I have a list of 31 testimony breaking points as personal reminders as to why I’m not attending right now, and my husband has serious concerns with the church too. We just get a text asking if SP with a GA can meet with us and help answer our concerns. The SP is a friend. We are going to talk through our response tonight. I don’t want an ego all knowing GA to come in and boost up my husband and say all the things we know he will say. But do we want to be cowards? Do I hate this feeling - yes ! what to do what to do… Ps we are life long endowed members and not young (not saying ages for privacy )

When I attend sacrament meeting, I sit next to my wife and I have my arm around her almost the entire time. I honestly love touching my wife and being near her. I've noticed as I look around the chapel that basically zero other couples are touching each other, even if they're sitting together. Its honestly pretty jarring and I need someone to explain this to me as I do not understand.

We all know it was a chocolate rock in a white hat that allowed him to sneak in paper and still be able to read it

The church creates more addicts than it helps.

The church causes more suicides than it prevents,

the church breaks apart more families than it keeps together.

I’m a gay Mormon (28M). I didn’t know if this would be approved in the Mormon Reddit, but I’m genuinely curious: how do other gay men that most closely identify with Mormonism meet? I’d say I’m still 10% in the church, but mainly only for family gatherings to keep the peace. Church wards are so pressed into dating the opposite sex or focusing on family, and the dating apps are never chill in the people that exist, in terms of people that are so far the opposite of myself. Anyone have any advice on how to find other gay men that are like me?

Note: I’m not trying to take a stance on anything, I’m genuinely looking to meet more people/date another man that is close to my beliefs.

Ok folks I want to hear from those of you who were raised poor and in the "church." If the bishop was coming over on the 2nd of the month to give your dad rent money I want to hear about the experience. I've been out for 25 years but only started deconstructing and recognizing trauma for the last maybe 5.

How did the rest of the ward view you? What was it like being raised in a prosperity cult, while not being prosperous? Are your siblings still active?

I think some of my damage is because I felt (felt people, this is my perspective) that I was less than. If rightousness brings blessings, if those with money are righteous, my parents must not be righteous. Am I getting second hand scouting equipment out of actual charity or is this ward member just gifting me something to make themselves appear more righteous.

How does/ did money affect your experience? I'm still exploring.

After a visit from the missionaries and Elders quorum, my wife and I have decided to make things official. I do NOT understand why unbaptized children who have not joined the church have "membership numbers". Honestly, didn't know mine did until I was pulling information from the online directory.

We're at a posh nordic spa that is a part of our gym"sembership. We're gathered in the heated sauna with 10 other men a women of all sizes and shapes. In walks the near completely covered couple. Her arms are covering her chest, her top is more like a tank top vs a suit, he is wearing a polyester shirt with an SUU logo on it and baggy swim trunks (we're over 1000 miles from UT) everything about them screamed that they were Mormons who felt super ashamed of their bodies . The awkwardness was so palpable.

I often hear people say that, doctrinally, you aren't supposed to tell anyone. But I'm curious, how explicit is telling someone? For example, if someone says "I named my dog after my new name", is it technically breaking the rule, or are you safe since you'd have to know the person's household to know the dog's name and thus the person's new name?

I am currently a service missionary. 3.5 months out of 18. I hate it here. I desperate need of advice from people with a different perspective.
I withdrew my applications to all the colleges I applied to (and got into) because I wanted to serve a mission. I spent all my savings on a car that my mom ended up putting in her name, not mine.

I got called to be a service missionary and live with my parents for 18 MORE months and be completely financially dependent on them.
My dad says I'm spending too much money on doctors appointments (and i just need to read the scriptures more to stop my panic attacks) and I wish I could have a job so he wouldn't complain so much about it.

I honestly love some of the core principles of the church. I hate the culture and I honestly have been feeling pretty pessimistic about the future because my girlfriend (from before my mission) and i want to get married and the only thing holding me back is the church. I've seen the way the church has changed lives, both for better and for worse. But the things I love about the church, I'm realizing I could find somewhere else, too.

I grew up in the church and BIC.
I lived out of utah till I was 10, so I didn't have the whole culture stuffed down my throat from infancy. I hate Utah culture and i'm doing everything I can do move out of state and never come back once I finish my service mission.

I went to catholic school for 2 years (8th and 9th) and had a great experience. I'm not catholic and wouldn't practice it, but it gave me some good perspective on other churches outside my own. I don't have to just go to the only church i've been exposed to my whole life.

I'm also queer. I'm bi with a very strong preference for women and i'm genderqueer enough that I strongly dislike when straight men like me or flirt with me. When I came out to my mom in 7th grade, she told me it was okay as long as I married a man. Both my parents are very openly transphobic.
I hated the church for a lot of 7th and 8th grade and didn't attend very often, but we moved (and switched wards/stakes) summer after 8th grade and started going to that ward and liked it a lot better, the leaders were nicer and more inclusive, and there were multiple queer girls around my age in the ward.

I love the temple, but it very much is the weird kind of ritualistic that can be off putting. I also know that any one man can click a button and take away my "worthiness" at any point because of their views on my queerness or other things about me.

I guess my point here is to say- should I finish out my mission even though I'll still be in Utah if I stop? anytime I try to be honest with my bishop or SP they tell me it's a temporary trial and that I'm doing my best and my testimony can help me through it blah blah blah. My girlfriend (from before my mission) is still in high school since she's a year younger than me so it's not like we'd be able to run off into the sunset together or whatever. My grandparents that i was planning on living with during college are very much heavily in the church and i'm worried they'd completely reject me and my girlfriend from living with them because I left the church or ended my mission early.

Genuinely Im so conflicted in so many directions and would just love some validation honestly

I am a widow. Remarried almost 2 years ago. Husband and I left the church a year ago.

His parents and my late husbands family do not know we've left. His siblings probably suspect. We have not come out directly and told people, we dont feel the need to.

I have a strong suspicion that when they find out, I will be blamed for us leaving. Im not used to being the bad guy or the black sheep. I also know that if we try to explain why we left, it will be dismissed (it is a specific and unusual situation).

Im not prepared for the fallout. How do I toughen up and not care?

For context, I'm still forced to go to church with my mom because I'm not yet 18. My mom's super pushy and manipulative and pretty much discredits all of my beliefs and opinions just because she disagrees. My parents' divorce got finalized in August, and my dad is much more respectful of my beliefs and lets me decide if I want to go to church or not, but still does little scripture study lessons on Sunday when he has my siblings and I, which I don't mind much. My mom doesn't let me hang out with my friends because they're not Christian. I literally had to lie to my mom about my friend being Catholic (she's not) just to hang out with her on her birthday. She got me so indoctrinated as a child that I said some pretty messed up shit in *elementary school* to other kids related to Mormonism and God.

I told her when I was thirteen that I didn't believe in God and that I didn't want to go to church anymore because whenever I went and was forced to participate in the lesson, my chest would get tight and I felt like I was going to cry. At the very least I wanted to skip temple trips and Girls' Camp, because those activities are incredibly stress-inducing for me.

That conversation ended in her screaming at me as I ran to the bathroom to run my hands under cold water to prevent a panic attack (spoiler alert: it didnt work).

My mom has been getting on my case CONSTANTLY about not going to church when I'm with my dad. "is it because you want to spend more time with him? ill just give you one more hour on thursday nights" she says. She knows PERFECTLY well why I don't want to go to church and just pretends that I've never said anything about it before.

I'm making this post today because just a few hours ago, she was getting onto mine and my siblings' case for not calling her every night over fall break when we were with our dad, and that we needed to bring church clothes with us whenever we were with him. I told her that I don't want to go to church because I don't believe in God, and I'm constantly getting weird looks and snide comments from other girls in Young Womens for wearing men's clothing anyways. My mom just got mad at me for wearing men's clothes in the first place (I typically wear a white dress shirt with a tie, black blazer, and black dress pants) and that I needed to wear a dress or skirt anyways because it isn't Sabbath appropriate for a girl to wear men's clothing. She then stopped and said, "Wait, you don't believe in God?"

"... No. I've told you several times." (my little sister piped in and agreed with me as well)

"dont you believe in the greek gods??"

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM (excuse my language)

First of all, I thought that she thought that I believed in God before this conversation based off of what you were saying (even though i've told her several times but even ignoring that), second of all, no, i dont, and i never have. I have an interest in Greek mythology and have read a lot of books on it (song of achilles, the odyssey, all the percy jackson books when I was younger, etc.), but that does not at all mean that I believe in the greek gods. When I told her so, she gave me a weird look and said, "Huh. that's what your dad told me, at least."

aaaand okay. it was just trying to turn me against my dad. of course.

my mom has a history of blaming a lot of shit on my dad and trying to "turn us against him", im not going to get into it because i am royally off-topic right now but a few examples include thinking that he's always hacking her devices, claiming my dad moved her lotion bottle a couple inches to scare her for some reason even though he lives like an hour away and does not have a key to the house, etc., etc. This is entirely irrelevant but I think it gives you a fuller scope of just how shitty she acts sometimes.

Anyways, the point is, I'm so sick of my mom always telling me to "pray about it" when I say that I don't believe in God when that makes... literally no sense. The whole problem is that I don't believe in God. How would praying, something that requires faith in God, change that?? I've already read the Book of Mormon and I know it's bullshit. This woman has straight-up given me full-blown panic attacks when she screams at me for not being the perfect little Mormon girl she's always wanted me to be.

"Go to church, the community's good for you! There are scientific studies on this!"

"I know God loves you, you just have to pray about it if you start losing faith!"

"I hate how all of your friends are so secular, why don't you make friends with some of the Young Women instead?"

"No, it's inappropriate for you to wear men's clothes to church. Go change into a dress now. God's so disappointed in you."

"Your life hasn't gotten hard enough for you yet to realize how much you're going to need both me and God to help you through hard times."

"I need you to hold my hand and sit with me at church, [my name]. God wants us to be a happy family and you're making that difficult for the rest of us."

This entire post is basically just one big vent, but truly the only thing keeping me from losing my shit and punching this woman's face in is my friend's common sense and venting to complete strangers on the internet, so thank you for bearing with me and reading this complete mess of a post. It's hard for me to truly express how frustrating this situation for me is through words, but it definitely helps to just barf out a total word salad onto the internet. I'd definitely appreciate any advice you guys have, or if you see something that I don't in this situation. No worries if you don't have advice, again I'm basically just here to vent. Please do let me know if I'm oversharing, I do have a habit of doing that when I'm really emotional.

Lmk if you want me to clarify anything and thank you for reading <3

i found this in my car today, but i have no idea how long it couldve been there. i live in a mormon household but ive been out for coming up on 2 years. i leave my car locked and windows shut, and it was inside the car door. my only guess is i couldve left my car unlocked and while it was in my driveway someone opened the door and placed that there. would the missionaries do this kinda crazy car break in thing or would it be someone else? really confusing and creepy thing to find in your car after school considering i leave everything locked. any guesses?

There are some pretty strong anti-psychiatry opinions in the book. Is that more just the author’s thing or is it fairly common in the LDS community?

also I am only 2/3 through the book so it may be a plot necessary device, but damn, wad expecting a supernatural thriller, got a crash course in Mormon family/church drama….

I have met a couple of Mormons in real life, but they didn’t talk much about their religion. Does it vary a lot on how active in church life you can be or do you really get pressed hard to be active a lot? Are there Mormons that show up for major holidays and maybe a couple other times a year and are still accepted in the communit?

Decult is a very exciting cult awareness and advocacy conference happening in New Zealand this weekend. They also have livestreamed sessions for non-NZ watchers.

The MC for the Survivor's Story Jam is former Mormon bishop Ganesh Cherian.

Hoping to meet some other ex-mormons while there! Regardless it should be a great conference. My sister said, "Oh my god you're going to make so many friends. Ex-cult people are the best."

Hello everyone! I’m a 25F and identify as a non denominational Christian. Not too long ago I met some nice sister missionaries due to not realizing this Christian group online was associated with the LDS church. Anyways, I ended up really really liking them and because we had this thing to do together that didn’t really have anything to do with faith, I feel like we actually became friends and I’m still on their email lists. We talk regularly (well.. weekly if possible) and I sent one of them gifts for her birthday this past week.

Here is where I need insight. I love those girls so much and I love being like a big sister to them but I can’t ignore this creeping thought that maybe I’m just sort of a failure or less than in their eyes because I’m not LDS myself. Like do they even actually like me as a person or is it all a carefully crafted facade? I’m preparing myself for our friendship to just be circumstantial but it would be hurtful if that were true. Lately, I’ve had an odd fascination with the LDS faith because of how different it is to mainstream Christianity so that by unpacking it, I begin to understand myself more. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family, a rough past, no father figure, and my family is quite secular. I am the only believer in my family, I attend church alone and my parents and sister are both gay. That alone gets me some unsavory reactions from other Christians so I’m not sure how they feel about me due to that as well. Could it be possibly they want me to convert? I’m not actively trying to convert but seeing how wonderful and pure their families seem in comparison to mine, I’ve been tempted to join because even being in proximity to a family like theirs feels amazing.

I’m sure the answer is no, but should I convert? Basically I’m asking someone to take off my rose colored glasses because I’m struggling to do it myself. I’m not necessarily trying to convert them either, I just want to help them out since I know being on a mission is so difficult and being a woman in the church comes with a lot of misogynistic expectations to fulfill. I’ve helped them get essentials on their P days and got them things such as umbrellas and fans to bear the brutal heat where I live. I want them to know that someone outside of their church gives a crap about them.

I know this is such a personal post but I’m asking for reassurance for something I’ve been internally struggling with for a long time. I’m tempted to convert because these girls seem so happy and I’m really struggling in my life right now. I’m functionally unemployed, can’t land an entry level job in my field, and am failing pretty hard at dating. I’m just looking for purpose and joy and it’s hard to not be attracted to it even if it’s all an illusion.

EDIT: I want to thank all the wonderful and kind souls here who took the time to reply to me and give me their honest feedback. Thank you for reorienting me and helping me follow my intuition instead of my desire to be accepted. I want to apologize if me being honest with any of my feelings and interest in the church rubbed anyone the wrong way. In no way did I mean to minimize the damage the LDS church is responsible for not only on a large scale but on an individualistic one as well. It is clear to me that the damaging messaging from the church weighs heavily on those in this subreddit and that deconstructing takes a lot of time. I am sincerely wishing each and every one of you healing and peace in your lives.

John often asks about why the Church promotes sexual predators into leadership positions. Lots of potential reasons why, but is there any way it could be to ensure loyalty to the Church - through secret-keeping around deviancy?

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/callings/2026-faith-walk?lang=eng

My TBM wife wants my kids to participate in this upcoming “Faith Walk” in their stake. I tried to be open minded about it but as I read through it, it looks seriously emotionally manipulative and not just contemplative worship but actually trying to generate “the Holy Ghost ™️”. Also, there is a whole lot of stress placed on imagining Jesus is actually speaking to them.

Add to it making teens feel emotional and then interpreting that emotion as the HG and then pivoting to God wants you in the temple, seems manipulative in the extreme. The deliberate sequencing of emotional experiences toward a predetermined religious conclusion that of course the Mormon church is true and, oh yeah, doubt your doubts.

This is really egregiously manipulative IMO. Our podcasting community should cover this event specifically and call it out for what it is.

I’m still attending Sacrament Meeting as a PIMO and it occurred to me yesterday as I watched each member throw their head back as they took the sacrament water, it looks like they’re doing shots! Humor helps to endure the pain of attending!!

I’m visiting my TBM parents soon, and a point of friction has repeatedly come up between us.

I’m queer.
I was sexually assaulted once or twice when I was a young teen, went to therapy, and have long since processed and recovered (it sucked, but it didn’t fuck me up that badly all things considered)

Because of this, my parents undermine my autonomy and personal identity by claiming I’m queer BECAUSE of what I went through.

They‘ve insinuated I hate men…. I’m a gay transmasc guy…… why tf would I hate men and then want to transition to be one, while in a relationship with a man?

It doesn’t matter how many times I explain that’s now how it works, or that I don’t like having a natural human experience being pathologized…

They keep going back to this idea that I’m still a traumatized child, and that’s why I am the way I am.

I’m fucking 25. I’ve been out as trans for over a decade, I have medically transitioned, and they still refuse to take me seriously.

It drives me up the wall. Not necessarily because I care what they think, but because it confuses the hell out of everyone else

To strangers, my parents look fucking nuts calling me a she. I have a beard and am overall quite masculine, I’ve passed as a man for around 8+ years now

People who know us look to my parents as an example of how to refer to me…. Figuring that since I haven’t cut contact, I must be perfectly fine with being misgendered. So it causes people to think it’s ok to call me a she.

I’ve asked if there was any doctrinal reason they still feel the need to misgender me

My mom said no, and that she’d pray about it.

Got back to me the next day like “yeah sorry it’s still in conflict with my faith to use your pronouns” ????

I know that there’s nothing I can do or say to convince them to accept me, but I’m fucking exhausted. It’s not safe for me to be outed as trans by my parents constantly in the current political climate.

Is there any way I can convince them to knock their bs off? Or am I just doomed to live with this

Debating whether to tell my TBM family that I no longer believe in the church's truth claims. Any advice would be appreciated.

Over the last year I've gone down the church history rabbit hole and have emerged no longer believing in the church. I'm now trying to decide if I should tell my parents and adult siblings.

I (29M, not financially dependent on family in any way) come from a large TBM family. I love my family and am close to most of them. As far as I know, no one else has had major doubts, nor are they aware of the more problematic parts of church history.

Reasons I'm considering telling them about my apostate ways:

1. I want to be open with who I am and what I think. It has been emotionally draining pretending that I'm still fully believing when church topics come up in conversation. I just want to be who I really am, not who they want me to be.
2. A couple siblings have asked me to raise their kids if they were to pass away. I feel a moral obligation to tell them that I no longer believe so they can make an informed decision about who would raise their kids.

Why I may not want to tell them:

1. I'm worried that some of my family will put up permanent walls that will prevent us from having as deep of relationships as we do now.
2. I've been able to provide small pushback against problematic Mormon ideas and teachings during conversations. I'm assuming if they know that I no longer believe, those conversations won't happen anymore.

Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated. I'm probably overthinking this whole situation, but it's felt like a big deal and some outside perspective could be helpful.

Over-the-top / absurd > YES, but still relatable.
https://youtu.be/oj_EEIumWHc?si=XvLL33MLz6k8_Gy7&t=745 (~ 5 minutes)

They stopped doing the show 15 yrs ago - not sure how I missed it. I'm a fan of jaded humor as long as it's smartly done and has a point. These guys do it well imo (hit and miss like all other sketch comedy). It's a mix maybe between Monty Python and Key/Peele sketch comedy.

Warning - They definitely suggest DV occurs in this family. Also, I think they may have confused Mormons with Jehovah Witnesses on the birthday theme - still very funny imo.

You know how the LDS people LOVE when they're referenced in the mainstream? Maybe not in this case.