r/streamentry • u/BigglesWerth • 22h ago

Practice Is control an illusion? Self inquiry ramble

5 Upvotes

Why does it feel like the thoughts that come up, are specifically there to trigger me and get me to buy in

Sometimes when I am suspicious of them and mindful, they stop for a short while

Even that stopping, I saw yesterday, I didn't do. It's somewhat like a joke, who is doing that, taking it away when i want to see through it

Self inquiry seeking. Who is asking the question, who is looking for an answer, it almost seems like the impulse to find the answer is automatic, and the question is also automatic.

It's hardest to see the automaticness of my triggering thoughts, anxiety about needing to protect myself from perceived threats or regrets. Regrets about not doing enough to control for a better outcome for me.

Who is controlling. It crossed my mind, I need to see the paradoxes. I often just see one side of the paradox. You might say I'm just observing everything, but when the object fades away, so does the observer of that object right? And there is some moments where you feel so immersed that you have no self awareness, no observer then.

I never have the experience of choice. Things just happen. But it feels like I'm doing it. If I wasn't controlling, what would that mean, all the regrets I want to keep don't make sense?

If I say I'm not choosing it, it feels very correct but it has assumption of I. Can I even say I'm not

My thoughts about thoughts are also thoughts. I'm not choosing the analysis. Questioning my thoughts leads to more thoughts, I can't see through control this way

How do I become more skeptical and see through control and doership. I feel I made the most progress when I could summon the skepticism of action ownership

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streamentry - the practice of awakening

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A place for open, friendly and serious discussion related to the practice of meditation and other techniques aimed at developing concentration, increasing the power of conscious awareness, and producing insight leading to awakening. We try to understand Awakening to be a practical and attainable goal that can be from many paths or directions; we welcome all practitioners, including those from Buddhist, Secular, and other backgrounds.

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Recommended Resources

The /r/streamentry Beginner's Guide, a practical workbook for starting out on the path. The guide explains what practice is about, addresses common questions and difficulties, and provides a complete 12-week starter course.
The Mind Illuminated by Upasaka Culadasa. An abridged meditation guide (pdf) is freely available. Also see the dedicated subreddit /r/TheMindIlluminated.

For an alternative, freely-available guide to the same style of meditation, see Thanissaro Bhikkhu's With Each and Every Breath (preview the main practice instructions).
Seeing That Frees by Rob Burbea, a deep exploration of insight for the experienced practitioner. Rob's many outstanding audio talks are also freely available.
Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha by Daniel Ingram (free online, also available in print). Also see the Dharma Overground forums.
Our Pristine Mind by Orgyen Chowang Rinpoche is a pragmatic and secular guide to Dzogchen specifically written for Westerners. Enlightenment is clearly defined and the stages of awakening as understood in Dzogchen are thoroughly explained in plain language. This is a recommended resource for anyone interested in an "awareness-based" approach to Awakening.
Right Concentration by Leigh Brasington, an accessable and comprehensive guide to jhāna practice. Jhāna (meditative absorption) is sometimes described as one of the two wings of awakening, the other being insight practice. See also the book's website, which contains supplementary material.

Also see our wiki resources.