The tinnitus and sound sensitivity is killing me, i cant stand this anymore. I might off my self, please tell me there is any hope of treatment for this stuff

It takes every single ounce of willpower I have not to use psychedelics again. I feel such disgust admitting it, but I definitely have addictive tendencies. I’d only been using psychedelics for six weeks, and in that time, I managed to go through 5 tabs and 4 2C-B pills, all on separate occasions.

Even after going through this god-awful disorder, I can’t stop using drugs. I’ve been using weed heavily every day for around 3 weeks now. I take drugs in the middle of the school day or I drink. I literally can’t stay sober. All I think about is drugs, even ones I haven’t tried yet. MDMA and ket are on my mind 24/7. I just need the relief, a relief that weed and drinking don’t give me.

I feel like I’m getting so close to the point where I give up and start taking shit that will almost definitely make my HPPD worse, and it makes me feel so stupidly shitty.

What feels worse is that I don’t want help. For context, I’m messed up mentally, I have an ed, I sh, and I have really random, significant waves of heavy depression where I lose any and all will to live. Every day feels like I’m walking through a swamp with a dozen alligators gnawing at my feet, dragging me down.

But I don’t want help. It makes me feel so alienated from myself. The idea of being judged by doctors and my parents for all this stuff I’ve kept secret for so many years makes me feel so pathetic, so feeble.
Even writing this, I have no clue what I want to gain from it. Pity? Empathy? Help?