New dad to a 5 week old. Man, what everyone says about parenthood is true! It is fucking hard. It's like one of those truisms you hear your whole life, see depicted in books or shows or movies, but you really can't understand it until you are in it.
The newborn phase is so rough. Just when you feel like you've got things figured out, they change on a dime. Right now we are just dealing with the gradual increase in fussiness I think most babies have until weeks 6 - 8 when things (usually) start to improve. Overall I'd have said we actually have an easy baby, but recent history has made me move him to a category of average or moderate difficulty. He's a good sleeper overnight and usually goes down by 8 or 9 pm and sleeps through until 6 am, waking up every 3 hours or so but usually falling back asleep as soon as he eats.
But man the past few days we've been struggling with an early morning witching hour or something because he gets up at 6 am and is just fussy and inconsolable for hours. I feel terrible because it's during my wife's shift (I watch him from bedtime until 4 am, and she takes over from 4 am until I wake up at 9 am). I wake up every morning with a deep sense of dread just anticipating how difficult he made things for her. If I'm going to come out to find her crying because he's been inconsolable since 6 am. He's at least been falling asleep for a long(ish) nap at around 10 after being awake for 3 - 4 hours crying and fussing.
I think I'll take the whole night tonight just so she can have a break. I've offered to flip shifts so she can have the first half of the night when he's easier. I'm honestly considering seeing if I can even hire someone to come and help for those hours from 6 am to 9 am for a couple weeks until he regulates.
We are getting through it. We will figure it out.
But oh! That's not all! Over time the list of things that will soothe him gets smaller and smaller. He used to enjoy contact napping, but now if me or my wife try to do it, he will start to squirm and fuss and kick his legs like he's trying to crawl up us until he's crying. Used to be able to rock him back and forth and shush him, but that stopped being effective. Literally the only thing that works is me, specifically me for some reason, bouncing him on a yoga ball cradled on his side. This does not work when my wife does it. I feel terrible because she's tried everything to no success: yoga ball, taking him for a walk outside, dark room, pacifier, 5S's, Snoo, sleep sack, swaddle, and she can't soothe him. Even with me doing it now it's progressed to him needing a pacifier in his mouth sometimes to be consistently effective. I dread if it gets worse and I lose even this method of helping him.
I mention he's not the most difficult baby because at least he's not crying nonstop all day. The early mornings are bad but afternoons are typically fine. But he will only nap during the hours of about 10 am to 2 pm, if he's up after 2 pm he will not sleep longer than about half an hour, needs actively soothed constantly to sleep, and it's like threading the thinnest of needles to avoid him being up for 2 - 3 hours and becoming an inconsolable overtired mess by evening.
During his long wake windows, which tend to be in the morning and in the evening, even if he's not fussing I don't know what to do with him past a few minutes! Tummy time, practicing tracking high contrast images, talking to him, picking him up and walking around and showing him different things. Its so hard not getting anything back. Not a smile or a coo or a giggle. Just doll eyes looking around, a little internal countdown until he starts to fuss after about 20 - 30 minutes of being awake. It feels so extremely draining and I hate that I feel happiest when he's sleeping, and that from the moment he wakes up I just look forward to nothing more than him falling asleep again. I feel like I am on call every waking moment and the only brief window of respite I get is at night. I wake up every morning with palpable dread as it feels I am running a marathon that never ends.
We also have no real support from in the form of friends and family. Our parents are multiple states away. I've got a brother nearby but he is useless with babies. We have some friends but not this like huge network of strong lifelong supports some people seem to have where they've got people stopping by seemingly every day to help with something. My mom is visiting at the end of the week, but honestly it's just more stress because she's 75 years old and I don't even know if she has the stamina or has retained her skills with babies from 35 years ago. We luckily are financially secure so throwing money at the issue is at least an option. We also have good mental health support.
Okay that's the venting. Now I'll go for a more positive spin on this.
I know it will pass. Every single day, every difficult moment, passes. Each thing that passes is now in my past. It's done and I don't have to relive that experience. I know he will grow. I know he will eventually smile at us, and be excited to see us, and giggle and even talk. He will develop interests and hobbies. He will be one of the most valuable connections in my life and will be someone I couldn't see how I'd live without.
As I've read on here a million times, the days are long but the weeks are short. I'm simultaneously surprised that it's already been 5-weeks, and at the same time it feels like an looping eternity that never ends.
And I have it comparatively easy! He sleeps at night, he CAN be soothed, albeit with seemingly a single method right now, so I don't think he would technically be considered colicky. Some of the horror stories I read on here when I'm trying to keep sane are unbelieveable. With shift sleeping and him generally being a good night sleeper I'd say I'm averaging at least 7 hours at night. To you parents operating for weeks on 3 hours, my heart goes out to you.
This is tough guys. And for all my complaining, my wife's got it so much worse between having to physically recover after childbirth and having to pump every 3 hours. Not to mention having to do THIS immediately after 9 months of pregnancy.
Single parents, parents to twins, HOW DO YOU DO THIS???? My respect to ALL of you is endless.
I look forward to revisiting and updating this after a few months. Some of the most helpful posts I've come across on here are people who were at wits end, only to make an update 6 months later about their burgeoning best friend.