(TLDR at the end.)
I am completely lost on what I want to do with my life, what field I want to pursue in the future or what I want to study in college. I know for sure that I will go to university, so taking a year off could really help me explore my options before I commit to something.
I'll be able to experiment a lot with my development, pay serious attention to my hobbies, learn basic life skills, do stuff that I've always wanted to do - make more art, learn a new language, become more comfortable in myself. Though most of my problems are social, and I don't know how I can better myself if I don't meet new people. Hell, I still don't know who I want to be.
The thing is, I am extremely apprehensive about staying at home for a year. I believe staying isolated in my small home town with no friends will start to weigh on me a bit. I have always felt that highschool has stumped my growth due to the close mindedness of people, but my home would be worse. I'll be able to experiment with things on my own in my room, yes, but my family is extremely overbearing and will probably weigh down on my mental health tenfold. I have escaped that toxic environment for a few years living away from home for highschool, but for a gap year I would have to go back. And as I mentioned, all my friends will be leaving for college. There are no good ways for me to meet new people as there is barely anything happening in my town (not to mention I am extremely socially anxious and if I'm not in forced settings like college, I will not talk to anyone).
I come for a country where its socially unfit for teenagers/young adults to do jobs, especially part time jobs like working as a barista or volunteering. (This was something I've been yearning to do but my parents are not allowing me to go to university abroad, I'm still caught up whether I should still try to convince them) No parks, no clubs, no events. I've been waiting to have lived life freely after school but I feel like this will just suck my soul dry. On the other hand there is no way I could rush into deciding a major, especially after I feel incredibly burnt out from school (after studying difficult subjects I hated and 3 continuous years of no summer break because my school can't plan their calendar. also they planned every exam after our breaks so we studied in all our vacations) I think it'll just fully ruin my relationship with academics, something I've been meaning to mend over a year of break. There is also no option for me to travel somewhere or do an internship. My mom was even angry at the idea that I wanted to 'explore' career options or my interests if I take a gap year, and wants me to spend all that time working towards an entrance exam.
It's hard to explain, but it's like my family doesn't see the point of a life existing outside of academics or career success, something which I've been trying to grapple with after some very depressing years at high school.
Any advice or input will be heavily appreciated.
TLDR; if I take a gap year I can learn new stuff, work on my hobbies, and explore my interests. However I can't do internships or jobs, and I'll be socially isolated so I won't be able to work on any social skills. Will have to stay with a toxic family, and stuck at home, weighing down my already precarious mental health. But if I go to university I rush my options, do a major I do not like, double down on my burn out, might feel stuck into a new chapter of my life.