I was 23 when I realized having children was choice and probably not for me. I’m now 36 and my husbands 43. I told my husband early I didn’t want kids and we’ve lived our lives the past 10 years as if we weren’t having them.

One of my parents died this past winter and I’m now baby crazy. I went through this when they first became sick but it was much easier to brush off. Now, we’re both seriously considering a child

I still don't think I would love parenting a kid (I have a of childcare experience). But I adore babies, get along well with teens and I think would adore being a parent to an adult. I’m also hoping going into this being like it’s not going to be my fave, will set me up for being presently surprise.

Anyone who went from an absolute no to now being a parent, I would love to know… has it been worth it?

Why have a kid? I’ve always known I wanted a life partner; someone who understands you, loves you, experiences life with you. I’ve always known I wanted a pet; there’s few things cooler (to me) than spending some of life with an individual of a different species. Why have a kid? What does that do that is meaningful and worth doing? For background: I was nine when I got a younger sibling and immediately stepped in to look after her. Found it frustrating and annoying and couldn’t wait to leave the family home. I’m now spending a bunch of time with my friends’ kids and while it is a hoot and super fun to get to know these tiny humans, the thought of being responsible for one just fills me with dread and stress. What am I missing? I’m also autistic so spelling this out for me will actually help massively. What’s the point? Im asking these questions because we live in a place where having kids seem amazing (for the kid) and I am clueless as to my own emotions about this.

I'm 23M, had a potential lifelong love end over our fence sitting. My ex 23F leaned toward not wanting kids. I feel like if i want to proceed with my dating life, i need to reflect on this a lot more. Inviting advice and insight.

We ended because we were both on the fence but she was leaning towards a strong no because of career, and worries about motherhood being too much for her, and she has always not liked it when men said they want kids. .I was leaning towards a strong yes. and i feel like i want to work through my reasons for and not for wanting kids.

I feel like i want kids because, * I have volunteered with babysitting kids at a playschool as a teenager, and liked the feeling of being responsible and needed, but i really don't want to base my decision on it. * I have always liked the idea of mentoring and teaching. * The idea of raising a good human being, passing down good values and giving unconditional love to someone that really needs it sounds very meaningful. and kids are people who really need it.

I have wrestled with the antinatalist argument, and i feel like i am ambivalent about it and i can understand the argument. But i see the answer to that is adoption, to satisfy the need of wanting to take care of and raise someone, and i am completely on board with that.

And i feel like my desire doesn't come from a need for bio kids, more from a place of wanting to nurture a life.

Reasons I'm on the fence about the idea of kids, * PPD and career pressures for my potential partner. * A feeling of being settled when i'm not ready enough. * I would want to be extremely well settled financially. * I was raised in a patriarchal society and have a lot of patriarchy to unroot, and i'm not sure if i will by the time i am old enough to have a kid. Would i share the load of parenting equally ? Would i be a good partner ? etc. * I struggle with anxiety and i'd want to properly have worked through it before i even think of raising someone. * I sometimes think that is society asymmetric, when it comes to the idea of parenting, the motherhood penalty. * I sometimes wonder if it is a patriarchal desire to even want kids. * I wonder if i only want kids because of conditioning through society and being raised in a patriarchal society

But some part of me feels like my desire feels immature, and i feel like i'm being very romantic and idealistic about the idea of kids, and that i ended the relationship on such shaky ground, that too this young in life.

I tried pitching the idea of being fence sitters together, for a short while and talk about it, and that didn't sit right with her, so we decided to end it.

When I think of having kids, I only see kids in my early thirties, and not anytime sooner, and I've always thought I'd be in a one and done type relationship. But i don't know if I'm really idealizing the idea of being a parent or this is a valid desire.

How do i know that my desire to have a kid is legitimate, good and valid, and not just a fantasy

I really feel like I don't have a framework to think about all this. So all of this is making me truly question my entire position on this, and any insights, pointers, or advice would truly help