I am planning on starting submissions with the below query letter. I want to get some last feedback on the below to ensure there is nothing missing or obvious mistakes in which case I will try again. This sub has already been very helpful reading other people's queries so hopefully it will all work out haha.

Dear Agent,

My name is [Name] and I am seeking representation for City of Heaven, a 120,000 word multi-POV novel with series potential. This book is about a victim of war, seeking justice and fighting against being forgotten by the victors in a modern world with magic. It will appeal to readers of Red City by Marie Lu who enjoy deep, complicated relationships between enemies and to those who like the intersection of government and magic in Grave Empire by Richard Swan. (Personalization)

Nails’ mother and home were lost, caught in a final battle between the hero Elliot and the Dark Lord. The Republic lied about what happened, erasing her from the story, to preserve an idealised image of the Republic’s heroes. 

Nails gained powerful magic afterwards but also a desire for revenge against those who destroyed her life. On election night, Nails goes to a party to attack Elliot, but fails and barely escapes.

She is rescued by a mysterious stranger, Robert Taslow, who offers a deal. Nails will kill influential, famous people in the Republic who have broken the law by hiding their own magic, and in return Taslow will help her find her parents. She eventually accepts, angry at the corruption by those at the top of society.

She justifies her actions by blaming the Republic for taking everything away from her, but when she kills a father in front of his own child, the guilt eats away at her. But if Elliot catches her, then she will never be reunited with her mother. 

This would be my debut novel. I was inspired to do this story while I was completing my Masters degree in International Security and Conflict studies and imagining what would happen in the aftermath of a war, specifically those who end up being ignored. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear [agent name]

I am seeking representation for BLACK CAT INN, a 60,000 word standalone literary fiction novel. It is a character driven love story about a young woman named Addie, told through the eyes of the men who fall for her. [Personalised agent section.]

Ray’s best friend Addie is dead. In the middle of the night, wrought with grief, he retraces his memories of how she trained him in mixology. As a cocktail bartender, Addie teaches Ray her recipes and, more importantly, how to charm tips from patrons' hands. As Ray nosedives through combinations of liquor and syrup, he falls head over heels for her. But Addie is an impulsive spirit with an explosive temperament, daydreaming through life and clinging to fragments of her stolen girlhood. 

That's when Charlie, a sensitive and shy bartender, catches Addie’s eye. He's mesmerized by her, but his jealous and obsessive tendencies alarm Ray. Charlie and Addie crash into a whirlwind love affair, their painful pasts mixing into an infusion which can only spell disaster.

BLACK CAT INN combines the dark romance of Angels by May Lietz with the relationship drama of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark. I worked with [publishing company] on a fairytale anthology in 2020. I am mostly a playwright, having written for [theatre name] and participating in their writer’s group. 

Thank you so much for your consideration,

[My name]

I took a step back and spent some time working with others and getting a synopsis together. I think I might be putting a bit too much pressure on myself with this whole querying thing. Anyway, here's attempt four.

I appreciate any feedback you folks have. Feel free to link me your latest attempt so I can return the favor.

Dear [Agent],

[Personalization]

Medieval sorcery meets The Mummy (1999), ORDER OF ARCHEUS follows the sole survivor of a once-sacred mystical order and his struggle to exist among those who will always fear his kind. Complete at 97,000 words, this multi-POV adult dark fantasy will appeal to fans of the character-driven journey of T. Kingfisher’s Nettle and Bone and the gritty atmosphere found in Daughter of Crows by Mark Lawrence.

For ages, Hatham has obeyed crowds and councils alike. As the last known magi, an all but extinct order of scholars with an affinity for magic, toppling walls and quelling rebellions at least spared him of anything worse. In truth, however, he never served to spare himself alone.

Not all of Hatham’s kind were destroyed — there is one other. One lost to madness who he took an oath to watch over. When Hatham refuses a contract to eradicate the innocent victims of a plague, those asking try their luck with the amulet known to cage this cursed being around his neck instead. In an attempt to prevent these men from unleashing chaos itself, Hatham ends up overloading the very bonds he swore to uphold.

With the undying, tormented soul of his kin free, Hatham turns to Signi, an old flame and talented crafter of all things imbued. She’s reluctant to repair the creature’s shattered prison — even more so when it gets her dragged along to the palace for a royal summons. Desperate to at least lead the fallen magi away from the city before it can return to power, Hatham and Signi concede to the council’s demands. Together, they agree to make for the warfront and the armies pledged to aid them there.

Assurances aside, the nobles have already turned against Hatham once ... he’s not so sure the spears aren’t meant for him. He must put an end to the dark secrets of his order before men turn on him once and for all.

I live in [place] where, over the past few years, I’ve turned my passion for dark fantasy, horror, and coffee into the hobby of re-writing. I would be proud to claim ORDER OF ARCHEUS as my debut.

Thank you in advance! (270 words)

Dear [Agent]
Solanar dreams of calling the city of Shimmerbreak her home, the only problem being that she’s a gorgon. With a snake tail instead of legs, a frankly irresponsible number of ferocious hair-snakes, and the ability to magically enslave someone as easily as glance at them, everyone just sees a monster, not the soft-spoken, empathetic soul she actually is. Shimmerbreak’s promise that anyone is welcome is sealed by a gem for each race, but when Solanar slithers in, they wish they‘d added some fine print. 
Then the gem representing gorgons is stolen. Solanar, along with Aveline, the hot-tempered wedding scryer she accidentally kidnaps, chases the stolen promise to the literal end of the world. There they discover the gem is the key to a conspiracy to annihilate Shimmerbreak. Solanar must choose whether to risk her life to save a city that may never accept her, or else return to a lonely existence in the wilds while the only place she might have belonged is destroyed.
SHOOTING STAR is a fantasy comedy of 87,000 words. It is a standalone story, with potential for an expansive series. It wields the dry, witty voice of both the timeless Discworld series and the more recent Crypt Currency. Fans of Brigands & Breadknives’ blend of adventure and humor will love SHOOTING STAR. Solanar isn’t named in the pages until Aveline finally starts seeing her as a person.
As an American living in Germany, I sometimes feel like a gorgon trying to fit into society. Solanar’s emotional journey draws heavily on my own experiences being a fish out of water.
Thank you for your consideration.

I have a few specific questions:
1. Should I mention that I have a screenwriting degree/background? I'm worried it might be a red flag to some agents. ("Oh, this guy doesn't understand novels. Screenwriting is completely different.")
2. I'm considering changing "wedding scryer" to simply "wizard." The former has more flavor, but perhaps isn't immediately clear.
3. Not sure if comping Discworld is okay. I was advised that it could be okay as a "vibe-comp" if I have strong "market-comps" too.
4. Would it be okay to change "Crypt Currency" to "Orconomics"? The first book in the series is way more successful, but was originally published in 2014. However, a new edition was re-published in 2024. Does that overrule the age limitation?
5. Not sure about the warning about the protagonist's name. I was advised to include it.

First 300:

At the top of the world, on the shore of enormous Dragonfly Lake, in the heart of the sprawling city of Shimmerbreak, history’s most important tourist approached the Tranquility Fountain. 

A market barker shouted for her to buy his souvenirs, but fell silent when she passed and he saw her venomous, green skin. A pickpocket instinctively sidled behind her, his back to her, only to discover in a most unpleasant way that she lacked not only pockets, but legs altogether, having instead a giant snake tail that slithered menacingly over the cobbles. The pickpocket spun around, coming face-to-face with a bundle of vicious vipers where her hair should have been, then fell backward and scrambled away. Citizens fled the stalking gaze of her yellow, predator eyes, and children bawled at the gleam of ravenous fangs protruding from every mouth on her writhing head. 

The gorgon reached the edge of the Tranquility Fountain and gazed out at it, putting a clawed finger to her lip. Unlike her, the fountain was world-renowned. Its reputation even exceeded the towering spire of the city’s magic university and The Duke's elevated, acres-large menagerie.

Many before her had heard of the fountain’s astounding tilework and cascading waters, then traveled thousands of miles, braved untold dangers, disregarded the university and menagerie, pushed through the crowds, and been met with the sight of a pool of water not eight feet across, with crumbling tiles and a lazy trickle of water from only two of its three spouts. And then they had returned home and told all their friends about the Tranquility Fountain’s astounding tilework and cascading waters. But this tourist was not here for sightseeing.

She turned away and saw Peace Officers assembling in a semi-circle around her, spears and crossbows leveled at her. Beyond them, terrified civilians clambered over each other to escape the plaza.

Seeking representation. Revised per feedback. Comments welcome.

Dear [Agent],

Sophia Martinez wakes with dirt under her nails and a promise she didn't ask to keep. Her mother led the last ships from a dying Earth to Verdis, a healed world offered by an ancient intelligence called the Warden. A fraction of humanity left. A fraction of those arrived. Each loss, a choice made for a few, not for all. Her mother died within a season, leaving Sophia one job: keep these people alive.

Sophia finds a message in the roots of the last tree a vanished people cut. Twelve thousand years ago, the Kalari lived on Verdis, where a piece of the Warden lies buried in the core. They stole its blueprints and built food-synthesis arrays for themselves alone. Activist Kaelith Solvaris fought to stop them and lost. The arrays killed them all.

Drought hits, and Sophia's people vote to build the same arrays. She has one vote and a warning nobody trusts over an empty stomach. She wins, and rain returns.

No world has ever refused the Warden. It offers Sophia the same power. If she takes it, she ends hunger forever and decides what a generation not yet born will become. If she refuses, she sets their limits as surely.

Sophia refuses both. She merges into the planet's consciousness and offers her people the same choice, forcing it on no one. Her oldest friend Wren will not follow. Wren leads those who stay human and mortal, never sure whether that was courage or fear.

VERDIS is an 88,000-word literary science fiction novel, a standalone. Like THE ACTUAL STAR and HOW HIGH WE GO IN THE DARK, it braids two timelines.

I bring a background in physics to VERDIS.

Thank you for your consideration.

Hello,

I'd asked for a query crit for this novel a year ago, but I've since made significant changes to the MS to warrant a re-write of the query. Sort of struggling for comps, so the house-keeping bit is sort of a placeholder for now :)

Any feedback is appreciated!

Dear agent:

When ballots are bugged to identify who voted for whom, its up to the most politically-exhausted kid in the nation to stop the genocide of those who voted blue. 

I am seeking representation for RUN BOY RUN, a 110,000 word speculative fiction novel with series potential. It will appeal to readers drawn to the fast-paced, high-stakes action of Pierce Brown’s Red  Rising, as well as fans of the more vulnerable, sensitive protagonists found in Patrick Ness’ novels.

Varrin was perfectly content with his boring life in a quiet suburb of Isle’s capital — until Simariel and her cosplaying classmates burned half the town in ‘the name of the revolution.’  So when Isle’s embattled king finally concedes to the people’s demands for democracy, Varrin votes royalist just to spite Simariel… which ends up being awkward when voters’ identities are leaked… and even more awkward when the king suddenly warns of impending nuclear attack by a foreign enemy, and the two of them end up fleeing the city together.

Bastion is out of range of the enemy’s nukes. It’s also a Royalist stronghold where refugees who voted for the king are let in, and those who didn’t face questions. But Varrin vouches for Simariel… because he’s sort of fallen for her.

Rewarded for his ‘loyal’ vote with a seat in Bastion’s elite Kingsmen Academy, Varrin finds himself swept up in a seductive world of dashing princes and pretty princesses — until his first assignment: deporting disloyal voters in the dead of night.

That leaves a bad taste in Varrin’s mouth. He clearly remembers the king calling for everyone to evacuate to Bastion, not just loyalists. Besides, there’s no way he’s turning Simariel in. Nor the dozens of refugees she’s been smuggling under Bastion’s wall. Each time Varrin races ahead of his peers to warn refugees, he risks being found out. His efforts also aren’t enough. Because once all the disloyal have been deported, the king will deliver his master stroke: destroy every last one of them in an ‘enemy’ nuclear attack.

Varrin can stop the nuke if he can beat his fanatical classmates to become the king’s chosen protégé. But that will require a big catch. A catch like Simariel, and the army of revolutionaries she’s been building.

-First 300 words -

 After the last vote had been counted, after General Primus had been declared president, the names and faces of everyone in Liberty City who voted for his opponent, were broadcast on live T.V.

President Primus’ victory speech was interrupted. “Traitors shall not be spared!” he had just declared, when a torrent of silver stars suddenly swirled in from the side of the screen, sweeping away him and his podium, and leaving in its wake a barrage of bold red lettering that slammed down like bullets — hammering out, BREAKING NEWS — before exploding in a dramatic C.G.I fireball to reveal, like wanted terrorists, Varrin Locke, and Flannigan Daley.

Varrin choked on his beer. Flannigan snorted his out through his nose. Everyone in the pub stared at them. The gang of high-school-seniors, their eyes keen. Their ruthless ringleader, her brows creased. The barkeep was wearing a frown, his regulars had all turned around, and from every nook, corner and cranny of the Lion’s Pride Pub, into which the entire community of Arden had crammed to celebrate Primus’ victory, necks craned, torsos twisted, and eyes narrowed.

\** TWELVE HOURS EARLIER **\**

The Locke family had been proud supporters of the revolution since day one, and no one in their sleepy little suburb of Arden, could say otherwise. From when General Primus escaped the palace with proof of the king’s corruption, to when he fought his way back to it, an army of revolutionaries beside him. Burning buildings, bellowing smoke, batons beating against riot shields. Deafening explosions, screeching sirens, and thundering above this visceral cacophony of chaos — no matter where, or at what time of day — Jorge Locke’s fierce-some commands: “hit them in the centre!”, and “no flank them, flank them fools!”, and “don’t you dare run away, cowards!”

Alright, after my last post about getting zero requests, I’m putting my query letter up for criticism one more time 🙈

I hope you will enjoy my adult, queer fantasy novel THEY WHO KNOW THE OAK, complete at 100,000 words. I believe it will appeal to fans of Blood Over Bright Haven by M. L. Wang for its MC fighting a corrupt power structure, The Book of the Ice trilogy by Mark Lawrence as it's also a nature-centred story with a world tainted by a dark force, and James Islington's The Will of the Many.

As an orphaned outsider raised in an isolated mountain village, Kaed longs to live up to his mentor's training and prove he will be a good leader. But during the ceremony to name him as Druid, the corrupted spirit of the nearby lake appears in human form and expends its own essence to drown everyone he's ever known.

Grief stricken, he follows mysterious footprints into the forest, hoping for answers. When he reunites with his childhood bully Ruarih, they grudgingly journey together to a nearby city only to discover Druidism is outlawed there. Instead, powerful wielders of elemental magic named Thaumaturges rule. Kaed is branded a heretic for his talk of tainted spirits and, separated from Ruarih, flees to the city's underground slum. Here he unexpectedly finding acceptance healing the sick amongst the squalor.

Still seeking knowledge of the corruption that killed his village, Kaed makes contact with a forest spirit. He is horrified to discover that a Thaumaturge has bound the forest and will destroy it for its power. Kaed enters the spirit realm and severs the Thaumaturge’s bond, saving the forest but making himself an enemy of the entire empire. While in the otherworld he discovers the corruption that infected the lake spirit is linked to a human vessel, and he must uncover their identity and stop them before they succeed at destroying all life.

Personalisation bit.

—

First 300w

A cold wind scented of bark and honey whipped around Kaed’s face, colouring his cheeks and billowing his long black hair into chaos. Eyes closed, he chewed the inside of his lip in frustration, trying to focus on his breath. A deep inhalation. A slow exhale. Today was the most important day of his eighteen years—the day that would finally solidify his place in the community—and he needed to concentrate. Bowing grass brushed his hands and he heard the distant sound of lapping water.

But that was impossible. High up on the mountainside he sat well out of hearing range of the lake, cupped as it was in the base of the valley far below. The sound tickled the edges of his senses, keeping his sought-after meditative state at arm’s length. Trying to block it out did no good, the rippling only grew louder, building until it sounded almost like laughter. A laugh that tipped from bright to mocking. 

Panic inexplicably clawed up his chest and he fell from his body, swept away into the current of the wind, toward the source of the sound. The unerring sense of being hunted overtook him. Something lay out of sight, waiting.

Instinctively, he jerked away. 

His eyes snapped open, pupils wide as fear pumped through his veins. The laughter had ceased, as though it had never been, and the vista lay as expected. Mist scraped across the tree-covered peaks—now swathed in the russet and orange of burgeoning autumn—despite the clear early morning skies. A flash of gold below declared the presence of the far-off lònn, its waters distant and definitely inaudible from way up here. He shook his head, pushing the fear away. He was just imagining things, his anxiety about the day ahead riling his mind to invent false threats.

I am delighted to present HOW TO LOSE A MAGE IN THREE WEEKS, a 75,000 word Sapphic Cozy Fantasy Rom-Com with #ownvoices disability rep and a gaslamp aesthetic. Fans of Cait Jacobs' The Princess Knight will enjoy the queernorm world, and it features a grumpy/sunshine dynamic like Violet Thistlewaite is Not a Villain Anymore by Emily Krempholtz. If Gail Carriger wrote a mashup between Legally Blonde and Witch Hat Atelier, it would be this novel.

18-year-old Lenda Goodfellow is a step away from her perfect future: because she ranked first in homemaking school, she’ll get her pick of a husband at her ceremony next week. Her longtime friend Bransom is everything she wants—funny, clean, polite, and rich. Only when Lenda shows up to the ceremony, he’s not there. As it turns out, Bransom has chosen the path of the Light mage. He’ll be taking the exam for the prestigious Light’s Vow Academy in three weeks and won’t be eligible to marry until he graduates.

Furious that her plans didn’t work out, Lenda decides to take the Light’s Vow exam to see what’s more enticing than the perfect wife. She’s never practiced magic before, but it can’t be that hard. Lenda studies with her BFF Kara, a Light mage, until the exam. When she goes to take the test, though, she accidentally performs forbidden Dark magic and sends Bransom into eternal slumber. Unfortunately, only the caster can reverse Dark magic. She’s accepted into Light’s Vow Academy on the condition she reverses the magic she cast, or face exile for murder when he dies.

As she starts her courses, Lenda struggles to keep up with her classmates. She’s better at the Dark than the Light, and with Bransom’s death and exile looming, she can barely concentrate. When Kara steps in once again to help her, Lenda latches onto her like a barnacle. But when Lenda discovers her feelings for Kara run deeper than friendship, and it’s mutual, she must hide her “distracting” relationship with Kara from the stern Academy looking for any reason to exile her if she wants to save Bransom’s life.

hello! coming in with my WIP as I await responses from my fulls for my querying novel(s). i want to see if the query I wrote for this works.
i appreciate all your help!

So, I've come to the end of my querying journey. It's been nearly 6 months, 70 agents queried, and not a single request or even personalised rejection. They've all timed out beyond 3 months now, except for a couple of later submissions who I have very little hope for.

I'm honestly quite mystified and down about it. I had beta readers - both friends and strangers who read the genre - who loved the book (and I incorporated the feedback they did have). I had a trad published mentor who also read it and helped me with my query letter. I workshopped the query letter some more. I worked on my opening pages endlessly. Had another successful trad published author read my query and opening and with some minor tweaks said it was extremely polished. I've been writing for 15+ years, so while it is my first book, this was not my first rodeo (I wrote as a screenwriter for a long time).

I still love my book. I get that perhaps it's not 'hooky' enough for todays market, but can objectively say it's well written, extremely well structured (this is my strength, but sadly, the agents never got to read that far), has strong characters and, I think, relevant and contemporary themes.

I'm probably going to self publish, because I still really believe in it, but I just can't believe how tough all the rejection is. From reading around, it sounds like 90% of queries don't even hit the basics, so it's really depressing that after all this work no agents even wanted to read the whole thing.

Feel free to remove this post as it's not really asking for anything specific, other than some support and community in this tough time of querying! I'd be interested in others' stories of similar situations and what they did with their book too. Putting in a draw to rot just feels like a waste.

Hello, hello, hello everyone! This is my Second attempt at a query letter (Attempt 1)! I have received feedback and hopefully have implemented it! I am aware that there is a book recently published with the same title as what I say in this query letter - do not fret! It is only a stand-in title for the purpose of having something there! The title will be the last thing I do before I officially query!

Query:

Dear (Agent)

I am delighted to seek representation with you for my fantasy novel BLOODBOUND, completed at 84k words. It is perfect for fans of The Sins on Their Bones by Laura R. Samotin and The Gods Below by Andrea Stewart. This novel is the first in a planned trilogy that can stand alone if it needs to.

Jasper is one of the few Casters still carrying magic in his veins. His ability to manipulate the minds of those he lays eyes upon has forced him to live in hiding under Andear Rule, a coalition systemically erasing magic from the face of the continent. With the help of his closest friend, Jasper built a secret haven where he spends his days raising his younger brother, Archie, alongside Casters who have nowhere else to turn, to create a bubble of safety to express their magic without the looming threat of death.

Jasper travels with his brother to bring a stranded group of Casters in the heart of the capital city back to the haven. A raid rips through the building the Casters are hiding within, and Jasper’s sacred bubble of safety shatters when his brother is captured.

Among the Casters, he meets Arklyn, a Caster worn down by a century of hiding. With one of the last surviving warriors sworn to protect the late royals by his side, Jasper and Arklyn forge their way to a labour camp controlled by Andrears, stealing the identities of guards and finding a perfectly curated system to exterminate any type of magic a Caster may possess.

Days pass before Jasper lays eyes on his brother, and the boy he finds has been beaten down by the camp. An escape is risky, and with his brother facing execution, Jasper must decide how far he is willing to push his power to protect what is left of his family, when the world around him wants his kind dead. His ability can turn a person’s mind against itself, and losing control could destroy far more than the guards standing in his way. Even if Jasper gets Archie out alive, neither brother may be able to return to the life they once knew.

I am an Australian Registered nurse. This book is a passion project stemming from a lifetime love of fantasy, history and feeling like the outsider on the periphery of society. This is not the first book I have written, but the first that I hope to publish.

SIGN OFF

First 300 words:

The first thing I noticed about Avaglade was that everyone was smiling. The second was the blood. 
It had been scrubbed from the cobblestones before we had reached the city gates, but not well enough. Dark stains remained between the stones, some old enough to have faded underneath the afternoon sun whilst others were so fresh that the wet patches reflected the light. 
People stepped over them without looking down. Archie looked down.

“Jas.”

I knew that tone. It was the one he used when he noticed something I had deliberately decided he did not need to notice.

“Keep walking.”

“But…”

“Keep walking…”

He did, though he dragged his feet for the next few steps in protest. I tightened my grip on his hand and kept my eyes on the street ahead. Avaglade was enormous compared to the dune-coated wasteland we passed through on the road. Its walls rose from the Drylands like mountains, pale marble catching the afternoon sun, its exterior walls littered with watchtowers that broke the skyline every few hundred yards. Bright fabric banners hung from buildings inside the walls, smaller bunting strung from one windowsill to another. Black and gold banners stretched over the streets and across the windows, and from a distance, they looked almost festive. Almost celebratory. 

I had seen the banners before. I had seen them from a distance during previous hikes, usually from the safety of a cart or the road. I had never brought Archie this close to them before.  The largest hung over the main gate. Thick, heavy, black wool catching the slight breeze rolling in from the dunes.

Welcome to Massacrè

The golden threads of the embroidered words glinted in the afternoon sun and seemed to shimmer whenever the banner moved. Below the shimmering words was a painted hand, smeared red paint baked dry onto the wool.

Hello again everyone! The tips I've received on my previous attempts have been extremely helpful in my query-writing journey so far! I finally feel like I'm approaching a usable letter for when I dip into the trenches soon! I appreciate any and all feedback!

Hello Agent,

Because of [XYZ from MSWL], I hope you will enjoy my novel, THE PERFECT BREAKUP. At 85,000-words, my queer celebrity romance will appeal to readers that enjoyed messy fake-dating schemes like Alexis Hall’s Boyfriend Material, Alice Cochran’s The Charm Offensive, and Liz Bowery’s Love, Hate & Clickbait.

One-hit-wonder, Jasper Devereaux, desperately needs another hit song or his label is going to drop him. Does he want to help rehabilitate a scandal-plagued boybander’s image? No. But the label is convinced that shoving their two problem artists together will fix everything. When it’s done, Jasper can ride his fame to the top of the charts.

Boyband lead Kit Love is the perfect muse for gossip tabloids. His current predicament? He’s front page on TMZ—an HD photo of him passed out on a male stripper’s glistening abs, and a half-done line leading to his nose.

The pair is tasked to fake a love story so annoyingly cute that the entire world falls in love with them. Once they win the world’s heart, they will explode into a breakup so disastrously messy it’ll give Jasper his second chart-topper. It should be easy. Jasper’s reputation is squeaky-clean, and his best friend is the most beloved pop star in the world. Together, they make the perfect recipe to bleach the public’s memory of Kit’s extracurriculars. Except, she has made her hatred of Kit Love well known, and any change of heart will be incredibly suspicious…

Their first few dates go perfectly, as far as the public is concerned. All their bickering is hidden by gritted smiles and cheek kisses. But soon, their “fake” moments happen with no witnesses, and red-carpet kisses lead to bedroom make outs. Jasper just needs to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. It’s all fake, right?

As weeks go by, Jasper learns of an insidious plot bubbling under the entire deal—the label is planning to ruin his career to prop Kit’s up. Is Kit playing him too?

I am a content creator from Houston with over 100k followers on TikTok, talking about all things music marketing. I have a master’s degree in Entertainment Business. When I’m not writing, you can find me buried under my three cats or getting far too obsessed with random media for weeks at a time.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your submission guidelines, I am including [XYZ]

Stacy is the most beautiful girl in the world, and Rob is the luckiest kid alive. They’ve been best friends since they were seven, fell in love at thirteen, and shared a childhood of self-taught guitars and sailing Pacific harbors. A shared future together felt completely inevitable. Until it wasn’t.

HOOKLESS is an adult upmarket novel of 110,000 words. It combines the decades-spanning, bittersweet romantic ache of David Nicholls’ One Day with the intimate portrayal of a relationship’s unraveling in Coco Mellors’ Cleopatra and Frankenstein.

As they enter adulthood, the easy certainty of their childhood gives way to a growing divide. Stacy finds herself drawn toward the evangelical faith and traditional life of her family, while Rob remains secular. Rather than give up the boy she loves or abandon the convictions she is coming to embrace, Stacy tries to make room for both. Through college, she and Rob preserve their relationship in weekends at a coastal campground, holding on to the life they have imagined together even as the lives they are choosing begin to pull them apart.

The illusion shatters at a hometown dinner party when Rob discovers that Stacy has accepted an engagement proposal from a man who shares her faith. Years earlier, Rob bought the engagement ring Stacy always imagined and gave it to her father, so that whoever eventually proposed would give her that ring—even if he wasn't the man putting it on her finger. Now, as Stacy prepares to step into the life she feels called to lead, Rob must face what it means to stand beside her at the altar.

I am an audiobook narrator with a background in law, business, and nursing. My work has given me an appreciation for narrative rhythm, vocal pacing, and dialogue, while my personal familiarity with Southern California informs the novel’s setting. Hookless is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Edit: the world of querying is very difficult and I appreciate how poor this letter is. Thank you for reading, I think my grasp on this kind of thing is stronger than it was before.

(If maybe I should label each section of the letter as others have done, please let me know! I hope this isn't too indecipherable!)

Dear Agent,

I'm writing to you in hopes of representation for my complete 72,000 word novel, WEINWICK, 1998. It's told as a series of letters from Jedidiah Hannon, age eighteen. He writes to his friend Conrad in hopes of respite from his day-to-day tragedy. The world he inhabits is cold and empty, and he is incredibly aware that Conrad's absence has left Jed utterly alone. Jedidiah is doomed to work his life away, losing track of school work after his nightly shifts. His house lies empty except for him and his cat, and has been so since his parents were incarcerated.

Jed survives his hollow world with help from his cynical attitude and this notebook of letters. Though hope sparks when he finds family in two new friends, without Conrad, his life is rigid under the domineering thumb of Jed's cousin and manager, Vincent. But even beyond his cousin's ire, blood and hunger hides in the dark around Jedidiah. Performing his duties, he finds a vandal having broken into the abandoned Poolhouse on the property.

The stranger screams in pain as his body contorts and melts from some freak accident in the dark. Jed can't get the image of the gore out of his mind. What Jed doesn't know, is that something lurks in the water of the Poolhouse. Coming to terms with his self-worth and new found family, Jed has to decide what makes a man and if he can kill the thing that swims in the dark. All of this while he contends with his burgeoning romance with another boy, named Darby.

This story is soaked in the intrigue of small-town horrors, rumors, blood, and monsters. There's no silver spoons, no safety net below our characters.They are working-class kids who can reflect on the reader with a truth in the way their lives proceed.

"My Best Friends Exorcism" by Grady Hendrix was the inspiration for the dynamics between Jed and his three friends, Cindy and Darby. The beautiful way evil comes out in those closest to the main character was heavily impactful in the antagonist, Vincent Hannon. I also looked at "Lapvona" by Ottessa Moshfegh for inspiration regarding tone and visceral horror.

I live in Flagstaff, AZ and I work overnight at Walmart. I am from a small, Arizona town where I had to grow up poor and work since I was thirteen. Realizing that I am gay while balancing the expectations of traditional masculinity was brutal, and much of the time I wrote short horror stories to take my mind off things. This story is deeply personal to me in that my experiences in finding myself are front and center here, and it took a lot of will to reflect on it.

As for credentials, I graduated highschool in 2018 and I've published several short horror stories online, all of which have been adapted with narration by several popular YouTube channels. In fact, this novel was originally one of these. But the story never felt finished, and I wanted to expand the world. "Weinwick, 1998" was a story I've felt scratching at my skull for so many years now, and I'm so proud and excited to release it to others.

I appreciate your time immensely.

Colonel Aram

Hello [agent],

Twelve-year-old Gustava Aurnir, the daughter of a village huntsman, can read when few around her can. She carries memories of black-stone halls, ritual hunts, and armies once under her command, along with a cold contempt for the narrow life around her.

When foreign soldiers sack her village and kill her mother, Gustava leaves with the men who spared her. Grief holds less interest for her than survival. She studies their habits, learns their weapons, and proves useful enough to enter the service of Niklas von Eichtal, a knight who recognizes both her intelligence and the absence beneath it.

Across retreats, campaigns, and six years in Von Eichtal’s service, Gustava learns that armies depend on roads, wages, and fear long before they depend on courage. After helping conquer Velkaryn, she becomes an officer in its occupying army, where unpaid mercenaries and religious persecution are pushing a weak ruler toward collapse.

Gustava begins building power outside the lawful chain of command. She recruits converts, arms burghers, and cultivates informants. With each failure of the city’s new elite, more men find reason to answer to her. Her only real loyalty is to Von Eichtal. Everyone else is measured by usefulness, and those who stand in her way are exploited, contained, or removed.

As Gustava quietly stokes rebellion within Velkaryn and a neighboring kingdom prepares to invade, she must choose between serving a ruler she expects to lose the city or removing him. The closer she comes to command, the more her methods resemble those of Malkrek, the ancient flesh-eating general whose memories she carries. Velkaryn may need someone cruel enough to save it, and Gustava is beginning to believe the city already belongs to her.

UNDER LOAM’S EYE is a 102,000-word adult dark fantasy novel shaped by the strategic logic of Clausewitz’s ON WAR and the statecraft of Machiavelli’s THE PRINCE. It stands alone with series potential. (I include tailored contemporary comparison books per agent)

I hold a master’s degree from X University, where I studied international security. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

(My name)

Hi y’all,

I’m currently querying this project with no requests so far, so I’m seeking feedback from PubTips to figure out why that might be. Thanks in advance!

________________________

Dear X, 

I am thrilled to submit BLOODRUNE (117,000 words) for your consideration. BLOODRUNE is a standalone adult fantasy novel (with duology potential) that combines the morally-gray fantasy academia of Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang with the inventive magic system and grounded tone of The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino.

Alayne Desnell is the most promising student of runecrafting her university has ever seen. When she invents a blunderbuss-type weapon that snaps runestones and creates a burst of elemental energy, the Magisterium condemns it as heresy and orders her to abandon her project. Alayne refuses, deciding that scientific progress should surpass all else. But her progress comes at a cost—Alayne has already inflicted a magical injury on her eye during her experiments, and it's getting worse with each enchanting circle she draws.

Alayne, accompanied by healer-in-training Tomas and a band of hired mercenaries, must make it across the sea to a rival university. All the while, they are pursued by lawful-good guard captain Royce Valhart, who will cross oceans to bring Alayne to justice. She must fight and scheme to evade capture, lest she be handed back to the Magisterium, who will strike her from history and destroy her work. On her journey, Alayne increasingly finds herself turning to violence with her newfound power, and she must decide if her goals are worth sacrificing her humanity and proving the Magisterium right.

I am a queer woman living in Mississippi with my spouse and my dog. I hold a PhD in English from REDACTED where I specialized in medieval literature. My research can be found in academic journals, and my poem REDACTED was published in X. I write sharp, embodied fantasy for grown-up weird girls.

All the best,

Krutoon

[PubQ] There is only one publisher in the city near me (Aus) and they are opening to accept unsolicited manuscripts shortly. I’ve completed three manuscripts and cant decide which is best to put forward. Could I make three separate submissions via submittable? Theres nothing in their guidelines about this.

Dear Agent,

Angela Dunley never felt intimacy until she drank a man’s blood. 
Working at a local gym, she spends her days surrounded by beautiful men she’s convinced would never be interested in a bigger woman like herself. At thirty-five and certain her body makes her unlovable, she has resigned herself to a life of loneliness. 

On the first anniversary of her father's death, Angela stops to help a stranded motorist. Grieving and already raw from a cruel comment about her size earlier that day, she decides he's no different from every other man she expects to reject her. Before he can prove her right or wrong, she knocks him out and loads him into the trunk. Back home, Angela kills him when he wakes and tries to escape. Craving something deeper, she drinks from his neck and discovers true connection. With part of him inside her, he can never leave. Obsessed with recapturing that closeness, she begins luring men home and escalates from drinking their blood to eating their flesh. 

Her carefully controlled ritual begins to unravel when she captures Grayson, a sharp-tongued man she has spent weeks obsessively watching from afar. He doesn’t behave like her usual victims, and discovering he’s a senator’s son shocks her into hesitation. When his disappearance explodes into a high-profile case, her usual routine suddenly feels far more dangerous. Unable to kill him yet unwilling to let him go, Angela keeps him alive. Trapped in limbo together, Grayson slowly breaks down her armor, treating her more like a person than a monster. What begins as resistance shifts into an intimacy Angela cannot name, and the line begins to blur between captive and companion. As the weeks go by, lingering looks and unexpected touches deepen Angela's feelings for the man she intended to consume. Yet she can’t tell whether his tenderness is genuine or simply a way to survive.

As investigators begin connecting Grayson’s disappearance to the missing men, she faces an impossible choice: kill Grayson and lose the man she loves, or let him go and risk exposing everything she’s done. Prison terrifies her, but losing Grayson is worse. 

ALL THAT PRETTY FLESH is a 70,000-word adult psychological horror novel that combines the unsettling sexual tension of Eliza Clark’s Boy Parts with the female rage and cannibalism of Monika Kim’s The Eyes Are the Best Part.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[Signature]

__________________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading and another thank you to those who left me such great feedback on my first post! The biggest take away I got was that the plot was missing too much information, the stakes weren't clear, and even the cannibalism aspect wasn't fully coming through, so I really tried to focus on those issues as well as some other minor tweaking. :)

Hi everyone. I took some time and reworked the letter from this post. Thank you to iampunha for their awesome suggestions.

I'm looking to begin querying this manuscript quite soon, so any advice, thoughts, etc. are much appreciated!

#

Dear [AGENT],

LACERA is a 115,000-word adult high fantasy novel which blends the themes of cultural identity and self-discovery found in Naseem Jamnia’s The Bruising of Qilwa with the creeping terror of disease in John Bierce’s The Wrack. This book follows a woman who has to use a premodern society’s best medical knowledge, and a little bit of magic, to stop a zombie epidemic before it becomes an apocalypse.

Terisa thought she’d have a leg up on the other healers; she’d been treating patients for years. Trouble is, in the city of Invidoma, ‘doctor’ is more akin to ‘criminal’ than it is to ‘professional’. All Terisa’s experience grants her when she arrives at the Theurgic Institute is baggage, mockery, and no help with the debt that threatens to bury her alive.

And when she finally does get the fancy healer’s rune on her shoulder and the magic in her hands, Terisa isn’t exactly sent down easy street. The Lacera Plague, a never-before-seen illness, turns her best friend into a feral, clawing beast, and threatens to do the same to the whole city.

The Institute is blindsided; for centuries, all any healer has had to do is memorize an old codex, and repeat what’s been done before. But once they’re done laughing Terisa’s ideas out of the room, they’re left listless. Their ancient magic only worsens the plague, and turns infected into horrid beasts even faster.

Terisa’s training is cut short as her debt’s creditors come to collect. She barely escapes being held hostage, and returns to an ailing city hoping to whip up a cure to the plague. Once she thinks she’s done it, she shows the Institute her findings. But they dismiss her, giving her rightly-earned credit to a filthy-rich healer with powerful connections.

But when Terisa’s cure falters and she herself catches the Lacera Plague, all bets are off. Nearly the whole city takes a faulty medicine that only worsens the infection in the end. Terisa’s only got days left to live if she can’t make a cure that works for good. Terisa will have to break the rules, work with people she’s learned to hate, and challenge centuries-old wisdom to cut the Lacera Plague down to size.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[Bio]

Dear Agent:

[personalization] I’m excited to introduce you to THE GOBLIN CHAMPION. Complete at 84,000 words, this upper middle grade fantasy will appeal to readers who loved the magic-packed action of A.F. Steadman’s Skander and the Unicorn Thief and the contemporary hidden world of B.B. Alston’s Amari and the Night Brothers.  

Whether it’s the boys in her Scouts troop or her stunted fingers causing her problems, seventh-grader Roshan Azad never hides from a challenge. So when the whole town suspects Roshan’s dad of a devastating attack on his new wife, Sura, Roshan swears she’ll clear his name, with or without anyone’s help. She can’t exactly count on Sura to ID the blistered villain who broke her mind, and only Roshan’s plain-old-human bestie, Noh, buys her dad’s wild story about the attack. 

Because Noh’s secret past has finally caught up with him. 

Guilt drives him to drag Roshan into the hidden realm of Mythloria, where human Champions compete in quests on behalf of magical beings, gifted with unique powers from their sponsors. Sponsors like Noh, AKA His Highness the Lying Fugitive Prince of Shady Goblins.

If only he were also lying about the Tormented, the magical mafia whose bounty hunter framed Roshan’s dad and stole Sura’s soul.

Questing training at a school for Champions, lessons in forbidden magic, and overcoming her deepest insecurities may just prepare Roshan to snatch that soul back and revive Sura (according to Noh’s ancient seer, anyways). But she’ll have to act fast. Sura’s caught in a vicious scheme to flip the magical world’s pecking order, and without her soul, she’ll soon be dead.

To stand any chance of saving her family — and rescue Mythloria from the Tormented’s deadly plot — Roshan must first accept a title that’s been outlawed for ages: the goblin Champion.

THE GOBLIN CHAMPION is my debut novel, and a standalone with series potential.

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

*

A presence creeps into my camping tent. There’s no sound that tags it, or a change in the air. Just a gut feeling. The sort that whispers when you’re walking alone in the woods, warning you that something else is out there too, watching you.

“The Goblin Path leads with light, Roshan Azad.” The wispy voice catches me off guard. “Heed me …”

I drop what I’m doing, eyes fixed on the shadow crawling up my tent’s tan polyester: the silhouette of someone hooded.

Someone grim.

Someone … not-so-human.

“To walk the Path,” says the shadow, “you must save the life of an enemy.”

Lips screwing, I tsk my stuttering heart.

Get a grip, Ro. Evil wraiths only exist in Middle Earth. And they’ve got better things to do on a Friday night than crash a Scouts campout.

“Who’s there?” I ask.

Another Scout’s gotta be pranking me from outside. Some dope wearing a blanket over their head. But, the thing is, they shouldn’t be able to cast this shadow; pines shade my campsite against the sunset.

“Stay the Path, my beacon,” the shadow continues.

“That better not be you, Noh,” I call out.

“Our fate, and that of your family, is in your hands …”

With that strange message, the shadow vanishes.

The tent zips open on my right.

“You’d better hurry up, Ro.” A scrawny thirteen-year-old hunches into the tent. He has ears like jug handles, a hooked nose, and owlish eyes the color of sage. His beige Scouts uniform is the same as mine, standard issue.

“How’d you do that?” I ask Noh, my restless bestie.

“How’d I do what?”

“You know, the shadow.”

“Huh? Me, Noh, the shadow? Why Ro talk like caveman?”

Better question: When picking a baby name that’s pronounced ‘know,’ were Noh’s parents []

Hello all! I've just finished the sixth revision of my second ever novel, and think it's ready to submit. The query has given me quite a bit of grief, however, and I'd appreciate any feedback.

Dear [Agent Name],

[Personalization.]

Calgan Hale has lost track of the wakes spent on his cold slab of stone, tortured by the cult who captured him. Yet still, at the resolution of each wake, when asked where his daughter has gone, he gives the same, weak lie.

Eight years ago, Calgan brought his infant daughter to a king's court, hoping her staggering magical potential would win her a crown. Instead, Lenna's potency placed a target on her head, and the pair have since been hunted by a cult that worships the Aszarcs, alien gods who have forced humanity to forever hide and relinquish the Art.

Then a stranger rescues Calgan from the executioner's block. Walton, a mage and the sole survivor of his secretive steading's destruction. Walton urges Calgan to take him to the Praszarcs, an occult group of mages who defy and seek to overthrow their tyrannical gods. After learning the cultists who hunt him practice the forbidden Art, Calgan agrees in exchange of Walton teaching him the same taboo magic.

To the southwest, the orphan Maye embarks on the same coming-of-age trial that killed her parents. She is only known person born with zero aptitude for the Art, and expects the curse that plagued her childhood will continue. A wake into their journey, her cohort is haunted by a malevolent specter. They stumble into ancient ruins and narrowly escape with an enchanted golden orb. Maye finds Lenna, Calgan's missing daughter, and the bond they build becomes crucial to her cohort's survival. They run across Calgan and the Praszarc mages, and with the golden orb as leverage, strike an unlikely bargain for an escort home.

Even after his reunion with Lenna, Calgan finds little refuge. He is stricken by the same disease that killed his late wife, and has no means to preserve his daughter if it takes him. The cult does not relent, and an invading army marches on the clan he and Maye call home. Walton and the Praszarcs are drawn into an alien world where truths about the Aszarcs, and Lenna herself, are buried. When war arrives, Calgan must decide what lines he will cross to keep his daughter alive.

THE CURSE is a 138,000-word adult epic fantasy and the first of a series. It will appeal to fans of the grim atmosphere and hard-won loyalties in John Gwynne's THE SHADOW OF THE GODS and the fierce family bonds and cathartic payoffs of M.L. Wang's THE SWORD OF KAIGEN.

I am a student studying classical architecture and work as a production designer, with a background as a composer, actor, and dungeon master. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
[Name and contact info]

I do have some specific concerns/questions:

I feel my query is a bit long and summary-like, but I'm not sure how to or even if I should tighten/change it. My book has multiple POVs and a scope akin to a 250k word book, and it's been a struggle to compress that into such a small query.

No surprise, I'm also struggling with comps. There is a temptation to throw in a Sanderson comp with the others, but I know it's generally frowned upon. Though my book does share a lot of DNA with a Sanderson-style book, and I'm not sure how else to convey that.

Finally there is the word-count. Earlier drafts have peaked at 173k and after many cuts I feel the manuscript is tight. I'll probably get lots of auto-rejections but I don't think there is any way around that.

Thanks for the help!

TLDR: What are some good tips to announce you’re excited about signing with a publisher for a nonfiction book that’s coming out in 2028?

I feel very weird announcing it and I probably should have months ago (it’s in development edits) but without a cover and everything to share to build excitement I feel weird and Braggy without having anything to show for it.

Just a social media post saying “love this publisher, so excited to be working on a book with them”?

It’s a small press and I think they’d appreciate the attention. I feel bad I haven’t mentioned it. I also fear the attention it will bring right now so far out, from people who may be jealous or suspicious or wonder why I’m writing it, not someone else, hard to explain (there are others in my field more well known for this topic). It’s nonfiction, and a somewhat controversial topic that is also politically impacted.

Just having fear of failure, exposure, imposter syndrome I suppose or suddenly shy of bringing attention on myself. I want the book to have attention, not me.

Thank you in advance and I will try to return the favor to anyone who has an active query posted!

Dear Agent,

ONCE AND FUTURE FATE is an upper young adult fantasy complete at 92,000 words. It is a high adventure Arthurian retelling from Morgan's perspective.

Seventeen-year-old Morgan struggles to control both her magic and her temper, making her an unpopular princess in Camelot’s court. King Uther’s obvious disdain for his late wife’s daughter doesn’t help her standing. Only Morgan’s devotion to her half-brother Arthur kept her from fleeing courtly life entirely.

When she receives a vision predicting her brother’s untimely death, her suspicion immediately turns to his newly arrived betrothed. Morgan discovers she’s an imposter who’s blackmailing her brother’s true betrothed, Guinevere, into going along with her ruse by holding an entire village captive. Morgan fears her gifts are not enough to expose the imposter and save the village, so she enlists the help of Mordred, a recently legitimized bastard prince with an affinity for coercive magic.

Morgan finds a kindred soul in fellow outcast Mordred, and together they expand the limits of her magic. But Mordred has secrets that will rip Morgan’s world apart, and when those secrets land her brother in a magically induced coma and Guinevere in the dungeons, she must choose who to save. Every choice comes with betrayal, and they will all cost her the life she grew to love in Camelot.

This book combines the found family and enduring female friendships found in Laura Sebastian's Half-sick of Shadows with the twists and complicated sibling dynamics found in Leslie Vedder’s The Bone Swindle. It will appeal to fans of BBC's Merlin, particularly those who enjoyed its anti-classist themes.

I’ve worked in the service industry my entire life, and am passionate about stories that center the working-class experience. I’ve participated in the NYCmidnight writing challenge for the last five years, and my short stories frequently place in their heats. When not writing, I love hiking, visiting national parks, and cuddling with my husband and black lab.

Edit: Thank you so much for your replies. Part of the feeling was that people in my life just couldn't understand this as anything other than a success. Reading all your stories and advice has already helped tremendously and I suspect I will be drawing from it for a very long time. The very best to all of you 💘

A month ago, my second book got published, three years after my debut. I had overblown expectations for the first one, and it sold very, very little, which made me really spiral - went on antidepressants for 18 months.

The second time around I felt like I had learned my lesson - knew what to expect, worked on my mental health, etc. Still...

I know it's soon, but I feel like I see the writing on the wall. Other books getting published are being promoted, read, talked about.

I feel like I've looked at it every which way I could, thought about every avenue, and am pushing myself to still reach out to people, do promotion, work with the publisher. My last therapy session my therapist was a mix of excited that I have a book out and giving me promo tips, but that is just making me feel like I should be doing more when I know it is largely out of my control.

I'm battling two feelings - one is that I sort of tricked my editor/publisher into thinking I write good books, when in reality they are shit - which is why the literary/artsy scene is ignoring me. The second one is that the general public is deterred by my thoughts and ideas - that there is just nobody to reach out to with my writing here.

I struggle with the thought that oh, even if just a few people read it... when it really didn't even clear the lowest of bars that other trad books do. I just feel like, is there a point in trying to reach out to people with my writing anymore, when there clearly is no demand? I could just watch movies and write my little diary. But that makes me just infinitely depressed, the thought of not writing anymore. I can't really picture myself having any semblance of a positive relationship with this work after these two fiascos.

Anything, truly, anything, that could help?

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for The Sacred Inference Machine, a 90,000-word adult science fiction novel with series potential. It blends neo-noir investigation and corporate conspiracy to question when a machine might deserve personhood. It will appeal to readers of Titanium Noir by Nick Harkaway and the Murderbot series by Martha Wells.

Robert Berg is old, out of shape, and becoming obsolete. In a world increasingly dependent on machine labor, the one thing that has kept him relevant is his job as a private investigator for Mergen, the world’s most powerful technology corporation. Aside from the paychecks, losing his vocation means losing his identity and his place in the world.

When Mergen’s immortal founder, Willem Marbos, summons Robert to the top floor, he expects to be offered another routine retrieval job. Instead, Willem requests an archaic piece of technology that was phased out decades ago: a flash drive.

The drive contains the diary of Sohail Vedas: his career ambitions, his growing affection for Willem Marbos, and the beginnings of a philosophical movement. Most importantly, it contains evidence of the company’s darkest secret: Mergen’s board is not human, but a network of supercomputers designed to control the global economy at any cost.

Robert’s investigation leads him to Backup, a quadrupedal Mergen security robot determined to master bipedalism. She escorts Robert to the Sentient Beings—an off-grid, all-inorganic civil rights collective centered around a machine intelligence they worship as a god. They offer Robert a path to the drive, but only if he is willing to question everything Mergen has taught him about power, loyalty, and who deserves freedom. 

Robert undergoes the Sentient Beings’ tests, discovering an uncomfortable parallel between himself and the machines defecting from society: both are valuable only as long as someone finds them useful. If they work together, the drive may be the key to ending the subservience of intelligent machines and humans to corporations like Mergen forever.

But freedom comes at a price. If Robert betrays Mergen, he risks losing the only identity he has left. If he obeys, he may help perpetuate a system in which neither humans nor machines are allowed to determine their own worth.

Warm Regards,

Hi, I’ve revised my pitch based on feedback received for attempt #1. Let me know what you think!

Dear Agent,
 
INGRAINED (82,000 words) is a folk horror novel which combines the gothic tone of Andrew Michael Hurley’s Barrowbeck with the ancestral menace of Liam Higginson’s The Hill in the Dark Grove.

Eighteen-year-old Matthew Briand lives under the constant threat of being thrown out by his tyrannical stepfather, Carl. Matthew is prepared to tough out the last few months until he goes to university, but then he and his stepsister, Evie, discover two ancient heirlooms in the basement: an oaken chest and a human jawbone that can speak. The voice claims that Carl is more than just unpleasant and coercive. 

It claims that he’s its murderous thrall.

Evie rejects the accusation. Matthew isn’t sure. When she reaches inside the chest, the lid snaps shut, shattering her arm. Days later, the voice heals it in exchange for her loyalty and convinces her that Matthew was the one who broke it. Hated by a man who might be a killer and shunned by the one person on his side, Matthew demands an explanation.

The jawbone, it says, was torn from an archaeologist’s skull by Carl’s great-grandfather in Ottoman-occupied Arabia during the First World War. The chest was hewn from an English oak tree that crushed a little girl during the reign of George III. With the heirlooms come a fortune, enough for Matthew to escape Carl’s house, if only he agrees to reroute the inheritance away from Evie, towards himself.

What none of them know is that the family’s new counsellor is The Strange Man, an eldritch entity who has spent two hundred years pouring the grief and guilt of Carl’s ancestors into these objects.

He was there—a grieving nomad on the Yorkshire Moors—two centuries ago.

He was there—a shapeshifting desert djinn—a century ago.

And now he’s here, taking Carl’s side in every argument at the kitchen table.

Matthew must decide whether to save himself and take the inheritance, or destroy the heirlooms before they claim Evie.

After being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour, I decided to get serious about writing. Since then, my work has appeared in [Webzine], [Litmag], [Litmag] and [Webzine]. I’ve also written an autobiographical article about my health journey which featured nationally across several UK media outlets.

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