I have been limerent for a work colleague for 2.5 years. He is much senior to me, but we are the same age. We are both married with children. I knew straight away, though thought it was platonic. It's now not. We talk via messages for hours each day, often from morning to night, mainly jokes, memes, but an awful lot of personal things- though he never discusses his wife negatively.

On the times he visits work we eat together (in staff canteen) but we never meet up, just message 100's of times per day. He teases me at work, or sings my praises and despite knowing it cannot be true, I am sure he has feelings for me too.

This morning, on my day off I drove just yo 'accidentally' be at work when he arrived as I knew we would get a 15 window to talk in person. When he saw me he said "you look amazing" and my heart nearly exploded.

I am finding myself creepy at this stage. It just feels so nice to be near him, like calm inside. But I know I cannot keep doing crazy shit like this. Any advice? Please be kind. 😞

I'm just asking for insight and opinions.

What's the point of getting rid of limerence if it makes you happy and gives you dopamine? Is thinking and dreaming about LO to get a "happy high" not the same as other dopamine addictions like doomscrolling or watching too much TV or whatever else people consider bad? But in the context, I'm not talking about level 100 obsession or self-destructive limerence; I'm talking about mild limerence or intentionally thinking about LO for dopamine. It also seems like limerence is an extremely common phenomenon that people live with, so it's not that rare of a mental state to be in.

I honestly just don't really see or understand the reasons to stop? I'm NC with my LO, and I don't really stalk them on socials anymore, but I just can't find a reason to fully 100% move on if it's something that can bring me happiness. I still have hobbies, friends, and things to keep me busy, but daydreaming and getting those dopamine highs also make me happy and feel good, and I just don't really see where the line is.

"glimpse of us" -joji

Relates to being in a relationship, and being limerent.

even though song has nothing to do with limerence and is actually about rebound relationships, its very good and i think its worth checking out.

If you do check it out, make sure to pay attention to the lyrics. Its about a guy who got into a relationship with another girl but he cant forget about the previous relationship he was in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgsWGfUlwJI&list=RDNgsWGfUlwJI&start_radio=1

Lemme know what you think

Hes my favorite artist and has a bunch of other songs that are good but this is the one I kinda come back to. and think about my situation

I have been with my fiancee for 5 years. We have been mid distance for the past 3. A couple months ago, I moved in with a couple and another friend. Over that time, I have developed an excruciating and intense limerence for the girl in the relationship.

It's only strengthened by some of the things she does, folding my laundry, cleaning my car, driving me to the airport 1:1, extended periods of 1:1 time in close proximity, teasing, etc.

I feel awful about it but feel powerless to stop it, especially in this living situation. I feel like I owe it to my fiancee to tell her, but I don't want to hurt her. I just need her support in getting over this.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

A few years ago I developed a crush on someone in my workplace. They were very senior to me in both age and position. It was a time of my life I was isolated and lonely and had low self esteem. I was also married. I saw this person 2-3 times a week at the office. Over time we realized we had some things in common and they would share music and movie recommendations with me. I spent a lot of time fantasizing about them. It kept me busy and my mind occupied. I wanted them to also be thinking about me. I never crossed the line or planned to. But I did fantasize about doing it. I never had intention of having a relationship with them. But I knew my crush was too much.

My spouse and I were struggling at this time. After their encouragement, I confided in them that I had a crush. That everything had been above board and it was all in my head. I tried to explain limerence and my upbringing of emotionally immature parenting that has been linked to limerence.

My spouse filed for divorce with one of the main reasons being an emotional affair with said LO. They named the person in court documents and included our work emails and the odd Facebook message as proof. They contacted the LOs spouse to tell them to watch out for me. I was a homewrecker and a stalker. Everyone knew.

I never got to tell my side or explain. My spouse told friends and family about my emotional infidelity, embellishing it significantly. I never spoke to the person again but think about them almost daily. The thought that I may have caused them harm and ruined their family and reputation is excruciating.

My message to spouses of people who experience limerence is: please try to understand. It not something we can turn off easily. We don’t always have bad intentions. Please don’t publicly shame us. Know it’s often a fantasy version of the person that our minds have created and not the actual person we are limerent about.

My message to those with limerence: try and find another source for your dopamine hit. I know all too well how good it feels to indulge in it. Put yourself in the shoes of your LO and their family. How would you feel if a person was obsessing and fantasizing about you. Meet new people if you can. Once I got divorced and started socializing with people and making new friends, my self esteem improved exponentially. I began to like myself. I’m sure limerence will strike again but I feel prepared to nip it in the bud.

Sending love to everyone dealing with this.

I have yet again fallen into limerance. And yet again it is someone who is totally unavailable to me. Engaged. Not their type. Completely disinterested and oblivious.

And it makes sense to me why I do it. I feel unlovable so I have to create a love story. I am lonely so I fill my time with scenarios about a person to spend time with. Etc

It is actually so depressing. Longing and yearning for someone who has no idea. ALSO setting my self up for total disappointment because they never would consider it.

Why why why why. I hate myself for it and I know it is just a sign that I need to turn the focus in on myself and start focusing on what specifically the limerance is telling me. ie. I need to get laid, I need emotional connection. But it just feels like there is something wrong with my brain that this is a habit I have that practically takes over my thoughts.

Genuinely setting myself up for failure and hurt.

How do I stop doing this and get a fuckinggggggg grip I just feel like an idiot and a loser

I realized that it was limerence early and I'm really glad that I did, because I was feeling crazy. Now its been like a month and I'm trying to see if there's a chance. I haven't asked her out or really talked to her so, is it crazy if I try to make it work while being cautious to not be obsessive and take notes of the problems that come up or should I just end it in my mind before I'm to invested?

This is the first time I've felt this way about someone and ending it will be hard because I'm scared I might not feel this way again. I also see her everyday so trying to forget about her would be pretty hard. please give advice I'm desperate.

I'm also in much more control, and better off than I was when I first realized I liked her.

Ok I’m prefacing this by saying I HATED LIMERENCE. I hated every bit of the experience. It was like I was living in hell every day and I would never actually want to go through that again. But I can’t help but feel like my life is so…boring now. I’ve lost contact with LO, and my brain has been occupying itself with short, shallow, and obsessive crushes. I just feel like I’ll never achieve that amount of pure emotion that being in Limerence brought me- even though most of it was pain and suffering. I just kind of miss the feeling of being so happy when someone talks to me. Idk life is so boring without a “big crush” or something like that.

Sometimes I feel like my LO just KNOWS i have feelings for him. Today in his office (he's a prof and my former prof), I was just sitting there causally doomscrolling then out of the corner of my eye, I see him taking off his sweatshirt and let's just say i got a glimpse... okay it's nothing nsfw but like I saw his stomach cause his shirt rode and i'm SCREAMING. Like does this man know or not know what he does to me? He literally stops right across from the table from me and BAM his sweatshirt and a bit of his shirt comes up. and i'm like.... i got the hots for him... it's so bad. it wasn't as bad when an LO accidentally touched me on the leg tho, that was... something. else. we dont' talk about that LO, he's not a bad dude but that was embarrassing how down bad I was for him. and it's embarrassing how down bad i am for my current LO.

I know we don't recommend sleeping with an LO but hear me out... (ignore me). maybe if we just get out of my syst---- anyway.

this man might as well just taken off his shirt too. idk. but oh my gosh. I should not have seen that. i had to look away and force myself to stare at reddit so I didn't look draw dropped. and I'm PRAYING he did not see me checking him out. If this man caught me, teased me, i'd prolly be willing to do all sorts of.... things. but that's besides the point, i needed to lay my head down cause of what i just saw. now he's not bad looking... but he's not your good looking guy. he's just your average joe. and this (my) average joe, has got to not flash me if he doesn't want me to jum---- okay i really need to relax.

MY POINT IS this man needs some manners on how to properly take off his sweatshirt, and not accidentally give me a heart attack when I basically see him half naked. and NOT stop straight in front of me when he does so, like have some decency (or don't...)

I’m just here to embarrass myself because all my LO in the past have been at least ‘reasonable’, as in I know them, whether a friend or a coworker.

But no, I am completely absorbed by a random person that takes the same bus as me LOL. and I am so delusional holy goddamn.

And at the start, I felt this energy from him, like you can feel when someone is paying attention to you (again could be delusion) but I looked at him and hes a little older and I felt nothing.

Somehow I went from not giving a fuck to now being obsessed with this person and it’s getting so bad. And I cringe at the thought of this man just minding his business and not interested and is somehow feeling my energy. I don’t want to creep him out even though I am being creepy lol.

I literally can’t get him out of my head though. And I’m not a very sexual person, and thinking of sex with my previous LO made me feel gross and uncomfortable, but this man I NEED. What is happening to me

Last week I more or less ended things with my dude, was tired of the hot and cold type of emotional responses. Haven't talked in a week and it sucks so bad, he told me to lose his number and so I deleted it but we didn't remove each other from Instagram. Today I saw he changed his profile pic to a picture I drew of him a couple weeks back. What the fuck?

I (m 29) have completely fallen for my coworker (m 31). I adore him, but I know he’s straight. We have worked together for about three years now and have been through some tough things together (our manager we were close with passed due to cancer recently)

I have had these feeling for a while now, but recently they’ve gotten worse, and it’s been putting me into a depression. He’s also going through relationship troubles (he got kicked out of his house by his girlfriend…ex now) and so I’ve been trying to help him, I’ll buy food and things he needs for him, and get him little gifts.
But seeing him every single day at work, being close to him, pretending like I don't feel this way is incredibly painful. It’s exhausting to try and not think about him. How do I get over this? I took a week vacation from work, but I’m not sure what more to do. I’d be grateful for any advice!

I'm 29M and I've been experiencing what I now believe is limerence for a family friend (35F) for nearly three years.

She's been through a couple of divorces and several relationships since, and my family and I supported her through all of it. Proposed her a couple of times but she said no

But her behavior keeps me hooked , she comes to my house regularly, seeks my attention, sends emotional songs at night, dresses up around me, and my sister says she'd do anything for my attention. Then she goes cold, ignores me for days, and the cycle repeats.

I now know this is breadcrumbing. I know it's limerence not love. I know logically she's not right for me.

But I can't stop the intrusive thoughts. I monitor where she is. I feel anxious when she disappears. It's affecting my mental health.

Has anyone recovered from limerence? How long did it take? What actually worked?

I've been wondering whether dreams can help us alleviate unresolved emotions because something interesting happened to me recently.

For context, I met my LO on reddit, and we eventually moved to Instagram. We talked for a couple of weeks, and I developed strong feelings for her. At some point, she got frustrated and told me she'd decided not to talk to men anymore. Also mentioned this in her latest YouTube video. Since then, she's been reading my messages without responding.

Recently, I had a dream that I still remember quite vividly.

In the dream, I was invited to an event, but I wasn't sure I was in the right place. The people there brought me food, and eventually, I started eating. When I tried to contact the person who had invited me to clarify things, he pretended not to know me and publicly humiliated me for eating their food when I supposedly didn't belong there.

What bothered me most was that nobody had given me the address in the first place. I was being blamed for not knowing where to go when I hadn't been given the information I needed.

I don't know whether the dream had anything to do with my limerence. It just got me wondering whether dreaming itself can help us process emotions in ways we don't consciously notice.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Have you ever had a dream that seemed to help you work through unresolved feelings or see a difficult situation differently?

What helped you the most? What habits or little things do you do that didn't seem obviously important but ended up being crucial in helping you overcome your limerence? What advice would you offer someone still struggling?

I am way better than I used to be despite still dealing with occasional daydreams and urge to frequent places where I might run into them on purpose (like festivals and bars we both have aquintances/friends going to, to clarify-not stalking) and I badly wish to get rid of this.

Any advice is very appreciated.

I'm trauma bonded to someone who's not good for me, but I can't seem to leave no matter what. I fell for the fantasy version of him for 2 years, but when faced with reality, I thought it would be easy to leave, but it's not helping either. Everyone and everything reminds me of him. I step out of the house to stop overthinking, but other guys remind me of him. I tried going out with a guy and felt disgusted by the kiss. I can't seem to kiss anyone else beside him. I don't understand if this is love or not?

​So, quick update to my first post about my LO.

​I finally confessed my feelings to him, and his response was short and brutal: "Hi, I have a girlfriend, please never message me again."

​Then I found out in a mutual group chat who the girlfriend actually is. It's another mentee from the exact same adult learning program where I met him. We know each other (not friends), and she witnessed our dynamic from the start.

​Looking back with fresh eyes, I feel like I misread everything and got caught up in a confusing situation. Those shared moments in class were him specifically engaging with the females he wanted, but playing it off so it looked like he was just being charismatic with everyone. In private, things were personal. He kissed me, felt me up, gave soft hugs, and made sweet compliments, but then would turn around and make comments about my body, telling me I needed to lose weight to be "hot."

​He treated us both very differently:

​Me: He called me "gorgeous," but framed me as the "tough girl" with baggage and "unconventional beauty." At the time, we had great banter and chemistry. I loved his mind and really wanted to get to know him on a deeper level.

​Her: She was the total damsel in distress, always dealing with crises. On paper, she was the "viable" choice for him. They're around the same age and share a similar cultural background. Everyone praised her beauty and gave her a pass despite her personality, while she acted super friendly with everyone and asked a lot of questions about me and him. Over time, she even started adopting some of my habits.

​People in the program rooted for them, which made me feel isolated. Looking back, I realize I was meant to fail at succeeding in this career because the cards were completely stacked against me in this adult learning environment. I was lashing out and acting desperate for his validation and attention, and he turned around and painted me as "problematic" and "impulsive" to the cohort. He used my genuine, desperate reactions to discredit me, leaving me with zero support from the program or cohort members while he made himself look like the victim or peacekeeper.

​And I know I'm not blameless here either. I hurt someone who genuinely loved me because I was so consumed by this obsession with my LO, which makes processing all of this even harder.

​My brain is still hijacked, but now it is focused on replaying past moments involving both of them, trying to make sense of how things unfolded.

​Then came the final kicker: she set a photo of them together as her profile pic, and his whole look changed:

- ​He lost a ton of weight, turning his jaw into full-on Handsome Squidward (RIP cute chubby cheeks).

- ​His straight jet-black pompadour duck hair was replaced by a Korean perm with highlights.

- ​A thick silver chain, making him look like a total wannabe looksmaxxing chad.

​My limerence isn't cured, but seeing him look so different while trying to untangle all these mixed signals, the rejection, how my desperation was weaponized against me, and the guilt over who I hurt along the way has left me in a really strange space.

​I am so depressed that I wasted so much time after I last saw him trying to fix myself so I would be chosen, only for someone else to be the chosen one. I know limerence is rooted in abandonment wounds, validation, and wanting to be chosen, but his behaviors gave me so much false hope. His ego clearly fed off my hero worship, and then he just got to walk away with the "hotter" option.

​Honestly, I feel like he will always prey on women in his workplace. Just because he got with this girl now, who is to say that later on a more broken, prettier, younger girl comes around and he goes right back to feeling up mentees in private?

​At this stage of the limerence, I'm looking for advice from anyone who has been through this specific shift. How do I push forward from here and break the mental loop so I can finally be truly free? ANY HELP/ADVICE APPRECIATED!!!

(Long story) and boring as hell, if you can tolerate boring things then please continue further, you're welcomed, dear :

When I was in school, I thought having a crush was normal, I never fixated myself on a single person.

Till I met a guy who appeared at such a critical time in my life. He never knew anything about me, never asked me anything, we never talked a lot about each other.

I was going through depression, anxiety and a lot of mental issues during summer break and it continued because of some personal issues in my family and something that happened to me at that time.

I was a teenager, and I am still one but at that time I was so desperate and so hurt that my mind, my true self got so numb that till now I am unable to bring that version of myself, I

lost myself at that time.

Then this guy appeared like an angel, ( Why am I describing him like this)?

Cuz he smiled whenever he looked at me while notebook distribution or simply passing by, it gave me a lot of hope, motivation and I felt somehow very alive.

Idk

..

..

I thought he was this perfect being, i saw him as a good person even though he wasn't really like that.

I made him my god, I never said anything but being around him was enough for me to be alive, he became my oxygen (so cringe).

(Fantasy of him being the peak of perfection)

My weird obsession, I wanted to know more about him but never managed to.

Watched cricket for him even though i never knew, how many balls are there in an over?

Checked schedules related to odi, T20s stuff.

So i could talk to him in class, by using cricket as an excuse. ( SO DUMB)

(He liked me too, cuz I felt it was like, simple.)

BUT NEVER SAID IT, STARTED IGNORING ME BEFORE FINALS.

My section was changed, when I passed the previous class, i still had this longing for him, simply taking a look at him made my day.

I could do anything for him at that time.

Then, he disappeared for a week, it felt like a freaking YEARRRR!!!!!

He went to Goa for his tournament or whatever (PLAYS CRICKET )

Life was going like this till my classmate suggested that I join Snapchat, i wasn't on social till then, but i joined it cuz someone said he uses it too.

So i started using Snapchat for him, so that I could talk to him, silly me. I was so obsessed ( Still I am)

I texted him, he texted back, he never initiated any conversation, i was the one who did it all.

It felt so bad, every hour, every minute, every second, felt like a moment i could never be comfortable at.

I used to wait like a Crazy for him, but never got a single text, like I did.

No spotlights, no memes nothing, not even a hi and me sending hi thinking will it work?

Sometimes, he talked rudely to me I thought it was my fault for bothering him like this.

I cried a lot, a lot, a lot.

I wished, he would some day, wipe my tears.

I've always looked for love, my parents are abusive, they themselves are trapped in a toxic relationship.

Looking at them, I felt like love was like that, you have to earn it like an OLYMPIC MEDAL. It wasn't.

Then, the day came when i confessed to him, he said he used to like me i.e, Main bhi tumhe pasand krta tha.

He never said anything after that. I didn't confess that easily.

(i was telling him stories for like an hour till i came to the main point, he was like please come to the point, he made me say it, i wasn't able to, actually )

He ignored me infront of his classmates or friends, never talked to me in class or whenever classes were merged, he stopped waving at me like he used to whole gong by the bus.

I felt like I was stabbed in my heart, as if i was the problem, I tried my best to keep him, but I could not.

I was exhausted, he never really gave an explanation or something that he wants me to be a good friend.

He continued talking to me through chats and simple.

Asked me to help him cheat during board

That night, my parents i was crying like crazy when he asked me this.

I started realising he never gave a fuck but i was too naive and I still.

Left cricket,

I stopped using Snapchat,

I removed him from Snapchat for a year and then added him this year in 2026 ( last week probably) again, I felt like he would never add me but he fucking did!

His intentions were never clear and I am realising that I can't fake it, whatever I felt.

I feel like it's limerence not love, it's obsession nothing else. I've cried for him like crazy, i feel like I am not worthy enough to be with him.

The thing is I don't want to be with him, but want to get him out of my heart, my mind , from the nucleus of my cell.

What do I do? And how?

It's ruining my ruined life ?! Hahaha

Hi everyone,
I am severely struggling with limerence or love, or both, not totally sure. I don’t truly think it’s limerence, but either way I am hurting so terribly bad. I’m a 32 year old male who honestly fell in love with another woman while I’m married. My marriage was not great, I have not been happy for a long time, but I’ve been so scared and so confused on my life. It’s not an excuse, but I did have an emotional affair with the woman I fell in love with. That’s what makes me think it’s not limerence because it was very much mutual, but she cut it off and stayed in her marriage that she was also unfaithful in. We felt as though we were very much each other’s person and if we met in another lifetime, we would have been perfect together. I completely agree and it makes it so terrible for me. I love my wife, but it feels very much platonic and not what I need forever. This other woman has been around for many years, so it’s not like I just randomly met her, but she showed me more in a few months than I’ve ever felt, and to say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. I’m just needing support or someone that understands. I’m in therapy, but nobody gets it and I’m just a bad person in everyone’s eyes. I’m very much drowning and the one person that understood me, is gone.

What makes it so hard for me to break this pattern is the fact that he liked me a lot during a particular time😭😭😭 he liked me the way i wanted to be liked, for the right reasons.
Now he’s totally detached and living his life while im stuck. I hate myself for this. How do i break this. I hate myself

I’m trying to get over my LO by no contact essentially ruining the friendship also by getting rid of it, but does anyone else feel like their LO is so cool that you guys shouldn’t have been friends in the first place. Like obv since she’s my LO I think she’s so unique and cool but idk if it’s the infatuation that’s making me think this way or if it’s just true

Literally don't know what to do, don't know where to go. This is at work. Having limerence--It literally didn't matter at all initially. Thought I could avoid the person but I kept running into them, kept making weird eye contact with them. I thought trying to avoid would make it a better work environment to try and ignore them and it did not work. Tried to explain the situation and it made it worse. I have made it bad for everyone involved by obsessing over the individual.

I saw a YT video, re-explaining what limerence was for me and I got it. I barely knew the person, so they retained themselves as some perfect being in my mind. I know my options at this point ... are to quit this job or to try and voluntarily change my job hours so I STOP running into them. (Well for most days, i cant switch every day most likely). If anyone actually cares, isn't going to roast me into oblivion, remind me of how its my fault (I know) without any actual solutions and wants more details let me know. You'd think my end all problems would be healthcare, insomnia/apnea, anxiety .. but nope. Whats worse is i had like two L.O. at the same time, no problems whatsoever. Didn't have to approach, they didnt notice me and we went on our own separate ways. Then when one of the two L.O. quit .. this situation happened. .. I've prayed, ive apologized, i've cried and ... im so tired.

Two months ago I confessed my feelings to LO but he didn't feel the same way and we both went NC for several days to avoid hurting me with communication.
Then I broke the no contact because honestly I started feeling better and I liked someone else BUT then I started liking him more. I feel like LO is great, he's sweet and loving and I love him way too much.

But the problem is I can't confess to him again because we'll go NC again and I'm not ready for that 🥺 I'd like to keep being his friend for months, and that one day, the miracle would happen that he'd notice how much I love him 🥲😭 do you think you can be friends with your LO?

Is there anything you have noticed about yourselves that either got worse or got better after being out of the limerence loop?

Socially, I’m making more strides. It’s not linear in anyway, but that’s ok. I have more group chats with like 5 different groups of people now, most of them I hang with either often, or seldomly. I talk with like half of my department about different topics we relate to(including a former LO which we connect pretty well on a friend level). I’ve attempted to start up dates with a couple people. Nothing worked out but that’s ok. I’ve learned to not dwell on it and let their actions speak. I also learned that it’s ok to feel frustrated or disappointed, but to also not just lash out or get disrespectful because of it. Just to give them the same energy they give you.

I’ve also been in a confession/apology tour throughout the year regarding my actions during my limerent phase. Told a former gf(she was not one) a coworker(not the LO), my sister and one of my close friends that I almost lost because of it. I did try to contact the LO that was most affected but no response. I also contacted her husband. I know it’s a big no/no but I made sure to emphasize that I’m directly apologizing to him for how I acted to him. I wouldn’t have said nothing; but he actually saved our messages from that time and I was kind of puzzled because I don’t remember a single text from it. I’m also not afraid about the responses I may get from them or from anybody I’ve affected. It just helps to get it out and if people hate me for it, I’ll be ok.

I’ve also set some goals that I’ll set every year just so I have something to look toward. I probably only passed half of them but it’s better than nothing.

I’m able to detect or describe how I feel now more detailed. Used to just be I’m happy, I’m mad or I’m sad, now there’s it’s more fined. I feel ashamed, I feel anxious, I feel nervous, I feel surprised, guilty, frustrated, etc.

Now I know some people may not be as held back as I was or maybe there’s others that are even worse. The important thing is that we improve our quality of life now than let this thing consume us of our real humanity within ourselves. I’m interested in hearing what others have learned about themselves coming out of the other side.