When I was manic I thought I was dating a celebrity and they were communicating with me through other people. I sent a bunch of wacky and aggressive messages to people and some of them blocked me.

I’m stuck in rumination and in shock. My body has been stuck in freeze mode and it’s difficult to do even simple things which adds to my feelings of shame.

I’m starting EMDR on Monday but I know the first few visits are all intake. Will this help me? Does anybody have any advice? I’m in a lot of pain.

So I got to a psychiatrist recently and he put me into lamotrigina, I'm still in the first days taking it so I doubt it is actually preventing something right now. He said I'm bipolar 2, I don't think it's true at all but well he's the professional so I can't argue with him.

but today I just cant sleep, I'm currently awake for 20 hours, definitely not much since I've seen other people here being awake for 48 hours or more. I don't think I'm hypomanic, but I'm more energetic, hypersexual and feeling quite well, like people should praise me more cause I'm so awesome and things like that.

my eyes are heavy, and I'm on my bed trying to sleep. I can't, my mind is still on even if my body asks for just a little nap.

idk what to do, idk why I'm writing this actually, just talking about? I should do it here? i don't want to resist diagnosis or something, I just think it's not true and if I get out and tell people that I'm bipolar it'll be disrespectful with y'all since I'm not. It feels like I'm larping? it doesn't look that serious

actually I'm losing my point while writing it I'll just post it

Feel free to add to the list, I’m always up for discovering new music I can relate to.

Rihanna - disturbia (psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar)
Matchbox twenty - unwell (depression, schizophrenia, bipolar)
Skydxddy- triggered (PTSD)
Starset - monster ( sexual assault )
Billie eilish - lovely (depression)
Dean Lewis - waves (depression)
Diamante - serves you right (abusive relationship)
Limp biskit- behind blue eyes ( depression)
NF - mansion - (struggles with mental health)
The weeknd - in the night (sexual assault as a child)
Tones and I - Charlie - (my other personality, schizophrenia and bipolar)
Tones and I - bad child (my childhood abuse)
These chain smokers - reaper (schizophrenia bipolar)

These are just how I relate to these songs, they may relate to you in a different way.

I become overwhelmed with the feeling that the environment I am in is bad for me when I am manic. I think that people are holding me back and so I bail. And now that I am sad I have nobody. I can’t keep doing this. Does anyone else?

Hey yall,

I'm on antipsychotics and I dont think we can mention the names so imma just say its the stereotypical weight gaining ones. I didn't believe it at first but I've gained 3kg and I'm freaking out over how fast and easy it was. I want to stop it before it gets out of hand. I've never been good at losing weight so I want to know anyones opinions? Is it only appetite and should I focus on that? Is there a counteractive medication to stop the weight gain?

Thank you!

Hello! I've been living with Bipolar for thirty years but in the past six months I've noticed a real issue with word retrieval. I know what I want to say but I just can't think of the word. I'm obviously worried about early onset dementia but I wondered if it's my meds? I'm on an antipsychotic.

About 3 weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend of two years after being in a depressive episode for about 2 months. I felt disconnected and unlovable, and I told her I couldn’t fight for us. I know I still love her and I know I want to be with her but I feel like all I am is a burden to everyone around me. I want to stop hurting the people I love, I want to start loving myself but I just don’t know how.

I take mood stabilizers and antipsychotics and ive gained alot of weight and excessive hunger.

And my parents and other family members keep commenting on my weight and saying i should exercise and comparing me to other women saying i’d end up like them,

and how it’s hard to lose weight the older i get. and it makes me feel so ashamed. sometimes i can barely get out of bed

and with people commenting on my weight so much it makes me dread exercising so much.

Sometimes with their comments i have to go to my room because i would be crying so much. I used to be skinny and i mourn how much ive changed and it really messed up my self esteem even more.

honestly i feel so numb and would even avoid seeing my family members and stay in my room most of the day so i wouldn’t hear their comments but then they would complain how they haven’t seen me all day.

anyone else get these? i've always kinda had them, especially after i hit puberty and my bipolar also got worse then too. but i noticed my tics are in heavy alignment with my mood, and they tend to come in waves. especially when im in or about to be in an episode.

a year ago or so, it was really bad and i was hitting myself and whistling and al these crazy movements. it pissed me off so bad. and then it disappeared for a good number of months and now it's back again. not as bad (yet), but it started slow. like i would just to small motor tics like blinking hard. but now, again, im whistling, jerking my head to the left, gasping, and im worried it's gonna keep getting worse againnn.

nobody really knows i have it either, maybe like 1 of my friends. so i really, REALLY don't want it to start showing in public even though it already has. has anyone else had this?? does anyone know if theres any way to stop it lmao

I just started a job in a consultancy as a new graduate (I KNOW I KNOW PROBABLY NOT THE BEST CAREER CHOICE FOR MY CONDITION😭).

1. I feel like a clown in disguise talking to people. I am in constant battle with my waves, I’m so paranoid of how people think of me. I’ve had this condition for half of my life and I think I just don’t know how to socialise normally with people anymore.

2. I don’t even know if I should disclose my condition; I didn’t during the application because I feared how it could impact my application although on paper companies generally don’t do that. I’m not planning on disclosing right now, since I’m still very new.

If you have any advice on this or anything else, please give me guidance 😭 I don’t want to burn out, I don’t want to get fired, I don’t want to be lonely at an office!!!!!!!! I just don’t know how😭😭

I’ve been stable for a little over a year now after a severe depressive episode that caused me to gain a lot of weight.
Since then, I’ve been trying to lose weight, but I just can’t seem to make it happen. I can stick to a diet for a month, but eventually the hunger comes back because of my medication.
I also sometimes feel too weak to exercise.
Has anyone else with this condition been able to stay in shape or make a significant physical transformation?
I’d love to hear your experiences and any advice you might have. Thank you so much!

Was on a medication that was causing me to sleepwalk. Didn't think too much about it, but apparently it's something that you should let your psychiatrist know about.

Was prescribed a different medication and seems to be working and no longer causing the sleepwalking.

Just trying to help.

​

***Some Suicidal, Psychotic and Sexual talk

Hey, a bit of a long post but I really need to express this so bare with me.

Mania is fun until you're broke, banged up from climbing trees and eating random poison berries because "hey! That looks yum!" lmao. Eventually, the highs fade, depression gets worse, and you're left an empty shell chasing the high just to feel okay.

They say reach out, help is out there. Help is out there in the same way the cure for cancer is out there, good luck finding it.

1.5 years ago, I spent a month arguing with a voice telling me to kill myself. I've tried hospitals in different cities and a bunch of meds (actually took them), but still no real help.

Last week, I briefly lost touch with reality and thought my left arm was an invasive creature that needed chopping off.

Now I'm back on the edge, I think I'll give in. Grooming taught me that care comes with strings attached, so I struggle to let anyone close and I eventually shut everyone out.

I'm not open to the ER or hotlines anymore, therapy is out of reach, my last manic episode a month ago set me back 4000$, I owe wayyyy too much but I need outside help. I don't know what else to do.

(TW: suicide)
What’s kept you going when you felt trapped and like it was the only way out?
Every day it feels like more of a struggle to hold on. It feels like I’ll never find the right medication and I’m so tired of being like this, it’s been so many years of this.
How do you cope?

I sometimes talk to my neighbour who has bipolar too. We're both suffering from it. But that's the only person I know who has the disorder and I feel a bit alone because of it. I feel like a broken weirdo. I wish I had a bipolar friend.

Tangent but it bothers me when people say theyre "acting bipolar" but then say they're not actually bipolar when I ask about it lol

Last time i was manic i threatened police officer with a baseball bat. Im a really peaceful and positive person but this time i feel so agressive. I really feel out of character. Happened to anyone?

​

I don't know what I'm experiencing because it's been happening for days, not used to it being like this. Idk if Schizoaffective Bipolar is allowed but I am listing it here

- Hearing voices in the floor, other rooms or behind me

- Haven't slept in 3 days

- Elevated mood but anger is more prominent

- eating less

- feeling out of body/numb/ out of touch with reality

- Feeling like I can do anything.

If this is not allowed im sorry I need help and it's been bothering me. My therapist told me I am not manic because I'm not hospitalized or being self destructive..

I'm fucking spiraling I haven't slept in so long but whenever I try to it feels like I'm restless.

Its hard for a lot of us to even keep employment, so to those who work and get paid well, what do you do? And do you think there’s certain fields/environments we thrive in?

5 episodes in the last three weeks. Caught them all within 24 hours. Handled them all using the stuff I learned in DBT and from my therapist. No damage. One iffy assignment. Bought some weird plants but other than that.

Jesus, when do we stop standing in the doorway saying "welp, it's getting late" and just LEAVE?

I am so bored of lying in bed counting down from 1000 sipping ice water. I want to be able to drink caffeine properly again.

Yes I'm gonna talk to my therapist and prescriber. I'm expecting to be told "how much progress I'm making."

what a mess

In my dreams, I repeatedly say that I shouldn't have suspended my studies

I excelled in junior high school, ranking in the top 1% of the city in the senior high school entrance examination

In that year, the total number of students taking the middle school entrance examination in Chenzhou City was over 80,000,and I ranked 856th in the city, which was a very excellent result

That's why I was admitted to the best high school in Chenzhou City,

which is also considered exceptionally excellent in the entire Hunan Province.

I am Chinese

I only completed one full semester in my first year of high school,

and then I went through the suspension procedures in the second semester

I deeply regret having gone through the suspension procedures.

Not only did it derail me from the normal course of life, but also the latter half of my youth was truly miserable.

During my hospitalization, I would often think that if I had never left school, I might have experienced a hint of happiness.

If I hadn't left school, I would currently be a sophomore in college.

However, because I had gone through the suspension procedures, I am now in my third year of high school.

Actually, I'm not even in school now. I feel that the pressure in Chinese high schools is too great.

I know you may have seen many news reports about how wonderful China is. Yes, indeed, I don't deny that.

My country bans guns and drugs, and it provides us Chinese with the greatest level of security.

But I am really tired, exhausted, and in pain.

That's why I am planning to study abroad

I'm not the only Chinese person who feels that studying in China is painful.

Most students feel the same way. Most of my friends are exhausted and miserable.

I don't understand why things have come to this.

One of my friends even committed suicide last year due to the excessive pressure of the college entrance examination.

He has been gone for over a year now

I think I might go to study in the UK or Canada

I hope there won't be any disputes under this post

And I have been diagnosed with mixed bipolar disorder

I have therapy with a licensed therapist once every three weeks. I feel like I just talk about stuff not related to my Bipolar. However, it's topics I don't talk to anyone else about. I get anxious before the appointment and it stews in my mind for days after. I've gone through three therapist in the last two years. I used to go in personally but it's an hour drive so I do video appointments instead. I think this helps a little. What are your thoughts on attending therapy?

I know it’s hard. This disorder is so crushing. It nearly took everything away from me so many times. People without it don’t really understand what it’s like to live with it and it’s an extremely alienating and lonely thing to go through. There will be days where you can’t see the sun and everything feels so hopeless. But even when the clouds are present, the sun is still there and the sun will still rise tomorrow. You go through whole years of your life where everything is bad and nothing is hitting the way that it should. 

Some unwarranted advice that I have is to create as much as you possibly can, put the pain into something whatever your medium is because it helps you better understand yourself and when you are able to make something you love, a little bit of that love pours into yourself too. It’s not even about the end product either, it doesn’t have to be good, the real joy is in the fact that you got to spend so many hours doing something you loved.

I’m so sorry that we’re dealing with this, but there are people out there who will understand. We will fall in love one day and start families and get that job and heal and find joy in life again. I know because I’m at a point in my life where things are finally good again and not even in a manic way, and they will get bad again too, that’s just part of the ups and downs of this disorder. But bipolar friend to bipolar friend, we have each other. 

One day you’re going to meet someone and you’re going to be so glad you stayed. Please stay with us because you deserve to be here and you deserve to have a beautiful life and that’s something that is attainable even if you have bipolar. Life is worth it, life is worth fighting through the terrible episodes and comedowns and all the terror and fear. 

Don’t count yourself out, it’s not over yet, the story isn’t finished and in the end I really do believe that we can all win. You are loved and you are worthy despite what you accomplish or what societal checkpoints that you reach or don’t. Please be soft with yourself, you’re fighting something that is very difficult and that is one of the most painful things that a brain can go through. We’re going to be okay for real. Hang in there. <3

So you may have seen my previous posts. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone had any links to things that actually explain the criteria for mania? My friends hear of me doing one (1) thing that might not be advised and instantly are like you're manic. Apart from the fact that that simply isn't true, it also makes me less likely to be willing to consider it even if it actually was the case.

I feel like everything I've found just says the same things and using the same examples, but really what I'm looking for is something that breaks down each criterion, provides examples of what are and aren't mania, and especially clarifies what the severity might look like to separate it from just someone who is doing very well and stably, and someone who is actually some flavour of manic.

Anything that also provides tips and information around identifying a manic episode in oneself would also be appreciated.

I'm just really new to all of this and I'm lost as to where to find that kind of resource.