I was heavily addicted to cocaine for about 6 years and suffered enormously.

I tried every kind of therapy imaginable, but none of them lasted longer than a month at most.

The retreats are extremely expensive, and I couldn't come up with 5,000 € all at once. So I thought: rather than not do it at all, I'll do it alone. That was yesterday, when I took it, after a very long time of thinking it over.

I wouldn't recommend anyone do this alone, because you can barely walk and can't see properly. I advise you against it.

I told myself: "Okay, I don't want to live like this, and if I die, so be it."

I took iboga as a total alkaloid . The effects set in after about 20 minutes, and right after that you have to throw up. Then everything happens very fast: you get nervous and start shaking. You can't tell whether you're cold or hot, and it gets more intense over time. Your heart races much faster than with cocaine. After 2 hours the full effect had kicked in for me, and it was intense. I thought I was alone and dying because I had done something wrong.

You start to hallucinate easily and can't keep your eyes open, your eyelids are very heavy. With your eyes closed, you see moments from your childhood. I saw myself as a baby, along with moments I had actually lived through. In that moment I realized I had suffered a very serious trauma, and that iboga would heal it.

I also kept repeating the name "iboga" over and over in my mind.

The trip is very emotionally painful, but somehow also not. You know that something is happening that is good.

At one point, with my eyes closed, I thought I could see what's behind the eyeball, inside the brain. My subconscious projected a shadow in which a parasite was being pulled out of my brain with tweezers, and I knew I was being deeply healed.

You also have to go to the toilet very often. During the 6 hours of the strong trip I went three times, and each time a lot came out. No idea, weird.

All the time you have images in your head that are like puzzles being solved. They make no sense, but somehow you know something is happening.

I also heard a humming the whole time. I thought it was a bee, but it was inside my head. You also feel a tingling in your head, like ants crawling around in it.

After about 8 hours the strong trip is over. You're dazed and in a very reflective phase, thinking and thinking. It feels like talking to yourself, but this time you understand yourself. As if before you had only spoken in a broken way or in a foreign language, and now you articulate yourself clearly and understand it too.

So yes, I made it through, and I'm glad to finally know for sure that I'm clean. I don't recommend taking it alone. But these retreats want far too much money, and some people simply can't afford it.

Okay, thanks for reading this far. I wish you all a good evening. I'm going to rest now. If you have questions, ask.

PS: I translated this with AI.

That’s how I’ve been feeling about the medicine lately, not sure if it’s my ego taking over or if that’s a natural thing that’s part of the journey with the medicine

I had a headache post ceremony so took excedrin the following afternoon after talking to the retreat facilitator. I am drinking again in the next 30 hours. Now I’m googling about it and worried it’s dangerous. Thoughts?

I (24m) am feeling all sorts of feelings right now so I am posting this here. She (22F) also uses reddit so I'll be changing some of the facts to be more anonymous lol.

I recently went on a backpacking trip throughout Central America for about a month as a result of feeling like nothing in my life was in my control. I didn't like my job or my living situation but I have had a very comfortable and amazing woman by my side for the last 3 years. We would see each other nearly every day and this trip I just felt like I needed to do it alone. Which turned out to be a great choice since I seemed to open up A LOT more talking with locals (I speak Spanish thankfully) and other tourists. I end up getting the opportunity to do a 7 day ayahuasca retreat (3 Ceremonies) for cheap and decide to do it aside from the insane amounts of fear I had since I already did it before when I was 16.

Seeing myself open up so much and being so happy I start thinking that maybe I just need to be alone. I felt so much growth and when I did ayahuasca, what was shown to me wasn't really helpful in deciding that (who would've figured). But now that I am back I feel myself having that post-trip depression and I fully open up to my girlfriend about the things that I realized I was unhappy with in our relationship. Although with much reception, I still can't seem to shake off the feeling that I need to be alone. And of course, in all fairness to her, she doesn't deserve the pain she is feeling as a result of these conversations. In all honesty, I am very mad at myself because she is the ideal partner, all she has ever done is support me and I realize I have only hurt her these past few weeks. I forgot to mention I left on the trip 2 days after I decided I was going to do it, felt like a mid-life crisis lol.

And now it seems like we're nearing a break up. But I can't tell if it's the right decision, I have meditated, journaled, prayed, etc. and nearing this decision I can't feel confident in what I am doing. Sometimes I wish I had a little voice in my head or just something to yell at me what is the correct choice. And maybe I do have that little voice and that's why it's coming to this lol. So question is to other people who have had a similar experience, how was it for you?

Curious if anyone has experience with Aya while taking Finasteride for hair loss. I have not seen it listed on any lists of contraindicated medicines. I also have not been able to find much discussion on it in general.
Any insight would be appreciated.

people talk a lot about ceremony nights, but the month after coming home is where things usually get messy. that honeymoon phase fades, old routines creep back in, and regular life doesn't care that you had a profound realization.

aside from the generic "journal and meditate" advice, what was a tangible, daily shift you made that prevented you from slipping right back into old patterns?

Hey I just want to know if I can go to Spain to remove black magic/negative entity with ayahuasca ?
Anyone has any experience in this?
Please help
And no I’m not mentally ill.

Some pains break you, others quietly teach you what you've been avoiding. Not all suffering is meaningful, and not every ache deserves a crown. Discernment matters: Am I being harmed, or asked to grow beyond my current self? Growth often feels like shedding a skin that used to fit. The point isn't to romanticize pain, but to stop fleeing every discomfort and recognize when truth is simply waking us up.

I would like to ask for your opinion. Three years ago, I attended a three-night Ayahuasca ceremony. I didn't experience visions as typically described in other people's experiences. The first night brought nothing, the second night I felt a very beautiful experience, and the third night was filled with severe anxiety, with no insights on any of the three nights. When the ceremony ended, on the bus ride back home, I began having thoughts that I was Jesus, that my parents were Joseph and Mary, and that my female friend was Mary Magdalene. After speaking with the shaman, he told me that this was just the mind. Those thoughts settled down somewhat, but they kept recurring. The next day at college, I started thinking that others were caught in the matrix and the mind, and I entered a relationship with a girl whom I believed to be Mary Magdalene.

I had an immense amount of energy—I started renovating my apartment, working in the garden, gathering herbs, and waking up at 6 AM just so I could work. I began to think that repeating numbers like 666 and 777 held hidden meanings, and that everything around me carried a secret message. In my relationship, I projected my flaws onto my girlfriend, unconsciously manipulated her, and blackmailed her that I would leave if she didn't change. I started giving everyone advice on what they should do. This lasted for three months, until thoughts returned that I should become a shaman, followed by a breakup when people realized I was in psychosis. I fell into a severe depression, where SSRIs and antidepressants were unsuccessfully prescribed—they actually increased my restlessness—until a few months ago when I started taking mood stabilizers, which have made me much calmer.

​I am curious to know whether I am a narcissist or if this was a bipolar episode with psychotic features."

I participated in the ceremony twice (two days) about three or four years ago. During the ceremonies I didn't see or feel anything. I had no visions I didn't lose my consciousness, didn't vomit. Basically I drank the medicine and spent the night paying attention to every sound and everything happening in the ceremonial room both nights. Because of that I assumed that the plant did not work on me. I remember my fellow participants sharing their experiences after the ceremonies and I would think "wow, what did you guys drink? It was a little disappointing for me. Not that I was expecting a miraculous experience but... nothing at all?

However as time went by I began to notice something different in myself. It was like starting to feel that life had a new meaning. I started feeling happier and more grateful with for my life for what I have and also for what I had lost. I see life from a different perspective now.

And this I have told it's not a few months process It's something I started noticing about a year after the two ceremonies and I still see little changes in my life everyday. I feel more conscious of my actions and try to always act with a purpose in mind. I strive to focus more on my life and on everything that enriches it.

I took quite a bit to start noticing my the integration process but since I did it hasn't stopped.

There are experiences that don’t stay in your memory as “just another story,” but as a luminous crack when reality starts to breathe differently. For me, ayahuasca wasn’t only an inner journey. It felt like the world and the way I look at it fell apart for a moment and then reassembled with a deeper density.
Before this experience, I thought truth was something you find outside: answers, ideas, theories, agreements. Ayahuasca led me to a place where truth isn’t something you search for like you’d search for a piece of information. Truth is revealed as a quality of being. It wasn’t an intellectual discovery; it moved through my skin, my nervous system, my emotions until it became impossible to see life with the same lenses as before.

I can’t say I found a “truth” in the literal sense: a final definition, a definitive sentence that closes the search. But I can say this: I encountered what feels like a universal truth an intense, lived impression that everything is connected, that nothing is truly isolated, and that consciousness my consciousness, everyone’s, life’s itself is not as separate as ordinary perception makes it seem.
From that moment on, life stopped being only a story. It became a sacred phenomenon: consciousness expressing itself through forms. And even though it might sound exaggerated, the word exaggerated lost its meaning there, because inside that space the real didn’t feel opposed to the infinite. It felt like part of the same family.
The “everything” doesn’t arrive with words it arrives with presence
In many people’s imagination, deep experiences come as “messages”: sentences, revelations, instructions. In my case, the most important thing wasn’t what I “heard” (if anything like that happened at all). The decisive thing wasn’t the content. It was the type of understanding.
It felt like the mind stopped being the protagonist. The mind full of anxiety, the need to categorize, the compulsion to organize chaos to feel safe became a tool. But the center of gravity shifted.

What appeared was presence. Not a human voice. Not an idea. A sensory certainty: something was happening within me and at the same time through me as if life used me for an instant to understand itself.
In that state, I understood a paradox I couldn’t hold before: truth doesn’t always show up as something you formulate. Sometimes it’s something you recognize. And you recognize it in a way that doesn’t depend on intellect. You recognize it the way you recognize an emotional truth: you feel it before you describe it.
The “everything” wasn’t a concept it was an experience of belonging
When I talk about “everything,” I don’t mean “everything is a nice spiritual idea.” I mean I felt continuity. Coherence. A real bond between my thoughts and the outer world, between my emotions and the fabric of the world, between pain and its potential transformation.
What was deepest about the “everything” was belonging.

I had always lived at least emotionally with a subtle distance, as if I were slightly outside of life, as if I were somehow over the world instead of in it. Even when things looked fine from the outside, inside I maintained that distance. In the experience, that distance became visible not as blame, but as a loving diagnosis.
And then something happened that I still struggle to write without it sounding overly poetic: I felt there was no real separation. I felt as if the universe wasn’t watching me from the outside. I felt invited to remember that I am part of something larger.
It was a kind of unity that doesn’t erase individuality. It repositions it. The experience wasn’t “I no longer exist.” It was: “I exist differently than I ever noticed before.” As if identity stopped being a rigid boundary and became a current, a trace within an ocean.
When the mind breaks, it doesn’t leave only chaos it leaves truth
One thing not enough people say clearly: these experiences can be intense not only because of the beauty of what appears but also because of the uncovering. Like the things you were holding onto without realizing it suddenly lost their solidness.

In my case, what emerged seemed to come in layers: memories, emotions, patterns. Not “in order,” but as if everything was under the same light and that light didn’t tolerate lies.
I saw my mechanisms. I saw my defenses. I saw the way I protected myself with explanations. I saw how my personal story worked as a script I thought was “me,” when in truth it was a mask with functions.
Then I understood something essential: a great part of separation doesn’t come from external facts. It comes from an internal dynamic. It comes from the need for the world to guarantee safety, from the fear that the past will repeat, from the belief that pain might return knocking at the door. That need is human and it has a cost. It closes you.
In the experience, another truth appeared: we aren’t made for control. We’re made for relationship.
Pain didn’t vanish it changed its place
If you’re looking for a narrative where everything becomes “peace” afterwards, I would lie if I presented it literally. There were moments that stirred things up. There were stretches where the body and mind weren’t ready to release control so quickly.
But even then something transformative happened: the pain started revealing its function.

Ayahuasca didn’t make it “beautiful.” It didn’t romanticize it. It placed it. It gave it context. It moved it away from being a perceived final judgment and turned it into a stage evidence that there was something to understand, to heal, to integrate.
The universal and the personal didn’t contradict each other. They met.
What I “learned” wasn’t a theory it was a way of seeing
The deepest part wasn’t that a universal truth stayed floating as an idea. It became a way of looking.
Afterwards, I began to perceive things with a different quality:
a sensitivity toward subtle things,
less automatic judgment,
more awareness of the link between what I feel and what I think,
and a more honest humility: it felt like my viewpoint wasn’t a law anymore, but one perspective among others.
I didn’t suddenly become perfect. And the world didn’t suddenly become easy. It was more like the world stopped feeling hostile. From outside, that difference might seem small. Inside, it’s enormous.
Because when separation weakens, fear loses fuel. And when fear loses fuel, love stops being only an idea and becomes a real capacity: the ability to be present without fleeing, to respond instead of react, to hold the human without turning it into a sentence.
Integration: the ceremony no one cheers for
If there’s something I learned, it’s this: the ceremony doesn’t end when the session ends.
Integration is where you see whether the experience was only a trip or a real calling. Integration is hard because it brings you back to routine: your emotional triggers, your habits, your old ways of defending yourself.
That’s where the inner work begins: translating what you saw into a different way of living.
In my case, integration didn’t mean repeating spiritual phrases. It meant observing:
the need to always be right,
the urgency to solve everything immediately,
the impulse to control the future,
and the tendency to judge myself harshly when life doesn’t respond “the way it should.”
Universal truth, I learned, is proven in everyday life. Not in the peak moment of the experience. Not in the story. It’s proven in how you breathe when no one is applauding. In how you treat others when your ego isn’t being fed. In how you choose differently even when you want to go back to what’s familiar.
What “universal” means: not the same for everyone, but beyond division
I want to be careful here, because the word “universal” can be dangerous if it’s used to impose.

For me, universal didn’t mean everyone must share the same vision or the same story. It meant there’s something in common in what we are: a relationship with consciousness, with life, with mystery.
The universal wasn’t a doctrine. It was a felt-root experience: the world isn’t only made of matter. It’s also made of meaning. And meaning doesn’t come only from your thinking. It comes from the way consciousness relates to reality.
That’s why after ayahuasca, many things lost their dramatic intensity not because they became meaningless, but because I stopped living as if I were alone against the universe.
A respectful invitation (no promises)
If you’re reading this and you feel curiosity or hope or questions, I would say this with heart and responsibility: these experiences are powerful. They can be healing, yes—but they can also stir up trauma and destabilize some people.
So it’s not about “going to chase magic.” It’s about going with respect, with care, with mature intention, and—if applicable—with professional support or serious guidance.
I can’t guarantee you will find universal truth the way I did. But I can tell you what happened in me: for a moment, the universe felt close. Like it wasn’t far away.
What remains after all this
I didn’t keep a perfect sentence. I kept a direction.
I kept the sense that life isn’t a cold mechanism, but a living expression of consciousness trying to know itself. I kept a constant invitation to return to the present. I kept a less performative, more honest compassion. I kept the humility of accepting that the mind will never be the absolute owner of what’s real.
And above all, I kept this: even when the experience fades with time, a spark remains in the way I look.
As if I understood, without needing to prove it, that universal truth isn’t something you own. It’s something you can remember: that separation is a form of perception—not the complete reality

Was wondering how preparation of Yopo seeds works?

During my Aya ceremony, I was recieved this information:
-there is no such thing as soulmates
-I choose my “soulmate”
-I will date multiple people but nothing will last forever. Every relationship is impermanent and it is meant to be so.
-I will experience and learn lessons from each person I date but there is no “the one.”

Has anyone else experienced the same thing as me?

Hello,

We are conducting a study exploring how psychedelic experiences relate to mental and emotional processes, particularly in the context of early-life adversity.

We are interested in understanding how past life experiences may shape psychedelic journeys, insights, and psychological outcomes. The goal is to contribute to scientific knowledge in psychology and neuroscience, and to help inform safer and more supportive approaches to psychedelic use and research.

The survey itself is very quick (no longer than 10 minutes!) and there is a prize raffle of £50 for the winner, this being in the form of an amazon voucher.

🍄‍🟫✨Psychedelic Experiences and Early-life Adversity

If you have any questions or feedback, please feel free to let us know!
[marco.bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:marco.bocchio@durham.ac.uk)
[giammarco.di-gregorio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:giammarco.di-gregorio@durham.ac.uk)

Ethics approval was granted by the Durham University Psychology Department, and there's an info sheet at the start of the survey with all the details.

To contact the ethical approval board, you can write to: psychology.ethics@durham.ac.uk.

Requirements: 18+, English-speaking

I'm more than happy to answer any questions about the study or our broader research and motivation. You can write to me at: marco.bocchio[at]durham.ac.uk.

This survey has been approved by the moderators

please let me know how it can be made using the two products I have in my cart. Do I need anything else, or have I selected the wrong products? Please help.

Hallo

Ich habe Ibogain TA 65% 3 Gramm bestellt

Ich möchte eine Flood-Dosis machen, aber ich habe keinen Trip-Setter

Glaubst du, ich kann das alleine zu Hause machen?

Ps Trip report https://www.reddit.com/r/Ayahuasca/s/DYhKL4H3zt

I remember when I went to my first ceremony 14 years ago I had no idea what to expect. I went into it fully trusting, no fear, and no idea what I was getting myself into. I was given a megadose and had the most beautiful of experiences. The next one was darker but so healing.

I have not taken ayahuasca in over 10 years and have since had children and my life has so drastically changed- more stress, more responsibilities and an overall older body. I’d love to revisit the medicine because I feel it so dramatically changes my life, however, after reading so many horror stories, I am honestly terrified. I’d just be walking into it with so much more baggage and I’m afraid I would be one of these horror stories. But then I think if I had been on this Reddit thread back then and it was what it is now, I might not have ever done it.

Does anyone else feel like all the scary stories on here might be scaring people off and wish we could go back to the days before we had way too much information at our fingertips? The days when we got advice and learned through spoken words and real life experience? I know there are benefits to technology but I mostly just feel like it’s all too much.

I’d like it to be available in UK-Romania (Europe)
I also have telegram

I have been facilitating ayahuasca retreats since 2010. The one thing I’ve seen again and again is that everyone gets a deeply personal experience. Whether you believe it or not, we’re working with spirits, and these doctor spirits seem to understand what each person needs at this specific moment in their life. I have no explanation for it. My personal belief is that psychedelic plants are gifts from God to help humans grow.

Because of that, there is zero value in comparing your experience to anyone else’s. Whatever you’ve read about “the ayahuasca experience” almost certainly won’t match yours. That doesn’t mean reading trip reports is useless. They give you a broad landscape of what’s possible. But they won’t tell you what will happen to you.

The mind wants to understand, categorize, and predict. That instinct won’t help you here. You’ve probably heard the cliché “you get what you need, not what you want.” Think about what that can mean. Your most basic assumptions about who you are may be called into question. Do you really want your identity questioned? Do you want a mirror held up that says, “Hey, in THIS situation, you are a complete asshole”?

The opposite happens, too. Many people have no idea how wonderful they truly are. I’ve witnessed people at the end of a ceremony, crying tears of joy and wonder as they experience, perhaps for the first time, the profound beauty of who they really are.

Your journey will be your own. In my experience, one ceremony rarely shows the full picture. The process usually unfolds over several, which is why most Amazonian retreats run at least four.

Do you believe that holistic medicine practices, such as Ayahuasca ceremonies, run counter to traditional religious beliefs or can they be considered as complementary on the healing process?

Clones came from two phenotypes. I was shocked at how different the two trees were in terms of thorns. Both had thorns, but the one was more of a rose bush. I don't know what that means exactly in terms of root quality. I'm guessing nothing.

Something that I noticed was that when it started raining, I could straight smell the medicine. It was wild.

Arizona seed grown by my buddy. It was originally in a huge wooden container and the roots broke through the bottom into the Earth. We had to use a sawzall to cut through them in order to move it. When the blade sawed through it, smoke was produced from the friction. I stuck my nose there and took a big whiff.... My brain tingled for a second and you just knew it was active.

Question: since these clones came from a mature plant, will the rootbark be active from the start? I have always heard that they need years to become active but is that an internal thing that comes with age or is it just the age of the roots? That may be confusing but what I'm think about is taking clones from a mature mother weed plant; you can get them to flower right away. No seed grown plant could flower at that size but since it's a clone, you're all good.

My goal is to grow my own MH and Syrian Rue for a very special aya ceremony.

I grow a caapi liana in my small yard and I am about to join a circle in 9 days, I was wondering about making caapi leaf tea as a part of the preparation process (I also do some kind of diet before that and mind my habits)in order to have the body get used to plant, spiritually.
Is that a good idea? Would love to hear some thoughts.

I’m not looking for any effect, I understand that the brew is not done with leafs and should combine more plants in order to be active.
I just would like to start a ‘relationship’ with the plant as this is my first ceremony in 6 years.

Tengo mucha curiosidad de saber que experiencia han tenido ustedes? Le ha gustado los cambios que han tenido y lo volverían hacer la ayahuasca?

Between personal accounts, documentaries, and social media, it’s easy to build a very specific picture: having visions, finding answers, or experiencing a moment that changes everything.
I wonder if those expectations can become a source of pressure. As though something extraordinary has to happen for the experience to feel meaningful, or someone else’s story becomes the standard we judge our own experience against.
How do you find the balance between learning about ayahuasca before a ceremony and creating a script for what you expect to happen?
I’d be interested to hear which expectations you let go of and what you wish someone had told you beforehand.