r/CompulsiveSkinPicking • u/pigeonhead2468 • 10h ago
Advice Thoughts as a (mostly) reformed skin picker NSFW
These pics are 10 years apart - me at 17 and 27 respectively.
I have been picking since I was 10 years old and have accepted that it will always be part of my life. However, I have been free of serious picking flare ups for a few years now, and have settled into a somewhat stable routine where my skin is mostly as it is in pic 2 with the occasional mild and manageable flare up. I wanted to share some tips because if I can help anybody even a tiny bit, or just give someone hope that it won't necessarily always be unmanageable then I'm happy to embarrass myself on the Internet for that.
Triggers and my picking behaviour
My biggest trigger is the feeling of roughness or bumps on the skin. Even something as benign as normal sebaceous filaments would drive me nuts. I picked everything and would often get out needles/box cutters to remove skin to extract what I had convinced myself was underneath. I would sit in the bathroom sink for up to 8 hours at a time, often picking instead of sleeping at night. Picking was part of my morning routine.
Lights placed above the mirror are still huge triggers for me. They exaggerate bumps, they show you everything.
I had to also accept the fact that negative emotions and stress were a massive trigger, and that anxiety that flares in the evening/night would lead to uncontrolled picking. I have had a somewhat hard life and have lost both of my sisters and my dad, and for a long time I carried grief that I hadn't ever tried to process - focusing instead on academics/career. This manifested as sudden bouts of depression or anxiety, and the more I distracted myself the more it would interfere with my ability to engage in a positive way in my life. Picking was an escapism tool much the same way doomscrolling or drinking can be.
There were many times I felt absolutely hopeless. I tried so many different skin products, I talked with my GP and got prescribed a skin cream to help heal my skin, I did hypnotherapy, I was on mood stabilisers for a while, I did a psychology of skin picking group for a while. None of it really helped, at least not permanently. Sometimes (usually during my summer break) I'd have a few weeks free of picking and I would swear off of it, the idea of ever picking my nice skin again an unimaginable concept, only to inevitably fall right back into it the moment my life circumstances changed. People who don't pick will never understand just how much it can affect your mental state and your ability to engage with your life and be yourself and set your ambitions high.
So without being preachy, I'd really like to share a handful of tips that I think have contributed to a sustainable reduction in my picking.
1. Measure your expectations
When I was a child, my mum would always praise me for my soft skin. Even when I was picking my skin was gorgeous, poreless, soft between the scabs and scars. When I was deep in the trenches of picking in my teen years, I used to hope that if I were to stop, my skin would be perfect again. That just was not true.
Skin is incredibly resilient and can heal from so much, but it will be changed, especially to people like us who examine our skin to such a high degree. Pores might be larger, skin might look different, scarring may be present. I myself have larger pores, some small wrinkles on my nose where I often focused my picking, enlarged sebaceous filaments giving my skin a bumpy texture at some moments (to be expanded on later), and dark marks/scars/inconsistent pigmentatipn as these (in my experience) take years to fade. Now, looking at my picture, you probably barely notice these details, but to me, they took a long time to accept. When I would feel bad about these, the biggest help would to just take one tiny step away from the mirror, and that was usually enough to realise that I can barely see the "imperfections" I was obsessing over at that distance.
Our skin tells a story of resilience. Mine might not be the skin of a 15 year old anymore, but I never get perceived as older than I am because of my skin. In fact, the amount of people with marks on their skin above the age of 25 is the majority. You are allowed to be imperfect, in fact it is encouraged. If my experience of losing people has taught me anything it is that healing is a privilege.
2. Reject the skincare industry
I used to feel inadequate when a product I had saved for was numbered "3" in a recommended 6 step routine, results only to be achieved if you take out a small loan to purchase all the products in that line. Skin"care" that has purging stages. Skin"care" that causes peeling. Skin"care" that means you are lugging around a small pharmacy when you sleep over at someone's house or if you want to go camping. I know that for some people they can find a lot of comfort in skincare, and if you have a routine that works for you then I celebrate you. For me though, and I would hazard a guess for a lot of you here, it can feel more like a cage.
Yes, perhaps you might notice your skin texture is incrementally improved by a product that adds 5 minutes of mirror time before bed, or a product that adds a few minutes of "touching skin" time in the morning. For me, none of it was worth it. All skincare ever gave me was more opportunity to find bumps and texture before it ever had the chance to heal. Most of the industry is confusing on purpose, and some skincare will even create dependency so that you have to keep buying it.
It has been a slow process, but I have largely ditched my routine. I wash with warm water in the morning. And I use micellar water and a clean cloth at night if I have worn makeup. Then, I use one product before bed - a BHA, because this is what works for me. I'm not going to even recommend it because everyone's skin is different. But for me, it helps me wake up with minimal texture and takes a few seconds to slap on my skin in the evening. I would also recommend a daily 50spf sunscreen that doesn't break you out as this will reduce the healing time for dark scars. That's it girlies. As a 27 year old, the people my age with the nicest skin are those who never even got into skincare. Your skin will naturally attune to what you do to it. This leads me into my next point....
3. Accept those damned sebaceous filaments
OH I am sure some of you can relate. Once I started picking at the little benign pores, realising they can be extracted, especially around the nose area, they started to come back bigger. Sebaceous filaments are normal. There is nothing you can do to remove them. Even chemical peels don't really touch them. They will just return larger. Now, don't panic, there are things you can to do reduce them, but step one is accepting that they are part of you and are harmless. Don't worry if, like me, you have been raking them out every night. I have been routinely extracting my sebaceous filaments for over a decade and my face has not been taken over by massive pores and oil filaments. Yes, my pores are bigger and I have some bumpy texture that is only noticeable when I press hard into my skin at certain times of the day, but that's it. Here's what you can do to sustainably manage them.
Drink water!!!!!! If you are hydrated, sebaceous filaments feel softer and smaller. Your skin will feel softer and more elastic. It is the biggest difference I have noticed. More than any skin product. If you drink alcohol, always follow it up with some water, it will help not just your skin.
Get some sleep!!!! When you are well rested, your skin will be better hydrated. If right before bed you have a panic about your skin texture, drink some water and reassure yourself that it will feel way different in the morning. Your skin changes throughout the day and that is normal.
Sebaceous filaments are here to stay, but what about blemishes and breakouts?
4. Reduce opportunity for break outs
Now, some of you might struggle with extreme break outs that are only manageable through medication and to you the following advice does not apply - you do what works for you.
It is obvious advice but the biggest thing that helped me was keeping everything that touches my face clean. This also helps me manage the obsessive side of the disorder. Wash your pillowcases twice a week, your face cloths as soon as you use them, your makeup brushes as regularly as you can bother.
After a picking session, get some saline spray and just rinse your face with that and stop touching it.
For active breakouts, pimple patches are amazing, put them on anything you are tempted to pick, even closed comedones or scabs. Always have them in supply, don't wait until you need them.
Accept that hormonal acne might be something you have to live with. For me, I still get monthly big bumps around my jaw area. They are mostly invisible unless I pick them. My first instinct is to pick them and "get out" what is causing that achy pain (the pain is a trigger for me), but if you leave them alone they do actually go away, keep reassuring yourself that it is temporary. If you can just one time leave your skin alone long enough for it to show you that it heals without intervention it can give you reassurance when blemishes return.
5. Try your best not to moralise your picking, and address the route cause
By this, I mean try not to ascribe negative intent to your picking. Like I touched on before, picking is often part of our toolkit when dealing with difficult emotions or circumstances. There are benefits to picking. Try to find out why you pick. Whether you are struggling with anxiety or grief and trying to escape, trying to practice self care and "smooth" your skin, or just bored and trying to waste time, no motivation for picking is morally bad. I know I have been all three! In order for picking to be a manageable part of your life, you need to address these underlying reasons first. Whether the solution is therapy, grief counselling, or just picking up a hobby that uses your hands, it is often simpler than you expect. Sustainable change won't happen through willpower alone and you should not feel shame for picking even if you have promised yourself not to.
Those are my main points of advice, and at the risk of being patronising, I will stop here. Thanks to all who read and if I even help one person I will be happy. This can be an incredibly isolating disorder and believe me I know what it feels like to have your life run by it. Sending you all so much love and support 💜💜
