Akhis, when's the last time you got your lady take-out? It's your Islamic duty! Ladies: know your rights!

Discuss.

Aren't we all even non Muslims claiming it as a genocide on people? Doesn't it add more to it? Why it keep happening again and again? Are we really living just individually lives of our own? If not now then when, if not us then who? It's hard for everyone to come on the same page unilaterally unanimously decisions but we did come to a decision, we did classified it as genocide, we did categorized them as terrorist. Where are we from the government to citizens are going wrong, why it is not happening already, how could 95 million and more could be just bystanders?

A lot of times on this sub people will make posts about Iran, Afghanistan, Apostasy laws, Hardline and literalist interpretations then ask us "How do you reconcile with that?"

WE DO NOT

(tagged as rant but not in a negative way)

I just want to ramble about my thoughts and experiences to someone. i don’t have anyone in my life who would understand. I’ve been on such a strong, confusing, and at times stressful journey with religion. I was raised Christian in America and grew up that way until I came out as bisexual in high school and was met with the very conservative views of certain Christians. Left Christianity and that’s where my journey began. But the issue has always been: the more I learn about all religions, the more I realize that no one can prove any of this. not that I think proof is important, but a Hindu can’t prove the existence of his beliefs any more than a Christian can. So finding the right path felt impossible, but I kept trying for 11 years. Until recently I realized how fruitless it was. I tried looking at it from a different angle: Which path will lead me to being the best person? Which path will show the most fruit?? I realized that for me the only religion that actually makes me feel passionate about practicing is Islam. i feel such a stronger connection to God through Islam. sure I felt connected to Jesus and saints when I was Christian but personally it didn’t compare to the remembrance of Allah I find in Islam. I’ve realized this recently and I’m very happy to have come upon this realization. It is lonely as I don’t know any other Muslims in my life but I am still so happy and grateful to feel a sense of closure and love from God.

I plan to make a series of posts on topics where progressive Muslim scholars disagree with one another. For this part, I want to discuss the interpretation of Surah An-Nisa, verse 34, commonly known as the wife-beating verse, and whether the Quran permits husbands to physically discipline their wives.

I looked into the explanations of Khaled Abou El Fadl, Shabir Ally, Mufti Abu Layth, Dr. Adnan Ibrahim, Javed Ahmed Ghamidi, Laleh Bakhtiar, Amina Wadud & Rafi Ullah Shahab. They do not all reach their conclusions in the same way. Here is what I understood from their explanations (and it is entirely possible that I may have misunderstood or misrepresented someone's position, so if I have, please feel free to correct me):

Dr. Adnan Ibrahim & Javed Ahmed Ghamidi

Dr. Adnan Ibrahim understands daraba in Qur’an 4:34 as physical striking. However, he treats it as a severely restricted concession rather than an ideal or recommended practice. It can only be considered after admonition and withdrawal from the marital bed have failed, must not cause injury, and applies to a narrowly defined marital situation. Drawing on Ibn Ashur, he argues that where striking is understood as humiliating or harmful, as it is in many contemporary societies, it should be prohibited.

Link:

• واضربوهن؟ | (It's entirely in Arabic, but you can translate it with the help of any AI chatbot or by the in built translator in the browser, although from my personal experience the browser translators tend to be pretty bad compared to the AI chatbots like Chatgpt or Grok)

Javed Ahmed Ghamidi also understands daraba in Qur’an 4:34 as physical punishment. He interprets the verse as permitting it only in cases of serious nushuz (rebellion that threatens the family structure), not ordinary disagreements. He views it as the final step after admonition and suspending marital intimacy have failed. However, he argues that a state may require this punishment to be administered through a court rather than by the husband himself.

Link:

• ask.ghamidi.org forum post

Khaled Abou El Fadl & Shabir Ally

Khaled Abou El Fadl and Shabir Ally both reject the interpretation that Qur'an 4:34 gives husbands a personal right to beat their wives. However, they still accept "beat" as the correct translation of the Arabic word Daraba. Both scholars argue that the verse should be understood in the context of the surrounding Quranic passages, particularly verse 4:35, which calls for arbitrators to intervene in marital disputes.

Khaled Abou El Fadl argues that the verse concerns suspected sexual impropriety. He challenges the traditional interpretation that nushuz simply means a wife disobeying her husband. He also argues that the passage takes the power of punishment away from the husband as an individual and places it within a community or judicial process.

Links:

• Surah 4: Al Nisa' (Day 3) | Original English Commentary | Project Illumine

Dr. Shabir Ally similarly interprets nushuz as referring to sexual misconduct rather than ordinary disobedience. He connects the measures in verse 4:34 to other Quranic passages concerning sexual misconduct and argues that the addressee is the Muslim community or its leader, rather than individual husbands. In his interpretation, the passage concerns a community-administered punishment, not a husband's right to punish his wife.

Link:

• Quran 4:34

Mufti Abu Layth

Mufti Abu Layth takes a somewhat different approach. He also accepts that daraba means "beat", but he focuses on the historical context of the verse and the ethical direction established by the Prophet.

Mufti Abu Layth argues that physical discipline was part of the culture of seventh-century Arabia. He understands the verse against this historical background rather than treating it as a timeless permission for husbands to hit their wives.

He uses what he describes as a trajectory-based approach to interpretation: revelation engages with the society in which it was revealed while establishing an ethical direction that later generations should continue to follow.

He also points to the Prophet's example and the Islamic emphasis on kindness within marriage. In his view, the Prophet's ethical teachings move away from the physical discipline accepted in that historical culture.

He therefore considers wife-beating forbidden today and describes the ruling as abrogated in its contemporary application.

Link:

• 'The Hitting Verse'[4,34] explained with context & trajectory; Its Haram to hit women PT.1

• 'The Hitting Verse'[4,34] explained with context & trajectory; Its Haram to hit women Pt.2

Laleh Bakhtiar, Amina Wadud & Rafi Ullah Shahab

Laleh Bakhtiar translates daraba in Qur’an 4:34 as “go away from them” rather than “beat them.” She argues that the Arabic word has multiple meanings and that the verse can be understood as instructing husbands to withdraw from their wives rather than physically strike them.

Link:

• The Sublime Quran : The misinterpretation of Chapter 4 Verse 34

Amina Wadud challenges patriarchal interpretations of the verse and questions the assumption that it authorizes husbands to physically discipline their wives. She explored alternative understandings of daraba, including “to set an example”, rather than automatically accepting “beat” as its meaning.

Link:

• Rethinking Gender and Authority: Amina Wadud’s Feminist Approach to Verse 4:34 and Islamic Traditions

Rafi Ullah Shahab proposes that daraba in this verse can mean “to prevent” rather than “to beat.”

Link:

• The Hermeneutics of Problematic Gender Verses in the Qur'an

Where do you stand? (My personal opinion is in the comment)

Link to part 4: https://www.reddit.com/r/progressive_islam/comments/1x94i76/disagreements_among_progressive_muslims_part_4/

pls don’t be harsh , i went on this subreddit because the other muslim subreddits are so scary

but anyway. I have been struggling bad with my faith in islam. I want to believe in god, i envy people who are faithful to their religion and god, but im struggling so bad to keep following religions

My reasons: everything i do i get told ita a sin and more sins mean going to hell. I can’t do anything. not wearing the hijab = sin, listening to music = sin, interacting with opposite gender = sin, wearing short sleeves in public = sin. Is there a point when i’m going to end up in hell anyway? and it’s so contradictory because they say how god is merciful and only god knows where we end up so then why are you insistong the things i’m doing will end up for me in hell?? i try my best to be nice and respectfu, i try my best to pray, i believe in god and follow what im capable of following, but why small stuff will make me go to hell? i’m not sure if that made sense

my other reason is why are people of other beliefs going to hell just because they don’t follow islam? i feel that its a bit unfair, as long as they are a good person and do good deeds, they shouldn’t end up in hell

ive also been asking for signs, like any sign that will make me positive that Allah or even any other god is real but i haven’t gotten anything and ive been asking for years..

im still prating but these thoughts keep coming up in my head. i just need convincing please

So obviously in Islam men are expected to provide for the family while women are expected to nurture the children and take care of the household. But the more I think about it deeply the less reasonable it seems to me.
A man basically needs a well-paying job if his wife doesn’t work and they have children to support. And honestly I don’t think it’s possible to live a healthy and fulfilling life while raising children under these circumstances especially in the world we live in today.
Even when you look back at the past women have always worked pretty much in every country but their work was rarely recognized or paid for. Even in my home country which is a muslim country women have always done physical labor and worked long hours while men have set working hours and then come home to eat and watch TV while their wives continue doing housework.
Because of this many women develop health problems or become overwhelmed with stress but somehow this is considered normal in our religion.
It really makes you think. Women work too but they don’t get paid for it. So I wonder, is the whole idea of “men provide while women take care of the housework and children” actually fair?
I believe both men and women should work and share the responsibilities of raising their children and taking care of the household depending on their individual circumstances and abilities. Of course during pregnancy and after giving birth a woman may need to stay home more than usual to recover and take care of the baby. Which is then I think the verse where it’s said men should provide and women stay at home becomes important but that doesn’t mean she should have to stay home for the rest of her life while the man continues living as he did before. If a man wants his children to have a close relationship with him he also needs to spend time with them, take care of them, and be actively involved in their upbringing. Building a strong bond with your children requires time, effort, and presence from both parents.

Hello, I was born sunni muslim, but always very confused by alot of contradictions in muslim communities. I grew up seeing my father beating my mother and us, my uncle’s completely refusing their daughters, wives etc step outside or even just go near a window. I watched a society that claims women serving men is normal, as well as men being abusive. Why do women have to cover up instead of men just controlling themselves? I was touched inappropriately by many men/boys during my childhood. Amongst them married men with children. Also i don’t understand why it is permissible in islam for men to marry children? And why are men allowed to marry multiple women? Why do i have to talk to my parents even though they were beating me and insulting me since i was little? I deeply believe in Allah, but i believe in a just god, not what men have made of him. I do not understand many things and question my faith quite a lot lately. Also i do not comprehend many things from history, like why did the sahaba attack fatima the daughter of the prophet? I would like it very much for someone to just explain to me, as i never understood this

I posted this on another subreddit but I really need help

Its going to be long but please help

I am a Muslim woman who grew up in a Muslim family. I'm coming here because I feel like a hypocrite and I feel like I'm moving closer to agnosticism than to being a Muslim in the true sense of the word.

I come from an African family, and the way we practice religion differs from that of other muslims. I had many beliefs that I thought were part of the religion, and I learned that they were only cultural beliefs, not religious ones. This affected my relationship with Allah for a very long time, to the point that I wondered whether God hated women. But I learned that those were lies. I also realized that I had no understanding of my religion, not even of the most basic things: I know how to do them, but if someone asks me why, or where they come from, I can't answer. It is humiliating when a child or a non-Muslim asks me why we do this or that, and I just stand there, not knowing what to say.

I know that for some people this may seem trivial, but for me, it is serious. Not to mention that in my culture, we don't ask questions like asking an imam or a scholar "why" is seen as disobedience toward Allah. I tried to search on my own, but I don't even know how or where to start. The women scholars I know only talk about marriage or about how to maintain a home as a Muslim woman; for everything else, they don't want to discuss it. And if you try to explain your doubts to them, they simply tell you to "read the Quran and you will understand."

English is not my native language, and the French-speaking side doesn't discuss this kind of topic much 🥲. I don't understand Arabic, but I can read it. I can't buy books because they are too expensive here and the Quranic schools we have only teach how to recite the Quran. I tried YouTube and TikTok, but they filled my heart with more doubt than anything else. Now, even with the hadiths, I no longer know what to think or even believe. In my country, female genital mutilation (FGM) is still practiced even though it is illegal and people say it is permitted by the hadiths (I couldn't even say which ones because I don't know).

I didn't even know that there were more than two religious branches (Sunni and Shia) to give you an idea of where I stand. And the woman scholar I was listening to on YouTube turned out to be a supporter of FGM, so... And i had to learn that a was part of a sect group and that what we were doing was considered shirk. So basicaly, i am like a revert right now.

On TikTok, I was advised to listen to Omar Souleyman, but it stops there. If anyone can help me figure out where to start and where to look, I would greatly appreciate it.

Hello it's been a very tough year for me and I wanted to turn back to Islam and let Allah guide me back to the deen, I wanted to come on here and ask for any advice on how to pray with the utmost concentration and how to pray all 5 salahs without feeling like its a chore? I also wanted to ask for any resources on relearning how to pray and make whudu just to refresh my mind.

Jazakhallah for all the help

There are certain arguments that make me think hijab is obligatory.

1 - Why did Allah tell women to cover their whole bodies to be recognized? I mean, just covering their hair would've done the job. Heck you can tell if a women is Indian just because of the red dot they put on their forehead. You don't have to cover the whole bodies. I see some women who wear jeans and t shirts and cover their head, and i can immediately identify them as a Muslim.

I am trying to say the verse of Surah Noor was enough to achieve what the Ahzab's verse was trying to achieve. Since covering the chest with Khimar was not the norm, so it could've been used to for the identity. But we don't have any account of women removing their jilbab when Noor's verse was sent down. The whole purpose of Surah Ahzab's verse does not sound useful to me after Noor.

2 - The whole issue of women being harassed was just taking place at night. But Allah did not clarify that Ahzab's verse just applies to night. There are hadiths in Bukhari where women are told to cover even in Eid.

3 - The issue of women being harassed was also just taking place just in Madina. We don't see accounts of women removing it after leaving Madina. Allah made women in the whole caliphate cover. It would've made more sense if we only had women covering in cities where this issue exists.

4 - Surah Noor's is a bit weird to me. First line Allah tells women that any adornment of their body which is normal to be shown can be shown. But in the second line, Allah completely goes against this principle. Since for Arab women, it was normal for their chest to be visible but Allah told them to cover it. Which suggests me that this very weird wording is suggesting that there is a dress code for women. Otherwise, the 2 lines are contradictory.

I have made a lot of dua towards obtaining this specific goal ive been trying to accomplish and while things have somewhat gotten better, today i endured a difficult setback. What makes this setback worse is that it should not have even happened and that not only should i have progressed, i didnt, and ended up going through the opposite in which i now have to make up for that setback which that in itself is not guaranteed either. I genuinely feel like not praying anymore or doing anything of practicing islam since i am so frustrated with Allah since no matter how much effort and improvement and dua i make, i cant have things go smoother than the way they are

Salam, I’m considering getting a small Syrian flag tattoo on my shoulder. I’ve hear debate within Sunni Islam wether or not modern safe tattoos are haram. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Title

My Parents Will Only Let Me Study Abroad If I Marry My Cousin and i don't like idea

alsalam alaikum brother/sister so I been planning to study abroad next year, and I’ve been telling my parents about my plans for a while now. I’ve even told them that I’m willing to take an education loan or find other ways to fund my studies. However, that’s not the real concern here.

The real problem is that my parents are extremely demanding, and honestly, it’s becoming exhausting. I know I shouldn’t complain about my parents, but their behavior has become genuinely frustrating. They treat my brother and me differently. He is allowed to do almost anything he wants without facing much criticism, whereas the rules are completely different for me.

I pray five times a day, wear a hijab, and try my best to fulfil my religious responsibilities. I consider myself a fairly good Muslim, yet my parents still find reasons to criticize me. At this point, I’m genuinely tired of constantly trying to meet their expectations.

I’ve always been good at academics, especially compared to my brother, and my parents know that. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been planning to pursue my higher education abroad. It’s not necessarily about freedom or wanting to do whatever I want. I simply want to study, build a career, and become financially independent. I understand that studying abroad is expensive, so I’ve been willing to take out an education loan and work towards making it possible myself.

However, my parents don’t seem to like the idea. They eventually agreed, but only after I explained my plans in detail and tried to address their concerns. And honestly, if this were my brother, I genuinely believe things would have been different. He has been interested in starting a business, and my parents are willing to invest a considerable amount of money in him. Meanwhile, I’m trying to find ways to fund my own education, yet I still have to fight for the opportunity.

The worst part is that I can’t even bring myself to hate my parents completely. In Islam, respecting your parents is considered extremely important, and I’ve always tried to follow that teaching. But only Allah knows how much I’ve suffered emotionally because of everything that has happened over the years. I still love my parents, but their behaviour has made me feel so much resentment towards them.

And now, after finally getting them to agree to my plans, they’ve introduced another condition: I have to perform nikah with my cousin before leaving for my studies.

I absolutely do not want to marry him. He is one of the most problematic people I know, and although I don’t want to go into detail about everything he has done, he has been involved in multiple relationships and has behaved in ways that make me uncomfortable. My parents know about his behaviour, yet they still want me to marry him.

It honestly feels like they want to maintain control over my life, even after I leave the country. I don’t want to get married right now. I want to complete my education, establish a career, and become financially independent before making such a significant decision. And even if I were to marry him, bringing him to the country where I plan to study would be extremely difficult.

I’m not even looking for a relationship or trying to do anything haram. I simply want to focus on my education and future. My parents know that, yet they still want to impose this condition on me. I can’t help wondering whether they would react the same way if I were their son instead of their daughter.

I’m genuinely confused about what I should do. I want to convince my parents to let me study abroad without forcing me into a marriage I don’t want. I don’t want to disrespect them or hurt them, but I also don’t want to sacrifice my future and happiness just to satisfy their expectations.

I’ve spent years trying to be the daughter they want me to be, and I’m exhausted. I still love them, but I’m also beginning to resent them for the way they treat me.

How do I convince my parents to let me pursue my education abroad without making nikah a condition? How do I make them understand that wanting an education and financial independence doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon my values or disappoint them?

I really need advice because I don’t know what to do anymore.

It’s been a while since i’ve made 5 of my salahs and i wanted to start praying again because it’s been a horrible year without Allahs guidance. Links to resources with relearning salah and whudu would be so helpful along with tips on how to pray with concentration

Salam alaikum, the topic of slavery used to bother me a lot until i learned about sheikh Ghamdis interpretation of verses talking about slavery. I wont go too deep into his work, however he argues that the Quran cut off new supply of new slaves from prisoner or war, and the practice continued due to pollticial reasons.

However, prior to this abolishment, how did the Muslims deal with civilians during war? Obviously slavery was allowed, but was enslaving civilians allowed? If it was this would really cause internal discomfort for me since civilians didn’t do anything and don’t have anything to do with war. I am looking for evidence that enslaving non combatants is haram. could someone point out some sources?

Salam alaikum, the topic of slavery used to bother me a lot until i learned about sheikh Ghamdis interpretation of verses talking about. I wont go too deep into his work, however he argues that the Quran cut off new supply of new slaves from prisoner or war, and the practice continued due to pollticial reasons.

Either way, if we accept his take, then before the abolishment of slavery, How did the Muslims interact with civilians during a war who were innocent? Conservative fatwas say that it’s halal to enslave civilians, however I’m looking for evidences of the opposite (evidence that enslaving non combatants is haram). Would someone please guide me in this matter ?

hello..im trying my best to pray consistently after adhd burnout...

i sometimes do 5 a day. sometimes none at all, usually i do 3 and 2 late ones.

today i had back to back lectures for 8 hours in uni. i couldnt do anything except for drink water and go to the bathroom. i kept doing wuduu and trying to pray but i ended up missing them all.

i do know that i should take it slow and try my best but i keep having overwhelming anxiety that i will die before i get better and Allah won't be pleased with me. how do you guys suggest i sleep at night from this feeling. it makes me paralyzed, unable to pray, and unable to do anything else as well

When I say 50/50, I mean 50/50 on everything including domestic affairs relating maintenance of home and children not just financially.

For context , I am from a third world african country but I lived in the Uk for a lot of my life so I have seen the extreme contrast in economies. I do believe a lot of verses have to be taken as guidance instead of 100% obligatory or else it’s haram and roles in marriage is one of them. I personally after speaking to many muslim women in the west just trying find out what the status quo is, I find that alot majority of muslim women that I talked to (mostly irl)say they won’t be able to truly respect their husbands if he’s going 50/50 with them in eveything not just financially but domestic load too, that they want to be taken cared of even if they work while knowing a home can’t be run on the finances of one person nowadays especially. I personally have decided to refrain from marrying until my mid 30s where I know I can financially take care of a woman because I find it less risky. Khadijah RA in a better financial position when married to the prophet peace be upon him and she was the Provider for the most part, granted men today are not the Prophet Peace be upon him and never will be but women today also are not Khadijah RA, yet no one wants to arrive at a compromise. My only challenge is staying chaste and avoiding zina until then which is incredibly hard where I live but I have made it this far so may Allah be with me. The overlying issue is that majority men and women don’t want to wait that long to marry, we are encouraged to marry young but it almost impossible in this day and age and though we don’t like to talk about it, zina is a real risk in today’s society. Marriage should be made so easy that divorce is easy as well.

Yes Quran encourages men to be the provider because they are able to earn and gather more resources but this was 1400 years ago, yes this is still true in most parts of the world but I’m talking about the west where women work just as much as men and in some instances even surpass them, as a result the economy is made to force ppl to go 50/50 on everything . In part I blame social media like tiktok and instagram, it has warped everyone’s standards, it is why I refrain from going on those apps as much as possible because I do think some men would be able to provide for women but is may not be the bountiful life the woman wants either because of the lifestyle her family already provides her which is understandable or cuz of social media which is unfortunate and concerning . That’s fine , everyone has their standards and preferences but this my message to young men out there, stay chaste first and foremost and when marrying, use discernment to find someone that is easily content. You cannot go to bill gates’ daughter and ask her to lower he standards for u nor should u marry a woman whom is easily influenced by social media, If u want bill gates’ daughter, make bill gates’ money lol. There are many good muslim women out there, seek them out thoroughly if u know u 100% want to marry young, you’ll find someone who will compromise with u. If Allah alone can suffice u until death then peace unto u. I fear a great deal of muslims will be unmarried in the uk and the rest of the west in the next decades, everyone is so unhappy.

I will say tho , I don’t believe a woman should work while she is pregnant, even in a 50/50 marriage , I would run my pockets dry to keep everything flowing fine (as that is what my dad did for my mom when she was pregnant with my little sister)

what I mean is, is this Islam subreddit the only one who say music is not is haram or drawing living being is not haram and something like that? is there other Islam subreddit that doesn't always picking the hardest opinion?

This is a popular song of the band "The Beatles": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSSqHhAqxrk

I'm confused about some parts of the lyrics as it contains "Mother Mary" coming to him:

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

...

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me

Shinin' until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Is it shirk to listen to this song?

(I don't believe music is haram in general, but the specific lyrics in this song is making me question)