Princess Fiona’s coochie

poop

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Lol

One says to the other, "What if eggs could talk?"

The other egg doesn't say anything, because eggs can't talk.

I’ve never paid $100 to have a garbanzo on my chest.

Three nuns die in a car crash. when they get to heaven Peter meets them at the gate and says welcome to heaven! now while you were alive you each took a vow never to touch a man but to each broke it in a different way so you'll have to wash the part of your body that touched a man in this fountain. turning to the first nun ahead said you'll have to wash your hands. To the second nun he said "you'll have to wash your feet. Then he turned to the third nun and she says can I go first since I'm going to have to gargle with it.

They’re calling it an iPatch

Sorry I meant "pedantic".

He figures the best place to start is the Confessional. He hasn't been in over 30 years and it’s nothing like he remembers.

He recognizes the little window, but rather than the low bench for kneeling, there is a recliner with massage function. Next to the recliner is a small table with glass decanter of some sort of whisky and a box of cigars.

Suddenly, a priest walks into the room behind him. He turns to face the priest and says, "This is nothing like I remember it."

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE!”

For example, if they're behind her ears, she likes you.

I'm trying asbestos I can.

A dad walks into his teenage son's room. He says to his son, "your mom tells me you've been caught several times playing with yourself. Just so you know, if you do it too often you can go blind!" After a bit of a pause the son standing behind him says, "Dad I'm over here" .

Now I have to watch two unskippable ads before every dream.

Looking at the accusations he was way off base.