I've been doing my due diligence and reading past posts on recontracting thoughts, but I feel it's put me in more of a rut. I joined JET straight out of graduating college, as it was the only program I was accepted to (I had also applied to Fulbright, Princeton in Asia, and the Blakemore Foudation). I was over the moon, but since arriving here, I think one of my biggest regrets is joining the workforce in Japan and moving here, instead of keeping my experiences to travel and studying abroad. I've made a long-winded post before about how I've been really struggling to get access to the medical care I need (and it's just for type one diabetes). I blew through half of my byokyuu just trying to find a hospital, and will blow through the rest getting "insulin pump education" and having to return every three months to get prescriptions for my medication. My BOE informed me that I'll eventually have to dip into nenkyuu for this.
On top of my medication troubles, I find myself not quite miserable, but not quite happy. I don't necessarily enjoy my job-- I like my elementary school, its kids, and its staff, but I hate my junior high school, which is riddled with sexual harassment and pretty blatant racism even after I addressed it. At my JHS especially, I find many days with no classes at all, and on days with classes, I more or less just stand in the front as decoration. I have a little more involvement at my ES, but still mostly exist to read and check over work. I know this is the standard ALT experience, but I feel like everyone around me is super utilized, super involved with planning lessons and joining after school clubs, and I just kind of exist as a decorative gaijin. Not to mention, I find Japanese work life suffocating. Things both inside and outside the school are tedious, bureaucratic, and quite frankly, pretty antiquated. I miss diversity as well. Like I said, I'm not miserable, since I have a great group of friends, a spot in my community, and a love for my placement. Just the work and my BOE have been extremely difficult to feel a sense of purpose and excitement for every day.
Additionally, I feel this is just a pit stop. Everything here is temporary, because I don't plan to stay and plan to return and make my roots back home in the States. I feel that every purchase is meaningless, because probably most things won't make it back with me due to expensive shipping costs, and I can't help but want to begin to start my life, my real life, back home. But there's so much to see and travel is cheap, so that's another thing that's giving me pause. Additionally, the States are in no shape for a young person like me to get started, but really, nowhere is.
One of the top things I saw when looking through other Reddit posts is that "you need a reason to leave after your first year, after your second, you need a reason to stay." I don't have any strong reasons pulling me either way, but I worked hard to get here and I've put a lot of money in already, and maybe it's because I'm still new that I feel like I'm extremely underutilized at my job. On the other hand, I miss my family and certain food, miss being able to communicate and understand things clearly, and most of all, miss the ease of getting my education and a culture that I'm familiar with.
I'm not necessarily asking for you to make the decision for me, but I am asking for guidance. I have to make my final decision in less than a month. I know I can always break contract, but if I can help it, I don't want to. I don't want to be on bad terms with my first real employer outside of university. So any advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance.