Mourning/Loss Two days ago I said goodbye to my heart kitty, Mikey
My wife rescued Mikey from her vet office 5 years ago, the owners were going to put him to sleep. He was urinary blocked and they couldn't afford to take care of him. My wife saw him and couldn't let that happen, so we adopted the kitty and took over his care. We changed his name from Klaus to Michael Myers (we're big into Halloween and all our critters have themed names). But "Mikey" was what we called him.
I remember when he first came home.. I just didn't *get* him. He wasn't behaving like what I expected a cat to behave like. We had 1 other kitty at the time who very much fit the definition of cat. But Mikey ... he would paw at his water bowl and knock it over, constantly. He would just rub on everything. He'd climb on shoulder and rub against my head. I didn't really understand his language.
But over the last 5 years we grew very close. I was working from home and around him all the time. I began to appreciate his nuzzling and would nuzzle back. He liked to push his head through the stubble on my face. I somehow discovered he liked twist ties, so I would make a loop out of 2-3 of them and throw them, he'd fetch them and bring them back. He loved it so much he would often come to my desk and just stare at me or put a paw on my leg to remind me it was play time. Here is a post of him from 5 years ago. His eyes would get sooo wide.
He would climb up on my shoulders and wrap himself around my neck like a scarf then just fall asleep. When it was cooler out I would wear a hoodie and he would practically sit in it while perched on my shoulder.
He had an interesting purr. You almost never heard it but if you put your ear to his chest you would hear this steady low rumble, not fluctuating with his breathing but just a constant love. I think this rumble almost never stopped. He also rarely meowed like a cat did. Often it would be like a "ah-ah". Like a squeaking or chirping. It was adorable.
I could pick Mikey up and just hold him for a seemingly indefinite amount of time. He would just settle into my arms, nuzzle my face and he had this look of absolute contentment on his face. If I had to put him down he'd often clutch on to my shoulder, not wanting to leave.
He loved to sleep next to me. Often it was right at my shoulder level. He would climb into bed, nuzzle me (often SLAMMING his head into my face) then settle down with his soft rumbling purr and sleep the whole night there. Sometimes he'd sleep on my pillow above my head. I loved that.
That kitty was so full of love. He would often try to groom the other cats, though they didn't really like it. He would wrestle with our first cat but always play fighting (and he would always win). If you tied to rough him up a bit you could eventually get him to grab you with his paws but using practically no claws. And then he'd just lick your hand instead of biting.
He had kind of a resting face that made him look angry but I know he never was. And when he was curious it would turn to this wide-eyed derpy face. He loved to stretch out his paws. Often when sleeping or lounging around he would do it with his front legs fully extended. It was adorable.
There was always some curious hints about his former family. For instance, Mikey always wanted to be in the basement. He'd go to the basement door and just meow and paw at it. I'd take him down once in a while and he'd just wander around happily chirping. Also there was something about whistling. Sometimes I'd be absently whistling and he'd come up to me all curious and doing his "ah-ah" meows, like he was thinking "Oh, I didn't know it was you!" like I was one of his previous owners. Always made me kinda sad, like he missed them.
He was a bit of a troublemaker too. Loved to be on the counters. Partially because he wanted to watch the birds through the window and partially to see if there was any butter around he could lick. But he never did anything seriously bad.
A couple years ago we started noticing he was having these weird episodes. It almost always seemed to happen when it was time to eat. He'd get to his food bowl, then turn away like he was disgusted and run downstairs. Then he'd kinda go into a corner of the room and he looked panicked. He would sit awkwardly, drool a bit and seemed he couldn't really focus on anything. Just breathe heavily and look scared. It was very troubling. He sometimes would wobble around a bit like he was unsteady. A minute later and he'd be fine again, looking to go eat his food. We took him to the vet but they didn't know what to make of it.
I don't remember what tests led to this specifically, but earlier this year Mikey was diagnosed with a heart condition. I don't really understand all the terms but he had some muscles around his heart that were enlarged. Made it tough for his heart to pump. We got the news and .. it was crushing. We knew he wouldn't have as long of a life.
We started him immediately on some meds, don't ask me what they were or how they were supposed to work. We got him an EKG and it was confirmed that it was bad. And getting worse. We put him on more meds. Fortunately he got into the routine of taking the meds very well. I'd put the meds in pill wrap and cover them with Churu. It became a routine for us. 11:00 am he got half of one pill, 11:00 pm he got the other half of that pill and 1/4 of two other pills. The other kitties (since we had 2 more at this point) also enjoyed getting in on the Churu.
We had another EKG a few months ago, he was getting slightly worse but it seemed the meds were helping slow things down. He hadn't had another episode since the meds started. I knew we likely wouldn't get a full life with him but it was seeming possible that we had more time than we thought. I .. lived in denial about the fact that he had a very serious heart condition that could cause an abrupt end to his life.
Unfortunately earlier this year I got laid off. I had a good severance package but it was no longer reliable income. About a month ago my severance ended and I found a temporary office job to try to make ends meet. Crummy part is it required me to wake up at 6am so I could get ready and drive an hour to work, then an hour back home for about 6pm. It really ate up a lot of my day, time I usually spent with Mikey. And I'm just so tired after getting home.
I needed the money but I absolutely regret taking the job because of the time I lost with Mikey.
Two days ago, I got up at 6:00 am. I spent a few minutes snuggling with Mikey who was in his normal spot next to my head. I think it was 6:05 or so before I actually got out of bed. I figured .. it's not the end of the world if I show up to work a couple minutes later, I was usually early anyway. I'm so glad I spend those extra minutes with him.
At 6:15 I was downstairs getting all the food bowls ready (I prepared wet food for each kitty on different diets) and wanted to give him his pill. Since I had started my job I started giving him his pill earlier in the morning and evening, it just aligned better with my schedule. I called him down .. and he just came tottering into the kitchen. Almost limping. I thought he was having another episode. I started recording it on my phone like I always do, as evidence for the vet. But this was different.
He limped through the kitchen, into the corner of the room and flopped down. He had a scared look in his eyes. I pet him a bit to try to calm him but he stopped moving so I couldn't really see what was wrong. I picked him up and put him in the middle of the room and saw more clearly.. his hind end wasn't working right. His back legs.. he was practically dragging himself along. He made it to a dog bed and just flopped there, looking so scared. I grabbed my wife and told her something was wrong. She said he threw a blood clot. It suddenly hit me that this was the inevitable end we were warned of.. I was not ready.
We bundled him up in blankets and rushed him to the vet (oh, and salt on the wound, we got 1/4 of a mile from the house and my car stalled out. Never buy a 2015 Jeep Renegade, awful cars. I had to sprint home and grab my wife's car and drive back to get them). We go to the vet, of course hitting so much traffic and red lights. Get there, give him pain meds and get the confirmation. "Saddle thrombus" was the term. We had a choice. Pain management for a few days and see if he will recover use of his legs (likely a week or more) or put him to sleep.
You gotta understand how fast this all happened. It was early, I was barely awake and here we are deciding the fate of our cat. I was an absolute wreck. Hell, I still am. It was the look on his face that decided it for me. That creature was so full of love I never wanted him to experience the kind of pain he was. Pain meds would go a long way to help that but he would still be uncomfortable and unhappy. And he may never walk right again. And after all that he still had his heart condition - this would happen again. How much did I want my cat to suffer? Not at all.
So we made the choice. I know it was right but it still haunts me. They brought us into a room, took him out of oxygen and set him up with a catheter. They left us alone to say goodbye. I didn't realize they were waiting on us to tell them we were ready. He was on the table, trying to move, in pain, frothing at the mouth due to the medication. At that moment I was more concerned with how he was feeling than ensuring I got any closure. I had them come in.
The doctor had 2 .. doses to inject. The first knocked him out. It was so fast. I was caught off guard with how fast it was, he was alert one second and asleep the next. And before I could do anything the doctor followed it up with the lethal dose. And just like that, he was gone. I couldn't believe it. I'm not saying they did anything wrong, I was glad he wasn't suffering anymore. But it was all so fast. So damn fast.
We got some paw prints, some fur and I said goodbye to my Mikey. Walking away from his body was so hard.
We were home by 10:00. And there was still a whole day left I had to get through. I didn't go to work. I tried to sleep but couldn't. I was so worked up. My head was spinning. I spent the whole day in a daze, alternating between sobbing and just wandering around. I couldn't do anything to make me even the slightest bit more comfortable. I just didn't want to exist. I didn't wanna kill myself, I just .. wanted to step away from my life for a while. But that wasn't an option.
My wife, my amazing wife who brought Mikey into our lives to begin with, took me out to try to distract me. I knew she was hurting too but she was trying to be strong for me. We both loved Mikey very much but there was no denying the attachment I had to him. I'm sorry to say I wasn't very good at being strong for her.
Yesterday I went to work. And it was my birthday. It was so hard to go through the day, having people wish me a happy birthday and thank them. They didn't know what was going on and I didn't wanna tell everyone. So I did my best to hide it all. My dad took me out for lunch and I kept it together. My wife took me out for dinner and she genuinely did make me feel better. Somehow I got to sleep last night.
Today, I'm back at work. I do feel a little better. A little. I know we gave Mikey a good life. He got 5 more years with a loving family and he made our lives so much better. I try to hold on to that. But.. it's hard.
I thought typing all this out would help. But now I'm just crying at work. Oh well. I don't expect anyone to read this, I typed a lot about a creature no one knows or cares about.
I love you, Mikey.
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u/Teresa2475 12h ago
I read every word and I am in tears.I’m so happy that Mikey had another chance at life and that you got a chance to know and love him.I am so very sorry for your loss but I am glad that Mikey was able to experience such a love with someone who loved him as much as you.He is a very handsome baby boy.🩶
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u/MrSmock 12h ago
Thank you so much, that means a lot. I think this hits hard for me because this is my first real pet loss. I had some pets as a kid but never had much of a connection to them. Never really understood them. They were just creatures living in the same house that j could pet once in a while. But not Mikey (or my other critters) .
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u/queensla 12h ago
My first thought was that your post would be too long to read. But I read it and it carried me through a beautiful story of a special cat and his special people. I have loved cats and lost those cats and I know how it feels. It's horrible and beautiful and my life has been richer for it all.
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u/_realpaul 12h ago
Soulmates never die. They move to another plane but a part of them stays with you. Always.
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u/DankMemeMasterHotdog 12h ago
RIP Mikey, my little Rue has a similar purr to what you describe. Completely imperceptible unless you snuggle up to her, but almost always going like a little engine.
Sounds like you gave him 5 years of bliss and I'm sure he knew he was loved.
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u/No_Molasses_3079 12h ago
he was a good one and you gave him a wonderful life and much love RIP Mikey
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u/Gnomus_the_Gnome 12h ago
You loved him so much and you did right by him as best you could. He loved you back. I would have let you stay home but I hope you don’t have to put on a mask and pretend to be ok.
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u/Ambitious-Confusion6 12h ago
Poor Mikey was suffering so much at the end. You made the right choice to end his pain and allow him to go to the rainbow road. I too, was full of guilt and blamed myself for what happened to my cat. Don't be hard on yourself, you gave him an amazing life and he loved you so much. One day you two will be reunited but until then, give yourself the time to heal and mourn.
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u/Dull_Bat9518 12h ago
I am sooo sorry💔😭, this sounds almost exactly like what our 8 yr old tabby boy Hondo went through a little over a year ago😭😭... it happened so fast, we are still heart broken... 'saddle thrombosis' is what i think it was as i keep looking for answers, also more common than i imagined, many same stories here on Reddit as well... was the most tramatic situation i have ever been through with a fur baby💔🥺
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u/MrSmock 12h ago
Thank you and I'm so sorry to hear about your Hondo. It really is jarring how quickly this stuff can happen, to the point where it doesn't feel real. It felt like such a blur that maybe I could just snap out of whatever hallucination I was having and Mikey would be back. No such luck, sadly.
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u/BeautifulNo6017 12h ago
My heart goes out to ya bud.Oceans of love and what not. It'll be ok. My three will catch up with em. I lost them all about three years ago.
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u/davidaprice 11h ago
An absolutely stunning tribute for an absolutely stunning boy. I’m so sorry. All the love to you. My thoughts are with you all.
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u/Ok-Incident2714 11h ago
This has left me in tears OP, Mikey was loved, you've given him a good life and rest easy that he'll be in a better place. I'm so sorry for your loss :( This is so heartful, the memories I've had flashed through my head reading this
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u/HunnyBear66 11h ago
It's our job to make sure they do not suffer. You did the right thing. Blood clots are so painful and he didn't understand. You helped him cross the bridge and set him free. He was a beautiful boy! The last picture is so sweet. Hugs! I know it's hard and it hurts but you loved him and he loved you. You did the correct thing. Good night sweet Mikey! 💔🌈💜
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u/Spiritual_Focus_5296 11h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss of your soul cat Mikey . May his memories help to heal your heart
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u/Virtual_Option_6728 11h ago
We know about Mikey, and we care believe me. I had the same thing happen to one of my girls 14 years ago, she had CKD and I found out later that they're more susceptible to clots because of that. Just keep reminding yourself that without the years of care he wouldn't have had the life he did; I very much know how little my words may mean right now. I'm sorry I can't do more to ease the crushing pain you're feeling.....
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u/MrSmock 9h ago
Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment. I know it will just take time. It will never go away but it will ease. Getting there will be rough.
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u/Virtual_Option_6728 5h ago
If you need to vent or just talk-----I'll be here....
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u/MrSmock 2h ago
Thank you. Posting here and reading all the comments definitely helps. I do think I'm actually in a better place mentally now.
I still miss him absolutely and I'm sad I'll never get to hold him again but I really have no right to complain, I got so many good years with him. I had just hoped for more.
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u/SnooMacaroons8221 11h ago
I am sorry for your loss. That last paragraph you wrote kind of broke me. I always make sure to read the full caption and take in what people write about their pets, so that at least a part of them remains in my mind as well. I care and now I know he existed. Rest in peace, Mikey. You were loved.
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u/MrSmock 9h ago
Aw, thank you. Honestly I kinda just wanted to write it out and post it SOMEWHERE. I didn't expect it to gain attention and so many warm and kind comments. This is an amazing community.
Its funny, I've spent a lot of time here reading about other people's stories of loss and feeling for them. I kinda never thought it would be me posting.
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u/SnooMacaroons8221 8h ago
I understand that, it's a way of processing grief and it's therapeutic in itself. It's unfortunate that his passing was a catalyst for this post, but I am glad you shared Mikey's life with us.
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u/Lorain1234 11h ago
Beautiful tribute to Mikey and thanks for sharing. So sorry about the loss of your soul mate. I’m still crying for mine who has been gone two years. ❤️
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u/MrSmock 9h ago
Thank you ♥️. Oh boy, two years and it's still raw? Guess I've got that to look forward to!
But I do hope they're more tears of happiness for what was as well as sadness for what is lost.
I am sorry for your loss as well. It's kind of a cruel thing that we should live so long and them so short.
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u/Lorain1234 9h ago
I never thought I would ever get another cat because my Pekoe could never be replaced. So I was catless until two months ago. My daughter knew how sad I was so she found a cat for me. All my cats were orange strays and now I have a blue BSH. She’s lifted some of my sadness but Pekoe was the love of my life. Long story short, if the vet had not misdiagnosed her, she would still be with me. 😢
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u/Random-reddit-name-1 10h ago
We witness you, Mikey. You existed. You mattered. You were loved. Be at peace and safe travels.
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u/MarysolsLiver- 10h ago
Thank you and your wife for saving this sweet boy and giving him an amazing five years 😭❤️ he sounds like he was a very special kitty and he is clearly so deeply loved. Thank you for sharing his story with us❤️
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u/Ok_Foot1988 Tabbycat 9h ago
I am so sorry you lost Mikey, he was so cute. I took the time to read your whole post. He was a wonderful, special kitty and you were clearly his person. He knows you love him and he will always be in your heart. You gave him an amazing 5 years and made him such a happy kitty. 🫂💜🌈💜
I had to make a similar choice years ago when my little boy kitty suddenly lost use of his back legs, turning out to be a blood clot. It hurt so much and we had family visiting from out of town later the same day and they didn't quit understand why I was so sad.
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u/KeithJamesB 9h ago
Beautifully put. It’s never going to be the decision we want to make or an easy one but you put Mikey’s needs before yours. The two of you were lucky to have each other. God’s speed Mikey.
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u/someguy435368 9h ago
Nothing worse than losing a great cat. There's still an empty spot by my head every morning. Even after several years I still occasionally remember being woken up by an adorable little kitty nudging me awake. Nothing's going to make this feel better one day you'll just get used to it. At least you made it to work I don't even think I left my room for like 3 days after I lost my 20-year-old cat. Just hang in there and hope your job situation gets better it sounds like you need a win
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u/IslandDreamer58 9h ago
💔😢 very sorry for your loss of your beautiful and beloved family member Mikey.
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u/Connect-One2745 9h ago
I'm so very sorry for your loss of Mikey. I read every word through my tears. Thank you for sharing your stories with us. He was loved by you & your wife for 5 wonderful years. Pets are amazing. I liked all of his pictures but the last one shows his love.
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u/PurpleFlapjacks 8h ago
What a very, very special little guy. And what an unfortunate thing to happen to him. I can sense the anguish in your words. I'm so sorry for your loss and what your family, including your dear Mikey, have gone through. If nothing else, I would be glad that it happened while you were both still at home to be with him. It's beautiful to read about the bond you had and the wonderful, fun life you gave him, when his life would have otherwise ended years ago.
You clearly loved each other so much, and I'm sure it was the greatest comfort to him that you were there with him when he was scared and confused about what was happening. At least mom and dad were there.
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u/Pandabear0452 8h ago
Heck I am crying in my car right now. I’m so sorry for your loss OP, and thank you for taking care of such a precious little creature. Fly high sweet Mikey, you are so loved! ❤️
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u/Frosty_Fly_4957 8h ago
This was so sad to read 😭😭 we lost our eldest last year to heart failure.... nothing can prepare you for the moment we don't have them anymore.. they're not just pets they're Family..we took Smudge to the vets after she was breathing really shallow and fast....she was fine just her normal self and then the breathing issue started at the time we didn't have anyway to take her to the vet so we got to spend the extra week with her, looking back on it I feel and I know the wife also feels the same way but we feel horrible and selfish having to wait the week just seeing her pant all the time so the day came and we took her to the vet and we dropped her off for scans and we were driving home and not even 10 minutes later the phone rang and the vet told said the words we just didn't want to hear, I broke down so hard and just lost it on the phone to the vet..we went home in tears knowing our girl was at the vets and that we had to tell the kids who have had her all through there life...my daughter couldn't handle coming with us so me the wife and son went back to the vets...not a word was spoken on the drive there, we arrived at the vets and went to see her...😭 Now as soon as she seen me she started purring and was so happy to see us but she was a daddies girl..we spent time with her with the vet hovering over us..we didn't click that he was waiting to do what we couldn't bare to think of..and this is where I feel guilty and still broke up even after a year....I couldn't be there when that moment came I had to leave the room...I had to leave her knowing I wasn't there at the end my son feels just as bad so my wife had to do it...alone I do not and probably won't ever know how she had the strength to endure such a horrible thing. It was so quick... I'll never get the noise of my wife out my head. We brought her home all wrapped up in a towel let her sister Starbar, she didn't even get to see Smudge before she was growling and hissing so we put smudge on her favourite bit of the bed all cosy and tucked in... Starbars reaction never changed....I understand, that was her sister not bio but spent 10+ years together and they weren't the closest at all but loved eachother in their own way. The next day we took smudge out the back garden she was a indoor kitten always had been but we wished before we took her to the vet we let her touch the ground, watch the birds...fuck even eat chocolate and things she didn't ever get....like you we took paw prints, got some of her hair and gathered her favourite toys...we included the ponytail my wife made for her when she trimmed her hair...she rubbed on it every day in the kitchen at my feet..now everything sits in a special box we bought for her. That day we took her to be cremated..I didn't want to let go to leave her alone we put up a special Smudge shelf the her ashes now rest on along with her peace Lily.
Like you I don't expect anyone to read all of this but let this be known Mike was a special amazing part of your family much like Smudge was to us. I want you to know I care and as hard it was to read the story of Mikey i am so glad you shared his special life with us. Smudge, Mikey and all the other soul kittens now get to rest easy bake In the sunshine, lick up skooshie cream and eat dreemeez and churos until they are full.
To Mikey you will not be forgotten ❤️🐾❤️🐾❤️
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u/wandering_catx 8h ago
He was absolutely loved, and I hope you never doubt that you gave him a beautiful life. Rest peacefully, Mikey. 🥺
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u/HotVeganTacos 7h ago
I am so sorry for your loss. I think we’re gonna see them again when we pass. How wonderful to have such a cool and handsome cat. 🌌🐈🩷
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u/Valleyofwinter 7h ago
I'm so sorry for your loss 💙 I lost my baby a week ago. She was with me for 15 years and everything feels so empty without her. I wish you all the strength in the world 💙
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u/insideshadow1 4h ago
Just went through something like this with my cat, Aphrodite. Found her first thing in the morning limp and barely moving. Rushed her to the emergency vet and found out she had cancer that was too far gone to be able to do anything. She was my little girl. Hardest day of my life.
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u/MrSmock 2h ago
I'm so sorry, that's awful. These little bundles of fur crawl into our hearts and it just hurts so bad when they leave.. Especially when it's sudden like that.
Also it doesn't help that cats are great at hiding stuff happening to them. They don't give much for warning signs and then suddenly when they do show symptoms it's too late.
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u/Inevitable_Bed2698 3h ago
I read everything you're going through. Wishing you strength and my best blessings to help you find the closure necessary to heal. From what I've read, Mikey and you were extremely lucky to have found each other. Nothing in the world will take that from you. I hope you find solace in knowing that.
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u/Lasvegaslover2 2h ago
Oh we absolutely do care about “Mikey”! That’s why we are here to support you and your wife. I love all animals, especially cats. I lost my sweet boy Noah (18 y.o.) to cancer on 12/8/24. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. You’re not alone! 💕🙏🐾
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u/MrSmock 2h ago
Thank you. I'm sorry to hear about your Noah. Someday they'll advance animal medicine enough that we can enjoy our critters longer.
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u/Lasvegaslover2 2h ago
You’re welcome and thank you💕 for the condolences. I really do hope that one day animals will live longer. 💔
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u/WorkingOnIt_2023 2h ago
Thank you for sharing Mikey with us here and for writing such a moving piece about your bond. I’m so sorry for your loss. He looked like such a beautiful and special cat.
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u/Bluuueyes918 7h ago
You know what? You’re right, we didn’t know your Mikey. But those of us who saw his pictures, thought what a sweet face he has, we all love cats in general, and we can absolutely care when another person is sad and grieving over the loss of a treasured friend. So I just want to say I am so very sorry you and your wife lost your beloved Mikey!! Wishing you peace and comfort as you both heal! 😿💔🐈⬛🌈
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u/Real-Apartment-1130 6h ago
Fly high Mikey, into new realms full of exciting kitty adventures 🐈⬛🐈🌈❤️🌟 There will be many friends waiting to greet you! I can tell by your pictures that you were a very good boy!
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u/McSwearWolf 6h ago
I love the photos you shared. Mikey is special; I can see so much personality and so much love in his eyes in those pics. I also love the stories about the twist ties, and how he would perch on your shoulder like a parrot.
I can tell you guys gave him so much attention and adoration and I know you’ll cherish him forever. You did well. His last day was a bit traumatic, but that’s not your fault. You are a wonderful guardian.
Very sorry for your loss.
Godspeed sweet, playful, unique, fun, spirited, brave Mikey. 💛 We will remember.
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u/susiefreckleface 5h ago
Mikey loved you. You were his person. I’m so glad you two connected and enriched each others lives. He will always be there in your heart. I’m sorry for your pain.
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u/John17-24 3h ago
I’m so sorry I know the pain of losing a fur baby but I believe we will see them again in Heaven one day. Please stay strong and God bless ✝️🙏🏼❤️
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u/etovaw 2h ago
Mikey sounded like a wonderful amazing little guy, and I’m so happy he had you and your wife to love him unconditionally. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s never fair that our lives have to be so long and theirs so short when they hold so much of our hearts. May Mikey’s memory be a blessing to all who knew him. 💞
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u/MrSmock 2h ago
♥️ Thank you. He was absolutely amazing. I must have told him I loved him 5-10 times a day. He would always follow me around and I could never resist picking him up. I always joked about how much less productive I was with him around because I was always snuggling him instead of doing what I was supposed to do. Absolutely no regrets.
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u/No-Membership3214 26m ago
Mikey sounds like a great friend and family member, fly high over the rainbow bridge little one. 😻💔🌈😻💔🌈😻💔🌈
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u/Responsible-Yak-5742 12h ago
You made the right decision. You gave him love and spared him pain. RIP Mikey.