Dr. Dan Siegel created the phrase "name it to tame it" to refer to how labeling feelings promotes emotional regulation. Neuroimaging studies show that labeling emotions reduces activity in the amygdala, resulting in a calming effect.

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” “The only way out is through.” Carl Jung

HEALTHY PERSPECTIVES ON EMOTIONS

From The DBT Skills Handbook (2025), Marsha Linehan, pg. 40

-Emotions are neither good or bad, right or wrong. Feelings just ARE. They exist. It is not helpful to judge your emotions.

-There is a difference between having an emotion and doing something or acting on the emotion.

-Emotions don’t last forever. No matter what you’re feeling, eventually, it will lift and another emotion will take it’s place.

-When a strong emotion comes, you do not have to act on your feeling. All you need to do is recognize the emotion and feel it.

-Emotions are not facts. When emotions are very powerful they feel just like “the truth”.

-You cannot get rid of emotions because they serve important survival functions. Be willing to radically accept your emotions as they arise.

CONSEQUENCES OF HABITUALLY SUPPRESSING EMOTIONS

From Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect (2019), Jonice Webb, Christine Musello, pg. 123:

“Emotions can do a variety of interesting things when they are pushed underground or ignored. They can:

-become physical symptoms like GI distress, headaches, or back pain Chronic Pain and Perfectionism

-turn into depression, causing problems with eating, sleep, memory, concentration, or social isolation

-sap your energy

-cause you to explode at random times, or blow up ‘over nothing’

-aggravate anxiety and/or panic attacks

-keep your relationships and friendships superficial and lacking in depth

-make you feel empty and unfulfilled

-cause you to question the purpose and value of your own life

OCPD AND BEHAVIORS THAT SUPPRESS EMOTIONS

People with OCPD have a higher than average rate of substance use and other numbing behaviors.

In The Healthy Compulsive (2020), Gary Trosclair noted that people with OCPD “are particularly vulnerable to becoming addicted to the use of computers, tablets, mobile phones, and the internet. Because you’re capable of shutting everything else out and focusing intently, and because you feel the need to be thorough, without realizing it you may become more attached to devices than to people or other sources of gratification.

"You may think that you’re doing something for your own sake, but instead you’ve entered a trance and gotten sucked into something you hadn’t intended to. Your never-ending quest for completion and solutions may lead you to check out every web page on the internet that …Because you may intensely seek answers or solutions, the internet can grab your attention and never let it go.” (109-10)

SUPPRESSION OF POSITIVE FEELINGS

Brene Brown explains, "We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions. Studies show that suppressing emotions doesn't actually get rid of them. It just stores them in the body. When we refuse to process sadness, it often resurfaces as anxiety, stress, even physical pain…I'd rather face my emotions on my own terms than let them ambush me down the road…When we refuse to let ourselves hurt, we refuse to let ourselves heal.”

In The Pursuit of Perfect (2009), Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar explains that “when we do not allow ourselves to experience painful emotions, we limit our capacity for happiness. All our feelings flow along the same emotional pipeline, so when we block painful emotions, we are also indirectly blocking pleasurable ones. And these painful emotions only expand and intensify when they aren’t released. When they finally break through—and they eventually do break through in one way or another—they overwhelm us” (xvii)

METAPHORS

Some people conceptualize their thoughts and feelings as weather to remind themselves they are temporary and can be observed without judgment. People who meditate sometimes visualize themselves as a mountain and view their thoughts as clouds passing by.

In Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (1993), Marsha Linehan states that “borderline patients are so fearful of emotions, especially negative ones, that they try to avoid them by blocking their experience of the emotions. That is, they avoid emotional cues and inhibit the experience of emotions; thus, they have no opportunity to learn that when unfettered, emotions come and go…like waves of water coming in from the sea onto the beach.

"Left alone, the water comes in and goes out. The emotion-phonic patient tries to keep the waves from coming in by building a wall, but instead of keeping the water out, the wall actually traps the water inside the walls [intensifying the feelings]. Taking down the wall is the solution.” (345)

I took very small, consistent steps to "lower the wall" that suppressed my feelings. I think of suppressing feelings like putting a lid on a pot of boiling water; it only make the water hotter.

RESOURCE

How to Process Emotional Numbness and Dissociation

I suppressed my feelings for decades before receiving treatment for OCPD and trauma. I had no idea that I had a problem because my abusers and sister suppressed their feelings too. The unspoken rule in my childhood home was to repress feelings and focus on achievement. I joke that I'm a recovering thinkaholic. I started to work on increasing awareness of my feelings by paying attention to my body sensations (e.g. breathing, tension). Keeping an audio journal has helped with maintaining my progress.

From Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect (2019), Jonice Webb, Chritine Musello:

Understanding The Purpose and Value of Your Emotions (pgs. 120-22)

“Neuroscientists have studied extensively the evolutionary development of the human brain. For humans, the ability to feel emotion evolved millions of years before the ability to think. Human emotions originate in the limbic system, which is buried deep below the cerebral cortex, the section of the brain where thought originates. In this way, our feelings are a more basic part of who we are than our thoughts…Our emotions cannot be erased, and will not be denied, any more than we can erase or deny our hunger or thirst.”

“For every emotion, there is a purpose. Emotions are incredibly useful tools to help us adapt, survive, and thrive. People who were emotionally neglected were trained to try to erase, deny, push underground…this invaluable built-in feedback system. Because they are not listening to their emotions, they are operating at a disadvantage from the rest of us. Pushing away this vital source of information makes you vulnerable...” (122)

“Sometimes, especially to emotionally neglected people, emotions feel like a burden…[but] emotion is necessary for survival. Emotions tell us when we are in danger, when to run, when to fight and what is worth fighting for. Emotions are our body’s way of communicating with us and driving us to do things.”

Emotion	Function
disgust	tells us to avoid something
fear	tells us to escape/self-preservation
anger	pushes us to fight back/self-protection
love	drives us to care for spouse, children, others
passion	drives us to procreate, create and invent
hurt	pushes us to correct a situation
sadness	tells us we are losing something important
compassion	pushes us to help others

DON'T BLAME THE MESSENGER

In the video "The Myth of Perfect Regulation," Heidi Priebe suggests that viewers ask themselves, “Do I know how to listen to my emotions as messengers even when they are telling me something I don't want to hear?”

My feelings provide valuable information about my needs and circumstances. I no longer view uncomfortable feelings as a ‘problem.’ Instead, I view them as possibly indicating issues that need to be addressed. If I fully experience them (instead of overthinking), I’m more likely to make healthy decisions.

Two things can be true. I don’t want this feeling. It’s telling me something important. Experiencing uncomfortable feelings isn’t a problem; the situations provoking those feelings may be problematic.

BENEFITS OF LABELING FEELINGS

Studies indicate that habitually labeling feelings has a positive impact on mental health. Dr. Dan Siegel created the phrase "name it to tame it" to refer to how labeling feelings promotes emotional regulation. Neuroimaging studies show that labeling emotions reduces activity in the amygdala, resulting in a calming effect.

From Atlas of the Heart (2021), Brene Brown:

“Language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning, and self-awareness. Gaining access to the right words can open up entire universes. When we don’t have the language to talk about what we’re experiencing, our ability to make sense of what’s happening and share it with others is severely limited. Without accurate language, we struggle to get the help we need, we don’t always regulate or manage our emotions and experiences in a way that allows us to move through them productively, and our self-awareness is diminished.” (xxi)

BEING PRESENT WITH FEELINGS

From Gary Trosclair's The Healthy Compulsive (2020):

“Avoiding feelings…cuts you off from a source of direction and wisdom. Each of these feelings can serve as a warning sign that something is out of balance.” (65)

“To move toward the healthier end of the compulsive spectrum, you will need to stop avoiding emotions with busy-ness and instead allow them to flow into consciousness. Once you’re aware of what you’re feeling, you can decide how to respond to it. If you don’t, you’ll be driven by forces you aren’t aware of. Emotions are a necessary element in change...

"While it is true for everyone that avoiding feelings can make the feelings more disturbing, people who suffer from OCPD are particularly prone to a cycle of negative emotions…if they don’t slow down to deal with them…People who are driven have energy and a capacity for intense work that give them a way to avoid their feelings that’s socially sanctioned and rewarded. Avoiding emotions may seem beneficial at first, but over time it can lead to a rut of anger, disappointment, and cynicism.

"But what does it mean to listen to feelings? It means to allow the feeling to rise into consciousness long enough to really experience it, to understand what’s bothering you, to develop the capacity to tolerate the feeling, and to see if there is anything to learn from it…For most compulsives, this will need to be deliberate; you’re likely to rush into doing rather than feeling, and consequently you miss both disturbing and positive feelings.” (59-60)

RESOURCE

Alexithymia: Difficulty Identifying, Understanding, and Expressing Emotions