My mother is 84, in good health, no history of heart disease. I have no idea how long she's been taking Simvastatin, but it has been since before I began paying attention and living with her three years ago.

She's been doing Pilates consistently for 22 years. Despite this, I've noticed that she's slowed down enormously in the last 5 years or more. I read that statins can cause muscle fatigue and weakness, and I am wondering if there's a connection.

I looked into it because of a fall she had at home last weekend. She fell as a consequence of poor choices - standing on unstable ground, excessive reach. Thank goodness the fall was not disabling, and she came out of it with just one fractured rib and two nights in hospital for observation. But I began wondering about her reaction time, and also began wondering why, despite the Pilates (which is now her only physical activity), she seems to have little desire for movement.

Anyhow, now I'm wondering if the statins have contributed to her physical slowdown, and if they're actually contributing to her aging acceleration.

Thoughts?

I am a 33F, my parents had kids later in life so my dad will be 74 in December. Unfortunately my mom passed away 7 years ago at 63 years old. Despite my parents not getting along and basically being separated most of my life, it was devastating to my dad. I was still living at home when my mom died and then was reluctant to move out because I was worried about my dad and financially it didn’t make sense. I went back to school, got a good career, and then bought a house with my now husband 2.5 years ago. So my dad has been living alone for 2.5 years.

He’s been lonely and has tried making friends and dating but he’s not the easiest person to get along with. He’s always been very healthy and acted like he was going to live until his 90s but he developed a cataract and basically overnight decided he was now old. We got the cataract resolved but I found a spot on his head that looks questionable so now he’s convinced he’s got cancer and is going to die.

He also is adamant that it’s too overwhelming to own a house and doesn’t want to own a home and take care of one anymore. The only “overwhelming” aspect is all the deferred maintenance or jobs that he created (ex: he gets manic and twice has filled the house brim full of random stuff then cleaned it out).
Me and my husband have talked about it and are open to him living with us but we both agree this isn’t the right house and it will take some time for us to figure out the next step and my dad says he hears that and then the next minute is either pushing to move in or stating he doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he will be homeless once he sells his house.

Other things to note: his best friend that he talked to daily passed away this year and our family dog is also 11 and I know both of those things are weighing heavily on him. I think he is depressed and I’m worried about him but I don’t know how to help him. I’m also frustrated to be so young dealing with this especially since I’m a nurse so I see unhealthy people all the time and aside from mental health issues my dad is extremely healthy for his age…

At the same time I feel like I would feel the same way if I was in his shoes. I guess I just feel like it isn’t fair since I’ve already lost my mom and I don’t want to lose my dad but I just feel like he’s giving up on life.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Support, empathy? I don’t know.

Current need: My MIL seems to have a mental block against standing up. Before I left for vacation, she would let me give her a boost off the toilet so she could stand and shuffle over to her wheelchair. Now I have to lift her because she actively pushes back on the boost and gasps with fear. Talking through it does not help. She says she got weaker. She sure doesn’t feel weak as she pushes back against me!

Back story:
My husband and I built on an in law suite to his family home and moved in because his very sweet mother could not get up the stairs to her bedroom and shower any more and we like the home and its location. Mutually beneficial. She has had mobility issues for 50 years. This summer she experienced a big decline and I took over her meds and doctor communication while he took over finances. FIL is complicated. He’s not the caregiver personality but has taken over a lot of caring. He was getting overwhelmed and my summer break was coming to an end, so we started home heath care aides against her wishes. Fast forward to a month ago when she hurt her foot getting out of the shower and lost a lot of her strength while staying off of it. Like so much in five short days while we were assessing if it was broken. It’s not. Just a deep tissue bruise.
So now we are stuck in this place where she no longer gets herself to the bathroom or gets around in the small ways she used to. PT comes to the home twice a week because in June her dr diagnosed severe deconditioning. She does exercises every day. She has always struggled with anxiety and depression. She’s medicated. We’ve had to start Xanax before PT appointments because her fear was impacting her sessions.
Sorry this is so long. Just trying to offer the whole picture.
I don’t know where we go from here. Is this our new normal? She’s wheelchair bound? I’m taking her to the bathroom every night?

My 77-year-old mother has lost thousands of dollars in what appears to be a romance scam. Two men are involved: Patrik, who claimed to work on an oil rig, and Brian, an interior designer who supposedly left for Istanbul for a highly lucrative contract. She sent money to the first man without ever meeting him and communicates with the second exclusively through WhatsApp.
My mother was widowed less than a year ago and seems desperate for affection and validation. She had a difficult childhood with an alcoholic father. I worry about her vulnerability and wonder whether her behavior could also be related to a cognitive issue.
I am also extremely concerned about how much personal information she may have shared about herself, me, and my children. I have photos and some information about these men, but despite my efforts, I have been unable to find any practical resources in Montreal to help me.
I am emotionally exhausted by this situation. I have my own children, my business, and my own grief to process. I want to protect my mother, but I cannot carry this burden alone. I am looking for resources and advice from people who have experienced something similar, particularly on how to intervene and protect my family without becoming emotionally overwhelmed myself.

My mum (70) is not in best health (lung issue and vulnerable to respiratory illnesses). She got the flu and it has drained her energy and immune system. Her and my dad live in their own place.

It is incredibly distressing seeing her sick. I just want to be able to support her and my dad somehow but not sure what I can do. I know I can’t make her well but just things to ease their burden. I only live 10 mins from them.

I would greatly appreciate any advice.

Thanks

My dad has been scammed three times by online scammers posing as Apple support or as one of their adult children. He succumbs to the pressure and we’ve had to recover 10-20k. I’m thinking we’ll make his cash limited to a few thousand dollars for expenses and the rest is managed by my brother or moved into inaccessible accounts. Has anyone else encountered this and if so how do you manage this with your parent?

I am 37M, my name is Kevin. I am not entirely sure what is happening to my mom, 71.

Recently I came to know she has been participating of a Nigerian prince/advance-fee scam. She refuses to believe she is being scammed, even though all the people she have contacted told her. She have been asking for loaner money to all those people who have told her it's a scam, some people did give her money. I don't know how much money, or how many people. Ever since I decided to cut her off financially and now my brother, who lives with her, is managing her expenses.

I was stern with her when I found out, and she told me she was gonna change. The next day she was going to the bank to do something. Clearly nothing changed.

She repeatedly lies, telling people (who have previously and repeatedly told her it's a scam): "I need money for XYZ, and my sons know about it, yesterday we went together to the bank and they told us the money is there and we need to pay taxes....". No such thing occurred. Amongst many other lies, to the point of not having anyone else to rely on, because when someone tells her it's a scam she no longer trusts them, or considers them "against her". I came to know because she was looking to sell the house, and she told an aunt about it, my aunt then told another aunt and she told me. Selling the house, or putting it in somebody else's name is super bad. I am trying to safe enough money to get it in my name.

I called the police as soon as my aunt told me. They told me the problem with elderly people is that they have the same rights and autonomy as the rest of us do, and sometimes acknowledging they are being scammed is the one and most important thing. If they don't they are acting as free citizens with free will and in their eyes nothing is wrong, and the police can't do anything.

My mom is not super old, she is 71, but she has never been a chronic liar, and I don't know if she is in that awful point of life where we don't know that she is beginning to develop dementia. She was diagnosed with something called "mild cognitive disorder", which basically the way the doctors explained, it means her brain is shrinking. I don't know what the effects/symptoms are. She has never been confrontational either, like talking back to my brother or aunts like she is now. Super unlike her.

One time I saw a case of a husband who had a sudden weird change in personality/character and he happened to have a brain tumor which he died of months later. Not sure if it could be similar.

Does my description of her resonates with known conditions? Does anyone have recommendations? I could also read another post if something similar have been posted already :)

I'd be happy to provide more details as needed.

Thanks!

I'm 23 and my father turned 69 a couple days ago. I feel like his health has been deteriorating rapidly since the last 3 years. He had a heart attack and multiple interventions later on and i'm scared. He needs way more help that he admits since he can't walk (or do kind of physical effort) that much.

I live with both of my parents and I struggle with mental health since I can remember. I guess I'm scared but I'm mostly sad that I won't have much time to enjoy with him. He can be very frustating and hurtful sometimes but I can't imagine a live without him. I don't really know how to handle any of this and I feel like my friends don't understand that they need me here with them.

I doubt that this will be the last time that I use this subreddit so thank you to anyone that reads.

(My grammar may be a bit broken, English is not my first language)

My mom.is in her early 70s, single (divorced)and was diagnosed with aFib heart condition this year. She has gone to hospital mutiple times (somerimes 2-3 times a week), seen specialists, taken various meds and yet is still forever complaining she doesn't feel well. Most recently it is on-and-off weakness, most likely due to her meds which list this as a side effect. Her health is now essentially all we ever talk or text about.

At her request, I text every day to check she is OK. I cannot check in physically because I live 2 hours away and work FT.

She now also wants me to WhatsApp videochat with her whenever she feels weak so she is not alone. Even if I am out in a store, on transit, etc.

My sister lives in her city wants nothing to do with her during this illness (We had lots of fighting at home and are still dealing with some of our childhood trauma...that is another post.)

We told our mom should be in a retirement community of sorts and she agrees but says it is too stressful to think about. I find her expectation of random "drop-everything" videochats excessive. She thinks every time she feels weak, it is an emergency that merits full attention. I also suggested a PSW but she ignores that suggestion.

I know I am a shite child but I feel exhausted and fed up by her constant need for my.attention -- which is never enough and doesn't solve her main health problem anyway.

Any advice?

Well it just happened to me. I still live with my senior mom (turning 91) who has mobility issues, eg, uses a cane/walker because of limited use of her legs. I've sort of fallen into a caregiver role. Today I found her laying down, still alert and uninjured, legs stuck under an old-style bed with the heavy metal frame.

I have no idea how she got like that (nor do I want to know) but I got a heavy metal pot to rest one bed leg on to get her loose. I was thinking, god know what would've happened if I wasn't there or not still living at home. She probably would've been left there for days and possibly died. I just avoided the worst scenario. Maybe it's a blessing I'm still at home.

I don’t know why but I am having a really hard day. This is the first weekend in months that hasn’t been dedicated 100% to my romance scam dad who gave away $100k and is a sexist jerk who has no regard for me or my sister or our kids.

And even though I still spent hours on organizing his shit, the cancellation letter from his auto insurance is hitting hard. I sold his second car last weekend and he has no idea, nor does he seem to care. His random text about there not being enough meat on his sandwich in memory care (which he thinks is free but it costs over $5k per month, and he’s irate they don’t give him more) is sending me spiraling and I don’t even know why.

Is it rage? Is it fear? Is it grief?

I just don’t fucking know.

Then I think, am I going to do the same thing? What if I do this to my kids? Oh my God. What a nightmare.

The struggle is real

Curious if people would confront their aging parent of petty theft from local store, once for sure, three times suspected. Not sure if preliminarily signs of dementia, otherwise healthy, but mild cognitive decline.