For the past 2 years I have been feeling an intense sense of dread in my stomach from the moment I wake up in the morning to the time I fall asleep at night, every single day. It appears completely contentless and doesn’t change depending on my thoughts or what’s happening in my life.

The weird thing is that I don’t really have the usual anxiety symptoms. No racing heart, no hypervigilance, no future oriented worrying, just constant pervasive dread. I do also have anhedonia and fatigue though.

It started after a random panic attack, and then just kinda stuck around in the background constantly until I had another panic attack ~5 months ago in which it got way worse and stayed way worse. For the last 5 months I’ve been living through what I can only describe as hell.

Basically I just feel horribly isolated because this symptom seems so unusual and it’s so debilitating and I’ve never heard of anyone else having this. I’d be so happy to hear from anyone that’s experienced anything even similar and if anything worked for them.

I recently started a new job 2 weeks ago. Today I had a rough day. I work in engineering and got a job as a test engineer. Today I got stuck finding quotes for all of the different equipment needed and my brain just shut down and wouldn’t let me do anything. Honestly this job is going rather fast, a lot needs to be done and thought it was manageable until today. I was anxious and struggling and couldn’t focus after a bit and just couldn’t do the things that were boring and I had to make a decision. It was a lot like my previous job which was my first job out of college. I really had struggled with getting anything done and being at desk, I was diagnosed with adhd and have been on medications my new job was going well until today.

Now I don’t even want to try next week. I want life to stop. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts a lot of the past 7 years and it’s been especially bad since I graduated college and it’s been feeling really bad today. I’m tired and I don’t feel like I can do anything because I can’t just do the easy work I need to do. I make good money, it’s a great career. I really feel like I can’t do it. I hate myself for wasting this. I did the degree, I got a great paying job that many dream of. I can’t function once I have to face anything new and I avoid and wind up failing. I am so stressed out. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do next week at work.

I’m just drinking and watching baseball because that’s the only thing I care about to distract myself with.

I don’t know how to make my brain succeed at anything. I feel like such a failure. Everything feels pointless. I am seeing a therapist and have some supportive friends but I feel like I rely on friends too much and I can’t see my therapist as often because I live farther from her with my new job. It all feels so hopeless.

I survived multiple suicide attempts. There was a time when I didn't actually want to die, but I couldn't escape the suicidal thoughts.

I even tried to get hospitalized to keep myself safe, but I was turned away. My family and mental health professionals couldn't give me the help I needed. A few friends helped me through my darkest moments, but the relief never lasted.
Eventually, I realized I had to learn how to live with myself.

It took me 3–4 years.
I kept asking myself, "If I don't have faith in myself, who else is going to love me?"
So I started treating myself like someone I was in a relationship with.

I started small. Doing the dishes, taking a shower, meditating, trying to stay positive, and learning to observe myself from a third-person perspective.
Little by little, things changed. I've been in a much better place since 2024.

Last night was rough, and a line I'd written years ago came back to me.
"If you think the things are too late to make it right, then do it right now."

What helped me might not work for everyone.
And just because I had to find my own way doesn't mean anyone else should have to face this alone.

If you're struggling right now, please don't give up on yourself. You deserve support, even if you haven't found the right kind yet.

If this post brings even a little comfort to someone who's been hurt or made to feel alone, that's all I need.

I’ve been struggling with pretty severe anxiety and depression throughout this year, though I’ve had it my whole life. I find myself really struggling with eating. I’ll feel hungry to the point my stomach gets upset and it’s so hard to motivate myself to eat food. When I do eat my portions are pretty small. I eat basically the same things every day because I hardly even taste what I eat anymore. I’m hangry and miserable all the time, but I can’t seem to get myself to eat more, I just don’t care or eating feels like such a daunting task. I do have emetophobia which has caused food anxiety over the years, and though I do get anxious about getting sick from food I eat sometimes, I’m more so like apathetic about eating? And if I do eat, and I really focus on the food I’m eating, I’ll find something gross about the texture and it’ll almost trigger my gag reflex. I don’t know what to do. I know this isn’t healthy, I’ve lost nearly 20lbs over the last couple of months. I’ve started to weigh myself more often and I almost feel a sense of satisfaction when I see I weigh less than before. I used to love food, eating, and cooking. Now, I feel like anything I eat is just for pure sustenance and it’s so so hard to get through the day. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

I'm just tired of everything. Tired of working so hard. Tired of humans and how behave. And frankly, tired of being tired.

Worked so hard for so long and nothing worked in the end. My spirit is beaten. I lied to myself over and over again that It would finally be okay. Worked like a mule. Medication. Drugs.

I'm tired of modern life. How my friends became adults and they changed. The fact that I don't have real friends. The fact that Im barely making it. I totally understand why some people go crazy and become tweakers in the metro and behave crazy and unpredictably.

People are too fucking dumb to see that the The society is shit and We are building systems that do benefit us at all. Everyone is doing what they are told and following the steps that the society has laid for us. Nobody questions the direction where we are heading as a human race.

I really feel like ending it. Feel like humans as a species were not designed to live in a world like we have created. Or we weren't supposed to live past 30. The human psyche was not designed for living in the modern world.

Hi everyone

It’s hard to find the right words but I guess I’ll just ask away. I M/19 have always been self conscious about myself in general. I didn’t have a great upbringing, I hate the way I look and I have lots of regrets. Im still young and have my whole life ahead of me but recently I have felt like my life was missing something, I have lost 30kg in 4 months, my grades are great, but I have a sense of loneliness. I have friends and family but I still feel alone. Sometimes I lie at night and I just wish there was someone next to me who I can lay my head on and just forget about all of my pain. But due to my self consciousness I really don’t know what to do. I have just been constantly panicking that im going to be alone forever, not necessarily that isn’t anyone for me but that I’ll never truly love myself enough to let myself be open to that. What do I do?

gained like hella lbs after being forced to quit. i don’t want to go back and risk addiction again but holy shit the body image piece is tearing me apart and making me so depressed.

i cry when i eat, feel full or bloated, and cry and insult myself to sleep every night. i had an eating disorder like a couple years ago which i was at my most depressed and suicidal. that’s probably why these resurfacing behaviors and feelings hurt so much.

i just need to get this out there cause there’s no one i can talk to about it. don’t recommend therapy or treatment or any of that crap cause i’ve tried it and shrinks and looney bin’s totally blow. plus it doesn’t help if you’re a unmotivated, self hating, addiction prone prick.

to conclude, my life felt so much better on ❄️, and without the snows’ benefits my life is falling apart again. the weight loss is really my biggest thing on going back to it right now. it’s been like 3 weeks.

It's pretty much guaranteed that I'm not gonna have a life I'll be happy with. Even though nobody will say it to my face, I'm pretty sure I'm a failure.

I might end up on disability benefits because of a couple diagnosis, since I might not even be able to hold the most basic job, and I don't think I'm gonna be able to travel much, if at all.

This isn't life. This isn't worth living for and waking up in the morning. This isn't worth living the rest of my natural life for. But I pretty much have no other choice.

I almost jumped off a bridge when I was 18. I am now 26, and I deeply regret not doing that. Sticking around wasn't worth it afterall.

I am really struggling to write this right now so I’m sorry if it’s a bit all over the place. About six months ago I was admitted to a mental health clinic for depression and what I at the time didn’t know was BPD. I went for many reasons, for one, I had a crippling addiction to Marijuana, I smoked it all day every day, and couldn’t stop. I had burned a ten foot hole in my wallet and my partners’, I was unable to follow through on anything, and my symptoms just kept getting worse.

That clinic stay really helped me. For the first time in years, I was sober for more than a day. It didn’t take long to feel great. Like life was finally my own again. My brainfog disappeared and it felt like I had regained my basic function again. Like a blind man who can see again. It hurt me so much to realise how long I had avoided solving the problem and even though I felt better I was so disappointed in myself for allowing it to get this far

Well when I left the clinic I went right back to it, lying, smoking, god the fucking lies I can’t take it anymore I can’t be honest with anyone I am weighed down by the shame of my actions so much that I can’t i just can’t articulate it to anyone because to do so requires me to say it out loud and I think the only reason I haven’t seriously hurt myself since before the clinic is that I just keep hiding from that moment when it all sinks in because I just fucked it all up all over again I undid all my progress and now I’m living an even bigger lie

All my family and friends and peers think that it helped and cured me and fixed me and I just don’t have the heart to tell them I havent changed, I have found in the past few weeks that it has really escalated, my old habits are coming back not just the weed but the destructive tendencies surrounding my addiction, selling off things I care about and racking up debt just to smoke it away. I feel so afraid in these moments of clarity because I just want to scream or cry or explain to someone I just want someone to tell me that even though I keep doing this even though I keep lying and hurting people and treating them like a means to an end that its not over for me and I can somehow just snap out of it because Im starting to think I cant and that I am just doomed to fail I cannot deal with responsibility I cannot deal with discomfort and most of all I cannot deal with shame

I am in therapy and in dbt but even there I dont feel like I can be honest, I give a sanitised version of the truth because it’s what I can muster, really I just want the strength to confess, to tell someone, anyone, just so that it stops eating me up inside. I can’t sleep, I can’t look at myself in the mirror, and when I finally get distracted and find Ive forgotten all about it I am reminded of the sky that feels as though it is falling and terrified that the people in my life who have tried and tried to pull me through this mess again and again will lose patience and start treating me the way I deserve to be treated and I will truly be alone

I am just an average guy with nothing special. I have no close friend, I had one best friend with whom I felt good but she broke friendship over my mistake and asked me to stay the fuck off. I have terrible anxiety issues. I can't even tell anyone cause I have no one , everyone only thinks about themselves , Everything And everyone I care for makes me attach and then leaves.

I am also not good at anything, now I am starting to have memory problems too and tbh I am tired of daily anxieties, daily overthinking, making scenarios in mind that I just want this to stop.

I haven't had a single Good day in months. I don't know why I feel like this I have good parents and a good family. I just don't feel like I deserve anything.

For those of you like me who have chronic depression: did you ever reach a point where you gave up?

How did you get through it?

What made you get through it?

If you haven't, what are you currently doing?

My body and brain are giving up. I have hit a wall. I can't make myself move forward. I'm caught between not wanting to and wanting to all at once. I'm not talking about harming myself, and I don't have those thoughts. I'm just...giving up.

Hi, I need some advice for what to do.

I'm experiencing multiple panic attacks every day, and it's affecting my ability to perform basic self care. I feel extraordinarily depressed, and I cannot find any relief.

Therapy and psychiatry are proving ineffective, and I'm in a state of severe suffering. Do I need to seek inpatient care? I have no history of substance abuse, nor any problematic behavior towards others.

What resource am I supposed to seek out right now?

Hi, I am 17 yr/old male, I never had any relationship, never kissed anyone, no sex, no gf, you get the picture, I had 4 friends all of them are/were in a relationship at some point, they dated, kissed etc, but now like 1 yr ago I was talking to them few times a week but now it seems no ones talking to me I know they are busy and focusing on their life but I feel left out the four are split into two groups 2 of them always hang without me makes sense they knew eachother wayy before they knew me and the other two hangout with other people, but I would consider them as my closet friends and I don't annoy or do anything to them to push them away but it seems no one likes my company but that was fine to accept till one day the last person besides me gets a gf, obvs he didn't tell me idk why tho, it's not like i would have discouraged him or hated that fact when he posted her on his story I liked it and said congrats we don't talk much online but that's bothering me for a while now for my friends it's like i am a ghost no one cares about me at all but it was fine but now when they go to the tuition as I do they all will talk about relationship issues and shit while I am here inexperienced it's kinda sad, i already attempted self harm but it didn't work i still have that scar, i did it cause i was lonely my family doesn't care about me, I got nothing to do besides some games, but even that's boring now, idk I don't have any motivation in life, it's not like I can't talk to girls tho atleast from a friendly way I can I only have 2/3 friends like that and we have no issues but i don't have anyone to talk to and it's sad, can't even study for the hardest undergraduate exam in my country(there are other hard exams but in my country it's the toughest one), plus I am short, my only cope is the fact I might get a friend circle who will be able to talk to me everyday and then I will date someone, ik it might seem kind of cringe or corny or something edgy but it's not a false fact that my life has come to this, i mean I have no one to talk to or discuss this would accept any and all help available

Tldr: I don't have any real friends, and I am coping that college will fix it, any maybe I will be able to date someone so i don't feel left out

Bored. Got entertainment?

The anhedonia made all my hobbies boring and unfulfilling.

I now resort to going for walks for my health, browsing Reddit, and watching YouTube.

I'm finding a lot of toxic things online and prefer to engage with better content. Even though I can't feel any emotions, I just think it's objectively better to consume kind content.

I can't play video games because I don't have a laptop.

Any good stories you can share with me?

Or good YouTube channels, reddit subs, or hey, do you just want to chat?

The most interesting story I read lately was of an 80 year old finding love and getting married. What a feat!

Tw: mentions of gr00ming. Ill cut to the chase, I was a the most insecure teen so I turned where no young person should have access to. I talked to people I shoulndt have about things I shouldnt have. Now im 18 and I feel sick about the things ive shown and seen in this disgusting places. I want to dig it out from my brain but I cant and it haunts me like a ghost. What do I do.

TW: SH, Unalive

I've been in a funk for the last few months... And I thought I was getting better, but tonight I just snapped... I got into a small argument with my stepdad that left me feeling shitty and crying and I started fantasizing about Christmas for whatever reason... I started thinking about how my friends at college are all hosting a friends-giving event before Thanksgiving break and they're all planning on trick or treating and (possibly) a party afterwards, all of which I only know because of my boyfriend...

In short, I realized that I don't actually have any friends in college... Which left me feeling really alone and suicidal and was fighting off the urge to self harm...

Then I told my boyfriend about this and he tried to help... He named a few people that I was especially close to last year during our freshman year... But they barely talk to me outside of college classes or clubs... And then I told him that I tend to hit a mental decline after he leaves (we spent the whole day together and he left a few hours ago to go back to the college), and he said that I'm becoming dependent on him...

I'm not becoming dependent on him.. I can understand why he'd think that, because after he leaves I start feeling shitty and then start getting suicidal... Yeah... I totally understand... But that's not why I'm feeling like this...

I feel like this because I feel so alone... Like I have no actual friends... And if I have no actual friends, then why bother living? They won't miss me...

I feel like this because I look back on whatever messages I sent him, feeling like I'm talking too much, like I should leave him alone, which makes me feel like I'm a bad partner... He's never said I'm a bad partner, he always tells me I'm amazing and I'm doing great... But I can't shake this feeling like I'm messing up and bothering him...

I'm also non-binary, and I'm feeling super dysphoric these last few weeks and I can't get top surgery because my insurance won't pay for it... And I can't pay for it any other way...

I'm trying to sort things out with a therapist, it's just kinda hard... And all-in-all, I'm trying my best...

Tldr:

I feel like I have no friends

Boyfriend things I'm becoming dependent on him

I'm feeling super dysphoric

And I'm feeling super suicidal

Note: thanks for listening and any support... I'm really tired so I'm sorry if it's more rant-ey...

I don't understand. What am I missing that everyone else has. Everyone else can just decide to do something. It might not be effortless, but they just decide to do something and then they do it. They heal, they grow, they evolve, they judt decide to be better and then they go and do it. How do I eliminate the part of me that makes me worthless compared to everyone else. What am I doing wrong. Why can't I just be good enough because I want to be.

I’ll be looking for something to watch while I eat, then think about how I couldn’t make anything as good as what I’m going to watch and then don’t feel like watching anything or even eating anymore. Maybe I’ll go to draw, then give up after 2 minutes because I’ve seen a myriad of drawings that are better than what I’ll do in my, albeit likely short, lifetime.
I’ll think about making something to eat, but then think about how people actually cook food and how shameful microwaving noddles is compared to that. Ditto for everything, just everything ever. Why go outside when I’ll see people so much prettier, and cooler, and healthier than me? Why play a game or watch a movie or listen to music when I’ll never be at the level of what I’m consuming? Etcetera, etcetera. I can’t even fall asleep correctly, despite that being all I do.

This isn’t long. I just don’t see the point of doing things like school, washing, and work. Pointless. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like doing anything that makes me progressive is so useless. I’m going to die just like everyone else so why should I work? I want to transition as well but for so much money and so much people hating me, I can’t feel anything but the knowledge I’m going to die. If I died right now, people wouldn’t even care since not only am I just another ‘depressed teen’ I’m also a Tboy, God knows how many people would just call me a girl or something.

​

I feel like this home is cursed, like there's some evil energy in this home that keeps making everything worse. Family issues, financial issues, depression, mental illness, everything keeps getting worse. I've developed unbearable rage.

We used to be a normal family, but ever since we moved here, everything has gone downhill. I swear, we've become such a dysfunctional family that now we hate each other. We don't even talk to each other; we just fight. Idk where it all went wrong, but it's like I don't wanna live in this home anymore.

I'm waiting to become financially independent so I can move out, but in this home, we're losing everything instead of becoming something. I swear, it feels like there's some evil energy in this home.

I'm a person who has heard not so great things about depression medication. My psychiatrist prescribed me this drug to see how it affects me to discern if I have depression, adhd or an anxiety disorder or whatever. I'm torn on taking it.

But of course people who can be saved, should be saved. But the harsh truth is, not all can be saved.