I play in a league that has a bunch of ex G leaguers, ex college players, etc. Basically, everyone in the league is the best player in 99% of all pickup games at the gym/park.

My entire life has been basketball. My profession is, you guessed it, basketball. I'm a trainer, I work with players in the G league, college, WNBA, etc. I'm not the best player of all time by any measure, I never even made it to the NBA myself, but I've managed to do what I love for a living, which is awesome.

My wife is usually busy with her family, and because ball it literally life for me - I don't mind that she doesn't make it to the games often.

But, she showed up to her first game in 2 months tonight, and I put on a fucking SHOW, boys.

31 points, 12 assists, 11 rebounds, 4 blocks, 4 steals, 5 dunks, at the ripe old age of 38. I shook one guy straight out of his shoe. I was the fucking man tonight, and it feels pretty fucking great.

It's honestly so cool to show my wife some flashes of my prime. I'm so getting laid tonight.

Dinner is roasted barbecue chicken thighs, and some veggies. I will be eating this entire tray.

More of a vent than advice, rice bowl with veges and bacon for dinner.

Caucasian 29m

Met my partner end of 2020 and we were inseparable, built and lived in a tiny house for 3 years, sold and moved across the country (NZ) and a few months later she leaves me citing that she wants independence and working on herself and that it wasn't me, I accepted it at face value as I could see she needed to grow into herself abit more, long story but the whole if you love her, let her go.

A few weeks later i swing by with flowers for her 30th as a friendly gesture, she tells me she's seeing someone and had to share incase I heard thru the grapevine.... I wouldn't of.

Her new man is from a friend group she met snd hung out with while we dated and helpd her get out in the new city.

Now im single in a new city wondering if by independence she just meant get away from me and wanted an easy out rather than tell me the true reason or whatever.

Ahhh well thought I'd vent as it seems to be an interesting situation, mental health is fine my autistic brain just keeps trying to solve a problem with no solution.

Stay strong lads!

Food-big ass pot of turkey kale soup

I’ve been working with my family full time at our restaurant since Covid. At the time it made so much sense now I’m just giving up my life for them and the business isn’t even doing that well and I supplement my own money to pay bills I frankly have no business paying.

I’m not gonna sit here and say my mom is evil she didn’t want me ever to work here but rough times changes stuff. However in the last few years I have stopped being paid properly and I’m the only other employee so I seriously give my life to this place. I frankly don’t have shit lined up I don’t know what I could do as a job I mean I got a college degree but never used it. I can try and will try to spin my restaurant/manager experience here to try and get an office type job or I’m also heavily debating trades.

The cherry on top is we aren’t even a good family as in (may get some hate for this) I hate my dad dudes like he’s not a good person. Hes gambled away a lot of our family money, gotten a dui, gotten sued more than once for cc debt. Hes more trouble than he’s worth.

All this to say I think im gonna have to pull the trigger soon in a few months and kinda just abandon them whether they are ready for it or not. I’m honestly only hurting myself saying here.

My ex and I officially split at the start of August, had not had intercourse since July. On Wednesday night, she dropped on me that she was tested positive for chlamydia during a routine checkup.

My jaw dropped. I didn’t know how I was to feel after hearing such news. I immediately asked her if she had seen anyone else after we split, and she said no. I had just started a new relationship, one where my new partner explicitly asked me if I was tested and/or clean. I told my new partner “my ex was too reserved, there is no way that either of us could have gotten something.”

My ex was brought up in a very religious household, one where there was no privacy. She was very reserved, very thoughtful and planned everything to a tee. A lot of anxiety she had if things were not exactly to a schedule with ten different backups. She seemed so perfect in the sense of being a “goody little two shoes”, by the books person.

Our relationship failed from a stale bedroom. We both played a part in this failure; from her own insecurities and being unable to show any desire, from mine where I wouldn’t lay off pleasing myself to tide through. There was opportunity for both of us to change, but neither of us ultimately did.

For the better part of three and a half years, I tried to breathe confidence into her. I helped support through many different health crisises and ultimately invested in a larger future when we both decided to move into a new rental house for kids and pets. We never got anywhere. We were at each other’s throats for the betterment of half a year and now are completely split.

I anxiously went to an STI clinic and got tested. It felt so damn icky. For the 24 hours it took to get those results back in my provincial health profile, my new partner and I patiently waited for results - both anxious about not being firm on getting tested in the first place.

I look this afternoon.

Negative - completely clean.

I’m ecstatic, absolutely relieved that there was nothing I passed down to my new partner, especially after a trust was broken with me being presumptuous.

Then the thoughts of my past started dialing in. All that family time without me, late nights at work, talks of family planning. To see my life go to shit, losing my best friend, and now knowing I was potentially cheated on???

I could ask her for answers. I could get clarity and close this chapter of my book, but it’s not worth it. It’s already over. I had already asked her for some more time to pack her leftover shit in the house, and snapped on her when I didn’t like her answer of denial.

I had to see her today unfortunately. I left work late and wasn’t able to get our (my) puppy out of their way for the last bit of moving she needed to do. With all the anxiety I had inside me and my fight response, I swallowed my feelings, walked in, got my dog, walked out.

This weekend, I feast on triple Costco glizzy and a pizza to pack my house up into storage, clean, repair, and get drunk on all the leftover wine from dinner parties.

Burger

I genuinely do not know what to do rn I can’t even process it. Last night I was talking to my bf about how I’ve been feeling insecure lately and like he’s not attracted to me and he goes and tells me that he’s sorry he didn’t tell me it sooner but he doesn’t like sex and every time we’ve fucked it’s because he felt like he had to.

I’m so fucking confused and hurt. We’ve only been dating for a few months. We met on a hookup app. We were fwb before we realized we liked each other more than that. Dude sends me nudes CONSTANTLY and is usually the one to initiate sex and apparently the whole time he’s been feeling disgusting after and “plagued with guilt”. I just don’t get why he would do all of this if he never actually meant it. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but idk how to be in a relationship with someone who can’t have sex or isn’t at least willing to work through this.

I know this isn’t something he can control and also this might just not matter rn because we’re long distance because I’m in college but like am I crazy for wanting him to at least try to work through why he’s feeling like this ? I really like him and I want to be with him but I just don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t sexually attracted to me. This feels like such a 180 from him.

Edit: his exact words were that he enjoys sex in the moment, but when it’s over he feels disgusting and guilty, there’s a reason for this and ik about it but I don’t think it’s something he wants me sharing on the internet so I won’t. He’s made it very clear he still wants to be with me.

UPDATE: we talked more about it this morning. He’s very adamant that he’s still attracted to me and wants to be with me and that it’s the actual sex he’s having issues with, more so the feeling he gets after. He said he wants to work through it because he is attracted to me and wants to be able to enjoy all parts of our relationship. And I told him in the meantime I am going to need more emotional intimacy from him if we don’t have anything really sexual happening and he agreed. I really like him, he’s really sweet and treats me well, so we’re gonna stick things out for a bit and see where it goes.

The food’s blueberry pancakes and coffee.

Whenever I’m with someone, and they ask if I have a girlfriend (I never do LMFAO), I just say I’ve been trying to get a girl from wherever the person asking the question is from, but it’s been difficult.

You should see the joy on their faces whenever I say that. Last weekend, I had a Pakistani Uber driver who was a bit chatty, and he asked me about my girlfriend, which was a bit invasive, but I don’t mind haha. And I mentioned that I was looking for a Pakistani girl. He was elated and started giving me tips on how to get one, but then said I should go for Indian ones because Pakistani ones are conservative and rarely date someone who isn’t muslim. He also called them lazy lol. He did mention they like black guys though (I’m black).

I’m in Scotland, and I do the same with my Scottish colleagues too. One of them claims to be anti-immigration and supports Nigel Farage, but when some of us from work went out for drinks, he started introducing me to every Scottish girl in the bar LMAO. He goes “this is my friend from xxxxx”.

Same thing with my Indian friends too.

Dinner tonight was pho from a new pho place in town (it was okay, i’ll stick with my usual spot)

Sometimes I wonder just how much better off we would be, collectively as men, if it was normalized for us to have friendships the way women do. I (intentionally) follow a lot of women online who are part of what they call “the woman sphere” It’s basically women’s response to the manosphere.

A big topic a lot of these women talk about is womanhood and friendship, and kinship between women. I’ve also seen this play out time and time again from women in my life. Two of my good friends, they’re both women, and are each others best friends. The level of emotional intimacy they have between each other is incredibly high. I also saw this a lot with my ex girlfriend, and her best friend.

Obviously I am not saying it is entirely impossible for men to form friendships and kinships like this, in fact my best friend and I have a friendship that could be considered a bit like this. It’s also very obvious why this is the case. Our patriarchal society does not allow for the normalization of male vulnerability, and pushes back on platonic male on male intimacy. If men are “too close” to each other they’re labeled, or slandered as gay, or not enough of a man. To be clear, I’m not saying all this as if it’s some eureka, highly original concept, I’m sure this has been realized, and studied by many other people, in fact I’m sure many women noticed this way before many men have.

One of the biggest benefits I think men as a whole could have with overcoming this, is I think it would genuinely solve, or create the environment to solve the male loneliness epidemic. So many women are making the conscious choice to not date nowadays, and one of the reasons is they can find this closeness and intimacy within their platonic relationships. So many men simply do not understand this. I think many men on this sub may understand it, or at least would be receptive to this idea. It’s one of the things I love the most about this sub, many of us are very caring about our fellow men, and I think many of us do not carry that extremely deep level of misogyny inside of us. (Many of us still carry a lot of it, myself included, and it’s important we work towards getting as much of that out as possible)

Anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk, I put advice welcome because I would love to hear your takes on it, especially women who lurk in here. I’d love to hear your experiences, if any, on the topics i’ve discussed!

made the food a lil while ago but i’m not showing off the two bottles of wine ive had for dinner tonight. cod and asparagus with beurre blanc, peach and arugula crostinis with balsamic.

not gonna go into full details, too fresh. but three months of genuine connection ends with her telling me that she wants a relationship and cares deeply for me, while also not wanting a relationship since she needs to explore herself, but she doesn’t want to lose what we have. she was so worried that she would eventually ruin it that she just ruined it now instead of later.

boyfriend level effort for situationship level commitment just isn’t gonna fly. she spent most nights sleeping in my bed with me but got cold feet as soon as real feeling started to develop. i have too much to offer to the right person, and the right person isn’t gonna treat me like that.

i’ve had a pretty shit life, and i usually let people like that walk all over me for the slightest crumb of affection. really proud of myself for recognizing that she wasn’t the one no matter how much i wanted to give her the world.

the people in my life WILL be kind to me, and WILL treat me like they want me. at a bare minimum.

So nearly 4 years ago I met and got together with the girl of my dreams. Beautiful, and the kindest, most energetic person you’d ever have the gift of meeting. We’re both in college, and go to different schools, so we’d only get to see each other every week to every other week outside of summer and breaks. As we got closer, we did almost everything together. If there was an activity to be done, most of the time we’d want the other by our side. She brought a comfort and a joy to my life which I didn’t know I needed, and taught me what romantic love is supposed to feel like with another person. To me, I could easily envision spending the rest of my life with her. To her, the same.

But at the beginning of this semester, I transferred schools. Not that much further away, but it was enough. My new school is much more academically rigorous, my classes are taking much more time and energy out of my days and I was still getting settled. As tends to happen, other parts of my life started to slip as I adjusted to this huge change to my work-life balance. I’m just starting to get my feet under myself again, going to be finding and starting with therapy, I just finished midterms, and have some time off to relax and pick myself back up.

Problem was over that time duration of us struggling with school, we drifted apart. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, we both agreed that, right now, school was priority. We’d have all the time in the world afterwards to figure things out, and we always made it work since we could always go see each other after classes. This time though was different, I suppose.

She called me on Wednesday and told me that we needed to talk, and that she’d drive to my house the following evening after I got back home. She came over and told me that she loves me, that she wants what is best for me, but that she doesn’t want this anymore. She wants time to focus on herself, and found she prefers being alone at the moment, and that she didn’t want to pursue this relationship any longer. That she doesn’t want to have to feel like she has to take care of me when I’m struggling. Said she needs some time, but wants to try to be friends afterwards, and that I shouldn’t wait for her to try to get back together, since she doesn’t know if she will ever want it again.

I’m pretty fucked up about it. It hurts, a lot, but I understand. As much as I might disagree, for I want her in my life, a relationship takes two. There’s no point in trying to change her mind, for it would just lead to more resentment. I’ll admit it that we were more codependent on each other than we should have been, but we were good for each other. Communicative, open about our emotions and feelings, and we’ve never had an actual “fight” with each other. We’d always talk things through until we both felt better, learned from it, and could move on from it.

I think this has been heading this direction for longer than I realized. I’m looking at my behaviors, and realizing much of it was bids for attention, because I wasn’t feeling loved by her either. I think time apart might be good for us, and we can see where it goes later, but it doesn’t make it hurt less for either of us. She’s not a bad person, and I truly with the best for her, so if she wants to leave then she should leave. At least she came up to tell me in person, I’m glad she cares about me that much… I know I’d do the same.

Not really looking for advice, I mostly just need to share. I’m mostly going to be focusing on myself, spending time with friends, working on my education, and pick up some projects on the side. It hurts, but I’m determined to try my damndest to walk out stronger and better for it. Maybe we will get close again down the line, but I’ll have to life with it if not.

TL;DR: My first real, healthy relationship just ended. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it’s what needed to happen for her. It doesn’t mean it hurts any less, but there’s nothing to do besides wish her the best and try to carry on with my life on my own path. Perhaps ours shall reconnect sometime in the future, perhaps not.

Sorry for it not technically being dinner. My dad took me out to lunch and we got chicken nuggets and fries. It’s hard to feel bad with some good comfort food, and I am lucky to have my family. They’re almost as devastated as I am about it. She was an integral part of our family.

I’m also a big writer, sorry for the length.

Do you ever feel like you have no one to talk to? Recently I have been going through it, feeling hopeful one day and completely fucked on another.

Just thinking, I wish I could talk with someone. But then you go through your friend list and your head is like:

- Nah, he is more fucked than me.

- Their life is on the up, don't wanna drag them down.

- He doesn't deserve to be burdened anymore.

Etc.

Like you don't want to bother anyone because either they got it worse or just don't deserve it.

I have been considering therapy but it would hurt my chances of enlisting, I can't have a record if I wanna succeed and be someone. So I guess, I'll just endure it.

(Dinner is Lasagne.)

Celebrated 3 years yesterday with my amazing wife. We've had the most traumatic year of our life but will always continue to pick one another every day. Had a great evening in.

Firehouse subs, cheesecake, mojito mocktails & "slutty" brownies.

Almost a grown ass man of 27 years and I’ve never been in a relationship let alone shagged. And friends, colleagues my age and family that I’ve played with as a kid are getting cuffed, cohabiting, buying apartments together and getting married while I have less relationship experience than the average teenager despite my best efforts has really done my confidence in recently. And despite me having a caring family, a loyal handful of friends, good health and a kinda ballin career, I can’t help but feel like a looser and a CHUD quiet often.

I go on dates with girls that I’m genuinely curious about that I always take the initiative to plan but they seldom lead beyond a first date and I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong. Am I showing too much affection too early or do I seem disinterested? Am I going off on tangents or does me relating to her stories come across as disengenous? And it often makes me spiral into thinking that there is something wrong with me. That i come across as either too nervous, desperate, uninteresting or awkward. I’m usually being told that they had a good night afterwards so it can’t be all that bad right?

And beyond the apps it seems like every girl that that I’m in to in my hobby groups or at work always has a boyfriend and have been together since like freshman year of university. Making me feel like times running out, that I’ve missed my window and that it seemed so easy for all the “normal” people to find love when they had time. I don’t like the misogynist Incel shit but in my poor mood it often seems like it’s especially easy for women to find love too, like I’m always competing with a dozen other guys and it’s always up to them to pick and choose.

And to never have been chosen myself, and not knowing if I ever will be…

Homemade Steak frites with charred broccoli and black truffle bearnaise.

Dinner is soba noodles with pork and vegetables.

So a few months ago I moved to an apartment after living in a very remote area for years. On my first day I met one of my housemates you I immediately clicked with really fast. It felt like the most mutual friendship I’d had in years because she’d actually be the one to initiate us hanging out occasionally and would make time for me even though she was busy with school stuff. I ended up catching feelings and told her how I felt and she said she just wanted to be friends which I was ok with.

Just to clarify I don’t think me saying this was out of nowhere. I did try doing small stuff like sitting close to her or light touching and it felt like she was very comfortable around me. She literally took a shower while I was in the other room once. But after my confession it felt like she did seemed kinda of avoidant around me. We use to regularly talk about getting food together which she was down with but all of a sudden stopped making those kinds of plans.

She ended up sending a wall of text saying she started seeing someone and didn’t think us hanging out 1 on 1 was a good idea for a while which even though I was admittedly very sad I accepted and eventually we were back on good terms. Now apparently she’s single again and wants us to start dating. I know I should be happy but based on the way she phrased stuff it seems like she was the one who was broken up with and it makes me feel like I’m only getting this because the guy she chose over me didn’t want to be with her. I’ve always had insecurities with jealousy but it really does make me feel weird that she wants to date now after telling me no before and a guy she was supposedly moving really fast with broke up with her. I’d just like some words from people who might have experienced similar stuff to me because I’m still just kinda hurt over not being her first choice.

After a year of moving aboard and failing to build any real human connection with anyone I reached a point where I just can't be alone with my own thoughts.

And after a lot of reflection I decided to start taking them and I am going to see my doctor on Monday, gonna ask him to send me to a psychiatrist too because I am pretty sure something ain't right with my brain.

As for therapy, I have been doing it for months with no real improvements.

Dinner is pasta with cepavi.

"Dinner" is two cookies from Costco at 1 AM that I microwaved for 3 minutes because I like when they're floppy.

I am average. I am so average.

My paper just got accepted into a conference, with average scores. My grades in school were always 7 (from 0 to 10, 7 is the average in my country), my colleagues would never remember me for anything, no matter how much I tried to study or do something to stand out. I learned how to play guitar, but I am very average at it. I put many hours into learning the bass, but I am still average. My score in karaokes is always average. I can play games, but I am very average skilled on them. I can do research, but it is always an average research with average results. When messing with electronics, I can sometimes diagnose the simpler problems, but even though I studied in a technical college for that, I can only diagnose basic things, my knowledge about circuits is average. I can speak Japanese, but at an average level. My English is average. I was able to come to Japan for my PhD, but my results keep showing as average. Whenever I try to do fashion-related stuff, my coords and makeup are always average. Even my gender is in the middle, I feel neither as a man nor as a woman. I am "average gendered".

I was slightly good at coding, but that is basically non-existent now. Fuck capitalism.

Why do I put so much time into stuff and the result still comes as average? Why can't I be good at something? I just want to be slightly above average.

Today we have a Jimmy John’s sandwich I made at work with a blackberry izzy, this is my only meal for the day. I (20M) am a sophomore in aerospace engineering and the workload is for sure catching up to my mood and health. Has anyone found good ways to relieve stress/sense of impending doom that doesn’t involve abusing geek bars, coffee and vyvanse? Most people tell me to just go to the gym or workout in some way, but I’ll explain more why that’s almost impossible (for now at least).
.
I work a job 20 hours a week as well so I have even less time to get all of my assignments/studying done, and a mix of very little time and being on a stimulant 24/7 has been really messing up my sleep unsurprisingly. My almost daily routine is going to bed at 5am and waking up at 10am for classes. For context I’m not really depressed at all, I’m still happy and mostly content about life, so my issues aren’t due to a great amount of sadness or hopelessness.
.
I’m at a point in my life where it feels unimaginable to be able to function without stimulants (caffeine, nicotine and ADHD meds, no hard drugs) and it feels like the only way to be able to get everything done. I used to have healthier ways to manage the stress and lack of sustained focus, but nothing really helps the feeling of dread and draining of my soul from doing math and physics homework for 40+ hours a week. I overly rely on smoking to calm down and it’s getting to a point where I clear a geekbar in about 2 weeks. My vyvanse prescription has helped my focus a lot, but it’s for sure tanking my eating habits and any day I don’t take my meds I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever.
.
Even before my medication I have always had troubles with eating, it has always felt like a chore and something I just have to do. I am only 105 lb and my weight has only been on a steady decline. It’s not that I hate my body or anything I love myself and my body image deeply, but I either just don’t think about eating or when I do I prioritize getting shit done instead. Most days I eat pretty much nothing up until the sun goes down and only eat because my stomach has finally become loud enough. If it gets to a point where I have no energy whatsoever I’ll force myself to binge eat as much as I can, but everyone knows that’s not sustainable at all and only hurts my health. If anyone here takes ADHD meds you might know how repulsive most food is for most of the day, so does anyone have advice to help me be able to eat more?
.
To some up my reddit rant, any advice about better eating habits, managing crazy stress levels, quitting smoking, and/or stopping stimulant reliance would be very much appreciated! Have a great day everybody!!

hello all

been feeling like shit lately, and needed to vent

so it was my birthday yesterday, my 20th.
all the new “friends” i made (as expected) forgot even though i remembered and made sure to make them feel special and seen on theirs.

it just sucks because no matter how hard i try, how frequent i show up, how often i consider people’s feelings, i always get the short end of the stick.

i’m diagnosed with adhd, so when it comes to any form of connection with people, i feel it very intensely, like a “feels like we’ve been friends for decades kinda way.

i deeply crave having actual friends, i so so badly want to be a part of a genuine and heartfelt friend group, yk the type of friend groups you see in the persona games, cartoons, etc. i often fantasise (corny i know) about being one of the bros who log onto steam every night to play games till like 2am but…i don’t have that and never experienced that.

but, people push me to the side since they already have their friends. it’s been like this since i was a little boy, i was always the kid begging his friends to be his friend. i was also bullied in middle school (the school defended the bully too) high school wasn’t any better either, lowest point of my life.

i’m so fucking lonely, and it hurts being the one that gives and gives and gives in every relationship. not romantically though, platonically. (i’ve been single since birth unfortunately) all i ask is for basic reciprocity.

what really hurt about my birthday being forgotten by my “friends” is how those same people easily remember each other’s and post about it. i know people are busy, tired or aren’t birthday people but despite all of that they still show up for each other. why can’t i have that? why don’t people like me?

not to mention that even when i go through shit (like right now) i still make an effort. it’s not fair.

i hate that my stupid fucking brain is so overly sensitive to both external stimuli and situations like this. i hate that i have to take medication daily just so that i don’t spiral and off myself. (almost did on my last year of high school)

feels like whenever i try, i’m treated like an alien. i get ignored, get days late responses and so forth. feels like there’s always this wall people put up in front of me.

i’m genuinely at a point where i feel being a loner is better for me. i’ve tried putting myself out there, i’ve tried being more social and that’s what people don’t understand. the constant rejection i face both when trying to make friends or trying to date is agonising.

i know it isn’t healthy to isolate yourself and give up on socialising but what the hell else can i do? i can’t force people to be friends with me, i can’t force people to like me.

i just wish it wasn’t biologically ingrained in me to want connection, it feels like a flaw in my design because all it does is breaks my heart and wastes my time. i literally spent my entire 20th birthday yesterday feeling incredibly sad, lonely and unwanted when it should’ve been positive.

i’m really really tired of this whole friendship bullshit, it never works out for me.

and i know it isn’t healthy having this black and white mindset but at this point? i’m tired of being unnecessarily optimistic when it has gotten me nothing.

for dinner tonight i’m having a triple patty smash burger, chilli cheese balls, buffalo chicken strips and a side of thc distillate (i’m not sure if we’re allowed to show the yart in photos so i kept it out)

thank you for reading

Connoisseur cookie dough ice cream and red wine He’s back home in the UK and I’m here in Australia and all I want to do is give him a hug….

I know it's a bit unpopular in these quarters. Lots of people have had their own issues with substances, which understandably inform their opinions. Others just believe in the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, and more power to them.

But I like a drink. I enjoy the taste of a whiskey. I like the mellow, relaxed feeling of a beer buzz. Hell, I even enjoy getting just a little drunk every so often. Just enough that everything is funnier and more interesting and more exciting. Sure I hate the hangover. Sure my liver isn't my biggest fan. But I have one life to live, and if drinking a little more than is healthy brings me happiness, why shouldn't I?

Because my partner hates it, that's why. Together 10 years, and she's never liked when I reach for a beer. Only this year it has escalated to "feeling unsafe" when I drink.

I'm not a mean drunk by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe I get a bit more involved in a video game or my work when I have a beer or two, because I'm in flow. Maybe my eyes look a little glassier. That's really the worst of it.

So what do I do? It's something I genuinely enjoy, and she's essentially requiring me to give it up to continue our relationship. I know it should be an easy choice but it's hard, actually.

You can call me an idiot for feeling this way, I don't mind. Maybe you can encourage me to stick with quitting. I'm open to advice.

Dinner is an apple and some discounted but delicious aged cheddar.

M29, 1 year out of a toxic relationship, meet a wonderful woman in a restaurant (in a different country, I travel for work) - vibe goes well. She introduced me to her friends, family, etc. happily dated for a few months.

I was drunk and bragged about my accomplishments thinking I’d never see her again.

Learn that she broke up with her ex a year ago, slept together again though at the start of this year, prior to meeting me.

She’s never cheated on me. We have the same end-goals in life and our energy matches at times.

Sex was great to begin, and frequent - then tells me she doesn’t want to have sex until she’s married. I respect that. Then a couple weeks later we sleep together. Then again. Then she goes back to her original statement. Doesn’t even get dressed in front of me anymore.

I am a bit confused and am seeing that as a lack of interest, despite her wanting to stay over at my place frequently

But I find I am doing everything (which I don’t mind - as I enjoy it) but reading the signs, I’m cooking, cleaning, paying for dinners and all the rest.

Context to that is I am quite wealthy for my age, and my disposable income is much higher than hers.

Makes me feel like a wallet though. It’s still early stages and I do really like her, but feel like I am being taken a fool. She’s also never met my family (different country) and our upcoming trip was cancelled as she has other commitments.

Anyway, just a rant really. Confused and unsure on what to do or feel.

Background: I’m not religious and never dated a religious person before, I have no problem with it. Just feel like I don’t know what’s authentic and what’s not.

TLDR;
Meet an amazing woman. Then goes no sex. Then I maintain everything, and cook for her/clean etc. feel a bit used. Like I am just a really good friend.

This was nice to write out loud. Thanks for reading, if you made it here.

Club sandwich for lunch, served with Chardonnay. Interesting combo.

Started a job in a call centre a couple months ago after searching for a job as my fixed term contract was cut short, it’s been awful just getting yelled on the daily. Moved to a new city for the job I was working at prior and they cut my contract by two months due to budget constraints and I had to take whatever I could get, this place has been draining me and to be honest I was already searching for other jobs so when I got an email about a job working as crew on a TV show (that’s what industry I was working in before) I was so excited but they gave me hardly any notice so I wouldn’t be able
to ask for it off. I took the risk and called in sick to work for the interview, thought it went well and then the next day came into work and got called into a meeting they asked me if I was okay and I said “ah ya know still not feeling great and to be honest getting pretty stressed with this job”

she replied with “well sorry to kick you when you’re down but we’re going to have to terminate your contract as you called in sick and as we’re going into our busy period we don’t think it’ll work between us.”

Obviously this was awful news but I was still really hopeful that I’d get some good news. Well I got home and refreshed my emails to see a rejection email from the interview, no feedback either.

Been applying to anything and everything the past couple weeks and so scared I’m not going to find anything and move back home with nothing behind me and have to start over, the UK is so bleak at the moment, we’re told to take risks and chase your dreams but there’s no opportunities.

I’m getting rejection after rejection, here’s hoping something turns around but I ain’t holding my breath.

Anyway made a paneer and chickpea curry with chapati.

Sorry for the bad spelling and grammar. English is my native language but I've been crying all day, I'm mentally exhausted from my mood swings and from my intensive ass degree and I'm a little bit drunk because I was drinking to ease the pain a little bit. So I can barely see the keyboard on my phone as I'm typing this out and I can barely think through my tears.

I've been struggling really hard with my mental health recently. I've always had intense mood swings where I'd be on top of the world for a few weeks, then borderline suicidal for the next few. This is nothing new, I haven't had stable mental health since the day I've come out of my mum's womb. But this time was different.

University has opened up a lot of unhealed wounds I've carried since childhood, and moving across the country has made it even harder for me to cope with stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, I love university and I love living by myself, but on my low days and during those quiet nights my mental health starts breaking down and my head starts racing. My counsellor has suggested that I could have a form of ADHD or BPD, but even though we have "free healthcare" In the UK, I won't get tested until maybe 10 years later if I go by the NHS and I can't afford to go private.

Not only that, but sleeping around with different girls during freshman year last year also revealed just how much damage getting raped when I was 12 did to me. I'm still afraid to be intimate with a woman. I'm still disgusted at myself everytime I get aroused and I'm still inexperienced in bed, despite having a "body count" of double digits now. What I hate the most is how male rape and sexual assault cases, especially when it was done by a woman, is so marginalised.I feel like I'm invisible amongst survivors of sexual abuse and I almost feel alienated. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I'm any less of a victim. I've had to live through the same nightmare, yet I have no resources to help me cope, and no one even seems to take me seriously.

My grandfather, who I was really close with also suffered a near fatal medical emergency this summer and during that time, my then girlfriend cheated on me during her girl's trip to America before exposing my trauma and my insecurities to all of her friends, who then aired out everything at a houseparty. It felt like my life was falling apart at that moment and on top of my already bad mental health I was on the verge of ending it all a few weeks ago. Looking back I'm grateful for everything as it's made me realise how fucked up I actually am behind my facade and despite it breaking me down, it's also starting to slowly build me up as a new person.

In the middle of all of this two kittens showed up at my door back home, and completely lit up my life. For as long as I remember I've always wanted a cat, and in that moment it almost felt like God's own gift to me during one of my darkest times. I've even told my friends in university all about them. I've given both of them names, taken care of them as much as I could during the weekends and the excitement to see them kept me going throughout the weekdays. I've gotten so attached to them, and they've started to warm up to me as well, they started to be more adventurous around me, and even started playing with me a little bit. And then my parents gave them away.

I don't blame them, we have a dog already and my parents are planning to buy another 2 German Shepherd puppies in the near future, they don't have the time or energy for two more cats in the house, and as much as I love the kittens I'm only home 2 days a week, having to live in my apartment close to my university for the other five. I can't help my parents take care of the kittens during term time and my sister is well, pretty useless when it comes to pets. I don't blame them at all but their excuse really pissed me off. They said that the kittens weren't warming up to them and they don't want pets that don't warm up to the family. Well it's their fault for the kittens not warming up to them. They put the kittens in a whole seperate building, never spent time with them outside of feeding time and what's funny is that the person who technically was around them for the shortest time, me, they warmed up to the fastest because I just did everything around them and stayed near them every time I was home.

I know it's the best for the kittens that they are adopted by a family that cares for them and loves them. But it's left a gaping hole in my heart. I didn't cry when my grandad was on his death bed. I didn't cry when my ex girlfriend cheated on me a week later because she was "tired of having to deal with my shit luck" And then told everyone about the fact I was raped when I was a child and I get PTSD whenever I tried having sex with her. I didn't cry when my good friend killed himself because of depression but I cried for the first time in almost 12 years tonight because two kittens I've taken in and taken care of for three weeks got given away. And just when I thought I can finally have some happiness to myself it gets snatched away because my parents won't listen to my advice, egotistically believed they knew best on how to raise cats and then gave up on them despite knowing how much their son has always wanted a cat. I'll really miss my kittens and I'm completely devastated.

On the surface I have everything. I'm good looking, I pull girls easily, I have a big group of friends and I'm somehow popular in university, I'm a college athlete and I'm studying a good degree. But underneath that I'm completely fucked up. I'm insecure, traumatised and borderline suicidal. Every single day has been a war for me for the past few months and I'm tired. I put on a confident, almost arrogant facade because I don't believe anybody else should deal with the shit I carry, but I don't know how long I can pull this off for.

I'll really really really miss my kittens.

Food is Air Fryer crispy pork belly, onions and mushrooms on rice

I (20M) feel like my friends suddenly stopped caring about me.

This mostly started in early September, around my 20th birthday. As the weekend was approaching, I began to make plans to do something with all my friends. I had a few things planned for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I never expected everyone to make everything I wanted to do, but I hoped that I would possibly see everyone I missed over the summer before school started to pick up.

A week before my "birthday weekend", I started to let all my friends know about things I had planned. I wanted to go to a bar on Friday to play pool, go out on Saturday to watch a UFC event at the same bar, then dinner at my parents house on Sunday. I mentioned this stuff during a large group hangout, so I knew not everyone took the info in. during the week I made sure to invite/remind people about the plans. Not everyone was able to make it, but the people I wanted to see most said they could come to at least one thing.

Friday comes around and only two of my friends and my girlfriend come. I smoked them all in pool, got drunk then we had a fat joint together and called it a night. On Saturday, the same thing happened. Two friends came, we got drunk, watched some of the craziest fights of the year and called it a night.

Sunday rolls around, and in the morning while I am trying to figure out drives to my parent's house, four of the eight flake. All of Sunday I couldn't shake the feeling of being unwanted. I get that not everyone was able to make it, and that bars aren't always cheap. But passing up free food from my mom, who is the best cook in the world, is crazyyyyyy!

Of the people who were invited but didn't come, the majority either didn't respond in the group chats or flaked when it was nearly time to go out. At the end of the weekend I only saw six of about 20 people I invited. I'm super grateful of those who did show up, and I hold no hate to those who didn't. Really the only bad thing about the weekend was the flaking stuff.

It all feels very weird, and even after a month has passed I still can't pinpoint what exactly feels wrong. I love all these people, and I still consider them friends. But since then it has been pretty hard to not think about. I see how these guys treat a regular night out and I can't help but feel jealous. They can make plans to go drink on a random Saturday, but for me it's "I'll see if I can make it". I have always struggled with feeling like I put more effort in, and this didn't help.

Dinner: Kraft Dinner and hot wings (was delish)! Not pictured was the pre meal smoke. I hope you all enjoy your dinners tonight guys :)

I think it speaks for itself what’s occurred here. I’m having a breakdown.

Sometimes I wish I could just get a lobotomy. I recently saw my psychiatrist and on top of major recurrent depression disorder, Ptsd, and anxiety I have ADHD.
Im so frustrated and after trying Vyvanse and weening of Wellbutrin I felt like shit. Now my doctor upped my Wellbutrin dose to 400mg, and Zoloft is still at 200mg. And now I am going to starting taking Adderall 10mg tomorrow.

I hate that I need this much medication to live, even on my previous doses, I still experience symptoms just with less severity. I am in my last year of university and I have been struggling constantly my entire time here with getting out of bed. I failed classes, or barely pass some, I just feel so fuckin useless.

I have just been so depressed my entire life and ADHD on top of it genuinely makes me feel like shit. I wish I was normal so bad. I have friends but some aren’t even supportive at all. They just tell me to lock in or insinuate that Im not working hard enough. I hate it so much. I hate it. Too busy to cook, so I got a store bought chicken pot pie