Just got home from yet another shitty first date. This time with an ENM woman, married to a man, who decided to volunteer that she & her husband were planning to sleep with a woman this weekend. Mind you, on said date, I confessed to her that I nearly cancelled because of a poor experience I recently had with another ENM woman (who bragged to me about the other women she was sleeping with, totally unprompted). I also told this woman that I was going to be traveling this weekend, thus I wanted to meet her before I left and this is the thanks I get. Both of these ‘queer’ ENM women are older than me/mid-30s.

I don’t understand why some women are so cruel. I don’t think I said or did anything remotely offensive to them. I only communicated my interest and get shit on in return.

Anyway, the Pokémon card I got from the kind stranger who saw me quietly sobbing at the bar is a Palkia. I think it’s holographic.

Y'all! I'm at a conference for work and the photographer is so so beautiful. She caught me looking her way a few times, and came and said hello at the end of the day. Not a ton of POC here, much less black women, so it was nice to chat. She said something like "I'm not gonna eat you" in response to me saying I wanted to say hello earlier, and I know my face made a face. It is so difficult for me to gauge if a woman is signaling me or not, and I've gotten it wrong too many times to be more obvious or blunt with my prodding. Sigh. How will I know? Got me over here singing Whitney in-between sessions. Woof. Thanks for reading.

Do y'all actually meet people in person spontaneously? Like romantic partners? I have only ever met friends in person and through apps. I have had only 3 legitimate romantic connections through an app and that's only because 2 of them was a couple. I ruined that relationship because of insecurity. Unfortunately I miss them a lot too. The other is more recent, love him to pieces.

To the point, I'm pansexual and non-monogamous, i do my best to go to events, mainly queer ones. I do my best to make sure I look presentable. I also still mask in public but I've heard people say they don't even look at people who mask, one reason I've heard is people assume you aren't looking for anything. I'm trying to make sure I pursue relationships with intention. I've always wanted to live on my own first, no roommates either, but I have had to accept that not being a possibility anymore. I desperately want to find a romantic partnership but when I go to events but the majority of the time, i feel like I don't even exist in the rooms I'm in. I get maybe a handful of compliments on my outfits but that's the extent of that. I myself don't get called attractive in actual life. I don't feel comfortable approaching people for various reasons.

I feel like I'm on a clock, there are only so many options I have as a kind of strange fat Black person. I fear that people look at me as something that isn't worth building a life with. Just another person to sift through.

I have this friend of almost 8 years, we would meet every few months and not text much in between, we never were very close or had deep connection but we do share private stories of our dating lives. She’s straight and very male-centered (also has attention seeking behaviors) which is off putting for me and lead me to feel like cutting contact with cause it’s very different from my values but whenever I think about those things I tell myself I should accept people for who they are plus I don’t have many friends and especially in the past couple of years lost most friendships and I need to have someone to hangout with once in a while (I know I sound pathetic and bad but loneliness is a bitch!) but for the past few months I’ve been thinking about my values a lot and how I need people to have same core values as me, we do share some values that are insignificant or other that are significant but I discover that are not coming from the same place (one example is the use of AI, she only cares about it because it’s stealing her job but she does use it for other things and even for short cuts in her job. She doesn’t care about the environmental impact nor the societal, moral etc and I found myself judging her hard on that.)
Anyway as I mentioned I lost many friendships in the past couple of years so been feeling very lonely and needing deeper connections (which she’s incapable of) and almost two weeks ago I was telling her about a love interest of mine that I’ve been struggling with due to impossibility of being together and that we’re having a phone call to talk about it and how nervous I was etc. she would dismiss it with a one word answer and change the subject but a few days after I had the call with said love interest, she texted to ask how it went, I sent her a voice note which she found very long and didn’t respond or even tell me she’ll reply later (mind you she’s 24/7 on her phone and she’s always texting different men that are LITERAL strangers sliding into her dms) a day later I deleted the voice note cause I decided to cut contact with the love interest and there was no meaning to listen to the voice note anymore and when she asked me about it I told her that I’m cutting contact and we had a tiny conversation about it before she disappeared till the next day when she asked me if I sent the message and how I’m feeling, I told her that I did send it and I’m feeling shitty. She did not respond! It’s been more than a week and she uploaded several instagram stories since and I’m very upset about it and disappointed in myself cause I’m sad about something that’s very obvious her natural behavior yet I expected more. I would’ve been okay with at least acknowledging my pain and that’s it!
At this point I’m certain I should stop being friends with her but I’m afraid that in a month or two she would hit me up to hang out and I would say yes cause I’m lonely and desperate for friendships :((

I know I'm not pretty, intelligent, outgoing, or have much respect for myself, but I try to be a kind person. Why is that never enough? I give advice, I try to help others, I listen to people's hardships, and I expect nothing in return. Although I do wish to be chosen one day, I know I won't be.

What is so wrong with me that I'm always left out?

I'm the pit stop people make before they decide to heal with another person. What is wrong with me? I'm not disingenuous. Everything I do has pure intentions behind it, and I do my best to put on a brave face. Still, people always choose the prettiest person in the room, and it makes me feel embarrassed for putting myself out there.

Worst of all? A lot of people the same race as me (Black) don't seem to be attracted to me. To be fair, no one is, no matter the racial identity, but I noticed I'm not the kind of Black woman people place on a pedestal.

I'm here. I've always been here. Yet no one wants me. I meet someone; they claim to want me, but they're being dishonest and use me for sexual gratification.
"She has no other options."
"I'll settle for her because she's right here."
"She's cute, I guess."
"I don't have to worry about her cheating on me."
"She's insecure. I was only trying to help her."
That's tame compared to the more explicit and aggressive statements I've heard about myself.

Why do I have to be treated this way? I'm sensitive, but I'm not allowed to be. I'm emotional, but apparently it looks aggressive on me. I'm neurodivergent, but apparently I'm too weird. I stand up for myself against those who hurt me, but apparently I'm seen as romantic competition.

Why can everyone else do the things I can without scrutiny?
Why is everyone else's womanhood not questioned?
Why are other women allowed to be feminine, but my femininity is laughed at?
Why are some people shown off publicly, but I'm the person they'd rather hide?

Nobody chooses me.

Trying to boost my confidence just a little even if you say something mean though I'mma still take it as a compliment it's taking me years to get to this. Happy with how I look happy with my personality and proud of the healing that I've done.

Greetings! I’ll be taking a trip to Shinjuku and surrounding areas from Oct 26-Nov 1. It would be great to connect with someone that is familiar with the area (or not, open to other solo travelers). About me, I’m a proud black masculine presenting woman in my early 40s that can come off as a bit intimidating to some, especially abroad. All of which makes me a bit nervous to simply travel the whole time alone. Any thoughts, tips or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

Tell me how you're spending your day!

does anyone in london wanna come with me to the heaven club?😭😭 I would like to meet some ppl there.. I've been there before but going there alone seems so scary and intimidating. pls dm me if you're interested

Hey hey! I (30F) am in a 4-year long relationship with my NB partner. I’m looking to so spice up our dirty talk, but I’m always trying to be conscious to avoid causing dysmorphia for my partner in the heat of the moment.

I want to use teasing words that are analogous to words like “pillow princess.” I, also, wanna help them feel sexy in their body without directly addressing genitalia. So if you have some great compliments about arms, stomachs, hands, thighs, etc. I’d really appreciate it.

i’m just curious. after how many dates or how much time together do you decide that you’re in a relationship or start calling each other your girlfriend? i went on a date yesterday and i’m kinda ready to cuff LMAO

Hi, I’m back again 🤓 really love that I found this group, I love filling yall in like a weekly newsletter!

Now this is more of a topic and story time in one because I like conversation and want to hear thoughts. Before I dive into the story time, I saw a post recently on twitter about this lesbian being so annoyed with lesbians because she wants to hookup and fuck, but feels like it’s against the “lesbian way” and other lesbians will look at her funny or are off-put by her because she wants to just fuck and horny like any other normal human being. I’m not lesbian, so I’m not going to speak too much on that. Anyways, she decided to be bold and ask lesbians if they’d like to hook up on twitter to dm her. She got dms from girls seeming like they want to fuck, but then they act completely oblivious like she never made her intentions clear. Making her out to be some type of predator or whatever. Really weird.

And as a bi, recently turned bi sapphic and a baby sapphic at that I’m really conscious about that too. As you all know I went on my first date recently and it went horribly (if you didn’t see that post, look in my posts to read it, it’s very entertaining). And while I am very determined to date and love women, I am in HEAT. Like alllllll the time. I went abstinent after my last sexcapade in 2022 and this year it’s hitting me super hard. Like I def can’t go another year. I refuse to! I’m like that meme of Samantha from SATC “Dammit, I just really want to be fucked. Just really fucked” 😭 Also, I’m a freelancer right now so income isn’t stable, so to be full on intentional and committed wouldn’t make sense unless I was dating a natural provider who likes taking on that role. Cus I can be a hopeless romantic no matter how much money is in the bank, that’s just me to my core! Anywho, I decided to come out when I’m at my HORNIEST and because I’m so new I just don’t want to come off like I’m just trying to “experiment” or I’m just trying to fuck on women either. Maybe I just feel that way because I’m bisexual. Like if I was lesbian, I don’t think I’d feel that way. Because people are always policing bi women and so I kind of catch myself trying to be a “cookie cutter bisexual” now that I’m on my sapphic journey. It’s so stupid, pick me, and cringe I know pls don’t tell me lol. I’m controlling it okay. But it’s so funny cus I’ve been holding out having sex with men and wanting the man to be a certain way just for me to be completely uninterested from men altogether. Now if a woman I liked wanted to have sex on the first date I’d be OVERLY going. I’d be so scared when I eventually do have sex again just because it’s been so long and with a girl, but I’ll get over it 😆 Anywho I’m rambling now 😴

~ Okay on to the story time portion that’s related to this topic. Feel free to skip this if you’d like or be nosy if you must 😌 ~

So while I was talking to that one girl I went on a date with, I also had three other girls on my line who weren’t looking for anything serious. The girl I went on a date with knew I was talking to other women, we were very open with each other and she didn’t care. Two of them were just looking for a makeout buddy and the other one wanted a casual fuck buddy. The two kiss buddies made plans to meet me, but then randomly ghosted me. However, the third one was the one I was (this is past tense for a reason, I’ll get to that in a bit) interested in the most though, mainly because she considered herself a dom femme. I do prefer someone masculine or in the middle, but a dom femme would be within that mount rushmore for me. I just couldn’t do another sub like me. I’m into dominance and assertiveness, and tbh she was not like that at all in conversation. Very passive if anything. I felt more assertive than her actually. Like those first couple days we talked about our kinks and stuff then after that we moved into regular conversation. Which is fine, but it’s like why are we not flirting and bantering more? So I brought that up to her and she said she didn’t wanna come off disrespectful or weird. Which I get, like someone being overly lustful can be a turn-off, but a little here and there doesn’t hurt. Especially like I said we established this would be casual. So, I’m like girl please don’t be scared to be sexual towards me. It’s what I’d prefer actually, just so I also know you actually still want to have sex with me lol. But ngl, I don’t think flirting is her forte 😆 she attempted and it wasn’t giving. I’m no pimp daddy flirty either, but I think could make someone laugh their panties off. I’m good at banter, I thrive at it actually. And idk the flirting just didn’t do anything for me okay sue me!

Also, we haven’t met each other. Idk how fast sapphics usually move online, but personally if I’m not seeing you within the week, I’m kinda over it 🤷🏾‍♀️* unless I re*ally enjoy you I’ll give you two weeks TOPS. She mentioned wanting to see resident evil and I’m like I saw it, but don’t mind seeing it again with you so lmk and we can go and then she was like cool. Second week comes and she goes missing, but she said her phone was tweaking and a new one was on the way later that week, so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and she does texts me later that week when her phone comes. So, I’m like okay maybe we can finally make something shake in person. I decided to get bold and sent her a very spicy tweet of what I’d want her to do to me and she’s like I want to do that with you so badly but I’m so busy working. Mind you, it’s not like she works everyday. She has a regular 9-5 and has the weekends off. And I hate looking thirsty, I mentioned lmk about the movies twice within that week and she’s like ofc, i don’t intend for us to be penpals. But now it’s two weeks, technically one and a half because of her phone issues. And im not going to try to invite myself out with her again cus that would just look overly thirsty in my opinion. But I did say it would be nice if she made some time to eventually see me because of all the catfishes on these apps. She’s like nah that’s crazy you think I’d be a catfish… is it? Cus tell me why I asked her for pics, not even anything nude. Just to see more pics of her. She only had 3 pics of her on the app and I had several. However, if she sent a photo of her boobs I wouldn’t be mad either lmao! Anyways, she circles it back to me and asks me for pics, but I’m like unh unh I asked first. I also brought up kinks again within that same convo and she completely deflects from pics and we start talking about kinks. I turn the conversation back to pics again after a couple hours and she’s like don’t worry I will after “my meeting”. So, then I respond back asking if she could send bicep pics since she’s always at the gym and would love to see the progress of all this weight lifting she’s supposedly doing. That girl never got back to me 💀 so now I’m convinced she’s a catfish. Mind you she sent me voice notes, but that doesn’t mean anything. Like yes you’re a girl, but are you THE girl in the pics? We will never know and now I’m back to ground zero. I’m going to my first sapphic event for Halloween. Which I’m excited about, like maybe I just need to be in person idk.

But that’s the end of my yap, if you read all this you’re the best! It’s a good thing they don’t have voicenotes on here cus this would be a podcast. Stay tuned for other adventures to come 🤸🏾

I’m Egyptian bi sapphic 28F. I was born in a Coptic Christian household but am now atheist. I can normally be found in a cafe in my free time either drawing or reading. I’m a huge nerd as well and am big into fandom culture. I’d be down to share fanart and discuss fanfiction! I also love horror and would be down to discuss horror movies and games. Speaking of games, I’m a gamer myself and if you’re interested, it would be nice to have someone to play with. Please DM me if you’re interested! 💜

I noticed this pattern where I feel like I can't connect with other women. Like there's this weird energy and I noticed women don't go out of their way to befriend me. Not that's it's they're responsibility or that I'm entitled to it, but women don't seem to get comfortable with me or they're very gaurded or dominating me. I feel like I can't have a stable, lively, and healthy interaction with another woman. I don't know if it's me or if I'm just unlikeable. I'm not see as queer/lesbian by others either.

I’m a 23-year-old bisexual woman who recently met a girl at a tailgate. We talked for around 20–30 minutes, and the conversation felt really natural. She complimented my charisma, seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, and even wanted to keep talking when her friends were ready to leave, saying something like, “But we’re bonding!”
I felt like we had a lot in common and that she understood me well. I initiated exchanging numbers, she initiated exchanging Instagram, and she eventually texted me first. We later met for coffee.
During coffee, she told me she was dating a guy she’d previously rejected twice. I was heartbroken because I’d developed feelings for her, and I ended up crying in front of her. She acknowledged my feelings and responded with understanding. I appreciated how emotionally mature she was about the situation.
Afterward, I sent her a respectful thank-you text, explaining that I’d try to be understanding. It’s been several hours, and she hasn’t responded, even though she used to reply quickly when we first started talking. She’s still following me on Instagram.
I’m disappointed because I genuinely liked her and felt that we connected well. I respect that she’s dating someone, and I’m not expecting anything romantic from her. I just feel vulnerable after being honest about my feelings, and I’m unsure how to navigate things from here.
For those who’ve experienced something similar, how did you handle the uncertainty after revealing feelings for someone who was unavailable?

I am newly single. I was on the receiving end of a breakup recently, which was a first for me. This is a level of pain & suffering I have never experienced.

In the past when things fell through with a partner, I would take to the apps and find a new muse to ease the pain of the dissolution of the old connection within a few weeks.

While casual dating and sex was always fun, I don’t want to do that this time around. I want to take my time to heal and repair before stepping back on the dating sex or pursuing any form of romantic/sexual connection. Furthermore, I hope to find a wife in the future, which will require me to be more discerning & intentional with my connections

I am currently receiving weekly therapy. I have no intentions on downloading any dating apps. However, I know there will come a time where I desire intimate & physical connection with a woman.

So my question is to my fellow single allosexuals, how do you practice sexual discipline?

As a BIPOC queer, this project is close to my heart so I can show mini me from a decade ago that it does get better and more loving.

Helloo again, anyone know of any good Halloween clubbing events happening? With a mostly afrobeats music policy please and thanks!

Event doesn’t have to be queer, I appreciate all suggestions thanks!

Hello~ I’m curious to know if anyone here is in a labor blue collar union? Would love to talk about our shared experiences as women of color, as it can differ greatly from white women (white women are the only other non-men in my environment at the moment).

Hey everyone!

So ​I’ve been feeling super isolated about this lately and wanted to see if anyone else relates. I realized I literally don’t have a single queer woman friend in my life and it’s honestly starting to feel really lonely. It just gets exhausting trying to navigate things on your own when you don't have people around who genuinely get it.

​I’m bisexual myself, and I’d love to meet some new queer women to just... chat with, talk about life, share interests (I’m into tech, reading, binge-watching shows, and way too many random stuff) and build a real low-pressure friendship.

​If you're also looking for a cool internet friend to swap memes with vent to or just talk about random stuff feel free to drop a comment or slide into my DMs!!

I’ve made a few posts on here already and if you’ve been keeping up with it, you kinda got a gist of my sapphic journey so far. Well, I finally went on a date with a girl this Saturday. We talked the same week and she asked me out that same week, which I love. I’m not a person who likes to wait weeks to see someone. If I’m talking to you on Monday, I should be seeing you by Saturday/Sunday imo. We had amazing banter, I mean AMAZING banter. Like giggling and screaming at my phone every night until the date happens. So, clearly I’m very excited.

Day of date happens and she hits me up early in the morning to let me know she was unbelievably nervous bc this is her first time having a full-time job in a while (she started her job same week we talked) and didn’t wanna feel like a bum and lets me know she cant take me anywhere too expensive. I told her that’s totally fine, I don’t really expect first dates to be expensive anyways and who doesn’t love a cute hole in the wall. Anyways after that conversation she seemed much better and says she wants to take to a Thai spot then pier after. Cool.

Nighttime comes, she’s supposed to pick me up around 730. It’s 6:35 and she says she spilled juice on her pants and has to buy new ones (all her shit is storage), but should be there no later than 7:45. I said great. 7:30 comes and she screenshots the traffic that’s on the road so now she’s not gonna be where I’m at until 8:12. I’m like that’s fine, simply because I kept changing my top at this point 😆 literally changed my top like 20 times cus I was also very anxious this my first time going out with a girl.

8:12 comes and we finally meet. I get in the car that has a hint of weed smell(which I’ll bring up again soon) and there’s roses sitting on the dashboard. I bought her bottle of inexpensive wine to celebrate her new job. We exchange gifts awkwardly, but I didn’t think much of it cus it’s common for first intro to a person to be awkward. Anyways, I get a good look at her and I’m noticing already that she doesn’t look like the girl in the photos. She’s not necessarily bad looking, but she isn’t the girl I was attracted to in the photos. So, maybe her job situation was more severe than I thought bc she was also in a crewneck and sweatpants. Mind you, we aren’t going anywhere fancy, but sweatpants is crazy 😭 I had on a simple top, jean, and boot. Nothing special. But I guess sweatpants is all she could find at that hour, okay.

On our ride to the restaurant she asks me how my day was and I said I was anxious most of the day and she mentions how she was nervous too and smoked like 4 blunts before seeing me. Now, I’m no smoker and I don’t have a problem dating someone that smokes, but I had no idea she was putting down 4+ blunts in a day. Mind you, before I got in the car and we were texting she asks me if she could smoke while we are at the pier and I was like it’s fine as long as it’s outside and you don’t hotbox me in the car. Didn’t know that would then be her 5th blunt 😭 like omg this girl is a chimney. Now, she could’ve just smoked 4 because she was extremely nervous I’m not sure, but I did know she smokes just not to that extent. That’s not even the worse part though, she’s an open book and loves to yap like me. Not sure how we got this topic, but she mentions on “future dates” she can’t take me over any tolls bc she’s afraid the cameras are going to catch her. And I’m like what do you mean? She’s already regretting opening her mouth at this point, but she tells me anyway. In short, she has fines on her car and missed her court dates multiple times to pay it off so she’s afraid to be anywhere with flock cameras and such. By this time I’m already completely turned off from her, which is so crazy how you could be kiki’ing and blushing with someone one second and it be a whole 180.

Anyways, we get to the restaurant and it’s packed to the brim and people outside are lashing out because they have reservations and haven’t been seating with their reservations. I suggest a ramen spot nearby bc I am not waiting for god who knows how long to get seated. So, we dip and head to the next spot. You’re probably thinking at this point, why not just tell her you want to cut the date short? You’re right, but I didn’t think about that. I wanted to still see this through for some reason 😭 anyways, we get back to her car which is lit up by light now, so I can get a real good look at it. There’s bird poop all over the front of her car and there’s a sauce cup and what looks like weed shavings on the floor. A mess.

We get to the next spot 10 minutes later and she parks in a no parking spot and says fuck it. Which was ironic to me considering how she’s “on the run”, but just willingly put herself in that predicament if something did happen. We get in the restaurant and I can tell she’s slowly getting high asf. I’m assuming she took something right before she got to me. But I can just tell in her mannerisms, they were just slightly different than before. Laughing at random things and the way she was reading off the menu, my girl was high. Also, noticing as she’s reading off the menu her nails are BLACK. Literally just one things after another with this girl. She then mentions to me I’m quieter than usual and it’s because I’m uncomfortable. Didn’t really know what to do in a situation like that and I tell her yeah I just feel kind of awkward. She’s like yeah I’m just super awkward and nervous too, I’ll just get the check. So, she gets the check and when it’s time to go she almost trips on herself getting up from the seat. She’s so embarrassed she walks ahead of me and I try to walk fast behind her, but she’s like damn near a whole foot taller than me so I could only do so much lol.

We relax a little bit so she can get her bearings, but she’s a functional high so we ended up leaving a few minutes later and I asked if I’m going home now and she says no we still have to go to the pier. And I’m just like begging for this night to end at this point. But we didn’t stay at that pier for long because I wanted to go home and she was like fine. So, after like maybe 10 minutes at the pier she drives me home. This time she gets out her car to say goodbye and I give her a side church hug goodbye. I wake up today with no texts from her, which I just took that as a sign she knew she fucked up. I didn’t even bother texting her, but I feel kind of bad not saying anything at all. At least to let her know where things went wrong for me, but I just blocked her instead. Which makes me so sad cus that virtual connection was so good, it just really sucks it had to be like that in person.

And then I had a dream that I see her two years later at a bar and she’s looking like the girl in the pictures with her ducks in a row and comes up to me begging to redeem herself so badly from that first night. And I let her 😆 anyways, if you read any or all of this you’re a hoot!

PS: yes my first date was bad, but it’s not deterring me from dating women. My first date with a man wasn’t even good. Things just happen, I’m still out on the prowl 🤸🏾

I hung out with someone a while ago, and afterwards, they basically ghosted me. They stopped replying to my messages, so I assumed they weren’t interested and left it at that.

But since then, they’ve regularly liked my Instagram stories, and sometimes they’ll even reply to a story, ask me a question, or start a conversation. I’ll respond, but then they’ll just leave me on read or not reply at all.

I’m honestly confused by this. If they don’t want to talk to me, why keep initiating these little interactions? I wouldn’t think too much of a few likes, but the fact that they sometimes actively reach out and ask me things, only to disappear again, feels contradictory.

I’ve experienced similar situations in past relationships, too, so I think that’s partly why this is bothering me. It feels like a pattern I’ve encountered before, and I’m struggling to understand what to make of it.

istg people are so fake. I hung out with someone & she was saying how she's excited to hang out with me again and she even offered to buy me a blender & teach me how to cook our cultural dishes. she blocked me the next day?? I honestly realised a week after.

what is actually wrong with people?? if u dont like someone why are you acting fake to their face i honestly hate people like you. btw she was 1h late and during that hour I went to another city just to go to miniso & made it back in time when she arrived.

it's not just that but this hatred is spilling into my dating life. because I was bullied my whole life (grew up african in germany) I had noone in highschool and if I did they'd make fun of my race till this day even tho I'm 20 this will never end I'm honestly considering suicide bc why am I still experiencing racism & discrimination.

I never get picked & I'm always replaced same thing in friendships. this is why I hate having crushes and even the idea of it disgusts me

I've never had a best friend and I don't think I ever will because in this city called London everyone is so cliquey with eachother.

I'm honestly just going to isolate myself