You do not have to do something (like getting married by xx age. or at all) or stop doing someting (like a hobby, ie gaming, etc) because of societal pressure.
I grew up seeing people my parents age looking like everything that was enjoyable was sucked right out of them while they'd say "I'm too old for x"
So I refused to do that growing up.
I'm almost 40, and I'll get excited over something for 10 year olds because I'm practically an uncle to all my friends kids.
"You got a new Lego set? Heck yeah let's go!"
Meanwhile when I was 10, I'd hear "huh, new legos? And how is that going to prepare you for life? When I was your age I was working three jobs already."
I saw something similar going up. Anytime you expressed joy or being excited about something someone would start the god damn suffering Olympics. Drove me nuts, and it still happens even now. Suffering for sufferings sake is stupid.
My Dad is a champion at this, "nail polish is for 10 year olds, at your age you should be having 3 kids already". Alright then who is going to feed the kids? You want them to all turn into criminals in this dangerous economy?
My dad is an "at your age" champion too, meanwhile i'm subtly trying to tell his ass to do something else than work his health away and watch tv on the sofa. Hhhhhhh °_• each to their own •_°
I love that human being and look up to him but ffs live a little or something, now i sound just like him in a way lol..
I love my inlaws, they're awesome! But he's the guy where you could tell him "I just got hired at XYZ place!" And his only response is "so when are they making you CEO?"
🫠 He's also the one that believes still you can walk into a place, give the manager a FIRM handshake, hand him your resume, and that will and you a job immediately.
One of my best friend's dad is like this. Shits on him for being a 30 year old gamer with a kid. He takes care of his kid just simply plays when he's asleep as he works from home and on his own schedule.
Would get told constantly growing up that games were a waste of time. Yet he sits on the couch for hours after work watching soccer all day and fails to see the irony.
I only give my kids the “at your age” thing when they complain about household chores like dishes. “At your age I had to wash, dry and out them all away by myself” as opposed to one kid drying and the other putting away while I wash.
My dad can kinda get like this too. I always just hit em back with something in jest with a little prodding like, "Yep and look at ya now! Just a crabby ol whiner. That's a hard pass there dad."
My wife describes this exact behavior as her favorite aspect of my personality. She says she loves seeing me get exited like a kid for the things which bring me joy or for which I am passionate.
I, too, refuse to have joy sucked out of me because the generations before mine had the idea that “you’re too old for x” beaten into them.
My father tells a story about being younger and enjoying to draw. Some of his peers mocked that and he stopped drawing. My father is a very creative person who was never allowed to develop that skill, because someone predetermined that that’s not what was age appropriate.
If my joy for the little things offends someone, I politely remind them that they have a choice— they don’t need to be around me, if they don’t like how I behave.
When I was in my mid 20's I got up early to line up for Grateful Dead tickets at the local record store/ticketmaster outlet. I got really good seats and came home with a huge smile on my face. My mom said something like "when are you going to grow up and get tired of these concerts?" and I said "when was the last time something made you so happy you jumped up & down? why would I stop doing that?"
And at 55, I still get happy enough to jump up & down when I score good seats for a show 😄
How do you just keep that excitement going? Anything other than walking into a bar to see a show seems like way too much work, money and annoyance to deal with just to see some aging rockers lip sync.
Yeah when I was growing up I thought you had to be an alcoholic to enjoy your life because the only time I saw adults seeming to enjoy anything is when they were drinking. Now im 33 and hardly ever drink alcohol because I learned that being hungover sucks and I dont need to drink to have fun. Life lesson learned.
I always wanted one of the Droideka lego sets around the time The phantom menace came out. I was so happy to see they made a new droideka set I bought it and have it displayed next to my other prized legos set the Dune Ornithopter.
Yeah literally a few hours ago, at the store shopping for my nephew on my wife's side and I got him a book and was trying to explain to my wife that yes, he has a ton of car toys already BUT this 69 Pontiac and the 21 tacoma trd pro are definitely needed while the switch back there would also be cool. I just kept hearing things about "budget" and "you're just shopping for yourself at this point" but I mean, who doesn't want a 69 Pontiac???
The trouble is when you have an overwhelming urge to "make the right choice" at all times and don't know what that choice is, and don't know what you really do "have to do" and what you don't, then you get stuck in indecision and shame over every single thing.
Cue a wasted 20's.
I felt and feel shame over everything. Lack of achievements, lack of personality, lack of relationships (both friends and romantic, never dated), ugly, shame over doing things, shame over not doing those same things... And none of it came from others in my life (almost). It's all self-reinforced and at the same time feels insurmountable.
Agreed! I’ve learned how to be comfortable being by myself most of the time. It’s really nice to just be able to be alone and not have someone constantly checking on you all the time.
Absolutely this. I went to college, chose a major and got married young because it was what I thought I should do. The major didn’t work out and neither did the marriage. Even today, I still have to think about whether I am doing something because I want to or because I feel I should.
I just wanted to add to this topic that I agree with the societal pressure part, but there's also a biological urgency that stresses me out.
I want kid(s), but if I don't find the partner I want to make a family with in the next 8 or so years – biology starts to make it increasingly difficult to have a child (with a partner of a reasonable age gap)...
As you get older certain hobbies are considered 'childish' or not becoming of your age. This is, of course, utter BS. You should have hobbies you enjoy and help you decompress, regardless of what age you are or what demographic they are 'supposed' to be for.
Gaming is the most common example, but there are plenty.
My response is always 'did you know that gaming is the entertainment medium that generates the most money every year the last 25 years? Whenever anyone wants to give me crap about how I choose to spend my time to decompress with.
Agreed. Don't feel rushed to get married. I'm not a man but I fell into that trap. Especially because I wanted kids so badly and felt my biological clock ticking. It was a horrible mistake. I should have been more rational. Now that I'm divorced and don't want children, I feel much more free to worry about myself and my own happiness over twisting myself into pretzels trying to be marriage material.
absolutely, unless it’s something like stalking high school girls’ social media. it’s cool when you’re in middle school, slightly less cool in high school, and not good at all after that.
Maybe a goofy comparison, but when I was 17 and getting ready to graduate highschool, I was terrified because I thought you couldn't wear a backpack as an adult. Backpacks were for kids, wallets were for men, and anything too big for a wallet was either carried or done without. Imagine my great delight when I realized that not only was that not true, but you can even put fun pins on them if you want, and if people don't like it, they can shove off.
To add to this, you don't owe anybody a relationship. If you get into one and feel like it isn't going to work out but the other person really doesn't want you to leave, don't stay on their behalf. Just a good way to waste your youth on something that will likely grenade spectacularly anyway
EXACTLY this, as you get older you live to learn. And live to learn to be happy what you have. Nothing wrong with going after things as well. Like fancy expensive cars or a new house. But its life doesn't care about if you want those things. You gatta live.
To add to this. Don't let women tell you what is or isn't manly. They aren't the ones that have to deal with the consequences of it and their advice for it Always leads to the most horrendous examples of humans. Let alone men.
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u/a_model_citizen_ 13h ago
You do not have to do something (like getting married by xx age. or at all) or stop doing someting (like a hobby, ie gaming, etc) because of societal pressure.