I'm turning a new age this year, and I've been thinking a lot about how isolated I've become. I haven't had any reallife friends in four years... soon to be 5 if this year ends the same way. I've never had a girlfriend or experienced a romantic relationship. I stopped attending in-person school after 9th grade, and since then, my social life has become practically nonexistent.

I rarely go out unless there's a specific reason. When I do leave the house, it's usually to go to a park, and I tend to go early in the morning or at quieter times so there aren't many people around. I'm comfortable being there by myself, but I don't really go out alone to places like stores or other crowded public places.

My mom is one of the main reasons I leave the house, and I usually feel more comfortable going places with her or my older brother. I don't go to parties, social gatherings, or places where I'd have to interact with a lot of people.

I've never been to what people call a "party." I've never been to any school football games or extracurricular activity. I forgot what it feels like to have friends.

The strange thing is that I don't even know how much of this is anxiety, how much is avoidance, and how much has become a habit after spending so long isolated. I've gotten used to being alone, but I also feel like I've missed out on a lot of things people my age experience naturally, like friendships, relationships, and simply having a normal social life.

I've developed a lot of hatred and a lack of empathy. I'm apathetic. I'm so deep into isolation that all I can imagine is dying alone. I can't imagine ever having a girlfriend, yet alone going out with friends. I can't imagine myself being married or ever being important to someone outside of my family.

Im a (25 f) with severe anxiety. Ive had my share of childhood trauma, dad d!ed at 5, a severely traumatized mom who in turn traumatized me etc etc. Ive always been very depressed, i have a bad victim complex (working on it), been in therapy since a child. Been on meds since childhood.

In my teens i experimented with alot of dru&s, particularly booger sugar.

Been sober for at least 10 years now but it definitely did alot of damage to me mentally.

In 2021 i developed agoraphobia. It was completely debilitating. I couldnt leave my room for the first few weeks. I was to scared to take a shower, eat, even breathe. I was scared that if i breathed i would hyperventilate and pass out.

So i would hold my breath until i was almost blue without even realizing it. My mom literally did everything for me during this time.

Fast forward and ive been through alot of exposure therapy, coping mechanisms and was able to return to a fairly normal life with just crippling anxiety.

Ive had ups and downs since then with bursts of panic attacks and thankfully i have a lovely partner who helps me through these times.

Id also like to mention i do have chronic pain issues which im sure is fueled by my heightened anxiety at all times. That has caused some pretty intense health anxiety at times and its a cycle.

im on the highest dose of all my meds and they do work but a few months ago i had a pap smear and passed out and found out i have high risk hpv (common) but i need to go back and get this test where they take a chunk of ur cervix out and test for cancer cells. High risk hpv is what causes cervical cancer. I could have gotten it as a kid or through sex but idk i literally cant go back.

im just terrified of passing out or dying or someone close to me dying. Theres so many things that im scared to say out loud bc im scared i will make that happen. I know everyone says im so strong but tbh i just feel so so weak and like i cant face anything. My confidence is just super low.

None of the coping mechanisms i know or get really truly work. I feel completely out of touch. I feel weak and selfishly i feel like nobody else goes through this but me. I feel like i have it worse then everyone else. ( again with the victim complex) i just feel alone, and like nobody truly understands me. Or that i can face this. Im completely controlled by my fears. And i really dont know at this point if i can get better. It hurts to say that.

Fear completely controls me, if i have any slight pain in my body i start having a panic attack. Like cant move feel like im gonna pass out have to lay down nobody cant talk to me i need ice on my chest and head and a fan on me with bluey or hey bear sensory videos on and i just have to suffer for hours until im to tired and fall asleep its god awful. I can barely drive to walmart or fucking go to work.

I have an intense amount of guilt i carry for not being able to work, or be normal. Its so much on my partner to carry me, and im scared he will get tired of it and i will truly then have nothing. He is a saint and would do anything for me but i know it gets hard for him.

I dont know what to do to get better. I take my meds, go to therapy, eat well, drink water. Stay afloat. But i feel like im drifting further and further away from myself. I dont even know who i am anymore or what i want.

If youve gotten this far.. thanks for listening.

Hi, sorry if anyone can relate to this situation because it’s awful, but am wondering how other people have managed to rebuild their lives?

I ended up having a breakdown after the way I was treated at work, and then sacked for my sickness absence. I’m really struggling to get back on my feet, I’ve got no money but a mortgage to pay, no friends or family around and am struggling to come to terms with the loss of my career that, after this experience, I will never return to. The whole situation makes me so sad, and so angry.

My mental health has been so badly affected, I have no idea how to start again. My confidence is gone, I have panic attacks when I leave the house (which is not very often), I rarely see or speak to anyone, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to find another job in this state.

If anyone has any encouragement or things that have helped them get back on their feet and be able to face going outside again, I’d be really grateful

I am going to be stuck at home the next couple of days, and often I’m home over the weekends. I find myself getting bored easily.

Unfortunately I’ve dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember but from the age of 11 it has caused me to be physically sick countless times (both in public and at home). This has made me more fearful of leaving the house to the point where I can go months without leaving unless it’s a medical appointment (the anxiety/ stress has caused stomach ulcers and other issues that worsen the sickness) and led to me quitting my job from the mental and physical toll.

The last time I was in hospital was about 2 months ago and it was an extremely traumatic time as the Manometry test caused me to gag and throw up after already being sick with fear all day to which I still haven’t recovered from. This next test is another endoscopy so I need a IV put in place which triggers my other fear of needles and that leads to vomiting and passing out. I feel like I’m stuck in an endless loop of being violently ill and no matter how often I try to explain it to medical professionals that it feels like I have permanent flu or food poisoning, they look at me like I’m exaggerating until I genuinely vomit, I’m not sure if I can go through with tomorrow because I don’t think I can even get past the car park of the hospital. The humiliation of being sick and terrified makes me want to crawl into a hole and never leave. If I miss this though I might be taken off the list for help and I’m back to square one and a hell of a lot sicker than I was to begin with, I genuinely already don’t want to leave the house but this is just the most afraid and trapped I’ve ever felt. Not sure what else to do so if there’s any recommendations regarding hospitals or emetophobia please let me know, I’m so tired of the suffering.

Sorry for the rant but thank you if you’ve read it x

Does snyone have any tips or tricks?

Maybe won’t take the position and will try to get a job where the drive isn’t as far need advice from anyone who is currently working and how your symptoms are