Just wanted to put it out there that I had an incredible night at a club with 3 men as a queer femme. It first started with one of the men I met who I thought was gay, but he expressed interest and we started making out and dancing. Another guy saw us on the dance floor, I vibed with him while first guy was dancing on me from behind, we became a trio. Later while I was dancing with second guy, a third guy started vibing with guy 1, we all came together and started passing each other around. It was super fun and cute. At one point walking around the club a sexy older daddy gave me a look like “atta girl.” I felt so safe & spoiled the whole night.

A simple visual reminder that consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. A yes can change, and saying yes to one thing doesn’t mean yes to everything.

FRIES framework: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent

Hi, a bit of an existential crisis info dump: I have recently left my controlling religion and have explored myself more. I’m gender-fluid, lesbian, and have recently begun looking into labels under the acesexual/aromantic umbrella. In short, I want physical intimacy without actual sex. I want to be cared for in actions but do not want to navigate romantic emotions. This has led me to the age old tale of BDSM and foreplay.

Here is where my issue comes in. Growing up very sheltered I don’t know a friend who knows someone, I don’t know where to find education or information, or how to find events or community. Trying to do my own research or find educational info has just led me to concerning porn cites.

It’s made me start to feel very out of the loop. I don’t really know what I’m doing and I hear people online talk about groups and all the info they know and somehow I can’t find any of it. So I’m asking if anyone knows any events or groups in Orlando FL that are beginner friendly, or any forums/creators/or other sources of educational information that aren’t just straight up porn videos I would be extremely grateful!
Thanks lots!

My husband and I are struggling to find what we are looking for. The best way I can describe it is that we are looking for “semi-private” sexual experiences. We don’t want to have sex with anyone else, we do want to be able to lock the door and be secluded. The key is that we want to be able to have sexual experiences with the knowledge that other people could hear us, and know what we are doing. The key is, we don’t want to do this without other consenting adults, so we are trying to figure out how to go about finding experiences like this. My thought was to find a group of people, trusted, sex positive friends, who enjoy traveling together. We hang out, enjoy time with each other, but if you want to depart and go back to your nearby space and have sex and be loud, go for it. No one would judge.

This semi-private experience doesn’t feel like a wild fantasy or want, but I have no clue how to go about actually making it happen, so I figured I’d ask here.

Both husband and I don’t want people in our day to day life to know that we are involved in this, so we’d like to find some new people.

Sorry for the essay, but if you have knowledge or advice on this topic, I’d love to hear it.

If this is the wrong subreddit for this kind of post, my apologies!

My gf(39) was abused by an older family member from when she was about 7 until a late teen. She has had therapy regarding this in her 20s which helped her open up about the abuse with her family and cope/manage triggers.

We've been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. When she's alone she often turns to alcohol to self medicate. It's during these times where she occasionally will open up to me and talk about her abuse. I will generally just listen and be as supportive as possible.

Last weekend there was another instance of this, and she revealed to me a few things. Mainly that whilst she loves having sex with me, she feels guilty and dirty afterwards, every time. And that it feels like it's something she shouldn't be doing. I asked her if it's only with me she has felt that way and she said no, with all her sexual partners as an adult post the abuse she has felt that way afterwards. She feels guilt and immense shame because during her abuse she would orgasm every time, and feels that she would go looking for it because she "enjoyed it". She said she constantly thinks about it and hates herself for it.

I explained to her that she had no control over the reaction of her body and just because she had an orgasm doesn't mean she wanted it or consented to what happened to her.

She also said, that at some times I remind her off her abuser. For context we're completely different rac and ethnicity, I'm short her abuser is tall. But we both wear glasses and are tech savvy, and I believe he's also bald like me. And she said that we eat in similar ways. I got no idea what to make of that tbh.

I feel like she has a lot of unresolved trauma, thoughts and feelings that she's holding inside and possibly needs to let out. But she will only talk about it when drunk basically. The next day when she was sober I asked her if we could have a talk about things and she said later but then I don't want to pressure her and she won't bring it up. She will just carry on as normal as if what she said never happened.

And now, I don't feel comfortable engaging with sex knowing that afterwards she is going to be feeling dirty or guilty. It's a delicate situation but it doesn't feel right.

I have no idea where we go from here, maybe we need joint therapy, or she needs individual therapy again. I don't know, but the things she told me she said she didn't tell her therapist. So maybe she didn't work through everything she needed to if there were some things she didn't disclose.

I don't really have a specific question but any advice/thoughts welcomed. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

TLDR: Gf was abused as a child/teen by a family member, and has felt dirty after having sex ever since. Discloses things while drunk, doesn't want to talk about it sober

Please give me advice, as I am an idiot.

honestly, looking back at my dating history why was i out here wasting my weekends dealing with fragile egos, inconsistent texts and bare-minimum effort from men! i can‘t understand

i ended up dumping my last ex after i realized i spent more time comforting his ego than actually enjoying myself. he would last about 3 minutes, and every single time i had to lie and say "it’s fine, don't worry about it!" while sitting there completely unsatisfied.

well i'm not naturally super sensitive. i get easily stressed and turned off by rough, aggressive sex.it just makes me freeze up. the best sex of my life was actually with this super gentle guy I dated a while back. we spent ages cuddling, kissing, and he took his time using his hands and mouth until i was completely ready. but we broke up because of long distance, and every date since then has been a total letdown. i honestly spent a long time missing that guy.

until recently, when i officially deleted all my dating apps for good. because i finally found a "boyfriend" that actually works for me my new sex partner .all i can say is... oh my god. the adjustable, velvet-soft suction feels like having that gentle guy back or literally a dream first love going down on you, except it has multiple settings and never gets tired.

when technology has already solved this problem, why waste time on dating apps with guys who don't even practice basic hygiene?

girls who gave up on mediocre dating and promoted their toys to boyfriend status: what was the exact moment you realized there was no going back?

update:basically i don't know when i will done with it not sure just see.

Hey everyone,

I saw a post here yesterday from someone talking about their parents being swingers and just wanting someone to relate to. It was really nice to see people being understanding instead of judgmental, so I wanted to share our situation too.

I'm 20M. I'm a fourth-generation nudist, my mom being third generation and my dad started practicing after meeting her, for us nudity at home has always been about comfort and body positivity. We live clothing-optional at home.

My parents are in a stag/vixen / hotwife dynamic, basically swingers / open relationship. I'm totally fine with it, they're adults with their own lives and it's their relationship. They waited until my brother and I were older (17/18+) to really tell us openly about it, though we had kind of pieced it together before.

We're also a very sex-positive household in general. We talk openly about relationships and boundaries, and for us sex is treated as something natural and not shameful.

It would be nice to connect with others who grew up with similar family dynamics, nudist, or parents who are swingers/open.

I've done a couple AMAs before if you want more background:

1. I kept it mostly non-sexual here and didn't go into sexual questions much: https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/pZU2RQHInp

2. I answered both non-sexual and sexual questions more freely here: https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/s/uzlquDZP1c

Happy to answer questions about how it was growing up like this and how it affected body image / trust / family closeness.

TL;DR: 20M, fourth-gen nudist family. My parents are swingers - stag/vixen dynamic. We have a clothing-optional, sex-positive household. Just looking to connect with others who grew up with similar dynamics.

Mod note: If this post isn't allowed here please let me know and I'll delete it right away. Not trying to break any rules, just wanted to share and relate to similar experiences.

Thanks for reading.

38 M. Never known how to be upfront to a partner, or even myself really about what I like. So, I've only been with women. Love everything about women. But, behind the scenes and only with myself...I found i like dick. Started seeing trans porn and really liking it. Then trying toys on myself and loving it and watching pegging vids. Looking at dicks turns me on too.

However, I dont find men overly attractive at all, not only physically, but especially in a romantic way. I dont think I could ever date a man because i only care whats below the waist, but I might would sleep with one or be in an MMF 3sum. But is this weird? Im too embarrassed to bring it up or do anything. How do I tell a partner I like dick and assplay as a masculine man who loves women? I dont want to run off every potential gf or partner. Probably a stupid thing to even ask, but 🤷🏻‍♂️ ..replies and DMs appreciated.

Dear diary incoming:

I always put the pressure upon myself for sex to be very passionate and intense, and felt that I should be dominant as the man. Bc I thought that's how sex should be in its most vanilla form, and is what women expect. ONSs always came with a lot of stress and performance anxiety, so they were never really enjoyable for me, and neither were they for the other party bc of the erectile dysfunction it caused. I just chalked that off as 'ONSs are not for me'. In relationships I was able to enjoy sex, mostly due to the emotional connection, but still there was on and off EP and lots of self imposed expectations. My partners were always more into it than I was and had higher libidos. I convinced myself that I'm just not that much into sex, maybe slightly towards asexual on the spectrum. 'Amazing sex' had no meaning for me.

At some point I realized that what I really wanted was different from what I thought I should want. There was a lot of shame involved at first. I knew what I wanted, but I was afraid to give in to it. I felt that if I'm not into intense sex, I must be broken somehow. But now I'm slowly starting to embrace it, and it feels so nice. The thought of having a sex partner to just lay in bed with, naked, cuddling, kissing, slowly exploring each other's bodies without expectations, is very exciting to me. Whether it be a ONS or a romantic partner. Exchanging sensual massages, really focusing on the sensations and taking our time. Hell yeah.

I didn't yet get to experience this with someone, still need to find a likeminded partner lol. But just feeling excited about the idea of having a ONS is liberating.

I guess I'm here looking for a sense of community and understanding. I'd be interested to hear similar stories, though not excluded to the same preferences I have. This being a sex positive community, I'm open to hearing about every area on every sexual spectrum. Yay for sex!

​

Hi,

Wasn't really sure where else to post. For some background I have watched lots of different porn since I was 7 years old. And I was addicted for a long time and this was to various types genres etc.

A few years ago, I married my amazing wife and we are both virgins but had some ideas about what we wanted to try. If I am honest I think both of us may be switches but I feel she is naturally more submissive but wants to try things to make me happy which I'm grateful for but don't want her to feel pressured or lead to resentment if she's not enjoying things.

My fantasies honestly vary greatly. I don't know if it's because of previous porn use but they vary significantly from domming my wife so hard and having multiple women submit to me, to being extremely submissive to my wife and wanting her to enjoy others whilst she tied me up. I honestly don't understand how it can vary that much.

The issue is that obviously with my history porn is not healthy for me and so it's not good to watch or use as a resource to explore my kinks, secondly I don't want to put pressure on my wife as I think we both agree that it's best to keep our relationship exclusive.

But I do get strong fantasies to totally submit to her or even try TPE, but then again I'm not sure how to explore this or find out more and I also don't want to pressure her.

In the same way, I then feel these strong fantasies but I don't want to hurt her or involve other people but then it leads to sometimes feeling strong unmet needs and I am genuinely unsure how to navigate all of this hence I'm posting on here

Okay so like...this may not be the right place, but I have no clue where else to put it. I am a (I think bisexual) 25 year old virgin male, shocking haha I know. My parents didn't teach me anything about sex, and I was jome schooled. Everything I "know " about sex was learned from porn, and I realize that a lot of that is bullshit. I recently made a friend who is quite the opposite, and she has been gently nudging me to consider "getting out there and exploring or having fun", which I greatly appreciate, however....I have no idea how? And even then, I am frankly really scared of being that vulnerable and exposed in front of anyone. I've also been stuck in this...idealistic fantasy thst "the one" will just show up when I least expect it. I know that's not how life works. I think I was / am just trying to convince myself of it, so i dont have to actually put in the effort and embarrass myself, or fail, or go through heartbreak, or get cheated on. I even tried to force myself to think I was a sexual for a bit. Is this something that only therapy could fix? Does anyone else have similar experiences? I don't know...thanks for reading if you made it this far

I have a tendency to feel attracted to women I'm friend with or acquainted to, especially in any activity group I'm in. I rarely actively pursue them, but if they happened to initiate anything sexual, I definitely would not say no. But I feel like a pervert, a terrible person, for thinking about my female friends and acquaintances this way. I constantly fear one of them finding out I think about them in this manner, that they would be disgusted, they would warn everyone else about me, I would be ostracized, and they would be morally and ethically right to do so.

How do I stop feeling this way?

My wife's birthday is coming up and she's been hinting at wanting me to surprise her with something special/new for her birthday. She hasn't asked for anything specific yet and I don't think she has something in mind. She brought up how she used whipped cream on my birthday during oral as an example of something special.

I've been wracking my brain to try and figure out something that would be special for her without straight up asking her and ruining the surprise.

Things that she likes: Doggy, being a brat, missionary with a vibrating cock ring, rough sex/BDSM, shibari, choking

Things that she doesn't mind but won't ask for: Oral, fingering, making out, nipple play

Things that are a hard no: Feet, Anything involving her asshole, CNC, most extreme fetishes

This isn't an exhaustive list, but I figured this would help with different suggestions. We've also been experimenting with chastity lately. I was the one who wanted to do it, but she's been enjoying being a keyholder.

Tonight there's a free meet up at a bar near me. Its for sex positive people and swingers. I want to go. I have no expectations and am not going just to hook up. But I am introverted and prefer if a woman approaches me. Also nsfw conversations tend to be very easy for me to get into and I dont want to scare people off. I feel like I should go and try to meet new people. I just dont want to compete for a woman's attention with 20 other dudes. Thoughts?

I’m 31 but she’s still looking out for me.

I (33F if to matters) found myself on a corner of TikTok where women were expressing their disgust at finding out their male partners masturbated to porn and feelings of resentment and hatred toward the women in the videos, some sounded even obsessive over it. Some comments even claimed it was a factor in ending their relationships.

To each their own of course and relationship boundaries differ, but particularly the disgust expressed toward men was surprising to me. It’s one thing to say your partner looking at porn actors that look nothing like you makes you feel a certain way, it’s another to be apparently disgusted by them being a sexual creature and giving themselves pleasure.

Is masturbating an ick for anyone?

Me ‘33F’ and my boyfriend ‘28M’ live together now and I have a higher sex drive than him currently (and maybe indefinitely). We’ve been together one year and friends a year before that. He’s a recovering opiate addict and is currently getting off his medications that also lowered his libido and sensitivity. We have sex about 2-5 times a week compared to his solo pleasing with porn about 3-5 times/month. I’m not anti porn and don’t want to take that away from him as he has some good reasons for watching it: he has some intimacy issues from past abuse and occasionally uses it spur of the moment as a quick release where there’s no one to please or consider, no one watching, zero stakes. And for him it’s entirely different than irl sex and he also acknowledges it can most definitely cause issues in relationships. He says it’s like escaping with a drug and he says he doesn’t think about it and simply & quickly watches and climaxes when he gets the urge. He’s also asked if it’s such a bad thing that he occasionally seeks “more” or “variety”, which was tough to hear but also my logical mind understands that women and esp men are hard wired for novelty seeking. He’s reassured me he’s very attracted to me.

I am afraid that he’ll desensitize himself and his pleasure to real sex with me, and delay his brain and body’s progress to feeling the best he can with me (not in his head, and have total sensation etc). Of course porn is a massive dopamine hit and can do that if in the wrong amount compared to irl sex. And the numbers bring me solace for a bit, as I know he’s generally prioritizing me over porn (sex and being emotional available and a good partner). I’m also afraid he’ll seek porn for the kink and not want to translate that to our sex life…we’ve grown vanilla and he’s acknowledged that and told me why. And for him, things have to come naturally and he doesn’t like to be told what to do if he believes he’s done nothing wrong. He has a lot of shame so consider that. And also, I’ve pushed him past his comfort zone with all this and it’s driven a wedge between us. It’s paradoxical, because the more we talk about it the worse our sex kids will be at this point. I just I wish he’d choose me to re-wire his brain with rather than with porn but also, he is doing that with our semi-frequent sexual encounters.

I go to therapy already fyi

Sex for him with me has gotten better since he’s been Cali sober (plus nicotine vapes) and tapering off his meds and he says that his climax to porn is “piddly” compared to our sexual encounters. Still, it really bothers me that he would even at times rather spend his sexual energy on a screen rather than with me, plus he know how much it destroys me but he genuinely doesn’t think it’s affecting our sex life. However, I’m at the point where when I leave I am consumed by the idea of him jerking it to porn and having none left for me when I get home. It’s ruining my life….or I’m driving myself crazy. Idk.

At first I would compulsively want sex from him to prevent him from watching it (I still enjoyed it but it was insane), and now if I even suspect he’s watched it while away or if I ask and he tells me he has, I shut down and have hard time shaking it.

I’m looking for advice especially from someone who has had experience with opiates, sa, porn addiction, and/or someone who has a healthy relationship with porn who is also in a loving and sexually active relationship like we have. Maybe I’m being selfish here.

We’ve talked about this so much and I’ve really pushed his comfort and we’ve gotten heated with it and it’s all beginning to cause a wedge in our relationship. He assures me he’s attracted to me. He’s also asked why it’s so bad for him to occasionally seek variety or “more” that porn provides and that women and men especially are hardwired to seek variety and that doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to me or not satisfied: to him masturbating to porn and sex with me are entirely different things. Also I know that his frequency isn’t a lot when compare to our sex. But all and all, I’m still finding myself hung up and bothered by it.m and it’s truly ruing my/our days.

What are some tools I can employ to prevent feeling awful anytime I suspect he’s watched it? And is there a compromise we can reach?

This isn’t a deal breaker for me as we have a good relationship otherwise.

TLDR; It makes me extremely uneasy knowing that my boyfriend watches porn even though we have significantly more sex than he does that.

The only women who are interested in me are ones I’m not attracted to. The women I’m attracted to aren’t interested in me. I’m still a virgin at 37 because I just can’t bring myself to have sex with someone I’m not attracted to. The idea of having sex with someone I’m not attracted to makes me so uncomfortable. But I don’t want to be a virgin any more. What do I do?

Have your personal experiences influenced your preferences or fetishes? Have you ever wondered where your fetishes actually come from?

I'm a guy in my mid-20s who is a virgin who wants to try and change that. A big issue is I'm extremely overweight but am currently losing (450>350). Being this size has resulted in a large fat pad and a hidden penis. When erect pushing the fat down, I'm average at about 6 inches, but when it's not pushed, it's much smaller. When I lay down, maybe 4. When I'm standing, maybe 2-3. I've read a lot of men really struggle to lose the fat pad, so I'm not sure how much better this will get.

So, my concern is how much PIV sex is really possible. Anything with a woman on top, I think, should be fine. But anything else I see being an issue, particularly with condoms staying on. I think I'm verily open to trying to give and achieve pleasure in other ways, but I fear this may get too boring for a potential sexual partner.

So to the women on here. Would very little or no PIV sex be a dealbreaker for you, provided the person was also trying to please you in other ways?

Hey all. Sorry if this isn’t the spot to ask, please point me in the right direction if it isn’t

The title pretty much explains it. But for some context, I’ve only recently been able to start exploring sexually (both solo and partnered) despite being well into my adulthood. And I’ve discovered, I’m a squirter. Much to my annoyance 😅

It doesn’t matter how much or what kind of stimulation I’m receiving, it still happens. Buzzing, rumbles, suction, air pulsation, penetration, no penetration, even just rubbing one out.

It also happens before orgasm. It’ll happen just bc I’ve decided to give myself a little bit of attention 🤦

It’s rather annoying, as I’m pretty much confined to the shower for playtime. So if anyone knows anything that might help… please help me out 🙏

I'm a older male and for the sake of context, happily married but in what has been a gradually dying and finally dead bedroom. It's not a big deal, I manage...

My alternatives are amateur porn, ideally produced for and motivated by exhibitionism and the sharing of pleasure. I particularly enjoy women on the "sluttier" side - anonymous sex, additional male partners, cuckold (but not humiliation), gangbangs, etc. I'm not unusual :o/

I love to see the women in these situations enjoying themselves - but what I am baffled by is the lack of lubrication in many of these videos.

So here's the thing: there's little to no monetisation going on - I avoid Onlyfans etc, so I see the presence of lubrication or "cream" as a sign of authenticity and enthusiastic physiological consent, as it were, and it really turns me on.

I appreciate not every woman lubricaties the same amount, but some are lubed so little...

Have I just had partners that produce a lot of lubrication? Is vaginal dryness more of a problem than I thought?

Or am I watching a woman being coerced into an act?

Edit: do people not read posts? I'm talking about distinctly amateur porn, with partner either behind the camera or on front of it. Not pro porn.

Wife and I are going on a cruise and wanna try some fun meetup roleplay stuff with each other.
Like leaving separately, meeting at a bar pretending we’ve never met, different names/backstories, one of us trying to pick the other one up, etc.
Looking for actual scenarios/setups we can play out around the ship. Funny, flirty, sexy, whatever. We’re both totally into it and wanna really commit to the characters 😂
What scenarios would you try?