I wish there was a more clear definition to what i experienced, i found resources of it no-contact CSA and sexual harrasment but i feel it doesn’t make justice to all the trauma, it was too much, and it sounds so subtle. Plus I’ve seen other survivors saying we should not compare being raped to sexual harrassment, i do have empathy for all of us.. it hurts and its unfair that you invalidate what i went through when you have no idea of how it was.

I guess when someone hear “sexual harrassment” they imagine catcalling once. Sexual harrassment is any unconsented words, look or sign with the intent to make someone else feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Imagine that every single day of your childhood and teens, in your own home with the person who was supposed to protect you.

No we didn’t touch me, at least not in a serious way. I had my ass slapped (in a sexual way) so often that it became my normal so i repeated it to other kids until someone told me it felt wrong and i never did it again. I had my waist and thighs groped, my mouth kissed as a joke in front of anyone to make the group laugh because “he is such an intense annoying man hahah”. In my own home i had to be careful on never wearing dresses without shorts underneath, never going out of the bathroom without a towel, never allowing myself to be pretty because he would always say something. I had to stay in my room anytime he was home because he would stare at my body up and down doing faces. In private AND public he would make comments about my body and my supposedly sexually (me being a elementary school child), “joking” about things that were so shameful for me and i felt threatened my identity and myself. Him threatening me to “don’t see porn!” in the computer when i didn’t even know what it meant.

I felt like a piece of meat, i grew up thinking that way, i grew up being treated like a whore for doing any simple thing just as dancing or jumping, or literally just existing during my first years of puberty. I recently found out i had lot of symptoms of CSA because of this.
When i was a kid i had multiple therapists that told my mother they suspected CSA, but i was never helped. Because my abuser is “just joking” “just being a man” and “it was my fault for having the body i had” “he couldn’t control himself”.

I spent so much time hating myself and hating my story hoping theres anything else that i don’t remember, a physical situation of CSA so my story can be valid. I guess its time for me to start advocating for myself instead of waiting for others people approval

Much like the title says, I feel really bad when I think about the person I could've been if I hadn't gone through sexual abuse at such a young age. I've always been a little messed up in the head in one way or another and I can't say that all my problems were caused by the abuse but I feel like the majority of them are. My isolation, inability to socialize, depression, hyper sexuality, questioning my own sexuality, not to mention I have adhd; the list goes on. I always feel like I'm an outsider whenever I'm around family/friends, coworkers, or strangers. Like they got something I don't, like they see how fucked up or different I am no matter how much I pretend that I'm ok. Sometimes I look at other people my age and can't help to feel a little sad when I'm reminded of what "normal" looks like. More than that it hurts me cause of how behind I feel in life in almost every aspect, it feels like I'm paying catch-up. I think that the trauma from the abuse has been rooted in a lot of my actions, thoughts, and emotions.(the only good thing that's come from it is the will that I have to become a better person, but it's hard feeling like I always come up short and having to live with the memories of what happened makes me realize theres so many complex feelings when I think about it, maybe I need to go back to therapy. Does any one else relate to any of this ?

On days when I feel vulnerable, like today, I miss that vulnerable feeling of the first time I sucked my dad. I miss that feeling of not really knowing what I was doing nor how to do it. I was young but eager. I wish I could go back to it

I swear some days I remember and have this perfect clarity about what happened to me and other days I am convinced that I am making everything up and will snap out of it any day now. I wish I could make up my mind.

I don’t wanna be faking anything because what would that say about me?

I feel so different from everybody.

When I was 6 years old my cousin who I guess was around 14-15 like molested me and kissed me on my lips. I didn't know that it was bad and he told me that it's okay for cousins to do it so I let him. His sister saw us kissing and him touching me and she just looked at us disgusted, didn't even stop us and then he(my cousin) told me to tell her it's okay for cousins to do it. After like 2 years when I was 8 i learned about SA through the internet. Not my parents not my school teachers but internet. I got disgusted by myself. Then I just had the urge for having sex and I started masturbating at the age of 8. I felt so disgusted that I gained weight on purpose which led me to get my periods early. I met him again for his sister's wedding(a different sister) and I was fat and ugly right so he didn't touch me thank goodness. But now the girl who was talkative and skinny and pretty is now a fat bitch. My parents don't know my siblings don't know I only told some of my closest friends. I just hope he doesn't or didn't molest anyone like he did with me

Has anyone ever confronted someone that molested them around 33 years ago?

I (36f) have been having flashbacks and I am certain that my dad molested me from birth to 10.5 years of age.

I am no contact with him, and I don't really want to ever talk to him, it would be good to get an apology, but I'm not wishing to talk to him to get it.

But I believe my uncle was involved on at least one occasion.

I want to look him in the eye and ask if he did it.

I am extremely un-confrontational though, so the thought of actually doing it scares the shit out of me!!

I think I should do it in person though if I do tell him I know or suspect, because I think his body language would be pretty telling, if he was guilty yeah?

I'm sure he would think he had gotten away with it, considering it's been about 33 years..

I don't know.. I just would like someone to validate my feelings/flashbacks, so I know I'm not being crazy..

Has anyone ever confronted their abuser/perpetrator and how did it go?

Thanks in advance

The first time I was sexually abused, it made me hypersexual.

I was somewhere in the single digits.

This second time I was sexually abused, as an adult, it just takes all your pride and has skewed me into more embarrassing fantasies.

I never followed up with my first abuse, because it's very circumstantial.

I tried to follow up with this second abuse, which is also circumstantial.

However, everyone had told me not to follow up on this and it's pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

Like, ik it's not wrong to follow up on this stuff but the pressure is pushing me to just deal with it.

Like, police and courts have just told me to deal with it.

And so I can deal with it out of law, but there's still an active threat looming above.

Idek.

I (47m) feel so empty. I keep looking for something to fill myself up, and I can’t find anything. No amount of porn, no amount of dark fantasies, not even innocent real-life things make me feel complete lately.

Not long ago, I felt very peaceful. But that peace always disappears, and what comes after feels so dark and lonely.

All I want is to go back to my childhood, and experience those feelings and emotions again. But unlike other fits of nostalgia, I can’t just play a song or eat a food to get the feeling back. Those moments can never be relived.

Since being sexually abused and being completely disrespected, I've been getting horny for worse and more degrading things.

I never used to want to be sexually abused but ever since, I'm open to the idea.

I think many people have the same thing happen to them, but I have always been prideful of myself until that kinda happened.

I don't see my dad anymore but when I still did, most of my memories are my dad tickling me too close to my panties, carrying me with his hands resting on my panties, and washing me in the shower for a long time... taking baths together..
I saw it as attention and care. I slept in his bed until really late, because I didn't like to sleep in my room, and sometimes l'd wake up in the morning without my panties on.
I don't remember anything graphic, but I'm convinced there was more than I can recall. I'm pretty sure he recorded something; he always loved recording things with his camcorder.
It's all confusing, but I remember sensations when I close my eyes. I also remember seeing his penis poking out of his dressing gown on multiple occasions, while I was next to him, and that memor is very vivid!!
I miss having a dad, and I miss that feeling of closeness.
Now reenacting daddy doing things to me while I'm asleep or helpless is the only way I can orgasm.
I wonder how many people had similar experiences..
I hope I can recover some of my suppressed memories... one day...

(21 m/f)Kapoy na, life would be much easier if I had a father. If I wasn't SA'd; witness of SA'd paired with a chaotic childhood. And now developed hypersexuality and anxiety.

I hate that I still have difficulty trusting people. I hate what my dad did to me. Just having a hard name wanted to vent

I had these yellow light curtains in my bedroom I would focus on. A star on my ceiling, the one where it wasn’t painted fully. The pattern on my blanket. Nail polish stain on my stuffy.

I met up with a couple this weekend. They had the yellow curtains in their bedroom. The same ones.

That’s all I can see now when I close my eyes.

So, I (f36) have recently started getting repressed memories back in flashbacks, and I have been doing hypnotherapy, to process and reframe my trauma, from having been molested as a child. 

I posted previously about thinking it had happened, but now I'm 95% certain it did, long-term from my dad and he involved my uncle at least once. 

I believe it went from birth until I got my periods, at 10.5 years old, but I don't know the actual frequency of the events. It could have been every night, or once a week or a few times a year.. I'm not sure. 

I have gotten a few flashback memories, but nothing super concrete. My mind has completely blocked it all out. 

The hypnosis has been incredible, and only time will tell as to how it goes long term, but I'm hopeful it will help!! So far so good anyway!! 

My question is.. I don't know what to do about Christmas this year. 

I am no contact with my dad anyway, but I normally see my uncle at Christmas, and this year I really don't want to!! 

I have only told my mum, but to exclude him from Christmas, I would have to at least tell my grandma (his mum) why, as she hosts... 

I have a toddler, so it's not fair for us to miss out, so that my uncle can go. 

So, do I just suck it up, not say anything and suffer whatever triggers/flashbacks/traumatic feelings during the day, for the sake of keeping the peace? 

Does anyone have any experience of recovering memories really late in life, and having to deal with disclosing to family members, based only on recovered memories/flashbacks?

What have you done in relation to family gatherings?

Or how have you handled talking to a believed perpetrator and/or disclosing to other family members about it?

It's technically still my word against his/theirs.... We're you believed? Or not?

Just after some advice, thanks in advance!

Hello,

I (53m) was molested between the ages of 7-9. My mom had a male friend who was wanting to take me to his cabin. She thought i needed a positive male role model. When we got to his cabin, he would have me dress in girls clothes and informed me I was his girlfriend while we were at the cabin.

He also had me do the things that you would imagine a girlfriend doing. This went on for a few years. It got to the point that I liked it, and looked forward to it. I remember being upset when he was no longer around.

Fast forward to now, I am constantly having dreams about it and I wake up aroused. It is so confusing. Thank you for listening.

I don't really know how to explain. I mean, he's always been my best friend and the one person I can turn to no matter what but I just don't understand why so much has changed.

Ever since it started he keeps telling me how much he needs me and does things that make me feel so confused all the time. And I've tried to tell him it's all too much and that it's really overwhelming for me but then he says what a good job I'm doing and that I've been helping him so much. He always works so hard and does his best for me all the time so I really try my best to be there for him too.

I just love my dad so much and don't want to lose what we've always had but it's so different to the way things used to be. I really don't know what I'm supposed to think anymore.

So, when I was younger I had a lot of issues wetting the bed. Constantly had UTIs n stuff and my mom got angry with me so she started "Wetness checks", basically shoving her hand down my pants and underwear and fondling me to check. She made my dad and brother do it. It was done when I was with friends, in public, school, everywhere. She just said she had to be sure and it was for my best interest.

I’m very sensitive. My boyfriend likes to rough house and slap my ass and do physically unpredictable things to have fun or mess with me. It makes me guarded because I don’t want to be touched or startled like that. Then when he wants to get intimate, it is the last thing I want to do. I don’t want any of that unpredictability.

He won’t listen to me, tells me he should be allowed to have fun, and tells me I need to figure it out. That I’m suppressing him. I feel like I’m putting up with sex at this point because he’s constantly unpredictable and I don’t get listened to when it comes to how I’m ok with being touched.

We love each other very much but I’m not able to change how I feel about how I want treated. I cant seem to figure out how to get him to care. I don’t know how to fix the issue. And no the answer isn’t breaking up.

Years ago I think I was basically molested or whatever you call it in a fitting room at a store. Now that I’m a teen and I understand more, and it’s been on my mind a long time, I’m not sure if I should ever tell someone. I thought the thoughts would go away but hasn’t.

I was never a normal person. I wonder if im the only one