My dad passed away in April 2026, and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I always knew that one day I would have to face losing him because that’s the reality of life. But I never imagined it would happen this soon. I’m 34, and my dad was only 64.

I’ve written a lot about my dad since he passed, but today, the grief is cutting especially deep. It hurts just as much as it did in those early days. I miss him so much. I miss his presence, our conversations, and watching him play with my daughter. I miss the comfort of knowing he was there. He did so much for me and my family, more than he ever needed to, and we knew how fortunate we were to have him.

But knowing that doesn’t make losing him any easier. Some days, the reality of it just hits me all over again.

October is his birthday month. On October 30, he would have turned 65 and finally retired. He was looking forward to this milestone so much. He had worked incredibly hard his entire life, and he deserved to finally slow down, rest, focus on himself, and pursue the hobbies he had put aside for so long.

He loved writing and was passionate about starting a podcast. He would talk to me about his ideas, and I wish I had been more supportive and encouraged him to pursue them. I wish he had gotten the chance to experience the life he had been working so hard toward.

That thought breaks my heart. He spent so much of his life working hard and taking care of everyone else. I wanted him to finally have time for himself. I wanted him to enjoy his retirement, travel, explore his interests, and just live without having so many responsibilities. He deserved so much more time.

I want him back so badly. I want to talk to him again, hear his voice, tell him about my day, and watch him be a grandfather to my daughter. I want to share the ordinary, everyday moments with him that I never imagined would one day become memories I would desperately wish I could return to.

I wasn’t prepared for this life. I always imagined my dad being part of it. I imagined him growing older, being there through the different stages of my life, watching my daughter grow up, and being someone I could always turn to. I knew I would lose him someday, but I never thought I would have to say goodbye when I was only 34 and he was just 64.

Now I have to face the possibility of living for decades without him. There could be so many more years ahead of me, and the thought of going through them without my dad feels unbearable sometimes. How am I supposed to accept that someone who was such a huge part of my life is no longer physically here? How do I make peace with the fact that I have to keep living while the person I want to share so much of that life with is gone?

I know I have to keep going. I have my daughter, my family, and a life that continues whether I’m ready for it or not. But today, I don’t want to be strong or find a lesson in any of this. I just want my dad.

I wish I could have had more time. I wish he could have experienced his retirement. I wish he could have been here for all the things we still had ahead of us.

I miss you so much, Appa. I wasn’t ready to live in a world without you, and I don’t think any amount of time could have prepared me for this.

Her death was sudden a month ago. My managers actually knew her all too.. she was the main director of the company. They were friends with her apart from work (small town). I work remotely, it’s based in my hometown and most have in person positions with a handful of us fully remote. I now have been put on a strict pip because I haven’t been getting enough done. They are more than sympathetic, but legally they have to keep their bases covered and I know it’s not personal that this is happening. During the meeting, I completely broke down which is embarrassing to say the least. I’ve been working here for a few years now post college, but I’ve essentially completed all the things they needed me to do and I had even talked to my mom a couple weeks ago saying it seems like I’m not really needed soon here and she essentially agreed saying my position could stay but it would turn into an entirely different job day to day, and that time is also here now just to add on to
It. They offered a leave of absence but I need to make money. It is so incredibly hard working there while everyone knew her. Part of the less work is that no one wants to bother me because they feel bad and also the fact that there’s just not stuff for me to do. We discussed what the new job would be and I just really really don’t want to continue here. Idk what my options are since I can’t just go into crippling debt. Idk if I could make it work with fmla, I do have chronic migraines idk if that helps. I really just have no drive for anything. My birthday just passed and my sister is getting married, lots of life events immediately. My dad is an absolute saint but the salary he’s been working with is cut in half with my mom gone and he could retire at 56 but it was be an even lower fraction so he has to keep working. Are there any options for me? Even a new job seems bleak as I do graphic/web design and then I’d probably just fail there too even if I found one. Sorry this is all over the place, happy to take any advice bc I fear my breaking point has arrived

I grew up without my grandfather's. They died before I was born. My husband's grandfather died when he was around 3/4 and he has vague barely there memories. My kids are 3.5 and 9 months old when my dad died. They won't remember their Papa and it's heartbreaking. An amazing man who raised me, taught me everything I know, had the biggest heart. Just gone from their memories. Nothing prepared me for losing my dad in the same month he was diagnosed with cancer. I'm not just grieving having a dead dad, but my kids having a dead papa as well is the worst pain.

I lost my mom when I was freshly 13 due to cancer.
was insanely traumatic, specifically to the fact that my parents didn't told us that she's dying. I knew shes was in hospital, and when she came back to home for 2days before her dead I knew shes sick and I was terryfied but noone told me she might died.
Well she did and I didn't say goodbye..

It's been almost six years since that morning, and for little over a year I am on therapy that's mostly focus around my grieve. I did amazing job and I am really thankfull for my therapist, because I can finally think about her with positive feelings, and not only crying.

Tommorow my mother family, that lifes on the other side of the country are coming. I have terrible relationship with them, because of other issues. Few days ago I talked to my therapist about them coming and she started talking to me how I don't really have someone to talk about my mother death and it fucked me up.

My dad and brother grieves very diffrently from me, I don't talk to my mother family much and they don't really talk about emotions so it's not an option. I talked about my grieve with my partner, but they have amazing relationship with their mom, so it;s very diffrent. I never thought about the fact that I never expressed my emotions how I felt when she died, what I did, when I miss her the most and what it means to lose mom as 13yo girl. I just really wish I had a female friend who lost their mom and was able to talk to me about it... I am going with my brother and mothers family to her grave tommorow and I am terryfied of how my body and my grieve will react to it, with this all new emotions that come up with realization that I have noone to talk about it..

Sorry it's a really long post and english is not my first language, so I hope it's alright to read!! I am not sure if there is anything that could give me easy tip, especially for tommorow, but if you have anything in mind please share in the comments.. I just needed to let it out somewhere

What do you do when you miss your parents? Both my parents are dead and I left my home country three years ago. Got no family around me, all my siblings live miles away apart. I just want to come home, I just don’t know where home is now since I don’t have anyone to come home to…. I have no partner (I doubt I’ll ever get married or have children), few friends, and lately I have been crying a lot feeling so lost and homesick…. Quite often feel like there’s no point in living and no point in doing anything. Help

Dad died unexpectedly in 2012, my mom did everything she could to provide me with a normal childhood, all the love and all the care. She never told me how difficult it was for her, losing my dad, raising a kid alone, being unappreciated and underpaid at work.

I moved away for work after graduation but we called each other daily and we would visit each other several times a year. Things were looking much better for her, she had a new job that she loved, she was due to retire in a few years and move closer to me. She was happy and excited about the future.

Every year I would try to bring her to a new city or new country, she genuinely loved travelling and discovering new places and I enjoyed exploring with her. She also didn't travel anywhere when she was younger because she poured all her resources into raising me.

This year I decided to go all in, booked a 3 week trip to Asia, I spent months researching places, history, hotels, flights, etc. I had the whole itinerary planned out and we were both super excited.

I try to call her one evening but strangely, she doesn't pick up the phone. I try again but still no answer. I thought ok maybe she had fallen asleep already, I didn't call again but deep inside I knew something isn't right. I could not sleep that night.

The next morning I get a call from relatives that my mom is in the hospital. She had a brain aneurysm. She is not waking up. To say that I was shocked is an understatement, I thought it's a cruel prank and I cried and I screamed at the person calling me, I never felt so hopeless.

Our flight was scheduled for the 8th of July. We held her funeral on the 7th. I lost my best friend, the one who gave me the strength to carry on after my dad died. I no longer have her and I'm so full of regrets. I sometimes feel like I want to die just so maybe, maybe in case there is an after life we can be together again.

If anyone read until the end, thank you. I didn't have any friends besides my mom, no one to share this story with.

I’ve never been on here but after briefly reading some posts I feel that maybe I could comfort or help some people with direction. I am 24M, I lost my dad when I was 17. It’s hard to even look back and comprehend it all cuz life is so different now. My grandpa died who I spent a lot of time with and the next day my parents told me my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My siblings are much older and moved out at the time so it was just my parents and I. The cancer worked fast and so did the chemo, he was a shell of himself within a few months and then had some infections etc. by month 5 he was barely walking and he had to go to rehab place to get stronger but got out and came home to me and my mom and died that night. I found him on the floor that morning. I would say that day started a 7 year journey that has been all over the fucking place. That morning froze my emotions, nervous system etc. I never cried because I felt like I had to be strong in front of my mom. My siblings and I never really talked much about it because my family just doesn’t talk about emotions. I went through all kinds of grieving completely unaware. I truly believe it didn’t affect me. I got right back to business and just worked out a lot and believed I’m a man and I’m strong and these things happen. Clearly in denial for about a year before going to college…college would be where I think the grief of fear/anger/ and sadness really started to bleed through me. I started drinking with my friends and eventually got introduced to Coke. Looking back, this makes a lot of sense to me now. I was around guys who were in similar hard times and I spent about 5-6 years (2 years after college I was working and lived in a huge city) just 3 days a week blacking out and snorting coke. This was absolutely hell, I would tell myself constantly that I had to stop but I kept falling into this cycle. I also kind of believe that I deserved it because of what happened to me it made me tough and this is how life is for me now. I made good money, I graduated college in 4 years. I was successful but hiding how messed up I was. You could see in photos how much weight I gained in those years but people aren’t paying much attention. It wasn’t until a life decision I made (moved across country for a job) that I realized I’ve been running for six years from all this pain. This was a year ago and the past year I’ve been processing all of this stuff and can now clearly see and that’s why I really hope some other people can read and not feel alone. I gained about 60lbs in those years and was nowhere near who I should’ve been but I’ve lost it all now, and processed the grief and forgiven him and myself. This is crucial for the process. This post might be scattered but I find that looking back at the time, I was just a kid and that loss opened me up to so much darkness that I wish that kid didn’t go through. Obviously I mentioned the drinking etc but those kind of nights lead you to other places you just shouldn’t ever go to. Also don’t expect other people to understand or even expect your family to ever truly grieve. The hardest part for me was realizing my siblings couldn’t grieve it and how my family will never be the same. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’d say 6 months ago I realized that the real emotion now for me is that I want to give back to my future family. I’m already successful at my age and know I’ll be much more successful, but the thing that keeps me going deep down is that I would never want my kids to have to deal with what I did (I don’t truly have control over that) but doing all the inner work and going through these hard things and coming out on the other side has just made me want to be fully 100% present for my future children and wife etc. it sounds kind of crazy but these days I couldn’t imagine a different life than I’ve had and I’m very thankfulf but those hard years allowed me to get to be someone that couldn’t be manufactured through self help etc. I miss my father deeply but he’s not coming back and the pain of all that has to be accepted and re-directed. I’m not sure what my main point is, but I would want someone else to know that it can get really bad and still be really good.

I’m 27, and I genuinely don’t understand why I have to spend the rest of my life carrying this pain. I hate all those cliché, meaningless statements like “Kindness should be given without expecting anything in return.“. People who don’t feel this kind of pain, who are less emotionally sensitive and have an easier time getting through life, say things like this, and it honestly disgusts me.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to be a good person, trying not to hurt anyone. My father was a good person too. Yet, despite working hard his entire life, he developed cancer at just 67. He fought for a year, and in the end, I lost him. His quality of life had deteriorated so badly, especially during the last two months, that I never really got to say goodbye to him the way I wish I had. But I’m grateful that I was his caregiver for that entire year and that we got to spend so much time together. Even so, he never got to enjoy a peaceful retirement, not even for a little while. Now I’m supposed to live the rest of my life with this emptiness inside me. I just don’t understand. Why?

If there is no afterlife, then we have to accept that living this way, carrying this kind of pain, is all there is. Everything else, unfortunately, is just a way of deceiving ourselves.

I’m trying to force myself to believe in an afterlife. I hope that all the good people will one day be reunited with their loved ones, and that we’ll get to live a beautiful life together there, free from pain and suffering.

I’ve been all up in my feelings the last 3-4 weeks remembering my dad and the things he wanted to do and help me do. One thing he always talked about was teaching me and my sister how to drive & going with us to pick out those 1st cars.
I passed my test a few days before his birthday with an examiner with the same name and same bad dad jokes, gave me a little comfort on the test i didn’t realise i needed, and i’ll be finalising buying my 1st car today when i go to pick it up.
Its been 7 years and its milestones like that i hadn’t thought about in forever that have snuck up on me not realising it was going to hit me so hard but i know he’d be so proud while also laughing at me pulling the seat all the way forward to reach the pedals haha

Im a 21m my mother died when i was 9 i never got to know her and i wonder how different my live wouldve been if she was still her
I just finished my bachelors degree and im all alone, my father also died in my 2nd year in university when i was 18 i have no siblings and i have no one my life is a complete mess and i have zero guidance and zero clue on what to do im burning off my inheritance money on cigarettes and junk food and i have gained alot of weight my life is declining very much and it doesn’t seem like its gonna go up again im very depressed and i try to escape everything but thats not what i should do i should find a job and work and start living and have my own family but i dont have the energy to do anything and the job market is so bad every day is the same and i must change but im really hopeless and sad

I feel like the initial shock of my dad dying is wearing off and it’s a scary place. I hate that it’s starting to feel more “normal” that he’s gone day by day. It still hits me over and over again. I know my brain is just adapting but god I hate that this is real life :(

I cant do this anymore I really miss my old life I never really appreciated my mom ever in my life

i really really want her back i just cant seem to return to being the old me i just day dream about saving her i day dream about just traveling back in time

i once had a dream that she came back but only for sometime

i just cant seem to move away from this her absence is so fucking heavy we never even talked much the month before she had the sudden heart attack

Its been 3 years and im still hopeless i have no reason to do anything anymore im failing classes i hate the things that happened in my family i hate the people who did her wrong i hate hate hate most things i just really want an escape i have started smoking

She would be so disappointed knowing i smoke now hah but it doesnt really matter does it

Hey imma keep anonymous but im 24f I just lost my mom back in april quickly and I am struggling hard with it i also lost my dad when I was 8 I basically abuse weed edibles to sleep cause if I sleep sober my brain gets overwhelmed with thoughts if my mom and I cry so I have to be stoned to sleep my dad overdosed even tho the autopsy said other wise and my mom had pancriatitus I didnt live close and had to run out if my work and call her work and basically demand they go to her house(small town she claimed these guys were like family eh) they were like shes asleep cause of construction its fine im like you dont fn know her clearly go now or call the cops he noticed I was serious my moms work ethic was clean she'd call and say shes 1 minute late she shows up to work sick she god damn worked 6 days a week cause they needed her help and went I basically ran to that hospital that day I had no family with me we had no idea what to expect but when I saw her the day before she died she wasnt the same she was basically manic strapped to the bed tried to flail out I did not like seeing that so now here I am this isnt the whole story I have way more esp when I cut my aunt off because she made my moms death all about her and yelled at me.

So ya I been shi ever since im not doing great I just need someone to talk to ya know?

hello everyone!! i am venting but if you have advice or anything to say i’d love to hear it. my name is ej, im 20f and watched my mom take her final breath last july after a little over a year long battle with stage four colon cancer. its been a complicated journey processing this grief, if im being honest i feel like i still haven’t fully bounced back after losing her. we didnt have a great relationship before she got sick, and i feel like that always translates to friends as “i dont really miss her because we used to hate eachother.” which just isn’t the case. i miss her and i miss so many things about her and i miss the things we didn’t get to do, the relationship we didnt have etc.
since january (about six months after she passed away) my friends have been really comfortable making jokes about my mom. it was before that as well but i noticed i started getting a little upset by it in january. i make jokes about it as well, but honestly not as often as they do. my friends have dealt with grief in their own ways, my friend lost her boyfriend last year and my other friend has lost friends to suicide. but neither of them know what it’s like to be twenty without a parent. they are also both in their early thirties.
everytime i try to talk about my mom, they joke about it even when im trying to be serious, or im clearly upset. i still have random moments where i get overwhelmed with grief. last week in the car i saw her obituary card that i see everyday, but this day it hit me hard that she’s really gone. like really gone forever. i started silently crying and later was trying to talk to my friends about it and my friend was like “it’s been over a year and you still cry about it?”
yeah, i’ll cry about it forever. probably.
i only got nineteen years with her. i have no parent. i watched her die.
i feel like a hypocrite with the dead mom jokes, because i do joke sometimes about her. but when all my friends do when i bring her up is joke about it, it hits in a different way, i guess. i have a couple friends with dead moms and we say- the only semi good part about having a dead parent is getting to make dead parent jokes. i dont even think its pride like that… its just… this isn’t your parent to joke about. this isn’t your experience, this isn’t your grief to joke about. i would never joke about either of their grief. that’s something so personal to them. i guess sometimes i do get prideful about it because how do i know not to joke about your grief at twenty, and you’re both in your thirties joking about my mom and not creating any space for me to talk about missing her, when i always create that space for you? it makes me feel like a shitty person. like i can’t have both, i either don’t joke about my mom or i suck it up and have to get used to other people joking about her death.
it would be nice if there was a balance i guess. like if they could hold space for the grief and i guess it would be okay if they joke about it sometimes (but i just really don’t want them to. idk.) its my mommy, not theirs. my grief, not theirs. they didn’t have to stay up all night with her in the hospital, give her medications, make sure she ate and help her when she threw up, change her colostomy bag, tell the doctor to put a dnr order on her at seventeen years old, drive back and forth to and from the hospital, then the rehab, eventually have to make the decision to put her on hospice, listen to the death rattle and then watch her die. idk. feels weird that they’re making jokes.
but let me know if you have any thoughts. am i wrong? also sorry this is all over the place im just really emotional about this rn. thanks

Title. My mom fucking blew her head off friday. Im young and still in college. My dad died when I was 2 of suicide. Besides all of this being extremely overwhelming as it All comes down to me, and I haven't spoken to my mom in 6 years because she abused me terribly, I cant get over the fact that people keep coming up to me and hugging me or invading my personal space. The dean of my college made me meet with her to basically tell me this death doesnt mean I can skip class and that her husband died at 89 so she indeestands as she crys and tells me she'll pray for me. Im not religous.teachers, coworkers, strangers, keep coming up to me to tell me about a 'mothers Love' and how i must miss her but this lady abused me for years, please stop projecting or assuming how i feel. Please stop hugging me. Please stop crying about your spouse or mom who died of natural causes at 102. My mom was 43.

I’m 23 now. I lost my dad when I was 4 and I think I’ve done my grief. But sometimes I run across videos on Instagram or TikTok of a dad with his son and it destroys me. I don’t know why but every 5-6 months I run across this video of a dad surprising his son with his dream baseball bat right before his game, then the son made a homerun and the dad caught it. « i got it son!!! yeaaaa!!! » Just writing about this makes my throat hurt and brings tears to my eyes.
I don’t know if it’s because these experiences were taken away from me, or I’m jealous? idk
I don’t like to tell people this information about myself, because I feel like people look at me differently afterwards.
My mom met my step-dad when I was around 10 (I can’t really remember when) and to this day I never called him dad, I call him by his name and I hate it. He’s been there way longer than my biological father but it just feels wrong.
I hope I find the strength to call him dad one day, he deserves it.

Just unreal that I have to live the rest of my life, however long, without my parents. I’ll never speak to them or hear from them ever again. If anything happens to me I have no one to support me.

I’m 25F. My mom died when I was 13. It fucked with me so much and probably still til this day. I never got the help I needed growing up. Everyone just thought I was being a moody, sad, bratty teenager. Yet I was dying inside. I got good grades so no one checked up on me and I never went to consistent therapy. I started being rebellious instead and hid it very well. I smoked pot when I could, snuck out, drank when I could, and had lots of underage sex. No one ever found out. My wreck-less teen days stick with me. I’ve been in therapy for 10 months unpacking the guilt and shame I feel for my past actions and mistakes as a child. I truly didn’t know better and I’ve struggled for so long without a mother. At this point I don’t know if having a mother would’ve made my life better or was I meant to be a lost cause? I’ve never felt a sense of belonging after she died and never cared enough to find it. Now, at 25 I’m trying to figure it out. Idk I’m looking for reassurance or just to simply not be alone. I turn 26 in a few months and it’s daunting because it’ll be 13 years since my mom passed when I was 13. Maybe I’m getting in this mood because her birthday is on the 16th. Idk any thoughts or support. Thanks :)

Did anyone else experience romantic relationship issues intensify after loss? I can see why obviously but I guess seeking some comfort from others who have experienced this. For context, my partner has been supportive in many ways through the loss and he was close to my dad too. However, he struggles with his own mental health stuff/financial stress and in some ways he hasn’t been supportive, and they’ve been big ways. I lost my dad just 3 months ago but I’ve been thinking of ending the relationship cause I am stressed enough, but it’s a big decision cause we have been together for a long time and love/care for each other deeply. It would obviously be so devastating to lose our relationship during this time too. I’ve read not to make big life altering decisions so taking my time with it. We go to couples therapy together which has been good but unfortunately due to the financial situation we can’t go that often.

So basically I don't have siblings and I don't want to talk about this with friends but today I, at the age of 18, just found out that my dad died when I was a baby (5 months) due to cancer.

My mom later married another guy (lets call him Dan) after my biological dad's death (because she didn't want me to know about his death i guess) but my mom and Dan actually ended up divorcing like 11 years ago.

I didn't know anything about this, thought Dan was my genuine biological dad but nope, biological dad is in the grave somewhere in Florida.

My entire family pretty much hid this from me for the past 18 years and I only found out because I asked the lady at the conservatorship regarding money, I'm not going into detail here.

We went to costco and discussed and lore dropped and tears were definitely dropped as well, i dont even know the dude but it still sucks to think i missed out on experiencing what it would be like to have him in my life, doesnt even feel real, like, my life feels like a story. I feel sad knowing I'll never know what its like to really have a father, I feel dumb as well, and fooled. Now I'm observing my face closely since my mom said I look like my dead father lol.

I’ve just been sitting and thinking my dad passed away when I was 7 my mom passed when I was 17 I am now 23 I never met any grandparents because they passed away before I was born I just don’t know … I am even scared for my future because it seems like it’s genetic or something. I’ve been crying all month it just hit me so hard that I don’t have the same experience normal
Young people do. I don’t have a mother or a father or grandparents I have nothing I don’t think it’s fair at all.

Has anyone found anything helpful for supporting a sibling (adult) who is in denial over the loss?

My ex-husband and I were married for 38 years. Although we divorced, we tried to reconcile and spent the summer together last year. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. When my ex-husband and I were separated, I always was extremely worried about the health and mental health of my ex-husband so I would always ask my daughter if her father was OK at the end of summer. He moved out of state to stay with his sister, found a job, and later died in a tragic workplace accident.
Even before his death, I noticed a painful pattern with our adult daughter. When her father and I were together, she seemed warmer toward me. When we separated, she often seemed impatient, short, and critical. I don’t understand what was behind that change.
The night he died, I offered to go with her to collect her father’s ashes so she wouldn’t have to face it alone. The following day, she told me I wasn’t wanted at the viewing. She said her father had told her he didn’t want me at his funeral or to have anything to do with me anymore. I didn’t attend.
His viewing and funeral were held in the state where his family lives. We had lived in Colorado for almost 40 years, but there was no local memorial. I wasn’t involved in the arrangements, and I still haven’t received a clear explanation from my daughter about what happened in the accident.
She is now not speaking to me and has said I’ve asked too many questions. I understand that she lost her father and is grieving. I also understand that he and I were divorced. But he was the love of my life, and I am grieving too. Being excluded and losing contact with my daughter has made that grief even harder.
I’m sharing my perspective, and I know she may see things differently. I love her and want to understand how to move forward without adding to her pain or ignoring my own.
Has anyone experienced something similar? If you’re an adult child who has been in this position, what do you wish your parent understood? If you’re a parent, what helped you rebuild the relationship? How did you balance giving your child space with your own need for answers and connection?

Hello, i was just wondering if anyone had a background similar to mine. Firstly I’m 25. When i was 11, my dad committed suicide and two months later, my mom committed suicide as well. My mom left a suicide note but I’ve chose to never view it. I was told she was very drunk and intoxicated, and it was evident in the writing she left. But she was constantly drunk and on drugs anyways so? She actually found out she was pregnant with me when she was 5 months along, overdosed at the hospital. This is not something i share with people in my life, not even my parents passing. Because it does not define me, and i honestly just don’t care about my parents. I’m 25 and a brand new mom myself with basically no family. My teenage years, i was drowning in grief, shame, and self-hatred. I was raised by my grandparents after losing my parents, and they made sure to tell my brother and i all the time that we basically ruined their lives. Because they had already raised all their kids, and now they had to raise even more. It was just a shit situation for everyone. As an adult, i don’t want to continue my relationship with my grandparents. Looking back at how they treated a young traumatized child… it’s wrong. They were grown adults. I don’t care to spend my time wrestling with these thoughts anymore. I just don’t want to see them again, i want to focus on my own life, and my brand new child. I don’t have the time to re-open my own childhood wound every time i see my grandparents and remember all their things they did. Plus my parents were SEVERE drug addicts, extremely neglectful and left my brother and i alone constantly to go do drugs/party etc.. It was all just fucked from the beginning. But now as an adult, for the first time i see a life path laid out ahead of me where i can leave all of that in the past and actually get to know what i like to do, what i want to do with my time and hobbies. I need to completely restart, my personality until now has been a complete trauma response. It’s shocking I’ve been able to function and get by as well as i have. I think when people meet me they actually think im normal and maybe even cool sometimes. Writing this Reddit post is the most thought I’ve put into my past in a long time. There’s a lot of shame and pain. I was in therapy from 11-22. Now I’m just prescribed low dose adderall and trying to get back into hobbies and reading. After 10 years, the therapy was just giving me headaches and putting me into a bad mental space.

That’s my rant, and 1% of my story. Everyone has a story and if you’re reading this, you have so much meaning to the soil on this Earth. Take your time in life.

Hello all,

I recently had my father pass away and he left me with no closure. Before He died I asked him 10 questions that he never answered. I have seen this man two times my entire life. When he passed I got very sick and was laid out for 2 days. I did not want to grieve or be sad but I was hurt. I don't know why because he was a complete and total bum. My body went completely down from his death and I felt a full shift from the earth. Will anyone tell me why I went through that because mentally I was not caring to be sad but emotionally and physically I was distraught. Has anyone felt like this after losing an absentee or neglectful parent?