I am the applicant, so far we have only had an urgent directions hearing back in August where my Lives with & PSO were granted, and Dad was denied any contact not even in a contact centre.

Since then he has completely ignored Cafcass therefore they have recommended zero contact and closed the case.

Now we have this Dispute resolution hearing scheduled, but the court haven’t specified in the order what is required from either of us or if any evidence or position statement should be prepared.

I am representing myself, can anyone give any advice what to expect? Thank you

England, UK

Hello all.

TLDR: should I allow ex spouse to come to Halloween if they won’t respect boundary of basic decency?

I’m struggling to figure out what to do about Halloween which falls on my night this year. We’ve typically always allowed the other parent to come on whosever night it falls on. Ex-spouse and I have no legal agreement, but have both, mostly, adhered to a good-faith arrangement with clear schedules.

But things have been rocky for the last few months, due to a summer argument. Without going into too much detail about it that conflict, the current situation is that they will not look at or speak to me at dropoff or pickup and is generally very unpredictable and problematic (ie telling child about said conflict, not responding to emails or questions regarding child).

My concern is that they will bring this energy to Halloween night and not speak to or acknowledge my existence (and which needs to be done for bits of coordination like who’s going up with child to the houses, taking turns, leading the way, helping child with outfit and so on). I mean we have to speak at some point, not small talk or anything, but my thinking is that if they refuse any interaction whatsoever with me my kid will 100% notice and it will hurt.

My terms: I’ve asked them to acknowledge that they will be civil and respond to necessary questions about the night only involving our child, and to do with politeness. I’ve suggested that if they don’t want to do that, they shouldn’t come.

Question #1: Is this fair? Like I said we have no legal agreement and if they are going to be disrespectful I don’t see why I should share the evening, but I also don’t want my child to be without the other parent, BUT I also don’t want child to see any drama if it ensues.

Question #2: if they don’t answer should I tell them they can’t come? I’m worried they’ve disregarded my boundaries and will choose to show up and continue to act shitty, create drama and ruin child’s Halloween. I don’t think I can “take it” and remain calm if they act with disrespect on the most basic human level.

So like the title says, I'm going to be filing with the court to change parenting time so I have my daughter (8) for Sunday night through Thursday or Friday, depedning on what the last day of school is that week, and every other weekend with me. Her other parent isn't the best around, they try a bit, they mostly meet her minimum needs and do lots of extras and have lots of love for her. There's a lot of small things that really add up though. No hygiene at the other parents, too small clothing, too small and inappropriate shoes, no bras or undershirt, I nlimited access to screens, no supervision, again small(ish) things. The main reason I'm looking to change time though is that she has only made it to school on time once, had 4 tardies, and the rest are so late that they are counted as morning absences and one full day absence. She has only been with the other parent for 19 school days so far. I don't feel like this is an overreaction, it's not new behavior, and I even had it written into the custody agreement that my daughter has to make it to school and make it on time, specifically because her other parent tried to enroll her in another school under the excuse that it was easier for them, but then still was late or not showing up. Thoughts?

My partner of 25 years and I separated 10 months ago we have a 12 a 7 and a 6 year old boys .we always agreed if we split we would never introduce a new partner for around 6 months .im m50 she is f43

My ex met a man and went on first date Thursday fir dinner the next day around lunch time went to his house and stayed till Saturday night .Then Sunday she had him over to meet my kids I’m shocked as this was also my time to see them .He was then there again Monday and Wednesday it’s now Saturday and he is with them all for my
Sons birthday I asked when I can see son for bday she said well let you know when we decide What we are doing .im lost for words I told my ex this is way to quick if yiu want to see the guy no problem i don’t care go forth weekend or whenever just let me know and ill look after the boys I can’t promise I can every time you want yo see the guy but I will most times as this is weird and not good for the kids opinions please 🙏

A little back story, I’ve unfortunately not been able to get to a place where my son’s dad(32m) and I(30f) can coparent positively. My son(8f) is diagnosed ADHD and ODD. I’ve tried keeping him busy and staying with therapy. Dad pulls him out every time. (We have equal decision making) Our son is acting out more and more lately and it’s exhausting. I have tried everything I know how to do to try and correct his behavior. I can only do so much since his dad fights me on every single turn.

We recently had CPS show up at our door and have been on the edge of our seats. Two separate allegations, both a load of bs. My son has a flair for the dramatic as well and sometimes just outright lies. I’m worried my son may get taken away from me.

I also have a daughter(1.5), different dad, I don’t want my kids to be taken away. Has anyone dealt with something similar? Please give advice, relatable stories, what to say or not say. I’m a wreck.

I miss my family so much. Me and my baby mom were having issues and have I think it’s because we were in a house with 8 people and never got our own space and we were always together but we’ve had real good times and I want too be with her again and hopefully for the rest if my life. I’m so heartbroken over it all. I miss my baby girl so much I haven’t seen her in 4 days. I’ve been a wreck.

TLDR:

My boyfriend's ex-wife keeps asking me to meet her in person and eventually to do birthdays and holidays together as one big family. My boyfriend has said no thank you. Their divorce decree, requires "a meeting" between the new partner and the parent before meeting the kids. We did this over a 30 minute phone call. But she wants to meet me in person. I don't want a friendship with her, but I want to handle this with without making co-parenting harder for them. What's the best way to handle it?

I'm not trying to decide who's right or wrong. I'm looking for the best way to handle this with maturity and respect, without hurting anyone.

Background:

My boyfriend and his ex were married 14 years and divorced a little over a year ago. They have two elementary school kids and 2yo. They both have new partners now.

Their divorce decree sets benchmarks for new partners, and both parents are held to them. At four and a half months, a new partner does a background check and meets the other parent before meeting the kids, and at six months overnights are allowed. The wording just says "a meeting," with no format or length specified. It seems like there wasn't much thought put into the details of how this was supposed to happen. She notified my partner that she had a new boyfriend a few months prior but all my boyfriend got from her was a phone call asking if he wanted to talk to the new partner right now on the phone, he couldn't, so she let him meet the kids anyway. So we really didn't know how it all was supposed to go.

I don't have any problems with the woman. I don't know her. I don't really care about their past relationship and dont want to be friends with her or integrate into what she's doing. Id like to keep my distance because this person is an antagonist to someone I love (so he says) and his family (so they say) and whatever she has going on or did is just none of my business. I don't want to get involved with them at all. I think it cuts down on drama. It seems like control issues played a major part in what broke them up. And I can "feel" that from what happened next....

I did the background check and she was notified that he had a partner that wanted to meet the kids. She responded with wanting to meet me in person but I really wasn't interested in that. I told my boyfriend I would be fine with a video call but preferred a phone call. He told her we would call her but she pushed back for an in person meeting quite a bit but then gave in.

My boyfriend called her from his phone on speaker phone. She picked up and asked us to call her back in 10 minutes because she was in a meeting. When we finally got on the call, she expressed again how she wanted to meet in person but would like us all to get together at her house for events with the kids and wanted me to go to her kids' practices and performances. Most of the time was spent talking about her boyfriend and his kids - what they like to do together with my boyfriend's kids, what their evenings were like together; and then a with few questions about me and a description of each of her children. It left me unsure it was really about ascertaining the kids' safety or a way to stick it to her ex. She invited me to one of the children's birthday parties at her house. (I ultimately told my partner I didn't want to go because I hadn't met the kids yet) But I assured her her kids were safe with me and her children's stability and well being were at the forefront of my mind and actions. I met the children about a month later. They're great. I want to take things slow because they've had a lot of change n their lives. We're 7 months in but I still don't spend the night. I just want to let things unravel naturally.

What's Happening:

This was two months ago, and she has repeatedly asked him to meet me in person. My boyfriend has declined on both our behalves. She even joins the children's video calls if she hears them saying hello to me, to see me and talk to me. When she calls them when they're at his house, she'll ask if I'm there. It's weird. He told her the decree only requires a meeting and the call satisfied it, and she wasn't happy with that. She asked if he was the one saying no to the meeting or me and he said we both think it's weird she keeps asking. He said we don't owe her an explanation, we did what the decree required and he'll shield me from whatever she tries to do, if anything. Neither of us really want to deal with her.

She's also asked for all of us to join her in on Halloween and Thanksgiving. These dates are his time - the kids are with him. She has no family in the state. He declined. Now she has expressed that co-parenting has become harder and she feels hostility from him. I wonder if part of that is that he's now saying no to things he used to agree to.

QUESTIONS:

Is she justified in asking for this? Are my boundaries staining their relationship?

How do we respond to this? Should we ignore her or give her a simple explanation so she'll leave us alone (although he thinks it'll make it worse)

Recommendations for phones, devices, plans, pre paid vs. other plans? 8 year old goes on visitation out of state 2-3 week block only. Dad does not offer or willing to facilitate communication with me. Been using a gizmo, but it's not reliable. Past DV.

I have a 12yr old and been involved in his life since he was born. His mother and I were just messing around and she ended up pregnant. We tried the whole relationship thing but ended up breaking it off while she was pregnant because we just didnt work and we were in agreement, and there was never any intimate contact or intimate flirtatious vibes since the breakup. She respects me i respect her. Since he was born ive always been involved, pick him up every weekend and do provide for his necessities. When he started school I always show up for his conferences as does she. She got married couple years back not 100% when sure since it aint my business. I recently i got married 1 year ago. My wife doesnt like the fact that if i go to his conferences shes there. Is she wrong for thinking like that and not wanting me to go? Also she gets upset when my sons mom messages me and updates me on my sons things like sports or misbehavior and such.

Posted yesterday, this is a follow-up to that.

Everything single is huge power struggle with my sons father. There was @buse before I left and so much more after I left 1.5yrs ago. I just recently hit a point in therapy where I've set boundaries, which includes obtaining a lawyer (thankfully pro bono, works with a lot of DV cases) and no longer giving into his demands.

Back in January, my ex and I signed off on a new parenting plan with an official visitation schedule. Prior to that, it was a free for all for him. He agreed to everything, shockingly. After a few months, he was demanding more time, which he does every few months.

Our parenting plan states he will have visitation alternating Mondays and Thursdays from 4-7pm (he couldn't do daycare dropoffs prior). He kept threatening court which used to terrify me so I settled with him and turned his weekday visits into overnights. He was ok for a bit. We've been following this arrangement for about 8 months. We reconciled (unfortunately) and I left again.

Surprise surprise, he wanted more time and I told him no. He filed with the courts for 50/50 and the judge told him no. There was not substantial changes to warrant the change. This was 1.5 months ago.

My lawyer advised me then to go back to the court ordered schedule after court (no more overnights on weekday visits). I opted not to bc I knew it would anger him and make things worse.

Well this week we had court for child supp0rt. He thought he wouldn't have to pay. The judge ordered him $400/mo. He copped an attitude with the judge, rushed behind me out of the court room saying he would k1ll himself, then flipped me off. He messaged me on the parenting @pp stating that he'd rather go to jail then pay me. The day after, he spit on my car at my place of work. (His dad lives next door so it's not unusual to see him in the parking lot. He parked right next to me. I can't prove it was him to did it but he's spit on my car several times in the past). There are so many more horrible things he's done but he's basically out of control. He thinks he can act insane and treat me however he wants and there is zero consequence to it and that it doesnt affect our son or his parenting.

Yesterday, he told me he would be keeping our son home during the week on his time instead of sending him to daycare. The way my daycare works along with subsidy, my son would lose his spot at daycare. This would severely hurt my son's consistency, in addition to this, I would lose my job bc I'd no longer have childcare. I contacted my attorney and they advised me again to go back to the court ordered schedule bc this would mean he no longer does daycare drop offs, which eliminates the issue from yesterday.

I've decided to go this route. There's no telling what he will do. My son and I are staying with a friend tonight to make sure we are safe. I need to know if I'm wrong for going to back to the court ordered schedule. I feel horrible. He's always accusing me for keeping our son from him bc I wouldn't give him 50/50. Now it's going to get much, much worse. But I have to protect my son's consistency and stability. His dad is always trying to take a wrecking ball to it bc he's mad at me.

To add: I have an order of protection on him. I'm working on getting it into a full stay away order.

I, 23f, need help my daughter is 3 almost 4 years old and she has issues with anyone else having my attention or me walking away from her to long. For context me and my ex (30m) have 50/50 custody we switch every week we haven’t been together for 2 years now and I’ve been remarried and have a one year old son. During my daughter’s weeks I make sure to spend one on one time with her a lot I handle her bedtime, playtime, food, and literally anything she needs because if someone else tries to help while I’m around it’s always the same answer, “No, mommy do it.” Even if I’m in the middle of other things. No matter what I try as soon as I go to cook dinner or go to the bathroom she’ll get upset and start causing issues around the house (pushing her brother, throwing toys, or yelling) even at bedtime if I even just sit next to her bed instead of lay down with her she’ll get upset and fight sleep all night. The crazy thing is she’s more than willing to go with her dad on Sundays during exchange, she spends the night with her grandmother no issues, and if my husband is home and offers to take them outside she’s more than willing to go even if I don’t follow. It’s like if I say I’m walking away from her it’s a big issues. I love my daughter and I don’t want to stop her from coming to me for confront but if I’m around she’ll sit on me and not let anyone talk to me, also my sleep is not great because even with a nightlight and the door wide open she’ll wake up screaming for me or she’ll coming running into our room and if I try to put her back in her own bed after soothing her it’s a fight. I use to co sleep with her but after I got with my husband I wanted to start transitioning her to sleeping in her own bed then when I got pregnant I really tried, nothing seems to be working tho. Is this something I should be concerned about? Are their any ideas of how I can get the attachment to ease up some?

New partner thinks this is a red flag on my part. New partner has never been a parent.
Situation:
Baby's (2years) father's birthday party and we're invited tomorrow (new partner is not here to attend and was not invited personally)
Today baby's father cried at drop off saying he was having dreams about us. He didnt say anything else and left in tears.
Im still going to attend his birthday tomorrow because I think birthdays are important and my son should attend his father's birthday.
New partner thinks I shouldnt attend
What do you guys think?

*UPDATE*
Thank you everyone for the different perspectives!
- I forgot to mention this is a joint birthday with one of our mutual friends so part of me was showing up for the other friend too but I thought that was irrelevent though it might clear up why I specifically might attend and not just my son.
- My partner and I have found a good compromise that works for us. (For the nosey people, im going to go for 1 hour just to say hi, happy birthday, let my son and his dad show face and then leave with my son because I dont trust him at an adults only birthday party without me. For my partner, this reassures him that I am going for my son and I wont be staying for my ex)
- I have learnt that I have to pick my battles when it comes to healthy blended families and I need to set clear boundaries for my ex as well. I also need to stop feeling guilty for what my son may or may not miss out on due to his father (super hard one because parent guilt sucks!!)

So I am a stepmother to two children and also pregnant. The oldest has no issue sleeping in her own bed, the youngest (8) refuses to sleep in his own bed. For context his mother lives with her mother and they share a room and bed, he is very clingy and has a lot of attachment problems. I understand sleeping alone can be scary for children but how do me and dad ween him from that? Because I’m expecting we need to have him able to sleep by himself when baby comes along, he will be 9 by then. Often times his dad falls asleep in his room with him which wasn’t too much of a problem however I’m going to need his help with the baby throughout the night when she comes and having a 9 year old in bed with us plus a baby on the bedside is just too much.

It’s also caused arguments between me and dad because he often falls asleep and the child will stay up all night watching tv. I’ve walked in the bedroom to dad dead asleep and my stepson watching YouTube at 5 am and admitted to not sleeping at all that night, which often comes with behavioral issues if he stays up too long and isn’t well rested.

Because his mom isn’t able to do the same at her house we end up looking like the bad guys, but I’m pregnant and tired of waking up to elbows in my face. We’ve had conversations with him but he is very stubborn and calls us bad parents when we bring the situation up. Any suggestions or anyone going through the same?

NYS if that matters.

I have placement of my son. We get subsidy for daycare which is a godsend. It goes off of my work schedule since my son lives with me. He is enrolled full time and has been for about 10 months now.

My ex got ordered to pay support 💲 the other day and is throwing a massive tantrum. He's reduced his work hours to part time despite the support judge telling him he should persue full time work to pay support. She based his payments off of full time work and he's been in a rage for days.

He told me that he will no longer be sending out son to daycare on his parenting time bc he only works part time and he doesn't need it. I'm the only one who needs it. If he does this, my son will lose his spot in daycare and that would be devastating for us both. He's in the best daycare in the area, he's very happy and thriving here, he's very attached to his teachers and often talks about loving his friends from school. He struggles immensely with changes to his routine.

He told me that he will be contacting my subsidy caseworker and letting her know he's only working 24hrs a week and can now provide childcare so I'll lose the subsidy. I will lose my job and there's absolutely no way I can afford to pay the $1,400/mo for daycare.

Can he just decide to stop sending our son on his time? I feel like that's something that would fall under joint decision making bc it's a huge part of my son's life.

She wants to spend holidays together as a family with our child. This woman left me last year broke my heart and now is coming around more. I’m not sure if I’m ready to do this as I still love her, she’s the love of my life. Anyone ever experienced this and have any advice for this hopeless romantic??

I genuinely want to hear other people’s perspectives because I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I have primary custody of my two children, ages 2 and 3. Their father has visitation every third weekend. Our divorce decree, which he agreed to, states that if he moves outside the designated area, he loses overnight visitation.

Knowing this, he voluntarily chose to move over an hour away to live with a girlfriend and her children. At the time, he’d known her for approximately TWO WEEKS.Because of that decision, his visitation changed to Saturdays, 9 a.m.–6 p.m., every third weekend. No overnights.

Despite this, I’ve tried accommodating him with additional time, hotels, and Airbnbs. But it’s not working. The children have fun with him, but they come home extremely dysregulated. Hitting, fighting, tantrums, sleep issues, etc. It lasts for DAYS, and I’ve documented a consistent pattern. don’t believe he’s intentionally doing anything wrong during visits. I believe the instability and transitions are difficult for two toddlers.

Recently, they got sick after visiting him. Obviously, sickness happens. But it brought up an even bigger frustration. Who handles the appointments, sleepless nights, medications, and everything else? Me and my fiancé. Their dad gets to return to the life he chose while I’m responsible for everything that comes afterward. I ended up reaching out to his girlfriend. Not my smartest move, I know. But I genuinely couldn’t believe another mother would support a man voluntarily reducing his time with his own children to live with her. Turns out, she knows and fully supports his decision.

They’ve been together around four months, and she’s already referring to parenting my children as “we,” “us,” and “team,” talking about how much they love the girls despite never having met them. Her responses also sounded completely AI-generated.

Ultimately, they’re both comfortable with him being a weekend parent. He considers himself a present, involved father and doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong. When I asked about accountability for voluntarily choosing less time with his children, their response was essentially, “The choice was made. How do we move forward?”

But why am I expected to accommodate a decision that HE made at the expense of his relationship with his children? I understand some parents have limited visitation due to circumstances outside their control. But this wasn’t one of those situations. He had the opportunity to be more involved and willingly chose less.

And now I’m expected to make his life easier, deal with the emotional aftermath of his visits, and support their plans to eventually become a blended family. Am I wrong for thinking that being a good dad requires more than exercising the bare minimum visitation? Because I genuinely believe my children deserve better than a father who’s content seeing them twice a month when he could have chosen differently.

I really want unbiased perspectives. Am I expecting too much, or has the bar for being a present parent gotten this low?

My daughter's father and I have been co-parenting since our daughter was 3 years old. She's now 17 - senior year of high school. Sadly, my ex and his girlfriend of nearly 7 years are breaking up. They own a house together and have seemed to be really great partners with a great life. I'm sad because their relationship has been a positive overall on coparenting and I've been relieved to have things been stable for a nice long stretch. I'm uneasy with the idea of pretending. They've decided to not tell my daughter and to pretend that they're still together. (My ex's girlfriend sleeps elsewhere when my daughter's not there). This arrangement—for a year?! This is because they don't want to disrupt things until my daughter goes off to college - next Sept. I will respect their wishes and of course not say anything to my daughter, but it's so stressful.

My question for this community is, what should I be concerned about now and in the future in terms of taking care of my wellbeing and also looking out for my daughter, now and in a year when she heads off to college? And what might this mean for my daughter's relationship with her stepmom (which is positive and good) when they split up?

Have any of you navigated this and what worked/didn't and what do you wish you'd known?

How do you guys deal with potty training with an ex who refuses to participate?

I stayed home with my daughter my entire parenting time. She was basically 80% potty trained by the end of my time with her. At this point was only having max 1 accident per day if that.

I texted my ex to let them know and explicitly said please no diapers except at bedtime.

My ex agreed and said yes of course I will continue the potty training!

Well it’s day one at my exes house and there’s multiple social media posts of my daughter in a diaper….

I am so frustrated. Our daughter is almost 3 and is showing all signs of being ready.

Dad has 4 nights of visitation per month, and doesn’t have any form of custody/responsibility of our son. It’s happened probably a dozen times, but dad will ask if I have x-items (medications, homework that got left at the wrong house, etc.) and ask if I can bring it to him in the middle of an empty parking lot almost 10 miles from where I live. I try to meet there if I’m able to cause I don’t really care, but the majority of the time I’m working so I say “I’ll be at work but I’m near his school/your work/mutual locations, and you can grab [items] from me there.” And EVERY single time, Dad completely loses it and says “I will never under any circumstances meet you anywhere except this parking lot. Never ask me to break our court orders again, I’m never going to agree to what you say and I’m never going to meet you anywhere else, etc.”

Our court orders say nothing about this and we now have a middle schooler that has to walk this awkward hostage standoff every time we exchange him or meet for anything.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? I’m so stuck. I tell him it’s not really fair for our kid to go without the items he’s asking for just because he insists on this one meeting place across town from me but I’m really just at a loss at this point.

My daughters dad is inconsistent. We finally got a custody agreement last month and he didn’t even bother to show up to court. After receiving it he was extremely mad. He hasn’t followed by it at all. His inconsistency shows up in my daughters behavior sometimes. For example, he texts her iPad sometimes and this time he sent a boo basket. She got upset and it lead to a tantrum. She is working in therapy through it. Should I block him from her iPad? We don’t have anything in our custody agreement about communication outside of parenting time.

Co-parenting question.

I have 2 kids (4&6 boys) from a past relationship, relationship wasn’t good and co-parenting has been rough. I’m the part time parent and they live a state away so I only get to see them maybe once a month.

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, he had me quit my job to stay at home to focus on baking and spend more time with him as well so he got me a car and credit card. He is everything I could ask for, he’s perfect, saying he also wants to propose this year and is booking an engagement photographer.

The thing is, every single time I bring up my kids he gets quiet or says nothing, everytime I buy something for them he has this look, everytime I have them over to visit he is extremely distant and barely talks to me, he even gets upset when I accidentally fall asleep with them watching movies and wakes me up to go sleep in the bed with him.

I have talked to him how this bothers me and I want the kids and him to have a good relationship. He says he just has nothing to say, he isn’t good with kids, he is overwhelmed, he doesn’t want to invest in a relationship with them to be told he isn’t their dad.

I keep hoping it’ll change and it doesn’t. What can I do? I feel like I’m picking between what feels like the love of my life, best friend and my kids

Went years with no issues, suddenly this school year it’s a whole weird to do.

Kids are 11 and 13. We go week on, week off with a swap on Tuesday after school. It works, requires almost no deviations, rarely conflicts with school so we don’t have to see one another, weekend plans can take up Friday or Monday for a holiday, etc.

*Except* we have a Thursday night “mid week” dinner visit from 5:00 to 8:00 that dad’s camp will not discontinue despite it being a huge waste of time, conflicts with sports majority of the year, and our kids hate doing.

It worked fine when they were little and had nothing going on. It also worked the last couple years of middle school with him taking them to things, and me taking them to things instead of getting that time for “dinner.” A true non issue.

This school year he’s decided it’s not working taking them to their activities and has elected to request to reschedule his time and encroach on weekends every single week.

Doing it back just feels petty and dumb, and I don’t care to annoy my kids. We follow our order pretty religiously, it allows for us to request reasonable rescheduling if there’s conflict. I’m not really pals with the guy, or his wife, but I feel like I should say something or ask what gives. Not sure how to word it.

Has anyone been able to get a change for something like this without any major circumstantial changes - not looking for legal advice but is this a modification type of thing? Or maybe any creative solutions for dealing with it? The kids have asked to do away with it and he was infuriated by the notion - the suggestion to do away with it came after multiple weeks of requests for new days. I agree with the kids. It’s only three hours. A good phone call would do imo.

Any advice or ideas are welcome.

hello, 21 year old mom here, and i have a 3 year old.

i’ve got a bit of a complicated issue, me and my boyfriend split up a few months ago but are still living together. my issue with him is i feel like he prioritizes his hobbies and gaming over parenting. from the day our daughter was born, i have been the main parent for everything. im worried about how his parenting will be if i move out. i schedule every appointment, i do all of the cleaning, all of the mental gymnastics of everything, while my ex boyfriend sits on his playstation 24/7.

he works 6am-2pm, and i work 4pm-11pm. our daughter wakes up at 7:30 everyday. i am awake from this 7:30, from anywhere to 1-3am every night, and also wake up with our daughter hourly every single night. this has taken such a huge toll on my body and i feel so sleep deprived 100% of the time because of it.

the worst part about this schedule is i have always had a strict routine with myself when it comes to leisure or hobbies, and i will wait until naps/bedtime to work on my hobbies. i’m a musician, so sometimes i need to have some alone time during the day to properly record my music without distractions. nap time is only an hour, which means before work i only get a single hour of leisure time. after work i shower, make dinner for myself, clean up the house, and finally can get in bed and hope and pray im winded down enough to sleep. (which is extremely hard knowing your kid is about to wake up every hour on the hour.)

me and my ex have the same work schedule, and on our days off i try to sleep in because i don’t get to bed until pretty late. anytime i sleep in, im shamed by my ex for sleeping in so late (11am) because “im a grown adult and should have better habits” to quote him. this is frustrating to hear because every other day of the week i am giving my 100% to our daughter. we go on walks, color, play monsters in her tent, read, everything you should do with toddlers. i dont know if i have ever seen my ex boyfriend do this with her. i have NEVER once seen him INITIATE play time with her. she either has to cry for it, or i have to yell at him for it. (which is also used against me!)

the part that really bothers me the most out of everything is how little interaction there is between my daughter an ex due to the games. from the second he gets home, he is playing his playstation until bed. doesn’t even change out of his work clothes. plays right on our living room tv where our daughters toys are at, with both headphones on. i would say he gets about 7-9 hours of game time PER DAY. he claims he doesn’t wear headphones while im at work but i find that hard to believe considering his lies about other unrelated stuff.

i would like to add that im a big gamer too, i love gaming but since my daughter was born is has been so much harder to balance my hobbies. some months i literally dont have the time to do anything fun AT ALL, and if i do get some fun time,
(while he is also gaming mind you!) im still “on call” for our daughter and have to tend to her even if hes closer, because he plays games that cannot pause.

this bothers me so much is because i get basically ZERO time to myself because of being the “on call” parent. yeah i scroll every so often like every other person on this planet, but it has been years since i have had the time to sit down for over an hour to myself. like i said im a musician, i haven’t been able to finish a single song since my daughter was born. but i can guarantee he’s 100% more games than i can count on my hands in just the last two years. the only single time i get to myself is my days off, or the hour and thirty minutes between me and my ex’s shifts. (which mind you, are interrupted every 5 minutes because he is on his game not responding to her questions, or she’s getting into something that he hasn’t noticed because he’s gaming with headphones on.)

i have tried probably thousands of times to bring this up and talk about it, how he should be more present and responsive to her. everytime it’s brought up he literally just doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, or will turn it back on me and my attitude about it. he doesn’t think having today’s lunch smashed into the carpet is a problem, and doesn’t think he needs to clean it up. he doesn’t think that not responding to our daughter when he’s busy is a problem. he doesn’t think that giving her air fried pizza rolls for dinner every single night is an issue. he doesn’t think that our leisure time is unbalanced because “i stay up so late.”

i do want to say he isn’t a BAD parent, because there’s times when he’s loving and cuddly. there are times when he plays with her (after being begged to) but it’s very rare. rare and short lived enough that i can’t really give any examples lol.

he gets to my head a lot and tells me that IM a horrible parent because of how little patience i have with our daughter sometimes. sometimes i just get so frustrated being the “only” parent that i think i yell a little more often than i should, which im trying to get into therapy and meds so i can work on. everything he says and does is so contrary though, because there have been so many times that i have had to stop him from yelling at our daughter for stuff that she shouldn’t have been yelled at for. i know neither are okay, but i think there’s a huge difference between being worn out after 12+ hours of parenting a toddler and yelling because they won’t stop pounding on the apartment walls, and yelling because they spilt the open drink you had laying on a table in her play area.

i typed a lot but i guess id just like to know how much of this is normal, and if my fear of him not being a good parent when i move out is rational. i am quite literally petrified to leave my daughter with him for multiple days, knowing there will be no cleaning, no playing, no real food, nothing fun. i told him once if he doesn’t improve his behavior i would see about taking full custody but i genuinely don’t know if that’s something i can do, or have the guts to do.

just want to add that as i was about to post this, he is yelling at her for asking to use the potty while he does. she isn’t fully potty trained yet. quite literally saying stuff like “OH MY GODDDD NO YOU DONT” and telling her to go play. at what point does this become neglectful? has it already gotten this far and am i just dumb for letting him get to my head and tell me it’s normal? would a case like this hold up if i wanted full custody?

I am in htx relocating to CA. I have a toddler that will be 2 in Dec. We are trying to come up with a parental agreement on our own but I am proposing a gradual increase as he grows rather than the 42 days they require for the summer plus spring break and holidays. If both parents agree how likely is it to get rejected?

Just wondering if in other coparenting dynamics, did the oldest sibling start driving themselves and younger siblings between houses once they started driving?

I guess I can see the logistical side of it but I am just not comfortable with them having siblings in car with them just yet. I figured oldest would get himself back and forth but I didn’t expect CP to send him to get his sibling today. I checked in the orders and it does say an adult must pick up. I really don’t like CP got kid a sports car and he just got license literally 2 hours ago, so it seems very premature to me. Like let me get use to him driving first then maybe passengers. I don’t know? What did you do?