I was such a promising student and was starting a doctorate in environmental science. Had a cool relationship. Had money. Was on track to conquer the world and carry out impactful research.

Next thing I knew, I am in the phych hospital and fast forward to 8 years later, I just work boring admin jobs because its all my addled mind can handle and I need money. All my friends work high end jobs and are soaring, while I never even got to fly.

I am 31 with only being still alive as my crowing achievement. But I wish I had something objective to hold high and say I did it

Does this resonate with anyone? How do you avoid bitterness?

I’m taking 3 types of pills: an antipsychotic, mood stabilizer, and a pill for sleeping. I’ve been on them for 1 1/2-2 years now. My mom has sorta been in my corner since the beginning, but she doesn’t like the medication I’m on. She’s an herbalist/alternative medicine kind of person. Any time the mention of my medication comes up, she tells me to stop taking them and take something alternative (ie magnesium for sleep). I’ve been trying to tell her that it’ll cause an episode or even land me in the hospital, but she always says, “I want what’s best for you”. She doesn’t believe that the all the medication I take is necessary and helpful. Im always telling her that it’s doing me good and
I may not be on it forever. In the end, I’m getting so frustrated and tired of having the same conversation with her about my medication. I just don’t know what I should do about her demands.

I wanted to ask this because I’m trying to push myself to finally go on medication. Did you notice any difference after starting meds? Are you able to get things done more easily now? Part of me is scared that I’ll find out I’m just really lazy and that it’s not actually my mental illness.

I’ve already reached out to my doctor and told them I’d come back for a follow-up. I really want to build a solid routine and become more consistent with things instead of constantly feeling like I’m starting over. Did you find that medication helped you stay consistent with your daily routine and follow through with things you wanted to get done?

I (20m) don’t know why, but im starting to get an intense urge to go off my meds. A couple weeks ago, i trialed a new med and it didnt work out. i had a manic psychotic episode and had to get back on my older med.

But ever since then, i have this intense urge to stop my meds. Im in a facility right now and I leave in 5 days, which means i have a chance to get off of them.

I know it’s bad but i’m not sure if i can stop myself… i just want to feel good again lol. i have no motivation while on meds and life is just more difficult.

I also don’t want to tell the doctors here because im afraid they’ll just move my discharge date..

Sorry just needed to rant.

Like how did you convince them that it was appropriate for you to be a voluntary patient instead of involuntary?

Please raise your hand. 🙋‍♀️

I take lithium, caplyta, proplanolol and atarax. 29F. For context, it is Wednesday evening, and this whole thing happened over the last few days.

How the accident happened: I'm a retail manager and I usually close the store. My sleeping schedule is like 3am - 12pm and then I'm at the store from 2-10pm. This works for me! Unfortunately the family pharmacy I go to is not open on weekends and only open until 3pm or 6pm most other days of the week. Of course my doctor's office is also closed on weekends. I was totally out of my lithium and had one caplyta pill left and I had forgotten to pick up my meds on Friday before work. I was upset realizing I was pretty much screwed until Monday. Monday came around and I woke up too late to make it to work, and asked if my roommate could pick them up before 6pm - he forgot also. (He profusely apologized, but it's not his responsibility obviously. He's a great roommate) I had Tuesday and Wednesday off and was able to pick them up on Tuesday and took them immediately.

What happened at work: I worked Friday through Monday. The first couple days I was quite shaky and anxious. This was probably partially because I was afraid and on high alert to watch out for symptoms and paranoid thoughts. I kept to myself more at work, which is hard to do as a manager, and the store was very busy. By Monday, the shakiness almost felt like I was floating. I was repeatedly getting dissociated during tasks and even had poor balance and coordination. It was a slow day but I had started to have paranoid thoughts about my employees. Mostly just that they might be doing certain things to purposely try to get me to react and lose my job. I noticed these thoughts as irrational as soon as they came up which was a blessing. I also started to experience some mild hallucinations (hearing muffled voices in the bathroom / office) but was able to know it wasn't real.

What happened at home: I stopped keeping up with basic cleaning and hygiene. My room quickly turned into piles of clothes and stuff thrown everywhere. When I got home from work Monday night, I listened to an album and was profusely sobbing and feeling like the album's lyrics were speaking directly to me and my own life situation, and that we must all be connected through a collective consciousness (dreams). I couldn't stop crying for hours. I fell asleep and immediately picked up my medication when I woke up and took it in the parking lot of the pharmacy. I went home and fell asleep for about 16 hours, stayed awake for about 6 hours watching youtube, took my 2nd dose of meds, and slept for another 20 hours or so.

Now: I just woke up and I feel a lot better already, but extremely sluggish and tired. My limbs feel very heavy. Of course I called my doctor and I'm seeing her this week so she can make sure I'm fine and check my lithium levels. I also see my therapist weekly. When I see my doctor I'm going to talk to her about this all in detail and also switch to a pharmacy that has better hours for me.

Guess I just wanted to share about what happened with me after just a few days off of my medication. Nothing life ruining of course, but it was extremely uncomfortable and I'm not sure how many more days or weeks I could have functioned like that until the mania really started to burst through. Really shows me how fragile my mental ecosystem is and how much I have to adhere to my medication regimen in order to be productive and happy!!

Made the mistake I guess of mentioning I drink occasionally when asked about it (was nervous) and the entire conversation with them shifted to that which I did not want to be the focus because I was in there for trying to get something to help with the mood swings and severe depression episodes. The moment I even said I drink sometimes on the weekends it was a deal killer even after telling them I could give it up if it meant getting something to help with this. I shouldn't even have said anything probably but now I'm screwed. I used to be prescribed medication in the past to treat it so not sure where to go from here? Especially since the issues have come back much more severely lately in life, unrelated to drinking alcohol sometimes.

The meeting got to the point where they stopped asking questions making me feel awkward with silence so I pretty much walked out after asking them if there was anything else.

This crap has completely messed up most of my entire life and in the past at its worst I was on medications that somewhat helped. Now I'm stuck without? They are the only psychiatrist in the building as far as I'm aware so can't switch to a different one. Now I'm not sure if I should even make a follow up appointment with them after that mess.

Hello, I got on seroquel in 2019 because I worked midnight shift, I couldn't sleep, I have slight bipolar in my family, and I have a rapid drug metabolism. That was the only drug that worked at the time. I managed to increase it to 300 (maybe 500, can't remember) mg around 2021/2022 but the anxiety and disassociation at night when I took it got to me. I decided to start coming off in 2024 and I just dropped from 75 mg to 50 mg in mid August.

Two weeks ago, I had a night of anxiety and couldn't stop pacing or fidgeting. My mind wouldn't stop racing and I panicked. Fortunately it went away the next day. I was fine until yesterday when it all came back. Fidgeting, anxiety, brain buzz, nausea, headaches, random chills, nasal stuffiness. Is there a deadline on when this stops? I don't want this to keep happening. I'm sure its related, I was fine the last year on 100 and 75 mg, but now its getting to me. ​

Can’t eat recently unless I’m drunk. gg wp

Pessoal, atualmente tomo 20mg de fluoxetina e 1mg de risperidona e sexta eu marquei de sair com amigos e vamos fumar erva, alguém sabe quais danos isso pode me causar? Se pode fazer isso?

Hello. So long story short i am I'm bipolar, and have never been treated for it. I and was in the middle of getting my diagnosis before I moved cities a few years ago, the psychiatrist was sure I have it, but the diagnosis never finished because I moved. I've been living with this secret since moving. I'm now in therapy for recurring depressions, ADHD and OCD, but I've been actively hiding my bipolar symptoms from the psychiatry here for these past years. I want to tell my therapist about these symptoms, it would feel good to come clean. Getting a diagnosis would also help me understand myself better, and probably improve my health. But I'm so scared to tell them. First of all I'm so insanely scared of bipolar medication. I am very into fitness and my physique is a part of my job. I am very weight sensitive, and every antidepressant (and mood stabilizer) I've been on has made me gain crazy weight, which has ended up in me being in a worse mental state than before. I am currently unmedicated except for adhd meds and have been in a stable state for a long period now.

Secondly and most importantly I'm scared of prejudice from the psychiatry. I'm scared of getting all my problems or even my being reduced to the diagnosis. Since I recently got my OCD diagnosis, I could feel the attitude towards me change by the psychiatry. I feel belitteled, and feel like whatever problem I have now is reduced to be a result of that disorder only, and I don't feel heard when I speak about other important issues like deep traumas or carreer since getting diagnosed.

I do understand that Bipolar Disorder is a serious disorder, and naturally the patient plan changes after each diagnosis for all the right reasons, but I'm scared I won't get the proper treatment for my other issues if all the focus shiftes into the disorder.

Lastly, and this is a classic: I'm scared to lose myself. I get hypomanic and that to me is just the "real" me. I don't cause much trouble for myself when hypomanic but I can finally be social, active, work, create. I understand that medication is supposed to make you high functioning in that sense but with my experience with medication I get tired, lethargic and because I gain weight I cannot pursue my carreer properly on them, and that leaves me even more depressed.

I do not know what to do.

I'm currently on Seroquel to diagnose what was thought to be Bipolar 1. When I reached 200mg, I developed akathisia, so I've been tapering off over the last 2 months and I'm currently down to 100mg.

Since I developed the akathisia, maybe a little earlier than that, my husband says he wakes up sometimes to me laying on my stomach with my legs bent bent up toward the ceiling. He says it's usually one leg at a time and I'll raise it and drop it back down to the bed multiple times slowly. He says lastnight, I did the same thing, but this time my face was in the pillow, but my head was raised up a little.

Anyway, super freaked out, anybody ever hear of this? Experienced something similar? 😅😂

Hey Guys,

I know this may come across as a manic post. But i assure you its not. For some context, I have a little dog named Britney, She is the love of my life and She is the reason i keep at it. Unfortunately, due to this shitty disorder, She has lived a relatively isolated life, where apart from a few humans (Me, ex-housemate, father, step mother, support workers and her foster carer) she doesnt have many friends. Esspecially in the form of animal friends.

Now this is not saying i haven't tried, during one manic phase i decided to purchase 10 weekly day care sessions for her to play with other dogs, however, unfortunately due to an abusive upbringing before i got her, she has extreme anxiety and trust issues surrounding people and dogs alike. Making my attempt to socialise her a failure. Due to this, while i give her all the love and affection i can muster on any one day (which varies dependent on mood), when i am out of home (i live alone), for things like work, appointments and such. She is alone, and with servere seperation anxiety due to the afore mentioned abusive early life, I always have the feeling that i am putting her through unneeded distress every time i leave the house.

Anyway, that brings us to now. As i am sure many of you have experienced due to bipolar, I unfortunately have gone to hospital a couple* of times since getting Britney. Now when this happens she gets looked after by a foster carer provided by the RSPCA Australia. (By the way guys, these guys are amazing and if any of you are looking for charities to donate to, these guys deserve it). Now, I am fortunate that I have gotten the same foster carer every time, and that foster carer has gone way above and beyond in making Britneys time with her a great one, and Britney loves her.

Now recently I got an update email from the foster carer (currently at a medium term rehab designed to help me sort my shit out after a very rough depressive episode) who mentioned that Britney has become unlikely best friends with a young tri-pod kitten, who is currently being fostered untill they are healthy enough for being put up for adoption. Now when i say best friends, from my understanding, they play together, sleep together, groom each other, follow eachother around, and with the kitten only being 2 months old, Britney has apparently taken a very motherly persona to the kitten. (Mind you Britneys abusive past, was that she was used as the pup-bearing dog in a puppy farm. By the time i got her at 3 years old, she had a total of (declared) 28 puppies over (declared) 4 litters, all of which were taken away from her and sold as soon as they were sellable).

Now, hearing this has warmed my heart, not just because I will be forever grateful for the amazing services provided by the RSPCA Australia (promise this is not a shill, just really appreciative of their services) but because Britney finally has a best friend (and i guess a "puppy" to raise).

Which brings me to the question of the title. Should I adopt this kitten? I will acknowledge that i may not be able to provide the most luxurious life, and there may be a few occasions they would need to go on holiday. But what i can provide is a loving, cosy home where i will always do my best in providing for them, for years to come. And for Britney, she will get to keep her best friend, and daughter. (Though apparently the kitten is beggining to out grow Britney, which is hilarious). Meaning for once, she doesnt have to lose an animal she loves.

Now the results of this post wont be the determining factor, i am trying to get opinions from non-bias sources like you guys, as well as parents and friends. I also acknowledge that alot of work and research into care, finances and home modifications will need to be done. But i just want to see if its worth even beginning that process.

Thanks for the input guys and stay awesome,

U/bolticus13

24 female ADHD, autistic, and bipolar type two here and this has been happening on and off again every so often for the past year and often right around my period.
At night before I’m about to fall asleep and you’re not fully awake anymore, but you’re not asleep. I get hit with these super big insecurities or fears about my future that normally I can talk my way out of, but I don’t know if it’s cause I’m not fully conscious anymore or not but it feels like I’m having almost a panic attack. My heart is racing and to make it stop I often have to physically scream no and get up for a moment and walk around and then after about 10 minutes it’s gone, but it’s super extreme and anxiety ridden. I can feel things crawling under my skin when it’s going on.
Does anybody else have something like this? Do you know what it is?

Расскажу про свой ужасный опыт на кветиапине. Поставили депрессия средней тяжести с суицидальными мыслями в 14 лет после психушки. Была еще нестабильность после конфликтов с родителями. После конфликта я ощущал себя будто меня затопчат ногами, появлялась вновь усиленная подавленность, отчаяние, особое бездействие, депресивность короче усливалась, после 3 недель +- состояние потихоньку улучшалось, но один кофликт возвращал меня обратно. Я всегда ощущал себя в умеренной подавленности и ангедонии без нормального состояния. Антидеприссанты лишь убирали острое состояние, но так и не возвращали к жизни, суицидальные мысли так и не прекращались. Был плохой отклик организма на антидеприссанты. Я был на флувоксамине и арипепрозоле , более менее чувствовал себя по сравнению с другими препаратами, это комбо не делало лучше и было более нейтральным. Я буквально почти не выходил из дневного стационара ухудшал себе состояние, накручивал себя и препараты не могли повлиять на это, как раз только вытаскивали из очень плохого состояния. Думаю если бы не накуричивал, не ухудшал, то спокойно бы жил как раньше, но эффект от препаратов минимальный, тоесть не поменялось бы ничего, а просто тяжелого состояния не было. Следующий раз попадаю из дневного стационара, когда мне отменили препарты и назначили кветиапин в круглосутку опять. На кветиапине хочется спать, плохо соображаешь, тупеешь абсолютно и тебе становится на многое все равно. После выписки доза былп 800 мг. И венлафаксин 150 утро, 112,5 или 75 вечером, сколько вечером . Я все время спал, как-то жил, но в общении с людьми в какой-то момент просто все равно и тебе даже сказать нечего, ведь пусто. Как дальше я на нем был, так дальше терял себя и свою личность. Дереализация и деперсонализации становилась сильнее, я тупее, общение с людьми стало еще хуже. Из-за ранней постоянной ангедонией и подавленности вместе с плохим откликом на антидеприссанты любимые дела стали не так интересны, ощущения полного мрака, дереализации, отсутствия той радости которая хоть когда-то была до кветиапина становилось мрачнее, ДАЖЕ с венлафаксином. Каждый день был как ужасный осознанный сон с мыслями когда это закончится? Я каждый раз надеялся что я проснусь и будет по другому. Каждый день думал о том, что может мне кажется и надеялся что очнусь от такого сна. Кветиапин буквально поглощал мой разум и личность, единственное что как-то останавливало от суицида—это то что у кветиапина есть эффект при котором тебе настолько тяжело становится думать о всем плохом или сложном для размышления что ты такой да ну и все. Просто спишь из-за того что все равно. Я все больше и больше терял связь с реальностью. Начал меньше видеть смысла во всех людях и родителей в том числе. Они стали лишь людьми которые создают комфорт. Мне было все равно что они делали ранее что я жил с ними, были события, прошлого дял меня не было. Я больше не могу получил удовольствие которое было ранее с людьми и почти лишился эмоций с мыслями что придется жить так всю жизнь и ничего не поделать. Я начинал сходить с ума и все больше меня поглощала мысль о самоубийстве. Ехал в метро и знал что это матрица, все подстроено, это проект, я наблюдал со стороны ощущая мрак и ужас. Грань с миром почти стерлась, чуть еще и наступил мрак. Наступил бы ужас и я убил себя, это было невыносимо так жить. Пол года я был на 800 мг, после снижения мрак не убирался, только на 300 мг было нормально в плане из-за антидепрессивного эффекта, 300 мг дает эффект антидеприссанта, но это уже не спасло, надо было быстрее снижать до такой дозировки, не доводя до потери свзяи с реальностью и ужаса. Даже на снижении я продолжал сходить с ума, но хотелось меньше спать. Принимал утром и вечером. моменте упарат убрали и все обошлось. После отмены, я проснулся утром, посмотрел в окно и понят что мир остался таким же прекрасным, все прошло, но для полного восстановления ощущения мира и восстановления личности надо было время. Сейчас прошло 3 месяца все вернулось как ранее, но еще нет. Думаю полтара +- месяца и всё. После я снова учился разговаривать с людьми, моментами была такая же безразличность в разговоре и нечего было сказать, но со времем это все уходит к пережнему. Дереализация м деперсонализация становилась легче. Приходится возвращаться к прежней жизни из этого мрака который был не сразу. И еще я забыл, спорить на кветиапине нет сил и смысла. Ты просто удобный овощ которому все равно. Это тоже потихоньку убирается. Итог: я считаю высокая дозировка кветиапина с депрессией, суицидальными мыслями, но без попыток самоубийства и странноватых действий была огромная ошибка психиатров. Длительная дозировка в 800 мг, хотя надо было 300 изначально, почти сломала мою адекватность и личность.

I have bipolar I with psychotic features, initially misdiagnosed as severe MDD with psychotic features.

I deeply dislike people with bipolar II online saying that it's just as bad as bipolar I because "they have severe depression". Motherfucker, most of the bipolar I people have depressions as severe as the average bipolar II!

Yes, the suicide rate for bipolar II is higher. Probably because the bipolar I people get killed from accidents or homicide more often in their manic states. Still an approximately equally grim prognosis.

At least bipolar II isn't as humiliating and public as bipolar I. "People take bipolar I more seriously!" No, they fucking don't!

Especially the bipolar II people who only have it after hypomania was induced by an SSRI... be so fucking fr.

I remember when I was lowering the dose that I got increasingly argumentative and combative as a knee-jerk response to feeling constantly pressured by so much of the world, all those vectors of oppression, coercion, and manipulation that put me on an edge. It got me in trouble familially and psychiatrically since I fell into the web of psychiatry from emotionally imploding and being on edge about being controlled and pushed around. I've never responded well to demands or structures that systemically procure demands such as late-stage Capitalism's demands for earning money to survive. As an adult I just find the world way too much to handle nowadays without sedation. I absolutely cannot trust psychiatry at all anymore because they can only process everything biomedically and I feel they never actually listen at all and psychiatry feels to me like it hoses out a neverending stream of bullshit that I got irritable about. But at the end of the day to usefully resist as a radical leftist I need to be in a cool-headed space rather than that easily agitated state with the agitation being from what triggers a difficulty I have living with autism rather than anything else. (ofc that irritability will just be blamed on psychosis-proneness because psychiatry's ability to listen in any country is ass) I self-mediate by drinking caffeine heavily often and it has positive effects as long as I don't really overdo it. I did want to go med-free but the world is way too much for me.

I had about a 2 months long (hypo?)mania which seemed to have ended around a week ago. I felt super depressed for that week and now I feel like I’m on the uphill again. Is this normal?
I’ve just been recently diagnosed and never paid too much attention to cycling and when/how it happens. I haven’t noticed any triggers but I’m just glad I’m feeling good again

I’m just panicking and experiencing extreme fear, but higher energy levels. I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep. What if nothing is real when I do sleep? I don’t know, I am feeling really bad anxiety, and a sense of impending doom. Like something awful may happen. It’s been the most energy I’ve had in a while, I guess? I slept all day and night last week. It felt like nothing, I guess. But now, once again, I’m afraid nothing is real, that I am above all not real and it’ll fade to black forever if I go to bed. I don’t understand any of it, but I don’t want to sometimes. Why is everything so hard?

Advice needed! I need to try and get myself restful sleep, because nothing is helping and I’m getting really bad urges! Like, really bad, and I’ve already been in the hospital before.

I’m not diagnosed, but my psychiatrist has suspected bipolar for a little while (especially with a family history on both sides)

TLDR: Has anyone taken Lybalvi and NOT gained weight? If so, what measures did you take? If not, are there any bipolar meds that won’t cause weight gain?

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 today. I only have one kidney, so my psychiatrist is recommending that I start on Lybalvi since that is processed through the liver.

I am scared to death of gaining weight. In fact, I am entirely unwilling to do so and am afraid that I’ll become a danger to myself if I do gain weight. I’ve spent four years trying to lose weight and I’ve finally gotten to my goal in the last month, but I don’t want these meds that I need to wreck that for me. I know that the whole point of Lybalvi was to combat the excessive weight gain from regular olanzapine with the samidorphan, but I’ve seen countless people on here saying that Lybalvi still made them gain lots of weight and/or does not help them lose weight after switching from regular olanzapine.

I’m currently in a spiral of “I’ll never get better because the meds that I need cause weight gain, but being fat again would make me feel terrible, so I can’t get better either way and there’s no saving me.” Is there any truth to this? Has anyone found a bipolar medication that doesn’t make them gain weight?

I’ve had a really shit year in terms of my meds and I just want to vent a bit.

After a manic episode, last year I had my quetiapine increased to a point where the side effects were unbearable. My hormones were all fucked up, I was a shell of a person. So I came off that and started taking aripiprazole instead.

And promptly got akathisia, which is genuinely the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I was prescribed diazepam, procyclidine and propranolol to manage it and none of those had any effect. So I rang up the mental health team and told them I wanted to cut my tendons. Not even as a thought of self harm, just out of desperation at how shit I felt.

I then had to go through an approval process for lurasidone. Lurasidone is the best medication I’ve ever been on. Literally life changing. No side effects, I’ve lost 10kg, I’m quitting vaping. I feel able to function. It’s great.

Then my fiancé noticed that I’m gurning all the time and keep swaying/ rubbing my tongue over my teeth. So I had to ring up about that because apparently it’s serious and every antipsychotic I take gives me serious side effects. My psychiatrist has prescribed me tetrabenazine to manage the side effects and told me to call back in 3 weeks, unless I get horrific side effects in which case I need to call back asap. I looked up the side effects and it’s not filling me with confidence. It sounds awful.

Tbh I’m feeling pretty hopeless at this point. I use all my coping strategies, I barely drink. I take my meds religiously. I do everything I’m supposed to. And I just can’t tolerate the medication.
And if the side effects don’t go away, then I’ll have to reduce the lurasidone or go on another medication. Great. I’ve already had enough time off work this year that I’ll be on a sickness warning if I take anymore time off.
I was doing so well but these last couple of years have just been kicking my arse and I’m so tired of it.

So I ma posting here and not checking comments, but like, wow.

I went undiagnosed for many years. Was initially told it's BPD, and not Bipolar, and told to do groups.

when excercize, healthy eating, sleeping as adequately as possible didn't pan out, and positive things started to make me worse or agitated, I knew something was off.

I am thankful that my psychiatrist did genetic testing, and it verified past experiences with medications that I've had.

I feel like since starting Trileptal, the evil feeling inside of me has completely left. and my head is so clear that it's like "wow, what the hell?!"

I can cry now without hearing extra voices, or feedback, or feeling like I want to flee. I can get angry without it completely incapacitating me and making me scary. I can get sad without it making me feel P-SI.

I share this all to say that I am grateful in a lot of ways I got on meds. But I also feel disappointed that my initial psychiatrist didn't see this and didn't know to try it.

I am angry that I could've had relief before I lost so many people to this illness, before people closed the door to me because of my instability.

I am angry that I was called bipolar by everyone but a professional, and because of well meaning folks pushing me to "get help" ,and hospitalizations traumatizing me, I am angry that I got worse.

I am angry that social media feeds the algorithm with the misfortunes we go through, and that I have gone through that myself when I was younger.

I am grateful I am not pregnant, strung out anymore on monster energy, and no longer bulimic.

I am grateful to be in an healthy relationship, too. And to feel at peace in my own body. and no longer feel like a demon living in a human prison.