Big one. Every other day I see a post from a man saying “M25 I’m never going to find someone” and their post goes on to imply that their happiness is fully dependent on finding a woman. I get it, it’s an irreplaceable feeling to be loved and have someone to share your life with. But relying on that as the sole reason for your happiness is setting your whole life up for failure. There’s so much more to life and you have to do at least SOME work to heal your emotional wounds yourself before dating or else no one will even want to date you.
I say this as someone who felt like finding a girlfriend would be the only thing that could change things for me back when I was a depressed teen. Community and purpose helped me a lot in my early 20s, even if I fell
Back into dark times a few years later. I love my partner but putting all that on her to be my crutch would be unfair. She’s supportive but I learned it’s not on the people I date to heal me
Well said, I wasn't a bad guy or anything. I had a hard childhood. I dealt with a lot of physical and emotional neglect. I also have a physical disability from birth. Many adults in my life told me that one day I would get a girlfriend and people would be jealous of how my life would be. It set up this mythos that my worth would be dictated by the women I attract. I ruined some of the most meaningful relationships in my life and it's by being so concerned that I would lose them and become worthless.
The really destructive part about this frame of thinking is that it objectifies women into not fully human and their purpose being centered around my need. Women are not on this planet to make men feel secure.
Preach brother! This is one of the best replies I have seen here. I was one who used women as a crutch, and have only realised this recently. “To all the girls I’ve loved before….” I’m sorry. 😔
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u/hemanstarfox 13h ago edited 12h ago
Stop viewing women as the pathway to your having your emotional wounds healed