I’m in my late 20s, and I’ve noticed that I think about my own death quite often. Whenever I see news about someone dying or watch a movie where someone dies, I start wondering how I’m going to die.

Will I grow old, get sick, and die peacefully? Or will I die suddenly in a car accident, fall from somewhere, or experience something brutal and unexpected?

What gets to me is that the people who die unexpectedly probably never saw it coming either. They had plans, routines, and things they wanted to do. They were just living their lives, and then suddenly, everything ended.

I start wondering when it will be my turn and how it will happen. I know there’s no way to predict it, but I find myself thinking about these possibilities and feeling anxious about the uncertainty.

I’m curious whether anyone else with OCPD experiences this. Is it the uncertainty of not knowing when or how it will happen that bothers you, or is it more about the fear of death itself?

I’d like to hear about other people’s experiences and how they deal with these thoughts.

I recently went to a very remote country with a friend for essentially a bit of an adventure. We were far from towns, shops etc and immersed in beautiful scenery, nature etc. The travelling was done in a very basic, almost backpacking way. We had a different host each night with adequate, but again very simple accommodation. The food was challenging for me at times but it was all that there was on offer and I enjoyed the challenge.

I was out of my comfort zone - in the best possible way. It was less of a holiday and more of an endurance test at times, but in the best way.

I found my symptoms relaxed because I was focused on the actual basic necessities. I have come home feeling wiser and more self aware. I had lots of time to ask questions of myself, my behaviour, patterns etc etc whilst away.. and I had the answers.

I have come home and made some immediate positive changes to the way I work, manage my diary and use my phone. This is exciting for me and I wanted to share that perhaps a trip like this - taking yourself away from your day to day reality - might help reframe things for others. Perhaps it’s even just a camping weekend or something simpler, but the principle could be the same.

Wanted to share as feeling positive and hoping to spread it about.

Hi all,

I'm (35M) new to the world of OCPD after some recent conversation with a new counselor who asked me if I had heard of OCPD (I hadn't). After spending some time online reading about the overlaps between OCPD, OCD, and Autism, I'm seeing some areas in each category which I resonate with and OCPD seems a lot more likely. We had a session yesterday where we talked more about the formal diagnosis process.

I was wondering if anyone here could share a little bit about their journey before diagnosis, through the process, and after diagnosis. Thanks in advance!

OCPD is ego-syntactic. Technically the actions in ocpd actually kind of are not distress causing. I was diagnosed in a bad time (i was going through quite severe depression). But when I was diagnosed and even now sometimes I wonder — why is this actually a disorder? I understand the rigidity is a bad thing. But shouldn't everyone try to adhere to rules and morals and values? Shouldn't everyone strive for perfection in the things they do?

I have a very strong feeling that if I wasn't depressed (and even while I am depressed) I feel like it's actually a good thing that I have ocpd. There is this innate confidence in my skills and hardwork and the empirical evidence helps too.

So I wonder are there people out here who are sort of winning at OCPD lol (I am still working on everything is not a competition I need to win, haha) ? And sort of enjoying the positive effects of OCPD and are in balance with it?

I'm diagnosed with OCPD and have undiagnosed ADHD. During school and early college days I used to help my friends study and everyone asks doubts which I'll clear after working out myself through trial and error etc. So since we overanalyse stuff with too much what ifs, do we possess the ability to teach well than others once we understand the subject on what we are about to educate them? Also is there any research on this and us being good thinkers and philosophers, if yes then are there any noteworthy historical figures who share our traits/diagnosis. Because in normal everyday situations I get criticism for overcomplicating or overexplaining stuff but when I used to teach/educate my peers they easily grasp the points and rely on me rather than my teachers and lecturers. I recently started learning philosophy, communism etc it's tough to process but I guess if I get through this I can educate and debate people well. So this question was raised inside me out of curiosity. TIA

Dr. John Oldham is a psychiatrist who served as chair of The Department of Psychiatry at the Menninger Clinic, one of the best psychiatric hospitals in the U.S. He served on an advisory committee to revise the personality disorder diagnostic criteria for the DSM III and DSM IV.

Dr. Oldham has published more than 200 journal articles. He developed a structured interview guide for diagnosing PDs, the Personality Disorder Examination (PDE). He wrote The New Personality Self-Portrait (1995, 2nd ed.) with Lois Morris. Quotations are from the first edition.

The book describes 13 personality styles, and how they impact relationships, work, self-image, emotional coping, and sense of reality. “The thirteen personality styles that we identify are the common, utterly human, nonpathological versions” of personality disorders, the “extremes of normal human patterns” (5). Each chapter ends with information about a personality disorder.

Dr. Oldham has a dimensional view of personality disorders. He believes that personality traits that are relevant to personality disorders lie on a continuum from healthy to pathological, and that personality disorders are maladaptive extremes of the personality traits all humans share. 

The DSM has a categorical view of personality disorders--the belief that people with PDs are distinct from people without PDs and that each PD is distinct from other PDs. “In practical use, however, very few people can be so neatly categorized…The majority of people who meet the diagnostic criteria for one personality disorder also meet the criteria for at least one other disorder. Many mental health professionals see this ‘diagnostic overlap’ as a major weakness” of the DSM (397). In other words, it’s so common for people to have more than one PD diagnosis, some providers think that the categories are meaningless.

PERSONALITY STYLE ASSESSMENT

Dr. Oldham created a survey. It's in his book and it's available online: The New Personality Self-Portrait. It is not a PD assessment; it’s used to identify personality styles. If you have an extreme version of a certain style, it is possible you have the PD that relates to it.

NEUROPLASTICITY

Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections in response to learning or experience or following an injury. Neuroplasticity Explained (3 minute video)

Dr. Oldman states, “Your Personality Self-Portrait is not etched in stone…[take the] Personality Self-Portrait [assessment] again from time to time. Track how your personality ‘breathes,’ grows, changes, and in every way keeps up with the path that you have taken in your life.” (55)

He asserts that “the brain remains adaptable throughout the aging process, capable of reacting with the environment to form new connections among brain cells and to alter old ones. Indeed, according to the neuroscientists, the potential ability of brain cells to adapt and to change may never deteriorate throughout your entire life cycle.” (369)

I’ve been finding it really difficult to make new friends. Almost all my friends are people I’ve known since school. Over the years, I’ve met so many good people, but somehow, I never end up choosing them as friends or developing a close friendship with them. For a long time, I wondered why I seemed to struggle with this when other people around me were making new friends so easily.

Recently, I started wondering whether my OCPD might have something to do with it. Maybe I’m unconsciously looking for the perfect person to be friends with someone who meets my expectations of what a friend should be. But real people don’t work that way. Everyone has their own flaws, differences, and imperfections, and no one is going to fit all our expectations. Maybe, in looking for the right people, I’m overlooking the possibility of building meaningful friendships with imperfect people.

I’m curious to hear from others with OCPD.

Hello! I need some studying tips that work for you. I have problems with starting tasks and staying focused, don't really know if it's because of ocpd or not, but I need tips or tricks that have helped you. I utilise tts to familiarize myself with the content I will be learning but memorizing is so time consuming and really puts me off studying. If you have any weird tips or tricks I would be very grateful. Thank you in advance!

I'm 23M, diagnosed with OCPD, Dysthymia, undiagnosed ADHD. I wear glasses 24/7 for myopia. I have serious data hoarding problems too. Always needs accurate guidelines for me to work or do something, even if the instructions are slightly vague or dense (this happens when the instructor/author considers me to know what they're talking about) I'll get stuck, I can't start a thing with halfbaked knowledge due to fear of wasting time learning the thing in wrong method (it keeps getting complicated)

My problem is I get headaches and can't continue reading and it persists for a long time hindering my reading process. I didn't have trouble reading for exams in school because I knew it won't be useful for my life (dumb me) so I read without stress, score good marks and forget it within a week or two. But now I'm interested in communism, history and philosophy and since these things are going to be important in my life I get stressed while reading them.

I can give you an example. If I need to start reading marx I first need to understand the time period Marx lived in, people he adored, he despised, the reasons, his contemporaries, the period before him, about capitalism, it's origins and it's predecessor and almost every term that I'm about to learn while reading marx' works. It's like I need to be treated like a 5 year old and need to get infodumped. If I get enough info I'll get no headaches but If I'm left with unanswered questions I'll go into rabbit holes searching about these contexts and infos and get headache getting unnecessary answers, thus more headache and 0 progress in reading

Even while reading fictions like Metamorphosis, I stopped the book halfway confusing in which room the 3 gentlemen are and like wonder how many rooms are even there in gregor's house, sudden change in his sister's mood etc and stop the book. I don't know why it happens but it makes me pathetic and helpless and even tired so I wont touch the book again... even a simple book like metamorphosis does this. (I consider this will be helpful for me in my life as I write in future so I kinda get stressed If I move past a paragraph without understanding it completely)

I got my OCPD diagnosis last year when I just turned 21 so obviously im still learning a lot about myself and my diagnosis and I've noticed something kind of annoying and hypocritical that may be common with other people with this diagnosis.

My OCPD specifically places a lot of emphasis on becoming a better person in any aspect imaginable. Whether its physical health, intelligence, a skill or a hobby I generally think that people should be working on bettering themselves and stagnation is something I have found that I truly cannot stand in other people. I place a lot of effort on trying to understand other people's perspectives and how just because they don't do the things I think they should or the way that I think they should do them it doesn't mean they're necessarily doing anything wrong to anybody except me.

My best friend that I live with is one of those people that truly cannot care about bettering himself and his circumstances in any way. He's paying his bills? He'll work the dead end job he has for the rest of his life. He doesn't have any health problems? He'll never go to a doctor even if it's just for a check up. I care about the guy but I've slowly lost the ability to keep trying to care and help him with whatever he has going on and it sucks. I've tried telling him that seeing him not have any ambition or drive to change his circumstances in any way is like seeing someone driving a car without ever using their turn signal and I cant help but be annoyed at the least.

Just wondering if my reaction is unique to me or if anybody has any experience dealing with a similar conflict/ issue.

I’m feeling quite desperate.

I recently was re-diagnosed as OCPD. This is such a breakthrough for me and makes so much more sense than my BPD/OCD diagnosis.

My relationship is on the rocks. I still very much love him, but since we’ve lived together this past year, I have lost a lot of respect for him.

He’s not very clean. This is huge for me. And there’s a long explanation on why I didn’t have an indicator of this before, so just take my word on it.

It’s very important for me to have order and cleanliness in my life. I was raised in a rigid environment and this is all I have ever known.

I wish I could say right now that I’m willing to lighten up more. I have, but not much. I’m still very set (admittedly) that it makes more sense for him to do more around the house than for me to do less.

I don’t ask much. I’ve gladly taken accountability for 80% of the household tasks, but all I ask is that he cleans up after himself. Just his messes.

I don’t mind sweeping, mopping, toilets, dusting, etc.

This has been a huge area of contention for us. In fact, because of this, I have pulled away. This has caused him to pull away even more, and thus we have a cycle.

How do I explain to him that this is important for my mental health? I’m not trying to be controlling. I want control over my environment. I recognize how the two can blend.

I’ve definitely made changes and lightened up on certain things, but I’m not trying to make this post so long.

I wish he could just see that if he did more than I would be so entirely grateful and feel like I had a teammate. My mental health would improve and I would see something like that as extremely attractive and comforting.

I have bipolar disorder as well, so I’ve been in a terrible loop of depression and mania as a result of this (plus being laid off from my high paying job and gaining weight)

He’s truly a great partner is every other aspect. But he’s dead set that I’m too controlling over the household and rolls his eyes at my need for perfection.

I need accountability but also advice on how others handle this.

Thanks!

In The CBT Workbook For Perfectionism (2019), Sharon Martin writes about childhood experiences that are common among perfectionists.

She describes four parenting styles that can contribute to perfectionism in children (pgs. 36-42).

DEMANDING PARENTS

-They valued achievements and external markers of success.

-They were concerned about what others thought.

-They felt embarrassed or inadequate if their children were less than perfect.

-They set unrealistically high expectations.

-They told their children what to do with little concern for the child's interests, dreams, or abilities.

-They micromanaged their children's social lives, academics, sports, or extracurricular activities.

-They were intolerant of mistakes and saw them as failures.

-They were rigid, all-or-nothing thinkers.

-They used emotional abuse, such as yelling, name-calling, the silent treatment, withholding love, or guilt trips to shame and control.

-They were highly critical.

-They had strict rules and harsh consequences.

-They were physically abusive.

-They offered praise only for achievements.

-They provided minimal affection (loving words, hugs, kisses).

PERFECTIONIST PARENTS

-They were goal-oriented, driven perfectionists.

-They encouraged high achievement, goals, and standards.

-They praised their children's achievements rather than their efforts or progress.

-They were disciplined and rigid.

-They demanded a lot of themselves.

-They measured themselves and their children in comparison to others.

-They valued outward signs of success such as material possessions, awards, titles, and physical appearance in themselves and their children.

-They felt unhappy or unsatisfied despite outward signs of success.

-They unintentionally modeled self-criticism.

DISTRACTED PARENTS

-They were unaware of their children's feeling and needs.

-They were physically absent.

-They were physically present, but emotionally distant.

-They were uncomfortable talking about feelings.

-They were always busy.

-They believed that if their children were achieving or seemed happy, they must be doing fine.

OVERWHELMED PARENTS

-They experienced chronic stressors or serious problems such as addiction or mental illness.

-They had either overly high expectations and rules or no expectations and rules.

-They were inconsistent.

-They were highly critical.

-They were impossible to please.

-They were moody, angry, or emotionally or physically abusive.

-They depended on their children to assume adult responsibilities such as household chores or to provide emotional support to their parents.

-They blamed the children for the family's problems.

-They were indifferent to their children's feelings and needs.

-They didn't provide affection (loving word, hugs, kisses).

Did your parents exhibit one or more of these parenting styles?

Not including duplicate items, Martin lists 38 characteristics in these checklists. Twenty three characteristics fit my parents, and they fit best with the distracted parenting style.

When I gave my mother the final copy of my undergraduate thesis, she started marking corrections. Sadly, based on all of the posts and comments I've read in this sub, I think my parents' abuse and neglect was relatively mild.

I highly recommend this book on emotional neglect: Running on Empty. The emotionalneglect subReddit is a great resource for people who've realized that what they viewed as normal in their childhood home was deeply unhealthy. Heidi Priebe's YouTube channel on attachment styles has a wealth of information.

Genetic and Environmental Factors That Cause OCPD

How Have Your Parents / Childhood Contributed To Your OCPD?

Okay guys , so I heard this because it’s hard for me to get along with others. I don’t mean I’m problematic or starting drama or toxic ,

I just be cutting people off and if they try hollering at me again it’s like bye, I want nothing to do w you, why are you speaking to me. I hate to be like “it’s my personality disorder” and blame it on mental illness but 😬

it’s hard because you just don’t fit my standards and it’s extreme and horrible but it’s just me. I never attack or abuse or harass anyone , I just keep to myself and of course people find that offensive !!

What was your family dynamics like or your childhood.
I’m SO extreme but honestly not surprised looking at the way my narc parent was towards me, raised me to have 0 flaws, lived vicariously through me, but also my biggest and first hater, enemy, and saw me as competition.

Hey, I’m 16M, I live in Ukraine (this will be important), I’ve been diagnosed with OCD slightly more that a month ago and I’ve been on antidepressants for about a month. I’ve been suspecting I’ve had something wrong with me for about 2 months before I was diagnosed. I never really thougt I had any type of neurodivergency and just thought all the intrusive thoughts, reassurance cycles and etc were completely natural since I’ve experienced most sypmtomes since I can remember.
I was a moderately sociable child until the age of 11, when the war started. For 1,5 years straight I don’t recall talking to people my age, my whole 6th grade went in isolation, out classes were online and I didn’t have friends outside school. When the 7th grade started, I basically had social capacity of a 5th grader or even less, so I was super desperate for attention. I was the obnoxious kid in my class, everyone reasonably disliked me: I was was always saying cringe stuff of sorts like “I like watching gore” or was annoying my classmates with stupid questions for fun, basically did everything for attention. Strangely the moment that probably brings the most shame was one time I posed as a TV girl fan because I knew girls liked it. I think this was the year my OCD started progressing
During summer between the 7th and the 8th grade I moved schools and became a bit more self aware, but still lacked the capacity to properly socialize, on top of that I’ve started losing strength to study and blamed everything on the teachers, of course. After my first semester I moved schools again because I was bullied a bit, it was an online school this time.
I think that was the time when I started to form a shield around myself to never be negatively judged and hated on again, which is now the core of my problem.
Strangely, I remember my 9th grade vaguely, aside from the fact that I lost all strength to study, I don’t know how I felt just a year ago, but I believe my defence mechanism was formed at that time. Halfway into it in February I went on my usual skiing vacation in Carpathians with dad and some sort of renaissance hit me, in just 3 days I became a lot more self aware of everything, including social interactions, I was ashamed of everything I did before these 3 days. Another 5 months passed and I went on my first ever summercamp, where I fully realized I was actually an extrovert, I enjoyed talking to new people a lot and it was a breath of fresh air. Now, I’m a month into my 10th grade, I have absolutely no strength to do anything (read books, paint my warhammer miniatures, of course study etc.), I’ve stopped caring about about my future for some reason, even before I started taking antidepressants. I’m in another city right now and I feel uncomfortable here because of the ammount of people in the house and some other stuff. I’m taking weekend classes in another school and not a while ago I’ve met a guy, who resembles myself from the 7th grade and it’s been a while since I’ve felt so much hatred directed towards one person, the thing I hated the most about him is he’s dishonest, his attempts to get appraisal are clearly an fake act, and I hate fake people. Sometimes I feel fake myself, which makes me a hypocrite, and I hate being one

Now I will list all the stuff which I couldn’t attach to a timeline.
I feel a little detached from my feelings and don’t understand what’s happening to me sometimes, which is probably an effect of antidepressants, and which my OCD registers as losing control over myself so I’m searching my memories and analyzing my feelings all the time. Also I’ve lost some ability to imagine myself in different situations
The most important thing is, I have created a perfect image of myself with perfect ideals which I have to follow to:
1. Not be a hypocrite, which is my biggest fear. To me, being a hypocrite is the greatest extension of being wrong, when someone calls me a hypocrite or when I realize that I’m a hypocrite I feel pure chaos inside of me. Doubt floods me and I feel like I’m losing control over my identity which creates even more doubt. I also always assume everyone puts the same standarts on me as I put on myself and everybody else, and I’m very scared of what people think of me.
I usually distance myself from people in whom I notice imperfections, or something I can’t understand.
Sometimes I get angry when somebody isn’t effective enough, doesn’t follow my instructions, or doesn’t understand the first time I say something. As an example, I’ve had a slight problem on my birthday, which resulted to having to bring my 12 year old cousin to a 3 person kayak ride. I was very frustrated all the time and wanted to vent my anger on him for being inefficient all the time, which I occasionally did, I also sometimes got angry on the 3rd guy for not following my instructions.
Just today I’ve took an ADHD test (which proved I didn’t have it, but also proved I was impulsive), and the instructions to the test clearly stated that I shouldn’t have any distractors, yet my mom talked very loudly behind the door, which made me super angry and as soon as I ended the test, I vented all of my anger onto her, while also projecting guilt, which made me very satisfied. When I stopped, it was clear that she felt guilty, and she asked me “why didn’t you tell me?”, and I felt doubt again.
2. To never be judged or pitied. I’ve met my mom’s friend the other day, whom also had OCD. We exchanged our experiences and in the end she said something like “you have to understand that OCD is not something that defines you” she pitied me, and my first feeling was “you think you’re better than me?”. From the purest of my reasons I understand that she didn’t do anything wrong, but it still bugs me a little everytime I replay this memory. I also sometimes feel like I don’t deserve to be pitied because I do all of this horrible stuff to feel better than other people, I also believe I don’t deserve to show pity because it would be fake since I like looking down on people. I forgot to mention that superiority over someone feels rewarding and satisfying. That’s it for the image stuff
Every act of work I have to do needs to be perfect, when I write a story inside my head everything needs to have meaning and symbolism. Motivation is something fake to me, all work I’m not really interested in has to be done on pure willpower alone, which I don’t have, but I still suppress all motivation. I can’t get rid of the thought that the world is harsh and if I make a little mistake, my life will fall apart, and that’s why I stopped doing anything. I’ve had a couple times when I found the willpower to start working, and I did everything on full capacity, but it never lasted over a week because all of my strength faded and my situation became worse, to the point where I don’t do anything because I know I will not be able to continue for a long time while maintaining the “quality” of my work. And yes, by work I mean homework.
I hate when people look down on me, it’s a catastrophe, but at the same time I feel like a hypocrite because I look down on them, so I keep these feelings to myself most of the time.
I crave to be unique, I can’t stand to be in the grey mass
I don’t want to open up to people I know because I feel like I would be at their mercy
I don’t allow myself to commit “thought crimes” which contradict my defined worldview, because I believe my identity will be shattered if I do.

From the things that contradict OCPD, I’ve heard that people with it don’t really seek relationships for comfort, but not a while ago I imagined my pillow was someone’s thigh.

I know that my personality isn’t fully developed yet and sadly I feel like I don’t want to change, but simultaneously I’m scared that it will become worse.

This text might have a lot of mistakes, my touchscreen is fucked up. Might also add something later

I just recently got an official diagnosis. I have a lifelong history of perfectionism, but my room is consistently cluttered. I learned about OCPD in my adult life and assumed that it couldn’t be that because I have a tendency to avoid tidying my bedroom. My insanely strict morals seemed to be the smoking gun for me during my assessment.

My therapist and I have been working on trying to figure out the messy aspect so I can fix it, and I feel like the explanation is messy in and of itself. I also have ADHD, inattentive type, so motivation is difficult in general. But, we seem to have come to the conclusion that my perfectionism is why it’s hard for me to start anything.

I get stuck in the “in order to” loop constantly. In order to do my laundry, I have to clean my room first, entirely. In order to put my jewelry away, I have to reorganize the entire box. In order to put new stuff away in the bathroom cabinet, I have to reorganize everything more optimally for the new items. I end up just staring at the mess thinking about how many steps are required and then I just don’t start because it’s too overwhelming. Plus I have physical issues too, so doing anything for a prolonged amount of time is extra exhausting, so if I know I can’t finish a task before I’m burned out, I won’t want to start.

Does the mess still piss me off? Absolutely. I think after years of getting in the habit of ignoring it, I’ve gotten used to it. I’m still hyper-organized if you look closer, like my desk is cluttered, but the drawers under it are very neatly organized. And I still want everything to be that organized too, but I’ve neglected everything for so long, it feels like an impossible task at this point.

So in a weird way, I’m messy because of my OCPD, rather than it being an indicator that I don’t have it. I’m just so consumed by how messy my space is 24/7 that I missed every other rigidly-organized aspect of my life, I just never saw it that way! Still working on the actually solution, but I’m getting better at understanding it.

Married for 9 years, together 12. 2 young kids.

AUDHD, he’s ADHD. I’ve been diagnosed OCD but actually since being redirected to this forum it looks more like OCPD.

I think it’s killing my relationship.

He works huge hours for his own business so I’m taking on the entire house load. If I ask for help he doesn’t want to because he feels he can’t do it right. E.g I need the dishwasher loading a certain way and get stressed if he just puts things in wherever they fit. I have logic to these things like easier unloading etc.

So many systems that I follow. Serious need for the house to be tidy.

Used to be worse but medicated + therapy means I’m not bleaching everything in sight daily. But I ask for a reset everything in its place.

I’m at a point where I don’t see how I can calm down my needs any more, and he’s at a point where his capacity for any of it is zero.

Don’t know what I expect from this post. I’m just exhausted. Sick of being me. Sick of not being understood like it’s all a choice I make to be this particular.

When I learned about OCPD, I started seeing perfectionism and OCPD traits everywhere—in friends; one of my bosses; characters in my favorite novels, movies, and TV shows; a reality TV star; and my favorite fitness guru. I read a memoir about perfectionism by an athlete who was diagnosed with OCD, but she doesn’t describe any OCD symptoms…Get a second opinion, girl!

Two of the three leading OCPD specialists--Gary Trosclair and Allan Mallinger--have disclosed that they have OCPs. A few of the other therapist-authors I've featured in the resource posts are perfectionists, for example, Sharon Martin and Jeff Syzmanski.

CELEBRITIES

Jeff Lewis from the Bravo series “Flipping Out” was diagnosed in his twenties. This Real Estate Mogul Couldn't Have Done It Without Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

Abbey Sharp, a Canadian influencer, briefly mentions her OCPD in Let’s Talk About My 0rth0rexia Past. Another video about her eating disorder recovery: The REAL Reason You Have an ED (Being ‘Perfect’ is Hurting YOU!). She also has ADHD.

An Indian singer, Neha Bhasin, disclosed having OCPD.

Ashlynn Allan, a life coach and the host of the This is Ashlynn podcast, disclosed OCPD in this interview: Perfectionism & Control with Dr Bethany Walker

Bella King has disclosed OCPD in her instagram account. Bella King | OCPD (@thatocpdgirl)

HISTORICAL FIGURES

America's Obsessives: The Compulsive Energy That Build A Nation (2013) by Joshua Kendall has fascinating profiles of famous people who struggled with OCPD traits: Thomas Jefferson, Steve Jobs, Alfred Kinsey, Charles Lindbergh, Ted Williams, John Dewey, HJ Heinz, and Estée Lauder. Most of the people profiled appeared to have had severe OCPD symptoms, analogous to Howard Hughes' OCD.

Sylvia Plath, a poet who died by suicide, exhibited OCPD traits. Her published journals and accounts by her mother and close friends show maladaptive perfectionism and extreme black-and-white thinking. For example, her mother stated that she constantly used the words 'always' and 'never.'

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

Gary Trosclair has stated that Fredrik Backman’s Britt Marie Was Here (2017) has a protagonist with OCPD traits. He believes that the protagonist in “A Man Called Otto” starring Tom Hanks shows OCPD traits.

Posts and comments in this sub identify the following characters as having perfectionism and other OCPD traits:

Sheldon Cooper, “The Big Bang Theory” - “I believe Sheldon Cooper definitely has OCPD. He is the definition of perfectionist, worries excessively about contamination, has a somewhat pessimistic outlook on life, health anxiety, anxious tendencies and inability to relax and get out of his own way, tends to spiral into existential crises, thinks his way is the best way. He also struggles a bit with social cues, which I think might indicate he is autistic as well.”

Santa has OCPD traits. That is a hill I will die on lol. My people pleasing is out of control.

Hey everyone!

I'm a 20F college student. A few years ago, I started developing symptoms of anxiety and depression, and I was officially diagnosed at 18. I never really tried medication or therapy for any of my symptoms, just because I'm highly functional despite these ailments. For context, I go to a T25 college, have a 4.0 GPA, and participate in a multitude of extracurriculars and activities on campus - not me bragging, but I do think its important background knowledge. I always found it a little unusual how almost every other person I know with depression suffered low motivation and whatnot, when I on the other hand place a good bit (if not the vast majority) of my self worth on my academic and extracurricular performance.

As I've gotten older and opened up to more people about my struggles with anxiety, however, both myself and my close friends have realized that there are parts of my anxiety that could be considered more obsessive-compulsive. After some convincing, I went to my college psychiatrist, who said that while she wanted to meet with me more, had an inkling that I might have either OCPD or some milder form of OCD. However, I'm feeling a lot of imposter syndrome about it, and even if I do get diagnosed, I'm probably gonna chalk it up to the psychiatrist being wrong or inaccurate. Thus, I figured it could be useful for me to come on here and see if anyone can relate?

The main theme I've noticed in my anxiety is this search for idealism in many different areas of my life. How this ends up becoming obsessive is that my brain has weirdly attributed a vast amount of "rules" that MUST be fulfilled if a day/activity/literally anything can reach its maximum idealism/pleasure, even if thats not necessarily true in real life. Here are some examples:

• My brain attributes a lot of pleasure to food. This being said, if I wake up one day and decide that I'm going to have a "good" day where I "spoil" myself, then I have to eat all my favorite foods. This typically means spending a lot of money, eating extremely unhealthy and gluttonous, and skipping the gym. However, the vast majority of the time, what would ACTUALLY constitute a good day for me would be eating relatively modestly, going to the gym, and maybe having one cheat meal. As such, when these days tend to occur, I actually undergo more stress than pleasure regarding the money I'm spending, calories I'm consuming, etc. I KNOW for a FACT that going to the gym and eating modestly would grant me a much better day than chowing down on everything in sight and being a lazy chud, but it doesn't matter - I can't stop myself because its a weird set of rules my brain established. This happens in smaller ways too - for example, last night, I just wanted one cup of mac & cheese for dinner. I wasn't that hungry, and that would've easily fulfilled me. However, for whatever reason, my brain has this pre-established rule that two cups would be the most pleasurable experience, so I end up having two even though I only want one, simply because my brain convinces me that I have to if I want to have a "good" day.
• The above food issues kinda show up in other day-to-day things as well - its almost as if when I establish a theme for the day I have, than I MUST follow it. For example, I have to do my tasks in order of most "bad" to least "bad", because my brain is convinced that I can only have a "good" day if I do just that. However, lets say I just got home after a long day, and I need to feed my lizard that night - even if I'm exhausted, have more than enough time to do it later, and know for a fact I won't be bothered by saving the chore for later that night, I MUST do it immediately, because I can't have a "good" day if I don't. Again, the reason why this is so strange is because the rules and routines that my brain is convinced make a "good" day doesn't reflect reality at all. There are many times after settling in, eating a gluttonous meal, reading my favorite book that I think to myself how nice it would be to go to the gym. But, my brain has made the gym a "bad" task, so I can't go because than I won't have a "good" day.
• One of the most prevalent ways this shows up is through my friendships. Now, I always used to characterize this as anxious attachment, but after some time I've realized that a) most people are anxiously attached to their partners and b) my anxious attachment is much too routine and rule-based to JUST be that. For example - my brain has created an almost hierarchy-like structure for the different types of friendships in my life, and each label on the hierarchy contains a different set of rules to "validate" the label I've given this friendship. For example, when it comes to my best friends, there are different tasks that must be completed in a time frame for the label of "best friend" to be valid - ex. we have to text x amount of times in a week, call x amount of times, have x amount of emotionally deep conversations, provide x much support too one another, etc. Every label of friendship has a similar set of rules that must be validated, but they obviously change in intensity/commitment/maintenance when we get lower on the hierarchy. I've noticed that after being best friends with someone for a long time, these rules more or less fade into the background - they're still there, but I don't feel as much distress regarding them. Unfortunately, I'm not someone who can just "feel" or believe my level of closeness with someone: all of my friendships HAVE to be continually valid to maintain their label, and its almost like a fucking job at this point with how obsessive I am about my relationships with other people. I've had so many friendships be ruined by this obsessive behavior of mine, and I'm so tired of it.
• In general, I'm very obsessed with labels, hence why I went to a psychiatrist for this in the first place - labels for my behaviors, labels for my friendships, labels for my job, etc.
• Also...just a perfectionist in general tbh, specifically with academics and job tasks.
• Overall, pretty controlling and obsessive over my schedules, routines, plans, etc. I can't stand change or last-minute altercations to anything I've established as concrete in my mind.

There's definitely more, but I'd say the above are the largest themes. Does anyone relate?

These are excerpts from Gary Trosclair's I'm Working On It In Therapy: Getting the Most Out of Psychotherapy (2015). It's available on Kindle and with a free trial of Amazon Audible. Trosclair has worked as a therapist and Jungian analyst for 35 years. He is the author of The Healthy Compulsive book, blog, and podcast.

This is the book that helped me the most in reducing OCPD symptoms.

Trosclair states that this book is not intended for people who are in therapy to get through crises. It’s for people who want to make significant changes. I think it's a great resource for all therapy clients and anyone interested in self-reflection.

WHAT ARE THE THEMES IN YOUR LIFE?

Effective therapy involves “…connecting the dots to see what themes are consistent in your life…[for example, experiences that led to seeking therapy], what gets you annoyed, resentful, angry, or fearful, and what moves you, excites you, and gives you pleasure. Observing your interactions with coworkers, family, and friends…and watching for patterns…will be very important.” (117)

“While we do need to discuss the individual events…if we don’t ask what larger themes recur, and which core issues consistently cause us trouble, we could spend a lifetime in therapy looking at individual events as if they were unrelated and not make progress toward a more satisfying future.” (108)

WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

“We all create stories about our lives…to make sense of what’s happened in the past and what’s happening now. Our stories help the brain to organize and recall incredibly complex information, and they lead to the beliefs that help us navigate the world without having to reassess each new situation individually.” (109)

“Stories are powerful medicine [that] can help or harm, depending on whether we take the right one in the right dosage. They can either create or diminish energy. Whether we are aware of it or not, we’re always taking this medicine...We all tell ourselves stories about how we’ve come to be who we are and where we’re going. It is the default mode of the brain. Some of it’s true, some of it isn’t, and some of it we’ll never know for sure.” (110)

The stories we create "lead to our fundamental beliefs about who we are, how the world operates, the nature of relationships, and what will make life fulfilling for us. These beliefs in turn lead to how we feel and how we behave.” (108)

“We usually create the first editions of our stories when we’re too young to do it consciously, so they often end up playing in the background, influencing us constantly without our being aware of it. [When they’re] inaccurate and unhelpful, they…put more emphasis on certain events and leave out others, creating a skewed sense of reality…we’re stuck, unable to take in the new information that could change how we live.” (111, 123)

“If the story you’ve told yourself is that the world is a dangerous place in which you have little control, self-protection and survival will become your supreme values. Fulfilling relationships, satisfying creativity, or the simple joy of being present…will all be left out. On the other hand, if your story is one in which resilience and perseverance lead to fulfillment, there’s much more room to pursue things that are valuable to you.” (117)

“Letting go of the old stories [is very challenging]. They may seem like they’ve been faithful companions…for much of our lives, and creating a new story may feel as though you’re betraying them." (127)

“Don’t worry if you can’t shake the old story right away. It takes time…More and more often you’ll notice when you are at a fork in the road…you can choose whether or not to operate out of old assumptions…You won’t get it right all the time, but each time you do, you strengthen the new narrative.” (132-33)

The Scientific Standing of Psychoanalysis | TherapyRoute

Wise Advice For Clinicians Treating Clients With OCPD From Allan Mallinger and Gary Trosclair

no I’m not autistic

there are so many more examples than these but

-every time I shower, i will use a product and then place it where the next product that I need is
-if I use an array of seasonings, I will put them back in randomly in open spots.
-i have all of my eyeshadow individual colors (i have a surplus of palettes) on tiny pieces of paper and every morning i pick one randomly and use it. however, i can’t repeat the base color again until 5 others have been used. i then throw out the paper so i wont use it

i told my boyfriend this after about a year of living together while he was putting away dishes into my random order. he told me he thought he was going crazy because he expected things to be in the same spot. i had never even considered that was how they should be out back.

are these considered rules? i also have diagnosed autism but im unsure if thats a trait

I work as a contracted professor at an elite institution. Being on contract, I am in a precarious position with zero job security. The stress and pressure of this came to a head a few months ago. At the time, I did not know what OCPD was; I just assumed I had intense anxiety caused by childhood trauma, leading to a life dipping in and out of major depression and suicidality. After a multi-week stint in the hospital mid-semester, a forced medical leave, and far too many therapy sessions, I now have a diagnosis of OCPD and a significantly better understanding of what has been “wrong” with me for all these years.

The time away did me good, but I’m back to work on the (likely) final year of my contract. I am beginning to realize how difficult it is to keep my OCPD symptoms in check while working in higher ed; the entire system is a meritocracy. Everyone here is extremely competitive, perfectionistic, and all seemingly driving themselves into early graves with a “sleep-when-your-dead” mentality. (I would love to see a study done that accounts for how many grad students/faculty have OCPD).

Like many academics, this has been my entire life. I don’t have much experience outside of university. Being in my late 30s, given my contractual status and considering my recent diagnosis, this feels like a very crucial moment: either commit to this career, or leave and never look back.

I guess why I’m posting here (after months of lurking) is I’m curious: how many people here have managed to sustain academia—or other high-pressure careers—with OCPD? Is it possible to maintain self-care and compassion in the face of similar work situations, or is the temptation to grind-grind-grind too strong?