(3rd time posting because I kept messing up the title, my bad)
Apologies for the Yapping, wasn't sure where else to go lol
I've been singing since I was 10 years old (literally half of my life) in school choirs and such and I've always loved it, but this year it's felt like my technique has just disappeared ... or my voice has? I'm not sure. I'm autistic and I really struggle to identify what I'm feeling in my body, so when I go to my singing teacher it's hard for her to know what to tell me because I don't know what's wrong, just that something is wrong.
My voice gets weird sensations that seem to change every time I try to define them - usually minor aches or burning feelings in my throat. I have crazy acid reflux because I can't burp and I've been taking stuff for it before I sing. It helps but I'm pretty sure that's not my only problem.
My singing teacher figured out I have tongue tension so I've been trying to get better with that, and I also think it's super likely I have jaw tension and probably every other tension that exists. I also worry my breath support sucks even though it wasn't always this bad. Also weird thing that's been happening when I swallow over the past couple days - kind of feels like there's something else in my larynx area? Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not, and it's really difficult to describe.
I've been trying so hard to get better but it feels like I overthink myself into worse habits, but if I don't then nothing changes. My directors keep telling my choirs things like "chill out" "relax" and I know I need to, I am an anxious wreck, but I also don't know how to improve when I'm not actively thinking about my technique. Singing isn't fun anymore because I'm so anxious and miserable and I miss when it was fun. I genuinely don't know what to do from here. I've gone to my singing teacher and there's not much she can tell me other than "that's weird, can you be more specific?" and I fucking can't. There's only one vocal health physician person in my area who everyone recommended me to and she's on maternity leave. If I try to figure it out myself, I just get confused and spiral until I'm sobbing on the floor and it makes me have a negative association with singing, which means I practice less, which means I obviously get worse.
Not really sure if advice is what I'm after, because I don't expect anyone to have a magic solution to my problems. I know I'm going to have to work to improve, and it's not gonna just happen overnight. I just really have no idea what to do, and I feel like I can't keep doing what I'm doing now. I hate that no one else can help me because I'm not able to properly verbalise what I'm feeling, emotionally or physically. If I'm asked why I'm upset, I don't even know what to say, because it feels like everything's wrong in my brain and with my vocal folds :(
Thanks if you read this far lol all comments appreciated <3