Looking for a vent, or maybe some advice as I am entering this new season of life. I’m 32, pregnant with my first child (and probably only for a multitude of reasons) and both my spouse and I are so excited for this chapter.

This month however, I have been on 24/7 survival mode. We both have demanding consulting careers, with my husband’s feeling more precarious due to a lot of factors (he works as a civil engineer and there is not a lot of work going on due to interest rates, builders halting projects, oil prices increasing, all sorts of shit really). So naturally, he’s been hunkering down at the office a little longer. I do wanna emphasize, I do think he’s pretty dang close to equal with full equity being achieved when we have conversations regarding domestic load.

Anyway, onto what’s gone on this month. Both dogs had bouts of kennel cough from the boarding facility we took them to during a family vacation, and since me and the spouse are clean freaks, we were constantly mopping our floors (they spit up weird foam), washing sheets, going to vet appointments because they got the bout of kennel cough at separate times. THEN! My male dog had an allergic reaction to the amoxicillin prescribed and got nightly explosive diarrhea which required yet another visit! :-) Everyone is doing fine now. I think I’m feeling resentful cause the multiple vet visits fell onto me. I told my husband moving forward, he’s responsible for the dogs.

Well the survival mode feeling is all of this happening at once. The dogs being a hot mess also happen to land on our home renovation project (my brother in law is helping, I am of no use lol), my baby shower, a infant safety class put on by the hospital, and my husband’s family coming to town to help with the renovations the week before the baby shower. This is all layered on top of covering for a coworker who’s on medical leave for about 4 weeks, and then preparing for my own 12 week leave in December. I’m on the west coast, and the coworker is on the east coast, so balancing both books of business has me working 60 hours a week at the moment. On top of third trimester so I am going to the OBGYN a lot more.

I have a lot to be thankful for, a healthy baby on the way, a job that allows me flexibility, but has 2-3 busy seasons a year lol, a renovated home, cute doggies, and a great family that wants to be as supportive as they can. BUT does the survival mode ever end with working motherhood? I’m not regretting this decision, but damn what the fuck did I sign up for lol.

Are you kidding me? Got an alert this morning that school will be closed December 18 .. my twins are 3.5 - their "school" is 2-3-4s and follows the larger school district calendar. So days are 9-3 and holidays, etc closures. This day was always a 'conference day' on the larger school calendar, meaning its only for teachers, its only certain teachers / grades.. This particular one was only marked as a half day and didn't affect us.. It never affects the schools 2s & 3s, it would only affect 4 grade teachers.. SOOOOO TELL ME WHY YOU ARE CLOSING THE ENTIRE BUILDING? But also now I am paying for an entire month of December with not only the last two weeks closed, but add another Friday in there tooo.. and I set up my PTO for the remainder of the year so F'U to me. This is such a scam.

This is just wild to me. How do you add another closure, so close to year-end and just tell parents "sorry, figure it out" and also "don't forget to pay for the day regardless if we are closed" that has always baffled me about daycare, we pay and yet can't use the benefit? Something no one seems to understand.. I am going to have to get care, probably $200 babysitter for the day (I have two toddlers) and I paid for school, which is closed lol make that make sense.

I have been at my job for almost a decade and have been extremely lucky that my employer has covered 100% of healthcare premiums. They even covered the premium to add my husband and my child.. which I know is an anomaly. Well, company got acquired earlier this year and open enrollment is here and the new company is not covering the full premium anymore.

I know in general just over the past couple years costs have skyrocketed cause when I filed taxes earlier this year I noticed that the amount my employer paid for my healthcare was nearly double what they paid last year, for the same # of people, same exact plan. So I can’t say I’m totally surprised by this, but after 10 years of not having to pay for healthcare premiums I of course do have a bit of sticker shock and don’t know what’s normal anymore. I know it obviously depends on what kind of plan and deductible you choose, but for those of you in the US, how much are you paying per check or month for healthcare for your family?

My 11 month old has been going to daycare for the past four months and overall we’re happy with the place we chose. His teachers are all very nice and I’ve built a relationship with the director. However, he gets sick with a fever about once a month. To me, I figured this was pretty standard. It’s a brand new place with a bunch of other babies and he’s building an immune system. However, I tend to get so many comments from people at work every time he’s sick that he gets sick so often and I should find a different daycare or get a nanny. The comments have started adding another layer of stress to an already stressful time when he’s sick. At first I would just brush them off but they happen so often that now I’m in my head if we should consider other arrangements. One thing I’ll add is that the comments do come from people at work who don’t have kids and I never receive comments like this from those who do. So for those of you who do have your kids in daycare, is getting sick once a month with a fever pretty standard or is that outside the norm?

EDIT: wow!!! I came back to check this after a stressful day at work and I had tears in my eyes seeing over 100 comments basically all telling me that what I’m going through is pretty normal and that a lot of you have been in the same boat. I am going to try to reply to all your comments today because it just means a lot. Juggling this working mom life is not easy and can be very isolating so I’m just so gratefull for each and everyone one of you for taking the time to comment.

So a coworker and close friend of mine left our company, and was very disruptive in their exit interview calling out the ongoing sexism from our direct manager we have been enduring. HR called me to their office for a “quick chat” to follow up and I told them some of the issues I’ve been having as diplomatically as possible and with examples (talking down to of women on our team, hostility towards women, being told not being able to attend a 3 week international trip due to not finding nighttime childcare coverage for my husband who works nights “could be a career limiting decision”, and more) and they said thank you and that they’ll be working behind the scenes. If retaliation happens I am supposed to report immediately.

Well, suddenly everyone in my team got invites to skip levels with our manager’s manager (who used to directly lead our team, and ignored our concerns when she announced my current manager would be joining our team. This was despite concerns of poor treatment of myself and other women by this man in the past). She told me if I had issues with him I needed to directly deal with them with him, and not to involve her. Now, nearly 2.5 years later we all suddenly have skip levels with her. She’s barely said hi to us in those last few years and has removed herself from most meetings we had with her.

What is the likelihood the skip levels are related to the HR things, and if so how should I proceed without getting myself in trouble? I’m 7 months pregnant (HR and my team is aware) and I plan on not returning from mat leave for more than my 1 day required (I confirmed there’s no clawback clause)

I feel like I’ve lost all motivation and I’m slipping into patterns of doing just the bare minimum. With my career, with the house cleaning, with my family. I feel awful and guilty but I can’t seem to get myself out of this funk. Any down time I have I just want to doom scroll on my phone. I want the motivation back to eat better, to work out my body and mind, to use my free time more productive like cleaning the house, planning activities to do with the family, and I want to find joy and excitement in my work and life again.

Looking for any tips or tricks that have worked for others to get out of a rut like this. Thank you!

I’m feeling like a selfish parent for considering taking a higher stress/higher paying job that would require more time away from my 12 month old. I would love to hear from anyone that’s navigated career advancement while being a working mom.

A little background, I currently have a relatively low stress job, the pay is ok, and it allows me to spend 5 hours with my baby between when I get off work and bedtime. I was offered a promotion that I’ve been told is a demanding role that pays significantly more. If I took the new role I would get one hour less time with my baby and I might have to take calls when they are home. I feel selfish for even considering having less time with my child but the money could provide a lot of opportunity for my family.

I know no one can make my choice for me but I’d love to hear from other working moms that have been in similar positions, what decision did you make and what factors did you weigh?

As the title says, I’m due in early December. FTM.

I’m possibly insane and just need to let this go but I saw a post come online today for a job in another organization that is an excellent fit for me and 100% the kind of role I’ve been looking for in the last year. I think I’d be a very strong candidate and it has the opportunity to be a big career accelerator for me.

I know people within that organization that I have a good rapport with that I could reach out to in order to learn more but honestly, I realize that I’m being really unrealistic. I’m about to have a baby, my plan was to do a 12 month maternity leave (I live in Canada) but now I’m like holy smokes. How can I let this opportunity go by?

Is it worth even reaching out to understand the job start date and if it would even be realistic for me to be considered? Logistically, does this have any way of even working out for me?

My son is almost 1, and I really appreciate his daycare teachers. For Christmas, I'm planning to give $100 gift cards to his two main teachers and $50 to each of the three other teachers.

I've also given $25 restaurant gift cards for three teachers' birthdays, gifts during Teacher Appreciation Week, and $25 gift cards to three teachers at random times throughout the year.

I also write long, personal messages in their cards explaining how much I appreciate them and what they do for my son.

I'm curious what other parents typically spend on daycare teacher gifts throughout the year. Am I giving more than most people do?

To start: my husband is great, we are genuinely friends as well as partners. He does most pre-k drop offs for our twins, he does dishes about as often as I do, he cooks, he takes out trash, etc etc. We alternate nights where one will tackle bedtime duties and the other will finish dishes, pack lunches, maybe some toy pick up if we’re feeling energetic. I am sure he does chores that I don’t think about. But I know that I am the one doing all laundry, wiping down all counters and tables on my clean up nights, maintaining deep cleans around the house, scrubbing toilets, cleaning up all the stupid morning cereal bowls when I get home in the afternoon after pre-K pickup,and so on.

Here’s my issue: I recently started noticing that if I get distracted after dinner time (because TWIN TODDLERS) and I leave the table, I’ll sometimes leave my dirty plate. On his clean up night my husband will do all dishes, pick up the kids’ dishes, load dishwasher and start it, and leave mine on the table for me to find the next morning. I finally asked him why, and I guess he’s been passive aggressively pissed at me for awhile about this. I own up to my failure to always take my plate over to the kitchen, but I do so many other things constantly that it never occurred to me that it was a big deal. But I guess it is. And now I feel so defeated.

How can I possibly try any harder? I do so much and I work full time. Nobody is perfect. And I don’t expect him to be 100% perfect! He does little things in a similar vein elsewhere (forgetting to hang up wet bath washcloths, leaving his lunchbox on the counter for me to empty, coffee cup left in the microwave for who knows how long, stuff like that) and it doesn’t occur to me to be angry about it. Twins are hard, we’re just surviving, and our lives are full of distractions. We’re a team, I thought, and we both forget stuff and also help each other. But this petty, unspoken small thing has blown up in my mind as a huge issue.

Now I can’t help but wonder what else he’s pissed about. And I know we need to talk, but I just had to vent so that hopefully I won’t go full Krakatoa and cry when we get into it.

This adulting thing is hard.

Curious to hear from those who have had their second baby in a situation where you have minimal village. My toddler goes to daycare and beyond daycare, we’ve got very few other people to lean on, none of them for more than an hour or so. The logistics of making delivery and a hospital stay work with minimal outside support is sort of making my head spin. I’ve got a few months to go until delivery, fingers crossed, but I’m trying to get a few plans in place both for an emergency situation and for a more planned one. Barring some sort of preterm labor, I’d be delivering at 38 weeks for medical concerns.

My first delivery was an induction, and I was in hospital on a Monday and didn’t come home until the Thursday. Am I crazy to be considering a C section to establish some sense of predictability in terms of timing? C section mothers do not necessarily stay longer in hospital after birth where I’m at and certainly the front end would be quicker.

If you’ve crossed this bridge before, what were your plans and how did it work out? Thank you!!

Was thinking of MPH (public health), MBA, or PhD Organizational Behavior, or even masters in digital marketing.

My masters is in Data Analytics. But ever competitive field so not getting anywhere and career gap is a problem.

for reference I’ve been a SAHM and also a working mom. My career has not been linear. Currently job hunting. Is a 2 year gap very bad? Should I go back for a second masters or even a PhD. I’m 40 years old so maybe too late for more schooling. That means paying out of pocket for that. Or is that not necessary? I have a masters already. Are LinkedIn courses helpful to show I’ve been staying current?

I also thought about completely changing career to something less demanding like some sort of customer service remote role. What careers do you have? Any that have been fully remote?

Would you do a demanding job like teaching with low pay or an equally demanding corporate job with double the pay?

Long story short, found out I was pregnant while interviewing for jobs. The hiring process from start to finish took a while (about 2.5 months) and now I'm in my second trimester starting a new job.

I'm in a large pharma company and not sure when to bring up to the team that I'm pregnant and will need to go on maternity leave in a couple of months. It's a busy time at the company and they hired bc they were short staffed and needed more people. I was thinking of waiting till 20 weeks, halfway point, and then bring it up. This would give me more than a month of working there.

It might be helpful to add this is a remote position in clinical developemeny so the team cannot physically see I'm pregnant.

Curious to see if any women in pharma have dealt with this and how have you brought it up?

I've just returned to work after nearly 2 years off and am really struggling. I can't say this to anyone else but seeing other kids at daycare who have their parents switch off drop-off and pick-up makes me almost wish I picked someone different to build a life with.

I work from home and make about 80% of my husband's wage but do so much more around the house and for our daughter because he is simply... not here. I book the doctor's appointments because they'll be around my schedule, I check the daycare calendar because I'll be the one dressing her for Halloween PJ day, I do the tidy-up on my lunch because I'm home. All the little things end up on my plate because I'm here to notice them.

He works incredibly hard but between his commute, his workday and overtime expectations he's gone from 6-6. When he's here, he's a fully present and wonderful dad- he knows her schedule and does bed and toy tidy-up.

I see women with husbands who either work from home or have flexible hours and I just feel almost disappointed I didn't think ahead when picking a partner. Then I feel horribly guilty because my husband is a good one.

Single moms who need to work around school runs or nursery hours and don't have family to help out what do you do for work?? My child has additional needs so breakfast and after school club aren't an option. I'm looking for ideas of jobs that fit within the school day hours so would need to be 10am - 2.30pm. Currently training to be a counsellor as that can be flexible hours but really interested to hear what other parents do?

I have twins in kindergarten and oh my gosh I had no idea how crazy the school year schedule would be. So many activities, field trips, parties. I want to attend them all and be there for my kids but also only have so much PTO and flexibility. How are we handling all of it??

Any parents rollerskate/blade while having your little ones the a stroller? Any tips? I am going to attempt it this weekend and I am so nervous/excited!

I am 5 months postpartum with my second child (eldest is 2.5) and struggling with managing life while working. My mornings and evenings are so stressful because that's the only time I have to cook and clean up dinner/breakfast, pack lunches, wash bottles/pump parts, do the dishes and laundry and spend time with my kids. I know I'm not the only one doing all this so looking for some advice/support.

I want more face time with my babies when I can just be with them, play, talk. But unfortunately in the evening/mornings at least half the time it seems like I'm leaving the baby in a container and having my eldest do something independently (which oftentimes backfires into him acting out for attention - cue the guilt trip). My husband helps but is mostly just as overwhelmed as I am. We also stagger our hours so we're solo for a bit each day.

We love our kids so much and I feel like I'm failing them. I want them to have a good life, which requires my sanity. I would love to workout regularly but right now I can't even put the laundry away - it's been sitting on the couch for three days. The way to make things easier seems to be outsourcing - hiring cleaners, ordering in, paying for more childcare. But the cost is so high (ex. paying so much more for poorer ingredient quality) and it just adds more logistical challenges to our life (managing more help, needing to drive one extra place after work, whatever it is). I'm not sure what's really worth it.

I'm away 7:45-5:15. Maybe I need to get a different job so life is better for my family, but first I'm really trying to make this work as I actually earn more than my husband and I used to like my job. Right now I really don't care about work but I hope the spark will come back with time. My husband has poor executive functioning and would not do well managing things as a sahd.

What are you doing to make it all work?

I worked for 2 years with the same team as a marketing lead. It was a high visibility position as the project held a lot of visibility with management. Before I left on maternity leave in June, my boss brought in another colleague on the project and I just had bad juju from the start. It was presented to me that he’d be taking over while I was on leave.

This week I returned and she stated there had been some changes to responsibilities and redirected to me another team. I really don’t have the same level of interest at all working with them nor the projects they have available to me.

Is it worth while making this clear to them? Do I look for a new job? This is my third child and I’ve never had this happen to me.

I’m just sad that daycare gets the best of my 18 month old all day and I see him for like 1.5 hours before bed in the evening and i’m sad that I have a 9 week old that has reflux, is fussy, and very attached to me and I have to send her to daycare in 3 weeks despite her ever only being away from me for an hour or so at a time. I can’t extend my leave because it’s unpaid and we can’t afford it and I have a huge job and it wouldn’t be guaranteed if I didn’t go back. I’m just having such a hard time with our days now being numbered and that we don’t get 6 months. She also sleeps horribly so it’s exhausting even thinking about being up half the night then getting two kids ready me ready and out the door and then my husband and I just rushing through in the evening to dinner and bed time.

Hi fellow working moms. If you have 2 under 3 and both you and your husband both work in professionnal 9-5 or like 8-4 settings, plus commute, and your kids are in daycare, what does your day look like ? What time do you wake up? Do you cook breakfast? Who does the drop off and pickups?

Do you cook dinner? Do you do daily baths? story time? What time do you pick them up from daycare ? Do you go to the park?

and the 100$ question.. if you have a dog… when do you walk the dog?

I didn’t know how to flair this, anyone can respond!

I know there are some moms here who know how to calc which medical plan would be most cost effective. Please help! I just entered open enrollment.

We are a family of four, my kids are 3 and almost 6. My husband has regular therapy appts and is now in PT for a neck issue. He’s usually good for one ER visit a year lol. I get migraines and see a neurologist twice a year. Those are our regular appts we need coverage for.

PPO plan is $349/pay (26 pay per year). Deductible is $1500, OOP max is $7k

HSA plan is $262/pay with my employer contributing $1,040 annually to the HSA. Deductible is $3700, OOP max is $7k

I don’t know what other info is relevant but I can provide whatever makes sense!

Every year I debate between these two plans and would love to learn how to price them out correctly.

Thank you!!

Another coworker just left early coughing and hacking out the office. I just worked from home last Thursday and called off Friday because I caught something from my Supervisor who decided to come on to site that Wednesday coughing and hacking.

My coworker probably caught it from me because I had to come in yesterday since I had just asked to work from home and "HR is strict". I don't get sick days and unfortunately I need to save my PTO for when my son is sick. So instead of giving people due time to get it out of their system and work from home safely we force ourselves to come on site and take turns getting each other sick. Where is the logic? RTO standards are ridiculous.

I’m a 42 year old mom of 2 littles 6 and 4. I work a high stress, great paying job with a generous yearly bonus. I currently make twice the salary of my husband. The job is hybrid and my office isn’t far from my house. My boss is flexible with how I use my time off and how I need to leave early to pick up the kids. The biggest issue I have with this place is that I am never getting promoted. In our department, all higher ups are outside hires. No one has gotten promoted since even before I joined 10 years ago. The next step above is always someone hired from the outside. On top of it, being in management seems absolutely miserable and people usually only last a year or less so there is high turnover in management. I can’t switch departments because the rest of the departments have nothing to do with my skill set/job. I’m thinking of waiting until the next bonus and finding something else. I’m upset that I’m not getting the recognition for my work, know I am not getting promoted here ever and see this as a dead end cushy job (they have a pension plan!). Part of me is thrilled with the safety of it and feel that i should be grateful but another part of me is just upset as i see my friends, adversaries and colleagues in other departments ascend in their career and im just…still here. Nearly 10 years in and nothing to show for it. They pay me generously and my bonus and raise are always very good. What are you guys thinking? Should I stick it out because of the flexibility while the kids are little and the safe job or should I look for something else?

Hi all, this sub has always been so helpful so thought i would post here. I was recently promoted from data specialist to project manager. The role is a little outside my scope as it is focused on IT, while my experience is mostly in research and data. Its a small team in a state government position, so Im still with my same team just under a new manager (he had the PM role and was promoted).

I was a little worried about taking on this role because of this manager, but I have known him for years, and while we’re not besties, we work fine together. My concerns were mainly that he just wouldnt be a good manager, which I am finding to be the case.

He is currently having me send him draft emails before sending tasks into IT for him to proof/review. This makes sense (to a degree) while I’m getting used to the new language, scope of requirements, etc. I will say, it is not what I would do as a supervisor. His level of review is way beyond what I would consider to be appropriate. In an email I wrote yesterday, one line said “no changes to x measure to be made” and he changed it to “no changes to x measure SHOULD be made” with a couple of other small changes, including capitalization corrections. In a separate email thread, after I sent a follow up clarification, he messaged me immediately questioning the priority level and requested delivery month, in a very passive aggressive manner. “Did you intend for this to be high priority perhaps, since you requested November delivery?” Which was his way of telling me I should have put down December delivery instead. IE, I had put something in as low priority but an unreasonable turnaround.

I am fine with being corrected and learning as I go, but in my mind these are minor errors that are able to be worked out directly with the IT team, not things I need microdirection from my boss on. Communication is fluid and adjustable, and as long as I am communicating the specific business needs to the correct people in an accurate manner, everything else I can modify and learn as I go. I am feeling heavily monitored and like a puppet, as I am receiving pretty constant feedback and direction on what to say and more specifically, how to say it. If we are having a meeting with a team, instead of adding a suggestion if he thinks Ive overlooked something, he will message me to the side and suggests asking for a specific action item. They are fine suggestions, I just don’t like the side messaging, I would prefer he just say it in the meeting like every other boss I have had. I have specifically mentioned this to him, but he seemed kind of taken aback when I did. Not unwilling to change, but very surprised and somewhat defensive.

He is new to being a supervisor, and is only supervising me and one other person, and I know part of this is that it is his old role and there are ways he likes doing things. He is not an unreasonable person, and genuinely wants to be a good supervisor. But I am finding his oversight unbearable. I had a lot of latitude in my last position, was reporting only to my director (still my director, and my boss’s director). I worked directly with her in many situations and was also given responsibilities by her with no comment on my language used, only direct feedback on my work. Its frustrating to be promoted and feeling more managed than before.

I need some advice on how to proceed. I am finding this dynamic unbearable and it is making me regret this promotion. My instinct is to go to my director and share what is going on, but I know that is maybe not the best course of action without giving my supervisor some communication about how I am feeling. What suggestions do you all have?