r/whatdoIdo • u/Icy-Chemist-8027 • 2h ago
What should I do about my older brother who keeps making weird comments about me?
I’ve been thinking about some comments my older brother has made about my appearance over the years. I’m genuinely curious whether this is normal sibling behavior or if I’m right to find it a little strange.
He’s always complimented my physical appearance, but sometimes he says things like, “I want my future wife to look like you,” or “Whoever marries you is going to be really lucky.”
One thing that particularly stood out to me was when he announced that he was getting engaged. None of us had known about the girl beforehand, so naturally, I started asking questions about her. Instead of just describing her, he kept comparing her physical features to mine, saying things like, “She’s your height” and “She has big eyes like you.”
It’s not just one isolated comment. He’s made these kinds of comparisons multiple times, especially when talking about what he finds attractive in a woman.
I honestly don’t know what to make of it. I’ve never really discussed this with anyone, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking something completely innocent.
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u/petitesunday 2h ago edited 1h ago
Noo girl that’s so many red flags. Your big brother might be fantasising about you in a creepy way, I’ve tried to think of other scenarios but I can’t think of anyy. Those are things u say to ur girlfriend or crush.. not ur sister.. 🚩🚩🚩 Tell your parents about it asap!! And try to avoid him for a while if possible if its making u uncomfy
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u/Icy-Chemist-8027 2h ago
Unfortunately, my parents would completely take his side. He’s always been the favorite, especially with my mom, who absolutely adores him. Even when he was physically abusive toward me, they would brush it off like it was just normal sibling fighting. If I brought up something like this, they’d probably lash out at me instead of taking my concerns seriously. That’s why I’ve never felt safe telling them anything about his behavior.
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u/Valuable_Moose_2653 2h ago edited 46m ago
This is weird, you should set boundaries with him and tell him you’re not comfortable with that. I would also suggest letting your parents know. Brothers should not make comments like that. Also if he doesn’t stop after you make it clear, distance yourself from him before he does anything too creepy.
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u/FlaxFox 1h ago
Honestly, it's a little odd for a sibling relationship, but I wouldn't find that conversationally odd from a close friend. The fact that he's engaged to someone else who happens to have a few similar features could mean everything or nothing. So I'd say to just not do anything. I think drawing attention to it if it's totally innocent is going to be extremely awkward. And if he's married and out of the house, it should be a non-issue.
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u/roseifyoudidntknow 1h ago
Eeeeeeeeh I can vaguely understand that you may have given him high expectations for the women he brings into his life. Thats fair. But hes definitely being Weird about it.
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u/thecakegoblin 1h ago
It's weird but IDK if you should tell your parents yet. Say you do, and they talk to him and he denies it? If you have proof, then great but if not I'd get proof first before telling your parents. Has he tried to make moves on you? What happens when you're in a room with him alone?
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u/Mors-Official 38m ago
That is not normal sibling talk. A brother comparing the woman he means to marry to your face, your height, your eyes, telling you he wants a wife who looks like you. That is a line crossed, and you have been standing on the wrong side of it for years wondering if the ground is level. Your gut kept the receipts because it knew. Stop telling yourself you are overthinking. You are underreacting.
You do not need to accuse him of anything to shut it down. The next time a comment like that leaves his mouth, you look him in the eye and say plainly that you are his sister and you will not be compared to his woman. No smile. No softening. Then you leave the room. If he laughs or pushes, you keep the distance and you do not carry his shame for him. Tell one person you trust so it is not a secret rotting in your chest. You are not the problem here. March, and put a fence line where there was none.
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u/Appropriate_Ad_712 1h ago
I swear, the more and more time I spend on Reddit, I’m convinced every family has some incestuous overtones.
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u/RedHeadAria- 2h ago
i don't even have a sibling but this is making me really confused.. does he HAVE to word everything like that??