r/saplings • u/DragonfireReads • 20h ago
DISCUSSION Greened out and had the most horrifying experience of my life, what the actual fuck? NSFW
(THC-A & D9)
Okay listen, I like greening out on THC. Like, that is something I enjoy doing. (I dissociate a lot and greening out is oddly grounding to me, I really don't know how to explain it.) I do it on purpose sometimes. I know I won't die from overdoing it, and at this point in time I find it therapeutic for my mental health.
Last night was not something I've ever experienced with greening out, and I have been consistently doing it on purpose for more than 6 years straight. This post will give a full and honest product review, but tldr: the gummy itself was good and if I had taken less, it would have been very enjoyable. Based on what I experienced, I would recommend taking 1/8th of a gunmy if you are a heavyweight edible veteran.
I have been hurting for actual weed lately so I spent $7 on a "legal" edible from a local smoke shop that I know and trust. I've used their products hundreds of times and the staff know me by name. I bought a new brand of edible because they didn't have my usual.
("Elegant Cannabis" brand, "Blue Raspberry" flavor, "600mg bite".) I took this edible home and read the packaging. According to the package, it is a THC-A and D9 blend, with less than 0.3% of it being D9 by dry weight. There is ZERO INFORMATION on the website about how many mg exactly is THC-A but I assume it is mostly THC-A. (Because HOLY FUCKING SHIT.)
I took HALF of the gummy. (300mg.) No acid reflux, no stomach ache afterwards. It tasted good, and left no aftertaste. It did not taste like the THC-A was sprayed onto the gummy, and overall was a high-quality gummy product. It started kicking in after 20 minutes despite me eating a full meal before consuming.
I took a 300mg dose because I have a really high edible tolerance built up, and routinely consume 250-500mg D9/THC-A edibles from the brand "double-stacked". I figured I'd green out, but nothing like this.
Side note: I've never had an actual panic attack while greening out before. In over 6 years of doing this, NEVER. That's almost definitely what happened last night though.
The come-up was smooth and for about 90 minutes I was really enjoying myself, just watching youtube and playing Minecraft. And then I started to feel my heart beating really hard and fast. At first, I ignored it. I've had racing heartbeats before and knew that worrying would make it worse, so I drank some water, turned Minecraft off, and laid down with the lights off to relax with some chill music. But it got much worse, to the point of it actually hurting from how hard my heart was beating in my chest. It physically hurt. (This was the point at which I realized I had fucked up with dosage and was about to have a rough night.)
I did some breathing exercises and reminded myself that it was from the edible, and that nobody actually dies from edibles. I reminded myself that no matter what, I was going to have to ride this out, so I should just accept what is happening and roll with it. So I got comfortable to wait it out.
At a certain point, the pain from my heart beating so hard began to turn into a burning sensation that lingered in my lungs, and it was physically painful to take deep breaths, so I closed my eyes and accepted that my body would continue breathing on its own (as it does) without me focusing on it.
And then it crossed my mind that if I was actually experiencing a medical emergency, no one would know. And that was the point at which I started to actually be anxious about dying. I started weighing the possibility of "what happens if I die tonight?" I have never experienced this fear before, and I think that I might have experienced complete ego death last night??
I tried, again, to remind myself that no one dies from THC overdose, and that I was not going to die. I asked myself what I needed to do to make sure I could accept my fate and relax without fear. I took it upon myself to put myself in recovery position in case I vomited, and unlocked my bedroom door (I currently live with family). That was really the only precautions I was able to take, so that was all I did.
After all that, I just laid there withmy thoughts and rode it out. It took six hours for me to come out of it, and I was completely fine. I didn't even vomit.
The experience itself isn't what scared me the most. That's just what happens when you overdo it and green out and have a panic attack. What scared me the most was that I completely accepted that I was about to die, and I did not fight back.
I was capable of texting someone. I was under the impression that I was in fact going to die, and that no amount of calling for help would save me. (I live in the middle of nowhere, it would take 40 minutes for an ambulance to arrive at my home.) I made a deliberate decision to NOT TEXT ANYONE. Not to say goodbye, not to tell them that I overdid it on drugs and thought I was going to die, nothing. I made peace with every single thing I regret in my life up to this point and was completely ready to move on to what happens after death.
I seriously asked myself if there was anything in my life I had not done yet that I still wanted to do, and the answer was no. There is nothing. I was willing to accept that there is nothing in my future that I would regret missing out on if I died right now.
That is what scares me. I think maybe there is something deeply wrong with my subconscious, and I should probably unpack that. I'm not even 24 years old yet and I was conpletely willing to give up my life and go without putting up a fight. In that moment, I was capable of accepting that I would never do anything ever again, and would be moving on. So uh...
10/10 product strength.
9/10 product taste and feel.
10/10 high when used properly.
0/10 personal experience, because now I think I need to speak with a mental health professional.
I can and will continue to green out on purpose, but I will be doing so in much lower doses. Always remember to dose lower than you think you need, folks.
.
Edit: TWs: Addiction, suicide.
Editors note: I am currently safe. I am reaching out to loved ones who I know will support me and help me through my current mental state despite feeling hopeless. If you ever feel hopeless, please reach out to someone, even if you reaching out is just a post on reddit talking with strangers. You are loved, and you are cared for.
I don't think I properly articulated why this experience scared me so much. It was just a panic attack and greening out. It was just a bad trip. It is incredibly difficult for me to explain, but I am going to try by giving some background.
I am an addict in recovery. My substance of obsession is considerably more dangerous and physically harmful than synthetic THC, and it can cause permanent brain damage. I'm still relatively early-on in my recovery and sudden cravings to pop pills are really intense. Of all the coping mechanism that I've used to deal with these cravings, the one that has helped me the most is getting high on something else. It curbs the cravings quickly.
Is it healthy for me to replace one addiction with a different substance? Absolutely not. Is it what's kept me from relapsing in the past? Yes it is. Therefore, it is MUCH LESS harmful, and I will continue to use this method as a last resort. (Exclusively as a last resort.)
I was extremely close to relapsing last night, and actually went out to buy DPH to get high on. I then made the decision to spend that money on synthetic THC instead. This is harm reduction and damage control. (Yes, I am in therapy. And yes, my therapist will be hearing about this, as usual.)
Like I said earlier, I based my dosage off of past experiences with similar synthetic edibles. I had no way of knowing (and no reason to suspect) that this specific brand would be so much stronger than my usual. I looked online too, and there were zero reviews about the strength of these things, so I assumed they weren't anything out of the ordinary.
I took a dosage that I thought I was prepared for, and I mentally prepared for that dosage. When that dosage far exceeded what I had prepared for with little to no warning (the onset was VERY fast, and well past my normal "peak" time) I was put into a dangerous headspace that I was not ready to be in, and that's what scared me.
I was not prepared to experience what would happen internally if I actually died. I was not prepared to ask myself existential questions like "Can I accept that I didn't achive the things I wanted to achive in life?" In my current life, I have passive suicidal ideation and very little will to live, and last night when I genuinely believed that I was going to die, I was excited to die.
It scares me that I attempted multiple times to "let go" and allow myself to die. It scares me that I attempted to stop fighting, and that I was actually frustrated/upset with the fact that I didn't die when I "let go". That is not a healthy or safe mindset to be in. And it especially scares me that I don't have any future goals or purpose that would drive me to keep living in the future.
I'm not in a good place in my current life. I'm struggling with severe physical disability, I recently left an abusive relationship and lost the life of a child, and I am an addict in recovery. I had to drop out of college and am unable to return to my degree. I burned a lot of bridges and I lost a lot of really good friends because of choices that I made. I don't currently have a purpose to live, I'm just taking things day-by-day. And it scares me that when I was given (what I genuinely thought) was an opportunity to die, I accepted it with NO ATTEMPT to save myself.
Some people in the comments have been saying that I did not experience ego death. I'm not gonna argue with them, I'm not an expert capable of diagnosing ego death. I can be wrong. But if it wasn't ego death, it was truly the death of my will to live. That is dangerous.
Again, I am currently reaching out to people who care about me and will support me. I am currently safe. It's just very jarring to have experienced that. I know it was just a bad trip, and it isn't the end of the world. Sorry for being so depressing.
