Hello, I'll keep this brief because I've been bottling this question up and am having a lot of feelings that just need to be answered.

I've been honouring my hunger for maybe 4 days and while it's gotten a bit better since that first day (surprising to me!), I am having lots of guilt over the mental hunger. Last night I went to sleep while still mentally hungry, thinking of the food I'd eat the next day and all that. Thankfully, I managed to sleep, but I woke up hungry physically and it felt like I had to eat fast...

I feel like I want to eat all the time even though I have no space in my stomach and no real hunger cues. It makes it difficult to honour the want for food as well because it feels like I should be satiated and satisfied but I'm just not. What's worse is that I can almost ignore the food thoughts, but they keep popping up and it's difficult to concentrate during lectures and while doing things regarding studies or anything of the like.

I know the obvious answer is that this is real extreme hunger, but how can I be sure? I feel like I'm using it as an excuse to eat stupid amounts of food.

What's worse is that after eating a large (for me) amount of calories just three hours ago, I'm super hungry again and feel like eating.

This seems like a rant at this point, but I'm just stressed that I'm eating too much and letting myself go. Really need some reassurance ^^`

this is not to discourage anyone from seeking professional help at all!! i think it can be very helpful when done correctly, but the specific services available to me were soo frustrating and personally did more harm than good for me.

i was hospitalised for 12 months and in outpatient therapy for an additional 6, which they constantly reminded me was 'far longer than most patients' and i should 'be improving by now' (not helpful at all). family therapy was forced, which i understand is a common intervention for young people with EDs (i was under 18 at this time), but idk man i feel like when my father insulted my body in front of literal therapists and said 'look at her, she clearly doesn't need help' just after being discharged from inpatient, we should probably cut the cameras and stop forcing me to be in a room with him, no? (i didn't live with my father and never saw him outside of sessions so this was basically the only time i was forced to interact with him). additionally, i told my doctor that i was purging during outpatient treatment and they said 'at least you're not losing weight' like okay??

i have also gotten the same triggering comments that many others have unfortunately experienced, such as doctors assuming that i have reached full recovery just because i'm weight-restored and being told 'careful not to go to the other extreme' even though extreme hunger is very normal and very real.

i actually made more recovery progress years AFTER treatment. i'm not fully recovered by any means and i have a lot of work to do, but i honour my hunger more than i ever did when doctors were in my ear telling me what the correct amount to eat was. tbh, i feel like the mental aspect of recovery is overlooked again and again - i know that physical health suffers severely due to EDs and that needs to be addressed before mental change can take place, but i feel like some places neglect it completely which isn't great either.

this is probably such a useless rant but i really hope i can live to see a day where ED treatment gets a more compassionate and client-centered approach, at the very least. idk if anyone else shares a negative experience of treatment that was meant to help, but i can't help but think about it

(i’m currently in early stages of recovery)

as time has gone on, i have started to have awful thoughts and feeling immense guilt about the way i have abused and damaged my body due to my ED and it’s causing me to almost spiral and want to give up on recovery completely.

the thoughts just make me feel really horrible about myself, to the extent it makes me feel like i don’t actually deserve to recover because why should i get some redemption when i have done this awful thing to myself. my body only wants to carry me through this life and protect me and i completely went against that and hurt it.

these thoughts and feelings are now starting to impact my ability to continue to work against the ED. i notice i’ve started to dip back into eating less again and becoming more restrictive. i want to recover as i can’t live with the consequences of having an eating disorder anymore and the way it disrupts my life but because of this i’m now having a really hard time.

I'm upstairs in the library sitting at an independent study carrel, trying so hard not to cry around strangers. I might go home soon, but even then the morning didn't treat me nicely and I'm scared similar things will happen again.

For your knowledge, I am in recovery and my body is where it needs to be.

My school has four classes in one semester: some compulsory credits and more elective course options that we get in higher grades. In two of those compulsory classes, I have a teacher for [Catholic] religion and the skilled trades. He's in his mid-30s and I know that he prefers chatting with certain "popular" kids, while I am interested in other things and have different priorities. I respect that.

Most of the time, we usually read off of the slides in his classes. I spent religion working on the powerpoint and heard him talking to the guys behind us. Exercise topics can seriously upset me, but I've learnt to focus more on my work because their conversations are regular and they really don't mean anything for recovery.

Following lunch came tech. We partnered up and were assigned a bridge project. Mr. went to see what we were up to. I overheard something from the right, and it happened:

Mr: "Do you work outbud?"

Classmate: "Nah, but I play [classmate's favourite sports]."

Mr: "Oh, really? You look like you got thinner, yeah. Are you trying to lose weight?"

Classmate: "Yeah, I'm trying to."

Mr: "Cool. You look like you lost some weight. Looks good on you."

Nothing about course content. Just "hey guys, remember to do your work" and this soon after. A slight tinge of nausea rushed over while I felt my stomach drop in disbelief. On the plus side, the guy from my religion class was not there, nor did anyone add onto the teacher's words.

Then the bell rang. Even though my mom made some unknowing comments about my recovery progress in the morning, I grabbed my phone and texted her that I didn't feel good. Still upset that I got mad at her too.

I care so much about academics but I'm a teen compared to the adults in this sub. Honestly I've been so working hard to avoid triggers and they're just there regardless.

I'm also really unsure about next steps, because I don't want to trouble the office or guidance. Maybe I do need a hug. I've just been creeped out this semester.

Thanks guys :)

I'm lowkey struggling. My main struggle is sensitive stomach and not feeling hungry/feeling nauseous after eating very little. It's very hard. But I'm doing good. I'm slowly starting to go longer without getting spacey, and I can walk long distances again!

Maybe TW about mothers in this paragraph

I feel like I might not belong on here because my ED was very lowkey until I was moving and had a bunch of other things stressing me out. And I used that as an excuse to restrict heavily. That phase lasted I think a few months? Maybe only a couple. I don't even remember; I didn't track it. Anyways, after I found an apartment, I had the mental energy to really look at how far I'd taken it, and I decided that this will never be a path that will lead me to any sort of happiness or success. I was underfed as a child and gaslit about my hunger signals ("you're hungry again already? you just need time to digest..."etc) and my mother was fatphobic too and would talk behind relatives backs about them gaining weight.

Anyways, I feel somehow stupid that my recovery is taking so long. I feel like I should be better by now (it's been 7 weeks) since my restriction didn't even last that long. I hate that I'm getting spacey still and have to eat when I'm not hungry to avoid losing braincells. But honestly when I decided to recover I couldn't walk up a staircase without feeling like needing to lay down afterward. God, that was really bad.

The whole travelling thing is annoying on top of it. I have a limited amount of foods I can eat without getting nauseous and it's constantly changing. And I keep accidently booking places without kitchens! I need to make my gross bland recovery foods! Lol. But really, I'm making do. And I'm really proud of myself for ending this cycle.

Ugh

Any common experiences would be appreciated