My bf dumped me when I started eating having a hard time on fall break

ive been in recovery for about a month now, after a relapse that lasted about seven months. it feels like that wasnt even a long time, and because of my bingeing habits i didnt even lose that much weight.

now, though, i'm experiencing extreme hunger, have been since the day i decided to go all in. it's like nothing i've ever experience before, and i have no one to talk to about it. i'm eating tons of food and gaining tons of weight, i'm now the heaviest i've ever been and honestly ive been fine with that. it's just scary because i continue to gain and i don't know when this will stop.

i'm also having a hard time knowing that people are seeing me gain weight. i know they can tell, my legs are bigger and my stomach sticks out sometimes depending on what i wear. i know they see me eating ridiculous amounts of food, and one of my roommates even commented on it last night, mentioning how i seem to eat a ton in one corner of the kitchen as if i'm doing something wrong. it made me even more self conscious because now i know people are actually aware of my eating habits.

i just don't know what to do and i can't even open up that much about this to my therapist, because she's not trained in eating disorders. i'm far more educated on this stuff than her, she's just there for emotional support. i wish i could just send out a signal that told people i have an eating disorder, i'm in recovery, and yes i'm going to eat a lot and gain a lot of weight because that's what's best for me right now. sorry this post is very rambley, there's just so much on my mind.

Whenever I try to recover it starts of strong then I remember how many other issues I have in my life and how alone I am, and I remember why I fell into this disorder in the first place and why I feel like I need it. Without even just the small bit of comfort and safety it provides I immediately fall into depression and suicidal ideation. I'm not in a position to receive therapy/support and I have zero support network I am all alone

(i’m currently in early stages of recovery)

as time has gone on, i have started to have awful thoughts and feeling immense guilt about the way i have abused and damaged my body due to my ED and it’s causing me to almost spiral and want to give up on recovery completely.

the thoughts just make me feel really horrible about myself, to the extent it makes me feel like i don’t actually deserve to recover because why should i get some redemption when i have done this awful thing to myself. my body only wants to carry me through this life and protect me and i completely went against that and hurt it.

these thoughts and feelings are now starting to impact my ability to continue to work against the ED. i notice i’ve started to dip back into eating less again and becoming more restrictive. i want to recover as i can’t live with the consequences of having an eating disorder anymore and the way it disrupts my life but because of this i’m now having a really hard time.

I'm upstairs in the library sitting at an independent study carrel, trying so hard not to cry around strangers. I might go home soon, but even then the morning didn't treat me nicely and I'm scared similar things will happen again.

For your knowledge, I am in recovery and my body is where it needs to be.

My school has four classes in one semester: some compulsory credits and more elective course options that we get in higher grades. In two of those compulsory classes, I have a teacher for [Catholic] religion and the skilled trades. He's in his mid-30s and I know that he prefers chatting with certain "popular" kids, while I am interested in other things and have different priorities. I respect that.

Most of the time, we usually read off of the slides in his classes. I spent religion working on the powerpoint and heard him talking to the guys behind us. Exercise topics can seriously upset me, but I've learnt to focus more on my work because their conversations are regular and they really don't mean anything for recovery.

Following lunch came tech. We partnered up and were assigned a bridge project. Mr. went to see what we were up to. I overheard something from the right, and it happened:

Mr: "Do you work outbud?"

Classmate: "Nah, but I play [classmate's favourite sports]."

Mr: "Oh, really? You look like you got thinner, yeah. Are you trying to lose weight?"

Classmate: "Yeah, I'm trying to."

Mr: "Cool. You look like you lost some weight. Looks good on you."

Nothing about course content. Just "hey guys, remember to do your work" and this soon after. A slight tinge of nausea rushed over while I felt my stomach drop in disbelief. On the plus side, the guy from my religion class was not there, nor did anyone add onto the teacher's words.

Then the bell rang. Even though my mom made some unknowing comments about my recovery progress in the morning, I grabbed my phone and texted her that I didn't feel good. Still upset that I got mad at her too.

I care so much about academics but I'm a teen compared to the adults in this sub. Honestly I've been so working hard to avoid triggers and they're just there regardless.

I'm also really unsure about next steps, because I don't want to trouble the office or guidance. Maybe I do need a hug. I've just been creeped out this semester.

Thanks guys :)

this is not to discourage anyone from seeking professional help at all!! i think it can be very helpful when done correctly, but the specific services available to me were soo frustrating and personally did more harm than good for me.

i was hospitalised for 12 months and in outpatient therapy for an additional 6, which they constantly reminded me was 'far longer than most patients' and i should 'be improving by now' (not helpful at all). family therapy was forced, which i understand is a common intervention for young people with EDs (i was under 18 at this time), but idk man i feel like when my father insulted my body in front of literal therapists and said 'look at her, she clearly doesn't need help' just after being discharged from inpatient, we should probably cut the cameras and stop forcing me to be in a room with him, no? (i didn't live with my father and never saw him outside of sessions so this was basically the only time i was forced to interact with him). additionally, i told my doctor that i was purging during outpatient treatment and they said 'at least you're not losing weight' like okay??

i have also gotten the same triggering comments that many others have unfortunately experienced, such as doctors assuming that i have reached full recovery just because i'm weight-restored and being told 'careful not to go to the other extreme' even though extreme hunger is very normal and very real.

i actually made more recovery progress years AFTER treatment. i'm not fully recovered by any means and i have a lot of work to do, but i honour my hunger more than i ever did when doctors were in my ear telling me what the correct amount to eat was. tbh, i feel like the mental aspect of recovery is overlooked again and again - i know that physical health suffers severely due to EDs and that needs to be addressed before mental change can take place, but i feel like some places neglect it completely which isn't great either.

this is probably such a useless rant but i really hope i can live to see a day where ED treatment gets a more compassionate and client-centered approach, at the very least. idk if anyone else shares a negative experience of treatment that was meant to help, but i can't help but think about it

Hello, I'll keep this brief because I've been bottling this question up and am having a lot of feelings that just need to be answered.

I've been honouring my hunger for maybe 4 days and while it's gotten a bit better since that first day (surprising to me!), I am having lots of guilt over the mental hunger. Last night I went to sleep while still mentally hungry, thinking of the food I'd eat the next day and all that. Thankfully, I managed to sleep, but I woke up hungry physically and it felt like I had to eat fast...

I feel like I want to eat all the time even though I have no space in my stomach and no real hunger cues. It makes it difficult to honour the want for food as well because it feels like I should be satiated and satisfied but I'm just not. What's worse is that I can almost ignore the food thoughts, but they keep popping up and it's difficult to concentrate during lectures and while doing things regarding studies or anything of the like.

I know the obvious answer is that this is real extreme hunger, but how can I be sure? I feel like I'm using it as an excuse to eat stupid amounts of food.

What's worse is that after eating a large (for me) amount of calories just three hours ago, I'm super hungry again and feel like eating.

This seems like a rant at this point, but I'm just stressed that I'm eating too much and letting myself go. Really need some reassurance ^^`

Hey there. I've been recovered from an eating disorder and over exercising for the last few years, I've restored my weight, periods back and have a healthier relationship with movement. I stopped going to the gym but I swim, do yoga and dance. Sometimes I feel like I have to monitor myself just because I don't want to go backwards, Theres always a bit of fear that I'll start doing too much. But sometimes I still wonder if I'm doing enough. Does anyone have similar experience with movement?

Before I get started here we ARE ALREADY looking into professional help but I need guidance also. I am coming here ignorant, because this is out of my wheelhouse. I am looking to talk to people who can help me help my family.

My niece is turning 14 in February, and has started exhibiting symptoms of an ED. Restricted eating and obsessed with calories. One of the kids she went to school with made some comments about her looks, and she took it heart and has just started starving herself. My sister and mom and are their wits end, we have all tried to be supportive and provide healthier meals and options and she has just taken it way too far.
Is this a power thing?

Folks who have come out the other side, do you have any advice for me? Things you wish your family had done? I am going to talk with her about what is going on, but really I am out of my depth. I can’t fix the nasty kid at school. What can I do/we as a family do for her? What is a way I can bring this up without saying the wrong thing? I feel like I need to be direct.
We have talked to her about health before but she’s fallen into the age where she thinks we are all just dumb dinosaurs who don’t know anything about anything. Her mom’s a nurse, but she’s stopped listening to her too.
I know this sounds callous but I’m tired of listening to my family beg her to eat something, only to be told she runs off and throws up half the time.

I would appreciate any insight anyone can give me. I don’t think ignoring this situation is going to solve anything, but how do I approach this without being the bad guy? I can answer to comments in a few hours when I off work. I would appreciate input.

Thank you in advance, this is a hard time for me and mine.

Iv been joking a lot about my ed I recovery because its just something that helps me cope. My girlfriend is quite skinny, and as far as im aware always has been, and tbh I compare myself to her a lot because iv not been naturally skinny.

I know its as much her diet as her metabolism, but I made a joke about wanting her metabolism the other day and she basically reiterated that fact. That even if I had her metabolism id weigh more than she does because her diet is part of why shes so thin.

I know what she meant. Most of what she eats is fruit so not very substantial, but I cant stop thinking now. Feeling bad about my food choices, always being hungry, and I worry she judges me for my food choices. Shes trying to help me with recovery but she has no clue how to deal with EDs and some of the shit she says just fucks with my head a lot. Idk. It makes her sound bad but I know shes not judging me, she just didnt say it well ig, but it really got to me.

Tw discussion of weight gain (no numbers)

I (21) have been in AN recovery for a couple years now and have gained a decent amount of weight similar to what I was pre ed. However a driving force in my early developing of an ed was fear of surpassing a specific weight range, I was a young teen at the time and this wasnt super off from my weight at that time. In recovery I have been stressed about the feelings of entering that range and the feelings that come from it, my weight has been stagnate at just a bit below it for a while now but i am pondering whether the fear of this range is holding me back from fully recovering mentally (still experiencing anxiety around weight and food) so because of this I've been considering purposely trying to put on a bit more weight so that I can face my fear of this weight range, I however worried this is coming from a desire to have control over my body, so I am here for advice.

i wanted to make a post discussing the hard truth and realities of having an ED. right now, our culture is promoting extreme thinness , weight loss medications , and harmful trends.

I am SICK of eds being a trend .

let’s revisit why EDs are incredibly harmful.

eds affect the cardiovascular, gastrointestinal, endocrine, neurological, musculoskeletal, and other body systems. the specific complications vary for each person depending on their unique circumstance.

- restriction and malnutrition can cause a dangerously slow heart rate, low blood pressure, and weakening of the heart muscle. (more likely to cause serious damage to the heart and may lead to a heart attack)

- purging behaviors can cause dehydration and electrolyte disturbances, which can trigger dangerous heart rhythm abnormalities.

- lack of nutrition can affect concentration, memory, decision-making, and the ability to think clearly.

- one may experience brain fog, dizziness, weakness, and difficulty functioning at work, school, or in everyday life.

- restriction can interfere with normal gastrointestinal functioning, contributing to constipation, abdominal discomfort, bloating, and delayed stomach emptying.

- purging behaviors can damage the esophagus, irritate the throat, worsen acid reflux, and erode tooth enamel.

- restriction and ed behaviors can cause muscle wasting and weakness, including loss of muscle tissue needed for normal bodily functioning.

- folks may experience a reduction in bone density and increase the risk of osteopenia, osteoporosis, and fractures.

- hormonal changes and inadequate energy availability can affect reproductive health and other normal physiological processes.

- eating disorders can disrupt reproductive hormones and menstrual functioning.

- eating disorders directly impact immune functioning and may make it harder to recover from illness.

these are not simply uncomfortable side effects. Depending on their severity, some complications can cause lasting harm or become medical emergencies.

in terms of mental health impacts: eating disorders can significantly increase anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, shame and guilt, hopelessness and helplessness, compulsive behaviors, and risk of suicidality.

in my personal experience (someone with an ED for ~13 years), i have experienced significant digestive issues, muscular damage, bone damage, weakening of my immune system, hair loss, a development of severe migraines, significant hormonal changes, increased mental health issues, low blood pressure, lowered heart rate, and tooth damage.

you deserve recovery. you deserve a long, happy life. that can’t happen while engaging in ED behaviors ⛅️

Hey everyone

i’m trying really hard not to break any rules but am unsure

basically i’ve started university like two weeks ago in a new city (not very far from my home) and i noticed pretty quickly that i slip up a lot. I don’t know what to do. i feel like i can’t concentrate at uni at all and i think the change has been too much.

i genuinely don’t think i can deal with this on my own but don’t want to admit defeat and go back to my parents. they’ll be so disappointed that i can’t do it.

and i would be disappointed too. i really wanted to study here.

any advice appreciated if anyone has been in a slightly similar situation. i really don’t know what to do.

17F, I’ve been in recovery since November last year, went all in and got my period back this May, and have been weight restored since then. I went through extreme hunger, and I gained the weight I had to. Now, just today, I’m experiencing an insatiable hunger I haven’t had in a long time. I had a normal breakfast, lunch a big snack and dinner. And I’m still absolutely ravenous. Since starting recovery I’ve only had this kind of hunger when I’d been restricting before, but now I haven’t, I’ve already eaten more than I usually do, haven’t even stepped outside today and I’m still HUNGRY. What do I do?

So I’m a year and a half into recovery after a restrictive ED of nearly 15 years. I’m always feeling jealous of people who are dieting. I think why can’t I do that if they can? I’m at the point in recovery where I can’t seem to restrict anymore. At the same time, I don’t want to but I’m having constant thoughts that I need to shrink and that I’m too big. It seems like everyone my size is trying to lose weight, so doesn’t that mean my size is bad? I have constant body checking and thoughts all day about my weight. When does it stop?

Hi! For context, I am a 24F who is recovering from a recent relapse in anorexia. Over the past 6 months or so, I’ve progressed a lot in recovery, gained weight (although I still haven’t reached my set point I think), worked on the inner work through weekly therapy & reached a point where I’m no longer consumed by the thought of food 24/7 (although I wouldn’t say the mental hunger is gone at all). My period returned once (after not having it for 2+ years), after I went on a 2 weeks holiday where my food intake increased to double of what I usually eat as I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted (and ate out for all meals and snacks). However, my period hasn’t come since then.

I recently moved to a new country on my own, and have been keeping myself accountable to eat 3 meals and snacks in between everyday. Although I do feel proud of myself for staying on track with my eating and recovery, especially since I currently don’t have a therapist and most of my new course mates seem to skip meals or eat little, I am struggling with exhaustion. For example, if I do not have a snack between my meals, I almost feel like I am going to faint sometimes and it just feels like how I used to feel when I was underfueling myself and not eating all my meals in the past. Which is so frustrating, as my brain starts to tell me “what even is the point of eating all these meals everyday if you’re gonna end up feeling as tired and not energised as you would if you ate less”.

Has anyone else in recovery experienced feeling extremely tired and demotivated to do anything? All I want to do is stay at home and eat, and I am so tired of feeling like this. I can focus really well when I’m attending uni lectures, however, on the weekends I have to FORCE myself to get up when I have plans to meet friends and I’m almost dreading it sometimes because i know i will be absolutely tired during/afterwards. Any advice would really help!

Today, I decided that I’m done having anorexia (I’ve been in a state of "quasi-recovery" for 10 years). From now on, I’m simply going to live my life the way people without anorexia do. This morning, I went to the bakery and bought some cake and a chocolate croissant. I’ve also made plans to go out for pizza with a friend, and I’ve picked out some delicious meals to shop for this week - things like pasta with cream sauce - dishes I’ve never actually cooked for myself before.

So, what else do people without anorexia do all day? I think anorexia even influences the clothes I choose to wear and the type of men I date. I feel like I first need to get to know who I am without the anorexia.

In what less-obvious areas of your life does your eating disorder have an impact?

English isn’t my native language, and I had this text translated; I hope it’s reasonably easy to read.

hi, idrk where to start with this but i’m gonna try and get everything off my chest. im 21m and have been suffering with anorexia for the past 8 months (i’ve not been to the doctors or anything yet but im currently uw). i’ve lost basically all my friends, my family are extremely worried about me and i ultimately don’t feel like myself anymore so i need help. ive seen recovery content online but im so new to all of this i really dont know what im doing or saying, so im sorry if im saying the wrong things.

so as my first step ive deleted all tracking apps and have taken my garmin off (doesn’t seem like much but this is a big thing for me). i’m really not sure what my next steps should be now, as im struggling to find much info for males in my situation online. ive also got an assessment for some sort of cbt therapy booked for early november which my mum suggested. my parents suggested a family meal which they have cooked, so tonight im going to try my best with that. it’s been so long since i ate anything which someone else has cooked.

any advice for me in general with getting started in my recovery would be greatly appreciated and if anyone has any questions about just my situation then please ask away.

TW: weight gain, anxiety around d*ath, hospitalization

Hi everyone, I’ve been in recovery for about six weeks now after experiencing a wake up call where I was hospitalized due to low blood sugar, and it forced me into taking my health seriously and taking care of my body.

even though i’m eating more, honoring my hunger cues and properly hydrating myself some days i’m just SO TIRED, i feel weak, shaky and just “off” .

some days im also completely fine, high energy and no issues.

i got my blood work done yesterday and all my levels are normal. (even the ones that were off during my hospitalization are back to normal). other than my free t4 which was low.

is it normal to be so tired and your body so exhausted during recovery?? i’m just getting so anxious from my previous hospitalization that somethings off

Recovering from an ed and when I wasn't eating back then I wasnt hungry now tho I eat three times a day and its baffling to me that I get hungry same time everyday morning lunch dinner im always hungry is that normal??? Im trying not to be mean to myself about it but its hard sometimes my mind goes damn really?? Again??

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I am a 21 year old girl and I have always been on the heavier side. Growing up it of course led to me having some really disturbed views on my body and food. I won't get into details because no one needs to hear all that but it was just pretty standard disorder thinking and actions. It never got too bad to the level of someone interviening, although some of the reason might be that I was in a boarding school ages 13-16 so it was easier to hide shit.

The disorder behavior eased up every now and then and came back in waves. I had a couple of really good years where I learned to love myself more and more but the bad behaviors will always find me at some point.

Lately though I have been reflecting and I realized that the times where my disorder behaviors have flared up are directly correlated to times in my life that I have become more "adult". Like during puberty, that's just painful growing up, and then it got easier for a little and got way worse when I moved to live on my own at 18. And then I got better but now I have just started university and it's getting worse again.

I also have noticed that when I make a mistake my first initial thought is often about how surely everyone will understand because I am just a teenager. But I'm not. I'm an adult and I know better. Like a few weeks ago I smoked some weed and got way too high by accident, and when someone at the party got concerned about me and asked for my age, all I could think of was how much less embarrassing it would be if I was actually young enough for that. But I really have to start taking accountability for my actions because I'm an adult.

But I feel like me wanting to eat less to become small and fragile is connected to me not wanting to grow up to be seen as innocent and good. I just want someone to take care of me a little bit but also hate when people offer to help me with anything. And when I make a mistake I want to have the excuse of being a child. And I want to be small and protected but also not.

It's all pretty fucked up. I don't know what to do with this.

Just the ex hunger ever go away? I am 3 and a half months into recovery and it just feels like it’s never going away I need some motivation 😔. I also have had 2 recovery cycles.so it all has been confusing for me.

Hi All,

I have loved this community so much and it has helped me through recovery a lot. I have been in pretty much all-in recovery since start of August, with the occasional set backs (sometimes a week of restricting) etc… I am now struggling a lot because I have reached a normal bmi (I understand and know this scale is irrelevant).

However my mental food noise has gotten to an all time high. I will fully have any meal I want without restriction and one that I am craving and does include fats, protein, and carbs. I also let myself eat any snacks. I am struggling because I can’t even study without needing to eat or thinking about food. I am physically never hungry (except sometimes in morning when I wait) and I am always bloated by lunch after my breakfast and normally a snack in between.

I am just wondering if anyone has any stories/advice on how to navigate this. It has genuinely been so distressing as I feel I have been honouring all my hunger, but it’s almost as if the more I do the more I want to eat.

Hi all,

I posted a little while ago pulling myself out of a slip, well unfortunately I've been sent to a HLOC.

This two day experience has thus far been tumultuous to say the least, and as expected my mind is all over the place and my duration of stay is currently unconfirmed.

Anyone who has had experiences in these settings - how can I get the most out of it? I find my issues trying to creep in and disrupt the process which I'm FINALLY starting to acknowledge that little justifications in certain behaviours exponentially grow, resulting in further mental back pedals (which for the record I am actively fighting my damn hardest!)

I'm super lucky to have a great support system at home and the hospital is definitely providing what they can! I guess primarily I'm asking:

1. ⁠What made the process easier
   
2. ⁠Any strategies for tolerating the distress
   
3. ⁠How to take what you learnt (from a very clinical and structured setting) back to real world living!

For a decade it’s been quiet on the Ed front. Then 5 months ago I started focusing on health bc I’m getting older and losing muscle. It was going great and kind of made me feel even more confident that all the ED stuff was in the past.

And now for 2 weeks all of the disordered thoughts are just so loud. It’s getting to be constant. I’ve slipped into so many numbers and tracking and analyzing. Compensating hasn’t been happening but it seems very possible.

I have a therapist of many years but I don’t want to mention this. Idk how to quiet it all down and stay making good choices. I have goals I don’t want to abandon. I’m at a point where well intended friends also can’t seem to not comment on my body.

What are my options here to shrink this back down to size in my head??

I also see a somatic touch work practitioner and I high key think that broke my hunger and fullness cues last session.