I [27F] have a boyfriend [31M] of 6 years. Today, I found a video on his cellphone that was taken yesterday morning. You can’t really see anything on the video, aside from the fact that it was taken in our bathroom, but you can clearly hear him grunting in the video. He’s clearly masturbating. But the video wasn’t for me… He did not send it to me and we don’t do that anymore since we’ve been almost living together for years now. What do I do…

TLDR: I [27F] found a video of my bf [31M] masturbating and it wasn’t for me

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months, and I’m struggling to understand whether his behaviour is something I should be concerned about.
He often hits and bites me during playful moments or when I annoy him. He spanks my thighs and ass extremely hard, sometimes leaving his entire handprint on my body. He also bites my thighs and ass hard enough to leave purple bruises that last for days. Sometimes, he twists my wrists and fingers really hard too. This isn’t during intimacy; it happens when we’re joking around or when I’ve pissed him off.
I’ve told him multiple times that it hurts, but he laughs it off and calls it his “love language.” He continues doing it despite knowing that it causes me pain. Once, I screamed because he genuinely hurt me, and instead of understanding that it was an involuntary reaction to pain, he got pissed off at me for shouting.
During arguments, he’s also pushed me lightly a couple of times, although nothing severe has happened. What worries me most is that I’m scared of how he might react if I firmly tell him to stop, because he gets angry even when I shout out of pain.
I love him, and that’s what makes this confusing. A lot of this happens when we’re joking around, so part of me wonders whether I’m overthinking it. But another part of me feels uncomfortable with how casually he dismisses my pain and how I’m becoming afraid of his reactions.
My questions are:
Is this normal playful behaviour that has gone too far, or am I normalising abuse?
Is calling it his “love language” just an excuse for behaviour he knows hurts me?
Has anyone experienced something similar in a relationship, and how did you handle it?
How do I approach this when I’m genuinely afraid of how he’ll react to me setting a boundary?

TLDR: My (22F) boyfriend (26M) hits, bites, and twists my limbs hard enough to leave bruises or cause pain, then laughs it off as his “love language.” He gets angry when I react to the pain, and I’m scared of his reaction if I firmly tell him to stop. I love him, but I’m questioning whether I’m normalising abusive behaviour. Also.. leaving him feels impossible to me. I feel so deeply attached to him that I just feel like I can't leave him no matter what. What should I do?

My girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) have been together for nearly five years. We recently moved in together two months ago, and before that, we rarely argued and got along amazingly well. Since moving in though, we've hit a really rough patch.

For the past two months, she has come home almost every evening completely exhausted, miserable and extremely snappy. Even little things can set her off, and the whole evening often ends up feeling tense. I work long days too, but I used to look forward to coming home. Now, I find myself dreading the evenings.

I've tried to make things easier for her by taking on the majority of the household chores, including cooking and washing up, so she can relax when she gets home. However, nothing seems to make much difference. I've suggested that she consider looking for another job if her current one is affecting her this much, but she shut the idea down because she genuinely loves her job.

Another thing that worries me is the physical distance between us. At the moment, she doesn't seem to want me near her at all. I can't even give her a hug or a simple cuddle without her pulling away or refusing. Yet, on weekends when we're both off work, we generally get along really well again.

I do try to give her plenty of space and understand that she needs time to decompress after work. I regularly visit my family so she can have the house to herself, but I honestly can't remember the last time I had any proper time to myself.

I seriously don't know how much longer I can cope if this is going to be the new normal. It's exhausting, and I feel like I'm trying so hard to make things comfortable for her, only to end up feeling like an emotional punching bag every weeknight.

I understand that she might be struggling with burnout and I genuinely want to support her if that's the case. At the same time, I can't help feeling that the situation is quite unfair on me and I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable for feeling that way.

I've spoken to her about all of this, and she said she's upset that she doesn't feel close to me at the moment either. She says she genuinely wants to feel close to me and doesn't want us to fall out, but she's just never in the mood for affection or physical closeness anymore. And she mentioned that she used to be like this after work in the past, which, to be honest, hasn't filled me with much confidence.

Could it be burnout, or a sign we aren't compatible living together?

TLDR: My girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) moved in together two months ago, and since then, our relationship has changed significantly. She's exhausted and irritable after work every evening, and there's very little physical affection anymore, although we still get along well on weekends. I've spoken to her about it, and she says she wants to feel close to me but is never in the mood and doesn't want us to fall out. She also mentioned that she's been like this after work in the past, which worries me that things might not change.

Sorry for the bad writing but this just happened and my emotions are kind of all over the place. Today I [19f] brought up the idea of not having kids because of my fear of giving birth and what can happen during pregnancy. After i asked him [18M] what he thought about adoption he told me he didn't want to adopt because he wants the kid to be his and something about his bloodline ( which i think is kind of silly but doesn't matter). To sum it up, to him me not having/wanting kids is a dealbreaker, but i still want and see a future with him. How can I warm up to the idea of becoming a mother/just giving birth itself or is it not the right way to go. (btw we don't plan on having kids now this comes way later)

tldr: my boyfriend wants kids I'm not so sure now is it right to try and compromise or do something else

TLDR**:** My boyfriend and I have made serious plans for marriage and a future together, and I’ve made major life decisions based on his commitments, including staying in Canada and moving cities to live closer to him. However, he repeatedly backs away from our plans because of pressure from his disapproving family. I’ve sacrificed a lot, and now my immigration and career situation are uncertain. When I explained the consequences today, he told me my immigration problems weren’t his responsibility, despite previously encouraging me to stay and reassuring me we’d figure things out together. I love him, but I’m exhausted by the broken promises and uncertainty. Should I give him time to work through his fears, or walk away?

The biggest issue has been his family. They strongly disapprove of our relationship, and the pressure they’ve put on him has become overwhelming. There have been serious family conflicts, privacy concerns, and situations that have made me feel unsafe and unwelcome. He feels caught between his family and me.

He has repeatedly told me he loves me, wants me, and wants the future we’ve discussed. He even met my mother and told her that he wanted to marry me. I trusted those commitments and believed we were making decisions together as a couple. But when it comes time to follow through, he repeatedly backs away.

I have to admit that several of my friends have warned me that he isn’t good for me and that he may never be the right person for me. I didn’t listen because I loved him, believed in his promises, and wanted to give our relationship a real chance, even when there were red flags. Looking back, one of the biggest patterns has been that he makes commitments to me and then doesn’t follow through.

I moved cities to be closer to his workplace because we planned to move in together. I followed through on that decision because I believed we were building a life together.

His parents have also made deeply hurtful accusations about my character, despite the fact that I have never even met them and they don’t actually know me. I felt especially hurt that he didn’t take a firm stand for me when they were character-assassinating me. I understand that standing up to family can be difficult, but I expected him to defend me and establish boundaries when people were making unfair judgments about someone he claims to love.

Recently, he reassured me that he would come back to our home and that he wanted us to work through everything. But when it came time to follow through, he panicked and started saying he didn’t know if he could do it anymore. He has told me that he thought he could stand up to his family, but now he isn’t sure he’s strong enough to deal with the consequences. He worries that the pressure will continue and eventually destroy our relationship anyway. He says he loves me and wants our future, but he keeps going back and forth about whether he can actually commit to it.

Yesterday, we had a very emotional conversation. He acknowledged that he’s hurt me repeatedly and apologized, but he still couldn’t give me a clear answer about our future. He says the outside pressure is affecting him badly, and he’s also dealing with stress about his career.

What happened today is what really broke something in me.
I tried to explain the consequences I’m facing if this relationship falls apart. I haven’t been able to work, my immigration situation is uncertain, and if we don’t move forward with the future we planned, I may have to return to my home country and start over.

I told him that I could have returned to my home country last year, gained another year of professional experience, and potentially come back to Canada by now in a much better position. Instead, I stayed because we were making decisions together. He had encouraged me to stay, told me it was better not to leave, and reassured me that we would figure things out together. I trusted him. I wanted us to make decisions as a unit rather than make major life choices independently of each other.

I also changed cities and made other decisions based on our plans to live together. I don’t regret making decisions out of love, but I am now facing the consequences of trusting commitments that he may not be willing to honor.

When I tried to explain this today, he told me that my immigration problems weren’t his problems and that nobody had forced me to stay in Canada. That was incredibly painful to hear because I wasn’t making these decisions in isolation. We had discussed our future, and he had actively encouraged me to stay and told me we’d figure things out.

I understand that my immigration status is ultimately my responsibility. I’m not saying he is legally responsible for it. What hurts is that we made these decisions together while planning a life together, and now that things have become difficult, he is treating the consequences as though they have nothing to do with him.

Meanwhile, he can remain in Canada and continue building his life, while I may have to leave and rebuild mine. I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much based on the future we discussed, and now I’m the one left facing the practical consequences of that future potentially disappearing.

I know he loves me, or at least I believe that he does. I also know he’s under enormous pressure. I don’t want to dismiss his struggles or pretend that standing up to family is easy. But I’m starting to wonder whether love is enough when someone repeatedly backs away whenever the relationship becomes difficult.

I’m exhausted from trying to reassure him, convince him that we can get through this, and ask him to choose the future we planned together. I don’t want to spend my marriage worrying that whenever his family applies pressure, he’ll reconsider whether he wants to be with me.

At the same time, walking away would mean losing someone I love deeply, the future I imagined, and potentially my life in Canada as I know it. I’m 29, and the thought of having to start over is terrifying. I really do love him and wanted him to be my husband.

So I want to ask people who have experienced something similar:

1. Can someone genuinely love you but still never be able to stand up to their family for the relationship?
2. Is this something a couple can realistically work through, or am I setting myself up for years of instability?
3. Should I give him time to work through his fears, or should I judge the relationship based on his actions so far?

TLDR: Asked my boyfriend to give me more verbal affirmation. Instead I hear him compliment our coworkers, making me feel uncomfortable and like there might be an inappropriate relationship starting between them. Looking for outside perspective.

I [30F] recently had a discussion with my partner [35M] about needing more compliments and verbal affirmations from him. We've been together for nearly 2 years, and he doesnt really compliment me or acknowledge how I look that often, usually unless I ask.

He does show me how much he loves me in so many other ways, our relationship is pretty solid. We are both also healing from past toxic relationships, he has been in therapy for many years, so communication is actively being worked on and overall we do talk things out really well. So, I try not to take it hard when he doesn't compliment me, considering he shows me and tells me he loves me and is dedicated to me every day.

But, lately, I've noticed he compliments our female coworker more often than me (we met at work and work together closely). He complimented her earrings, and he's never commented on my jewelry. Then, the other day, right after we clocked in and I walked away from him and turned a corner, I heard him say to her, "Woah what're you doing tonight? Got some jean action going on today?" and I dont know if it's just how he said it or... but idk it feels very... suggestive? Flirty? I'm not sure why he felt the need to say it or say it in that way. I also see them talk very often, and she will playfully touch him on the arm while she laughs, and he will touch her on the arm back.

I feel insecure and crazy for being uncomfortable and even typing this post out, but at the same time I know I would never act the same way.

To be clear, I have no problem with complimenting others in general, as he compliments men as well, and I compliment people too. I actually love how generous and uplifting he is to everyone his friends and everyone around him. But I wish he'd lift me up more than them, and in front of our coworkers. It feels weird to be next to him when he compliments these women, but they never see him compliment me... but maybe I only feel that way bc he doesnt compliment me in general?

Either way, I plan to have another conversation with him. I just want to see if anyone can relate to my experience and talked to their partner about their feelings, and how that talk went.

Thanks for reading.

Me and my girlfriend (both 25f) have been together for nearly 2 years. We’ve had several conversations about sharing the goal of wanting to make more likeminded friends in our mid 20’s. This is something I want to explore and I want to give her the freedom to explore as well. 

A couple of months ago she mentioned she was hanging with a grad school friend. When I asked who she said a girl in her class she got along with so she DMed her to hangout. My girlfriend carries a polaroid camera around with her and they took pics of each other that the classmate posted on instagram and my girlfriend reposted. I’m not going to say it didn’t irk me especially because she’s not a big poster, but I was happy she’d found a friend in her profession after expressing difficulty doing so and never mentioned it. They’ve hung out a few times since and my girlfriend informed me while we were making Halloween weekend plans that the classmate asked if she and a friend of hers could do something with my girlfriend on Saturday. She also told me the classmate will be sleeping over at hers that night.

After the sleepover was mentioned I was inexplicably bothered and I could see myself getting snappy in my messages to her. I have zero reason to be jealous-she hasn’t hit anything from me and I’m included in both the Saturday night outing and the sleepover if I want to attend. Yet I’m still so bothered and I hate that my insecurities end up making me feel irritated and change the way I speak to her. I know the simple answer is to communicate but I’m worried if I express this I will make her feel like I’m controlling and limiting her ability to make new friends. How do I deal with this or address the situation? 

TLDR: My girlfriend has been very transparent about a new friend she's spending time with and its bothering me when logically I know it shouldn't

TLDR: My partner and I have a had a happy relationship but now we are struggling with conflict. Most of the time she ignores my boundaries and calls them unfair. I am seeking advice on how to validate her while sticking to my boundaries.

Note: we were u-haul lesbians. We got engaged after one year. We have been together for two.

My fiancé (24F) and I (22F) have historically been great at communicating and generally have a happy relationship. Our parents, friends, etc have often praised us for being inventive about coming up with new strategies and methods to repair after conflict. However, over the last year or so, our communication has broken down tremendously.

I am much more internal than her. I need lots of time to process and consider my feelings. She is the opposite and wants to deal with her emotions immediately. This has caused a lot of tension in our relationship. I try to set boundaries and tell her when I need time for myself to think. Specifically, I have made it really clear that I do not feel comfortable talking about conflict on the way to an event or when one or both of us is intoxicated.

Regardless of this boundary, she has continued to bring things up or push conflict during these scenarios. Every time I repeat the boundary and she apologizes. But, most of the time she pushes the issue again or says it is not fair that I have set the boundary.

Last night things came to head because I wanted space and she wanted closeness during a conflict. I felt like some of her comments were hurtful or projected. Although her feelings are valid, I asked for space to let things cool down. She pushed and pushed and said that was unfair.

I put my headphones and cleaned. She came back and tried to talk to me because she was ready to talk. I went to shower. She happened to need to pee. She said she was going to sleep at 8pm. I grabbed my charger from the bedroom so I wouldn't bother her. She proceeded to bring up the conflict while she was in bed. I offered to hold her but not talk about the conflict. She accepted. But while I held her she kept bringing things up until she was in tears. She literally stomped her foot while I was holding her and said it was unfair that I wouldn't talk when she needed me to.

I want to be there for her. I want her to know that I love her and that her feelings are valid. But I do not want to be a doormat or be expected to talk when I do not feel I am able. How do I reinforce my boundaries while letting her know I am here for her?

I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, and he recently changed behavior. Ever since I started residency he’s been mentioning how “it must be nice” to be in medicine and how I’m “the real alpha” in the house because I will be making more money down the line.

I’m exhausted, I don’t come from any money, I’m in student loan debt. He argues back he has the same amount of student debt and won’t be able to pay it off or provide for me.

He’s debating on applying to medical school because it’s something he’s always wanted to do. He was accepted into dental school last year but turned it down because he felt like he would be settling.

What the hell do I do to manage this? Is this even sustainable? I’m exhausted everyday from my crazy schedule now and it’s just comments I don’t need. I had helped him pay for dental applications and a lot of other life things. Life is hard and he deserves to be where he wants but damn I’m exhausted.

TLDR; my boyfriends ego is ruining our relationship, trying to work through if it’s temporary or if it actually won’t work.

EDIT: thank you everyone for commenting. I plan to have a sit down conversation with him in the coming days. I really love this guy, for the switch up to happen at this point in my life sucks. We’ll see how it goes.

So my bf and I are both in college and have been dating long-distance for 2 years. We see each other around every 3 months.
Firstly, he gets very uncomfortable with me having guy friends (even if they are gay). I have a few guy friends who are gay, and he doesn’t directly say I can’t be friends with them, but when I hang out with him he’s dry. He says he’s uncomfortable with it to an extent because he’s not a “cuck”.
Secondly, I haven’t had many friends all of my life, but I’ve finally made friends with people at my work (girls and guys). They asked me if I wanted to go to the bar with them on Halloween since I just turned 21. I asked my bf about it, and he said no, he’d be uncomfortable with it (with me going to bars in general). I was kind of looking forward to it because I’ve never been invited to anything on Halloween before. I’ve also never been to a party or anything like that just out of my own choice. But I feel as if the bar is a little different?
I feel dumb for getting upset over it because it’s just stuff that makes him uncomfortable, whether I agree with it or not, I shouldn’t do anything that makes him feel bad. But my grandma says that he’s being controlling. I’m not sure what to do about this situation. At the end of the day I don’t want to cause issues for us.
TLDR; bf is uncomfortable with me having guy friends and also doesn’t want me going to bars or places that involve alcohol in that sense, are these just boundaries that I should respect or is he being controlling? I feel guilty for being upset over it

The last time I used a throwaway account was for posting on reddit and a lot of wonderful people helped me gain some clarity. Hoping the same thing happens again!

I [F28] have been with my boyfriend [M31] for almost three years now. This is an intercultural relationship. I moved here and met him a year later. He was born in this country and has lived here all his life so naturally, as part of getting used to living here, I have familiarized myself with the culture and language here, and I would do so even if he wasn't in the picture. But I feel like he hasn't put any effort into getting to know my culture at all. This was fine for the first couple of years, but had started to bother me recently, especially when I see other inter-cultural couples who have been dating for shorter than we have, but the foreign partner already knows so much more than mine does. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but I see it too often to ignore. I have communicated this multiple times and have only seen one effort, which was him trying (and failing) to make a dish from my culture. I actually appreciated the effort.

He is overall a great person and a very accompanying partner with a healthy lifestyle, and we have fun together, but I have been thinking about our relationship when we're not together and there are some instances and feelings that I just can't ignore. I can't help but feel that I'm just a milestone on his "life checklist", as in you graduate high school, go to uni, get a job, get a girlfriend, and that he's never taken the time to know me. This might sound a bit silly but I don't feel like he's curious enough about me. In addition to the culture issue, I have a private substack account that I've been writing in for years which he knows about, but has not once asked to read it. I have many more instances of similar nonchalant behaviors. What triggered writing this post is another post I saw on reddit of a woman saying she didn't get pictures of her with her newborn at the hospital because her boyfriend didn't even think about it, and for a second I thought that was going to be my future and I'm gonna end up heartbroken at different stages of life and carry this emotional weight with me.

I don't see myself having the energy to date again. I can't imagine myself asking for someone's favorite color all over again. I want a family in the future and I keep feeling like time is running out.

So I guess my questions and what I need advice on are:

1. Am I being immature and are my expectations too high?
2. Is it too late for me? 

TLDR: Boyfriend is nonchalant. Am I being insane?

I [20F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been together for a year and 2 months. Until recently everything has always been pretty much perfect apart from the odd little thing which is normal.

But sometimes now I start I feel like I value him so much more than he values me and I want to talk to him about it but he always gets so defensive every time I try.

It’s only little things like we live 5 minutes from each yet makes it seem like such an inconvenience to take me home sometimes. On this occasion it was because he had work early in the morning but it’s only 5 minutes away?

Or if I am upset he thinks it will cheer me up to make fun of me. Like saying I have bad breath.

He doesn’t compliment me often which gets me down and when I mention that he says neither do I but I know I do a lot. I always do cuz I don’t ever want him to feel bad about himself for a second. Like if I have spent ages getting ready to look good for him and he won’t even say anything about it.

He sometimes points out flaws of mine infront of others even tho they are close friends I just feel like why? Or just is always making little comments to put me down or laugh at my expense.

This makes him sound really bad an I promise he is not he is very amazing in other ways.
I feel like I would walk heaven and earth for him and I don’t feel he would for me.

TLDR I just need advice on how to tell him I feel undervalued.

TLDR- My partner wants me to use my back injury settlement to open a clothing/consignment shop. I'm not really cool funneling money down a metaphysical drain of doom, and because of that I'm an asshole.

I'm 27F, and I've been with my partner, 30M, for six years. We currently work at the same vape store/head shop in Pennsylvania. With the laws surrounding vapes and hemp products changing, there's a good chance we could both be out of work after December. We've been trying to figure out what we're going to do afterward.

Throughout our relationship, I've been the primary breadwinner. My partner has always hated working for someone else and has wanted to own his own business. For the past six years, he's talked about opening some kind of clothing and consignment shop in our local area.

I'm not against the idea of owning a business, but I have concerns. There are already three places in our area that sell clothing, and I'm not convinced there's enough demand for another one. He's also talked about using a laser engraver and 3D printer to make products, but even something as simple as printing an item can take hours.

Here's where the problem comes in: I'm expected to use the money I have left from my settlement after a back injury to help fund this business. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't know how to run a clothing or consignment shop, and I don't want to risk the little bit of savings I have left on something that might fail.

Whenever I try to voice my concerns, I'm told I'm being negative and unsupportive. The conversation eventually turns into him saying he'll just do everything himself without my help and screaming at me to GTFO. Now I'm left feeling like I'm a terrible partner simply because I'm not willing to blindly agree to an idea that could put us in a worse financial position.

I've never had a problem working for someone else. Sure, I've had jobs where I wasn't treated like a human, but I've always believed that sometimes you have to do what you need to do to keep a roof over your head and pay your bills. My partner sees things differently. He would genuinely rather risk going back to homelessness or living with his parents than continue working for someone else.

I understand wanting independence and wanting to build something of your own. I really do. But I also think there's a difference between taking a calculated risk and shooting a hole into your boat on an 8 hour fishing trip.

What makes this even harder is that we can't seem to have a productive conversation about it. Every time I try to discuss the risks or suggest that we think things through more carefully, he gets upset and accuses me of being negative. I don't feel heard, and I'm starting to feel like I'm being forced to choose between protecting my financial future and proving that I support my partner.

I love him, but I don't think supporting someone means agreeing with every decision they want to make, especially when that decision involves my money.

Would you feel comfortable putting nearly all your remaining savings into a business you don't know how to run or am I being unreasonable for wanting to protect my financial stability (or the little that I have of it).

Any honest advice is appreciated, even if it's just that this whole situation sucks. Thanks.

Me \[24F\] and my partner \[29M\] have been together 4 years but don't live together yet. We want to buy a house together soon.
I'm making good progress in my career and I'm very driven. I have goals and plans I want to achieve in my career and life. My partner is nearly finished his exams to become a solicitor, but he's hit a block. His heart isn't in it and he's considering a career change.
I'm struggling with what feels like a lack of ambition on his part, and I find it hard to see past it. I want him to qualify, but he's putting no work in. When I try to talk about it, he avoids the conversation or gets defensive. I feel like I'm at a dead end.
How do I bring this up in a way he'll actually engage with? And how do I work out whether this is a rough patch or a real difference in what we want, especially with buying a house on the horizon?

**TLDR:** I'm \[24F\], together 4 years with my partner \[29M\]. He's stalled just before qualifying as a solicitor and shuts down when I raise it, while I'm very career-driven. How do I have this conversation, and should it affect our plans to buy a house?

Hi guys, so me [22F] and my gf [20F] have been going out for a year and for the most part it's been bliss. However I've noticed cause of an argument yesterday that whenever we have an argument and she gets mad at me she basically shuts down and doesn't communicate or leaves me on read.

I've noticed she in general struggled with communicating when she's mad and she has also admitted it. An example is how once where she told me she was mad but refused to tell me the reason she was until I was omw home even though I kept asking her for half an hour and just saying "No i wont tell you" and then once I was on my train ignoring me or leaving me on read for several hours. She has even done this for over a day.

I know people need space sometimes after an argument but I always find myself in these situation left feeling like shit or this urge to spam texts into the void hopping she'll respond. I think it's due to the fact that she doesn't say that she needs space or anything and just dissappears. So how do I not ig let the silence get to me so much and how do I bridge the topic of how her silence hurts me without upsetting her or trying to sound like the victim.

TLDR: How do I [22F] not let my GF's [20F] silent treatment get to me and how do I talk with her about it without upsetting her or trying to sound like the victim?

we haven't been dating for very long but as soon as the first night we met started talking he brought up sexual things. he asks for pictures of me all the time (normal clothed ones) which i guess is sweet but he always says im sexy and how much he gets worked up from seeing me. its not that im not interested in that, i am, but its literally everyday. maybe this is a "my lobster too juicy my steak too buttery" situation but everytime we see eachother he wants to get physical. and he will text me saying how much he wants me and saying how hard he is when he knows im at class or work. i know i should feel lucky that i have someone who wants me and i do like spending time with him but i think he perceives me more as a doll. on top of all this, im extremely inexperienced and have no idea what im doing. i have fun when im with him but i feel icky when im away. i worry he wouldn't be able to hang out with me without getting physical or making a comment on my looks. hes said that hes been told hes too much before and i dont want to hurt him. any advice or if anyone could share their experience it would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: my new boyfriend is very sexual and while i have fun when im with him, i feel icky when im away and i worry he wouldn't be able to be with me without a sexual element

My fiancée [26F] and I [27M] are both Turkish and come from traditional families. We’ve been together for around three years, are engaged, and are planning our wedding. I love her deeply and genuinely want to spend my life with her.
One recurring issue in our relationship is my relationship with my family. I grew up in an environment where moving out before marriage is generally not accepted. My mother is quite traditional, and I’ve often worried about disappointing my family. Looking back, I realize that I sometimes think about how they might react before figuring out what I actually want.

My fiancée feels that I struggle to express my own opinions, take initiative, and make decisions independently. She worries that after marriage, our lives will still be influenced too much by my family. I understand her concerns, especially because she wants to feel that we make decisions together as a couple.
The main issue: Moving in together before marriage
My fiancée wants us to move in together before the wedding, while I’ve always imagined moving out of my family home only after getting married. This is partly connected to my upbringing and my family’s expectations.

I’m now questioning how much of this preference is genuinely mine and how much comes from the environment I grew up in. I don’t want to agree to moving in together simply because I’m afraid of losing her, but I also don’t want to keep following expectations I’ve never properly questioned.
I want to make this decision consciously and because it feels right to me, not out of fear of disappointing either side.

Another example: Wedding traditions
There is also a traditional Turkish wedding gift-giving custom that my fiancée finds tacky and showy. Personally, I wouldn’t choose to do it either if my family’s opinion weren’t a factor. However, I know it would make my family happy, and their happiness genuinely makes me happy too.
I initially struggled to explain this honestly because I was so focused on what my family would think. I’ve realized that I sometimes present my family’s wishes as if they were my own, rather than first figuring out what I actually want.
I don’t want to exclude my family from my life or stop caring about their opinions. I want to remain close to them and make them happy when I can. At the same time, I don’t want their expectations to dictate our decisions as a couple.

What has changed recently
Over the last few days, I’ve had some meaningful conversations and reflected deeply on myself and our relationship. I also spoke honestly with my mother and realized that I can love my family without letting them decide how I live my life.
I feel more at peace with myself and clearer about what I want. I want to become more independent, take initiative, express my opinions honestly, and build a life with my fiancée in which we make our own decisions together.

My fiancée has told me that she needs to see actual change rather than hear more promises. I understand that. I want to start taking concrete steps, including seriously discussing our future living arrangements and how we want to build our life together.
I’m considering offering her a fresh start—not pretending our problems never happened, but consciously starting a new chapter and showing through my actions that I’m serious about changing.
At the same time, I sometimes feel trapped, as though if I don’t make the decisions my fiancée considers right, I might lose her. I’m trying to understand how to become more independent without simply replacing my family’s expectations with hers.

Question:
How can I show my fiancée that I’m genuinely changing while still being honest about my own wishes and not making decisions purely out of fear of losing her?

TLDR: I’m [27M], engaged to my [26F] fiancée, and we both come from traditional Turkish families. She worries that my family’s expectations influence our relationship too much, particularly regarding moving in together before marriage. I’m realizing that I need to become more independent without cutting my family out of my life. How can I balance these things and demonstrate real change in my relationship?

I (26M) have been with my girlfriend for 5-6 years. We got together in our early 20s, and back then I made a pretty conscious choice to be “sensible” and go for something stable.

Yesterday I was at a party and a concert with my friends, and two different girls clearly showed interest. I didn’t do anything, but I felt that spark and that feeling of being wanted, which I haven’t felt in years. And it brought something to the surface that’s been simmering for a long time.

When I look at my friends, they lived the wild life in their early 20s with dorms, parties and dating, and only now are they starting to settle down. I did it the other way around, and now I feel like the window for that kind of thing is closing. It stresses me out, and I notice myself getting a bit bitter, even though it was my own choice.

At the same time, there are things in the relationship that have worn on us from the start. There’s been jealousy on her side the whole way through, and it keeps coming back. She also has almost no friends, and that’s not because she’s a bad person. She’s sweet, loving and has a lot of good qualities, so it honestly puzzles me that it hasn’t worked out for her. She tries, but it just doesn’t happen. That means I often feel like I have to be her entire social life, and I’ve often stayed home so she wouldn’t be left alone, even though sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends without her. On top of that, she’s struggling to find a job, so I cover most of the bills, and honestly I’m scared of what will happen to her if I leave.

I want to stress that this isn’t a post about her being a bad girlfriend. She’s a good person, and I care about her. I haven’t been a saint either and caused my own share of problems early in the relationship. That’s exactly why this is so hard. It’s not because either of us is terrible, but because the same things keep coming up, and I don’t know if we’re right for each other anymore.

She also has things she’d like me to change. The biggest one is that she feels I’m constantly checking out other women. I don’t experience it that way myself. Sure, I notice if an attractive woman walks by, but more in the sense that I register she’s there, not that I’m sitting there staring. But she clearly sees it differently, and it’s become one of the things we keep going in circles about.

We’ve talked about all of this several times, and at one point we agreed to try a week apart, but it never happened. The pattern is always the same: we talk, she makes an extra effort, things get better for a week or two, and then we’re back where we started.

If I’m being completely honest, my first feeling when I imagine being single is relief. But I’m afraid I’m staying out of pity and sunk cost, and that I’ll end up as a bitter boyfriend.

So I’d love to hear from those of you who’ve been in something similar. If you got together early and later missed out on your youth, what did you do, and do you regret it? How do you tell whether it’s longing for a phase of life or whether the relationship is just over? And how do you leave someone you care about, who depends on you a lot, in a decent way?

TLDR: 26M, together since our early 20s. Longing for the single/dorm life I never had. At the same time, recurring jealousy, she has no friends, and I carry most of the finances. She feels I check out other women, which I don’t experience myself. I care about her, but feel relief at the thought of being single. Am I staying for the wrong reasons?

I got into an argument with my long distance girlfriend

Long story short, I live in California and she lives in Missouri. I fly over there when I can, even though it places an enormous strain on me. I am diagnosed with BPD. She is not.

Around 4 o'clock her friend from an hour and a half away surprised her at her apartment and asked her to go to dinner. I said hi to the friend over the phone and said "yeah have a nice dinner, ill talk to you when you get home."

She gets home and we are on discord chatting. She mentions a few times her friends are bothering her to go out to a local college bar with them. For reference, im 32F and she is 27F. I initially was pretty peeved about it, because whenever I am visiting she does not want to go out to bars or watch games, or any of the like. Then she disconnects the call and im left a bit confused.

I text her like "aye where did you go?" And she was already at the bar. (It is 15 minutes away). I got upset because I can never get out of the house with her when I visit, but when her friends from college call, she goes. And it really upset me. I told her I was upset, and that I was just going to take my "calm down" meds and go to bed and that I was upset.

The fight increases because she promptly turns around and goes home. I was supposed to fly to see her in 3 days (i am usually the one flying to see her for 2 and a half weeks at a time because she is busy being a professor). I said the words "i have a lot of stress, you know im pulling my hair out because I have to take care of things in 3 days before I see you and get on another flight after JUST BEING THERE 2 and a half weeks prior and having to babysit my moms old dog while she was out of town." So I said the words "im going to cancel the flight and take care of the things I need to, and you can come see me on your flight here for Thanksgiving for the week."

I was already feeling spread incredibly thin, and I think the idea that she wouldn't go out and enjoy outside places with me just bothered me because whenever im visiting, she does not want to go out or do anything. And i blew up on her and told her I was upset and frustrated.

She told me she was throwing up from the stress, shaking and crying, didnt want to go out, cant understand why im upset, and doesnt understand why I don't want her to see her friends.

I feel like on my side, it was just really frustrating that she disappeared and said "well you have my location you could have just checked" and personally, I am not a hawk on her location. I rely on her to tell me these things.

Bottom line I feel like an asshole. I feel like I messed up and i created an issue out of nothing.

TLDR: My girlfriend didnt tell me she was going to a college bar with friends. I am upset because she never wants to go with me to said bars. We live long distance and I am trapped by a phone. Please advise.

Edit: just to clarify. His issue is that I did get in the car and left. He says no good wife should ever leave the spouse while they’re talking. I said you weren’t talking you were yelling at me calling me disgusting. So I have a hard time thinking I should apologize for leaving to get the eggs.

This is the story and it’s VERY long. I homeschool my 4 kids. We don’t wake up at the crack of dawn. Probably around 8 and are not really hungry for breakfast til much later like 10:30-11. Well 3 days ago husband went to get his haircut at 10 am and about 10:45 I went to start breakfast. I realized we only had 3 eggs and decided to run to the store around the corner (Some little shop no Walmart type store) it always takes me less than ten minutes to go get my stuff and come back. Anyway as I’m walking out the door to get in my car my husband pulls in. He asks where are you going? I said I will be right back I’m just going to the store to get some eggs. He gets out of the car and pretty pissed off tells me “this is an unacceptable behavior” “you should always be ready to make breakfast” “why should I come home and have to wait for breakfast” I said “im sorry I was getting the eggs from the fridge and realized we only had three. So I’m going to be right back and get started” he said “you don’t understand what I’m saying? Your treatment of me is unacceptable. This is unacceptable” I said I’ll be right back if you can’t wait for me, there are three eggs left if you want to make them while I run to the store” HE LOST IT. He balled his fist really tight and through clenched teeth he said I was disgusting for even telling him to make his eggs. He was already yelling at this point Outside where everybody could hear it all (there were people at the park across the street) I said I’m gonna go because you’re yelling and the kids are getting hungry. He says get over here and fix this and apologize. Ok I never did apologize and it’s been three days of him saying I’m a horrible wife for walking away while he was talking. That no wife should ever do that to her spouse. I keep telling him he was yelling and called me disgusting and I think that is unacceptable. He says that I’m a horrible wife and doesn’t really talk to me only to tell me I need to apologize or “beg for forgiveness” “this is so horrible you should be on your hands and knees begging for an apology” he works. I don’t outside the home. Not that I don’t want to but even when I attempted to, he always made a big deal about him having to “watch” the kids when he’s so tired. So I really parent my kids 99% of the time. Anyway. My question really is… do I need to apologize? I don’t think I should. I tell him I don’t need an apology from him at all but if someone had to apologize it wasn’t me. That I need to be submissive and understand when he says I shouldn’t walk away from a spouse that’s talking to you, I don’t have the right to say if it’s right or not. He posted on instagram asking for prayer for him. In the past I would have apologized to keep the peace… but I really feel he’s out of control. What say you???
TLDR: should I apologize for walking away? He is demanding this apology.

TLDR: Boyfriend is exhausted from constantly working, and his dad is toxic too, which adds to the problems. This has led him to have anxiety and mild depression.

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We met in college, and after we graduated, he joined his family business. Gradually, his life became busier and mental health started going down.

The main issues are:

1. A huge debt he has on his head that needs to be repaid, which is why he cannot "chill" it down at work. He constantly has to keep hustling.
2. His dad is toxic and keeps telling him how he keeps making losses in the business (the business is only at break-even) so far.

He is completely broken by the comments his dad is making & he's also burned out. This has led him to start having anxiety, losing his appetite, and also losing interest in all relationships, including ours.

My heart breaks seeing him like this. How do I help him? He's starting therapy, but I'm so worried for him.

I want to preface this by saying that I genuinely don't mind guys following my girlfriend on social media or her following other guys. That's never really been an issue for me, and I don't expect her to avoid interacting with men just because she's in a relationship. However, this particular situation feels a little strange to me.

My girlfriend [23F] and I [23M] are in a long-distance relationship, and we've been together for about a year.

Recently, I noticed that there's a guy she follows on her cosplay account who doesn't follow her main account, and she doesn't follow him on her main account either. What makes this weird to me is that she doesn't really use her cosplay account this way with other people, including her own friends or even me. She doesn't follow her other friends on that account, so I'm confused about why this particular guy is an exception.

A few nights ago, she also went out with two of her friends and got extremely drunk. She didn't really tell me much about what happened that night, and at the time, I honestly didn't think anything of it. I wasn't particularly concerned or suspicious.

I want to make it clear that I don't have any actual evidence of cheating or anything inappropriate happening. I'm also aware that these things could be completely unrelated, and I don't want to jump to conclusions but kinda already am.

At the same time, I can't help finding the situation unusual, particularly because she doesn't seem to treat her cosplay account this way with anyone else.

I'm wondering whether I'm overthinking something completely harmless or whether other people would also find this a little odd.

Would you consider this suspicious, or am I making connections between unrelated things?

TLDR: My [23M] long-distance girlfriend [23F] follows a guy on her cosplay account but not her main account, despite not even following her other friends or me on that account. She also recently went out drinking and didn't tell me much about the night. I don't have evidence of anything inappropriate, but the combination has made me uneasy. Am I overthinking this?

I [18F] have feelings for a close friend, "T" [18M]. I confessed to him twice, and he eventually told me that he doesn't think he'll be able to reciprocate my feelings. I respect his answer, and I'm not trying to convince him otherwise. However, I'm struggling with what happens to our friendship now.

Before I developed feelings for him, I genuinely valued him as a friend. We have a lot of inside jokes, ridiculous nicknames, and little interactions that made our friendship special to me. He calls me “cinnamon roll,” we joke around constantly, and he has shown me affection in ways that made me wonder whether he might feel something more.

For example, he initiated group hangouts at my place, asked about my art, and even drew something for my 18th birthday despite not being able to attend the celebration as one of my birthday dancers. None of these things automatically mean romantic interest, and I understand that now. But combined with our closeness, they made me wonder if there was something mutual between us.

When we talked about the rejection, he apologized and said, “I'm sorry, I know I gave off a lot of signs. I didn't mean them.” When I asked what signs he meant, he said, “I definitely led you on without noticing,” and admitted that it was partly his fault too.

That conversation made me feel less like I had completely imagined everything, but it also left me confused. I don't know whether he simply didn't realize how his affection came across or whether he had feelings he never fully understood. I'm not assuming the latter, especially because he explicitly told me he couldn't reciprocate my feelings.

As far as I know, he hasn't been in an actual relationship before. He told me about a girl he liked when he was in Grade 12, a senior high school student he encountered during his on-the-job training. From what I understood, things almost progressed into courtship, but they never became an official couple, and she now has a boyfriend. I sometimes wonder whether that experience influenced how he approaches romantic relationships, but I don't want to make assumptions.

He's also told me that he doesn't think he can date someone until he feels secure and has worked on himself. He explained that he doesn't believe in needing a “better half” and that his insecurities could lead to serious anxiety in a relationship. He described it as needing to “fix the leaks” first. I understand and respect that perspective, but I can't assume it's the reason he rejected me, especially because he explicitly said he couldn't reciprocate my feelings.

For additional context, my previous relationship lasted 5 or 6 months, while my friendship with T has lasted almost two years now. My feelings for T developed within that friendship, which is part of why this situation is so difficult for me. I had already grown attached to him as a friend before I confessed, and I'm afraid of losing that connection now that he knows how I feel.

He also explained that he genuinely had been very busy, sometimes having only 9 PM to midnight to himself before waking up around 5 AM. He said he wasn't ignoring me. I believe that he has responsibilities and a life outside our friendship, but the long gaps between replies have still made me feel like we're becoming distant.

He told me he still considers me very close and hopes the rejection doesn't ruin our friendship. I want that too. I don't want to lose him just because I admitted how I felt.

For context, I've been rejected seven times before, and I joked that I'm practically immune to rejection by now. He told me he didn't think rejection was something you could get used to and that he didn't think he could handle heartbreak the way I have. I can laugh about my experiences, but honestly, this situation hurts differently because I'm not just grieving the possibility of a relationship. I'm scared of losing someone who was already important to me as a friend.

I've also been working on a 31-day poetry series called A Little Illness, with one poem and a corresponding song for each day. Some of the poems are inspired by my feelings for him, although the series is a creative project of its own. When I told him about it, he asked if I wanted him to look at it and said I must have put a lot of effort into it. I wanted to cry while talking to him, but I tried to keep myself together.

I think the hardest part is that I miss how we used to be. I want us to joke around, share random things, and be idiots together without constantly wondering whether I'm bothering him or whether our friendship has changed permanently.

I also struggle with depression and have had difficulties with school and my mental health for years. Sometimes I wonder whether things might have been different if our circumstances had been different, but I know that's an alternate reality I can't prove. I don't want to blame my past or my mental health for everything, and I don't want to turn him into someone who owes me a relationship.

I just don't know how to move forward without losing the friendship I'm trying to preserve.

Should I give him space and let him initiate conversations for a while? Should I talk to him directly about how uncertain I feel about our friendship, or would that put unnecessary pressure on him? How do you rebuild a close friendship after one person confesses and gets rejected?

I want to respect his boundaries, but I also don't want to be the only person trying to keep the friendship alive.

TLDR: I [18F] confessed twice to my close friend [18M], but he said he couldn't reciprocate my feelings, despite acknowledging that he unintentionally led me on. After a friendship of almost two years, I'm scared of losing the closeness we had and don't know how to rebuild our friendship without pressuring him or being the only one making an effort.