For context I had bought formula one tickets a long time ago.. while they were cheaper, I planned to go with a friend but it fell through. I was going to sell them, sat on it. My mom decided that she wanted to go next year with her dad that I’ve only met twice and my dad as well, which would be crazy expensive, but she was drinking and I wasn’t going to stop her. About a month before the race I had decided I did want to go, it was something I spent my money on and my dad watches the races with me as well.

My mom has been extra depressed lately, super negative, everyone is out to get her, and everytime I wanted to tell her, I just got so anxious and I couldn’t. Long story short, I pitched the idea that I’d go with my dad (I mentioned it to him ONCE) and she freaked out, I told her it was okay, I was sorry, understood her frustration that I didn’t let her know sooner, and sold the tickets because I took responsibility for it.

I thought it would end there but it didn’t, of course. We didn’t speak for two days (a record), and she sent the initial text after we passed in the kitchen. I knew it was bait and I honestly shouldn’t have texted back because she had been drinking all day regardless.

She began twisting every event that’s ever happened to fit her narrative. It’s like the same pattern I see in every text. All of a sudden the trip just her and I took to New York that went well, in the past 5 years she’s never spoken ill about it, was just awful! I was apparently conspiring behind her back, and I’m just completely obsessed with a motorsport to the point that I don’t see how I hurt people! Honestly, all I can do is laugh. I apologized for what I needed to apologize for, and yet somehow she doesn’t see a problem with her reaction at all. I had to block her for the first time despite living in the same house, but it’s been a breath of fresh air. Just to add, my goodluck was genuine, lol.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you if you’ve read all of it. I know I could’ve handled it better, and from now on I’m done trying to explain myself and justify myself to her if she wants to ignore the numerous apologies I’ve already given and refuse to stick to the topic.

A bit of a different one to what age they’re stuck at.

What age do you think they see you as?

My pwBPD thinks I’m still 13-14. I’m well beyond that, several fold. They often reference things I did at that age as though I haven’t grown out of them, or changed my opinion. Things like “you eat loudly,” I haven’t done that since I was a child.

They also see me academically stuck at that level, with no “real world experience.” I have far surpassed my pwBPD education wise, but they cling onto random jobs they did decades ago for a few years maximum as a form of expertise. When I struggled with severe mental health, they told me “you don’t know what real severe issues looks like.”

It’s as though you hit that age and they stopped seeing your changes in the decades after that.

Hello all,

I’m in a dark spiral of resentment and I came here to let it out in hopes I will feel less angry at the world. My uBPD mother is moving to my state from many states away. My narcissist dad died in December so she has decided her new life starts now. I’m no contact with her for 2 years now. I broke no contact when my dad suddenly died and that bit me in the butt. Now she has convinced her sister to buy her a house in my state and she will pay rent. I was fine with this as she’s hours away. Now I learn that this house is brand new construction and custom. She is flying down to pick her counter tops and such.

I’m so angry. She and my dad made my brother and I feel like we would be on the streets any day because money was so tight. She would tell us how when my dad dies she will be eating dog food because they have no savings etc. it used to scare the crap out of me as a kid and now I have anxiety buying anything that’s not a necessity. She texted my husband that she hates me on the day of my dad’s funeral and has admitted numerous times that she attacks me to “get a rise out of me”. How is it that this cruel, manipulative woman with zero accountability can just make out like a bandit? She never had a mortgage. Her dad bought her and my dad’s house. They made “payments” but no threat of foreclosure when your dad is the homeowner. She has never earned anything and yet she seems to have hit the lottery so many times. She does drugs and has since I was born and has never been caught or punished.

Im just so angry that she gets to crap all over me and my husband and I have no one to run to when/if we get into a pickle but this woman is in her 60s and always has someone to clean up her mess.

Is God punishing me?

Cat tax is Fisher. He is very soft and has no bones.

I’m new here. I read the rules and I guess I need to post a cute cat picture. So I’ll add that.
I highly suspect my mom has BPD and have for years. My own counselor, who of course told me she couldn’t officially diagnose my mom, said that based on things I’ve told her over the last few years that it’s likely that she has BPD.

I want to be able to comment and post when I’m ready. I haven’t talked to my mom is over 6 weeks and she hasn’t talked to me (both very minimal one sentence in passing at an event),

Hi everyone,

Question - do any of you feel as if you need to document everything or must ensure you always have proof of things? Like leaving yourself a little trail of breadcrumbs to follow for later.

I feel like I have to ensure I can prove EVERYTHING in my life and I know it’s because I grew up constantly being invalidated and told my reality was incorrect. Is anyone else unable to trust themselves or have zero confidence because of it? This is a relatively new revelation/connection I’ve made and it genuinely affects every bit of my life. I don’t think anyone in my life can really relate and I don’t know how to articulate it very well. Anything you’ve got I’d be incredibly appreciative to hear!

I don't even know how to TW this, so take that as a TW.

Like, stuff that's more aptly described as weird and creepy rather than outright abusive on it's own. It's extremely hard to point my finger at it without sounding like a paranoid mfer.

Asides from not protecting me from any of mom's bullshit, my dad just.. completely disregards any common sense about my safety? Today, he sent repairpeople over right in the middle of my normal shower time, and the only reason they didn't enter the house while I had my pants down was because they didn't follow his instructions and knocked on the door instead of calling.

He wasn't home, and he planned to let them in remotely. I had no warning about any of this. When I asked him about it, he was "sorry, the plan was to let them in without telling you, and I would have watched them through the cameras, and just hoped they wouldn't go into the house!"

Nothing happened. Nobody saw anything. But it very easily could have, and he doesn't get why I'm extremely uncomfortable, and if it did, he'd have been zero help!

Thank you for all the responses yesterday, I really do appreciate it. I just wanted to come back and share what happened the day after my mother was upset with me for not checking in on her all day.

She texted me the next morning asking for directions to a diner. She doesn’t Dr. and a friend of hers would be picking her up and driving them there. The friend has a phone and knows how to use it properly, unlike my mother, so she’d have no issue with getting there. Yet my mother insists on me giving her directions.

I was out shopping at the time, I didn’t really feel like thinking about which turn to take here or there, so all I did was lift it up on maps and sent a screenshot.

I didn’t realize I made a mistake, the directions started off from where I was at the time instead of my mother’s building. I had admitted that I made a mistake and I corrected it, but as you will see that wasn’t good enough, and things escalated pretty quickly as they usually do.

This is not pertaining to personal conflicts (or maybe even BPD), rather news stories, goings ons in the neighborhood, political events, etc. My pwBPD does do it to personal conflicts between us though. They’ll accuse me of being this master manipulator that carried out this entire siege for some gain. It’s like they can’t accept reality that something just is straightforward and there isn’t a mystical foul play at hand. Oftentimes, they don’t believe concrete facts that dispel their theory. Can anyone else relate? Personal or general stories.

Without revealing my own personal circumstances nor touching on hot button topics that my pwBPD is obsessed over that’ll inflame responses here, I’ll make up an example.

Situation: Elderly neighbor who lives alone falls in the night and isn’t discovered until the next morning when their son does his daily check in. By then, it was too late. The son was out of town the night before with friends, and is a successful careerman who is trusted and beloved by the community. The family is very middle class, no secret hordes of wealth.

pwBPD: No no, there’s something fishy going on. I’ve always thought the son was weird. The son must’ve broken in in the night and pushed their parent and left, returning in the morning to play innocent.

You: That isn’t what happened and the son was at an event with friends. What would the son want from his parent that he doesn’t already have? He’s a person with a decent career and home.

pwBPD: Then the son hired a body double to do it so the parent wouldn’t think it was a break in! I always knew he was strange. I bet he wanted his parents money. (Continues to obsess over it for a long time despite having no connection to anyone involved)

It’s odd and very exhausting to talk with them. It’s like they live on another planet, and won’t accept that everyday people die, accidents happen, etc that have no higher power above them. They just happen. It’s like they live everyday in a drama TV show. My pwBPD also gets hysterical when I disprove their theory and usually turns it into a personal argument that I must think they’re stupid, that they’re smarter than me with more life experience, I’m an idiot child (I am far past my teen years, very far), pretends they have a deep stake in this “debate” because it sort of relates to trauma they experienced, every excuse in the book to pretend they’re not gossip-y and nosy.

Haiku:
Round belly sweeps floor,
Purring weight upon the couch,
Heavy, happy loaf.

Hi, first time posting but long time lurker. This is the reality I live in with my Dad. His reality is not real life. I constantly feel like I’m going insane.

He texted me on Wednesday asking me to go to dinner on Thursday with him. I text him back Thursday morning clarifying if he means Thursday as in today or next Thursday. He comes back later and says “I’m not free tonight” and I’m like LOL ok then, you were the one asking! I had also told him my husband and I would go to his family reunion this weekend earlier this week by text. I miss his call when we’re out running errands, and an hour later get the all too familiar guilt trippy “why aren’t you responding to me” texts. I wasn’t going to respond. THEN my mom calls me (parents have been divorced for 10+ years) and said he texted her saying “Have you heard from daughter??? I’m worried about her!!!!!” So then I’m pissed and send that text message. I also find out later he called and texted my husband a similar thing. Then he goes on to deny reality and say I never texted him that morning (ok can you not scroll up and see my message???) and that I never said we would go to the reunion. And of course we get the mean parent tone even though I’m 27 years old and married. Thanks Dad!

A few months ago I thought I could have a nice visit with my mom because the birth of my daughter made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. The visit went as expected - so many strange and uncomfortable interactions ending with a totally crazy blow up.

When I was going over my mom's visit and my childhood with my therapist, she said these behaviors sound a lot like BPD. People, the scales fell from my eyes! I started to reevaluate so much of my childhood in this new light (seems like this is a common activity upon realizing...). Wow. It made me realize that the feeling I had of being intrinsically wrong is largely (completely?) linked to never being enough to console my mom, to keep her happy/do the right things/be loyal enough, etc. (you know...)

Anyways, what keeps happening as I read about pwBPD and the effects on their children is that my brain keeps switching from contemplating my childhood to contemplating my marriage. It is so devoid of emotional connection and full of scapegoating, overall it has been really challenging for a long time. I think I am playing the same roll as I did in childhood and getting the same results - the good girl is not good enough.

So, I am wondering, did anyone have a similar set of realizations and what happened? Were you able to overcome your childhood patterns in the context of the relationship? I am not hopeless but I feel regularly confused (e.g., am I just projecting patterns from pwBPD childhood? Am I overblowing things? etc.). For context, I am in my mid 30's.

hand in your soft fur

sunlight slides across the floor

warmth standing time still

I have a real doozy of a mom. She has BPD and she's a therapist. She has a lot of free time on her hands and has been unmarried for ~20y, and her hobbies can be productive (going out with friends, watching movies, exercise, cooking) and...unproductive (micromanaging her kids).

One thing she's repeatedly brought up is 'concern trolling'. She knows what it is and she's proud of her ability to weaponize it. She's always had a habit of trying to get people to laugh at her through jokes that, frankly, aren't funny, and she repeats them until someone acknowledges them. There's an undercurrent of deep insecurity there that's easier to just indulge rather than fight. With the advent of social media, she will brag about going on peoples' videos on Instagram or TikTok, especially if they complain about boomers, and comment things like, "Why are you so upset? I worked hard for what I had!" or, "I didn't complain when I had to work to provide for my family," basically like...regurgitating bootstrap mentality. She has nuance on the economics and rationale behind why things are going differently for Millennials, she just chooses to fuck with people to get a rise out of them.

The "hobby" is whatever, there's nothing I can control about that, but similar to how serial killers start with small animals and work their way up to humans, obviously this behavior has trickled up to my wife and I. We had been aligned that we weren't going to accept her help but had a moment of deep overwhelm recently and decided to give it a try, and my god, she held her shit together beautifully the first time, she was incredibly helpful, and we made the fatal error of going to a second location and letting her come back to help again. And she just went off, she knows the things she says are inflammatory, and it's insanely difficult to manage her toddler provocation while trying to get things done with another person.

She's not invited back to "help", but we're bracing ourselves for an onslaught of this behavior as we prepare to have our first baby, and I wanted to get a gut check on how folks have handled this if their BPD parents have pulled this shit before. She's definitely preparing to be an active grandparent and I want to have firm boundaries in place with this and the exhausting litany of other things to deal with.

Cute cat for rules.

Long-time reader, first-time poster:
Soft kitty and warm
Kitty little ball of fur
Happy kitty purr

I’m 36F, and my 68F mom was diagnosed with BPD just a few years ago. There’s one incident from my childhood with my then undiagnosed BPD mom that I just can’t file away. Normally, I was able to “solve” incidents and put them away by figuring out what I could have done differently to avoid or mitigate them. But not this one. It’s somewhat baffling given that this wasn’t even that bad on the scale of her behaviors when I have dealt with so many other and worse things from our past.

I had just turned 12 and was going into 7th grade. It was meet your teacher day, and my mom made us late like always. So, my homeroom teacher was already partway into what he was saying when we arrived, and a bunch of dads were standing, blocking the doorway while moms and kids were more fully inside the classroom.

I could hear the teacher. So, I was trying to pay attention because, let’s be real, it was really me that needed the information, but my mom was pressing me forward and telling me in a normal speaking voice while everyone else was quiet to press through the men to get into the classroom because she couldn’t hear. I was still in the midst of (what I look back on and realize was) my first major depressive episode which had started the year before, and the school bullying had really started in earnest the year before, as well. Middle school is hell. Anyway, I shook my head no as I wasn’t eager to make a scene and stand out. I also moved to the side so that she could press through if she wanted to. But no, apparently, it had to be me. I was trying to keep our disagreement quiet.

She left in a huff. I followed her back to the car where she locked me out and was yelling at me through the window for quite a while. Just in the middle of the parking lot of my school. Eventually, I had groveled sufficiently enough to be let in the car. I don’t even remember if we went back inside the school, but if we did, we certainly missed a lot of it.

The problem is that everything I can think of to have done differently requires a level of independence from her that I didn’t have at the time. If I had just let her go off to the car alone, she likely would have stormed back in to cause a huge scene or, less likely, would have left me there or at least pretended do so. I didn’t have a cellphone yet to call my dad to come get me. God forbid I would have to ask for someone else to call my dad; hiding the secret of her behavior felt paramount at the time. I had told a nurse at a hospital once when I was in 1st grade, and she immediately went and basically tattled to my mom. You can imagine how well that went for me. Plus, my mom had said many times that CPS would just take me off to foster care where I would be raped.

The me that exists now wouldn’t have a problem matching her energy and saying just as loud if not louder that she’s welcome to do it herself. Back then, though, we were in a school where I was vulnerable to my peers. I can imagine it would be similar if she started making a scene at my workplace. …Now that I think about it, she has done that to some extent at a family Christmas party at my last job. It was difficult to curb her behavior, but she didn’t act out to this extent. I haven’t invited her to a work event since which sometimes means that my dad and/or nieces that she and I raised can’t come either.

So, on the one hand, this incident led to me getting to a stronger place in my life, and it just wasn’t immediately solved. On the other hand, it’s a slow but consistent drip drip drip in the back of my mind the idea that there was something I could have done better at the time to handle this. Maybe there was nothing, but that’s awful in its own way as I was completely checkmated by her and vulnerable. I’m worried that since I essentially haven’t patched this vulnerability that she could exploit it even today by embarrassing me in front of people whose opinions I have to care about.

IDK, I’m hoping someone here with similar experiences will know what to say to finally help me either solve this incident or just let it go. I also plan to talk to my therapist about this, but I would appreciate the perspective of people who really get it.

I was stumped what to write in a greeting card for my eDad’s milestone birthday, so I did a Google and the suggestions all made me laugh in the dysfunctional family context:

• “Cheers to 65 years of wonderful memories and a life well lived!” 
• “I love spending time with you. You have always been my hero, Dad!” 
• “Hope you can lean back and relax with your loved ones!”

Yeah, right, good luck to any of that with your rampaging banshee of a wife 😂

My honest card would read: 

You spent the majority of your life focused on work, your wife’s emotions, and distractions from the first two. Here’s to the next decade of work, your wife’s emotions, and distractions from the first two!

Proud of myself for getting to the point where I can see the humor, while feeling largely indifferent to his situation. He chose this life and keeps choosing it. After growing up idealizing him as the safer parent, seeing him as a person I need to protect and make happy because poor him stuck with such a mean wife, boohoo… working through the grief of the eParent really is a different emotional trip than working through the grief around the BPD parent. But I think I am finally getting there. 

What would your honest card read?

Just a curious question. I’m 29 and child free

I don’t want children as a result of too much trauma I’m constantly healing from, fear of repeating any behaviours of my dBPD mother, low income and the fear of my mother inflicting any sort of abuse to the baby. I am in contact and I know she would want to ‘baby sit’ but she’s evil

I see a lot of you guys are parents which I think is wonderful

I guess I’m wondering - did you always know you wanted to be a parent?

What are your feelings on your inner child?

I’d fear a part of me would be slightly envious at the childhood I never had if I’m being honest. I know I would be a very caring mother and I would want to give my baby a safe and loving environment and my inner child would long for what could have been for her

I have an extensive trauma history in my family. My brother molested me, my dad is textbook NPD, and my uBPD mother enabled all of it. We've always been extremely close and she relies on me for so much. I also really love her... but she hurts me constantly. I've been through a ton this year, more trauma on trauma, so I'm exhausted already, but I don't think I can stomach a relationship with my mom anymore. Which is kinda my worst nightmare, even though part of me has seen it coming for a long time. I'm already NC with my brother and LC with my dad, my grandparents are all dead, and I have no other family members left. This has kept me connected to my mom for longer than I probably should have been... but | lett an abusive almost-marriage about a year ago and I have needed support since then, which she's given. But it's at such a high cost. I don't feel stable enough to handle going no contact with her, I don't feel ready, but my nervous system is screaming at me that I can't do this anymore. Does anyone have advice or words of support? Have y'all moved through this process? How did you survive it?

Also, hello! First time poster here :) my kitty haiku is as follows:

Soft paws share their warmth
Purrs and fur melt winter’s chill
Kitties, we thank you

Thanks in advance to this wonderful community.

My ubpd parent had been watching my 7year old kiddo on a fairly regular basis for a couple months before I ended up going no contact with her. She had started to split on me and things had been tense with us for awhile but I was still deep in the FOG during those final months of contact.

When I was dropping my son off at hers one night he said “if you ever don’t let me come here, I’ll just walk myself”.

It immediately made me concerned that she had said something that would put that thought into his head but kids just say weird things sometimes, so I don’t know if I was overthinking it. I asked her about it and her response was “he must be picking up on vibes”. Like whose vibes?!

Obviously by proxie he is also not in contact with her anymore because that would require me facilitating that which is really difficult when I’m not speaking to her.

He understands why - as kid friendly as possible - that my mom said some really unkind things to me and has not apologized for it. Until she does apologize and makes it clear that she won’t continue saying unkind things, we won’t be seeing her as she is not an emotionally safe person to be around.

I’m curious if any of you with kids had ever experienced them saying odd things after spending one on one time with a BPD grandparent.
I’m not opposed to him having a relationship with her when he’s older and can communicate with her himself (and will have far more emotional intelligence and self worth than I did as a small child when she treated me the way she did). Any insights on this?

Cat haiku
Black cat passes by
In the darkest black of night
Now she hunts for mice

EDIT - I just want to be clear that when I say he might have contact with her when he’s older I mean as a young adult, not a child. He’ll never be around her unsupervised while he is a minor.

Mods, sorry if this isn't quite up to sub rules.

I, 29F, was raised by my mom, my stepdad, and my technically half younger brother who has high support needs autism. My stepdad, although he's the only dad I've ever known, worked out of town for weeks at a time. Leaving my undiagnosed BPD mom to raise us. I have long struggled with my heavy tendencies to be empathic and try to give grace but also my deep hurt. I also don't tend to speak very openly about what I went through to the people who know me. I was subjected to a household of violence, verbal abuse, parentification and glass child minimization, walking on eggshells even from the time of being a young kid, witnessing drugs and alcohol abuse, being underfed, being forced to be her friend, her therapist, her scapegoat. I often minimize what I went through because it just is SO much. I think people would think I'm lying if I went on and on what really happened to me. Or at least my mother made me convinced of it. I was never removed from the house despite many reports to Children's Services including of people seeing bruising on me. It kinda haunts me to this day not gonna lie.

Anyway. I just was really struggling one evening. Made this post on facebook. Got a good handful of friends offering their sympathies to me. But the first comment is the one there, made by someone who was her friend as well as eventually mine as I got older. I feel deeply hurt and betrayed. I don't believe this person has the full context of what I went through. But I was told by them once "I've been concerned for you growing up in that house." Which also begs the question, the fuck did you to protect me if you were that worried?

My biological father is completely out of the picture. I don't have any connection to him or anyone in his family. My only reference to who he was as a person comes from my mother and this person who commented this. I take their words with quite a few grains of salt.

I feel very hurt and dismissed that even after all this time, I am not believed. I wasn't believed by my therapist as a teen. I wasn't believed by children's services enough to be removed from the house despite numerous conversations with them over the years. I wasn't believed by my stepdad when I begged him to not leave me alone with her for weeks at a time anymore. And to this day, I am not believed by people who admit to having been worried about me.

My mother has been dead for 9 years now. I have made so much progress in that time. But I admit I still feel so haunted by her. I don't understand why it's just so hard for people to believe me.

Hi, I’m new to Reddit. I joined mostly so I could post in this group and because I’ve been really struggling lately with my mother. I don’t know for sure if she’s got BPD but the more I look into it, which I only started doing recently, the more I think she does.
She’s in her early 70’s now. She lives in a senior housing building, but alone in her apartment. Her father died 4 years ago. She lived with him for a long time but after he died she had to move. So now she’s living alone for the first time ever. I’m her only child. She has a lifelong driving phobia and has always needed rides everywhere to do anything and everything she needs to do.
Anyway, I mostly wanted to share a text I got from her last Tuesday.
It’s pretty tame, and short, compared to how volatile and long they can be. For a little context, I received this text on a Tuesday at 6:15pm. I had just seen her Sunday and Monday, and she saw my sons as well, so it’s not like much time went by at all. Here we go:

I can’t believe I texted that my husband and I will not be going to their house for Christmas and to not send us gifts. My heart is broken in missing something that I didn’t even want, the grief during NC has been bizarre. During NC (4 months so far), I got off of my anxiety medication and stopped having Reynaud’s flares, but I wish I didn’t have to go NC.

I was destroyed sending that text, and had already been literally sick about it for 2 weeks; I sent it, am glad that I did, am relieved that it’s done, but the grief/FOG is thick. I can’t imagine the holiday going well after 4+ months NC, but my nervous system is pretty sure I’m in mortal danger in avoiding it. I hope I don’t come to regret this choice, and that I accept the pain my parents are feeling due to my NC is not my responsibility to manage. I said that I would reach out in the new year, and I will, but for now I just have to sit with my decision and try to accept the peace.

I’ve literally never gone NC before this, never skipped a holiday (beyond actual illness), and always played my role. My pwBPD is very big with Christmas, so it feels shocking and wrong that I’m not gearing up for it. I wish I was not grieving this, but I think it was my only option.

I'm grieving my mom's continuing mental health struggles and unhealthy behaviors, and working on my new boundaries. Like Jurassic Park T-Rex level boundaries, and I'm done being the wrong side of the fence and ending up as the goat.

All of us have some trauma and grief, like those boxes you haven't dealt with in the closet or garage - maybe some yearbooks, power cords you can't use, childhood toys, and clothes from previous selves. If you're a grown up you deal with cleaning this stuff up when it becomes overwhelming by going to therapy, reading a self help book, or just doing your own work. In this cleaning analogy, that would be hiring an organizer, buying some shelving and boxes, or having a garage sale. For most people, this works because they don't want to keep the trauma trash and grief clutter.

But a person with BPD is a trauma and grief HOARDER. They don't want to change, they want validation their trash has value. Their past matters more than being able to move forward. If they hired Marie Kondo, every bad thing that happened to them would bring them validation. They want a therapist to help them add a value to their trauma trash like Antiques Roadshow. They wear their trama trash like the Junk Lady from the Labyrinth, and try to turn us into trash people too, so we forget and stay stuck in our past.

The hope for us RBB is to be strong enough to walk away, to take the experience we have with them and do the work to heal and get rid of that stuff, and to realize they have no power over us.

EDIT: And thanks to the OOP and all the comments on the post about lack success stories for their pwBPD: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/s/e576P4EaY9 I drafted this post as a response there, but felt like it was too long and was hijacking the thread.

Additional edits for a few typos.

This year was the first time I really stood up for myself against my mother(pwBPD). Since then, to no one's surprise, there have been a multitude of crises that have somehow ended with her needing either me or my brother to step in.

I guess what I'm looking for here is a reality check.

My mom lives about 5-6 hours away and recently had a pretty serious medical scare. After six months of low/no contact, she's now asking my brother or me to come stay with her and drive her to appointments that are about two hours away from her house.

And I'm really struggling with what to do.

This is the same woman who told me I was possessed by an "oppressive spirit" because I was being mean to her (aka standing up for myself). The same woman who accused me of being drunk on easter ( she's a devout evangelical, so this was a pretty awful accusation coming from her).

I feel like I've barely started to get my footing with holding boundaries or even knowing what to do. and now there's another crisis that I'm supposed to drop everything for.

And the thing is, I do love her. I don't want her to be sick or scared or alone. I know this medical could potentially be serious, and I feel awful about the idea of not going. But I also feel like going would mean putting myself right back into a situation that I've worked really hard to get out of. I lived with her for years caring for my grandparents ( her parents) with their dementia and I can't go back to that place.

I am VLC with my uBPD Mom and eDad. Recently had a kid so of course Mom is obsessed with my baby. They drove thousands of kilometers to visit us, and upon arrival uBPD Mom gets out and demands to hold her grandchild.

The kid was contact napping on me when I went out to greet them. I thought, "Well this could be interesting..." handed her my kid, and the kid went absolutely ballistic. Full on screaming and crying. I took the kid back and uBPD Mom proceeded to sulk for the rest of the evening in the corner. I honestly thought it was hilarious in a dark, funny, you can't make this shit up kind of way. In some ways it even made me feel like I'm already a better parent and the kid is only a few months old.

Like what kind of wonderful mothering does she think that she’s going to give me now? And I mean let’s be honest, she is fully meeting my expectations. 🙄 Currently VLC and totally exhausted with my current schedule and life situation, because I am busy being a parent and working full time with a kid in middle school. Of course I don’t see my therapist for a few more weeks, so I am just dumping this here.