I don’t know that I’ve ever posted a win in here but here goes!!

I just had a big week at work- in person meetings, two presentations, I was very stressed and my husband was so encouraging the whole time.

Our kids have been passing around a cold and today it took me down…. I felt the need to get back into bed right after the big kids went to school.

And then the guilt started to set in…. Our nanny wouldn’t be there for our littlest until 9, we had a parent teacher conference at lunch, my daughter had dance after school, I had nothing planned for dinner.

My husband sent me to bed and didn’t bat an eye at taking care of EVERYTHING. Went to the parent teacher conference and filled me in after, got the kids from school, took all three of them to dance, got them food and me on the way home.

I hate not being able to help but I am so insanely happy that I picked the right partner that always does his share every day and then can take over 100% when I need it

Seriously. I didn't tell my manager that. I simply texted my manager I wouldn't be in the next day and she didn't ask why. (I never call out)

I work full time M-F, still finishing my associates degree, have 3 kids, and a husband who is only home a few days a month because of his job. I'm beyond tired and overwhelmed. I'm up by 6am to get kids ready for school, at the office by 9, leave at 5, get home to cook dinner, do my classes, go to bed and asleep by maybe 12. My weekends are full of errands and cleaning. I haven't even had a day to really sleep in, in months. I can't tell you the last time I had a real weekend or day off that didn't involve spending any free moment i have, doing something for someone else. I didn't even tell my husband I took the day off.

So I called off work to clean my house. I have groceries scheduled for pick up. My goal is to spend today knocking all this out, so i can have a real weekend to actually relax and sleep. I just need a good reset. Thats all I want. A clean house, one real night of sleep, and just one day of being able to relax. I'm mentally worn out.

Has anyone else done this? How did it work out?

I just pulled off a full week vacation in which I went COMPLETELY offline, and I'm so happy and proud. I'm public sector so I know it's not QUITE as big a deal, but I'm newly management on a small capital design team and we manage construction and contracts on our properties which can get very intense. It's especially intense from spring-fall because it's exterior construction AND when we need to bid out future projects. I adore my job and team but needed a BREAK, and planned the trip to Disney that the kids (8&10) have asked for for years. Frankly it was my first trip too because I have zero memory of the times I was apparently there as a kid for a lot of reasons.

Even being public sector, my team is very small and people tend to stay lightly in touch when they take time off, which always makes me so sad. I considered taking my phone but realized that I didn't want to know fuckall about what was going on with my projects while doing Disney with my kids. So I didn't. Weeks before I left, I lined up backup coverage, got things in order, set my OOO, and GTFO for a straight 8 days. It was AMAZING.

I'm proud that I did it for myself and my family, and I'm proud that I did it to model the behavior as a manager. Construction does get dicey but at the end of the day, there is no body bleeding out on the table if I'm not personally there to save it!

In case anyone is in that period where you are stressed about putting your kid in daycare/preschool, I'd like to assuage your concerns by sharing some delightful little moments with my kiddo recently. These probably wouldn't have happened without her school, and I am always so thankful that she is in an environment where she is learning and being stimulated!

• At least once a day, she demands that we stop and she takes us through her "stretches" which are essentially just a toddler's attempt at yoga poses (they do these during circle time, before nap)
• She kept chanting "I'm not scared! I'm not scared!" and marching around the living room randomly, which cracked me up (apparently this is from when they acted out "I'm going on a bear hunt")
• One day she started reciting their "kindness pledge" they do everyday (I can share if you don't know what this is, but it's adorable and we now do it at least once a day at home)
• Her teachers recommended that we potty train, and then scheduled a sit down to walk us through different methods and approaches. We decided on an approach that worked for the school and for us, then she somehow day potty trained in under two weeks! (They are amazing for this, and I feel like maybe this is above and beyond? But anyways, worth every dollar of tuition!)
• She now has a best friend, who she talks about constantly (I learned this initially by asking "Is mommy your best friend?" and she said "No, it's [redacted]" 💀 )
• She is learning so much and always telling me about the lessons they did that day, or demonstrating her new skills like counting and singing. She also now puts her dishes away by herself, which I definitely did not teach her to do yet (they are the best)

A bit sappy but I hope anyone struggling with this can use this as an example of what is possible! She's been in daycare/school for nearly two years now and it is truly amazing.

Baby is doing alright for now. He has RSV and they’re monitoring his breathing. He had to go on oxygen while we were in the ER but he’s been off oxygen for the past day. They don’t know if he’s on the upswing or downswing.

I’m supposed to lead a significant work event next week that cannot be rescheduled. I don’t know if I’ll be back at work. I don’t know how long baby will take to improve. I can hand off the work event, but I need to make the call by Monday morning. Today is ??? Friday?? I think? Even once Baby gets out of the hospital, he won’t be able to go to daycare right away.

I feel awful. I was looking forward to being good at my job. It’s a genuinely exciting thing to do. Since it’s long hours I was going to get a hotel near the office (otherwise up to 1.5 hrs commute) and I was going to get a BREAK. I was going to be just me, not Mommy. Well, me plus pumping still lol.

We have an almost 3yo and a 6month baby. I’ve been struggling. The night before we went to the hospital, I screamed in our baby’s face because he wouldn’t stop crying in the middle of the night. The next morning we took him to the pediatrician for a checkup. We thought it was just a cold. Instead we were sent to the hospital via ambulance. Now I’m sitting here watching his blood oxygen levels. Did you know they use a diaper to cover the IV port for a baby so they can’t pull it out?

I know he’s going to be okay, but I also can’t leave him. My husband stayed with him last night, and I was with older kid. Now I’m with the baby overnight.

It’s a lot scarier being in the hospital room. The last time I sat by a person’s hospital bed, they died.

Meanwhile my boss had to call me to remind me to update my timesheet, and to tell me to ask HR how to handle extended absences, since I used all my FMLA for maternity leave.

You can’t do it all.

I am absolutely drained every day after work. I am home by 5pm so I should have plenty of time to do things with my kids, dinner , bath etc. but I am barely able to function. I haphazardly put some food on the table , read a book or two to my kids and that is about it. How do you moms stay energized and present after work?

I came back last month after having my second child. It seriously feels like since I've been back, everyone is harder on me than when I left. Family doesn't help much, my friends don't try to see me, my work is being stricter with my time and product, even at the gym they are pushing me so hard even though I just had a BABY? Even the amount of road rage directed towards me has increased. Is it just me effing everything up, or does everyone suddenly hold us to a much higher standard than before?

Mother of 4 year old and 1 year old exhausted and burned out from my job getting a weekend away with my husband next week (Mexico, beach).
My wardrobe is a sad state of affairs since pp. I don’t have time to trawl in person or online stores but needs some new outfits and need them fast! Ideally some handy dresses for casual wear in day and nice for evening. Any recent pick ups that have become your go-tos??

As the title mentions, I am stressed between all of the appointments the baby has scheduled. I had 8 weeks of maternity leave and am now going to work with my 3 month old baby at home with my family who watches her. I am incredibly stressed with all of my baby’s specialist appointments for her slow weight gain.

Want to hear if anyone is going through anything similar or has any words of wisdom. I feel like I’m going to bed with panic attacks every day.

Hello, just wondering when everyone started slowing down at work. I have about 30 working days before my due date. However things just continue to get added on to my list. It’s just leading to some stress because I’m worried about not getting everything done. It does help that I am so exhausted, so I’m already slow on thinking and getting stuff done. When should I start saying No I can’t take on certain work?

I’m having a hard time processing what has been going on with me since becoming a mom. I have a 20 month old and another on the way in a few months. I have always been entirely career driven, high achieving, and my entire life purpose and passion used to be my job.

I still like my job. On paper, it is perfect for me and I’m great at it. I’m also well-compensated. I do work too much (50 ish hrs/week) and that is after I significantly cut back. I’m trying to find ways to cut back further but feeling stuck.

I spend so much of my days fantasizing about a career shift or becoming a SAHM. I’m always calculating my finances to see if I can pull it off (I know I can). I’m so miserable every day going to what was once my dream job/career. I am not partaking in any hobbies or self care. Every moment not working or with my kid is spent obsessing over my career future and whether or not I should quit my job.

Am I burnt out? Should I look for a change? Or is this identity crisis just something that all working moms go through? Does that make it ok? Will it pass?

Hello! I‘m a therapist with a 4 yo and 2 year old and have spend the last year and a half working to transition into private practice for more flexibility. My hours and income are so unpredictable and yet I’m still paying full time care for the 4yo and part time for the 2yo. I currently take insurance to remain accessible but have wondered if the extra administrative burden is worthwhile. I’m in relatively HCOL southeastern city. If you are also a therapist do you mind sharing what you have learned navigating the role alongside motherhood and what set up works best for you?

I started a director-level role in July that I'm really enjoying. Things are going very well and I've just been given the lead on a high-profile program that runs until the end of 2027. My manager has told me, in various ways, that they see me as a high-potential top performer.

Now here’s the catch: my partner and I want to start trying for a child soon. I'm 37 (will turn 38 in Spring) and we can’t wait much longer.

My main worry is potentially going on maternity leave before the program is done and how that will be perceived. I feel terrible about the idea of letting my new manager down after they've backed me so enthusiastically. She is a woman with (now grown) children so that hopefully bodes well for her understanding.

Has anyone been in a similar position? How did that turn out? Any experiences, especially from people who've managed this in similar roles, would be really helpful.

We recently moved to Connecticut, and I found out something mind blowing to me:

They have their own state FMLA laws.

12 weeks of job protection (same as federal). However, it takes effect AFTER 3 MONTHS and doesn't have exceptions for employer size.

You mean, I don't have to make sure I don't have a kid until after a year of a new job (and work for a big enough company) to be legally safe from bias? (Because seriously, why is FMLA eligibility longer than pregnancies?!) Not to mention other FMLA-qualifying events.

Are you kidding me?? This is an option?? Somehow I had only thought of this as a federal political fight.

I had heard of state paid leave, which is amazing, too. But state-level protected family leave I had never heard discussed. I've stayed at sucky jobs I hated to make sure I had protection and parental leave eligibility when waiting for adoption and waited to start fertility treatments after new jobs to make sure I would get protected leave if they worked.

We moved from a red state that touts being family focused while doing so little for parents or kids. I'm grateful we finally got to move but pissed this is something I didn't even think of or know was possible. I mourn for friends and family and mentees I left behind. They deserve better, too.

Like enough with waiting for federal to shape up. States could actually be making this happen everywhere.

I've been a super messy person my whole life. I'm the kind of person who will get distracted and put something down wherever I happen to be standing. I step over piles without really noticing them. It's gotten 10x worse with kids. I'm making this post because my husband blames me for the house being messy even though we both work.

I do 99% of the cooking, meal planning, and shopping. He will do dishes maybe once a week, but only the dishes, not other putting away food and things that I do when I clean up the kitchen. I think he resents that when I cook I make a huge mess in the kitchen. The other things that makes a huge mess is feeding the kids, which is also my job. I don't seem to be capable of feeding the kids (4 and 1) without tons of containers and dishes appearing on the counter and food all over the floor. So yeah I am causing the kitchen mess because I'm in charge of the food, but I also feel like that is a full time job..

We have a house cleaner that does bathrooms and floors. Laundry is maybe 70:30. When he does laundry, he puts it in the washer, and then I have to manage drying and folding and putting away. Folding and putting away is the hard part!

He gets really annoyed about the clutter everywhere. It's constant and really bad. I'm not good at throwing things away. He gets mad at me because I will let the kids make a mess with their toys on the floor. There's already toys everywhere and I'm too tired to care.

I manage all the mental load stuff like making appointments, school paperwork, home inventory. He does house repairs and yard work.

I'm just annoyed about his attitude. I wish if he cares so much he works just clean more. I always planned to have a successful career, which I do. But some part of me thought that would exempt me from also doing the majority of housework.

Anyone else have that Michelle Wolf comedy special playing in their head on repeat about how “women can have it all”?

I don’t want to have it all.

I work full time, plus a part time 1099 consulting gig, all WFH. My husband also works full time, but he travels 60-80% (and recently 100%) of the time for work.

We both work demanding jobs and make roughly equal. I make ~double his base salary, but he makes up the difference in commission. And yet it’s all on me. I schedule and take our daughter to her drs appointments, I manage every single household vendor from pest control to landscaper, and I do everything in the house for the often back-to-back weeks he is traveling; dishes, daycare drop off/pick up, midnight wakes, and more. And I breastfeed/pump which is just a whole other beast.

I’m so tired.

Today he told me that I could delegate tasks to him while he’s on the road, like calling the pest control company (he heard me on the phone with them this morning). You all know the talk. All I had to do was tell him what to do and he’d be happy to do it - how was he supposed to know otherwise that it needed to get done? It’s not like he’s on the joint email where all our invoices come from the pest control company, or that he hasn’t also heard the sounds of rodents in our walls. And obviously it would then be my responsibility to follow up at least weekly for the next few weeks until he finally got it done, and ultimately spend more time and energy trying to get him to do it than if I had just done it in the first place.

So then cue the “Well if you don’t give me the opportunity to help I can never prove to you that I can do it.”

Dude.

I had receipts. I sent him every instance of me asking him to do something when he’d dropped the ball this year. They were all pretty big, showed me doing multiple follow ups, and nothing happening. And those are just the ones that made it into our text chain. The most egregious of which was when I asked him to switch our home insurance company (long story) and he didn’t do it. I had to follow up for weeks, after explicitly stating that I was feeling overwhelmed and would really appreciate him taking it off my plate, and then he finally did it the day our insurance lapsed. And the way it works means that we didn’t have coverage for that day which was a PITA to deal with.

Today I finally told him I was done giving him opportunities to “prove himself”, to which I was told that’s a huge red flag for him. My freaking red flag should have been the 1,001 times before this I’ve asked him for help and then that ended up being more work than just doing it myself. I don’t have the energy or the will power to project manage him right now. Maybe in like three years.

The owner/director self reported a teacher for inappropriate touching. This was not a teacher either of my kids had but apparently they were a floater. It was noted that anyone involved would have already been contacted and/or received a letter. We did not get anything. I contacted CPS directly to confirm if my children were included in the report. They said no they did not have my children's names but they took our info in case the investigated revealed anything. CPS directly had all good things to say about how the owner and other teachers at the center are handling this. They said usually daycares try to hide things like this and not report. But they are all being cooperative and that says alot. My husband thinks it okay to send my child back to his teachers even while the investigation is still pending and does not want to switch. WWYD?

Hello mums, hoping you can help a soon-to-be dad out with some gift ideas for my partner, she finishes up her last day of work before maternity leave and I was wondering what sort of gifts you have received (If any) that she’d appreciate for her last day!

Would like to not focus on the baby at all, as we have tons for them! Ideally looking at things you have personally liked receiving - I know nice pyjamas seem to be a good choice, etc.

Any recommendations would be great. Already getting a hamper of like her favourite snacks, some comfy housing about clothes (jammies, house coat, slippers).

Let me be first to say that this is mainly all my feelings and needing third party moms/parents to weigh in, and nothing impacts the 4 year old yet. long post ahead about kids leaving kids out. The question is, what would you do?
My 4 year old has been invited to a roller blading party by Bestie A. He and bestie A, B, and C have played together since babyhood, and he’s the youngest of them by a year. Bestie A and C learned to roller blade early, Bestie B has started to learn it this year, and so my 4 year old will be the only one who doesn’t know how. As a parent I didn’t know why tf we are all roller blading now but here we are.

Here is where I am struggling- as they have continued to grow, besties A and B and C have started to leave my 4 year old out of things. 1:1 with each of them, it’s fine, but altogether? it turns into A B and C playing together to leave my 4 year old out. Mind you, my 4 year old can be quite hard to get along with as a super sour patch kid, but he loves them and so I continue in hopes that he learns how to socialize. now he’s going to go to a birthday party where he REALLY will be the odd one out by not knowing how to roller blade.

My 4 year old loves his friends, but he’s not the most friendly kid to be around, but we are trying. he’s going to be really upset that he doesn’t know how to roller blade. We’ll be with him stumbling together. But how do you guys navigate this?

I'm expecting my first baby in March and trying to figure out my work situation before and after maternity leave. I'd love advice from moms who've been through this!

I'm an occupational therapist working at two clinics, and I also have a small OT business I'd like to keep growing.

Option 1: Clinic A *currently work 2 days here

• Overall feel much calmer and less stressed working here.
• They've offered me a salaried position at 30 hours/week, with a consistent paycheck after I come back
  • Currently pay is hourly regardless of cancellations
• They currently contribute significantly to retriment 10+% toward retirement regardless of whether I contribute, although that policy could change - although currently since I'm part time I don't have access to this
• I'd likely need more childcare working 30 hours.

Option 2: Clinic B *Current 2 days here

• Higher pay per session, but cancellations affect my income.
• The administrative side has been stressful and disorganized.
• I could do virtual sessions if I wanted, offering more flexibility.

Side Option: Focus more on my own business
I've been slowly building a small nature based business that I'd love to keep growing, but I'm unsure how much I want to pursue it long-term. It would take time and energy to build, and I still need reliable income.

My husband and I are considering staggering our schedules (he works 7 a.m.–3 p.m. and I work 2:30–6:30 p.m.) to minimize childcare costs. I'm considering taking about four months off and returning in June, but I'm not sure what the best balance looks like.

I'm struggling to weigh financial stability, childcare costs, stress, time with my baby, and maintaining my own professional identity. R

I'd especially love to hear:

• How far along in pregnancy did you work, and when did you stop before giving birth?
• How old was your baby when you returned to work, and how did you decide when you were ready?
• Did paying for more childcare to work more hours make financial sense?
• Did you prioritize a lower-stress job over higher pay or flexibility?
• If you have your own business, how realistic was it to grow while raising a baby?

This is our first, so I know I can't fully anticipate what life will look like. I'd really appreciate hearing what worked for you, what you wish you'd done differently, and any advice you'd give your first-time-mom self! THANKS!

He’s my fiancé, but regardless. He works full time and so do I. We have two kids, 6 & 2 yrs old. He is Monday through Friday, gets home by 3:30 with the kids, and I do 4 10 hour days Wednesday- Saturday.

He truly thinks that he doesn’t need to do anything around the house. It was his idea to get not one, but TWO cats and I buy the food, change the litter, clean the food and water dishes. Do all our dishes. He leaves food out and wrappers everywhere. If the kids make a mess of their food or toys, he just leaves it- so I come home to a disgusting cluttered home. He doesn’t do laundry, sometimes he will but only his clothes and then he takes them and dumps them once clean all over our bedroom floor. I used to fold and hang them up for him then put them away, but it’s time consuming and I have mine and the kids clothes to worry about. I hate how it just takes up literally our entire bedroom floor though.

He leaves his food in a Tupperware for months.. I refuse to open them it’s so gross to me, so I’ve just thrown some of it away after asking him multiple times to throw it in the trash and wash it out himself. Is it that hard?

One of the cats sprays all over the place because he never had him fixed. I had to finally set the appt and pay for it (again, his idea to have the cats) so I’m constantly having to track down where the spray is and clean that which has been killing my mental health. He sprayed my comforter the other night and I’ve asked him to go wash it because he hasn’t even had to go to work the last few days and he hasn’t. So I’ve been sleeping with some small shitty blanket.

What else… he trims his beard over the sink or above the floor looking into the mirror and leaves the hair everywhere. It’s just disgraceful. He sees me come home, have to make dinner, give the kids a bath and he’s either in the room watching baseball or working on his puzzles, in a whole other world. I’ve said can’t you help? Wait until the kids go to bed? He says I must hate being a mom. No, I love it so much but why am I doing it alone?

Even in the morning, I have to get myself, the kids up and dressed so I can go to work and bring them to school & daycare, he just sits on his phone or at the table watching.

The days I work I’m home at 6:30pm and it’s straight to bedtime routine and dinner and I am very overwhelmed. I have to do all this myself. I’m also a full time college student thankfully it’s all online. But yeah I’m just drowning and he doesn’t care.

He even has the nerve to say I don’t do anything if he thinks I skipped out on something. Has anyone else dealt with this? Why does he think he’s the only one that can do nothing? WE BOTH HAVE JOBS! he says he’s tired after work… ME TOO

I try my best to not show my 5 & 4 year old that deep down, I am fighting for my life. I go to work everyday to “try” to provide for them & get us out of this mess that their father put us in. We finally should be out of this Women’s shelter tomorrow & I should be happy but the feeling of not failing them is always in the back of my head.

We have started completely over except the 4 bags we brought with us. My 5 year old has been adjusting to his new school for a couple of weeks now and everything has been going okay for the most part. One of his classmates mom gave me an invitation after school yesterday for her son’s birthday party Saturday. It’s at a trampoline park . He was so excited to tell me about it & that’s all his friends were talking about it. Leave it to me to let him know that we most likely won’t be able to go because I simply can’t afford it. I’m barely keeping my head above water. We are visiting food pantries almost daily, what little money I make has gone into this apartment, I’ve been wearing the same tennis shoes from the Goodwill for the past few weeks because I can’t purchase a decent pair. I HATE disappointing my kids. They deserve the world, especially with what they have gone through.

We have court next week & I have to see their father’s face… he filed a motion for a custody agreement but I doubt that will be granted after we show the judge the police documents & hospital bill where he broke my nose. I’m trying to survive. I want to make sure my babies know that we will be okay soon. It’s just rough right now.

I’m starting work at 3.5 months and I’m pissed. Maybe it’s hormones? My job is flexible, decent and I love my boss, and yet still I’m pissed I have to start working so soon. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom but I’d like to stay with him until he’s at least six months? I came back to an email from HR asking me to confirm I started work, and if not they’d take my benefits away. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Projects I left evolved into things I don’t recognize and have already got defensive emails back when I politely asked how things changed course while I was gone. Others just got neglected by people that were supposed to take them over. I just want to go cry in a cave and go hang with my baby.