I am always thinking about true love and what it really means. Does it mean compatibility, whether emotional or physical? Does it mean finding security by fulfilling our weaknesses through our partners? Or is it an animal instinct that drives us to reproduce and bring better offspring into the world, with love acting as a natural tool to facilitate this process?
Is love simply an instinct to keep our genetic legacy alive in this world, something every species tries to achieve in its own way, expressing similar emotions? Are we really any different?
I think about so many questions, yet I find no definitive answers about love. Somehow, however, I inherently know that nothing else quite belongs in the category of love.
Slowly and steadily, I have begun to understand the different emotions human beings experience and how these emotions shape us as we grow and evolve. One of the most important among them is desire — our emotional desires and our longing for recognition. People want to be recognized and praised for various qualities valued by society, such as beauty, intelligence, position, and power.
Our social system is designed to sustain itself. It pushes us to earn more money and secure a position within the machinery of society so that the system continues to function, operate, and survive. It prepares us to become part of that system. Needless to say, some people work at the top, some in the middle, and others at the bottom.
Throughout this process, an image of ourselves is created. Our attachment to that image is what we call the ego.
Can we say that the thoughts and emotions generated by the ego will lead to right action or ultimately guide us towards unconditional love?
Unfortunately, most of our actions seem to arise from desire, which often brings chaos, unfaithfulness, and further conflict into our lives.
Sometimes, we are told to keep the glass empty. An empty glass can be filled. But what does this really mean? Does it mean freeing ourselves from our biases and questioning the image we have created of ourselves?
As we search for unconditional love, it becomes important to understand one fundamental question: Who are we?
As seekers, we need to understand what lies within us and what is actually seeking fulfilment. Is it the image we have created of ourselves, constantly looking for security, pleasure, and power? What is it within us that is seeking these things?
Are we trying to escape our deteriorating relationships, the sorrow we carry, or the emotional wounds we have accumulated over time?
These causes may prevent us from understanding love because we are too occupied with fulfilling our desires and protecting our identities.
Love, however, seems to know only one path: the path of unbiased truth. Truth emerges through silence and observation — through the ability to observe every action and the emotions that give rise to it without immediately judging or justifying them.
So, what should we do to recognize this truth?
1. Recognize the image you have created of yourself.
Question it. Examine it. Be willing to shatter it if necessary. Sometimes, the image we create of ourselves is merely a mask designed to hide our weaknesses and insecurities.
2. Recognize the biases you have accumulated over time.
Question them rationally. Try to understand where they come from. Are they simply survival strategies? Has the mind created them to provide security or help us fit into society?
If you look deeply enough, you may discover that you have been carrying these biases like a burden throughout your life without ever truly examining them.
3. Observe what remains when you begin to question these images and biases.
Perhaps you will find loneliness and silence. Perhaps you will encounter a heart filled with pain, a heart that has long felt ignored, suppressed, or overpowered by responsibilities and external influences.
You may find yourself constantly comparing your life with that of others: Look at the Chatterjees. They have bought a car and a house.
Amid these comparisons and expectations, your own inner voice is rarely heard.
These three points may seem simple, yet putting them into practice can be difficult.
Some people become monks, leave society, or separate themselves from their families in an attempt to free themselves from their biases and attachments. They try to break away from their social identities, only to enter another system in which they believe they have attained moksha — liberation.
But do they truly understand maya, the illusion that can bind the mind? Perhaps they have simply fallen into another trap, becoming attached to a different identity: that of a liberated person.
Sometimes, I wonder whether people search so desperately for love that, when they cannot find it, they end up inventing God.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna also brings attention to the distinction between attachment and love.
Recognize the difference between attachment and love.
The statement sounds simple, but what I understand from it is the importance of recognizing the chain of actions that arises from attachment and distinguishing it from the actions that arise from love. Doing so requires deep observation, freedom from bias, and awareness.
Attachment brings sorrow, while love points towards liberation.
Attachment arises from desire — from the urge to become something or someone. Once we become what we have desired to be, that achievement can become another image constructed by thought. We then begin to act in ways that protect and sustain that image.
Just observe the faces of people working in offices. They may have good salaries, impressive positions, and material comforts, yet deep down, many may still be unhappy. They have been pushed or compelled by circumstances and expectations to follow a path that may not reflect what they truly want.
They carry their sadness behind artificial smiles.
I can now see and recognize the actions that arise from attachment more clearly. However, actions that arise from love remain a mystery to me, because I first need to understand what love truly is.
My search is still ongoing.
I will keep this article short for now, as the journey of exploration continues. I will share more in my next article.
But what does unconditional love mean to you?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and perspectives.