I can’t believe I get to write one of these but…I got an agent!

Stats:

Started querying: 31^st July

First offer: 9^th October

Queries sent: 85

Rejections: 36

Requests: 18 (10 pre-offer, 8 post-offer)

Offers of representation: 3

Bonus stats I was interested in when querying:

Average time between a query and a request: 7 days

Longest time between a query and a request: 6 weeks

Time between first offering agent requesting full and offer: 2 weeks

Number of agents who requested this project after requesting the first: 2 (and one is now my agent!)

My experience / thoughts:

I have been writing my whole life and this was the second book I queried. The first, last year, got 6 requests for a similar number of queries. The biggest difference this time was the speed of responses – I started getting full requests from the first few queries and form rejections much, much faster (they only trickled in after a couple of months last time). I also got quite a few referrals onto other agents this time – 7 overall – which made me think that I was onto something, although a bit worried it wouldn’t find a home! I paid for a Query Tracker subscription which was 100% worth the money and I dithered over Publisher’s Marketplace but in the end went for it and I’m so glad I did – again, definitely worth it. I took into account agent profiles / websites, manuscript wishlists and then checked that against QT data & PM stats to create my list. I intended to batch but then when I got two full requests quite quickly I decided to just smash them all out when I had time. I mostly queried in August and then again at the very start of October when some closed agents opened to submissions.

When I got the first email asking to set up a call I nearly threw up. I didn’t know it was an offer so naturally deep-dived on here and managed to convince myself it was probably going to end in nothing. I was honestly shocked to get a call as at that point I had had four passes on fulls in quick succession, all saying similar things (“love the writing but not sure how to sell it”) so wondered if I had simply written an unmarketable book. Obviously, that may well be the case and it could flop on sub BUT I then got lovely feedback from the three offering agents and it’s gotten me this far at least.

From the first offer to now has felt like a whirlwind. I nudged everyone with a full and an open query. The post-offer requests came in over the first couple of days after nudging and I then did a gentle nudge on fulls a couple of days before the deadline which shook out the third offer. I had imagined being in this position would feel amazing but I actually felt quite stressed out by the whole thing!

The first two agents offered on the call itself while the third offered via email first as I was quite close to the 2 week deadline and we chatted afterwards. Each call felt very different and there was a lot to think about in order to make a decision. I made lots of notes on the calls and ensured I had my list of questions in front of me (I’m so glad I followed this advice as my brain short-circuited and I would have forgotten everything without prompts!). There was a lot of conversation from all three about future projects, not just this one, and I also talked about books a lot – both ones in my genre and other stuff I have read recently - but then, I am an avid reader so I tend to talk about books a lot with everyone when possible!

For what it’s worth, I think the query letter doesn’t need to be perfect; in fact, I’d go so far as to say it is impossible to write a ‘perfect’ query. On the same day I got the email asking for a call, I also got a rejection to a query that basically ripped my query and sample pages to shreds so make of that what you will!

It’s worth noting I have zero writing credentials, do not have much in the way of social media and have no links to publishing or anything to catch anyone’s attention other than with my writing. I hope this is reassuring to people like me who are concerned you need to be an influencer-type or have some incredible achievements under your belt to get noticed! You don’t! I am also UK based and while I had a fairly even split of US and UK agents requesting, all three offers were made by US/Canadian agents. I see on here UK writers asking about querying US agencies and it’s definitely worth a shot!

Anyway, a massive thank you to this sub! I have lurked here religiously since I decided to start querying my first project and it is an absolute goldmine of information. I was not brave enough to post my query but used all the advice and critiques on here to write it.

Best of luck to everyone querying or gearing up to query! And I will definitely be continuing to visit for support once I’m on sub - which, frankly, sounds more terrifying than querying! Ha! I cannot believe I have an agent!!!!!

Posting again for feedback -- thank you!

A sin-eating witch has thirty days to atone for a dead man’s sins or lose her magic, and the last debt on the list is his son she's falling for. 

SINFULLY YOURS is an adult paranormal romance featuring a plus-sized lead, complete at 80,000 words. It’s perfect for lovers of the chaotic big-hearted heroine in Laura Piper Lee’s Doomsdate and the delicious forced proximity of Joss Wood’s Summerween, with a heavy dash of British charm from Sangu Mandanna’s A Witch’s Guide to Magical Innkeeping.

Constance Winters failed her witch certification exam, which is how she ended up eating funeral food off strangers’ coffins for a living. As a sin eater, she takes on their wrongs and makes amends on their behalf so they can rest in peace. Then she’s handed the job of a lifetime: every sin Walter Carlson ever committed and a payout big enough to open the school she’s always dreamed of, a place for witches like her who were told they’d never be good enough. She has thirty days to atone or she loses her magic for good. 

The contract also means living in Walter’s house, where his grumpy and handsome son Fynn makes it clear she isn’t welcome. As far as he’s concerned, sin eating is a racket rich people pay for so they don’t have to own up to their mistakes. But then he makes her a deal: he’ll drive her to every sin she has to atone if she gives him access to the father he never knew. 

Somewhere between road trips and good wine, the witch who has never been in love and the man who can’t forgive his father stop pretending what’s between them is only a job. But then Connie uncovers the sin Walter buried deepest: a lie about Fynn's mother that has shaped his entire life. To keep her magic, she has to tell him. To keep him, she can't. 

[about me section]

Does anyone have any querying or rep experiences with Curtis Brown UK?

I'm in talks with quite a few agents, and agencies tbh, but I'm seriously considering an offer from an agent at Curtis Brown. But I'm also a US author so I'm not sure if it would be the best choice or not?

Any tips would be great or experiences would be great!

Giving this one more shot. I know the word count is very low for a debut, but I'm going to try to publish this as a novella with a niche horror press instead of doubling it with filler.

~

Dear [EDITOR]

PERSONAL CONNECT SENTENCE THAT EXPLAINS WHY I WANT TO QUERY THEM

Amy Hirai has been desperately looking for a fresh start ever since her fiancée’s overdose. Now she’s got three of them: a temp teaching job at Meiji University, a chance to rebuild her relationship with her semi-estranged brother, and a new home at his guest house in Tokyo. 

While developing coursework in genocide studies in the hopes that she’ll be able to extend her work contract, she assumes she’s discovered a centerpiece: her grandfather’s war diary from World War II. What she doesn’t assume is what translating the book will do to her: she starts seeing a ghostly, adolescent version of herself in the faces of strangers, blacks out for hours on end, and is kept awake at night by the sounds of terrified children screaming from downstairs. 

Unsure if she’s being tortured by her mind or something supernatural, she feels the hauntings intensify with each new detail that confirms her grandfather’s participation in war crimes. When an especially violent blackout lands her in a psych ward, she’s left with an unthinkable dilemma: be complicit in hiding her grandfather’s atrocities and sacrifice her best chance to establish her career, or continue exposing the truth at the risk of alienating her relatives, losing her freedom, and destroying her remaining grip on reality. 

BOX OF STONES is a literary horror novella complete at 46,000 words. It combines the dark yurei-style haunted house elements of Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw with the multi-generational folk-horror themes of Kylie Lee Baker's Japanese Gothic.

I felt a need to write this book due to the personal relationship my life has had with the material. I'm the direct descendant of an Indonesian child survivor of Japanese war crimes during WWII, and yet I've also lived in the same Tokyo neighborhood where the story is set while studying at the university where the protagonist teaches. Given the alarming forces pushing atrocity denial into the mainstream, this project is designed to scrutinize that historical revisionism in a format that horror readers will understand and identify with.

Please find my submission below in accordance with the guidelines posted on your website/queryme/etc. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

-NAME

Thanks in advance - my manuscript is done and I'm thinking of querying - this is my first novel.

Dear [Agent Name],

For eighteen years, Meredith Carter has lived two lives.

Every night, she falls asleep beside Ben, her husband of seventeen years, in the Memphis home they share with their four children. And every night, she wakes in another house beside Theo, another husband, with two children of their own. Meredith remembers both lives, but only when she is with Ben. When she wakes beside Theo, the other life disappears from her mind like a dream.

Meredith has spent nearly two decades believing that is exactly what it is: an impossibly detailed recurring dream. Then, at forty-two years and eighty-three days old, she sleeps straight through the night.

The second life is gone.

She grieves a husband and children she cannot prove ever existed, until she sees Theo standing at a Memphis bus stop. Except the man wearing Theo's face calls himself Ted. He has no wife, no children, and no idea who Meredith is. Then Theo begins appearing inside Ted for hours at a time. His first words to Meredith are: You left us.

Theo's children are real. They believe their mother disappeared without a trace. And the paintings Meredith left behind depict a house, a husband, and four children from the life she thought was real.

As objects, memories, and eventually entire places begin slipping between the two versions of Memphis, Meredith, Ben, and Theo discover that these are not parallel worlds. One is an eighteen-year-old fold in reality, created by a few lost seconds on a park trail. And the fold is coming apart. The only person holding Meredith's world together is the husband who accidentally created it.

To save the people she loves, Meredith will have to discover why reality split around her in the first place—and what it will cost to put it back together.

MEREDITH, TWICE, complete at 83,000 words, is adult upmarket speculative fiction with a strong romantic core. It will appeal to readers of Holly Gramazio's The Husbands for its alternate-life domestic premise and Adrienne Young's The Unmaking of June Farrow for its emotionally charged lost-life mystery. At its center is not the question of which husband Meredith should choose, but what makes a life real, and what love looks like when saving someone means agreeing to be forgotten.

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello again everyone :)

This is probably the smallest amount of changes I've made between versions, which I'm hoping means I'm making progress? Either way, thank you to everybody who's commented/helped so far! I appreciate it very much. I've tried to trim more YA sounding language and cut some proper nouns this time around for a more streamlined query that I hope is more in line with the tone of my actual book.

Dear [Agent],

The Weight of a Soul (117,000 words) is a completed high fantasy novel about two siblings' mirror quests for identity. I believe it would sit nicely on shelves next to The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri, for its psychological character analyses, and Gods of The Wyrdwood by R. J. Barker, for its continent-spanning worldbuilding. 

Reed Thomas dreams of greatness. The city he calls home has been under siege by wooden monsters, known as Vagrant, for six long years; as he has come of age, he has only known war. With two beloved siblings who serve as decorated members of the city’s volunteer militia, Reed vows that when he turns eighteen, he will enlist and become a hero like them.

Reed’s childish fantasies vanish when his brother is killed in a brutal Vagrant siege. Adrift in his grief, Reed distances himself from his loved ones as he becomes obsessed with ending the Vagrant occupation of his home. As he is stewing in his hatred, Reed experiences a magical communion with an unlikely companion: the princess of the Vagrant. She tells Reed that he was the target of the Vagrant’s savagery on the night his brother was killed; a prophet foretold that Reed would one day kill the Vagrant queen, and ever since, she has obsessed over Reed’s death. 

Using a mixture of the princess’s words and his own embellishments, Reed convinces his sister to send him halfway across the magical continent of Tirra-Bron in search of a power capable of allowing humanity to win their war against the Vagrant. As he searches for the key to avenging his brother, Reed is constantly forced to choose between his duty and those who he purports to love. After leaping from atop waterfalls, riding on the backs of creatures larger than castles, and eventually discovering a world-altering power within himself, Reed is eventually forced to question if the sacrifices he made to become the person he set out to be were worthwhile.

[Personal Info]

Sincerely,

Mendellian

Thank you again for the prior feedback. My first attempt is available here. I’ve since taken the recommendations to heart and made updates to my letter below. 

------------------

Dear [Agent]:

Dr. Cole Andrews is a family man who deeply loves his pregnant wife. He will kill her in three days.

Cole is living his dream: he works as a physicist, leading a team of scientists conducting government-funded research into the possibility of time travel. But when he is shot by a mysterious assassin who always seems to know his next move, the attack triggers a perilous chase through Columbus, Ohio. What Cole doesn’t realize is that his pursuer is himself: an aging Cole Andrews from the future. In the wake of the pursuit, a family friend is murdered and the police target Cole as the primary suspect. Confronted with Cole’s lies and DNA found at the scene of a homicide, even Cole’s wife is growing convinced that her husband may be a murderer.

Cole discovers some of his most sensitive research has been stolen and questions who he can trust. As desperation sets in, he is no longer the man who would spill his every secret when his wife utters the word pineapple. Now he is lying to her. He buys a gun (he hates guns). He befriends a backwoods bar patron with a distrust for authority. With the police closing in, Cole unwittingly races against himself as the two men seek to protect their family from the danger posed by the other. But as the pressure mounts, Cole’s spiral risks turning him into the very threat he is running from.

[Personalization] LAST REGRETS is an adult speculative thriller, complete at 76,000 words. The novel will appeal to readers of high-concept thrillers with family stakes like Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter, as well as stories featuring an everyman on the run, such as Joseph Finder’s The Oligarch’s Daughter.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

-------------------

300 words - Prologue

Dr. Cole Andrews had never fired a gun before that moment. The grip felt foreign in his hand, the violence of the recoil unexpected. He stood paralyzed as the smell of gunpowder began to fill the room. His hand trembled as he dropped the gun, watching as it struck the hardwood floor with a quiet thud. Watching as it landed beside his wife, crumpled below his feet, body contorted in the most unnatural of ways.

Blood had begun to pool around her body, oozing its way into her beautiful, long brown hair. Dr. Andrews sobbed as he pulled at his hair in disbelief. He fell to his knees, burying his head against her as he pulled her lifeless body into his arms. His tears fell onto her floral dress, the one she had worn at her cousin’s wedding last year. It was a wonderful night, with friends and dancing and too much champagne. Never again.

Andrews’ gaze turned to his wife’s stomach. Her pregnant stomach. He sobbed harder, clutching her with both hands as the blood continued to seep through her dress.

They were entering the third trimester. He was so close to finally meeting their baby, his son. The child they had waited so long for.

They had laughed off the idea of a kid for years, even as family would persistently ask when they would try. “I’m so busy with work right now,” Andrews would say, before his wife would joke that genes as good as his shouldn’t be wasted. All while flashing her beautiful smile. The smile that Andrews had fallen in love with. The smile that he swore to honor and protect.  

But in an instant, one split second, it was lost. All of it. 

-------------

The prologue continues before flashing back 3 days to begin Chapter 1.

I again welcome any feedback, including whether the update to explicitly include the speculative framing works. Thanks again!

Hi! I'm finally posting here after lurking for ages. I intend to initially query in the UK, where from what I've seen agents prefer a shorter summary. I've seen many places say 200 words and my summary portion is exactly 199 words haha. So I might not have much room to expand, but please point out anything you think can be cut or simplified. I tried to transmit voice/tone as much as possible, but it's possibly too much lol.

Any and all input is welcome, thanks in advance!

----------------

((personalisation)) I’m pleased to share THE WAYWARD SISTER, an 88,000-word fantasy mystery about a streetwise witch who solves supernatural crimes while protecting her teen vampire brother.  Perfect for fans of mystery set in a unique fantasy world, such as in Robert Jackson Bennett’s The Tainted Cup and Premee Mohammed’s Wickhills, the acerbic lesbian protagonist might also appeal to readers of P. Djèlí Clark’s A Master of Djinn.

Ruth Penrose, an unregistered witch, is unusually skilled at finding people who don’t want to be found. She knows what it’s like to live on the run— her brother is a vampire, stuck forever in adolescence, who Ruth must keep hidden from the authorities. The latest haven for the Penrose siblings is the industrial island city of Colpoole, where Ruth decides to put her talents to use as a private detective so she can fund her brother’s unique dietary requirements. She quickly lands her first case: a missing witch named Isla Rathbone.

Before she vanished, Isla worked as a magical nurse, administering haemoglobin injections to local vampires to prevent attacks on the human population. By digging in places she probably shouldn’t, Ruth learns of an affair between Isla and one of her patients, a rebellious “vamparchist” squatter, as well as uncovering threatening notes from a cheesemonger with a grudge against the undead. When Isla’s boyfriend reveals he turned her into a vampire, it’s clear this job won’t be the easy money-spinner Ruth had expected. Isla’s unlife may be at stake, but Ruth’s priority is keeping her brother safe, and she must decide whether it’s worth getting involved at all.

((bio))

I've had about 25 form rejections and 1 request for full, followed by a personalized rejection. My main question is comps, because none of my choices are newer than 1995 lol. I'm open to any and all feedback, and I appreciate your time.

Dear [Agent],

I’m delighted to present to you my literary coming of age novel THE WHALE SWAM ON, which is complete at 77,770 words. With lyrical prose and an introspective look at what it means to incorporate rather than bury a traumatic past in the journey of healing, this book will appeal to fans of The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides, The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger and All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, and will sit on shelves alongside them.

Marie Blake, 12, lives in a barn in rural Indiana with her three younger siblings. After the sudden disappearance of her mother, Marie and her siblings are left at the mercy of their physically and sexually abusive father. Every day is a question of survival. While playing in a part of the barn forbidden to her, Marie finds a business card hinting that her mother may be in Los Angeles and, after watching her four year-old brother Verne suffer a particularly brutal beating, resolves to leave the barn and her father to find her mother. She and Michaela, 10, agonize over this choice. Michaela has accepted the abuse, as well as the lies her father tells them about the danger of the outside world. Marie can’t shake the feeling that something better is out there.

After a harrowing escape resulting in the theft of her father’s truck and the unintentional abandonment of the youngest child Joshua, Marie and her other two siblings travel across the country. Marie learned to drive from watching her father. She’s had to be both sister and mother to her siblings. Will her resourcefulness and love for them be enough to deliver them to a life free from abuse? Is that glimmer of hope Marie sees the dawning of a better world, or a mirage at the precipice of an abyss as harrowing and bottomless as the one they’ve left behind?

My name is [Name]. I’m 27 and live in [city]. Although I’m an avid writer and have written several novels and dozens of short stories, THE WHALE SWAM ON is the first for which I’m seeking publication. A close friend’s struggles with rural poverty inspired the writing of this novel, and with it I hope to show those with similar experiences that a better future is possible. I have a BA in Psychology from [School] and have worked extensively in social services, where my experiences have deeply informed my writing of adversity and trauma.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

[Name]

Been many months since I an updated, so not exactly sure how many I've posted. (I delete most of my posts). Thanks in advance for feedback.

Dear [Agent],

SEE. SPOT. RUN. is a 90,000-word YA science fiction novel with thriller and romance elements. It will appeal to readers of Darkly by Marisha Pessl and The Singular Life of Aria Patel by Samira Ahmed.

Sixteen-year-old Melissa Miller sees things that aren’t there. Squiggles, spots, animals. A toad on her chest in the medicine cabinet mirror. A koala on her mom’s shoulders. A bull on Brett's chest, as distracting as his cleft chin. They all arrive with headaches.

The medication her taciturn, armed father drops off used to work. Used to. Not anymore.

“Alcohol may increase effects.” Challenge accepted, Small Amber Bottle. 

But she’s finished the gin from the painting shed, and the convenience store won’t sell her more.

The useless drugs? Not so useless, when they’re swapped for experimental ones. The animals vanish, because they were never there. Her brain put them in place to save her from madness. Melissa isn’t hallucinating. She sees beyond the visible spectrum, a trait she probably inherited from her mom. That makes her one in a billion, and worth more with her eyes out than in.

Now her dad has been arrested for stealing that medication, her mom is missing, and an FBI agent says Melissa’s DNA was stolen and sold to human traffickers. Cue the kidnappers. Cue the deadly side effects. Still, seeing through walls is useful when you’re hunting for a mother who ran away, or was kidnapped, or both.

Escaping the kidnappers herself? Not likely, unless Brett (he's blind, btw) steals the gun from her house, tracks her through a rideshare app, and trips them with his cane. All of which he does. The first kiss follows. Too fast, but it will have to do.

Does her life get dark? Yes. Will the girl who sees too much and the boy who sees nothing stay together? Not telling. Will she trade her eyes to keep her mother from being dissected? Absolutely.

Bio: [...]

First attempt

Managed to cut the MS down to 100k finally. I know the title is not great, but I'll work on that later. I've sent this version out to about 15 agents so far and have had 3 full requests but I still want to make sure this is as tight as I can get it. Querying UK agents right now.

Dear [AGENT],

Thirty-year-old Georgia inherits half a mustang sanctuary from the father who abandoned her; the other half belongs to the man he raised in her place.

ETXEA (the Basque word for home) is an upmarket dual-POV novel, complete at 100,000 words, set among the Basque-American ranching families of northern Nevada and the rain-soaked fields of the Peak District. It will appeal to readers of Charlotte McConaghy’s Once There Were Wolves and Roisin Maguire’s Night Swimmers, with the emotional ache of Nicholas Evans’s The Horse Whisperer. At its heart is a question: can you grieve a father who was a good man to everyone but you?

Georgia can talk a traumatised pony out of a dealer’s lorry in the pouring rain, but three hundred and nine letters never earned a single reply from her father. He walked out when she was ten, and she hasn’t asked anyone for anything since. Now he is dead, and she flies out meaning to sign the papers and be gone within a week.

Waiting for her is Cal, a roundup contractor and surrogate son her father raised in her place. His large Basque family kept her father a seat at their long Sunday table for twenty years. Every one of them has heard about the daughter who refused to call. A mining company wants the valley, and its offer would save her struggling rescue back home. All she has to do is sign.

Then a helicopter drives wild horses into Cal’s pens, among them a bloodied grey mare her father watched for eight years and never caught. Georgia stays to gentle the mare, alongside the one man who knows how, and who wants her gone. She learns that Cal has spent years fighting for a kinder way to bring wild horses in, and slowly his family set a place at their table for her too. They teach her their word for home, etxea: the house, the people in it and the ones who came before. For the first time since she was ten, Georgia has what she always wanted and never dared ask for: an etxea of her own. Soon she is on her feet at a packed public meeting, defending the man she once despised, and falling for him in a way she can’t afford.

When her own horses are given weeks to leave their fields, the mine’s money becomes the only way to save them. But selling would drain the creek that keeps the sanctuary alive, and destroy all Cal has left of the man who raised him. Refusing would cost the valley the jobs some of Cal’s own family are counting on. And it would cost Georgia everything she has worked for, to save the life her father built to replace her.

[PERSONALISATION]

[SIGN OFF]

I am writing to you to pitch my novel Uncommon Lodgers, an upmarket historical fantasy complete at 78,000 words.

An amnesiac consciousness awakens in the body of a new-born kitten in late Victorian South London with no idea what exactly it is. It may be a spirit, an accidentally summoned demon or even just a remarkably eloquent cat. Regardless, when it is delivered into the care of the young and brilliant but chronically ill Peg, she quickly names him Wolly after the proto-feminist writer Mary Wollstonecraft.

Together the pair begin to build a small but peaceful life in their attic sanctuary. Yet the walls won't hold back the fast changing world forever. Because Peg's suitor Gus reeks of want alongside his love, even as he speaks of anonymous donors and great works, and the lodging house residents grow ever more suspicious of an unmarried woman with a black cat as a companion. It's a lot for a little Wolly and a struggling artist to think about, especially when there are toes to chase and bills to pay...

When their leafy suburban garden is sold off to a mysterious developer who begins the noisy work of building a great mansion, Wolly and Peg learn to communicate and work together in the face of traumatised ex-soldiers, radical saboteurs and whispering demons with promises of great power.

For the residents of the lodging house must soon decide how far they will go to protect what they love, while Wolly wrestles with an existential choice and inner demon of his own. But - more importantly - when will Peg return with the fish?

Uncommon Lodgers will appeal to readers who enjoyed discovering the world alongside the amnesiac narrator in Susanna Clarke's Piranesi, the non-human philosophical observations and themes of loneliness and illness in Kazuo Ishiguro's Klara and the Sun and the occult-tinged Victorian atmosphere of Sarah Perry's The Essex Serpent.

Uncommon Lodgers is my debut novel, although I have been a professional copywriter and part-time journalist for more than a decade

____

I know agents don't like rhetorical questions, but I do (lol) and I hope this works. Please let me know if that could really be a deal breaker and my darling should die and be replaced by the alternative version, or whatever else you think about this query attempt. Thanks!

Query below! I'm struggling with stakes and how to include voice / specificity without tons of extraneous details, so feedback on those two would be especially useful.

Dear [agent],

Karin’s emptied her savings and driven her mostly functional pickup truck all the way to Houston, only to discover her job offer has fallen through. She can’t possibly ask her new roommates to front her rent, so she applies for a job at Houston’s pro soccer team. The job is a parade of red flags, from the requirement to drive around their new player to the boss who cannot remember her name, but the paycheck makes up for it.

Patrick's been loaned to the Houston Thunder from his Bundesliga-winning team, and he’s counting down the days to get back to his far superior home team and his hospitalized twin sister. Everything annoys him: Karin's duct-taped pickup truck, her terrible taste in music, and worst of all, her habit of calling football soccer.

Karin will be damned if she lets one grouchy man get in between her and this paycheck. If she brings him coffee every morning in a sparkly thermos, it's just to troll him. Same if she makes mixtapes for their morning drives. She can't possibly fall for a professional athlete, especially not her boss.

The longer they spend together, the more Karin sees the private Patrick – the one who calls his sister every morning and sends gifts for Karin’s roommates. As Karin builds a life and career in Houston, she falls for him. But admitting her feelings would mean losing her job – and Patrick’s only in Houston on a loan.

ONLY WITH YOU is a 85,000 word slow-burn romance. It has the slow burn of One Golden Summer and the warmth and found family of The Name Game. I grew up in [a relevant location] and now live in [a somewhat relevant location]. I write a travel blog with more than forty thousand monthly readers. 

Hello all, I am back again at another attempt! I'm still in the midst of editing and thinking to query sometime next year, but I'm getting ahead of myself haha.

It's been almost a year since my last attempt and I now have a better idea of what my storv is. I've tried incorporating past feedback (reduce proper nouns, focus on 1 POV vs 2, etc).

Dear [Agent],

I'm pleased to submit for your consideration A MANGROVE OF GHOSTS, a 105k-word dark fantasy novel inspired by Southeast Asian folklore. Perfect for fans of Shannon Charkraborty's *The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi* and Sunyi Dean's *The Girl With a Thousand Faces*, it features a grieving mother's journey to resurrect her daughter that descends into visceral body horror reminiscent of Cassandra Khaw's *The Salt Grows Heavy*.

Ever since her daughter died at birth, Suriya has searched far and wide for a sorcerer to bring her back to life. For now, she's a hantu--a malicious ghost that terrorizes the archipelago.

Most sorcerers are swindlers, or worse, hantu hunters like herself attempting to slay her child. But when Suriya hears rumors of a pirate-sorcerer Jaberu, who has mastered the art of transferring souls to living flesh, she takes the chance and sails the seas. If her daughter's soul is transferred to a new vessel, can she live and breathe again? Her quest intertwines with a young sorcerer apprentice, Warih, who claims to have known this sorcerer, and that his father's disappearance is tied to him.

As they move in Jaberu's pursuit, Suriya realizes she's not the only one. There are many like her seeking Jaberu to resurrect their loved ones. However, it becomes clear that he never intends to bring anyone back. Driven by revenge against the sultan, he exploits their grief to amass souls, using them to raise a sea monster long thought to be dead. Past secrets surface from the depths, tragic tales that eerily reflect Suriya's and Warih's wounds. They are forced to contend with their regrets and question their place in life--whether closure is ever possible--before their home is destroyed for good.

[Bio]

Thank you for your consideration.

Hi! After revising my query from the first attempt, second attempt, third attempt, and fourth attempt, I'm back with another attempt.

I'm really grateful to everyone who has given me feedback so far. Especially grateful to u/forgetfulelephant65 and u/hedgehogwriting for their help in the DMs ❤️ :)

I would like some general feedback, as well as answers to specific questions I have:

1. Is the plot clear? Do all the elements work together or do they feel disjointed?
2. Are the emotional stakes strong enough?
3. Do you feel curious about the story in a good way (like you'd pick this up in the romance section of a bookstore or request a full if you were a literary agent) or in a bad way (being confused about wtf is going on)?
4. How do you find the tone? Is it fitting for the genre?

Any feedback touching on something not mentioned is absolutely welcome!

Dear [Agent],

Given your interest in [PERSONALIZATION], I’m excited to share LOVE ME, LOVE YOU, my 71,000-word adult rom-com. Love Island meets the destination wedding backdrop of The Ex Vows by Jessica Joyce in this single POV, dual timeline story. It will appeal to readers who appreciate stories where the setting is also a character like in How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang. 

Stuck at a weeklong destination wedding with the ex who dumped her on a dating show, risk-averse bridesmaid Grace Amobi can’t stop questioning whether love, or the romance-themed podcast she hosts, is meant for her. She’s ready for something new, but with the studio's time-bound offer to extend her contract, she’s scared about what it would mean for the only career she has ever known. Things only get more complicated when her bestie, and bride-to-be, blindsides her with news regarding the wedding: the ex from said dating show is filling in for the suddenly “unavailable” best man.

Mohan Pillai is still the same man with a dimpled smile who charmed her three years ago on the set of Love On Lock; a dating show where the prize is true love. Then, he was guarded, but she fell in love with him anyway because he could understand her in a way no one else could. So when he dumped her on national television, it shattered her heart and her ability to trust her own judgement.

Now, Mohan has gone to therapy, and is finally able to say everything he couldn’t back then. Being around him reminds her just how well he knows her, and Grace finds herself falling, once more, for the man she swore never to speak to again. As the wedding festivities fly by, and with time running out for her to give the studio an answer, Grace is forced to wonder if listening to her heart will be a risk worth taking.

I am a debut author with a certificate from NYU’s summer writing program, and an obsession with reality TV. I live in the DFW, but I long for a rainy city. In my free time, you can find me juggling between amateur photography, endless crochet projects, and working my way through my never ending reading and viewing lists.

Thank you for your consideration,

[WRITER]

I'm feeling decently good about this one, so with that said, I'm ready for it to be torn apart! My big focus with this edit was to try to move away from the synopsis style my previous versions had, so hopefully I achieved that. Thank you in advance for any and all feedback, I greatly appreciate it!

Dear [Agent]

I am seeking representation for MERROW, a standalone adult fantasy complete at 107,000 words. I think you might be interested in this project as it [personalization]. It will appeal to fans of TJ Klune’s UNDER THE WHISPERING DOOR and Julie Leong’s THE TELLER OF SMALL FORTUNES.

Beneath the glacial waves of Enea, Nerissa isn’t aging. Others insist it’s a gift, but there isn’t much to live for after her fiancé Dylan died decades ago in a work accident. Only routine keeps her from drowning in grief and years. Then Blanche Child, a Witch and Dylan’s former employer, reaches out for the first time since he died inviting Nerissa to a party. Despite having no desire to attend, she suspects Blanche covered up Dylan’s true cause of death, and this party is her chance to investigate. She RSVPs yes. 

As an aquatic species, the transition to land is brutal, and uncovering information at the party isn’t simple. Blanche guards her secrets behind a mask of philanthropy, and Nerissa’s social skills lack subtlety. So when Blanche’s son breaks into her room intent on stealing Dylan’s engagement band, Nerissa proposes a deal: borrowed use of the band in exchange for information. He agrees, revealing Dylan died while attempting to help him escape, and it wasn’t an accident. 

Nerissa’s vindication is short-lived. She’ll need more than a minor’s statement as proof. Dylan’s engagement band is the key to locating the evidence, but she must decide if knowing the truth is enough, or if she will further entangle herself with the Child family, traveling beyond the familiar tides she has always called home and risking the same fate as Dylan. Time has never moved so quickly, and for the first time since Dylan died, all she wants is for it to slow down. 

[Bio]

All the best,
[Name]

Link to my first attempt:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1vof7re/qcrit_merrow_adult_fantasy_108k_1st_attempt/

Link to my second attempt:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1vupw7e/qcrit_merrow_adult_fantasy_108k_2nd_attempt/

Link to my third attempt:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1x66kma/qcrit_merrow_adult_fantasy_108k_3rd_attempt/

Hello all,

I'm testing out a query and need a little bit of guidance. Without the bio it comes in around 350 words, is that too high?

-----------------------------

Dear Agent,

Parasite X Bad Summer People

I’m excited for you to consider my XXk thriller, RATS & ROACHES. It mixes the lavish lifestyles and moral privileges of wealthy people as seen in Emma Rosenblum’s Bad Summer People with the dangers of individuals being in over their heads as seen in Rachel Koller Croft’s Stone Cold Fox.

While Callie Hall is breaking into the home of a wealthy family whose property she oversees, she stumbles onto a dead body floating in the pool. Her year-long plan of slowly weaving herself into the private lives of her residents had been going perfectly until this, and she isn’t prepared to let one dead body ruin it all. 

Jaylen Richards has been named as the new head pro for Palm Lotus’ tennis club. An underachiever, he’s more interested in flirting with the married housewives and rubbing shoulders with their cocky husbands, than dedicating himself to his craft. With his career aspirations long gone, and his life going nowhere, a little fun with a few well-connected people wouldn’t hurt.  

What no one at Palm Lotus knows is that Callie and Jaylen are siblings, and their jobs in the community are anything but coincidence. Jaylen thought it was silly; befriending these people to get “in” with them. But then he saw her plan; the man responsible for signing off on the life insurance policy of their late father is one of the residents, and a damning document that potentially incriminates them in his death has been sent to his address. With that family away for the summer, and the rest of the community firmly in their palms, this is their chance to erase that evidence and make sure these privileged fools get a dose of their own medicine. 

As the calming voice of reason, Callie’s role as property manager has provided her with a means of knowing all of the secrets of the neighborhood; and Jaylen’s charismatic nature has crossed several lines, leaving him with plenty of leverage. What started as a way to protect their ticket to a better future has turned into a dangerous game of power and control. 

I’ve worked for several years as the Director of Tennis at a country club and have seen all sorts of eye-opening behaviors of the rich and affluent. As a former behavior therapist, it has been a fascinating experience to view under a different lens, and has left me with plenty of real life experiences to draw from. 

---------------

First 300:

The booms and jeers from the party instantly faded as I closed the door behind me- hurricane proof windows can do that. My adrenaline was pumping, but at least I felt some relief being inside, and out of sight. There was an eerie calm as I looked around the sweeping foyer, and out to the moon-kissed pool that glistened ahead of me. I didn’t notice it initially and instead dashed behind a stone bar and slid my hand against the remote that controlled the automated blinds, slowly closing them shut. I just wanted to be hidden. Standing next to the sliding doors I could hear a few muffled roars, and the thumps of what sounded like a Sabrina Carpenter song, but I turned my attention to the main floor of the home that was now shrouded in darkness. Any temptation to turn on the light from my phone was quelled by the risk of drawing any attention to the home, especially because the Moros’ weren't due back for another week, and I had no business being there. The only choice was to work my way around the home in the dark, letting the small slivers of dusk guide me around. I’d studied their floorplan for months, in preparation, yet I felt nearly blind as I tried to familiarize myself. It was strange, because this moment had been planned for over a year, from that very first party and his loose-lipped drunken honesty, but I was riddled with both fear and excitement. My heart was pounding and my nervous breathing became the only thing that I could hear.

I made my way to Joseph Moros’ office, which was at the end of a walkway lined with smiling family photos on either side. Then it hit me- the object that my eyes had only moments ago ignored. I knew what I’d seen; what my eyes wanted me to ignore; what my mind tried to erase. The dead body.

---------------------------

I have another version that focused more on the neighborhood itself and the impact the dead body has on the two protags, but that version lost the "why" (their late father/ the inheritance). I feel like this direction gives them more agency, and explains their motivations, while still dropping hints at their underlying tensions of the story itself. Is that working?

Keeping it slim, but are you getting enough to get a picture in your mind? Too many characters mentioned? Leo and Henry get the most screentime, but I don't know if that's coming across or even if it should. I've got no novel publications, so not sure if the personalization at the bottom is meaningless.

---------------

GROUNDLINGS (adult upmarket contemporary fiction, complete at 76k) combines regional Philly grit, the family dysfunction of Jami Attenberg’s All This Could Be Yours, and the dark humor of Margo’s Got Money Troubles.

The Triple Horn has thirty days to live.

That's the verdict from a slick consulting firm after they take one look at Leo Murphy's decrepit dive bar in Delaware County, PA. Instead of turning it around himself, Leo outsources the task by leaking retirement rumors to his four adult children. Each of them assumes it’ll be theirs, and they’ll tear the family apart to get it:

·Henry, the smartass stepson with a grudge, tries to prove Leo stole the bar using a forged will.

·Liz, the eldest daughter, encourages her bartender husband to steal the title deed by force.

·Emily, hot-headed and underestimated, packs the house with deafening metal bands to remake the bar in her own hard-nosed image.

·Deedee, black sheep and dancer at a gentleman’s club, resists Leo’s bait and instead demands his respect.

As the month progresses and the siblings’ schemes collide, the bar becomes a battlefield, turning GROUNDLINGS into a foul-mouthed, big-hearted dark comedy about a family racing the clock to save the one worthless thing they can’t stop fighting over.

I’m a Delco native with a doctorate in Composition & Applied Linguistics and I taught college English for ten years. My credits include the Herald: Lovecraft & Tesla graphic novel series (twice optioned for television), the children's book Scientists A to Z, and narrative for video games. I also wrote/designed Crowns & Castles, a tabletop RPG that debuted as a gold bestseller in its first month.

Hi everyone,
Long time lurker first time poster.
This is my first attempt at publishing and my first attempt at writing a query.
I am still unclear about what genre I'll end up pitching this under as it feels like a cross genre, however any feedback is appreciated please be harsh, I'm a marshmallow but I need to hear it and want this to be a successful query process.
_~~
Dear [Agent]
I am seeking representation for THE LANGUAGE OF MONSTERS, a 92,000 word adult fantasy [still debating]. Heavily inspired by Greek mythology this novel is set in Post Revolutionary Olympus, where the demigods rule. [insert comps]
‘In Olympus We Defend’ was the oath Klaude Mykferos swore as she graduated the most prestigious school in Olympus. And just two weeks after graduation, her definition of that very oath is being tested. The two things she cares about most in her life have been labeled monstrous after a deadly accident leaves a demigod dead.
Raised in a prominent family, Klaude has never escaped the expectations society has laid out for her, she has fought and denied them. The friend of a Neried, the local sea nymphs that killed thousands of demigods, she often wished she’d been born with fins.
When a creature kills a demigod it’s just the start of the chaos in Terenesis, the coastal island in Olympus. Pretty soon animals are showing up dead, and demigods are falling ill. Klaude suspects they’re all connected, but in order to find out how she’ll need the help of the most monstrous thing she can imagine: another demigod.
As the clues stack up, Klaude remembers her oath, In Olympus We Defend, and she must decide what it truly means to defend Olympus.

[Insert Bio]