I’m wearing a dress with built in shorts and no booty hole.

Existence is futile.

Make Emo Cool Again, MECA.

Its a great place to see a cock-or-two!

"Son, when a man and two and a half pounds of rubber love each other very much..."

I just did, and I won't be allowed on this airline again.

He's four-aged!

I said "That's disgusting, it should have been cremated with the rest of him."

Because I've fought enough fights like this in real life and can't revive!

Would you please stop calling my new phone...

Unexpectedly, my car exploded.

I just wish he'd talk dirty like that to ME, instead of the tomato.

Finally alone, I turned to my wife and, as calmly as I could, told her, "I know they're your favorite, but you have got to stop ordering from 9-1-1 Pizza."

But that's when it all went south.

Yulie bought the bolts and Yuliq the nuts.

But the carbonation burnt my nose

When I look in the mirror without mine on, I barely recognise myself.

Arrived 15 minutes late to the doctor and in front of the receptionist and everyone waiting my darn phone announced, “your destination is on the left in half mile.” When the patient after me told the receptionist he had trouble getting there because of his GPS, I commiserated, “There’s a lot of that going around!”

Yulie bought a tennis racket and Yuliq the balls.

It only took 45% of a Mooch for Katie.

Camman says as I hear a knock on my door.

Our motto was, "leave no stone unturned."

But I'm not sure how they are going to get the cuffs on it.

Seems like a safe assumption