In middle school through high school, I was ‘friends’ with a lot of mean girls who would talk over me, ignore me, make plans in front of me, not make eye contact with me, turn away from me, etc. Lots of exclusive body language. I thought that, eventually, people would grow out of that sort of thing… but now, I’m a full blown adult with a full time job and being left out by my coworkers. Whenever I find myself in a conversation that isn’t one-on-one, no one will look at me or talk to me. Everyone else is looking at everyone else, but not me. It triggers the fifteen year old girl inside me who’s still waiting around to be left out again.

I just don’t get it because, idk. I have a kinder disposition than that. I’ve had a lot of work experience at this point, and I’ve definitely had to work with people I don’t like… but I always look at them, converse with them, include them, use open body language. Something must be really awful about me that people can’t do the same for me. Genuinely, what is it about me that makes people do this to me? I’m not super quiet. I’ve turned myself inside out trying to figure it out.

I was pretty much isolated as a kid and have always been shy at school and in any social situation. I never made lifelong friends, just people I could talk to at school so time would pass quicker. I always felt different and left out and I mostly kept to myself and observed everything around me.

College wasn’t any different, I mostly studied and had a few acquaintances and that was it.

I always struggled with presentations and avoided anything involving huge audiences. At one point I couldn’t even walk alone in the street because I was so anxious about making eye contact with people.

I started therapy 4 years ago and was diagnosed with severe social anxiety and OCD. I was on SSRIs for around 2 years and honestly the only time I wasn’t anxious was when I was on them. It’s not because I suddenly learned social cues or how to act in social situations and around people, I just didn’t give a fuck.

Now I’m almost 28 and still socially awkward and anxious as hell but I can manage interviews, go to work and get things done. But I am always drained at the end of the day . I still don’t know how to act “socially”, and sometimes I spiral into panic attacks.

For the past few years I’ve been wondering if I’m like this because of my upbringing and isolation or if I’m actually autistic.

i’ve always been incredibly awkward and shy, i’m literally on setraline for social anxiety but it hasn’t done much

but when i drink i genuinely turn into the person i’ve always wanted to be, im so incredibly extroverted, i never overthink, i start conversations with strangers and end up making so many connections

i know that it only lowers your inhibitions and i probably do look ridiculous to someone sober but i just miss the feeling of not overthinking every little thing i do, to be able to talk to people without overanalysing everything, i feel so free to say whatever and do whatever and not be so damn awkward

i guess after a lifetime of second guessing myself, thinking i can never be ‘that kind of person’ it’s kind of insane what just a few shots of vodka can to to me

i in no way want to be reliant, i just want to be the person i am when im drunk, but all the time but i don’t know how to!!

i don’t drink that often, maybe once a week? i’m a uni student so it’s not bad

Hello all, a couple of days ago I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder with performance only social anxiety impression, something I’ve struggled with since I was 15. I’m now 19, and I’m relieved to finally have a diagnosis after years of struggling with self confidence and worrying about what people think of me. I wanted to ask how your parents reacted when you told them about your diagnosis.

I didn’t get help earlier because I genuinely thought my anxiety was a natural reaction to specific situations and not a big deal. I was also worried my parents wouldn’t believe me and would think I was exaggerating.

I first told my mum about my anxiety when I was around 17, after an argument with a friend left me unable to defend myself. Although she was concerned, I said I’d go to therapy but eventually chickened out and moved on. When I told her about my diagnosis recently, she was still upset despite taking it better than your typical West African mother might. She worried about the stigma I’d face and mentioned feeling shocked that 2 out of her 3 kids had diagnosed disabilities, as my brother was diagnosed with an intellectual developmental disorder when he was around 4 or 5. After talking more, she acknowledged signs she’d noticed in me before, including my low self esteem, how I didn’t really take care of my appearance when going out especially to school to the point where my sister told my mum to tell me to fix my hair and visibly anxious around meeting new people even my age. However, she’s told me not to tell my siblings or my dad, so I’m unsure whether she’ll fully accept my diagnosis over time.

Anyways, I’ll now be able to access therapy, anxiety support exercises, taking propranolol medication and my university’s disability support groups. I’m hoping this will make my university experience so much better! But I’m curious, how did your parents react when you told them about your diagnosis? Was their reaction positive or negative, and if they struggled with it initially, did they eventually accept it? I’d especially like to hear from people whose families come from especially west African backgrounds where mental health isn’t openly discussed. 💗

I’m 26M and was recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and social anxiety.

I’ve struggled socially my entire life. I want friendships and connections but I’ve always waited for others to initiate things, even when I desperately want to myself. I haven’t had a close friend in over 10 years and have never been in a relationship.

Years of loneliness, anxiety and untreated ADHD have left me feeling like I’ve missed out on so much of life. Medication has helped with my energy and focus but socially I still feel stuck.

And that’s where limerence comes in.

I work full-time and I have some coworkers around my age but I have developed a deep feeling for one of the female coworkers.

It started with ordinary work interactions. She seemed interested in talking to me, asked for help and made me feel included. Nothing romantic, just normal interactions that somehow meant a lot to someone who’s spent most of his life feeling different, unwanted and disconnected.

She’s been on my mind constantly now for a couple of months. I overanalyze every interaction, get nervous around her and struggle to act naturally. When we connect, my mood improves dramatically. When we don’t, I feel rejected, sad or jealous.

I even notice that I’m more motivated and energetic when helping her compared to others which makes me feel even worse about myself.

The frustrating part is that I’m aware of how irrational this is. I barely know her outside work, yet my brain has somehow made her attention feel incredibly important to my happiness.

I don’t want to feel this dependent on someone’s attention. I want genuine connections, friendships and eventually a relationship without becoming emotionally attached to every bit of kindness I receive.

anyone only capable of being outwardly social when they're with a close friend/safe person? like i cannot go up to people or anything outwardly social unless i'm with my best friend, and ironically, we both have social anxiety. if this happens for anyone else, feel free to share your experience. if anyone knows why this occurs, also feel free to lmk because i don't get it.

Yesterday I got ripped on in class by the professor and another student. The professor's joke was light-hearted and a call-back to a joke from a previous class but he kept going back to it throughout the period and really beat the dead horse.

It unfortunately signaled to other students it was okay to pile on because another student went in a more mean direction. I have hyperhidrosis which causes me to sweat excessively at the drop of a hat. I've been struggling with it this semester without the extra attention but that was too much. I couldn't really defend myself because I started to sweat and was so concerned that I couldn't stop the sweat from pouring down my face.

I guess I'm just an easy target. The more I thought about it last night, the angrier I got. I don't want to go back to the class but quitting is more humiliating than returning. I want revenge. Not in a violent way. I just want to make them all uncomfortable and then we can sit in it together. I know it's wrong though.

Title says it all. I was performing with my orchestra a couple of days ago, and they’re people I’d really like to talk to. We all have the same passion for instruments, but my performance anxiety has gotten so bad this year that I’m worried they think less of me as a musician in terms of capabilites (I promise I sound good, I just have wobbly knees and arms when not playing by myself). Everyone seems like they have a group there, and I want to join. But my mind jumps to the conclusion that if I randomly start talking to them, it will look like I’m trying to push myself into their conversations and friendships. Not going to lie, half the trip I was just on my phone and I had no one to sit with.

Does anyone else ever want to say something and you can almost physically feel the words on your tongue? I sometimes want to chime in and talk, but then I overthink and just tell myself to forget it. What do I do? Has anyone else experienced this and have any suggestions? I’d really hate to spend all year just being quiet

before going on antidepressants i couldn’t manage to have a conversation with my closest childhood friend, my mind would go blank and stop working entirely. i would feel like shit the entire time

it’s been nearing 6 months of being on prozac + wellbutrin and the difference is astronomical, i can’t believe how i lived like this before

i just hung out with my childhood friend for the first time in months and it went really well, i could talk to them without any issues and most importantly have fun

social anxiety is seriously a bitch, people don’t take it as seriously as they need to. everyone i knew judged me, nobody understood how awful it was to have your brain biologically work against you

i’m so grateful i’m able to socialize again

Hello, I was just thinking while drunk, why does the social anxiety and overthinking dissapear while drunk. I have struggeled most of my life with social anxiety, and was wondering how do you guys try to seem so social with strangers, I have always had the issue of being unapproachable which made making friends or people of interest harder. I am 20years old and university life has been harder since people do not approach me and I have hard time approaching other people since I feel like a creep or a nuisance approaching people. SORRY IF THIS BREAKS RULES

Maybe this will be more of a personal rant sharing my experience than a developed thought, there probably are places similar to that but pardon my ignorance, I would love to know if there is something similar. Maybe it could help someone who's struggling like I am.

I've been looking for places to get to know people and talk more despite being awful at it, I do want to make connections and have deep friendships, so I've tried many places online.

It's very hard to reach out to others and share your life, I struggle joining calls and texting (even chatting in streams), I know some people feel more comfortable talking to strangers, but I've only felt that with anonymous chats, which usually have a lot of weird people if they're not well moderated (which most aren't).

Then there are online communities, like discord, with which I struggle a lot getting into, feeling like they're already full of people who know each other, It's like I'm an intruder, but I still try to text, voice chats though are something else, I can't imagine joining a conversation people are already having, specially if there's no motivator (like work), that said I never got into a community, or felt part of one (exceptions to friendships irl that I made because of work or the university)

There is a website that called my attention, Wusoup, it's very chill with a strong moderation, no dating involved, I think that keeps the weirdness away, and that works for the most part if you're comfortable chatting and working on a conversation, I haven't had luck to make a connection yet but it was much easier meeting and talking to people, but it's still mostly a platform to chat with strangers.

But in all of those alternatives I have yet to find a place that really feels inviting just to be yourself and to share things that make you worry or struggle with, things that are usually said to a close friend who you've been talking to for years or to a partner. There is this game on steam that gets close, called Fireside feelings, you can share a deep thoughts about a certain subject and also read what others have said, but it's asynchronous so it's more like reading stories, it's nice but lacks personal connection from a real conversation.

I think somewhere perfect would be something anonymous at first, that reinforces more thoughtful messages (not just typing M or F ffs), maybe one on one, they read each other's thought and then develop on it, maybe it's regarding a similar idea, nobody feels like an intruder, nobody knows each other, maybe there could be a chance to become friends or maybe even make groups if more messages are shared together, maybe there could be voice chats clearly open for new people, it could have motivators as a goal.

In real life I see a similar issue too, most social places either involve partying or alcohol or need to be paid monthly, like lessons, and I don't see parks or a library or a cafe as a space to talk, people don't usually go there to meet other people. Of course you can strike a conversation anywhere; what I mean is a space that has that interaction between people in mind, specially nowadays, everyone is so focused on their phones, I just wanted to go to a place (online or offline) where I could sit in a random table knowing that everyone there is also getting to know each other, maybe playing a game or doing a sport; I think that's what happened more as we were kids and we don't see much more of as adults.

TLDR: Places for socializing don't feel very welcoming to someone with social anxiety or difficulty making friendships and don't allow deep conversations from the get go.

I'm trying to build up my tolerance for uncertainty and discomfort in social situations...but my brain needs it to be a silly little game. Give me some low-risk, unhinged things to try!

Here's what I have so far:

Leave someone on read until I'm ready to respond.

Hum in a public place.

Ask someone (a stranger) to repeat themselves if I don't hear/understand.

Go to a restaurant without researching it first.

Post on a subreddit without reading the rules first (oops just did this one).

Tips and mantras are also welcome as I embark on this game.

Does anybody else understand that it's REALLY hard going out with just one person as opposed to 2+ people!?

With one friend, you're forced to keep a conversation going. Then it's super awkward if you two are just sitting there in silence after running out of things to talk about.

With 2+ friends, the conversation goes longer. One person runs out of something to talk about, the other person picks up the slack and comes up with something else. Not as much awkward silence.

My kid wanted to go to an indoor play place - unlimited play. And he wanted to invite a friend. I eventually told him that I didn't want to sit with his mom for hours and hours by myself having to force conversation. She's a friend yes, but it still feels awkward to me!! I felt bad. I ended up asking her anyways and they're out of town for the break.

And playdates, I'm much better having the mom drop off their kid at my house than having that parent stay the whole time having to force conversation. Even if it's a friend or acquaintance. I just... can't.

Please tell me I'm not alone

I think alot of my anxiety comes from people being so fake. I've always been quiet and people tend to forget that I'm there or just ignore my presence completely and I've noticed that so many "friends" talk so much shit about eachother. People will seem really close and be eachothers "ride or die" but as soon as one of them aren't around they are spilling eachothers secrets and talking mad shit about them. Why would I want a friendship/relationship like that? And how do you know when your being a true friend that your friend is doing the same when your not there?

All of it makes me so cautious about what I do or say around anyone. I figure once I say something to 1 person everyone around us is going to know or if I make a mistake or am awkward they are all going to talk and laugh about it later. It makes me just want to completely isolate myself.

I am facing my social anxiety this year will do my best to make it at least comfortable. Something in my early life made me shy away from confrontation and loud crowds. I know what it is but will not discuss here.
I am declaring this to this public to make it easier for me to talk about it and get comfortable with it. Just started counseling. Hoping for the best. My main issue is dealing with crowds that I sorta know. I have met them one or two times before. Cannot remember much about the conversation. My brain is telling me you are a fool you should have remembered what they told you. Always have an issue with telling people I forgot their names also. My councilor told me to identify my feelings / emotions when the anxiety happens. I have noticed a common theme for me is self worth. If I go to an event or group conversation when my self worth is low I feal out of place and disconnected. And of course anxiety of I am the out of place goofy guy. I would then stop talking in the group and become the silent one. Now if something has given my self worth a boost it’s like I am bipolar. I can go into the conversation as the life of the party. I know self worth is connecting to happy hormones in the brain. When they flow life is good. I was always told I was an extroverted-introvert. No I seek to be with new people and enjoy the conversation

How to cope with such situations? Like what to do to cheer myself up? Sometimes I can't even speak to people when they ask me something and they think I'm being arrogant/weird. But actually I'm just exhausted and feeling like a corpse. How do I avoid making things worse at work. It's already a mess due to my non-existent social skills.

I just moved to a new city for school about 3 weeks ago. I'm struggling to make friends. I feel embarrassed and scared to ask people to hang out, out of fear of rejection. What if they think I'm weird? What if they know I have no friends? What if I'm not built for friendship?

I spent most of my time in college alone and depressed, but functional. I wanted nothing more than to have friends. It's something I still want, but I feel really scared of asking in the first place. I can usually talk to people just fine, but i haven't had a friend group since high school, and im 24, so I'm rusty with group interactions as well.

I met people at school events, but it's still difficult.

Hello. I’m a mildly autistic man in my twenties. I have a small social circle, which is certainly better than none, but periodically I get the urge to interact with complete strangers in places like my university, coffee shops, library, the gym, public transport and so on – places that, I imagine, used to be considered third spaces pre-COVID. Still, I feel like the social norms around interacting with strangers in such spaces have changed at some point and such behaviour would be seen as abnormal, weird, creepy and so on.

Should I go ahead with it and attempt to strike a conversation with someone? If not, how do I go about removing that urge to talk to strangers?

Lately, something happened that made me feel like an acquaintance might hate me, and I'm feeling really depressed. I know it's a minor thing to get this upset about, but it makes me feel like I just want to disappear. How do people usually cope with times like this? If you have any recommended methods, please let me know.

For the longest time I thought I was intellectually challenged or had some sort of medical problem but it was anxiety all along. My brain just feels so foggy whenever I talk to people. I blank out and stay silent until people eventually stop talking to me.

I hate not being able to answer questions people ask me, it’s like I just forget everything I’ve learned and experienced in that exact moment. I know I’m capable to answer but it feels like I need to have a script for every interaction I have. I hate not being able to stand up for myself when people disrespect me. And thinking of all the ways I could’ve responded later at night. I hate always messing up interviews and presentations because my brain blanks out and makes me look stupid in front of everyone.

Even when I do try to talk, everything just comes out in a jumbled mess. I sound so incoherent and when people look confused I feel more discouraged to even try. I’m so jealous of people who can talk so naturally and come up with things on the spot. I feel like I’ll never reach that state no matter how hard I try.

Im currently planning to drop out in my fisrt semester due to social anxiety and some other reasons. My course is international relations and all we do in seminars is giving presentations which is one of my biggest fears. To be honest i was a dumbass for not expecting this but i havent really researched any course before apllying. This course is also very vauge and doesnt give you a specific proffession so theres a huge emphesis on networking to conpensate for the weak degree.

So long story short im looking for a major that doasnt require much socialisation and where the focus is much stronger on actual merit instead of social skills. I am thinking engineering or some stem field despite not having a strong base but im willing to put in much effort to have a carrier path that rewards skills instead of the way you present yourself.

Ive made some similar posts in other subs but nobody seemed to understand me and the advice i got was "just get over it" so i hope someone can relate to this.

I'm in high school as a senior currently but throughout my entire school year I've had an intense fear of having to talk infront of people or confront somebody. Does anyone know what to do?

EDIT: Thank you for all your responses! I am getting too many messages to answer all of them, even though I am trying, please consider chatting to each other :)

Hey there,

Is anyone aged 30 - 45ish (i'm 35) interested in occasionally chatting on here via private message/chat? Just to share the day to day struggles and feeling less alone ideally... or talk about other interests etc..