I'm still in love with my former therapist. Do you think she loved me too? Do you think it's possible she wanted me back in some way?

I love everything about her. Even the ugly parts.

It's been a year since our final session. I still think about her every day, and cry over her often. I miss her laugh. I miss her so much.

Please be kind. It's embarrassing posting this knowing it's possible I might be delusional for believing this was more than just a professional relationship. I've included one of the more light hearted notes she's written for me, and a couple other notes in the comments. Despite having to leave out A LOT of details, this is still going to be lengthy.

I (late 20sF) worked with my former therapist (late 40sF) for 1 year and 8 months. She's been practicing for almost 20 years.

I was attracted to her the moment I met her. A few months in, I told her I had maternal, romantic, and sexual feelings toward her. And not long after that, I told her I loved her for the first time. She told me she'd never had a client express feelings for her before. And the intimacy escalated after that. The more I got to know her, the more my feelings deepened far beyond just transference.

We met 3–5x a week, went over most sessions (20mins minimum up to TWO HOURS), and communicated frequently between sessions—including hour-long phone calls. She sometimes scheduled me on weekends despite clocking out at noon on Fridays, reserved an extra unbilled hour after our sessions at times, and prioritized me over other clients even when I refused. One time in the middle of our session, she insisted on rescheduling her next client so we could keep going. Despite my resistance, she told me, "THIS is my priority. YOU are my priority."

Pinky swears, handwritten notes and letters, gifts, voice messages, recorded guided meditations, stickers, bringing each other drinks, her precious little crocheted plush she'd let me keep between sessions.

Her language was incredibly intimate. She was very affectionate, doting, admiring, delighted, complimentary, reverent, devoted, encouraging, reassuring, inconsistent, repeatedly told me how exceptional I was to her, that I was her person, and made so many promises about never giving up on me.

Some of things she's said to me:

(In session, phone calls, voice messages, voice mail, written communication)

"You're in my heart, ALWAYS." (She said she'd never say this to another client)

"I have love for you too... I don't want you to think I don't, because I do...It's just the nature of what this is."

"You're not inconveniencing me, I called YOU. i called you because I've been wanting to talk to YOU."

"I'm asking you to keep showing up for me. Don't give up on this."

"You're NOT just another client to me. I will think about you LONG after this all ends. I will NEVER forget you. You are NOT forgettable."

"You MATTER to me. As far as our therapeutic relationship goes, it MEANS something to me, and it's very real. What we do in here is very real. I know more about YOU than I do about most people in my life. All of this is SO weird, and it sucks. Our relationship is valuable to me. YOU are valuable to me."

"When all is said and done and all the goals are met, YOU are one of the clients that I would wonder about and want to hear from. It's not like this is ever closed off... It sucks on this end for me too."

"I DEEPLY care about you. I appreciate you SO much. I admire you. SO much admiration. I admire you SO MUCH."

"I will do whatever you want. Whatever you need."

"It feels good to hear your laugh. I like hearing your laugh."

"Our sessions...we never run out of things to talk about. there's always so many things to talk about, and so much curiosity..."

"You are frequently on my mind. I FREQUENTLY think about you between sessions."

"i DEEPLY respect you. You are SO inspiring. I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass either. Boundaries ARE hard. It's hard on this end for me too. Because I CARE about you."

"You shake things up and keep my life from being on autopilot."

"I'll walk with you as long as you want me to."

She self-disclosed A LOT, including things about her marriage and family (names, personalities, schools, etc). She repeatedly implied that she felt unhappy and unseen at home. We'd get so caught up bonding that we eventually had to set timers to get back to the actual work.

She often commented on my appearance and tell me I looked good.

She hugged me—once. It was tight and lasted a long time. She said she's never hugged a client before, and rarely ever felt the desire to.

We ended most sessions with a pinky swear. She'd take off her glasses, scoot closer, tell me to look at her, stare at me intensely, and sometimes grip my pinky so damn hard and pull me closer.

She often stood extremely close to me, sometimes a foot or less away. Sometimes cornering me in her office. When we'd discuss sex, she'd smirk and ask things like "was it gooooood?" Sometimes even initiated talking about it.

Despite knowing how I felt about her, she would still wear low cut tops, and sit leaning all the way forward most of the session that I would have to be very intentional about where my eyes landed.

Instead of squatting or crouching to pick something up to shuffle through her things, she'd bend over and take her time.

One time she blocked the door and wouldn't let me leave until I pinky swore to stay safe, because I was about to see my ex who had recently tried to kill me. She begged me to pinky swear because she didn't trust my verbal reassurance.

She scheduled me on her birthday even though I told her I was worried we'd argue and I'd ruin it. She said it was a risk she was willing to take.

She often teared up during our sessions. Cried a few times.

She walked to my car took a noose out of my backseat and got rid of it.

I let her borrow my book In Session by Deborah A. Lott, after I told her I read it to understand my romantic and sexual feelings for her. She returned it with the dust jacket and one of my journal pages tucked into a section about a client longing for her therapist as both lover and parental figure, and a therapist who blurred boundaries and fed the attachment.

Eventually she sought supervision and suddenly slammed the brakes on everything, or tried to and failed. Except she became more clinical and distant, but denied things had changed. I regressed and eventually stopped scheduling. She spent two weeks talking to me every day trying to pull me back in. She got me. Then after I told her I missed the way she used to speak to me, she ended it. Saying that wasn't something she could responsibly offer.

During our final session, she was a wreck. Her face was bloodshot, and she was holding back tears. She told me she couldn't regulate because she couldn't stop thinking about me, that she felt it in her body, that boundaries were murky, and she wasn't completely sure why she was ending things. And despite having "so much WANT," she was sticking with the decision. There was a moment when she asked me to please look at her and we stared at each other intensely for what felt like forever.

The night of our final session she updated my safety plan. A few days after our final session, she sent me a 6 page long treatment summary, a 3 page list of referrals and resources with narratives about why she picked each one for me, and a goodbye message at 1:24 AM. She said she couldn't hold the therapeutic frame with the clarity and consistency I deserved. That she would miss knowing me and wonder how life is unfolding for me.

We continued speaking for 4-5 months after that. Logistically.

No matter how much I've tried to process, I haven't been able to move on. There was so much left unsaid. Things I will never hear come out of her mouth. I don't think I'll ever get over her.

Ways I improved from our work together:

No more panic attacks, no more emotional outbursts, left abusive relationship, boundaries, stabilized FND symptoms, far less people pleasing, I'm more assertive, built a support system, way more confident, significant improvement in communication, I'm more consistent, learned how to regulate myself, reduction in flashbacks, no self harming, I stopped self isolating, I've been letting people in, my relationships are honest and so much stronger, and I'm alive. There's so so soooo much more I could say. I could go on and on about all the ways she helped me.

It’s genuinely insane. They will do something, and my brain will instantly analyse every aspect of it and somehow make a conclusion that it means that they are secretly in love with me.

I’m really deep in the trenches.

recently found out my husband is in a limerence. He doesn’t know that I know, and I am pretty devastated when I found out this information. We’ve been together for a while and I’ve always thought we have such a beautiful and happy marriage. We are actively having great sex and have so much fun together.
I don’t know how to address this with him. It’s eating me up inside, but I know I need to talk to him. I am worried I won’t trust his explanation or worry there is something more. I don’t know if this is emotional or went physical and it breaks my heart.

has anyone ever had real intimacy with their LO? I’m going insane. I could’ve had another night with them if I’d stuck it through. I feel like it ended it too early. I could’ve woken up next to them again

I have found that to think of my LOs negatives is helping me to reject thoughts of him completely. So I thought that I would share. In case it helps anyone else.

I focus on the things he did that hurt me:
- He disrespected me
- He gave me mixed signals
- He left when he knew it would hurt the most
- He treated me in manipulative ways
- He never followed through with what he said that he would
- He never showed real interest in me

I compare him to other people I have met:
- Other people in similar contexts have treated me with more respect, more interest, and they follow through with what they say
- Other people communicate with me clearly and don't make me feel bad for wanting clear communication
- Other people don't give me hot and cold
- Other people don't use manipulation
- Other people don't leave me. They may fade, but they don't block me during intimate conversation/sexting/closeness. If they're not interested, things just fades naturally.
- Other people don't lead me on

Now when I think of him, I imagine him as something inert. A rock that I threw into the water. And I just say to myself that he is nothing, he is a rock at the bottom of the sea and he is dead to me.

If thoughts comes into my head of:
- But what if I had acted differently?
- But what if I had not been triggered by him and I had noticed and taken things slow?
- What if what if what if....

I STOP and imagine that rock and think of all the ways that he hurt me and did not show any care or remorse. And I remember that I am better than that. That he doesn't deserve me. He never did! And so he may as well be dead. He may as well be an inanimate object without any meaning or worth to me.

If he could not show to me my worth, beyond saying things like being "glad the stars aligned so that we could meet", then I have no energy to spend on him. He could not even say something so simple as "I'm sorry I left so suddenly" or "I need a break" or "This isn't working for me". No, he chose to ghost in the worst possible way and unless he is an idiot, he knew it would hurt.

He did not give me anything to go off of, so I can make whatever story that I want. If he wanted me to understand him, he lost his chance. So as far as I am concerned, he is a manipulative asshole who is deserving of nothing and who is a misogynist and chauvinist.

So there is how I undo any longing or feelings of hurt towards myself. And since I have been doing this, I feel that I no longer would call him my LO. He was a man who I made a fantasy of in my head and he hurt me deeply and now I never will allow it to happen again!

Who here also fell into the law of attraction/law of assumption/Neville Goddard/manifestion TRAP with their limerent object?
Thinking that just by affirming, visualizing, and wishful thinking that they were going to pick up on that and fall in love because “they have no free will”
I did for years. Btw, it doesn’t work LOL
This belief is incredibly dangerous if you already have a past of becoming obsessed with people. It’s delusion and spiritual psychosis. Many lives have been ruined, financially by these “coaches”, emotionally because no one here can accept rejection because the 3D (physical reality) “isn’t real and is only reflecting your thoughts.”, and ruined with how much time people waste believing this. It’s a literal shame that this is so popular.
r/manifestingsp

I can’t be the only one. Mine is 2 houses up the block, on the opposite side of the street, so when I go for a smoke I can see it. I can see if his vehicle is home or isn’t, etc. I realize I could use the front door (apt building) but I like seeing my other neighbors in my block and hardly anybody uses the front. Also, the front faces Main Street, and sometimes I don’t want to be that publicly seen, but it’s an option.

I just figure I can’t be the only one. Home is normally how we escape. I also work from home ☠️ my escape is if I go to my parents on the weekend, then it’s like I can breathe.

Tell me how you’re dealing with it, if you are or just vent

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to come off as ignorant or obnoxious I’m sorry if something comes off these are just my thoughts and I’d really like to hear if anyone agrees or disagrees with me.

1. “Why are you missing someone that doesn’t even think about you”
   
2. I don’t like this saying because everyone has someone in their life that they miss but that person doesn’t miss them. We’re human it happens to everyone. If I miss my ex, I’m sure my ex misses someone from their life as well.
   
3. Justifying attachment styles and zodiac signs for excusing people’s behavior.
   
4. “he’s a dismissive fearful anxious avoidant😔 he’s also an Aquarius with a rising Libra that’s why he sucks at texting me back”
   
5. Bro be so serious. No one who actually respects or cares about you would ever treat or even think of treating you badly. Yes I get it people make mistakes and no ones perfect but still stop excusing and tolerating people’s poor behavior.
   
6. “I want to heal and get rid of limerence. I hate it!”
   
7. Does absolutely nothing to even try to reduce or resolve it. Doesn’t stop talking to LO, remove them on socials, delete texts or pictures. What you’re not changing you’re choosing…(Ik it’s hard but so are a lot of things worth trying for)
   
8. People exaggerating or underestimating limerence. I think everyone experiences this differently. Some experience it more deeply and intensely than others. Some others just have a mild “liking” the definition stays the same but I think the level of thoughts and impact on one’s life varies significantly. Also you can choose to get rid of it or keep it it’s your life do what you want. If it brings you dopamine great if it make you miserable, work on it.
   
9. You don’t have to let your LO go 110%
   
10. If you go NC, delete their number, delete the pictures, etc. it’s not like you can’t ever look at them ever again in your whole life. I think once a significant amount of time goes by and you can trust your healed self, it’s not going to detrimentally kill your progress if you take a look at their socials, maybe you just want to make sure they’re ok, maybe just as a bittersweet reminder of how far you’ve come or something. Obviously don’t relapse or make excuses but it’s not the end of the world.
    
11. “Limerence comes from childhood trauma or attachment styles or mental illness”
    
12. I’m not gonna argue with science but I don’t think this is always the case. I think for a lot of people it might stem from stress or boredom and your brain for some reason just likes to fixate on a person for relief and calmness. Not justifying this or saying it’s right or wrong but I don’t think sometimes the root cause is as deep as people say (I could be very wrong about this take, but it’s my thoughts if anyone disagrees please lmk)
    
13. I think most of limerence could be solved by “out of sight, out of mind”
    
14. Whatever you focus your attention on, your brain likes to think about. Your brain also likes consistency, so whatever you consistently do or think about (your LO) your brain will focus and look for signs of that. (Has this worked for anyone?)

​

I hate situations left hanging

I know I've already posted about this story, but I was agitated and I still need to vent... basically to ask for more opinions and sort out the confusion.

At work this summer I (27f) was pretty upset at the start of my contract after some personal problems, and my head was elsewhere. This coworker (41m) confessed to me that, despite the interest he felt, he hadn't approached me precisely for that reason. After a few weeks our coworkers saw us talking often, or him coming over to me, and the teasing started from there (for middle-aged people they're pretty childish, but that's how they pass the time since the work and tasks are pretty monotonous).

He went along with the joking and often sought me out to talk. In the end I took the plunge and said, shall we go out? He gave me his number right away. At first we started flirting, even though he had a somewhat childish way of "making a move" (a few compliments that weren't vulgar, or whistles, or just chatting).

He texted me right away that he wanted to go out and suggested two days. I was happy, but then on a day when we both had brutal schedules (I wasn't feeling great and he was dead tired), we postponed. We still work 48 hours a week with 1 day off, and coordinating schedules without a car is pretty hard...

The evening of the other date he doesn't get in touch and I feel hurt. I think he wanted to brush me off, but then in person he starts flirting again and out of nowhere proposes that I come stay at his place (I was complaining about my roommates who never cleaned; the employer gave housing to all employees). I say it's a bit too soon, so we agree to go out. He says let's go out and see.

We had a lot of chemistry and I already liked him from before. We had dinner, and I wanted, of my own free will, to go to his place, partly to test the waters, but he said he was embarrassed about the mess at home (he was playing a bit dumb, because he had made the proposal jokingly via chat).

He also admitted he had postponed the dates on purpose to build tension, and I said jokingly, oh, you're that type of person... I thought it was an immature way of playing games, but one that many men use.

He was very honest about his life and told me various things: he was adopted as a child after his father's death and his background was organized crime, then he grew up in the north. He admitted he had been an asshole and had done all sorts of things when he was young, but that he had calmed down over the years.

At his place he was very sweet and patient even though I was in pain during sex, he cuddled me a lot, and from then on he wrote to me every day. He told me he was sorry I'd have to leave (I'm leaving for a year abroad, a plan made months ago) and that he wanted to keep in touch, or that he would have liked to really date me.

Basically we had already done things, so there was no need for him to get mushy; he'd tell me I like you, etc., or I'm sweet because I like you, otherwise if it were a one-night stand it wouldn't be like this.

Or he'd tell me I miss you, I'm worried about you, and I said, surprised, that we barely knew each other, so he backtracked saying, well then we're having fun, but he simply meant taking it slow. I was already a bit into him anyway, and it seemed the same for him.

On my birthday I stayed over at his place. He got me a cake, was very sweet, and seemed into me; he cuddled me, left me the blanket, etc., just to give you an idea. We were playing at being a little couple. When his friend called him, he said he was with his girlfriend, and I laughed about it and he goes, well, what was I supposed to say...

The next day he walked me to the bus stop and we texted. We had infernal schedules and I wasn't expecting to see each other right away, but he told me he wanted to see me before Sunday. I invited him to go horseback riding with me and a walk, and he seemed enthusiastic.

Then silence.

We see each other at work and he goes, oh, didn't I reply to you? when I pointed out that he talked to me as if nothing had happened but hadn't given my message the time of day. Strange compared to before. We still talked, then he disappeared completely, and that's when I felt like I'd been taken for a fool, let's say.

I started thinking he had only flattered me to sleep with me and that's it, but we had already slept together so it made no sense. He ignored me for a week and ignored two messages, so I wrote a slightly nasty message saying he had admitted that if he wanted he could be a piece of shit (basically if he wants to have sex but doesn't like the girl, he dumps her) and he replied right away, offended.

Then we cleared things up and he said he was the one who thought it had been a fling because I wasn't writing anything, and I told him it was he who hadn't given me the time of day. I asked if it had been one for him, basically, a thing like this, but he wrote back without answering the question. Then he disappears or replies much more slowly.

Before my vacation we saw each other when I said goodbye to my coworkers at the store and we talked normally. He goes, I still haven't replied to you, I'm being weird, and he seemed perplexed (I went on vacation earlier because the manager moved it for me) and sorry. Oh right, you're leaving after all...

We texted afterward and he asked me if I was up or still at home, but still not much.

I don't understand whether, as some say, he's a manipulator, or whether there was a misunderstanding, or if he is like this due to a naturally narcissistic personality type and plays these stupid games.

He had told me right from the start that he had recently lost his father (whom he had cared for) and that he'd been left alone, or things like that.

Hi, please feel free to remove if I’m breaking the rules. I think what I’m going through is limerence based on the description I read but I’m not sure.

A couple of months ago, a friend and I went to watch a movie and to cut this part short, I think I came out of that movie with a LO. I wasn’t actually sure what it was at first, it started with me just being on YouTube and having it play in the background and an interview with the actress popped up and I started watching it. I do want to say, at this point, I still had no idea that I was going to be in for a (as of this moment, 2 month+) ongoing emotional rollercoaster. One interview lead to multiple interviews lead to seeing how they got casted etc.

Over the course of a week or two, I started realizing this was what the beginning of a celebrity crush was. Never had one before in my 20 something years of life, but I figured it was no big deal. I would get over it in a few days and then move on with my life. Weeks passed and I realized the grip these feelings had over me was not letting go and I started looking up what I was going through which lead me to limerence.

The realization that my situation was more intense than a simple celebrity crush came with a multi-realization (multiple realizations at the same time) that was packaged with a mix of feelings that included yearning, sadness and bewilderment. The multiple realizations were:

1: I have some kind of feelings towards the LO (I refuse to call it love because that’s not what it is, I have never met them before and will likely not know them in any meaningful way)

2: these feelings would lead to nowhere so I have to get over it to move on with my life.

3: how and why is this happening to me? This last one is associated with bewilderment.

Having had this new understanding of this situation, I reached out to my friends and basically all of them said I would get over it in a month. The emotional roller coaster has not subsided even after I attempted to cut off all exposure to the LO. Unfortunately it doesn’t help me that she is currently everywhere on the media circuit right now so news about her will just randomly pop up on my feed.

I have been trying to diagnose why it is her, but that really isn’t important at this point. because my LO isn’t actually her, it is a mental construct I have made of her based on her interviews and performances.

My issue is, even as I academically can acknowledge all these things, it feels like I’m a prisoner in a cell where I have the key to get out, but my feet won’t move.

I have recently leveled up to arguing against myself. My brain has begun concocting the most ridiculous scenarios. (Background information: At some point in the past, this person got their start in acting in the city I grew up and currently live in.) like, oh if you went to her plays like 17 years ago, then something could have happened (unlikely given that I was a kid with little to no interest in theater). If you are still reading my post, you probably recognize that this is a ridiculous reach in logic that holds no value in reality and I also recognized that which is why I asked my brain “what do you want me to do with this information?”

And I guess that’s where I am right now. Didn’t realize that the vent was gonna be this long and I guess I just wrote a lot of paragraphs. Wish me luck on getting out of this hole.

Hi

I recently discovered "limerence" as a concept. Read it from a NYT article.

Growing up, I now know I had an 8-year "limerence" of someone I met a few times as a teenager. We never crossed paths for years but I did meet a lot of people I knew in common with her (including her siblings). Basically at age 18, I decided she was "the one" (I had met her up to that point, maybe a small handful of times). But then I never saw her directly again until years later by which time she was engaged to someone else.

What I determined about myself that could keep me so motivated to end up with her, was (I now recognize as) my narcissistic personality disorder. A feature of some narcissists is that they think they are perfect or that they can achieve perfection in a myriad of ways, including finding the perfect romantic partner. In my experience, she was "the" best catch in my community, and I felt I was worthy of her. As crazy as it sounds, I felt I'd eventually prove to her I was the most eligible person so I superized (meaning I improved all my credentials) myself over all those years, thinking once I met her again, I'd be so amazing that she would immediately know I was the right person for her. Anyways - it's embarrassing and stupid that I thought that way but I did.

The point of my post. Has anyone else here determined that the limerence they had was due to narcissism in their personality?

I just learned the word limerence about a week ago. Once I read about it, I realized I’ve experienced it twice before in my 20s. Both times lasted about a year. I’m now in my late 30s and it’s happening again. For context LO is also late 30s.

A quick backstory. This is a person that I’ve met in passing 1-2 times per year for 4 years. We had a few quick friendly conversations but nothing serious. I always found her very attractive but there was no click, no crush, and definitely no limerence.

Earlier this year my friend and I ran into her at an event and talked for a bit. The three of us ended up going for drinks afterwards and talked for several hours. She was very engaging and it was a great conversation.

Over the next two weeks I realized I was developing a crush on her. I know she was single at the time and I had a chance to shoot my shot but unfortunately I did not. I regret it now but I can’t go back.

A couple months later, in the summer, I had descended into limerence. As you all know, it’s been mentally and emotionally exhausting. By this point her and I were communicating off and on so I was experiencing the highs and lows of that. At one point we discussed an upcoming event that we both want to go to. We agreed to go together but nothing was set in stone. The event is in about six weeks. I recently found out she has seeing someone since before we discussed the event.

This is my question: do I still go with her to this event? Obviously I want to go. I want to see her. I just can’t see myself feeling good afterward especially now that I know she’s already seeing someone. I think I’m hoping that when I see her, I’ll realize that she’s not the person that I have built up in my head and the limerence will fade. Now, there is a chance that she’ll forget about this event as the plans weren’t firm. I’m not going to push for this now but if she brings it up again, I want to know what to do. I’m not one to break plans after I have agreed and I’d feel bad making an excuse to not go. I just don’t know what to do.

Thanks for reading this and I’d appreciate any advice you have.

Last week I thought I had gotten completely over my LO...aaaaaaanyway today she told me that she and her mother are always talking about me, and now my LO wants me to meet her mom.

Needless to say, I relapsed.

Someone kill me please I can't do this anymore

**I’m in a really confusing situation and honestly don’t know how to look at it anymore.**

**I’ve had a crush on a woman who is around 40 for almost 10 years. Our families have known each other for about 20 years. I used to send her Instagram requests occasionally, but she never accepted. Last year, she finally accepted and messaged me saying she knew who I was because of our families.**

**I started texting her almost every day for a few months. Eventually, she suddenly blocked me. At first I thought she had deactivated her account, but later I found out I was actually blocked. A friend of mine told me he had been talking to her on WhatsApp for around four years. I asked him to tell her that I was upset and asked her to unblock me. She eventually did, and apparently she felt bad that I was hurt by what happened.**

**We started talking again. Initially, I was mainly physically attracted to her, but after getting to know her better, I genuinely developed feelings for her. She knows I have a crush on her, and eventually I told her that I love her.**

**I started visiting her quite often. I had thoughts about making a move physically, but I never actually did anything because I wasn’t sure how she would react. Eventually I told her directly that I was attracted to her and wanted something physical between us. She told me that it wasn’t possible. I said I couldn’t control my emotions, and she replied that it would be okay even if we stopped talking.**

**So I started distancing myself. After only two days, she messaged me asking, “Bhul gaye mereko?”**

**That confused me even more.**

**Later, on her birthday, she invited me to her home. I told her I wanted a hug, but she kept making excuses. I thought about making a move, but then her husband came upstairs and I had to leave.**

**Afterward, I asked her directly whether she would have hugged me if her husband hadn’t come upstairs. She told me that she only hugs her husband and nobody else.**

**At this point, I don’t understand the situation. If she knows I have strong feelings for her and knows I’m attracted to her, why continue talking to me, invite me over, or tease me sometimes if she has absolutely no intention of anything physical?**

**There is also another thing that has completely messed with my head. A friend told me a few years ago that she had been sexually involved with a guy around my age. I asked him for proof and he said he would call that guy in front of me, but he never did. He kept making excuses. So I don’t know whether he was lying or whether he was trying to create problems between us. Interestingly, that friend was also blocked by her at some point.**

**Now I’m genuinely confused.**

**I do have real feelings for her, but I also know that I’m young and realistically I’ll probably marry someone around my own age eventually. I can move on if I have to, but I’m struggling because part of me still feels like I need to know whether there was ever a possibility of something physical between us.**

**What would you do in my situation? Am I reading too much into her behavior, or is she giving me mixed signals?**

edit:- she’s one of the most beautiful women in our area

I’m in the middle of writing a paragraph to send to him and I’m realising that he hasn’t even lifted a finger and yet I’m out here completely spiralling and trying to communicate how devastated I’m feeling of how we’ve become distant after months of being close.

It’s actually so embarrassing that I’m feeling so so much and feeling like my world is collapsing on itself when it’s just another day from his end, not even aware or not even caring how I might be feeling.

How can I be mad at him when I’ve done this to myself?

Surely there’s come element of him leading me on in some way? I did feel something real between us… I’m really struggling.

I basically asked my LO if he was free to call on discord with the intention of me secretly recording so I could record his voice while we talk... and I think he figured out my plan because I told him I figured out how to get OBS (recording software) to capture audio from discord (from another conversation prior)

Then in the evening, I saw he was online on discord and I msged him, "if you're not doing anything, do you want to talk in my ear while I work on an assignment" and he goes "I'm not really free rn sorry" and he went offline straight away.

Mind you, we used to call and game a lot together for months, but now it's all changed and I am just numb rn.

She used to be a very close friend of mine, and also the person I liked. We used to chat almost every day and hung out together many times.

Later, I added one of her less public, private accounts, which made her feel very uncomfortable. Because I was afraid of losing this relationship, I expressed a lot of heavy longing for her, and she said she didn't know how to interact with me anymore. After that, she blocked me, said that things between us were over, and asked me not to pay excessive attention to her anymore.

At that time, I didn't stop properly. I created alt accounts, sent messages and then unsent them, and even deliberately went to a public event that she would attend. Looking back now, these actions made her even more uncomfortable, but I really wanted to mend things with her.

After that, I didn't contact her for almost 2 years. During this time, I learned first aid and new skills, prepared for a Japanese language exam, and learned programming (C, Java). Honestly, I have improved a lot during this period, and she was a huge motivation for my hard work.

About a month ago, I sent a message saying, "Long time no see, how are you?", and it still hasn't been read until now. Also, 3 days ago on her birthday, I sent her a "Happy Birthday" message. I really hope a miracle will happen.

Right now, I am thinking about whether I should cosplay a character she likes and go to an anime convention to find her, so that I can see her.

I really miss her so much and often dream about her in my dreams. When will I ever see her again?

You’re welcome! (For people who like nu metal)

Definitely resonate with the lyrics. Give this a listen!

The avoidance is what is doing this to me isn't it? I am one of his closest friends, but he is not one of mine despite my best efforts. He pulls me in and then pushes me away, that's whats driving me crazy.

He constantly asks to plan things with me, but then invites other people without telling me. Extends our hangouts, but disappears for 30 min in the middle of them. I do nice things for him but it freaks him out and he disappears or never acknowledges them. Its like he's afraid to be alone with me.

I know its not personal, like I said i am one of his closest friends. He is obviously very fond of me. He copies the things I do, vents to me, is planning a future with me in it. But he is incapable of closeness. It scares him and he pushes me away, and it really hurts me. I cant fix him, and i cant keep doing this.

I left the discord a long time ago cause I was not doing well but am looking for more community and I really enjoy everyone.

If someone can share the discord. It’d be much appreciated

The worst part about a limerence object isn't even the distance. It’s the way they manage to turn every exit into an open door.
I cut contact a while back because the mental real estate was eating me alive. I expected a clean break, or at least a bitter silence. Instead, he just looked at me and said, "We don’t need to say goodbye. I’ll always be with you anyway."
It was phrased like a comfort, but it felt like a ghost assigning itself to my shadow.
That’s the trick he always played on me. He never had to hold onto me tightly—he just dropped these quiet, pseudo-poetic anchors in my head and let my own brain do the heavy lifting for him. Even in complete silence, he left a sentence behind that makes walking away feel like carrying him with me.

I know I made the right choice blocking him out, but that final line still rings in the background sometimes.

Has anyone else’s LO pulled a quiet mind game like this right at the finish line? How do you finally shake off words meant to linger?

Addon: I just wanna clarify that this isn’t romantic. He tried telling me after he said this when I told him we will not be contacting each other again. He then said, “ I will always try reaching out when I have the time,” after I told him contact was CUT

I’ve been trying to slowly step away from looking and interacting with my LO and I’m now slowly taking the steps to delete more memories, texts and pictures but I still have a few, is it worth it to totally delete every reminder associated with them to heal and move on? It’s gonna be uncomfortable either way so should I just get on with it or should I continue to slowly get rid of stuff when I feel ready?