My husband got my assistant pregnant

[u/FishermanFragrant802]

this is a throwaway (that name was so random) and I will go to therapy bur right now talking and hearing myself talking about it is too much.

We are both successful in our careers and we build our life together. started from nothing. We don't have a family business and are working in 2 different fields. I work in marketing, he works in law. Children are already teenagers so I felt our life is really great.

I had to hire an assistant with my work and found a 28 years old woman. Nice, incredibily smart, spoke 3 languages, great communication skills and yeah, good looking but in a very classy way. She has been working for me for over a year. And long story short, my husbang got her pregnant and turns out that not only this. They were talking about me, she hates me. she said she always hated me. i saw their texts. she said something like I always hated women like her who pretend they don't need a man and play victim.

I never said I don't need MY man. him. I never even talked to her about these things. It was a profesional relationship and nothing else.

We are going to divorce of course, currently I moved back to my parents, I needed my mother. But I don't understand TF happened. We are in our 40s. I am 42 and he is 45 and we got together ever since we started high school. I mostly work from home. they were screwin in my bed. Our son is also hurt and is on my side and wants to cut contact with him. and husband doesn't even care. my daughter blames her and me (she literally attacked that woman and started hitting her)

[u/vechtdalval]

It would be a bit hard to overlook the fact that she got pregnant while dad was still playing dad in his old family, no?

Maybe he should have thought about that and could have, you know, not gotten her pregnant right away.

[u/Okay_Splenda_Monkey → u/vechtdalval]

Or ... and call me crazy ... he could have not slept with the assistant at all? That option should be on the table along with wearing a condom whilst doing it.

[u/AgencySuspicious5490 → u/Okay_Splenda_Monkey]

Maybe get a divorce before screwing the assistant let alone getting her pregnant 💀 and yeah if your kid doesn’t want to see him after that they should have that choice

[u/CakeProof6702]

Wtf I can feel that pain right in my chest. I’m sorry

[u/CostatePrancer]

This is a horrible situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

My advice:-

1. Focus on your mental health, your finances, and your children. You're no use to anyone if you lose your mind, and you can't take good care of the children if you're broke. So, (i) get/stay mentally health; (ii) continue to earn money & pay your bills; and (iii) continue to be a good parent.
2. Your questions are entirely legitimate... but would you be willing to let them wait? At the moment, the situation is so raw that perhaps you don't need the anxiety that comes from hearing how it's (allegedly) your fault for being neglectful/too clever/too strong/too weak/whatever. (There's always some BS 'excuse' offered by the cheater, as anyone who has been cheated on can tell you.)
3. Whatever you do, please don't listen to anyone online (including me). Most of us are idiots. Follow your own moral compass, but do it dispassionately. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgment.

I hope this message was useful... or, at least, that it did no harm. If it offends you, please allow me to apologize.

[u/3AMZen]

Try to keep your kids from getting exposed to too much of it 

It's okay for them to know you're going through a divorce obviously, and they're certainly going to have to learn that they have a new sibling on the way, but... There's no reason for them to know the messy details of the affair. It's just a future therapy bill for them. 

And then there's the danger that the two of you are going to weaponize your children against each other. That's pretty much the single worst thing a couple of adults can do in a divorce.

[u/jybrick → u/3AMZen]

It doesn’t take a couple. Just one can decide to do this.

[u/3AMZen → u/jybrick]

True. The only person whose behaviors we can control are our own

[u/qu33nbb → u/3AMZen]

The teenagers absolutely have a right to know what dad did and why the divorce is occuring. They are going to need therapy regardless because dad is a POS.

[u/Feisty_Respond6611]

Please keep the kids out of it as much as you can. Especially at such a formative age, pitting kids against one another is horrible and often ends with men being abusive and women being abused later in life. Everyone in that house needs therapy now and husband should foot the bill for it because he caused this. Im not going to pretend I know what happened or the details but please prioritize your mental health and the mental health of your children... I hope your children's father gets the same message.

[u/style-addict]

So is that assistant keeping the baby or she going to get an abortion? 🤔

[u/Adel_pr1]

the title sounds like a rimworld shit 🤣😆 what do you mean got her pregnant that easy? are we animals

[u/Equal-Gene-398]

Crazy work. Where does one find an assistant like this ? 😂

[u/hamanctorchimis]

If you reflect back, have you neglected your husband in any way?

[u/Positive_Passage7518 → u/hamanctorchimis]

If you reflect back, do you remember breaking into the triple digits on any IQ test? I suspect not.

[u/Moogatron88 → u/hamanctorchimis]

Even if she did, the correct course of action is to discuss it and leave if it turns out to be an issue you can't get past. Not cheat.

[u/Immediate_Alarm452 → u/hamanctorchimis]

It's been 0 days since a man took accountability for fucking anything.

[u/Embarrassed-Tune-981 → u/Immediate_Alarm452]

This can be read two different ways and they'd both be correct.

[u/tessie33 → u/hamanctorchimis]

No excuses!