​I never thought I would be writing this, but I am sitting alone in my house at 4:30 in the morning feeling completely broken, and I just need a safe space to get this out.

​My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and it has been an exhausting cycle of volatility, walking on eggshells, broken agreements, and shifting goalposts. Tonight completely shattered what was left of our marriage.

​She had been staying at her apartment, but came back home today after dinner with her cousins. She was drunk and immediately started acting erratic—demanding to go back to her apartment, picking random fights, and claiming she didn't want to be with me over and over. Later, I caught her on the phone; she claimed it was her cousin, but I distinctly heard a man's voice. When I confronted her, she blew up, refused to tell me the truth, and started screaming, so I walked away.

​A little while later, she called me and confessed that she did sex work.

​I was in absolute shock. I told her calmly that I couldn't process it right now, went to a separate room, and started crying. That is when the texts started rolling in. While I was sitting alone crying over the destruction of our life, she texted me calling me homophobic slurs, telling me "You're cryin' about yourself," and telling me to "Cry quieter" because my pain was "embarrassing."

​When I went back to tell her to leave and go back to her apartment, she started raging all over again. Things escalated to the point where there was property destruction in the bedroom. I was begging her to leave, called my family, and eventually had to call her cousin and sister to come pick her up and take her away from the house.

​Now she is gone, the house is quiet, and I am just staring at the wreckage of the last five years. She spent the whole night framing her choices as "mistakes" and turning my tears and pain into a weapon against me, accusing me of making it about myself.

​I feel entirely hollowed out, isolated, and broken. I loved her so much she was working on it she was doing therapy I feel so broken. How do I start all over. How do i do this what do I do where do I go who do I talk to

I don't believe at all anymore my ex actually had the memory problems she claimed to have. 'Oh I remember I told you about that guy's

This seems like a real theme, use some sort of horseshit memory excuse to try to get out of trouble. You know what. I don't believe it. I think she remembers exactly what happens and just lies about it. Selective amnesia vs plain old fashion lying? Iean seriously, which one is more likely to be true??

My expwBPD was so incredibly full of herself. She thought she was the best thing and best person ever, and no one else came close. She held herself in such high regard and would steamroll over anyone who didn’t buy into that facade. She was very beautiful and she knew that and would throw it in my face regularly “I’m beautiful and hot and sexy, so yeah I get why people look at me and I like it”. But I wonder if that was all a part of her mask, or if she was truly egotistical? Did anyone else’s pwBPD seem incredibly full of themselves/arrogant/prideful?

This has to be one of the most mind altering experiences ever. The day before you are the love of their life couldn’t imagine life without you. Once you are discarded you are like an enemy to them. Blocked all communication channels and they never want to speak to you or see you again. Instant coldness like you never mattered.

A mask that everyone else believed was the real them?
Meanwhile behind closed doors becoming a monster to you?

It’s infuriating that she projects an image of herself that others believe, then behind closed doors she revealed who she truly was to me and abused the hell out of me, then played victim to her friends and family based on how I would respond to that abuse painting me to be the “abuser” and problem.

Why is it that no one in her circle can see past her mask? Why do her friends and family believe her lies about me? Why am I the only person in her circle that she abused the hell out of? It’s seriously the most frustrating thing having everyone else believe you are the abuser while you are actively being abused.

When I met my now ex pwBPD, she was unemployed due to her mental health for a few years, on 7 different psych medications, had been in 4 inpatient psych facilities in the previous decade, 1 hospitalization from bulimia, and was drinking like a fish.

I ignored the red flags with the skill of a matador and we ended up in a relationship and it was heaven or hell depending on what day you spoke to me. Over our 2 year relationship, she broke up with me maybe 50-100 times, insulted me, abused me, threatened me, my job, my immigration status, and even my cat. I’ve been cheated on, punched, neglected, and even a murder suspect at one point because of her (long story).

When we split a few months back, she finally admitted it was BPD and sought treatment.

I then received a few abusive texts from her a few weeks ago saying that after a thorough assessment, she has CPTSD due to me and the relationship and no other disorders.

My mind is kind of blown at the moment. I have dozens of texts messages from her sent to me during moments of clarity declaring that she is at fault and needs help.

She‘s somehow managed to find a way to blame me for everything despite 15 years of documents psychiatric history before she knew I existed.

How is this even possible? How in gods name is there a therapist out there who didn't dig a little deeper to see what was happening?

Is this normal?

I'm four months-ish out now, still going strong despite the hoover attempts! We also managed to leave things on ok terms. I'm feeling much better, though when I'm feeling emotionally sensitive and missing my exwbpd, I find myself still thinking but maybe it could work, maybe we could try again... and then I have to read about bpd again to remind myself all over again (he is also not in treatment). It's like I have to keep hitting the refresh button for myself.

It's annoying, because I'm ruminating, but almost necessary to not go back. Anyone else have this?

The constant passive aggressive manipulation. The waifing and pretending that they don't know what they're doing? I'm EXHAUSTED.

Defending people with bpd for all the wrong reasons is enabling and is like defending a psychopath.

I agree that they should be treated like any other human as they wear human skin , including for their actions especially harmful actions. . .

They can be the most deceiving people you will ever meet .

They may have gone through some horrible traumatic events but they reuse those experiences on people that are close to them . At times I can tell that they dont mean it but they repeat cycles of abuse .

Ive met people with bpd who are very upset with what they do . They themselves hate themselves.

How else are we supposed to validate our own hurt without calling them out and potentially stopping their crazy abusive cycles on others.

It’s not about them or missing them as I do not at all, it’s more about me feeling sorry and guilt for myself for staying all these years and accept the treatment I got from them and always putting up excuses to their disorder

I've been divorced from my pwBPD for 6 years now. When we first got divorced he ran his campaign against me, telling everyone how "horrible" I treated him and how awful I was to him. He had plenty of flying monkeys believing him and managed to find another supply source very quickly. I never responded to any of it, if people believe him over me then I'm not interested in convincing them otherwise.

We were together almost 20 years. And despite the fact that he kept me on an allowance of $600/month (I made 160k/year) no access to our "shared" savings account (he never put my name on it) to which he used as a negotiating point so he could get whatever he wanted out of the house including gifts that were specifically given to me, just so I'd be able to refinance the house in my name.

A few weeks ago a mutual friend passed away and at his funeral he told my best friend "I'm glad rcinmd didn't act up and get crazy." As if even thought about him, much less that I'd be so disrespectful towards our friend and his late husband at a funeral was telling. He really wanted me to react to his presence, and if my friend hadn't told me he said that I would have not given a single fuck that he was there.

Well this week he got his opportunity to once again provoke me.

I have a pension from my former employer and I needed to get paperwork done to remove him from claiming it. It was not part of our marriage dissolution and he has no right at all to claim it. I had to send him a single page that he has to sign and have two witnesses sign saying he understand that I am taking that action. I wrote him a nice e-mail on Monday telling him of my situation and that I needed it done urgently because I need to start pulling out money on it. He wrote back "I will review the form and get back to you by the end of the week." I just rolled my eyes because I knew he was hoping I'd respond with what any normal person would respond and say "what is there to review? We don't have an agreement for pensions and it's literally just signing a document." But I didn't because I knew this is what he wanted.

Eventually the same friend he told that he was surprised I didn't "act a fool" at the funeral messaged him and mentioned that he knew I asked him for it and said he'd be a witness if he couldn't find one. Well literally 5 minutes after that conversation I get an e-mail back saying "I have reviewed the document and will sign and get two witnesses, then I will snail-mail it back to you." He literally took the scanner from our shared home, I know he has one and yet he's going to send it through USPS to make it take longer. The craziest part of this all though is he's going to need me to do the same for him when he starts pulling his pension.

I guess I'm just venting here because I really am angry about this whole situation and writing this out to people that have experienced pwBPD is helping me hold back and not give him any supply.

I'm 23M, and about four months ago, my relationship of two and a half years ended. I'm writing this because I still can't understand how someone who once loved you so deeply can become a complete stranger.

At the beginning, our relationship was genuinely beautiful. It's difficult to put into words how much we loved each other. We spent almost every single day together, shared countless experiences, created memories, and became an essential part of each other's lives.

Over time, things became a little more monotonous, but she was still my safe place. The person I wanted to come home to, the person I imagined my future with.

I don't want to pretend I was the perfect boyfriend. I wasn't. I had my shortcomings. I probably didn't say "I love you" often enough, didn't give her enough compliments, and wasn't always as romantic or thoughtful as I could have been. I recognize those mistakes, and I genuinely wanted to become better for her.

But I was always there when she needed me. I loved her deeply, even if I wasn't always the best at expressing it.

She had been diagnosed with cyclothymia and had also struggled with self-harm in the past. I'm mentioning this because mental health was part of our relationship, not because I want to blame her diagnosis for what happened.

Throughout our relationship, she sometimes experienced significant mood changes. Toward the end, things became increasingly difficult. Small things I did could make her extremely angry, and she would sometimes treat me harshly. I always tried to stay calm during arguments, never raised my voice, and did my best to avoid escalating things.

During those last months, I also discovered that she was messaging other guys in ways that made me strongly suspect there was romantic interest involved. I never confronted her about it. Part of me was probably afraid of losing her, and I was so focused on becoming a better boyfriend that I ended up putting my own feelings aside.

Eventually, after an argument, she told me to leave and said we would never see each other again.

But here's where things became confusing.

Despite what she had said, we didn't immediately stop talking. She told me that her decision wasn't necessarily final, that she wasn't completely sure, and that she needed time to think about it.

And I held on to those words with everything I had.

For approximately three weeks, I did absolutely everything I could to convince her to give us another chance.

I tried to show her that I understood my mistakes, that I was willing to change, that our relationship was worth saving. I bought gifts, made gestures, and constantly tried to prove how much she meant to me.

Looking back, I can admit that I was desperately chasing her, probably to the point of losing my self-respect.

I was so terrified of losing her that I would have done almost anything to keep her in my life.

During this period, she also needed help preparing for some important exams, and of course I helped her. I still loved her, and being there for her felt completely natural to me.

Toward the end of those three weeks, something seemed to change.

Our conversations started feeling more normal. She wasn't being as cold or hostile anymore. She was answering my messages kindly, and for the first time in a while, I felt like we were slowly reconnecting.

We weren't meeting in person, and she hadn't explicitly said she wanted to get back together, but after weeks of desperately trying, even those small signs of warmth meant everything to me.

I genuinely started believing that maybe we could fix things.

So I asked if she wanted to have lunch together, just the two of us, to talk things through and see whether we could work things out.

She seemed hesitant, but I thought there was still a possibility.

The next day, I called to ask whether we were still meeting.

She told me to stop bothering her, never contact her again, and blocked me everywhere.

And that was it.

After two and a half years together, and three weeks of me desperately trying to save what we had, I was suddenly completely cut out of her life.

A few weeks later, I found out through mutual friends that she was already seeing someone else.

I don't want to judge someone I don't personally know well, but from what I've heard and seen, he seems to be almost the complete opposite of me in terms of lifestyle, ambitions, and personality.

And I know relationships aren't competitions. I know that having a job, taking care of yourself, or trying to improve as a person doesn't automatically make you a better partner.

But emotionally, it's incredibly difficult not to compare myself to him and wonder what he has that I didn't.

It's been four months now, and I still feel stuck.

I've lost motivation in so many areas of my life. My studies, my work, my personal goals, even the things that used to make me excited about the future.

I still find myself checking her social media reposts, trying to understand what she's feeling or looking for some indication that our relationship meant something to her.

Sometimes I see her in public, and she completely ignores me.

That's probably what hurts the most.

How can someone who used to spend every day with you, who knew practically everything about you, who shared so many intimate and unforgettable moments with you, now walk past you like you're nobody?

Like those two and a half years never happened?

I understand that people fall out of love. I understand that relationships end and that nobody owes anyone a relationship.

I also understand that she has the right to move on and that I need to respect her decision not to have contact.

But I just can't wrap my head around the emotional detachment.

How can someone move on so quickly while the other person is still struggling to get through an ordinary day?

And the hardest thing to admit is that, despite everything, if she came back tomorrow and wanted to try again, a huge part of me would say yes without hesitation.

Because I don't just miss having a girlfriend.

I miss her. I miss my safe place. I miss the version of my life where she was part of it.

I know that toward the end of our relationship, things weren't nearly as perfect as I sometimes remember them. But that doesn't seem to make letting go any easier.

I guess what I'm really asking is:

How does someone emotionally detach so completely after such a long and meaningful relationship?

Could she have already been processing the breakup months before it actually happened, while I was still trying to save us?

And why would someone leave the door slightly open for weeks, only to suddenly shut it completely?

Has anyone experienced something similar, where an ex seemed to erase you from their life and moved on almost immediately?

And how did you finally come to terms with the possibility that you might never understand what happened inside their head?

I'm not looking for ways to get her back. I know I can't force someone to love me.

I just want to understand how two people can experience the end of the same relationship so differently, and hopefully find a way to move forward myself.

My ex was notorious for getting very flirty, touchy with other people (both men and women) when she would drink. It always made me so uncomfortable, and when I would try to bring it up she would say that didn’t happen or I was over-exaggerating. But I was there, I saw what happened. I never got drunk around her so I kept my composure and was noticing things like this happening. I wonder if she did it on purpose to try to make me jealous, or if that was just how she was when she drank.

Was it the same for anyone else?

Like the title, what was the final straw that led you to part your ways from your pwBPD?

This is one of those things I didn't even realize I was doing until recently.

Whenever I walk into a room, I automatically start checking everyone. Who seems irritated. Who's quieter than usual. Who answered me a little differently. Whether someone sighed when I came in. Whether two people stopped talking. Whether the energy feels "off."

And almost immediately my brain starts working backward trying to figure out if I caused it.

Did I say something weird earlier?
Did I forget to reply to somebody?
Was that joke I made actually annoying?
Should I be quieter? More helpful? Give them space? Ask what's wrong?

The strange part is that I can do all of this before I've even noticed how I'm feeling.

A few days ago I met some friends for dinner after a rough day at work. One of them seemed unusually quiet, and I spent the first twenty minutes half listening to the conversation because I was watching her face and wondering if she was upset with me.
Eventually she mentioned she'd barely slept because her neighbor's dog had been barking all night.

Oh..I got it.

She was tired.
And I suddenly realized I had spent the beginning of dinner monitoring somebody else's mood while completely ignoring the fact that I was exhausted and stressed myself.

I think I got used to treating changes in another person's mood like information I needed immediately.
If my ex became quiet, distant, irritated, or even just sounded slightly different, there was usually a reason I was expected to notice. Sometimes asking what was wrong helped. Sometimes it made things worse. Sometimes I'd spend hours trying to figure out which version of the evening I was about to get.
So I got very good at noticing tiny shifts.

For a long time I thought that meant I was unusually empathetic or perceptive. Now I'm realizing some of it was probably just vigilance.

I'm trying to practice not immediately making other people's moods my responsibility. If someone is quieter than usual, they can just be tired. If someone is annoyed, it doesn't automatically mean they're annoyed with me. And if something actually is wrong, I don't have to solve it before they even tell me what it is. The part that I'm still learning is checking in with myself before I start checking everyone else tbh.

It's weird how difficult such a basic question can feel sometimes: How am I doing right now?

I find myself questioning this. The honeymoon phase of the relationship with my expwBPD was intoxicating beyond belief. Insane, anything-you-want sex, all the time. Constant gifts, talking, and her building me up as the “best person ever”. The time we spent together felt like we were so in-tune with each other - the conversations flowed, the kissing and make-out sessions were next level. Couldn’t keep our eyes and hands off of each other.

As I reflect back on all of this I question why the honeymoon phase with my expwBPD was so much more intense than the honeymoon phase in any other relationship? Did anyone else have a similar experience? What is your take on it and why it was that way?

All I can say is wow

nearly a year out and 8 months no contact

all the subs I’m reading has so much in common with my ex of 3 years

really knocked the wind out of me ,the emotional shut down and discard at the end

for months I was reading into attachment theories etc and if she fitted some of them -I think we all do

Always thought she was bit nuts when she had a drink but the paranoia ,hyperviglinace ,fear of abandoment ,seeing and believing things that hadn’t happened

She had massive trauma and always admitted it .

but the brutal discard at the end ,from someone obsessed with me constantly to absolutely nothing overnight after I had to relocate an hour away was wild .

still getting over it now with therapy,research and understanding

After finding this group I hope this finally puts the ruminations to bed and i can finally let go and move forward

i have no doubt I was replaced immediately, well they are welcome to her

be their problem now and probably be joining this group in a few months as well 🤣

we ended a year ago ,massive discard and quite jarring to say the least

from her being obsessed to shutting down overnight when I had to relocate an hour away due to business ,then again looking back would never have worked out as she had massive trust and abandonment issues

not to mention drink /substance abuse -not massively at all but it was there

was together 4 years

called her out in her shitty behaviour at the end and had a massive row about a year ago - never spoke since

reading this forum she absolutely had BPD ,lol I remeber googling it when I was with her as could see traits 🤣

do they ever return to apologise or anything like that

be intrested in their behaviours

thank you

What are the chances that they act like that intentionally and fully consciously just to do whatever they want in life without facing any blame/ accountability ?

Like " I want to do so and so and so ... No one shall stop me from doing what I damn please" " how do I do so without being accountable for it ?"

I've been trying to rebuild my relationship with my family after my divorce from my exwBPD. After years of being the PR person for my ex, I finally told my Mother some of the things that happened during our relationship and why it took so long to leave. The subtle emotional abuse and gaslighting that kept me in a cycle of doubt and rationalization for so many years.

After all of the fear that they would judge me or wouldn't support me, she simply said:

"Oh baby girl, that's what you've been dealing with all this time?!"

I just started to sob. It seems silly in hindsight, why was this the thing that finally pulled away another layer of the fog? But in that moment I could see it all so clearly: the life I could have had, the helping hand that was there the whole time had I just reached out to take it. The stark realization that what was so normal for me wasn't normal at all, and was actually horrifying for the people that love me.

In all of the stories I read about women being isolated from their friends and family through coercion from their partners, I never saw myself in them because what they experienced seemed so overt and obvious. My ex never called me foul names or hit me, so what I was going through wasn't the same right? But I was her, she was me, the whole time. The frog in the pot who missed how hot the water had gotten because for so long it felt like the warmest hug.

I'm not sure if there is a goal with this post, but if there has to be one then maybe it's a reminder to be kind to yourself while you heal. Try to only linger on the past long enough to make note of the lesson. Don't focus on what could have been, but what could be. You are stronger than your weakest moments, and have so much more life to live.

I’ve been pretty active on this site and wanted to list the list of delusions and paranoia my ex had with me in our 20+ years relationship after 5 years of therapy.

- thought I was cheating and checked my phone & emails when I was sleeping for 20 years.

- picked fights with male co workers + random people at bars saying they were hitting on her and disrespecting her and wanted me to fight them.

- after late night with my male friends she would asks me to take my underwear off to check for any discharge to check if hooked up with girls.

- convinced that there were hidden cameras in hotel when we traveled.

- during our honeymoon she asked if I was going to kill her and bury her in a different country. In all seriousness when I laughed and stated that it was insane to even think about that. She said it crossed her mind since the engagement!

- was upset my nieces looked exactly like me implying I may have been the father.

- every woman was checking me out

- if I didn’t want to have sex she thought I was cheating

- her hair found underneath the couch was some other girls if it wasn’t her natural color. She would dye her hair often.

- she picked a fight with a homeless (on meth) for whistling at her and I almost got chocked out until passersby stopped it.

- made me chase a guy in a car because she said he was jerking off to her in his car

- stopped talking to all her childhood friends because of tiny disagreement in politics

- would drive by my house when I was not with her and check if my car was there

- had a PI followed me for weeks because she suspected me of cheating when I was taking extra shifts. Found out because of the credit card bills

- constantly stated guys watching porn were disgusting cheaters even though I didn’t watch

- has guy friends who are “obsessed” with her which creeped her out but kept in constant contact via text and DMs

- I like watching sports so I had an addiction to sports

- she would wake up crying and hit me during nights
because in her dreams I was cheating on her

- after the birth of our child she would request a vasectomy so I wouldn’t get a different person pregnant

- would refuse to watch shows or movies for actresses I liked

- she wanted a “hall pass” for her favorite singer but if joked I needed one for the certain actresses (like it would ever happen!) she said she would cut my thing off while I was asleep and been in a bad mood for weeks

- try to test my loyalty by testing my jealousy with other ex hanging out with us but I’m not a jealous person so i didn’t care. This meant I was cheating on her as I was “emotionally” checked out.

- when I would smile thinking of something funny that happened or laugh at a meme friends sent she would ask who I was thinking about and texting

- she hated all my ex even from middle/high school but would check their social media since I was still friends with them. BTW they were all married with kids

- I hated cosmetic surgery and asked her to never get it but friends and family would tell me stuff she got things done which I didn’t noticed because I saw her everyday. When I found the receipt she told me she had to in order to keep me “satisfied” when I specifically told her daily she was beautiful and didn’t need anything done

- Hated that I exercised and looked fit because I was trying to attract girls

- She would nitpick my body such as I couldn’t grow a beard like a “real men” but if I would even jokingly say something about her hygiene or messy hair (she didn’t shower for a week at a time) it will trigger her for weeks.

- I purposely ruined her body by getting her pregnant when SHE was the one who forced me to get her pregnant by timing her ovulation and doing it when I was just not in the mood.

- Accused me of being gay because I had a close guy friend since elementary school

- I grew my hair long onetime so I wanted to transsexual?!

- Accuse me of trying to show off my body when I wore tank tops during summer

- She left her hair tie in my car and found it in the back seat when she was looking for something so I must have been cheating

- All her exes were abusive sexually and emotionally

- If I stayed late for work anytime I was hooking up with a coworker

- Isolated me from my mom because she thought I was too close with her and it was “weird”

- Sought therapy toward the end due to PTSD symptoms and she labeled me as “unstable” & “mentally ill” and cried that I needed therapy

- She cut off her best friend because one time she squeezed my cheeks with “loving looking at me“ (her words) when we all went out drinking.

- I was very honest and open and told her we were going to a strip club in Vegas during a friend’s bachelors trip. She immediately made me come home. All my friends were absolutely pissed and hated her. I now feel stupid for telling her and leaving.

- Thought one young couple newly married who lived next to us wanted to have a threesome with me because I was very close with them as they were from my hometown.

- Thought I was gay because I would listen to classical music sometimes.

- Thought one of our children who is 3 is gay because he like to dance when music came on.

- Toward the end of our relationship she only had male gay friend and ZERO girlfriends. She said straight guys only wanted to sleep with her.

There are so many more but I probably suppressed those memories.

I don't understand how's this even possible after one year together I bought her a gift for her Birthday Its supposed to arrive tomorrow and we were in a videocall I went to help my mum for a sec and when I came back she had end the call and text me this.Idk what I'm supposed to do this is just crazy the way she behaves but I'm trapped idk how to let her go I need ur help I don't have anyone to talk to about this what should I do?

I really have no clue what goes on in these people's minds. After a horrifying relationship with my exwBPD, that ended over 3 years ago, followed by her sending picture proof of her cheating, months of legal threats and years of her stalking, I thought I had enough and would never date someone with personality disorders again. I found this sub, which helped me understand a lot of what happened, helped me heal and taught me what to watch out for. I vented, helped others and went through this rocky road with friends, until I slowly stopped coming back, and this sub became a distant memory.

That is, until now. I had a healthy relationship, which had to end, until last year I met someone. We clicked instantly, somehow had tons in common and I fell head over heels. That was, until I found out she was dating someone else, had a big family fight and disappeared. I jokingly suggested to my friends she might be like my crazy ex, to numb the longing-for-connection void she left. She reappeared a month later, we reconnected and took off. I knew the signs; the lovebombing, the guilt-tripping, the mirroring, the clinginess and intense emotions. I knew the backgrounds; the abusive childhood, the domestic disputes, the fights with parents and lack of persistent friend groups. I thought she was different bc she said she did not have BPD (she mentioned going to a therapist and taking medication before) and bc she wasn't volatile, like my ex. The difference was, instead of hostility and blowing up, she'd just get "incredibly sad". It got suspicious, how she said she "never got angry, only sad". I did not see it coming, I thought I knew what to look out for, and despite some alarms being raised, I chalked them off since she behaved so well.

We spent months looking like a healthy relationship, communication was there, fights and disagreements were resolved and compromises made. Until somehow, I made a fatal mistake. I told her I was going to go through a rough stretch at college, so I started treating her like a queen, to make up for the time we won't be able to spend together - to be a good partner. She noticed, told me she was happier than ever and asked for the reason why, but apparently my answer was not good enough. She started rewriting our relationship, asking why I didn't treat her like this on Day 1. Acting as if I was dismissive and neglectful during our earlier months. Where once she had told me she liked to call and game more often, every attempt at doing so was met with cold rebuttal. My attempts to heed her requests were blocked by the very person who made them.

After she turned this switch, I continually asked her what was wrong - I felt she was off. She told me she was just "hurt" and needed time. Started getting upset at minute details. She convinced herself she was somehow being wronged by everything, now I was somehow disrespectful at every turn. If I sneezed the wrong way, gave her a look, or did not buy her a beer during a night out, all became "straws that broke the camel's back". Suddenly, she claimed I never paid for dinner back then, and my gifts weren't expensive enough. The flowers needed to be more frequent, and the chocolates branded "cheap". She rewrote our whole relationship as a struggle, as if she did not seem the happiest woman on earth, and blew the little wrongs out of proportion. She turned me into her enemy, my imperfections and struggles as affronts to her wellbeing. She stopped trying to communicate and resolve arguments, now I was the only one fighting for the relationship and giving her time and my whole paycheck. I asked her why she was not returning any affection, and she called my efforts "the bare minimum" (when I asked why she wasn't putting in this "bare minimum", she changed subjects).

She suddenly wanted a "more traditional man", claimed our values were misaligned. She started claiming she'd been "too patient, putting up with my bullshit for too long". She was tired of explaining herself and rewrote that I never noticed or asked when she felt upset. By now, I had realized I was getting discarded, I nearly drove myself crazy looking for reasons until it dawned on me. These were just excuses to jump ship. The pieces fell into place; curtains drawn and lights blasted onstage. The wrongs she claimed, the rewriting, the splitting behaviour. Her suddenly becoming a black hole who would never be satiated. Her unhappiness at me for no longer providing the emotional regulation she offshored to me. Her troubles...

I thought I'd learned my lesson. After what I went through, I thought it'd never happen again. In hindsight, I felt it was wrong, diving into a relationship 1.5 months after reconnecting, her hitting me up not a month after leaving her previous partner... now I'm wandering aimlessly, wondering if she really loved me for who I was, or just because I was an anchor to keep her grounded and obsessed. All I know is that in time, this too, will heal.

Please help. I just want any advice at all. My roommate has BPD and every day is torture. Playing games with her always results in yelling. When I tense up due to this she gets on my case about looking so stressed and stiff, which makes me feel like shit because now I have to pretend to be feeling okay. There's so much more but I'm tired. What do I do.

new guy followers as expected. it has been 2 months since D-day and 5 weeks since the last time i saw her. i think about her everyday especially as halloween approaches. we had so many plans , we were so excited for halloween. it was our favorite. and now she’s going to celebrate it with some loser who offers her a pale imitation of all the things i gave her. it makes no sense. i gave her everything, and she still ruined it.

i keep re-reading her hoover attempt from a few weeks ago. she says so much and yet so little in a few emails, alternating between idealizing me and devaluing me. much of it is clear emotional manipulation, but even knowing this i still find myself crying and wanting to believe it. there is no chance i go back or reach out. the damage is far too severe, the questions without answers too numerous, and by this stage there would be no real point. i could never trust her again, i have seen her without the mask.

however i still think of her everyday. i still break down into tears at random times, i still relive old memories and imagine like she is sitting right next to me. when i hear a song she liked i still imagine her reaction, even if i showed the song to her and had prior memories with it. and all of those pretty memories are ruined now. tainted by the fact that the entire time, she was cheating on me. behind every sweet smile was a hundred lies about who she was talking to, what her desires for the future were, even how much she loved me.

she didn’t even wait until the relationship was over before downloading apps to sleep with a few guys. hilariously she uploaded one of the pictures she used for her sex app profile on her instagram “Me<3” highlight. how does someone like this then email me weeks later, after weeks of silence and say that i’m the love of her life. how do you have the audacity? you piece of shit. i’m the “best person” you’ve ever met, and yet somehow you were able to justify cheating on me COUNTLESS times. the last day we spoke you couldn’t even look at me in the face. you couldn’t even tell me what you had done. you still tried to trick me into thinking you were going to work on yourself knowing you had already fucked two different people you met on an app the day before. and i had to hear it from THEIR mouth, you would have never told me. i found out so much about you that day, and still i know i didn’t even scratch the surface.

so why the fuck am i missing you? what the fuck is there to miss? it was a lie! it was a trick, a ruse, a mirage, a fucking joke played on the world’s biggest idiot: me. the funniest part is that i would have forgiven you for everything EXCEPT the cheating. i told you from day one that cheating was my limit. that there was never any justification for cheating and you looked at me and acted like you held the same values. i’m sure you went home that night and told your ex boyfriend all about it. you are a sick fuck. i loved you through it all. i would have forgiven you for it all. hit me when you get mad, call me the meanest name you can think of to directly attack my insecurities, block me, ignore me, threaten suicide, i could have and did forgive you for it all. but cheating. as ridiculous as it sounds cheating feels worse than all of that. you showed me unequivocally that i am not good enough for you. that all of my love , and time, and effort, and money (what little i had) didn’t mean shit.

and it’s not even like you turned on me after a while. no no no. you never even stopped speaking to your ex. you were cheating the whole time. you never gave us a chance. even when things were good, they weren’t. i don’t understand. am i not deserving of the love i gave you? did i not do enough to show you i am a real human with real feelings ? why did you not care about me at all? how could you never stop at any point and go “hey this guy really loves me, in a way i don’t think he’s ever known before, and that i for sure have never known. maybe i shouldn’t betray him on a daily basis? maybe i should avoid leaving him with permanent scars?”. you write me a fucking poem a month after the fact. a fucking poem pulling at my heart strings giving me an anxiety attack. fuck you. i needed that love A FUCKING YEAR AND A HALF AGO. you make me so angry now. you make me so sad. i feel like i am losing it. i don’t know how this person i knew could do something so horrible to me. so evil.

i wish this never would have happened. but i know it does not work that way, and that this is simply my reality now. while you run off with any loser who smiles at you, i sit here. going to the gym, going dancing, seeking therapy, acting like my world didn’t end 8 weeks ago. i checked your instagram today. i see you are going to be the same half costume we had planned on months ago. i wonder who will join you. who have you replaced me with? was it worth it? some watered down cheap imitation of what i gave you? from some jerk who doesn’t love you like i did. is this what you wanted ? this can’t possibly be what our fate was. what was the point of any of this? what was the point at all?