I’m 24F and have strictly set my age preference to 24–28, yet somehow 30+ men keep sending me requests. 😭 Like, sir, the filter is right there. Can you not read, or do you genuinely think it doesn’t apply to you?
I’m specifically filtering for my preferred age range, so why am I still getting requests from men who are clearly outside it? And some of these men are well into their 30s acting like age preferences are merely suggestions.
Girls, is this happening to you too? Is there an actual way to block these unwanted applications, or do these apps just let anyone ignore your filters? 😂

Btw I’m using Bharat Matrimony and newbie to these apps, guidance needed pls

29M met a 26F via an arranged marriage setup. The date went nice.

I felt we aligned to all the other aspects like family background, career orientation, finances, living with parents, kids etc.

We didn't align on one thing which is travelling. She likes to travel a lot with her group of friends. And they go for stay's to various places.. Btw I hate travelling tbh. Not an outgoing person myself.

She mentioned she has a big group which also includes boys. So she was like after marriage if me and my parents would allow her to travel. And her husband should trust her and not feel insecure about this.

I would allow her cause trust is the foundation but yes I won't deny that i would feel insecure about this slightly

I'm a 26F talking to a guy for an arranged marriage. He's very social and enjoys travelling, while I'm not much of a travel person, though I'm open to trying it and might enjoy it.

He says he should be able to go on a week long trip alone with a female friend, even after marriage, and that I shouldn't have a problem with it as long as he maintains boundaries and remains loyal.

I feel uncomfortable with the idea and believe it's better not to create situations that could lead to emotional attachment in the first place.

Am I being insecure or is this a reasonable boundary? like to hear perspectives from women, both single and married

28M
I entered AM process about 1.5 years back. I had all desire, motivation to find a partner and build a meaningful life with so many dreams and expectations.

First few matches didn’t go past 1-2 dates. All rejected from my side, I was looking for the one but I was relaxed and still full of that desire and motivation.

Finally met someone with whom everything clicked, same case was with her too as she told me, first 3-4 months she gave me all attention and love and we involved parents, basic formalities happened, things started moving, we were about to have roka and then suddenly she lost interest and started pulling back. I spent next 2-3 months putting all efforts to save the relation but nothing worked and she informed rejection.

I had started genuinely imagining a life with her.
It ended.

Since then something has shifted. I still intellectually want a partner, marriage, and a happy life with someone. But the actual motivation and emotional drive for it has disappeared. I can’t picture myself building a life with anyone. The idea of companionship, shared future, or even the effort of getting to know someone new just feels empty and pointless right now.

Before her, the idea of finding a partner and building something carried a natural pull. Now that pull only seems to exist in the direction of the future that already ended.

TLDR;

Had a serious long AM courtship that ended. Want a partner but can’t picture it with anyone else after her. can’t envision building a life with anyone else - or the same way I was feeling before meeting her . Looking for real advice from people who’ve been here.

I'm a 28 year old guy from a business background from Mumbai, and I'm going to meet a girl (28F) this Saturday through an arranged marriage setup.

Honestly I'm a little nervous because I have never really been in this situation before, and I have no idea what to expect or how to approach the meeting.

For those of you who have been through arranged marriage meetings, or are married now, I would really appreciate some advice. I would love to hear from both men and women here, because I feel both perspective s would really help me

A few things I'm wondering about:

1. How should I start the conversation without making it feel like an interview?

2. How do I make her feel comfortable and keep the conversation flowing naturally?

3. How do I figure out whether we genuinely connect or are just being polite to each other .

4. What mistakes should I avoid?

5. What topics should I talk about?

6. What are some green flags or red flags I should look out for ?

7. How to handle awkward silences ?

8. If the meeting goes well and we both seem interested in getting to know each other, how do I bring up exchanging phone number or social media ids. Or would it be better to exchange number before leaving or let our families coordinate?

9. How do I end the meeting gracefully, whether or not I feel a connection.

10. What are some things women appreciate when meeting a guy for the first time in an AM setup?

I know one meeting isn't enough to judge an entire person, and I'm not expecting some movie style connection. I just want to approach this the right way, have good conversation,and make sure she feels as comfortable as I do.

So please share your experiences, tips , do's and don'ts,. Any advice big or small would genuinely help a guy or a girl who's walking into this for the first time.

Thank in advance to everyone who takes the time to respond 🙏

Hey Guys! I just wanted to know if it's just me or does everyone get attached a little too quickly ? For context I am 27M. I've had a few relationships in the past but none were fruitful. The people I've been with were so emotionless that I lost interest a few months in. Now I'm trying the AM setup, and some people do seem genuinely interested to talk to me. After we had a few long calls/ meetings, I see myself getting attached to them, I think they kinda know it too as everyone seems to back off a bit after a few days. It hurts. Any advice on how do I counter this? Or is it Normal and the right person will show continued interest?

I think many people when they think of sex ratio they think of 947 females per 1000 males data.

But the most important factor influencing the marriage market or dating pool is the sex ratio of unmarried people in the ages range of 20-40!! And here is the data regarding that ::

Age | Unmarried males | Unmarr. females

20–24 7.0% 3.8%

25–29 3.4% 1.1%

30–34 1.0% 0.3%

35–39 0.3% 0.1%

Sum of rounded percentages

11.7% 5.3%

That means there are approximately 2.2 males for every female in the dating pool.

Factors responsible for this::

1. Rampant Female foeticide for many decades

2. The Marriage Squeeze effect that's continuing since decades where men in 30s marry women in 20s so that the sex ratio problem's pressure is transferred to future generations.

Add to that all other factors you guys know which makes a relationship between 2 people very difficult like taboo of love and talking with opposite gender ingrained in a child since childhood, caste, religion, language, unemployment, unrealistic expectations from both sides, dowry, lack of trust of women in men's intentions due to constant harassment since forever, restricted freedom of women, constant phone and privacy monitoring since childhood, fear and duty based guilt in disappointing parents with Love Marriage, brainwashing that you need to have achieved something to deserve love so first focus should be on career, putting boys and girls in separate colleges and schools.......( I can go on and on, but you get the point )

Each of these factors is a tiny effect on its own, but they all together add up like a compounding effect!!

I say, even if all the men worked twice as hard, there would still be unmarried men due to the sex ratio. So I say, forget about marriage and start enjoying your life and pursuing your passions instead of chasing money and destroying your peace of mind!!

This is the only win-win solution in this dystopian state of society given how hard immigration has become!!

Source for the statistics:: https://www.scribd.com/document/840505002/Srs-Stat-2011

Seeing cases like Siya goyal and all I just want to know are arrange marriages becoming dangerous

Hi All,

I am 28 M ( soon 29) and this girls is 30 F.

So for a context , i was talking to this dentist girl for 8 odd months. I earlier posted that we kinda had some tough discussion on finances we thought we won't proceed but somehow we again connected.

So there a friend of mine whom i connected via JS. let name her X and the girl i am talking to is Y (dentist).

So this dentist girl is really scared of extra marital affairs. I told about this girl and others whom i interacted with on JS for rishtas. Y was kinda always reluctant to share about whom she is talking to.

So yesterday i told her i talk to X. She is in IT and works in really good company so generally for guidance i talk to her. Even earlier also i told this to her. Y was like no you like that girl etc etc. Trust me when i say this even i haven't exchanges a romantic reel also with X forget about other conversations.

Now , Y used to flex that she got matches from IIT,IIM combo and kinda similar product based guys rishta . The reason she didn't liked that because they were dominant.

Y says she doesn't have any past. No dating etc but whenever i talk to her she tends compare like your voice resemble me of this colleague.

Now as i told Y never talked about the guys she interacted with but somehow in any conversation which we usually had after mid night she used to say that she regrets her decision of not talking to those guys.

Yesterday, out of blue she made issue of me talking to this girl X and was like i want to talk to her. But i denied because when i told this to X she was like if she calls me i will block u and Y.

Then, she is like u follow girls on Insta and trust me guys i just follow girls whom i know. No fashion model nothing. She me told she has trust issues.

At the same time, she told me from last few days she is talking to a guy with IIT IIM combo.

Now i feel betrayed i didn't talked to few of the prospects because she gave this image that her emotions aren't exhausted and she haven't dated anyone. Same is the case with me.

Also, i feel she want to just give an excuse to end things with me so that she can proceed with this IIT IIM guy.

Feeling really bad and writing this with heavy heart. I kinda feel anxious after such things. she has blocked me from everywhere. I never blocked here from everywhere even in past but it ended yesterday.

Even i consider this as red flag that someone blocks from everywhere and leaves no room of communication.

Now i feel girls who dated in past are really emotionally mature.

I mean at this point I must have spend many lakhs already. I've been looking since I was 28, and all these apps subscription of jeevansaathi, shaadi, hinge, bumble, tinder, aisle I must have spent lakhs by now. Not only subscription I have also paid for so many features so many times like boost or super link and priority messages etc. Even that I also hired match maker from betterhalf, but that experience was horrible. IITIIM also I tried but their subscription cost was very high and I didn't think I want someone who is only coming in just cuz i'm from IIT. Now this knot dating stuff is really picking up. People are saying it's better than the rest of the app, company is already profitable apparently.

Anyone else has any experience? Or should I just go with it?

30M. So, in short, I created profiles on JS/Shaadi about a month ago.

I received two matches on JS. One was a girl I really liked, and her side sent the request first. I tried reaching out, but they never responded. The same thing happened with the other match, where I had sent the request first.

On Shaadi, I received two matches as well. But here I took around two weeks to respond because I was dealing with a personal issue. I apologised for the delayed response when I reached out, but neither of them replied.

My question is: Are these potentially fake profiles, or do people simply not bother responding when they've lost interest ? Should I try contacting them directly on WhatsApp, or is it a lost cause at this point ?

EDIT: Extremely sad to know that its normal.

How common is The guy or girl wants to childfree, or the parents being supportive to being a childfree couples.
How many percent of people chose to be childfree and in the process looking for a partner as to be childfree

Hey peeps! Been reading AM stories here and glad to know I’m not the only one struggling. We’re all in the same boat, just suffering in different cabins. 😂
My parents put up my profile on a matrimonial site, and I handle the account for them.
A girl shortlisted me and first asked about my salary. Fair enough, so I asked what she was expecting from a guy.
She said good salary, ancestral property, and shouldn’t live with parents after marriage.
Then she asked me to share my last 3–4 payslips and recent bank transactions(may be to see any pan dabba transactions to verify smoking/drinking habits)
I asked about her property and what financial support she expected from her parents after marriage. She got offended and said she’d report my profile for asking about dowry.
I honestly have zero interest in dowry. I just thought these questions should work both ways.
She has a master’s degree but isn’t working and doesn’t plan to work either. That’s her choice, no issues, but shouldn’t we discuss these things openly?
Anyway, did I actually mess up by asking that question, or is AM turning into a bank loan application? 😂

I’m 5’11 myself but recently have been growing interest in tall girls. Long legs, shorter torso and a cute face just look like a perfect package to me.

I have seen a few tall girls but they mostly are with someone even taller (6’3 guys). Online, I see tall girlies ranting about the discomfort and negative judgement they receive for being tall but I actually really admire them. But they are very few to begin with. What are the chances that they would see me as a potential match/ partner?

I know this might sound harsh to some people, there are people who absolutely love shorter baddies but these are just my preferences.

What further narrows my pool is that I am a decently high earner. I make 55L+ working a remote job and would like to move to the mountains soon (preferably with my future partner). In this economy, I believe it’s better if both the people in a relationship are working and earning (at least 40% of my income basically 20L+), actively building a wealth portfolio (and saving up) for the uncertain future. I’m not frugal or a miser but extra disposable income definitely helps!

Age: 26M

I don't want kids . But I do want to have a partner.i consider having kids a financial , emotional and traumatic experience. They take away everything and give us back nothing . I don't hate kids . But I just think in this uncertain world , it would be better to not have them . I am quite philosophical. I admire the anti natalism philosophy of arthur schopenhauer.

Are women like this rare ? Can someone help me with this ?

I’m a 23M software engineer. My parents recently received a formal arranged marriage proposal from a girl’s family within our community.

​On Paper: She has an MBA, earns well, comes from a respected family, has a clean past, and is well-mannered. We went to the same school, though we have spoke little.

​I have little physical attraction to her. I am 5'10", and she is around 4’11”–5’2” with a petite frame and brown skin. My natural type is taller (5’5”+), with an athletic/curved build and lighter complexion. I know discussing height/skin tone in 2026 sounds superficial, but the bottom line is there is simply little to None spark or physical pull on my end.

​I know marriage is not just about looks and that finding a lifelong life partner with strong character matters most. But I feel that kind of deep compromise is something people typically consider in their late 20s or 30s when options narrow down. Forcing myself into that mindset at just 23 feels completely premature when I can have more options. (Sorry if my words sound like I am shopping or something, that's not my intention)

In our setup, casual dating isn't an option because families get heavily involved right away. However, I’ve decided to meet her once just to see how it goes in person, but mentally I am still deeply confused and feeling the drag.

​​Parents are nudging hard due to community scarcity, citing guys at 27–28 struggling to find matches. They want me to get engaged now and marry later.

​At 23, I’m grinding on interview prep for high-paying product tech roles and lifting consistently. I don't expect to become a movie star in 2–3 years, but I know my career, fitness, and confidence will be in a much better place. Locking this down at 23 out of panic feels like hitting the brakes before my adult life has even taken off, and it is derailing my daily focus.

​I don't want to regret passing on a good person, but marrying without baseline attraction feels like a direct path to a dead bedroom and quiet resentment—which isn't fair to either of us.

​Questions for the community:

​Is it a mistake to walk away from a "solid on paper" match at 23 purely over physical attraction?

​Does physical attraction actually grow from zero after marriage, or is that wishful thinking?

​How real is the community "scarcity" fear for men in their late 20s who are fit, earning well, and ambitious?

Hi guys, I need some advice on a situation I’m dealing with. Today, I met a girl through an arranged marriage setup for the first time, and honestly, I’m feeling quite confused about the whole situation.

Let me start by giving some background about myself.

I’m 26 years old, originally from a tier-3 city in Uttar Pradesh, and currently working as a software engineer at a tech company in Hyderabad. I earn a decent salary, but I’m also the only earning member of my family right now.

I lost my father at a very young age and since then, my mother has taken care of me and my two elder sisters. One of my sisters is already married, while the other is approaching 31.
I also have a congenital issue with one of my eyes that limits my vision. My other eye is perfectly fine. I don’t qualify for PWD benefits. However, I understand that this condition can make finding a suitable match more difficult in the arranged marriage setup.

One of our relatives suggested this girl to my family. the girls father had already visited our house, and apparently, they liked our house and family.
The girl is 21 years old and currently pursuing Bsc from a college in her village. She’s also preparing for government job examinations in another city, where she stays with her father, who is a government employee in the same city.

Today, I finally met her in person.

We spoke for around 15–20 minutes, and most of our conversation revolved around her education and career.
Honestly, I found her answers quite disappointing. Whenever I asked her about her future plans, she seemed to have no opinions or ambitions of her own.
For example, when I asked whether she wanted to continue studying, she said something along the lines of, “Agar aap padhaoge toh padhungi, nahi toh ghar pe rahungi.”

I asked her whether she wanted to achieve something or establish herself before getting married, and her response was essentially that marriage was going to happen anyway. usko saath saath mein kar lungi. She doesn't seem to be bright either.

I also asked whether she would want to work after marriage. I’m not someone who expects his wife to manage all the household chores alone. I’m perfectly fine with sharing those responsibilities. However, given that I’m currently the only earning member of my family, I’d prefer a partner who has some career aspirations and is willing to contribute financially if possible.
Her response was again along the lines of, “Agar aap karwayenge toh karungi.”

What bothered me was that she seemed to be leaving every decision entirely up to me. I understand that she’s only 21 and might not have everything figured out yet, but I was expecting at least some clarity about what she wants from life.

Another thing I found strange was that she didn’t ask me a single question about myself. I even reminded her multiple times that she could ask me anything she wanted, but she didn’t. The entire conversation was mostly me asking questions and her answering them.
We barely spoke for 15–20 minutes, and I came away feeling that we hadn’t really connected or gotten to know each other.
Interestingly, nobody from her side has even asked about my salary so far. Infact her father is a government employee why they looking for a private job employee for her. I am still not clear about that.

Now comes the actual dilemma.

The girl has apparently said yes to the proposal, and my family is now pressuring me to agree as well.
My mother keeps telling me that finding a suitable match won’t be easy. She will learn and will be a perfect housewife. She also brings up my eye condition that I may not get much matches later on.

The problem is that my mother has already given her word to the other family. In our family, once both sides agree, we usually give some money to the girl as a formal gesture. My mother feels that by delaying my decision, I’m damaging her reputation and embarrassing her in front of our relatives.
I’ve told them that I need some time to think and will give them my decision by tomorrow. Since then, my mother has stopped talking to me.

I’m now stuck between not wanting to hurt my mother and not wanting to make a decision that I might regret for the rest of my life.
I know I might be overthinking things, and perhaps the girl was nervous during our first meeting. After all, 15–20 minutes isn’t enough to understand someone’s personality completely.
But at the same time, I don’t want to agree to a marriage simply because my family is pressuring me or because I’m worried that I might not find another match due to my eye condition.

What should I do in this situation?

I feel like my photos are not good enough.

What do you guys do??

Hire a professional photographer???

Like what should I do

Hey Guys, what are your experiences with matrimony apps ?

A lot of men and women have a lot of distrust these days. Some do not see marriage as partnership and see it as war. Would you feel offended that your partner doesn’t trust you if they hide it from you that they transferred it to third party. Would you feel reassured that this person would stay by your side during illness and bad phases of life? What about children’s future in case some tragedy happens? What happens with one partner faces losses?

I feel people should be open about their finances alongside documentation so that the opposite person knows what they are getting into even if it means disclosing that they have distrust on their future partner

Before you ask, I'm seeking companionship mostly. I've never fallen in love and I feel like I probably won't get to experience it. I feel more lonelier with time and after seeing everyone around me getting married, having kids, I think it's time. My family is considering the typical method, spreading the word. But I don't think I'll find a good match like that. The place I live, people are already calling me old.... Yes it's a backwards place. That's why I'm considering matrimonial sites. I'm not hellbent on caste or salary. I am mostly focused on stuff like personality and a lil bit of looks. Don't flame me but I don't want to stand next to my man and hear stuff like we don't match looks wise. If that makes me a horrible person then so be it. My deal breaker is also language (I'm a Bengali and I'm only looking for a Bengali man)

If you guys have any tips for me, let me know. I'm kind of a noob in these things.

guys 31M Telugu here andhra state, looking for intercaste marriage groups on whatsapp/facebook

parents gone through intercaste marriage 30yrs ago, so finding an alliance is worst i can say, relatives not stepping in to help us in finding an alliance and girls parents are declining the marriage proposals saying that since father is from low caste it will continue to me and their daughter also

PS: to ppl who might suggest to go on matrimony websites fyi I’m there on those sites for more than 3 yrs and none of the requests approved till date. most of the approved ones are fake accounts nor accounts which are not in active state at all. Everyone wants to jump high easily rather than seeing equals.

so yeah bro’s do the needful if you can ! TIA

I(30M) have been talking to a girl(29F) for 5 months now. We have decided to get married in Dec. We went on a trip and ended up having unprotected sex. Then I developed symptoms of herpes. She's asymptomatic. We both got tested and it was positive. I have not had any contact whatsoever apart from her. She had a boyfriend and she has done some kissing with him. Now I'm in a dilemma. I feel stuck with this terrible disease and her. Cant think of anything else when I'm with her. Even if I leave her I have the virus which is permanent. That will make the next process even more difficult with someone else. What do I do? Is it manageable? Will it affect quality of life? Should we inform our families?