64M. Anyone else feel the same? I just can't do OLD anymore and feel good about it. Maybe the only thing OLD did for me was make me realize I'm a solid 5 in looks, an 8 in body, and a 9 in finances.

Just back from a group hiking trip to Spain with other trips on the horizon. Hello Dublin!

I've gone through my lonely stage and it's been peaceful for a long while. In reflection, I've tried too many times to be the savior to a partner not really interested in me for the long term. It's humbling but definitely ok. I'm hoping I can recognize that situation going forward.

To address the title, I'm out and about living amongst you, but there's nothing that makes me stand out in a crowd. I flew jets in a previous career and finishing a separate, senior position in the IT field. But we can't wear our resumes in public, can we.

For now, I'm like a lot of others who are frustrated as seniors and not desiring to be on OLD, hiding in plain sight.

Cheers on this Sunday afternoon.

I (52f) just woke up alone on a lovely, lazy Sunday morning. I've been waking up alone for many years now. For some reason, its hitting me differently today. I feel like this is a permanent state of being. That i will be waking up alone forever. I put a lot of effort into dating and mindfully putting myself out there. With no positive results. I think its just getting to me this morning.

Anyone else feel like they will wake up alone forever?

not sure i should be dating until i get a better handle again on IRL social skills. However, my list below can hopefully go either friends or romantic, depending on vibes. 

I do need some help. I’m stalling out around step 7 and losing it by step 9. Which is a lot of steps, yes, but thus my brain. 

1. See interesting person. Mentally go OOOOOO
2. Stop! Consider context! Is this an appropriate time/ place/ activity/ human etc?
3. If romantically interested, check for wedding ring to establish relationship status (other clues?) if friendly interested, don’t worry about rings, just take deep breath and remind myself I can do this
4. Make eye contact (or try. just one glance, right? no endless staring)
5. See if they respond in turn with eye contact on any significant level (whatever this looks like)
6. Read the room, body language, etc, and repeat this check-in at 30-second intervals in the process continually thereafter 
7. Smile and say... something? (but nothing about personal appearances, bodies, etc.) 
8. See if they’re picking up what I’m putting down (how long? 10 seconds? 30 seconds? What are signs I should back off? Other than they stare at me in horror, I think I can figure that out)
9. Um
10. Help? literally no way to do this without saying some version of “want my number?” or “can i have your number?” but how to get there
11. See what happens next 
12. be okay with rejection and not knowing reasons why, learn from it without personalizing it
13. try again! (obvs with a different person next time)

Practicalities: Do I need a pen? For my number? I hate pulling out my phone in public. But no one carries paper, which leaves writing a number on a body part and just no.

Also, I don’t give my personal number, right? I do the google voice thing or whatever? (Saw it on an earlier post, must look it up again) just in case they’re a stalker and/or an axe murderer.

thank you in advance. i will take feedback and then run practice drills with sock puppets. and i solemnly swear never again to spend so much time on the internet that i lose all my people skills! believe it or not, back in the 90s i could actually do most of the above. use it or lose it, yikes

I have been dating someone for the past two months and we are very sexually compatible however of the several times we have been intimate he has only had one orgasm. Is this common for older men? He is definitely turned on, no ED, says he still enjoys it and we plan to work on it but I’m not sure how to get my head around attaching him having an orgasm to how attracted he is to me.

At 59, I've realized that I don't have the patience for games anymore. I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to say it. I've noticed that the older I get, the more I appreciate younger energy, and the less I care about what society thinks about age gaps. For those of you over 50, do you find that age becomes completely irrelevant when the chemistry is right? Or do you still prefer someone in your own age bracket?

I'm (51F) giving up on Hinge because I keep getting the same men I pass on turn up in my feed. A guy I matched with and talked to on Tinder ended up being a scammer looking for money, which I did not give him. I am convinced that I will not find a solid partner around my age or age gap anymore.

Not against dating. I just reached a point where being alone feels a lot better than being around the wrong people. Peace is hard to compete with.

55M here. Last Friday, I met a woman for dinner that I had matched with through a dating app. Online, it seemed like we had great chemistry and alot of similar interests.

So it was unexpected when she texted me after dinner saying "I don't feel the spark needed for a romantic relationship with you". It was even more shocking considering it was the second time I had been told his recently.

*I don't think I have a poor appearance: I'm fit and friendly. I had just started dating in Jan of this year after a 30 year relationship ended. These two happened to be the two I was most interested in this year.

Could someone help me understand what is going on here?

Because of where I live and how I live, it's pretty unlikely that I'll meet someone without the apps. But it's so hard for me to be on them--I just feel like I have to turn myself into a product for endless strangers to peruse and judge. I realize they're also on there for me to peruse and judge, but it somehow doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm guessing this is a common struggle? How do you talk yourself into feeling better about the whole thing?

Hi All. 51F divorced a year ago. Just started using online dating apps. I'm seeing a guy, we went to 2 dates so far. First one was a couple of hours only. Second one was a movie then a quick coffee. I know I don't know him yet but I'm interested to seeing him more. Between the dates and after organizing even the first one, there is no communication via texting or phone call at all. Is this normal? Is this what is called a "slow burn"? Is he being avoidant or not interested at all? Gives me anxiety.

57yo man, Philly area of PA, back in the dating scene after 30+ years. I seem to have no clue how dating works anymore. Am I the only one who feels this lost?

I know it's futile to vent about it. What the hell is wrong with people.

Guy I met on OLD, texted for 3 days. Consistent, friendly, reliable in responding and initiating converversation. No obvious red flags. Seemed genuinely interested.

Set up a date. Day before he said he'd text after work around 2.30 pm and let me know when he left as we planned to meet 4 pm ish. At 3.50 pm I send "I guess it's not happening. I would have appreciated a brief text to let me know instead have me wait around." At 4 pm he deletes the chat and blocks me.

It is really hard to stay positive. I can't even count the amount if times I have been disrespected, inappropriately sexualized und stood up since the beginning of the year.

Sure, you're gonna say don't do OLD, you're asking for it, your fault.

I’m going out tonight with someone I’m excited about, so I’m going to wear date night underwear. You know, the pair that is sexy, a little uncomfortable but makes you feel desirable?

Do we ALL have underwear we only wear on dates? Am I insane?

I pretty sure I know what I need to do, so just looking to see if I a way off basis here.

I went on a second date with a women today. We've been talking on the phone and texting fairly regularly. She has a demanding job in a medical field. I always initiate texting in the morning and at night. Our first date was over a week ago 10/9. Today was our second date 10/17, we went to a nice resturant bar and we had a couple of drinks and talked for two hours. The conversation was nice but more friendly then romatic, her body language was closed off. We sat at the bar next to each other. I was turned and facing her with an open body. Her hips were slightly turned away from me and her legs were crossed away from me, so I was on her right, her hips were slightly turned left and her right leg was crossed over her left almost the entire time.

This was similar to our first date which did lasted 5 hours and she seemed to have a really good time, but I did not put much stock in to her body language then because it was our first meeting. On the first date, we ate dinner and then went and sat at the bar for a couple of hours. Her body was slightly turned away from me.

On our first date we also hugged when we first met, this time we did not. I tried to precent myself for a hug but not in an obnoxious way but she just walked by and went in to the restaurant. When we left she did hug me but it felt a bit transactional.

I did asked her before she left how we were doing and she said fine and that she takes it slow, but I get the feeling she likes me but is not really that into me. I said I am not looking for a friend but more of a romantic partner and she agreed. She said people do not use the Apps to find friends. We never made definitive plans to see each other again, but she said she would reach out and possibly do something mid week.

I lean more anxious attachment style specially early on, but her body language was clear. I am new to dating but not new to body language. She was closed off. I wonder if I am reading to much into this, but it doesn't feel like she is that into me.

My thought is to pull back a bit and stop initiating. I should match her energy. What do you all think? I know it is only the second date, but her body language threw me off today. I assumed she would face me a bit more. If I was at a bar and there was a strange woman next to me and she was sitting like my date was, I would not bother her.

This post https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/s/fnRWgwXyJi

reminded me of food-practice incompatibilities I've tolerated in the past, thinking it was a reasonable compromise.

In your relationships, have you experienced any differences in eating approaches?

Have you ever pushed your own comfort zones, or accepted eating within a limited range, when with a partner?

So- met a man on Tinder…. Had a LOT in common. Both dog lovers and owners, both with weight issues and fighting the fight, both educationally and financially equal, non-religious- and he was a real gentleman (like holding doors and chairs and such)
Oh! And movie lovers!
A month in, and he says he “isn’t ready for a relationship”. That I’m ready (been single for 6 years) but he isn’t.
Like… maybe don’t go on a dating site if you’re not ready.
Oh well
Back to the drawing board, I guess

Just thought I'd share a new option I just found a few weeks ago that, so far, I've really enjoyed! I was searching on Eventbrite for Humanist events which brought up a lot of cool events that I hadn't otherwise found. One of them is called Lectures on Tap. They are in many of the larger cities (Chicago, Atlanta, Philly, etc). Anyway, they are fun lectures like True Crime in the Gilded Age or History of Super Heros. Held at local pubs with rotating speakers (usually local experts). For $30-ish, I had a great night, met tons of people, and already signed up for my next one - a free event panel discussion on history of housing and social justice.

People recommend all the time that the way out of OLD Hell is just to go do the things we enjoy without the transactional expectations of meeting a partner. That can be easier said than done - how much pickleball can we all play? And many events seem like couples only. I found myself looking forward to these events and the atmosphere is very opening. I made a few friends, one my age, and just overall had a better experience than a years worth of swiping.

If you Google Lectures on Tap you can find your city. If you search for humanist on Eventbrite you may find similar events near you.

Just thought I'd share!

I am 48F and just ended a 2-year relationship with a 55-year-old man. Part of his rhetoric, which i hated, was his thinking that women above 45 were lacking in choices and should not be choosy, but I will not talk about him in this post. For context, I am a widow and had a good experience being in a partnered relationship. Given my experience, I had always assumed I would grow old with someone but after this experience with him. I have started to think I might need time for my own growth and should dip out of dating for now. At the same time, I cannot help thinking about what he said and wondering if dating will only get harder for me from here on, and if I plan to be in a partnered relationship, I should probably start earlier rather than later. Without a doubt i feel dating is much harder at 48, even when compared to when I first started in my early 40s. I just wanted to hear from others who are ahead of me and what you would say to your younger 40-something selves about what you would have done or not done. Thank you so much!

You all have heard from me before - 55F. So, I just figured out something I should have been doing all along. As soon as I match with someone on FB dating, just reverse image search their damn photos. I know, I know - I should have figured this out already. But DAMN! I was talking to 3 seemingly nice connections and I thought before we moved off the app I would reverse image search. NOT ONE OF THEM WAS REAL! So block, unmatch, and lesson learned. Always do that search. It isn't 100% because if you can't find an image that is an exact match it doesn't mean all is well. But if you DO, you can block and move on. So please, no scolding me. I just wanted to share this as an "duh" moment and so I remember how important it is. Three in one day. UGH!!!

Let's be realistic: relationships with a large age gap are merely physical and rarely last forever—they only last until physical looks begin to fade; in other words, they have an expiration date. The older partners are simply wasting their time. It’s sad, but true; I don't see anyone here showing off a 70-year-old partner while they are 55—and if that \*is\* the case, please prove me wrong. To the older ones: take care of yourselves and look for someone your own age. Think about your future, because the other person will still be young enough to find another partner, whereas the older one won't be. Take care, and God bless you.

I’ve been reading posts here about how hard it’s been for everyone trying to meet people, and as a lesbian in my early 50s thinking about getting back out there, just hearing what it’s like nowadays and reflecting on my own attempts feels like a whole different level of overwhelming.

It’s been almost a decade since I was last in a proper relationship. Now that I’m thinking about seriously dipping my toes back in, I hear horror stories regardless of sexual orientation, and it feels like the world of meeting people has completely changed. From what I have tried over the years, my own experience has mostly been dodging endless scammers, catfishes, and men trying to infiltrate women-only spaces online. Navigating the lesbian dating pool at this stage feels a hundred times worse than it used to.

People always say, "You just need to get out there into the clubs and pubs!" But honestly... do any of us actually want to hang out in places like that? Let’s be real, at our age, our ideal Friday night extreme sport is racing home from work, making a nice dinner, and aggressively vetting Netflix shows on the sofa until sleep takes over.

I know the usual advice is that we won't meet anyone if we don't jump on the apps, but it genuinely feels like society somehow managed to break those for single people too. Seems single people can't have nice things 😪

​Is anyone else out here feeling completely overwhelmed by how hard this is right now but see a way out of this mess?

Dating in your fifties has left me with a question I’d genuinely like to debate.
I’m 50, based in the south of the UK, tall, well spoken, reasonably successful in my career, and have done the work to be happy in life after divorce.

I know what I bring to a relationship. I’m not looking for someone to complete me; I’m looking for someone to share life with.

I don’t do online dating. I’ve found the quality of connections disappointing and the emotional fallout all too real. I’d much rather meet someone in the wild, have a spontaneous conversation and discover whether there’s a genuine connection.

The problem? That’s harder, more random, and I’m not out and about enough for it to happen regularly.
Here’s where it gets interesting. When I meet a woman I genuinely like, my natural instinct is to be warm, engaging, interested, affectionate and funny. I enjoy making someone feel wanted. I’m a big, strong bloke who loves a hug, and the idea of curling up together watching a film appeals far more than endlessly wining, dining and trying to sell myself.

Yet that approach often gets me nowhere.
When I pull back, show less interest, become less predictable and focus more firmly on what I want, the attention and dates seem to follow. I’m also upfront about my non-negotiables: kindness, humour and a healthy, active sex life. I’ve no intention of repeating a dead-bedroom relationship.

So what exactly is going on?
Are we attracted to people who make us feel wanted, or to people whose interest we have to work to secure? Has showing genuine enthusiasm become confused with neediness, while emotional distance gets mistaken for confidence?

And here’s the question that might be more uncomfortable: why is the responsibility to adapt so often placed on the person who shows their interest openly?

I’m not suggesting women are all the same, or that playing games is exclusive to either sex. Nor am I suggesting that being warm entitles anyone to romantic interest. Nobody owes us attraction.
But surely we can acknowledge the contradiction between saying we want honesty, emotional availability and clear communication, then sometimes responding more enthusiastically to the opposite.

I don’t want to manufacture scarcity or pretend to be less interested than I am. Equally, I’m not going to keep investing in someone who gives nothing back. So, for those dating in their forties and fifties, I’d genuinely like to hear your experiences.

Is playing it cool simply part of attraction, or have we normalised dating behaviour that rewards emotional unavailability? And do men and women hold themselves to the same standards they expect from a potential partner?

Would love to hear your views on this.

We met on tinder. We’ve gone on three fun dates and then he’s come over to my house twice. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I like him a lot. Honestly I didn’t know if it was possible for me again. My second divorce was October 2025. I’ve gone out with 5-6 guys since then with no spark. Posting this in case it helps give anyone hope!