Many of you saw my lasta AmA, where I talked about how I went on hormones and pretty much transitioned without being trans in the "typical" way. For more context, I never felt trapped in the wrong body, in fact I was quite happy being a normal cis-het dude in my day to day life. Quite successful with girls too
I will say, I always did have a fascination with femininity from a young age, which lead me to find crossdressing and eventually feminization and this community. After my last AmA, many people introduced me to the idea of maybe being trans under de gender euphoria umbrella. While this does seem to fit me better I still think I am not trans, of course I am not cis. But, there are many trans experiences which I do not connect to. I wanted to delve deeper into what I feel while transitioning and removing all masculinity from myself, even if I never loathed it and sometimes do miss it.
I am enthralled by the process of becoming a woman and the fact that I can see how my, a masculine and typical man body, each and every day resembles that of a biological woman more. It all started with the first time I did something big, shaving my body. Seeing my legs and arms resemble those of a girl was intoxicating. At first, this was enough. I would shave, wear lingerie, jerk off and then repeat it whenever I got horny. Eventually as many of you know that stops being enough, your brain chases that first high and sexual gratification again, so you push yourself forward. Painting your nails, learning to do makeup, getting a wig...
I won't lie I got pretty good at looking like a woman, I started posting and men would fawn over me for the first time in my life. I wasn't into them, in fact I had never looked at a man and thought he was attractive or that I wanted to be with him. However, being seen as the girl and being wanted exactly like how I had heard woman described became a new form of reaching that high. Eventually this men started to push me forward, a gift card here and there, a lingerie set, my first chastity cage, makeup, wigs, requests! A dream come true for a broke college sissy. Eventually I was finding myself getting horny and instead of looking at girls, going to talk to those same men to see them pleasure themselves to me and how they had pushed me deeper.
"You would look so good with boobs" "Let me see you go on HrT baby" "Have you ever though of transitioning" "If that ass looks like that, imagine after a year of hormones"
All those comments started to ingrain into my sub conscious, of course I had thought of them myself before. But me, a boy with a transformation and feminization fetish became obsessed with the idea of actually doing it. In a way, "forcibly feminizing" myself so that even if it was just a fetish, I would become what I had wanted to see for so long. Someone changing their body so it becomes a woman's body, starting to live as one, getting a boyfriend. All because of a kink they developed when they were younger
This took years and years, but eventually the high from dressing up fully, riding a dildo, getting compliments wasn't enough. My mind needed more, my mind needed to see my body become a woman's one. I needed to be the man that turned himself into a woman. After a little bit of therapy (which concluded with the fact that I was probably not trans) I took the plunge, I got the pills and started HrT.
It was a period of time filled with doubt, am I fucking up my life for a fetish? what if I don't like it and change my body in ways I don't really want? This was especially hard in the period where libido goes down. Letting myself be confronted with the fact that I was turning myself into a woman, while not horny was quite the challenge, as it made it feel real for the first time.
Then, the changes started to be noticeable, my breast were getting fuller, my ass and thighs heavier, and my face and skin softer. Seeing my cock shrink and become feminine while locked was the most sexually gratifying part of all. Watching my literal manhood become smaller, losing presence and starting to look like a little atrophied penis solidified the fact that yes, I am becoming a woman, there was no going back and that even if I stopped I would always be feminine in some way or the other.
Starting to be seen as a woman was quite the shock too, suddenly I was living how girls do, having a normal day to day, being called she. Seeing the world in a similar way that bio women do. Relating to them made me realize that I was in fact achieving my objective.
To conclude, I love how my body looks more womanly every month. It makes me feel like a reached the final point of this fetish and of my transformation kink. I literally did a transformation into a different body. You could say I "became" trans, because yes I do love to live as a woman knowing that I wasn't born this way, that this was the resulta of MY choices. Also, I am into men now, I find myself sexually and romantically attracted to them. Probably because of how most of my sexual experiences have been with them. Strengthening sexual connections and making them overpower the ones I was born with. Of course, I am still attracted to woman, but when I crave sex, I crave to be fucked by a man.
I'm thinking of maybe doing a YouTube series documenting my journey, the journey of becoming a woman and living as one ,as I still think I have long ways to go before I feel complete. Plus I think this is a seriously under-explored topic. Let me know if this is something people would be interested in watching. I certainly would love to make it, as this is something I would have ate up before transitioning.
Everyday I become her, everyday I become more of a woman. That's why I love this, because I started off as a man, but those days are long gone because of my choices