I'm trying to figure out how common this is. An established agent was very excited in an email response and asked if I'd be interested in her representing me. Then when I responded back to say I'd love to talk, she has disappeared. It has been 4 weeks. I've followed up once more. I am stumped.

I haven't stopped tweaking this one, and I'm feeling like I've cut it too short (the synopsis is only 216 words), but I'm too close to it to know what would need added? This one's hopefully going to be my last attempt.

First attempt here.

Hi AGENT,

I’m excited to offer WHERE SHADOW MEETS SHORE, a standalone with series potential YA Romantasy, told in dual POV and complete at 89,000 words. It blends the deep romantic yearning and afflicted United States world of The Gravewood by Kelly Andrew (2026) with the hunter stakes and shadow threat of Shadow Reaper by Lynette Noni (2026). I’m submitting to you per your MSWL request for [PERSONALIZATION].

Lyra Fable, seventeen, is devoted to killing the shadow-wielding deities who murdered her best friend. She hunts them on the coast, where their foggy shadows cling to the shore, and where the humans who touch the darkness turn into blood-crazed vampires. Armed with her dagger and the flowers she dries for luck, Lyra takes up a hunt for the deities’ leader—and runs right into the best friend she thought was dead.

Seventeen-year-old Kaveh Thorne faked it all. He left the night his violent shadow magic surfaced and told him to hurt Lyra, the girl he loved. After years of searching for answers, he finally discovers what’s causing the voices: his father and leader of the deities, Everan Thorne. And when a hunt to find Everan reveals a plot to inject Lyra with the voices, the only solution is to kill him.

If they fail, Everan will control her. If they succeed, Kaveh can finally stay without hurting her. But even Lyra knows only shadows can defeat shadows, and using Kaveh’s means inviting the voices that demand a blade to her throat. So she steels her heart when he teaches her how to photograph sunsets with his Polaroid, knowing their love will be her destruction—because his shadows might slay Everan, but they’ll bury Lyra, too.

I work at [publishing house]. Fueled by ADHD and a decade-long love for all things romance, I bounce between reading, writing, and playing farming simulation games and fretting over which sim to marry. WHERE SHADOW MEETS SHORE would be my debut.

I know you must receive a high number of queries, so thank you for taking the time to read mine! Warmly,

[name] writing as [pen name]

FIRST 300:

In her thirteen years of being a Watcher, Lyra’s prey had never found its way inside the manor.

The Astral stood in the foyer, surrounded by glittering stained glass windows that glowed purple and orange. He glowed too, a halo that radiated off his body like all Astrals. His yellow was tame, maybe mind reading or cognition. Better than the fires of red or the telekinesis of purple.

He spread his hands as if greeting an old friend. “Hello, dear Watcher,” he said, his voice like wind chimes that clattered too harshly in a raging summer storm.

Lyra tensed by the open door. It took two Watchers to take down an Astral, and her partner—her adoptive father, Rhys—was parking the truck outside. This Astral must have known she would be alone. Either that, or he’d willingly stepped into what could have been a manor full of the people hunting his kind.

He smiled warmly. “My name is Caius, and I have come with a tip, darling. You do not have to look so afraid.”

“I’m not,” Lyra snapped. Her hand shook around the hilt of her dagger, strapped to her outer thigh.

Astrals were the offspring of the stars—according to myth, they’d hidden for centuries, watching humanity, deciding if it was worthy of the space it claimed in the world. No one had expected it when hundreds of Astrals descended from the cosmos and summoned the shadows that had caused the Darkening.

“Bygones, am I right?” Caius said.

Lyra tightened her grip on her dagger hilt. “Get out of my head.”

He tapped his temple. “Alas, I cannot.” He scanned the room with that lazy smile, lingering on the crystal chandelier with flickering candlelight flames, the dual hardwood staircases spiraling waxed steps up either side of the room, and the arched walkway lined with mounted blades underneath.

I’ve read a lot of R&R discussions here, but I’d love to hear from anyone who’s navigated one with fairly broad feedback rather than detailed editorial notes.

An agent I’d consider a dream agent read my full and requested a call. She was enthusiastic about the writing and several aspects of the manuscript, but ultimately felt it wasn’t quite finished/fully developed. Her main suggestions were to develop the present-day plot, give that storyline a stronger narrative pull, and restructure the backstory so it doesn’t slow the present-day momentum.

I agreed with her assessment. However, the feedback was all verbal and fairly high-level, with no written notes or specific roadmap. She asked whether I’d be willing to revise and offered to read an exclusive resubmission.

I really liked her, her agency, and her sales record. This manuscript has otherwise received mostly silence, apart from one partial request. More importantly, I think these are revisions the book needs, and I believe I’ll end up with a stronger manuscript regardless of her eventual decision.

What I’m struggling with is the uncertainty of translating broad feedback into a substantial revision. I understand this isn’t an offer of representation, but it’s hard not to get emotionally invested. I worry about spending months revising only to discover that my interpretation wasn’t what she had in mind—or that the revised book still doesn’t work for her.

She didn’t set a deadline and emphasized doing the revisions well. When I pressed a little on timing, she mentioned that, if we ended up working together, she’d ideally want to submit to editors in the first quarter of next year. That has me thinking about an early-December resubmission, although that’s my own target rather than a deadline she gave me.

For anyone who’s been through something similar:

- How did you approach an R&R without detailed notes?
- Did you ask follow-up questions or check whether your proposed direction aligned with the agent’s feedback?
- How did you manage the hope and uncertainty while doing the work?

I want to pursue the revision because I believe in the book and agree with the feedback. I’d just appreciate hearing how others have handled this process, whether or not it ultimately led to representation.

Hey everyone, thank you for the notes and comments on the previous attempt. Here's my latest, and hopefully final, draft. Looking forward to your thoughts.

------------

Dear [AGENT NAME]

The Backrooms meets Severance in THERE’S CAKE IN THE BREAKROOM, a speculative horror novel with weird fiction and science fiction elements complete at 106,000 words. This novel would fit comfortably alongside the character-driven existentialism of Sarah Rose Etter’s Ripe, the corporate psychological terror of Nicholas Binge’s Abyss, and the supernatural bureaucracy of Qntm's There Is No Antimemetics Division.

The basement of Carson Tully’s office is growing even faster than his cancer. When the sudden disappearance of a coworker leads Carson to the dimensionally impossible and infinite office spaces beneath his workplace, he fears the stress of his condition has broken his dying mind. It’s not until Carson witnesses the death of his boss, only for the man to return from the basement perfectly healed hours later, that he embraces this new reality. Because if the company can use these rooms to resurrect the dead, then maybe they can cure Carson’s leukemia, too. 

Against the watchful eye of an enigmatic new manager, Carson teams up with a contentious group of coworkers to understand this liminal dimension and learn exactly how the company cheats death. The answer could free them from the rat race forever. But corporate mercenaries and creatures wearing the wrong faces hunt anything that moves down there, and endless rooms imitate the past. Only by confronting the conspiracy at the heart of this company can Carson live to see his family’s future.

This novel was inspired by my experiences as an artist with disabilities trapped in a corporate environment. My short fiction is forthcoming in [PUBLICATION] in Winter 2027.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

------------

Changes since last time for those who read past attempts:

- Re-wrote sentence about his boss's death to not change subject partway through, used the word 'witness' to emphasize that this isn't an event many people are aware of without being wordy

-Removed parts about his father and his son to streamline

-Added broad motivator sentence for his team

- re-wrote final stakes sentence

- Added a new comp (Antimemetics). It's from 2020 but reasonably popular now and I hope balances out Abyss being a very recent novella. Too old?

Hi everyone! Many thanks for the feedback left on my first attempt. I’ve revised accordingly and would love a second round of eyes.

—————————————————————

Dear [Agent Name],

I am thrilled to share LOVE AND OTHER PINNING COMBINATIONS, my dual-POV adult sports romance set against the visceral world of professional wrestling, complete at 78,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Taylor Jenkins Reid's CARRIE SOTO IS BACK, for its sport-as-living-character atmosphere, Elsie Silver's FLAWLESS for its rowdy characters finding their footing, and Ali Hazelwood's DEEP END for its thoughtful approach to mental health and athletic identity. It is a standalone with series potential.  

Daisy Cahill swore she'd never step foot in a wrestling ring again. Not after her father's accident forced her to bury her own dreams along with him. But when an executive assistant position opens at GWE, the world's number one professional wrestling promotion, Daisy takes it. Not because she's healed—because working close to the action, never under the ropes, is the closest she'll get to feeling like her father's daughter again.

Rip Hawkins is a living legend with a rapidly aging body and a decade's worth of things he's been outrunning—including the question of who he is without wrestling. When Daisy lets slip that she once dreamed of competing professionally, Rip offers to train her. One-on-one. 

But Daisy learned the hardest lesson young: wrestling takes just as much as it gives. Every time Rip pushes past an injury, she feels her father’s loss all over again. Daisy can’t let herself fall for someone who’s one bad match away from breaking her heart. Not without severing her connection to the ring, the dream she and her father shared, and the chance to finally step into her own power without his ghost standing in the way.

 [bio]

Dear [Agent Name],

I’m seeking representation for BIZAR’S BIZARRE BAZAAR, a dual-POV adult portal fantasy complete at 98,000 words. It combines the world-hopping adventure of Genevieve Cogman’s THE INVISIBLE LIBRARY with the found family and dark undercurrent of T. Kingfisher’s NETTLE & BONE.

Nina Fischer is a burned-out barista, resigned to the bitter life of overtime and closing out local bars. When a stranger pesters her about a hidden crypt, she writes him off as a drunk—that is, until she stumbles upon a staircase that shouldn’t exist. Following it, she finds the crypt and, by sheer luck, escapes with the crown at its center. When she hands it to the stranger, he rewards her with a gift from his shop.

The shop is Bizar’s Bizarre Bazaar, a magical emporium that leaps to new worlds every seven days. Its owner, Fathom, is a century-old thief and professional menace who lives each week as if nothing after mattered. But his way of life falls apart when his companion Cevik—a demon banished from hell for being too nice—carelessly traps Nina with a curse as the Bazaar leaves Earth, stranding her in a different world.

Fathom is only irked that a consequence has followed him, intending to abandon her at the next convenient moment. But Nina has been auditioning for people to see her value all her life, and knows she must become too useful to discard. Quickly, she becomes an accomplice to their schemes, and Fathom finds he can’t quite bring himself to get rid of her.

Just as he resolves to leave Nina behind, Fathom is captured by Khavri—a demon after the Bazaar’s ability to travel worlds. Assuming she no longer has a place aboard, Nina falls in with a crew of charming thieves who offer the belonging she’s always craved, only to learn that accepting their hospitality means enduring the same cycle she’s been trying to escape. For Fathom, captivity brings something worse: the memories that refuse to let him care, and seven days to escape before the Bazaar leaves him behind for good.

[bio]

With bio, the query comes out to be around 375 words, which I would love to tighten but not exactly sure how. Also, I know that The Invisible Library came out in 2014 and isn't very relevant, but I can't find any recent titles that are as fitting. Even so, think it's worth finding a different comp?

Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks

Dear Agent Name

In a kingdom where trust is a tool reserved only for fools and dead men, a tongueless knight must ask the right questions to find her husband’s murderer.

IF THE CROWN FITS is a 97,000 word multi-POV adult epic fantasy novel. It primarily follows an aging knight and a charmingly out-of-touch princess. It will appeal to readers seeking the gallows humour of Christopher Beuhlman’s THRICE BOUND FOOL, the political intrigue of THE TAINTED CUP by Robert Jackson Bennett, and the sea-faring setting of Shannon Chakraborty’s THE ADVENTURES OF AMINA AL-SARAFFI. It is a stand-alone with series potential.

War brews at sea and rebellion stirs in the countryside, but the Silent Knight, Siren Lorena Black, spends her twilight years as bodyguard to a feckless prince. If she could just paint a battlefield rouge once more, perhaps she might earn her place rightful in history. All the sacrifices she’s made for this ungrateful nation might be worth something.

In a last ditch effort to prevent war, Primewitness Chid, highest priest in the land, hosts a peace summit for rulers across the Amethyst Sea. Not everyone wants peace, though. 

Just as a final treaty is drafted, the do-gooder is found rather thoroughly assassinated, along with any naive notions of harmony on the high seas. While the rest of the Court scrambles over the political repercussions, Siren Lorena looks closer at the body. She’s seen this killer’s work before. They left the same marks on her husband, Harold.

Time is short and there’s no shortage of suspects. Noble sycophants warmonger at the King’s table; a foreign witch operates from the shadows; and a handsome suitor offers the Crown Princess a little death.

In searching for answers, Lorena must infiltrate powerful houses and make deals that stretch the definition of loyalty. She must fight the rebels and traitors that stand in her way. Her tongue may be lost, but her sword sings louder than any other as she cuts them from nasal to naval until the offal spills out like ribbons. As her deeds grow darker, Lorena must ask if honouring Harold’s death is worth becoming something he could never love.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I've sent out a few queries so far but have only gotten rejections and wanted to see if there's anything I can further tweak. Any and all feedback appreciated!
--------
Dear [Agent Name],

THE VALLEY OF DYING STARS is a 94,000 word dystopian alternate history set in a world where a second Civil War divided America, and a young journalist uncovers government lies about her nation’s racial caste system and risks her life to get the truth out, while uncovering truths about her own family. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the viewpoint of an indoctrinated character as in The Testaments (2026), the dystopian mystery of Veronica Roth’s Poster Girl, and the near-future alternate-history setting of Rae Giana Rashad’s The Blueprint.

In a world where a totalitarian regime took over the South after a second American Civil War, the Southern U.S. seceded from the North to become its own nation, implementing a racial caste system that mandates that a person’s skin color determines the kinds of jobs they can work. People of color are made to work in service roles and are unable to rise in life.

Fortuna Pryce is a female journalist constrained by her gender. Forced to write fluff pieces for women that reinforce traditional gender roles and subservience to men, Fortuna longs to write real news like the male journalists and to build a career that lets her step out of her father’s legacy as one of the Southern Territories’ renowned scientists.

When Fortuna meets a journalist visiting from another region of the South, Adam, the two strike up an intense affair. But when Adam disappears, Fortuna discovers the story he was working on: an article that insinuates the Southern Territories’ caste system—which states that people of color are genetically inferior—is built on lies and experimentation without consent on lower-caste children.

Propelled by her ambition and desire for the truth, Fortuna decides to pursue the story, even if it means risking her life. . However, she faces the insurmountable task of earning the trust of the lower-caste community, who believe she cannot be trusted because of their status differences. As Fortuna gets deeper into the story, the Confederacy’s secret forces become aware of her dalliance with Adam and are determined to smoke any potential traitors out and prevent another uprising.

Forced to pair up with an unlikely ally—her colleague’s fiancée, Lilia, and her nanny, Maisy- Fortuna must uncover hidden secrets from her past that will forever change what she knows of the people closest to her. Will Fortuna be able to break the story before the Confederacy silences them forever?

I am a woman of color whose experiences with misogyny and racism shaped the writing of this novel. I have a BA in English from [university name]  and live in [city name] with my husband and rescue dog. By day, I work in SaaS while moonlighting as a writer by night. When I’m not writing, I enjoy posting book and writing content on my Instagram and TikTok at [socialmediahandle]  to my audience of 6K followers.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,

​

Hello Fellow Writers,

I know MG is a really hard sell at this point, but it's my favorite genre to write so I'm sticking with it.

I'd appreciate any thoughts or suggestions that you might have to improve this query letter. Thank you in advance!

Dear Literary Agent,

FINDING TALON HANDAXE is a 38, 000-word Middle Grade adventure mystery with humor and heart. It will appeal to fans of Joslin Brorsen’s *Wilderness Hacks* and Diana Renn’s *Trouble at Turtle Pond*.

Twelve-year-old Wallace Shipley’s birthday camping trip to the Temagami wilderness will either reboot his family or kick him in the butt. Ever since his Claymation film was rejected at an art festival, Dad, a cartoon producer, has treated him like a canceled series. Wallace hopes to win him back when he arrives by showing off new wildlife sketches. Better yet, if they bond over the park appearance of their favorite TikTok survivalist, Talon Handaxe, Wallace knows they’ll reconnect at flipbook speed. But the trip hits granite bottom when Handaxe vanishes.

The adults brush off the disappearance as a publicity stunt. But when Wallace finds Handaxe’s multi-tool, he swipes it to prove they’re wrong. What bites is that his frenemy Adanna, who's also on the trip, schemes to snag the tool and hog the rescue glory for herself. Then Wallace spots a distress flare north of the lake. His fear of toothy predators makes him hesitate until he reads Mom’s note: Dad’s bailing for work. Suddenly, tracking down Handaxe is worth the risk. Desperate for navigation help, he brings along Adanna, a self-proclaimed survivalist.

Escaping the adults in a stolen swan pedal boat during a storm is the easy part. Soon, poison ivy and moose endanger their mission, and Wallace learns Adanna’s survival skills stink more than a city dumpster. The two are captured by the same poachers holding Handaxe hostage. Wallace taps into his once-spurned animation skills to hatch a risky plan to save Handaxe, Adanna, and himself. If he doesn’t succeed, Wallace will reach the final frames of his life before ever seeing his dad again.

I’m a disabled writer, SCBWI member, and high school animation teacher based near Toronto. This story was inspired by hiking trips in Ontario Provincial Parks.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Dear (Agent),

Given your interest in (personalization), I’d love to share THE DUEL BETWEEN SHADOWS, where, to save his older brother suffering from schizophrenia, a high school dropout must gain sight of a hidden world of monsters living in our shadows. It’s a 100,000-word contemporary fantasy blending the dark fairytale atmosphere in Starling House by Alix E. Harrow with the unassuming characters thrust into a supernatural war from The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin.

Anu’s foundation collapses after his brother, the one person who makes him cry from laughter and his one true friend, RJ, runs away from home following a major psychotic episode. Haunted by the guilt of not being able to do more, and watching his hard-working mom’s depression steal her light, Anu sacrifices everything, including his education, social life, and mental health, to track RJ down.  

While living on the streets, RJ confronts ombras, beings in our shadows that embody our mental and spiritual struggles. Only a chosen few have the sight, living in a purgatory of attacks and constant dread from their own ombra and others nearby. 

After two years of searching, Anu finds RJ. This reunion is the antithesis of what Anu hoped for. It provokes the wrath of a Kazra, a Guardian, those embedded in the government who seek to manipulate humanity with their controlled ombras. When their mom becomes a casualty in Kazra’s assault, Anu has one choice left: find a way to see ombras to learn how to salvage his family’s sanity, and uncover the reason they’re targeted. However, Kazra strikes again. They’re able to elude capture with the help of a rogue mentor who promises to help the brothers master their ombra. 

As RJ slips further under the influence of his own conniving ombra, Anu questions whether he can attain sight and command over his ombra, protect his family, accept their secret connection to Kazra, and survive in a battle amongst the most powerful forces in our universe.

[Bio]

I’d be happy to send you the full manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

--------

Appreciate any notes you can give me. I really want this query to be better but don't see the blindspots yet.

Dear [Agent],

I am writing to you about a dead surgeon.

Zahara Amani has known Arthur Kesi since he was eight years old. Twenty-six years later, she survives on her back and her wit as an ageing sex worker on the Kenyan coast. Arthur, now a brilliant surgeon, despite his self-destructive ways, has status, a family, and a city indebted to his skill. Then his life collapses in quick succession: he loses custody of his young son, his queer caregiver dies in a horrific car accident, and two weeks later, Arthur himself is dead.

Eight years after Arthur’s funeral, Zahara reconstructs the nineteen days leading up to his death. She sifts through the brothel doorways, the tequila breakfasts, and the hospital corridors, desperate to pinpoint the single moment that could have kept him alive. Yet the deeper she goes into their shared past, the closer she comes to confronting a secret she has kept buried for three decades: a dark, childhood act of “kindness” that may have set the course for everything that followed.

NINETEEN DAYS (complete at 38,000 words) explores how one act of love—for the right person, at the wrong time—can haunt multiple lives across decades. Narrated by a fiercely unapologetic and unreliable sex worker, NINETEEN DAYS will appeal to readers of SHUGGIE BAIN and the social realism of contemporary African literary fiction. It deals frankly with addiction, chronic illness, sex work, and assisted suicide.

Like Arthur, I am a doctor of African heritage practising in Sub-Saharan Africa. The manuscript’s depiction of chronic illness, shared trauma, and the institutional pressures exerted on medical professionals globally draws directly from my clinical and lived experience. Unlike Arthur, I am alive to write about it.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,

Dr. XXXXX

***

Here are the first 300 words.

CHAPTER ONE

IN THE YEAR I turned sixteen, I went to work in a house by the Indian Ocean.

One morning, the woman dying inside it gave me a piece of advice that has haunted my thoughts ever since.

Be kind, she said.

She said it the way mothers and aunties say be careful. Not as a virtue but as a warning, as though unkindness were something she had watched gathering on the horizon, and she wanted me, Zahara Amani, to survive it.

I thought she was making conversation. She wasn't.

The dying, as I have now come to learn, ration their words. It took me twenty-six years to understand that she was making a bequest to her housegirl, and by then everyone else she had left it to was dead. Everyone except me.

Despite Liz’s advice, I have never been able to reserve judgement.

I judge constantly.

As a sex worker, I judge for a living, in a manner of speaking. I have stood in hot and humid brothel doorways and, within three seconds, known the true measure of a man. I have been wrong perhaps four times in twenty years, which is a better record than most doctors and infinitely better than all priests.

But there’s one man I could never get a fixed reading on, and he is the reason for this book.

His name was Arthur Kesi.

Liz's son.

He possessed the kindest, most impossible blue eyes I have ever seen on a human face, and he did more damage with them than any war.

Arthur is dead now. I want that fact established early, because I have read, and always hated, books that spend three hundred pages waiting to spring death upon you as though it were some clever plot twist.

It isn’t.

Everybody fucking dies.

Hi everyone,

I am new to this amazing community. Thank you so much in advance for your critiques. I am weirdly nervous to post this. I plan to start querying 11/1 (if I can be ready by then). I should add that I am not dyslexic, and I am consulting people who are to ensure I am portraying dyslexia accurately and sensitively (and of course I have researched it a lot as well).

Based on our shared love of (. ), I am delighted to present THE ART OF REAPPEARING, a contemporary coming-of-age upper-middle grade novel, complete at 50,000 words. The survival adventure of “My Side of the Mountain” meets the interpersonal stakes and emotional depth of “Bridge to Teribithia,” with a dash of the magical vibes of “The Snow Child.” 

12-year-old Everett Gabriel Greenwood’s one goal in life is to disappear into his video games. His parents have moved him and his three siblings to a mountain homestead to homeschool, in hopes that he might (finally) learn to read, despite his dyslexia. But when his parents ban him from video games, he ventures into the forest and discovers someone else who disappeared: a 12-year-old orphan girl, Lily.

It’s perfect! He'll run away and live off the land with her! But Lily won’t even consider letting him move into her secret home under the boughs of a giant blue spruce. Following bribes of salt and books, she agrees to teach him survival skills, and over time, comes to rely on him. For the first time in his life, he feels he can meaningfully contribute. 

But his self-doubt and cowardice put her at risk when his pretending he can read leads to her eating toxic berries. Worse: he has an upcoming reading evaluation, and failure could mean moving back to town, thereby abandoning Lily to face the mountain winter alone. With a blizzard approaching and his reading evaluation closing in, Everet will have to develop true courage if he wants to help his friend survive and stay hidden. In trying to save her, he just might save himself too. 

My novel will appeal to fans of “Northwind” by Gary Paulsen and “Candle Island” by Lauren Wolke.

I am a mental health therapist in (. ), where I live with my family and an unwieldy garden. My writing has appeared on mother.ly. This is my debut novel. 

I am grateful for your time and consideration. May I send you the full manuscript?

Below is my first 300 words (apologies that the formatting is weird; I am new to reddit so don't know how to fix formatting, but I follow standard manuscript formatting in my doc):

The wood floor of their new (very old) house let out a loud creak as Everett Gabriel Greenwood tiptoed into his parent’s bedroom just before midnight. He froze. His parents’ deep breathing continued. He exhaled and crept to the closet. He had five minutes to sneak his video game console out, take it to the living room, and log in so he and his friends could finish their quest. They were counting on him. 

Inch by inch, he slid the closet door open. In the darkness, he could see the shadowy figures of the console and games on the top shelf. They were just out of reach. He stood on his toes and extended his arm, craning to push the console forward on the shelf so he could catch it. Crash. The entire stack of games and his Dream Box 5 came tumbling out, dashing his head on their way to the floor. 

“Who’s there?” yelled his father, leaping out of bed.

“Wha—what is it?” his mother asked, sitting bolt upright and turning on her phone’s flashlight.

Blinking in the darkness, their eyes rested on their son, frozen in the middle of the bedroom, with his gaming console and games scattered around him on the floor. 

“Everett, I thought someone was in the house. You scared me to death!” his mother gasped, clutching her chest. 

“Nice try,” his father said. “You know how you can earn your games back, and it’s not by sneaking around in the middle of the night. I’m not above locking these up until you’ve earned your Dream Box 6. Now! Clean this up and get back into bed. You’re grounded.”

***

Everett went back to bed, but not to sleep. Instead, he rubbed the fresh, painful bump on his forehead and fumed.

Hi all, I’m wondering if any of you can relate to my situation, or if I’m entirely the outlier here.

It took me eight months to finish my manuscript, from the first draft to the final draft. I queried for two months, received four offers of representation, and am currently editing with my agent’s guidance before we go on submission next month.

All is well, but the thing is, I’m reaching a point where I’m absolutely sick of my manuscript. I just sent my edits to my agent, and now I can’t even read my own work without cringing or feeling like it’s the worst thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. My agent mentioned how beautiful the writing is and instead of feeling satisfied I am afraid she might soon realise the crap I’m writing. I don’t know if it’s editing fatigue or something else (I do have a habit of editing for hours or even days straight without taking a break), but I’m starting to second-guess myself.

I keep wondering if I should just give up on it completely so I don’t embarrass myself further down the line. I know it sounds silly, especially since I used to love this manuscript, but now I feel like every single sentence sucks! I can’t help comparing my work to that of popular debut authors and feeling ashamed, thinking, And then there’s my work…

Hello! This is my 4th attempt at a query letter. Hopefully, I've addressed all of the criticisms offered in my previous posts, including the main character (Linias) coming off as generic and mostly a blank slate. Please let me know if there are any lingering issues or new issues I've created in my edits. Thank you!

1st attempt: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1wt2c2b/qcrit_beyond_the_light_of_god_epic_fantasy_adult/

2nd attempt:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1x03hz1/qcrit_beyond_the_light_of_god_epic_fantasy_adult/

3rd attempt:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1x614d6/qcrit_beyond_the_light_of_god_epic_fantasy_adult/

Dear [Agent],

BEYOND THE LIGHT OF GOD is a 115,000‑word epic fantasy novel. It will appeal to readers of Richard Swan’s The Justice of Kings and John Gwynne’s The Shadow of the Gods, blending morally complex characters, mythic forces, and the brutal realities of war.

Linias has spent his life striving to restore his disgraced family name by earning a place among the empire's order of elite warriors who are blessed and favoured by the Stargod. Fueled by anger and resentment towards his arrogant peers, he cares little for his people's religion or war of conquest, but joining these renowned ranks offers his best chance to reclaim the honour and respect his family once commanded.

Eager to showcase his prowess and silence his detractors, Linias is sent to the edge of the empire, ordered to subjugate one of the last peoples still resisting imperial rule: bestial humanoids dwelling within a vast, haunted forest. But when a reconnaissance mission ends in a brutal ambush, Linias is left wounded and alone behind enemy lines. Captured by the Lightless, mythical enemies he was raised to fear, he expects torture or death. Instead, he discovers that these supposedly demonic figures from history are flesh-and-blood people with fears, loyalties, and scars of their own. As the Lightless expose him to the suffering inflicted in the Stargod's name, Linias begins to question the religious doctrine he'd been taught.

While travelling through the forest under the protection of the Lightless, he meets the reluctant heir to the last free human nation. Burdened by the responsibility of saving her people, the princess has journeyed halfway across the continent, hoping to ally with the xenophobic forest dwellers before both of their peoples are conquered by the empire. Witnessing her selfless determination to save two nations on the brink of extinction inspires Linias, further fracturing his already strained loyalties.

Wracked with doubt, Linias must choose between his blood and country and the people he was taught to hate. If he cannot find the strength to defy the Stargod and help unite the last two nations standing against it, the world will be consumed by the ruthless god he once served.

I hold a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, which I put to great use while working in the IT department for an insurance company. I currently reside in the windswept [LOCATION] prairies with my wife, twin girls, and two cats.

My fiction has recently appeared in [PUBLICATION NAME], [PUBLICATION NAME], and [PUBLICATION NAME]. My short story, [STORY NAME], received an honourable mention for the [AWARD NAME].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Dear (agent),

What happens when you marry the monster you always wanted to be?

As heir to the throne of Imara, Margaha considers her worthiness self-evident. The gods who fated her to rule are not in the habit of making mistakes. But they aren’t the only ones with an opinion on who should wear the crown, and there are those who see her pride and ego as dangerous flaws.

On the journey to marry her consort, Margaha’s carriage is attacked by a monster and her companions killed. The only weapon she carries is her marriage ring, enchanted with a bonding spell. With her fate bound together with the monster’s, he can’t kill her. But his appetite for violence now races through her own veins. To Varas, his hunger has always been a curse. To Margaha, it’s a weapon to use against anyone who stands in her way.

When she returns to the palace, she finds her father is dying, the victim of her mother’s apparent suicide attempt via their own marriage bond. It seems that someone has plans for Margaha, and has cleared the path to the throne for her. But now that she has upset their design by marrying the wrong man, they are watching her closely, eager to use her growing penchant for bloodshed as evidence that she isn’t fit to rule—or even to live.

The Second Hunger is a 75,000 word dark fantasy novel with elements of horror and romance and a setting inspired by pre-Islamic Persia. It will appeal to readers of Shannon Chakraborty’s City of Brass trilogy and Shelley Parker-Chan’s She Who Became the Sun.

Comments: I finally have it down to three body paragraphs, whew! This meant cutting out a few turns of phrase I particularly liked, but I hope it’s a stronger (and quicker) read now. Fingers crossed, and many many thanks to the users who gave me feedback on previous versions, which was immensely helpful and which I’ve done my best to implement.

Hello! I am requesting any and all feedback on my query letter. I have revised it extensively and sent my first batch of queries. I also am working with a new title and wanted feedback on it. Any suggestions are much appreciated!

Dear Agent,

I hope you’ll consider THE CLANS OF TERRA: FIRE AND SAND where Caius, a disgraced fire-wielder, and the sire's rebellious daughter must save their clan from losing its power firever. It is an adult epic fantasy with romantic elements, complete at 80,000 words. This manuscript combines the thrilling, high-stakes world building of THE FINAL STRIFE by Saara El-Arifi and the simmering, close-proximity dynamic of THE LEGENDS OF THEZMARR series.

All Caius wants is to be the strongest firecaster of Clan Volcanis. But he suffers in isolation, branded a killer after a mistake he made killed half of his clan. As the weakened Volcanis run out of pyrelux, the source of their firecasting powers, Caius accepts the desperate commission to search for it, hoping to trade a discovery for his honor. He does not count on Vira, the sire’s stunning and rebellious daughter, to join him on his travels. Their growing attraction is complicated by a revelation: Vira cannot firecast, and she has been hoarding her own pyrelux. To Caius, her secrets threatens everything he has sacrificed to regain his honor. But before he is able to act, Caius discovers they are not just on a mission. They are being hunted.

Behind them, Sire Ignus pulls the strings. Orchestrating a conspiracy with the mysterious Clan Desertum, Ignus ensures that Caius and Vira will never return to challenge his rule. As Caius and Vira’s enmity turns into unexpected passion, they must survive Ignus's betrayal and fight to save Clan Volcanis from losing its fire forever.

THE CLANS OF TERRA: FIRE AND SAND is a multi-POV debut novel. While it stands on its own, I would love to expand the world through future novels that follow other clans. I hold a X degree in English and enjoy X. I reside in X with my two feisty, lovely canines.

Thank you for your time and consideration. My Name

Second go here. I tried to implement most of the feedback I got on my first post. I’m still a bit stuck on a pacing comment I got with the “they start dating” sentence but it’s on my radar to tweak. I also apparently can’t give up Normal People as a comp, but moved it down to serve more as an editorial comp, though on second thought I can likely delete. Thank you in advance!

THERE IS NO THERE THERE is a 77k-word dual POV upmarket novel where the yearning of Caleb Azumah Nelson’s Open Water meets Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors against the backdrop of the opioid epidemic in the American South. 

When her estranged dad dies suddenly, Chloe leaves the Peace Corps and returns home to an oak-lined college town in North Carolina—a place she has long avoided. Driven by guilt that she didn’t repair the relationship with her father, she decides to stay and serve as the executor of his estate, swapping rural vaccine clinics for familial duty and too many cereal options. One summer night, Chloe finds herself fighting boredom in a bar, where she meets Forrest.

A corporate dropout, Forrest is working as a bartender and trying to kick an inconvenient, mostly hidden, painkiller addiction. Forrest’s humor and charm provide an antidote to complicated grief, while Chloe’s drive and empathy offer him the hope of change. They start dating and decide to move to New York together if Chloe gets into grad school. The night he meets her family, Forrest overdoses, bringing all his skeletons to the surface and turning their relationship on its head. 

While Forrest undergoes the hellish effort of getting clean, Chloe is confident she can support him. A relapse finds Forrest living in an abandoned church, a situation he tries to conceal until he’s miserable enough to ask for help. While Chloe attempts to house him and find an outpatient program, she starts missing application deadlines. The coup de grâce to their relationship occurs when Forrest goes on a bender and disappears during her brother’s wedding. Chloe realizes she may not be able to help him, and Forrest realizes how close to death he could be. To get out, to get anywhere other than there, they must let each other go. But relinquishing control is rarely so easy. 

With the complicated dynamics of Sally Rooney’s Normal People, THERE IS NO THERE explores addiction and life’s transitional periods. 

I have a master’s degree in specialized journalism from the University of Southern California and my nonfiction has been published in National Geographic, Bustle, Narratively, and more. I currently live in ______ with my husband and two-year-old, _______. When I’m not writing or reading, I love traveling and long-distance running. Thank you for your time.

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your previous support with my last draft. Here’s an updated one, crafted with your helpful comments. Looking forward to hearing the discourse, and TYIA!

—

Dear [AGENT],
Matt Whitlock has spent years trying to forget the horrors of Pines Hollow Island. But
when his mother's terminal illness draws the twenty-four-year-old writer back to his childhood
home, he discovers that the nightmares he thought he'd escaped have only gotten worse.

Teenage girls are disappearing, and the islanders blame a serial killer they've dubbed the
Sandman. Matt suspects something far older: revenants, cursed seventeenth-century settlers who survive by drinking blood and stealing human skin. He encountered these creatures as a child,
barely escaping with his life. Now, they're emerging from the woods again, hiding beneath the faces of the island's residents.

Determined to uncover what's happening, Matt reunites with the childhood friends who
survived the revenants alongside him. Together, they begin investigating the disappearances,
while Matt's girlfriend, Maria, digs into the island's colonial history, uncovering the origins of the creatures and the curse that transformed them. But as their investigation deepens, Matt begins to suspect that the horrors plaguing Pines Hollow are connected to something much closer to home.

With his mother's condition deteriorating, Matt refuses to abandon her, even as the island
grows increasingly dangerous. When the ferry system shuts down, leaving them stranded, the
revenants are no longer horrors he can simply run from. And as the disappearances continue,
Matt must confront the possibility that someone he trusts has been helping the creatures all
along.

To save Maria, protect his mother, and escape Pines Hollow alive, Matt must unravel the
relationship between the revenants and the island's missing girls. But the truth threatens to
destroy everything he believes about his family, and reveal how far someone will go to keep a
loved one alive.

Complete at 100,000 words, REVENANTS is an adult supernatural horror novel that will
appeal to readers of Cullen Bunn's Bones of Our Stars, Blood of Our World and C.J. Tudor's The
Gathering. Its atmosphere of decaying seaside nostalgia and ancient, lurking evil will also appeal
to fans of Apple TV's Widow's Bay.

Hey everyone. I’ve decided to finally reach out to this lovely community for help. At 88 rejections (I know those are baby number but goddamn it suckass), I’m starting to wonder what I’m doing wrong. Any advice is appreciated!! :

I am seeking representation for THE SERPENT’S DAUGHTERS, an adult fantasy about two sisters whose search for their missing parents exposes a history their village was taught to forget. Complete at 105,449 words, it combines the culturally rooted fantasy and persecuted communities of Tasha Suri’s The Jasmine Throne with the dangerous journey, political danger, and romantic tension of Danielle L. Jensen’s The Bridge Kingdom.
In an isolated village where names are earned through a first kill, twenty-five-year-old Red Wing has trained under her father to one day lead their people as Cheif. While out foraging, her younger sister, Soft Fur, spots smoke rising above the trees. By the time they race back, their village is burned to ash and their parents gone; leaving behind only a scrap of foreign cloth as a clue.
With no trail to follow, Red Wing leads Soft Fur toward the river settlement their mother spoke of in childhood stories, hoping to find answers among its people. Along the path, they are ambushed by a wildcat and saved by Zazerian, an outsider with sharp daggers, easy charm, and an unsettling difference about him.
When they reach the river, they find the settlement abandoned except for Myrtle, an eccentric healer who reveals a shocking truth: their villages destruction was no accident. Knights from a powerful Kingdom called Illunar, are systematically clearing the land and erasing entire villages before they can be known. And the stories their mother told of creatures and distant worlds were not stories at all; they were warnings.
To reach the Kingdom of Illunar and rescue her parents, Red Wing must venture through an unfamiliar world while keeping her sister safe. While also deciding how much she can trust an exiled knight with blood on his hands—even as an undeniable attraction begins to take hold.
As Red Wing and Soft Fur are drawn deeper into a world of political power, and shocking truths, survival begins to demand recognition that not all paths lead to rescue, but to reckoning.

-Bio-

Hello! I've been messing around with this query for a few weeks now and I've hit a wall. I seemed to have reached that point where I can no longer tell what's right and what's wrong. This is my second time querying after the other book got only automated rejections, which I assume is mainly because the query sucked (the book sucked too probably). Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

----

Dear [AGENT NAME],

Twenty years after the Chosen One’s assassination, his power awakens in two unlikely heirs: Solus, a condemned thief wielding the Sun recruited by the Light, and Luna, an abused nun whose Moon magic makes her a weapon of the Shadow. Recruited by opposing sides of a holy war, they are destined to be enemies. But then they begin sharing visions of one another.

Solus steals from the powerful to help the poor, but all that earns him is a noose around his neck. When strange new powers free him, the Light recruits him to fight the rising Shadow. But while he enlists to help people, the Light is ruthless and uncaring, refusing to defend a town besieged by the Shadow. Solus does it anyway, even if it brings his tutor’s wrath, knowing that if he doesn’t, the town will fall.

Luna knows well the cruelty of the Light. She is being punished for disobeying the fanatics who raised her as the Shadow attacks their monastery. As her Moon power erupts, she kills the captors who oppressed her. But her display draws the Shadow’s attention. Davian, leader of the Shadow, offers sanctuary for her crimes. She accepts, and as training makes her powerful, Davian is impressed, luring her close. But she soon faces hard truths as the Shadow demands she massacre innocents. If she defies the Shadow, she’ll have nowhere else to go. If she doesn’t, she’ll become the monster they want her to be.

As their shared visions draw them closer, Light and Shadow collide over an ancient relic that could end the war, and Solus and Luna try to claim it. But as their hands touch, the relic explodes and plunges them into a lost realm beneath the world.

THE CHOSEN'S HEIRS is a completed, 95,000-word adult epic fantasy with a romantasy heart. It pairs the sheltered-heroine-meets-dangerous-power dynamic of The Serpent and the Wings of Night and the thief-turned-hero charm of The Lies of Locke Lamora with the enemies-to-lovers tension of The Hurricane Wars.

I have published poetry and short stories on my Substack, and I have over five years of experience with copywriting and marketing.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Getting to the point within the first paragraph now, trying to focus on the emotional beat/throughline of the character through an anthology-like story, all per last suggestions.

Dear Agent,

The Hungry Wizard is a decorated food blogger writing for years in local editorials about the latest dwarvish delicacies and gnomish names in cooking, but his appetite for a magnum opus grows beyond the confines of a column. He embarks on a food quest funded by a seedy wagon magnate to experience and review five of the land’s greatest restaurants. He chronicles the quest in his journal and calls this work of gastronomic travels The Hungry Wizard’s Dining Guide. He wants to reach the hearts of people in a way he has trouble with in person.
Relatability isn’t his issue. He’s always charming and keeps a good story in the proverbial spellbook, though he doesn’t quite grasp close relationships. Craving another hit of what he would consider intimacy, the first stop on his quest is with Tereana, one of two real friends he has at all. They share sarcastic gestures and drunken tavern songs better than feelings.
Tereana’s once lovely vineyard is now a troubled landscape blighted by a dark haunt. Ever the debonair, worldly gentleman, he keeps an eye out for trouble but continues on with a wine flight and small talk. The tasting is rudely interrupted when a hag reveals herself and tries to poison Tereana. After some errant fireballs in the rafters and many a toppled chair, he successfully slays the witch. But, Tereana is hurt, and her vineyard is in ruins. The Hungry Wizard offers only to write an advertisement for her in apology, and she kicks him out.
He finds himself on the road again, alone as usual though he’d call it ‘solo’, with a sack of shame for how he handled the business at Tereana’s. His journeys to all the award-winning restaurants are similarly mired by unfortunate circumstances. A blue bridge troll with dastardly riddles to answer, a screaming horde of goblins after a pregnant woman, and, truly the worst of them all, an awkward confrontation with his ex. 
When he is forced into a traveling party through a dangerous cavern to reach the Sundered City, he is forced to confront his solitary ways and learn to connect with his new companions if they are to make it out alive together. He finds the restaurants in the end worth the perilous journeys, with avant garde dishes and alchemical cocktails abound, but he ultimately decides to skip the last restaurant in favor of treating and thanking those he met along the way.
THE HUNGRY WIZARD’S DINING GUIDE is a cozy fantasy epistolary novel complete at 77,000 words. A famous wizard and food writer journals about his travels to review some of the land’s most prestigious restaurants in five collections. The personal conversations and tropey fantasy world filled with regular people will appeal to readers of  “Can’t Spell Treason Without Tea” by Rebecca Thorne and “Legends and Lattes” by Travis Baldree. Readers and watchers of “Delicious in Dungeon” by Ryoko Kui will fawn over the magical narrator that would make a favorite drinking buddy of Hoid from Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere and Alton Brown.

Thank you for considering THE HUNGRY WIZARD’S DINING GUIDE,

Me

There was recently an agent (one of a few on my list) who opened. Their coworkers at the same agency were closed and didn't look to be opening any time soon.

I sent my query, but then sometime afterwards one of their coworkers updated their MSWL and it matches much closer to my manuscript.

How bad does this look on an aspiring author if they withdraw from the first to send their query to the second? What if the second passes, is it perceived as bad if I then return to querying the first (this is not a no from one is a no from all agency)?
Or am I missing a standard procedure for this?

Hi all, thank you so much for the feedback on my last two drafts

link to 1st attempt here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1wxla8m/comment/pdyr72j/?screen_view_count=6
Second here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/OIMZWtysFx

I've really tried to take it on board, make it more propulsive and clearer while highlighting how my FMC drives the plot. I’ve also moved the housekeeping to the top

——

Dear X

I’m excited to share WHEN THE RIVER'S READY a 78,000 word an upmarket thriller with supernatural suspense. Steeped in Welsh border mythology, it will appeal to readers who loved the creeping natural dread of Danielle Giles's Mere, the supernatural mystery of Daisy Pearce’s Something in the walls and the rural English domestic horror of Lucy Rose's The Lamb. 

I'm submitting to you because [personalisation].

Lily has spent her life living up to a dead hero. Her father, Edward, drowned saving her pregnant mother from the river that encircles Elmchurch, and Lily now works for River Safe in his honour. So when Darren’s body washes up, no one expects Lily to be the reason he went under.

The police quickly rule the death misadventure, but a stranger, Neil, comes to River Safe claiming he can prove it wasn’t an accident. Fearing he has something that could point to her, Lily follows him and breaks into his home. Inside: years of research into Hafren, a spirit who takes justice into her own hands, and claims that Edward was no hero. She’d call Neil insane, if it weren’t for the unknown woman outside her window, at her dad’s grave, and in her nightmares. 

As more bodies surface, the police close in, and Lily must use all she knows of the river, and uncover the truth about her father to unmask the real killer. If she can’t, she'll end up in a cell or the water before the week is out.

[Short bio]

Below are the first XXX pages and I’d be delighted to send you the full.

Warm wishes and thank you for your time,