My parents are just reaching their 80's and were to spend the day with my 7 year old daughter. Plan after they picked her up was to meet them out for dinner and we'd take our daughter home after.

Wife and I were just running some errands so we picked a place in an area they know well (so we thought)...new place but my wife sent the address link by text to them. We get to the restaurant and they're late. We get a text from them that they are lost and where they say they are is 10 minutes or so away. I really cannot understand how they could have got to where they were based on where the place was. My Mom sends a half written text (unfinished, which made the situation more weird) and as we're sitting there my wife and I start getting worried for our daughter since she's in the car with them. We call them and I ask my Dad to park in a parking lot near a place he definitely knows.

I was really worried about the interaction with them getting emotional or out of hand so my wife got out of the car and nicely told them we were just going to skip dinner and go home.

I'm now home and pretty shell shocked about what happened. I knew my Mom has been declining quite a bit but this is an area they know well. Admittedly they did not know the restaurant but I'm not sure how they could have ended up so far away.

I really didn't know how to react so luckily my wife kind of took control. I just didn't want to turn it into an embarrassing thing but I didn't see how we could have dinner at that point. My Dad gets easily flustered and we always try to think three steps ahead for him but other than sending a hot link address I'm not sure what we could have done other than to just drive them there.

My parents are the type that have always complained about everything anyway. When we drive my SUV is too high to get in. If we took my wife's car it would be too crowded. It's just kind of how that generation seems to be and they are no exception. I certainly love them but their comfort zone is about the size of a quarter and between that and just not being able to think all the moves ahead, getting together with them for anything is stressful.

I'm not sure I'm asking for advice or just venting at this point but today was both eye opening and pretty sad.

My family is in a bit of an uproar because of my mom‘s recent fall. It is demonstrating the dynamics of a long marriage where dad always called the shots and Mom went along.

Question: how do I get my injured mom into an independent living situation when my father is hostile to the idea and making everybody miserable in the process?

My mom incurred a slight break to her pelvis and ended up in rehab. She’s home now, but she doesn’t have access to the shower because it’s on the second floor of the condo. My siblings and husband and I have found an independent living apartment where she could recover and have some services available to her, along with some much-needed social activities – my mom is very friendly and outgoing. Short term, even if she just stayed there for six months, she could shower and enjoy some social interaction.

My dad is refusing to relocate, even temporarily. He seems to be fine with Mom sleeping on a hard, narrow couch with a broken pelvis, thinking that she is going to recover quickly. It seems likely that she is not going to recover fully, because she has been physically declining for a long time. She uses a walker, but it’s a struggle, and we can see her suffering. Dad is increasingly frustrated and hostile about moving, but I honestly think it’s because he’s afraid of losing his independence. He is also declining physically and needs help. Ideally, it would be great if they could just live there permanently, but that remains to be seen. They are both doing fine mentally.

We are trying to be supportive, but dad is being so irrational. He’s clearly afraid, but this comes out as hostility. He blames my mom, blames us, and tries to think of any excuse not to move. We have removed all the barriers we can think of to get them to a place where they can have their privacy, but also have access to care if they need it. Mom, meanwhile, is miserable because she feels that she is caught in the middle and that this is all her fault, even though I keep reminding her that she’s injured and that is not her fault!

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been a part of.

I’m 30, my parents are 75F and 82M. I posted a few months ago about my dad, who has an aggressive form of prostate cancer.

My last post I was worried he wasn’t telling me and my mom everything because he’s talking to a romance scammer and told them his treatment wasn’t going well. Fortunately his treatment IS going well and he seems to have beat it for now. He was apparently upset because his doctors said it will take him 2+ years to regain lost muscle mass.

He‘s taking this news and his general physical decline VERY poorly. On one hand I feel bad for him, cancer did accelerate it. But he wasn’t in perfect health beforehand and he has been unrealistic for years about how he never expected to have any physical decline.

My parent’s house is also becoming unsafe for both of them. They can’t keep up with the cleaning & won’t throw things out and it’s starting to border on hoarding. Their house has narrow stairs that they are increasingly struggling with.

My dad can definitely afford to move them into something more manageable, but won’t do it. He refuses to have any help in the house (“no strangers in my house”). In fact, he won’t even discuss anything to do with aging, getting help, me helping, etc. He says he will “ask for help when he needs it.“

I’m starting to think he is losing it mentally too between this romance scammer thing and the increased frequency of unrequested and unwanted racist & sexist comments (filter loss).

I’m sick if how ungrateful and unpleasant he is. I am trying to find ways to make his life better and no matter what it is he just treats me like the enemy. I’m thinking of more or less ceasing visits, tech support, etc, down to the bare minimum.

My mom is sadly caught in the crossfire. She’s way more open to this stuff, she has already designated me total PoA, and she wants help. But she can’t convince him and she won’t divorce him because she’s afraid she won’t get anything and will end up penniless because they had a prenup. I am not a lawyer but I am 99% sure it does not matter because they’ve been married 30+ years and they never updated their prenup.

Anyway, partly venting but partly looking for advice - anyone else have a truly deeply pigheaded parent like this? What did you do? I’ve been trying to talk to him about this stuff for YEARS and I thought his illness and decline would finally bring him down to Earth. But he’s more stubborn than ever and I am fed up.

I have posted here before about my mother.

I managed to clean out part of her hoard. It took six weeks. There’s only a few things remaining that I’m going to end up donating somewhere.

She has an obsession with paper. Every scrap of paper must be used completely before you can throw it away. We are getting massive numbers of political flyers and she continually writes her grocery list on them. In pencil. I’m a failure for not being able to read it.

I’ve been paying for groceries for a while and I just can’t do that any more. I’m a failure because I have to rely on her.

Because my situation is far different than anyone but my partner thinks - because my mother is perfectly reasonable when she has company - I am a liar and a failure.

I was finally able, after a deep deep depression, able to get the home in enough order and tidy enough for guests. My guests came for a few hours, were lovely, and reassured me that actually nothing was as bad is seemed and me being overwhelmed is okay.

It took a lot of time and effort but the house is now manageable. 15m in the morning and 15m at night, running the robo vac, changing air filters regularly, just doing what needs to be done because it won’t be done otherwise… I am a failure because I’ve changed things too much when all I did was clean floors, organize, deep clean a kitchen, rearranging my stuff in the kitchen as I do 90% of the cooking and there was no workspace. I’m a failure because a house isn’t supposed to be this clean, it’s supposed to be lived in.

She has a friend over regularly who is actually turning out to be lovely. She’s always late but really, it only affects me in that I ensure that a tv is moved to the living room, there are snacks or meals, and there’s clear paths and rooms to sit. I am a failure because I take 15-20m to make the home nicer and it’s not needed. I do this for anyone coming to the home and I’ve done it every where I’ve lived. I’m also a failure because I don’t spend every second with her and her friend but instead choose to spend time by myself so my mom gets socialization she desperately needs.

I’m so, so tired. I’ve been fighting returning to drinking for weeks. I’m neglecting myself because I can barely get out of bed. I get my basic chores and cat care in - the house is maintainable without hours of work catching up for the first time ever. My cat is so much better - he is taking chemo for IBS and he is himself again.

I am beaten down to nothing. I managed time away to see some friends I have not seen in years and it felt so good. They said they were worried about me, because I did not look healthy. I know I’m not and I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve become permanently forgetful and if I don’t write down tasks or keep a routine and always put things in the same place, I lose them.

I can’t even try to find a job now because it’s being sabotaged. Every time I set aside quiet time for it or try to leave to go to the library to try and find a job, urgent matters come up.

We don’t have the funds to get her into a home or any assistance and she would refuse, any way. She is cognitively capable of making her own decisions and I can’t really enforce the PoA until things change. Her health is stable, not improving but not changing.

I can’t move out, I can’t afford it. My partner is losing his place in a few months and he’s going to end up with me. It will be a challenge but I am confident we can make it work.

I’m not sure what to do now, I felt like I had a handle on things but now it’s constant attack for doing things the right way and to make my life easier and the home in better condition to sell when it comes time.

I was very sick for most of last week and I remember very little of it. I ended up somehow with a massive abrasion on my face and two black eyes. I also misplaced some very important and valuable things. I have no idea how the injuries happened, the best guess is I fell out of bed. That has happened before when I was that level of sick but it was me hitting furniture and getting bad bruises. I don’t think anyone did anything bad to me, I was just very sick and apparently delirious and incoherent.

I am sitting in my bed, trying to muster the energy to take care of my cats and figure out food. I would like to run one load of laundry but the first two being done will be the best I can do.

I’m sorry this is so long - I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and every thing I do to move forward ends up me being pushed back.

I am so lonely and scared and I just don’t want to exist for a while. I’m not going to harm myself but the urge to not be responsible for anything and just try to sleep for several days so perhaps I can get rest… but everything else is waiting for me.

I've been POA for my aunt since 2020 when I helped move her into an assisted living facility. My aunt is my mom's older sister and I've long half-joked that I would warehouse them in the same facility when it was time for mom to go into assisted living.

Well the time came this year. My mom was having more mobility issues and needed to upgrade to assisted living. I had her tour my aunt's facility, but it didn't go well -- both my mom and aunt told me separately that they didn't want to live in the same facility. They love each other and don't have animosity, but they are different people with different styles -- although they are both Boomers obsessed with TV police procedurals and naval law(?). Anyhoo, I gave-up and moved mom into the ALF she preferred.

Now, ten months later, my aunt needs to go into memory care and has cancer. Although her facility has been great and has memory care, it's just too far from me and her doctors -- especially now that she has regular cancer treatments. I reluctantly decided to move her to a facility closer to me.

After spending this past weekend shuttling between my mom's and my aunt's new facilities I realized how amazing it would be if I could visit both of them at the same facility in one visit. The memory care is on its own floor, so they wouldn't even have to see other.

My mom happened to have toured my aunt's new facility in January when we were shopping for ALFs, but she didn't like it. The tour didn't go well as it was very busy with construction workers and it's an inner city facility so everything is a bit more compact than the facility she chose.

I talked to my sister last night and told her that we need to guilt-trip mom to move to my aunt's facility for my own convenience. Plus, mom is likely going to need memory care too that her current facility doesn't offer.

I feel bad about pressuring mom into switching, but my husband and I are spending our entire weekends running to different facilities. Getting our visits down to one and done would be terrific!

I know I can set up alerts for financial transactions(like we do for our credit card charges for our teenagers). I’m wondering if anybody has used a paid program and if so, could you weigh in. A few that came up in my research:

Carefull
Eversafe
True Link Financial

My dad is in the early stage of dementia, so we can’t just take everything away from him. He has started buying random things he sees on social media, so we (my mom and I )need to monitor.

I can't forget how she beat and scolded me when I was little, nor can I forget the beautiful clothes and toys she bought me for my birthday. I can't just ignore her...

She's 60 years old this year. She's had HS since she was young, and the cysts on her thighs and armpits keep recurring. She's overweight now, and with her limited mobility, it's difficult for her to independently bandage her wounds and change dressings. If I don't take care of her, the pus from her cysts easily stains her clothes. I couldn't bear to watch her face all this alone, so I brought her home.

Taking care of her is much more difficult than I imagined. Her skin is very delicate. At first, I followed her previous care methods, using ordinary tape and dressings. Every time I changed the dressing, she would gasp in pain, and the skin around the wound would turn red. I couldn't bear to see her suffer so much, so I consulted a doctor about gentler care methods. The doctor suggested trying silicone foam dressings. I bought Dimora, which seems to be less pulling on her skin and absorbs more exudate. The reduced frequency of dressing changes made things a little easier for me, as I no longer had to check on her wound every few hours.

But caring for her is far more than just changing dressings. She even calls me for things like picking up the remote control, and she doesn't like to state her needs all at once. When I got her water, I asked if she wanted bread, and she said no. A few minutes later, she called me again, saying she wanted bread. This is putting a lot of pressure on me. These endless demands are becoming unbearable, and I couldn't help but argue with her. After the argument, seeing her head down and silent, I felt sorry for her. What should I do?

Thank you ahead for reading.

My mom is currently in a skilled nursing facility after bouncing back and forth between home, hospitals and nursing facilities (3 hospital stays, 3 nursing stays in the past 2 months).

She is in her mid-80s and lives alone, though we live pretty close and visit and help her when she is home. I am not sure she will be home again though. She has declined both mentally and physically quite a bit in the last couple of months. She has had frequent falls and UTI's for years, though it has really caught up with her now.

She has had a pretty constant state of delirium for at least weeks. She has a better alertness than she did a couple of weeks ago, but still says many things that are incorrect but she believes them in her head. It could be places she has visited, places she has worked, etc. And generally these thoughts stick in her head, she'll not 'snap out' once she believes them. All of a sudden she has a taste for something and not something else she used to enjoy. It is different than early last year when she had surgery and had delirium temporarily and then it went away quickly.

Can delirium be permanent? Almost everything I see says it is a temporary condition. If it doesn't go away, is it then dementia?

I also didn't know that assisted living facilities need patients to be somewhat mobile. Her mobility has suffered quite a bit in the past couple of months. Not that it was great, but right now she can't even stand or walk. She is in a skilled nursing facility that is really not that nice, there wasn't much choice on her insurance unfortunately. I'd really like her to be motivated to at least move a bit so we can get her out and into the assisted living. But no matter what, she is a fall risk and has been for years. I am not really sure what to do. Thanks.

This is really a vent. I live in another state and have tried to help my parents (80 and 84) a bit but they are stubborn AF, hostile, and refuse to talk about anything aging related.

My mother developed rheumatica arthralgia after having covid and lost her mobility almost entirely. She found a decent doctor who diagnosed her and prescribed her low dose steroids which restored her mobility very well. Every so often my father and sibling convince her to stop the meds. I know there are issues with steroids but it’s a low dose and she’s 80 already. Anyway, every time they do this,
guess what? She relapses and can’t walk around or do anything. Eventually she takes them again and is ok after a while.

They are quite anti-meds which is causing them other health problems too. Sibling is very anti-big pharma conspiracy theory as well. (I don’t have contact with them).

Are low dose steroids that bad? I just think having mobility is worth it. It’s driving me mad and happens every few months with the same predictable outcome.

Today was so hard. My dad has been between the hospital and rehab center for the last 3 months, with a four day stent at home somewhere in the middle. He finally came home today. Even though he had done really good with physical rehab, walking several feet with his walker and we have practiced the car, he couldn't make it out of the car to his walker today. Me and my mother had to try and hold him up while my husband ran to get his wheelchair.

My parents were screaming at each other. They do that a lot. 10 years of my mom caregiving combined with my dad being a dick 70% of the time, long before he began to deteriorate. While my mother sacrifices everything for him, it is more out of duty than love.

Today I screamed back at them, primarily at my dad. Right in his face. I lost it. Everyone got quiet. I immediately felt shame. Once he was in his chair, I had to walk away. I was trying not to spiral. My mom checked on me and I just kept apologizing, especially since my mom is typically just burnt out and sticking up for herself.

The last year or so, he has gotten more confused and just...wild. Non-stop talking/yelling/repeating. Hateful things. Lies. True stuff and loving stuff mixed in probably 15% of the time. It's hard to know what is actually happening with him. This seems to be a combination of medications, pain medicine primarily, and we believe beginning dementia.

Thank God my husband jumped into action. We had to figure out an impromptu ramp as we were not expecting his walker to not work I'm trying to get my mom more help, preferably him to just not be there. I have gotten leave from work to help but even then don't feel physically or mentally equipped for this. I am young with no children, on paper I'd be in a great position to help. Maybe it's just selfishness.

Money is difficult. Too little to afford a good place, too many assets (they own their home as they built it, property, 20 year old beater car) to get medicaid for nursing care.

I want my dad to have good care and to feel loved, but I feel stronger that I want my mom to survive. And I hate all of it.

In home health starts tomorrow, not sure that they will take one look at him and say nope, can't stay here. I don't know. Wheelchair has removed a lot of chances for falling, which is his major issue, but our house isnt accessible, and again, money.

If you have read this far, thank you. This experience is grueling, shameful, heartbreaking, etc. Guilt. Just trying to be kind to myself.

My mum is in her 80s and really, really frail. My dad, who is partially sighted, hard of hearing and a little bit confused is caring for her - she's doubly incontinent and can barely move from chair to bed. I've asked our GP (UK) repeatedly for a referral to district nurses or social services, a couple of weeks ago this resulted in them sending out an Advanced Nurse Practitioner to her home who took one look at her and had her admitted to hospital by ambulance.

During a week at hospital we spoke to a social worker who put together a re-ablement package with carers coming twice a day for when she got home, but once she was discharged it turned out she refused this when they phoned her. I keep broaching the subject with her and getting shut down, she just doesn't want external help (the only reason I've been able to drag out of her is she finds it embarrassing) but the situation is dire. She isn't looking after her hygiene and by dad's sight isn't good enough to clean up after her.

Although the NHS and social services constantly seem to want to cover their backs and put her through hospital visits which aren't in her best interests, when it comes to getting care at home, they say she has capacity and so there's nothing they can do if she refuses. I'm really worried about my dad, there was already a bout of food poisoning a couple of weeks ago and he just has no quality of life.

Has anyone got any advice on what to say to convince her to be reasonable, or what steps I can take that go over her head to get some professionals in? They can afford to pay for some help, but she's so adamant she doesn't want it I feel like it needs to be mandated by a professional.

I don’t know why but I am having a really hard day. This is the first weekend in months that hasn’t been dedicated 100% to my romance scam dad who gave away $100k and is a sexist jerk who has no regard for me or my sister or our kids.

And even though I still spent hours on organizing his shit, the cancellation letter from his auto insurance is hitting hard. I sold his second car last weekend and he has no idea, nor does he seem to care. His random text about there not being enough meat on his sandwich in memory care (which he thinks is free but it costs over $5k per month, and he’s irate they don’t give him more) is sending me spiraling and I don’t even know why.

Is it rage? Is it fear? Is it grief?

I just don’t fucking know.

Then I think, am I going to do the same thing? What if I do this to my kids? Oh my God. What a nightmare.

Mein Bruder und ich machen sich sorgen um unserem Vater. Er ist psychisch seit der Erkrankung meiner Mutter ziemlich am Limit, das zieht sich jetzt schon seit über 2 Jahren. Meine Mutter ist leider schwer erkrankt, hat immer wieder Operationen die nicht ohne sind mit längeren Krankenhausaufenthalten und Reha. Meinen Vater geht es dabei immer sehr schlecht, isst kaum, zieht sich privat sehr zurück und verbringt mindestens 12h in der Arbeit um sich abzulenken. Meine Mutter ist Hausfrau und mein Vater ist es gewohnt, dass immer alles von ihr erledigt wurde. Er musst in den zwei Jahren eben auch lernen selber mit Kochen, waschen und Haushalt zurecht zu kommen. Mein Bruder und ich sorgen sich dabei so gut es geht um ihn und schauen dass wir zb gekochtes Essen bringen, mal die Wasche mitwaschen damit er am Wochenende zu unserer Mutter kann. Mittlerweile ist es schon so auffällig dass wir ihn zum essen zwingen müssen. Er hat auch wieder Probleme mit seinem Tinitus aufgrund der Psyche. Krankschreiben will er sich nur nicht lassen weil er dann nicht abgelenkt ist und dauernd an meine Mutter denken muss. Wir haben schon öfters gesagt er soll sich bitte Hilfe holen, er meint dann ja macht er wenn es meiner Mutter wieder besser geht (Besserung eher nicht in Sicht). Was können wir tun? Sollte ich ihn zum Hausarzt schleppen gegen seinen Willen und um eine Krankmeldung kämpfen? Warten bis er was unternimmt ist unrealistisch, er sieht es nur ein dass er Hilfe und eine Auszeit braucht. Ich will nicht dass der 2. Elternteil auch noch krank wird. Meine Eltern sind erst 50 und wir Anfang und Mitte 20😭wir sind auch ein wenig überfordert

Hello! I’m looking for advice on where people are finding temporary caregivers for their elderly parents and or pets when on vacation. My 76-year-old mother lives with my husband and I. She gets around with a walker, but she isn’t completely independent. For instance, I take her compression stockings on and off daily. She doesn’t cook at a stove, but can heat things up in the microwave without my help. We also have two small dogs. I am wondering where to go to find someone who can come to my house to spend the night and basically just be a safeguard in case of emergency. And in addition to that, let my dogs out a couple times. In the past, I had nieces and nephews come over and I paid them but it’s always such a struggle. My sister comes over to help my mom during the day and also let my dogs out. What are other people doing in this situation. I feel like I need to have a vacation on the books at least once every 5 to 6 months or I feel like I’m gonna go crazy. Thanks!

My MIL (79) has some anxiety history and has had Xanax prescription in the past. She had a major brain bleed about 5 years ago and a stroke about 3 years ago. Following the stroke, she has a lot of visual field loss and she’s lost her mapmaking capacity, to the point where she gets lost in her own 1-bedroom apartment. She is still relatively sharp but we’d estimate that her overall cognition is down maybe 15% from where it was pre-stroke.

She’s lived in several different places after the stroke — her own house, an assisted living facility where the residents were in much worse shape than she was, then a retirement community where it became obvious that she needed a higher level of care, and now an independent living facility that seems like the right level of care. She’s safe, her needs are met, she’s making friends there, and she’s starting to participate in activities. Her kids both live close by and are over once or twice a week and manage her medications, finances, etc.

Despite that, in the last year or so, her anxiety has been pretty constant. We see her treating every minor issue or thing that needs tending to as a catastrophe. It’s the constant stream of phone calls about really genuinely minor things that’s hardest on my spouse, but also just the impact it has on her quality of life. I know the world was scary for her when she was living in a retirement community and she got isolated, so we were hoping that would improve when she was back in a higher level of care, but it hasn’t.

She’s refused therapy but I’m wondering what, if anything, has helped for elderly folks who are dealing with a lot of general panic about the world. Should we get her a Xanax prescription? We’re somewhat worried about fall risk with that class of drug, but maybe antidepressants? Elder focused therapy? Would a geriatrician be a good place to start? I

this is my first Reddit post but I wanted to get some perspective because I am in a difficult situation I don’t know how to navigate. I recently lost my dad and navigating life after his passing has been difficult. I moved back to my hometown recently from a place that I truly loved in order to be close to my dad in his illness and he ended up passing quicker than expected. I really loved my life prior to moving. I am mourning my dad but feel like I haven’t been able to fully navigate my grief as my mother (73) has become very dependent on me for everything. I am exhausted and sad and feel like I am very alone as she will not accept help from anyone else.

I really want to move back to my old city eventually but I don’t know how I can ever do that. I‘ve asked my mother to move with me and I’ve told her that I can’t stay in this city forever as it’s a place that makes me even more unhappy than I already am with my grief. She is not open to the idea and I have only recently started discussing this with her and she tells me I don’t love her if I even consider leaving and that if she dies she doesn’t want anyone to tell me, so I end up feeling very responsible and guilty. My dad has been gone 7 months now and I can’t continue on the path i’m on now. I am an only child so I have no support. I am now paying all her bills and running all her errands on top of trying to work full time. I don’t know how to navigate this. Any advice is appreciated.

My mom is 65 years old and suffers from PKD, heart issues, and more recently found out she likely has pulmonary fibrosis. She also struggles with body issues, she has a cyst behind her knee cap and hip issues that developed over the last decade. She also has undiagnosed mental health issues. Its been hard seeing her go from this active healthier person that was more excited about life, to where she cant do much anymore.

She still works at the hospital, but she hurts everyday and I really try my best to help make her days better and easier. I have my own problems (ADHD, cPTSD, anxiety/depression, hormonal issues from PCOS/endo) that makes it hard for me to do more than just part time work, but I do everything I can to help her feel better. I cook her meals/make her food everyday, clean the house, help her run errands so she doesn't have to walk much any more than she has to.

She struggles with the thought that she can't move as well as she used to and I know how much it upsets her and wears her down. I want to do more for her like take her out to go to the nice forests near where we live, play more games with her, and we've been spending more time together watching movies from the 1940s-70s which she loves a lot, but she gets tired so easily and it hurts to see so much.

I just want to do so much more for her, I've been working on getting more hours at work so I can help pay for more things around here, but Im afraid I wont be able to. I just feel overwhelmed and needed to get it out because I just love and care about her so much and she's the only family I have left. I just want her to be happier

Edit: I really appreciate all of the opinions and experiences shared here. I will be discussing it with my mother and her doctor. I am affirmed that my question/curiosity is reasonable. I like mother's doctor and find him engaged and receptive to questions about treatment.

My mother is 84, in good health, no history of heart disease. I have no idea how long she's been taking Simvastatin, but it has been since before I began paying attention and living with her three years ago.

She's been doing Pilates consistently for 22 years. Despite this, I've noticed that she's slowed down enormously in the last 5 years or more. I read that statins can cause muscle fatigue and weakness, and I am wondering if there's a connection.

I looked into it because of a fall she had at home last weekend. She fell as a consequence of poor choices - standing on unstable ground, excessive reach. Thank goodness the fall was not disabling, and she came out of it with just one fractured rib and two nights in hospital for observation. But I began wondering about her reaction time, and also began wondering why, despite the Pilates (which is now her only physical activity), she seems to have little desire for movement.

Anyhow, now I'm wondering if the statins have contributed to her physical slowdown, and if they're actually contributing to her aging acceleration.

Thoughts?

Current need: My MIL seems to have a mental block against standing up. Before I left for vacation, she would let me give her a boost off the toilet so she could stand and shuffle over to her wheelchair. Now I have to lift her because she actively pushes back on the boost and gasps with fear. Talking through it does not help. She says she got weaker. She sure doesn’t feel weak as she pushes back against me!

Back story:
My husband and I built on an in law suite to his family home and moved in because his very sweet mother could not get up the stairs to her bedroom and shower any more and we like the home and its location. Mutually beneficial. She has had mobility issues for 50 years. This summer she experienced a big decline and I took over her meds and doctor communication while he took over finances. FIL is complicated. He’s not the caregiver personality but has taken over a lot of caring. He was getting overwhelmed and my summer break was coming to an end, so we started home heath care aides against her wishes. Fast forward to a month ago when she hurt her foot getting out of the shower and lost a lot of her strength while staying off of it. Like so much in five short days while we were assessing if it was broken. It’s not. Just a deep tissue bruise.
So now we are stuck in this place where she no longer gets herself to the bathroom or gets around in the small ways she used to. PT comes to the home twice a week because in June her dr diagnosed severe deconditioning. She does exercises every day. She has always struggled with anxiety and depression. She’s medicated. We’ve had to start Xanax before PT appointments because her fear was impacting her sessions.
Sorry this is so long. Just trying to offer the whole picture.
I don’t know where we go from here. Is this our new normal? She’s wheelchair bound? I’m taking her to the bathroom every night?

My mom has a stuffed nose (everyday, because she doesn’t know how to blow her nose anymore). What are some ways for me to help her get her shot out? We’ve tried nasal sprays and allergy meds an everything. But those don’t work because it’s not a lot of snot - kind of like what you wake up with but she can’t blow it out and is just congested the whole day and hates it

Curious if people would confront their aging parent of petty theft from local store, once for sure, three times suspected. Not sure if preliminarily signs of dementia, otherwise healthy, but mild cognitive decline.

I am a 33F, my parents had kids later in life so my dad will be 74 in December. Unfortunately my mom passed away 7 years ago at 63 years old. Despite my parents not getting along and basically being separated most of my life, it was devastating to my dad. I was still living at home when my mom died and then was reluctant to move out because I was worried about my dad and financially it didn’t make sense. I went back to school, got a good career, and then bought a house with my now husband 2.5 years ago. So my dad has been living alone for 2.5 years.

He’s been lonely and has tried making friends and dating but he’s not the easiest person to get along with. He’s always been very healthy and acted like he was going to live until his 90s but he developed a cataract and basically overnight decided he was now old. We got the cataract resolved but I found a spot on his head that looks questionable so now he’s convinced he’s got cancer and is going to die.

He also is adamant that it’s too overwhelming to own a house and doesn’t want to own a home and take care of one anymore. The only “overwhelming” aspect is all the deferred maintenance or jobs that he created (ex: he gets manic and twice has filled the house brim full of random stuff then cleaned it out).
Me and my husband have talked about it and are open to him living with us but we both agree this isn’t the right house and it will take some time for us to figure out the next step and my dad says he hears that and then the next minute is either pushing to move in or stating he doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he will be homeless once he sells his house.

Other things to note: his best friend that he talked to daily passed away this year and our family dog is also 11 and I know both of those things are weighing heavily on him. I think he is depressed and I’m worried about him but I don’t know how to help him. I’m also frustrated to be so young dealing with this especially since I’m a nurse so I see unhealthy people all the time and aside from mental health issues my dad is extremely healthy for his age…

At the same time I feel like I would feel the same way if I was in his shoes. I guess I just feel like it isn’t fair since I’ve already lost my mom and I don’t want to lose my dad but I just feel like he’s giving up on life.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Support, empathy? I don’t know.

My mom.is in her early 70s, single (divorced)and was diagnosed with aFib heart condition this year. She has gone to hospital mutiple times (somerimes 2-3 times a week), seen specialists, taken various meds and yet is still forever complaining she doesn't feel well. Most recently it is on-and-off weakness, most likely due to her meds which list this as a side effect. Her health is now essentially all we ever talk or text about.

At her request, I text every day to check she is OK. I cannot check in physically because I live 2 hours away and work FT.

She now also wants me to WhatsApp videochat with her whenever she feels weak so she is not alone. Even if I am out in a store, on transit, etc.

My sister lives in her city wants nothing to do with her during this illness (We had lots of fighting at home and are still dealing with some of our childhood trauma...that is another post.)

We told our mom should be in a retirement community of sorts and she agrees but says it is too stressful to think about. I find her expectation of random "drop-everything" videochats excessive. She thinks every time she feels weak, it is an emergency that merits full attention. I also suggested a PSW but she ignores that suggestion.

I know I am a shite child but I feel exhausted and fed up by her constant need for my.attention -- which is never enough and doesn't solve her main health problem anyway.

Any advice?

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I am really grateful and overwhelmed by your empathy...it is nice to know I am not so alone in all this. To those of you also dealing with issues, I am sending you strength as well.

My 77-year-old mother has lost thousands of dollars in what appears to be a romance scam. Two men are involved: Patrik, who claimed to work on an oil rig, and Brian, an interior designer who supposedly left for Istanbul for a highly lucrative contract. She sent money to the first man without ever meeting him and communicates with the second exclusively through WhatsApp.
My mother was widowed less than a year ago and seems desperate for affection and validation. She had a difficult childhood with an alcoholic father. I worry about her vulnerability and wonder whether her behavior could also be related to a cognitive issue.
I am also extremely concerned about how much personal information she may have shared about herself, me, and my children. I have photos and some information about these men, but despite my efforts, I have been unable to find any practical resources in Montreal to help me.
I am emotionally exhausted by this situation. I have my own children, my business, and my own grief to process. I want to protect my mother, but I cannot carry this burden alone. I am looking for resources and advice from people who have experienced something similar, particularly on how to intervene and protect my family without becoming emotionally overwhelmed myself.